THE ANZI MAKHACHKEMS v THE TOON ***TOMORROW NEET!

Updated '3:00am bells' Wednesday 6th March 2013

"BLEND IN!***DIVVINT FORGET YI RUSHAN HAT!"

It's not lang now until we set off into 'the unknown' when we fly to communist Rushaa for Tomorrow neets game against Anzi<(or iz it 'Anzhi'?) (Kick off '5 bells' GMT)<(Geordie Match Time!)('9:00 bells' in Rushaa)
Live on ITV4

UEFA have banned them from playin' their home European games in the Dagestan region of Rushaa, where they come from, becoz of civil unrest and have ordered them to play aall their games 1,000 miles away in Moscow!

A warnin' letter haz been sent with wor match tickets tellin' us to beware of pickpockets and muggers and to keep a low profile!

BUT!---we've AALREADY been 'mugged' twice with the exstorshanit<(Geordie Times spellin'!) cost of wor visas (£1,099 for five!) and wor match tickets, which are ower SIX TIMES more expensive than wot the Anzi fans have been charged! (£26, compared to £4 for them!)

Az far az we naa up to 75 diehards have managed to get tickets and visas so far, but just wot team they will see in The Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow (below) iz anybodys guess?, az we are still anly six points above 'the abyss' in the Premyaa Leegue and have a crucial home game against 'The P*ss Potts' of Stoke on Sunday afternoon!<(ie: will we risk a full strength team, OR send oot a 'resorve mixture'?)

A crowd of 12,000 iz expected in the 78,000 capacity 'plastic pitch' stadium, shared by the Rushan army club CSKA Moscow and Spartak Moscow, so we'll be ootnumbered by a canny few!

In a few minutes 'The Geordie Times' computaa gans into 'hibernation' for the umpteenth time this season and (he/she?) will wake up again sometime on Saturday, where a full match/drink/'secret police' report will be forthcomin' for yoo wor loyal reeeders from aroond the globe and beyond! "ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"