Thursday 28 November 2013

THE TOON v THE BAGGIE TROOSERS *** TEATIME TODAY!

Updated 1:10pm bells' Saturday 30th November 2013
ACTION FROM WOR HOME GAME v WBA LAST SEASON
(WE WON 2-1!)

We now torn wor attention to teatime today when we play 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' in a live telly game @' 5:30 bells' @ St James' Park!

Amazingly we are lookin' for wor FOURTH 'win on the spin' and find worsels in the dizzy heights of EIGHTH place in 'The Premyaa' and anly TWO! points off a Champions Leegue spot!

'The Baggies' we think, will be a lot harder to beat than 'The Canary Custards of Norwich', who we played last Saturday! (They have anly lost ONCE oot of SIX on their travels this season!)

We understand that wor visitors have sent back up to half their allocation of tickets, so extra ones are on sale in 'level 7' of 'The Leazes End' to Toon fans!

Team news: We understand that Debuchy is OK to play and that 'Spiderman' iz back in trainin' (Gutierrez)
Paul Dummett iz aalso available for selection az well!

Anothaa 50,000 plus crowd iz predicted by 'us' and a full match report will follow sometime tomorrow mornin'!
And az for the scoreline???---this iz NUFC we are taalkin' aboot---anythin' can happen!
Az per usual ---watch this space!

Wednesday 27 November 2013

NORTH EAST ENGLAND TOP 20 AVERAGE GATES

Updated '2:40 pm bells' Wednesday 27th October 2013
ST JAMES' PARK FROM LEAZES PARK

The latest crowd figures for the north east have just been updated by 'The Geordie Times' stat man ---and yet again! we are 'top of the pile by a mile'!

1 THE TOON***50,375
2 SMBs***42,709
3 The Smog Monsters***15,375
4 The Monkey Hangers***3,583
5 Darlo***1,117
6 The Heed Bangers***775
7 Spenny***417
8 Berwick Strangers***390
9 The Whitley Bay Watchers***323
10 The Spartans of Blyth***319
11 The Bishops***244
12 West Auckland Toon***231
13 The Pit Yaakers of Ashington***199
14 Shildonians***182
15 The Maske-er Raiders***180
16 The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston***178
17 North Sheeelds***175
18 By Hook or by Crook***150
19 Woof Woof Terriers***149
20 Guisboro Toon***141

Tuesday 26 November 2013

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS (FOR BEGINNERS!)

Posted '1:13pm bells' Tuesday 26th November 2013

Aa naa this iz a little bit late!--but wor Resorve U21s are playin' Bormingham @ St Andrews this afternoon in less than an hours time @ '2 bells' in the new U21 Premier League 'League Cup' for any new NUFC groundhoppers who fancy it?

But yi'd better hurry az it normally teks three hours to drive there in a 'jam-jar' <(rocket boosters needed!) 

It's ironic to say the least that aall be passin' St Andrews toneet @ aboot '8 bells', a groond yoo can see from the M6 Motorway!
(ie: aa WON'T be there!) <(been there many times before of course and got the 'T Shirt' in the 1970s!)

STOP PRESS! We've just foond oot that yoo can watch the game on Bormingham's 'U Tube' channel!

STOP!***STOP PRESS!***We lost 2-1 with Ronaldo Aarons gettin' wor goal so anothaa cup gans 'doon the pan'!

Monday 25 November 2013

"USA AALL THE WAY!" *** "15,000 YANKYOOZ!"

Posted 1:13pm bells Monday 25th November 2013
"GEORDIE TIMES AALL THE WAY!"

Ower the weekend the USA recorded it's fifteen thousandth hit on 'The Geordie Times' website, which iz one thord of the total UK hits!

Az per usual the 'celebrations' have started in New York az the 'ritual' of climbin' The Empire State Building by King Kong continues!

We thank each and everyone of yoo from 'across the pond' for loggin' into this site!
88,387***the total pageviews to date
145***the total number of countries and territories to have viewed this site (plus Mars!)  

Countries with more than 1,000 pageviews:

1 UK***45,905
2 USA***15,232
3 UKRAINE***4,236
4 'Mee old' CHINA***2,510
5 JAWMANY***1,776
6 THE GUINNESS REPUBLIC***1,071

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

FULL CONSETT HILLBILLIES MATCH REPORT FROM LAST FRIDAY BELOW!

THE CONSETT HILLBILLIES 1 TOON XX11 2 ***GROUND 306 ***BELLE VUE STADIUM, CONSETT

Ground number 306
Date of 1st Visit: 24th November 2013
Belle Vue Stadium, Consett, Coonty Durham

Consett  1
Newcastle United XX11 !  2  (Adam Campbell, Mystery Man 1?)

