Monday 30 November 2015

THE CRYSTAL BALLS 5 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Updated '10:38am bells' Black Munday 30th November 2015
ONE SUNDAY 'RAG' SEZ IT AALL!

"BLACK    SATURDAY!"

Just when yoo thought it couldn't possibly get ANY WORSE---then it does!--The 'feisty' trainin' sessions ordered by 'The Brollyless Wally' through aall of last week obviously did us the world of good after the Lestaa debacle last Saturday!

We actually started off well and scored after just 10 minutes when Papiss Cisse heeded home at the Holmesdale Road End to send the 2,800 diehards in the away enclosure into raptures!
THE TOON ATTACK THE HOLMESDALE ROAD END DURIN'
THE FORST HALF (view from row 3)

HOWEVER!---just SEVEN minutes later we foond worsels 2-1 DOON az Palace fought back straight away when a deflected McArthur shot hit Dummett and flew past Elliot in The Toon goal to level things just 4 minutes after wor opener!---worse waz to follow just 3 minutes after this when Bolasie fired home from 10 yards oot!--Wor heeds dropped after the 2nd goal and it waz anly a matter of time til the home side got anothaa!---and it came in the 40th minute when Zaha slammed the baall off the ground and it rebounded into wor net!

Really, it waz 'game ower' by now az wor disfuctual <(hope av spelt that reet!?) team couldn't find an answer--once again!

At half time McClaren replaced attacker Perez with defender Lascelles? <(damage limitation or wot???)---- it did no good---coz!---Within seconds of the restart it waz 4-1 to 'The Crystal Balls' when an unmarked Bolasie heeded past Elliot to 'put the game to bed' for certain!
A VERY RARE ATTACK IN THE 2nd HALF!
(IZ THAT SHEARER IN FRONT OF US?)

FANS IMPLOSION!

Toon fans beside me and in front of me started arguin' aboot McClaren and "shud he stay or shud he go!" and a fracas <(we naa aall the big words!) nearly ensued az more disagreein' fans got involved and stewards had to intervene to stop fights startin'!---HAZ IT REALLY COME TO THIS!---wor own fans fightin' with each othaa ower wor abysmal form?
Chants of: "We're s**t and we're sick of it!", "Your not fit to wear the shirts!" and a couple of vorses tellin'  'The Fat Controller', to: "Get out of our club!--yoo fat cockney bustard!" then followed!

Anyway!---it waz 5-1 deep into stoppage time when McArthur completed wor humiliation to send us 2nd bottom of the division with just 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' below us!
McClaren's 'feisty' trainin' sessions through the week have obviously had there effect!

After the match we heeded for 'Warren Street' on the tube to drown wor sorrows (yet again!) in several drinking establisments in the vicinity, where we drank some very appropriately named beers! ---
"WE MUST BE MAD FOLLOWIN' THIS LOT!"

before catchin' the '9 bells' train back to The Toon from King's Cross!--a jorney we will have to repeat in just a fortneets time from today, when we travel to Sporz in "norf Landan!"!  ---"HELP!"

PS: Anybody finkin' that we shud 'hoy' a few resorve players 'into the mix' against 'The Liverbirds' next Sunday had better 'fink' again, az they were comprehensively beaten 3-0 at Macclesfield on Saturday against Stoke resorves---(a new groond we could'nt gan te, az it clashed with the 1st team game at Palace!)  

Toon 'team'?: Elliot, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Dummett, Colback (Gouffran 70), Anita, Sissoko, Wijnaldum (De Jong 70), Perez (Lascelles 46), Cisse
(Unused subs included £13 million man Thaurvin and £12 million man Mitrovic!--- Wot does THAT tell yoo aboot wor transfor policy under Graham Carr?) <"it's NOT funny, man!"

Attendance: 24,833 (2,800 thouroughleee p*st off Toon fans!)

PS SPECIAL THANX TO 'MAL THE INGLISH SKOOL TEECHAA' FOR THE TOP HEADLINE HE'D THOUGHT UP BEFORE THE MATCH HAD EVEN STARTED!


Post match Warren Street tube 'pub crawl'

Prince of Wales Feathers
Sorry aboot the blurred picture, but we were 'canny sorved'
 by the time we got here!

Friday 27 November 2015

THE CRYSTAL BALLS v THE TOON *** THIS COMIN' SATURDAY!

