|"BLEND IN!***DIVVINT FORGET YI RUSHAN HAT!"|
It's not lang now until we set off into 'the unknown' when we fly to communist Rushaa for Tomorrow neets game against Anzi<(or iz it 'Anzhi'?) (Kick off '5 bells' GMT)<(Geordie Match Time!)('9:00 bells' in Rushaa)
Live on ITV4
UEFA have banned them from playin' their home European games in the Dagestan region of Rushaa, where they come from, becoz of civil unrest and have ordered them to play aall their games 1,000 miles away in Moscow!
A warnin' letter haz been sent with wor match tickets tellin' us to beware of pickpockets and muggers and to keep a low profile!
BUT!---we've AALREADY been 'mugged' twice with the exstorshanit<(Geordie Times spellin'!) cost of wor visas (£1,099 for five!) and wor match tickets, which are ower SIX TIMES more expensive than wot the Anzi fans have been charged! (£26, compared to £4 for them!)
A crowd of 12,000 iz expected in the 78,000 capacity 'plastic pitch' stadium, shared by the Rushan army club CSKA Moscow and Spartak Moscow, so we'll be ootnumbered by a canny few!
In a few minutes 'The Geordie Times' computaa gans into 'hibernation' for the umpteenth time this season and (he/she?) will wake up again sometime on Saturday, where a full match/drink/'secret police' report will be forthcomin' for yoo wor loyal reeeders from aroond the globe and beyond! "ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"