Friendly Fixture to open new groond
Attendance: 1,200 (estimated)

"THE CONSETT PARTY***OR!****
THE MUTHAA IN LAWS PARTY!?" 

The afternoon started off near the 'banks o the Tyne' @ '4 bells'  when we set off in 'The Caped Crusaders' new 'bat-mobile' ('plus 2' on hiz temp gauge!) for the 12 mile torturous jorney through the rush hour traffic to Consett high up in the moontains of Coonty Durham where we arrived half an hour later! <("Er!"---the jorney wasn't that bad!)

After parkin' up in the 'Hillbillies' club car park we made for the Travellers Rest a couple of hundred yards up the road for some much needed 'sustenance' to waam us up <(John Smith's!) az it waz 'minus 5' by then!  

It waz then onward to the new Consett clubhouse where a pint of Banks Bitter waz purchased by 'yours truelee'!
It looked like dorty dishwaataa and tasted just the same az aa struggled to drink the noxious substance! "AAaaaggggg!!!!!"

The clubhouse waz packed, mainly with scantily clad lasses who were to perform at 'The Consett Party' openin' ceremony, with dancin', handstands and somersaults on the pitch az Peter Beardsley opened the new groond! <(they are a hardy lot up here---that's for sure!)

'Dave from York then entered the bar and telt us excitedly that this waz hiz 250th groond watchin' The Toon, becomin' anly the FIFTH Toon fans to have joined 'The Qwaataa of a THOOSAND'  Grounds Club! <("Well done Dave!---yoo sad b*stard!")
(For the record the othaaz are 'The Caped Crusader', 'Glennn from Ashington', 'Biffa the Beer' and little ol' me!, 'Fink' ('the mad-sad groundhopper'!)

Dave then informed us that hiz 'sidekick' and fellow 'mad-sad groundhopper' 'Alex of St George' WASN'T comin' az he had decided to attended hiz mutthaa in laws 70th borthday party, instead of 'The Consett Party'! <(wots the world comin' to???)

Threats of divorce proceedings from their lass and bornt Sunday dinners with luke waam, lumpy Bisto gravy, for the next SIX MONTHS, 'blackmailed' him to de the former, but wot 'muthaa in law hater' Les Dawson would have made of it aall iz anybodys guess???

"ALEX!---YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO 'THE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

The match was delayed 25 minutes to let the crowd in az we froze to death near one of the corner flags in the Arctic conditions, where we had stood for FORTY MINUTES! <(honestly!---we wished that the match could have been ower before it had started!)

Played on a synthetic pitch we took the lead through Adam Campbell in the 30th minute with a low shot, before the home side equalised orly in the 2nd half.

By this time mee 'tootsies' on mee right foot were freezin' 'off' az aa jumped up and doon tryin' to keep waam!

We regained the lead late on through 'Mystery Man 1? who heeded the baall in from a corner taken by 'Mystery Man 2', az we played virtually an entirely different team in the 2nd period from the 1st! <(and we didn't have a clue who most of them were?) <(Under 16s we suspect!)
In total 22 players were used by us includin' 52 year old Peter Beardsley!
THE WINNIN' GOAL! 'MYSTERY MAN 2' TAKES A CORNER
AND 'MYSTERY MAN 1' HEEDS HOME (CENTRE OF PIC)

Attendance: 1,200 (estimated) (approximately 300 fans were there at the finish!) <(includin' us, who had severe frostbite by this time!)

PS: and for the record!, we later foond oot that the corner waz taken by Joe Kerridge and the winnin' goal waz scored by Jamie Cobain! 



Sunday 24 November 2013

THE TOON 2 THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES 1

Posted '10:55am bells' Sunday 24th November 2013

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END IN THE 1st MINUTE

Delia Smith's Canary Custards 'crumbled' on Tyneside today when they lost 2-1 @ St James' Park against a Toon team that waz miles better than them!

The Toon took the lead az orly az the 2nd minute when we actually scored from a corner kick taken by Yohan Cabaye and we looked certain to ring up a big score when Lioc Remy heeded in unmarked at the post!

The lead waz doubled in the 38th minute when Norwich goalie Ruddy fumbled the baall from a heeder by Shola Ameobi and Gouffran waz on hand to poke the baall into the net!

Really it shud have been more at the break az the visitors were p*ss poor, but this iz NUFC of course and az per usual we came oot a different team in the 2nd half and let 'The Custards' attack us az we tried to defend wor 2 goal lead.