Updated 'high noon bells' Friday 27th November 2015



After the alleged bust up on the trainin' groond between wor beleaguered manager and some of the players, we heed to the far south of London toon to take on a Pardew's Palace side who are smartin' from an unexplained and unexpected defeat by the SMBs on Munday neet!

'We' of course are smartin' from an 'explained' and 'expected' 3-0 defeat by Lestaa last weekend and wor manager/heed coach/general dogsbody will be (somehow!?) tryin' to rally the troops from the debacle of last week!

Aall 2,800 away places in The Arthur Wait Stand have been sold and the game we understand iz a complete selloot!

ACTION @ SELHURST PARK LAST SEASON
 (A 1-1 DRAW---CISSE SCORED WOR GOAL)
We are nuw just ONE point above the abyss and are gannin' for wor 2nd away win in a row---this waz last achieved a year ago when we beat Sporz and West Brom in October/ November 2014!

With just TWO wins oot of THORTEEN in the leegue so far, theeze are desperate times indeed for everyone affiliated to NUFC

We are on the '6:30 bells' train in the morning, arrivin' in 'The Smoke' 3 hours later! 
Az per usual aall trains back from King's Cross after the match are 'DRY'! <(ie: NE alcoholic liquid lubrication allowed!)

'The Geordie Times' forst visited Selhurst Park 45 years ago in 1970 and an archive match report on that game iz featured below!

Tuesday 24 November 2015

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS *** ILKESTON DATE CONFORMED!

Posted '12:22pm bells' Tuesday 24th November 2015
"WE'RE OFF TO 'THE MANOR BORN'!"

Wor club 'insider' haz telt us that wor FA Youth Cup 3rd roond tie away to Ilkeston will be played on Wednesday 16th December with a '7:45 bells' kick off @ The New Manor Groond.
Yoo can be sure that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be there in force (aall 10 of us!) and we can anly hope that bad weather doesn't scupper wor plans like last week, when wor U15s friendly against the SMBs U15s @ South Shields waz cancelled the day before because of a waaterlogged pitch!

'The mad-sad groundhopper's 9 seater mini bus will transport most  of us to deepest Derbyshire, while the rest will make it under their own steam!---There are sure to be a  few Geordie exiles in the crowd az well and there is ne doubt that non leegue Ilkeston will be 'ower the moon' to be playin' a Premyaa Leegue club in the competition!

More to follow on aall this az the date of the game gets closer!

Meeeenwhile!---anothaa groond for those of yoo who havvent been there, comes up 5 days later when wor U21s travel to Southport FC on Monday December 21st (Kick off TBC) to face Everton U21s in a Leegue Cup tie.
(We saw wor resorves play Liverpool resorves @ Southport a few years back!) 

Monday 23 November 2015

"EXCUSES!--EXCUSES!--AND MORE EXCUSES!"

Posted '11:04am bells' Munday 23rd November 2015
SUNDAY MORNIN' --- WHITLEY BAY! ---

The Wally (withoot) the brolly haz come oot and spoken aboot yet anothaa disastrous display to add to the many this season!

McClaren on the Lestaa debacle: "It was the worst performance we've had this season!" <(oh no it isn't!---Bournemoooth and wor game v Sheff Wed resorves in the Leegue Cup were worse!)

McClaren: "Believe you me the message to them (the players) is back on the training field on Monday!" <(In total we have played 15 competitive games and 7 pre season friendlies---surely they have had enough 'trainin' to get it right by now!?)

McClaren: "All we can do is lick our wounds and work hard!" <(Lickin' wor wounds is now a weekly occurrence!)

McClaren: "We have seen it in the last five or six games, and even by digging in to get the result at Bournemouth!---They showed a different set of qualities there!" <(WOT QUALITIES AT BOURNEMOOOTH???? 

McClaren: "At the moment we don't know what we are going to get!" <(The fans de Steve----MEDIOCRITY!)

Sunday 22 November 2015

THE TOON 0 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:35am bells' Sunday 22nd November 2015

"EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"
SPOT THE CROWD! ---ROB ELLIOT PREPARES TO TAKE
A GOAL KICK IN THE 88th MINUTE

Where the hell do we start this time!?---Yet anothaa bitterly disappointin' performance on a bitterly cold day @ St James' Park and aall the talk and hype aboot us 'turnin' the corner' have come to nothin' once again, az just aroond that corner iz a trap door with 'CHAMPIONSHIP' written on it!
THE PLAYERS LINE UP IN THE CENTRE CIRCLE AZ
THE FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM IZ PLAYED
TO LOUD APPLAUSE FROM THE 50,000 CROWD! 

From the word 'go' Lestaa went for the win and pounded wor goal @ The Leazes End. They finally made the breakthrough deep into injury time in the forst half when Jamie Vardy equalled Ruud Van Nistelrooy's record of scorin' 10 games in a row, when he fired a shot into the corner of the net with Elliot beaten in The Toon goal (Van Nistelroy scored hiz 10th 'in a row' @ SJP az well!)

Just after he scored the ref blew for half time and Vardy waz greeted by polite applause from many Toon fans az he left the pitch!
Up until this point 'we' had had NO shots on target @ The Gallowgate End!

The 2nd half wasn't any better az Lestaa went for the 'jugular' and a free heeder from a completleee unmarked Ulloa made it 0-2 and 'game ower' in the 62nd minute az we STILL hadn't had a shot on goal up till this point!
The 3,000 strong 'Basil Brush Brigade' in level 7 of The Leazes were in good voice by this time: "Your s**t and you know you are!", they mocked---and we couldn't argue with them!---could we!?

And then in the 71st minute we finally had wor one and anly effort on target. Dummett's cross foond Thourvin in the Lestaa box, but hiz effort waz deflected ower for a corner. From the resultin' corner Wijnaldum's heeder waz stopped on the line by a combination of  Schmeichel  and Fuch! <(end of NUFC shots on target!)
A RARE NUFC ATTACK @ THE LEAZES END

The 3rd and final 'nail in wor coffin' came in the 83rd minute when Okazaki scrambled the baall ower the line to complete anothaa 'disaster day' for The Toon az the groond very quickly emptied!

SUMMARY:
The heighted security followin' on from the Paris massacre waz virtually non existent (just like wor defence, midfield and attack!) az we entered the groond!
One 'old biddy' aged aboot 75 behind me in the queue waz asked by a security steward if she minded if he looked inside hor handbag!
"No!" she said and then added: "There's some sweeties in there if you would like one!", but he declined and he simply looked into hor bag withoot searchin' it!
Anothaa fan in front of me who hadn't had hiz expensive 5p Asda carrier bag searched, offered it to the steward for a look inside, but he waz told that it waz "OK!" and waved past!

Alan Shearer aalso had hiz say on 'Match of the Day' and like we said at the top of the page, 'every picture tells a story'!

SHEARER'S SUMMARY!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Mbemba, Sissoko, Anita, Tiote (Thaurvin 20), Wijnaldum, Perez (De Jong 81), Mitrovic (Cisse 62)

Attendance: 50,151 (includin' 3,220 very happy members of the 'Basil Brush Brigade' who now find themselz 'top o the leegue'!)

PS: By the end of the game there were anly 20,000 or so still in the home sections of the groond!

Saturday 21 November 2015

THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated '9:11am bells' Saturday 21st November 2015
ACTION AGAINST 'THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE' FROM LAST SEASON---
WE WON 1-0 (OBERTAN)

After a fortneets break it's back to 'the grind' of The Premyaa Leegue when we take on high flyin' Lestaa @ St James' Park!

Az I speak, light snowflakes can be seen ootside mee window az they blow doon the sacred river Tyne in a howlin' wind---and a freeezin' caad afternoon will surely follow @ 'The Cathedral on the hill'! 
<<<(SO! make sure that yoo wrap up waam!)

A very fortuitous win @ Bournemoooth a fortneet ago will hopefully finally 'kick start' wor woeful season!
(just 1 home and 1 away win oot of 12!)

However! wor visitors on Saturday have anly lost anly 1 game so far this season and are in 3rd place compared to wor 17th position, just above the drop zone.
'The Basil Brush Brigade' have sold their entire allocation of 3,220 seats in level 7 of The Leazes End, >>>>>>>>>>>
while tickets still remain on sale for the home sections! (We predict a 48,000 plus crowd)

NUFC will be attemptin' to win 'back to back' games for the forst time since last November, while Jamie Vardy will be attemptin' to score in hiz TENTH successive Premyaa Leegue game for Lestaa and equal a record set by Van Nistolrooy in 2003 <(lets hope he DOESN'T!)

On a bright note we will be gannin for a SIXTH consecutive home win ower wor visitors, but this one will surely be the hardest off all to win!---we shall soon find oot!
Indeed!---in the last 35 years, Lestaa have anly managed to win twice in 20 attempts @ SJP, while we have won 15 times in that period!

We have just foond oot that the French national anthem 'Le Marseillaise' will be played before the match in support of the people of France followin' the terrible
events that happened in Paris last week!---
We of course have 5 Frenchmen who could be in wor squad tomorrow, namely, Sissoko, Gouffran, Haidara, Thauvin and Riviere.
Aall othaa Premyaa Leegue games will do likewise ower the weekend! (there are 72 Frenchmen who play in the Premyaa Leegue in total)

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime on Sunday mornin'/afternoon/evenin'!? <(dependin' on the result!)


Thursday 19 November 2015

U15s DERBY GAME OFF!---"BUT! WE'RE OFF TO 'THE MANOR BORN' INSTEAD!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 19th November 2015
NEW GROOND!---NEW GROOND!---NEW MANOR GROOND, ILKESTON

Devastatin' news reached 'The Geordie Times' last neet @ Woodall Services on the M1 via text message @ 'midneet bells' from 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', az aa stopped for a break! 
Wor U15s game scheduled for tooneet against the SMBs U15 side @ Sooth Shields'z, Mariners Park groond, had been caalled off because of a wataerlogged pitch!
I waz retornin' from Redditch in deepest Worcestershire on mee night truck run from Gatesheed when mee phone light 'flashed up' a message in response to my question, askin' if he waz gannin' and if aa waz completely mad thinkin' aboot it!--- he replied: "Your definitely mad coz the game is off!"
A days holiday 'doon the swanny' to visit a new NUFC groond meenz a'll be left 'kickin mee heels' in 'The Strawberry', 'The 3 Bulls' and 'The Hotspur' this evenin' instead! <(It's a hard life!)

Some better news however then appeared on mee 'tellin bone' sayin' that Ilkeston had hammered Shrewsbury 4-1 in the FA Youth Cup last neet and The Toon's U18s would be heedin' there in the next roond of the competition in December (Ilkeston iz much nearer than Shrewsbury, like!)
To 'The Manor Born' here we come (The New Manor Groond, Ilkeston that iz!)

'TO THE MANOR BORN'!

Wednesday 18 November 2015

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS-----TO 'THE MANOR BORN' OR 'THE GREENHOUS GAS'?

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 18th November 2015

THE MANOR GROOND, ILKESTON

Later tooneet we will find oot wor opponents in the FA Youth Cup 3rd roond when Ilkeston Toon take on Shrewsbury Toon in a 2nd roond tie @ The Manor Groond.
The winners will host The Toon's youth team at home sometime in December, so we will be gannin' to ethaa 'The Manor Born' or 'The Greenhous Gas' come Xmas (Shrewsbury play @ Greenhous Meadow)

Both are new groonds of course for the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and we will let yoo naa straight away when we find oot the result, az the game MUST be decided on the neet!


"Watch this space!"

Sunday 15 November 2015

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Posted '11:45am bells' Sunday 15th November 2015
"WILL I GET THERE!?"

For those of yoo who have nevaa been <(and WE have!) 'The Toon's U18s' team are playin' Man U U18s @ Moss Lane, Altrincham on Munday neet @ '7 bells
The game waz moved from Man Us trainin' groond on Saturday to give the youngins some experience of playin' under floodlights az both teams will be doin so in their forthcomin' FA Youth Cup ties in December!
Taalkin' of which!---we have been drawn away to eetha Ilkeston Toon U18s or Shrewsbury Toon U18s who play each othaa on Wednesday neet for the right to face us in the 3rd roond of the competition---BOTH theeze groond are on wor 'wish list' az we havvent been to eethaa! 
The game haz to be played by December 19th and yoo can be sure that the NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers will be there to see it!

AND THEN!---this comin' Thorsday evenin' wor U15s side will face the SMBs U15s at Northern Leegue side Sooth Shields ground in Jarrow? which iz next to BEDE Metro station!---Alan Shearer will open some new function rooms at the Mariners Park groond (formerly Filtrona Park) so there iz sure to be a big crowd considerin' that Sooth Shields is 50% Toon and 50% mackem (and of course the appearance of Shearer will add a canny few more to the crowd!)

The game iz scheduled to kick off @ '6:30 bells' but iz NOT 'cast in stone' yet!

PS: Az this game haz been arranged at very short notice <(a'v just foond oot aboot it!) aa might struggle to get the day off work---but will try my utmost to get there, az, YES! ---a'v nevaa seen a Toon side play at that groond eethaa! <(Seen 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' play there a few years ago, though!)

Update Tuesday:
The U18s won 2-1 @ Man U with Lewis McNall scorin' wor forst goal on the half hour mark before Man U equalised just before the break. Luke Charman got wor winner in the 70th minute!
    

BLANKETY BLANK YET AGAIN!

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 15th November 2015

"ANOTHER BLANK WEEKEND FOR ALL YOU TOON FANS!
BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS WATCH RE-RUNS OF 'BLANKETY BLANK'
ON THE TELLY TO FILL YOUR TIME IN!"

Anothaa International break and anothaa weekend withoot a Toon game!---The 4th time this season so far we have been left 'kickin' wor heels'
News that wor home game against Man U haz been moved forward a day to Tuesday January 12th for live telly---wor anly live game in January! (Unless we draw a non leegue team away in the FA Cup and 'the vultures of the BBC' come a'callin'!

Wor next away game against Pardew's Palace in a fortneets time iz a complete sell-oot with wor allocation of 2,800 tickets sold for The Arthur Wait Stand >>>>>>

Thursday 12 November 2015

PIT YAAKERS v THE TOON U21s *** TOONEET!

Posted '2:35 pm bells' Thorsday 12th November 2015

The Toon are sendin' a team to Ashington tooneet to open their new stand.
Kick off iz at '7 bells' and it's a fiver for big kids and two quid for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

Updated Friday:
The Toon won by 8 (EIGHT!) goals to 1 in the drivin' wind and rain in front of a 1,200 plus crowd!
Sean Longstaff got 4, Adam Laidler got 2 and both Lewis McNall and Owen Gallacher the othaas in this rout in Pit Yaaker Land!

The wind waz so bad that the game had to be stopped when the caterin' tent nearly blew away!  

Tuesday 10 November 2015

mACKEM CONSPIRACY THEORIES!

Posted '12:26pm bells' Tuesday 10th November 2015

News reaches The Geordie Times that goalkeepin' hero from Bournemoooth, Rob Elliot haz been drafted into the Republic of Ireland Euro 2016 squad by Martin O'Neill, despite protests from Steve 'ne brolly' McClaren that he iz unfit for duty!
Rob iz at the moment bein' wrapped 'in cotton wool' for wor game against Lestaa a week on Saturday, but despite this O'Neill, a self confessed mackem fan and ex mackem manager haz demanded he reports for duty for Ireland's vital games on Friday and next Munday!

Of course if wor 3rd choice keeper shud get injured furthaa on International duty then 4th choice 18 year old Freddie Woodman would be drafted in---not the ideal situation!

Conspiracy theories or wot???? 

Sunday 8 November 2015

BOURNEMOOOTH 0 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' remembrance Sunday 8th November 2015
THE TOON'S ANLY ATTACK IN THE 2nd HALF (white shirts)
THE CLOCK MENTIONED BELOW IZ IN THE CORNER!

"BEAT THE CLOCK!"

One of the most inept Toon performances we have ever witnessed happened yesterday on the south coast of Ing-er-land when somehow we managed to win an away game for the forst time in 10 months!

We were absolutleee pathetic! (apart from Rob Elliot in wor goal who had a blinder!) az Bournemoooth pounded wor goal in the forst period and it looked anly a matter of time before they scored az corner after corner waz defended chaotically by wor defence and saved by Rob time and time again!

"WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!"

The breakthrough came ---at the othaa end! when a 1-2-3 combination between Wijnaldum, Mitrovic and Perez resulted in Perez's weakish shot tricklin' ower the goal line to send the 1,362 diehards in the visitors enclosure into ecstasy az we celebrated wor SECOND away goal of the season!

That waz it!---after this it waz aall Bournemoooth az they tried desperately for an equaliser and somehow we managed to get to the half time interval still aheed!
1st HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON ATTACK? THE RIGHT HAND GOAL

Az mentioned, if it wasn't for 3rd choice keeper Rob Elliot in wor goal, we would have been beaten for sure az he made at least six forst class saves to save wor bacon! <(and he waz carryin' an injury!)

The 2nd half waz a case of 'beat the clock' az we again did nothing at aall and continued to give possession away time after time!

Again' Rob saved the day and it waz like the 'Alamo' at times az we somehow kept them at bay! 

We watched agonisingly az the clock in the corner ticked doon az the home side laid siege to wor goal and surely they would score at some point aa thought! <(I watched the clock more than the match in this half!)
I waz thankfully WRANG aboot them scorin' and after a ridiculous SIX minutes of stoppage time waz added by the ref, he finally blew for full time much to the relief of the players and fans alike!

Honestly!---this WAZ one of the worst ever Toon performances a'v ever seen, so to win it waz a surreal situation az we climbed oot of the relegation zone at last!

Bournemoooth had at least SIXTEEN corners durin' the game compared to wor ZERO count, plus wor ANLY shot on target waz wor goal, whereas they had dozens!

On the lang jorney back we stopped off in London toon for a few celebratory 'liquid lubrications' before eventually crossin' The High Level Bridge @ 'midneet bells'----a total jorney time of nineteen and a qwaataa hours and 720 miles! (We'd left on the 4:45 am bells train to gan doon!)

Toon team: Elliot*****, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Dummett, Sissoko, Tiote, Anita (Mbabu 93), Wijnaldum, Mitrovic (Cisse 63), Perez (Thourvin 77)

Attendance: 11,155 (1,365 relieved Toon fans!) *
Bournemoooth's groond iz the 53rd Premyaa Leegue ground that The Toon have played on. ('The Geordie Times' have been to the lot!) We're not 100% sure but we think that this attendance iz the lowest ever for an NUFC Premyaa Leegue game!


The pre and post match gargels in Boscombe (where Bournemoooth play) took place in theeze two 'liquid lubrication locations'

  



And then it waz off to 'The Smoke'
CHESHIRE CHEESE, EMBANKMENT, LONDON

THE HOLE IN THE WALL, WATERLOO, LONDON


 


MYSTERY PUB (CANT REMEMBER NAME!) SOMEWHERE IN LONDON?
("HIC!")

Updated Tuesday:
WOT A DIFFERENCE A WIN MAKES!
 
The Geordie Times pageviews doubled yesterday from the previous week!---We can anly put this doon to wor fortuitous win @ Bournemoooth! ---KEEP THE FAITH!

Friday 6 November 2015

BOURNEMOOOTH v THE TOON *** SATURDAY DINNAATIME?

Updated '1:27pm bells' Friday 6th November 2015

"AALL WE ARE SAYIN'---IZ GIVE US A GOAL!"

On Saturday we must get up at the ungodly hour of '3 am bells' to catch the '4:45 bells' train to King's Cross and then onward to Bournemoooth for the ridiculous '12:45' bells' dinnatime kick off---for the convenience of live telly and the BT couch/bar stool 'fanatics'? back home!---Just WHY? we allow the true fans to be treated this way time after time after time iz beyond belief---BUT!---money talks of course and we've got to line the pockets of 'The Fat Controller' and hiz mates---for this season at least! <(just where? NUFC will end up by the end of this season iz anybody's guess???

Just ONE solitary goal away from home in FIVE games (v Man City in wor 6-1 rout!) tells it's own sorry tale in a year that seems to lurch from worse to even WORSE!

With NE away leegue wins since January and just FOWER in the whole year includin' aall wor home games, meeenz that failure to beat Eddie Howe's team on Saturday will put us well on the road  to wor WORST year since the 2nd World War, shud we fail to win at least 5 of the final 7 games left this year! <(we have never won less than 9 games in 'a calendar year' since the war ended in 1945!) 

Of course there's aalways 'hope' and the encouragin' thing iz we have had 36 shots in the last 2 games and must hope that this continues and we finally score wor SECOND away goal of the campaign az we move into November! 

The game iz of course a complete sell-oot and we will have just 1,365 fans in the away enclosure cometh the kick off!
It waz actually harder to get tickets for this game than the derby against The SMBs az 105 loyalty points were needed, compared to anly 50 for the mackem game! (1 loyalty point for each away game attended!)
We reckon that the demand for the few tickets available iz because most 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been here before, az it's ower 20 years since we last played @ Dean Court (Since renamed 'Goldsands' and now 'The Vitality Stadium') <(Wot will they caall it next?)

Wethaa goalie Rob Elliot will play or not iz yet to be decided but a competitive debut for 18 year old Freddie Woodman iz on the cards shud Elliot not make it!

A win would propel us oot of the bottom 3 and above Bournemoooth who would drop into it---BUT! a defeat would cast us FIVE points adrift of them in the relegation zone!

Anothaa 'must win game'????---YOO BET!



"HISTORY IN THE MAKIN'!"

The roond trip to Bournemoooth iz 720 miles makin' it the LANGEST Premyaa Leegue/top flight jorney in history!

THE TOP 4 PREMYAA LEEGUE JORNIES
1: Bournemoooth: 720 miles roond trip from the Toon
2: Swanzee: 702 miles
3: Portsmoooth: 696 miles
4: Sooothampton: 666 miles 

PS: A 'Geordie Times' archive match report from wor visit to Dean Court in 1989 (az their groond waz called back then!) iz published below!

Tuesday 3 November 2015

SOME LADY LUCK AT LAST??

Posted '12:50pm bells' Tuesday 3rd November 2015

At forst look a goal-less draw and just one point at home v Stoke looks a bad result--but!---'az lady luck would have it' AALL the rest of the teams in the bottom 5 lost this weekend, with The Hazbeenz & Villians losin' @ Sporz last neet to complete a pointless weekend for 'them', Bournemoooth, The Canary Custards of Norwich and The SMBs, who got slaughtered @ Everton on Sunday dinnaatime!

The leegue table still doesn't look good readin' of course, but a point gained iz better that nowt!

We honestly beleeeve that the teams mentioned (includin' 'US') will be in the relegation 'mix' til the end of the season and that ANY 3 from the 5 mentioned could be jettisoned to the hell of 'The Championship' come May!---Lets hope it ISN'T 'US' and that we can somehow pick up a win @ Bournemoooth this Saturday to move oot the bottom 3 and finally 'kick start' wor season!
36 shots in the last 2 games and 0 goals to show for it iz the reason we are where we are! ---Some more 'lady luck' iz needed on Saturday in the shape of an away goal or two! (we have scored just ONE away from home so far this season!)

More to follow on wor trip to the south coast later this week!---az per usual 'watch this space'!  

Sunday 1 November 2015

THE TOON 0 THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 1st November 2015

"RED SKY AT NIGHT--BUT NOT MUCH DELIGHT!"

'Dead' simple reeely! <(it had to be on Halloween!)---Jack Butland the Stoke keeper waz the difference between us winnin' and drawin' this game with a series of blindin' saves, especially in the 2nd half az we attacked The Leazes goal!

Accordin' to 'The Sunday Sun' we have had 50 shots in the last 2 games withoot scorin', while 'Match of the Day' reackons it's 36!---take your pick?, but it doesn't reeely matter does it?---ne goals meeenz ne 3 points!
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (1st half)

Mitrovic came closest to scorin' in the 1st half az we attacked the Gallowgate goal with hiz back heeder hittin' the post but reboundin' back into play to deny us!
Perez, Sissoko and Wijnaldum aall had great efforts saved by Butland and then with just 4 minutes left on the clock a free kick foond sub Lascelles heed (who had came on just 3 mins orlier) ,but we were denied again by the 'P*ss Potters' goalie with a spectacular save to put the baall ower the bar @ The Leazes End and the game ended goal-less!
BUTLAND'S SAVES OFF LASCELLES

We now haven't won on a Saturday home or away game for an incredible NINE MONTHS! az we move into November (wor last win on a Saturday waz against Villa @ SJP in February---wor anly othaa 2 wins were on on a Sunday! (West Ham and Norwich)
(ie: 3 wins in 9 months)
Ne if's or 'Butts' aboot it!----That's just ONE win in ELEVEN leegue games now this sorry season---but it definateleeee shud have been TWO!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat (Lascelles 83), Mbemba, Coloccini, Dummett, Sissoko, Tiote (De Jong 71), Anita, Wijnaldum, Mitrovic, Perez

Attendance: 47,139? (2,500 P*ss Potts' in level 7 of The Leazes End)    


"47,000 plus???? waz there reeeely"???? ^^^^

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