Then in the 80th minute they got a breakthrough when Fer heeded in off the post to beat Tim Krul for the 1st time since we lost to Man City in the Leegue Cup at the end of October!
"LETS BE 'AVIN YOO"---"HELP!"

A predictably nervous few minutes then ensued az the visitors tried to get the equaliser but we held oot to claim the 3 points and wor 3rd win in a row!

A Cisse shot near the end waz ruled oot for offside, but later replays showed that the goal shud have stood!

Toon team: Krul, Yanga, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Sissoko, Cabaye (Anita 68), Tiote, Gouffran (Ben Arfa 83), Remy, Shola Ameobi (Cisse 74)

Attendance: 51,328 (1,500 Canary Custards)




Friday 22 November 2013

THE CONSETT HILLBILLIES v TOON X1 ***TONEET! ***GRAND OPENIN' OF NEW GROOND! ***GRAND OPENIN' OF NEW GROOND!

Posted '1:22pm bells' Friday 22nd November 2013

"CROOKHAALL!***CROOCKHAALL!***HERE WE COME!"

The adrenaline iz startin' to pump aalready at the prospect of toneets game at Consett AFC where  a NUFC X1 will take on the Northern Leegue outfit in the grand openin' of their new groond in Crookhaall which iz aboot half a mile from Consett toon centre.

Peter Beardsley will cut the ribbon @ '7:30 bells' to open 'Belle Vue Stadium' and we anticipate that a 1,000 crowd will be there to see it!

We are settin' of at '4:30 bells' for 'Hillbillie Country' and to sample the delight of the local cusine of 'Red Dust Bitter' in 'The Grey Horse' boozer where it iz brewed on-site.
We understand that the pub isn't tooo far from the new groond and we went there for Consett's last ever game at their old groond at the end of last season when we won 6-0!
(match report on that game below!)

A full 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match report will appear here tomorrow mornin' sometime, before heedin' for St James' where there's a little matter of a Premyaa Leegue encoontaa against 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' tomorrow afternoon @ '3 bells'

A full match report on that game will appear here on Sunday mornin'!  

CONSETT 0 THE TOON RESORVES 6 (SIX!)

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday 16th May 2013

(Ground number 187 re-visited***last ever visit)
Date of Last Visit:15th May 2013
Belle Vue Park, Consett

Consett  0
Newcastle United reserve X1  6 (six!) (Inman 2, Tavernier, Aarons, Quinn, Streete)  

Friendly Fixture
Attendance:1,000 (estimated) (mostly Toon fans, 1 Villa fan, 0 SMBs!) 


"CONSETT BITE THE 'RED' DUST!"
BRAD INMAN SCORES THE 1ST GOAL

The last game ever for Consett AFC @ Belle Vue waz played toneet when The Toon sent a strang resorve side up to the moontains of Coonty Durham!

The pre match 'gargels' took place in 'The Grey Horse' 'real ale' boozer, which iz a five minute waalk from the groond and where the beer iz actually brewed!

Pints of 'Red Dust Bitter' were consumed in this former steel toon, where 'red dust' used to dye the toon 'crimson' from the huge steelworks 30 years ago, but which have lang since 'bit the dust'<(sic!)

A canny crowd looked to have assembled az we queued to get through the tornstiles and we guessed that there were aboot 1,000 present az the game kicked off!

Consett iz one of them places when NUFC and SMB fans are split 50-50 in torms of support for both teams and just last week the SMBs played a friendly here in front of just 400 spectators! (less than half of toneets crowd!)

There were loads of Toon fans of aall ages dotted aroond the groond, but aa didn't spot ONE mackem in the crowd, which waz suprizin'? (but aa DID spot a youngin in a Villa jacket!)

Dark grey sky's greeted the players<(not unexpected roond theeze parts in May!) and before lang The Toon had taken the lead when Brad Inman waltzed aroond their keeper to put us 1-0 up after just 8 minutes play!
The Steelmen fought back but could'nt find the equaliser and we went in 1-0 up at the break!

A mad dash to the clubhoose to beat 'the crowd' then ensued and a pint of 'Banks Bitter' waz ordered by yours truely!
The barman commited that everybody waz drinkin' 'Banks', but I pointed oot to him that that waz the anly 'bitter' on offer anyway!--so wot else could aa ask for???(apart from Fosters Lager---which aa divvint like!---like!)

TAVERNIER PENALTY***2-0!

Anyway!---we managed to make the 2nd half kick off in time and within a minute we were 2-0 up when Tavenier covorted a penalty after Brad Inman had been hacked doon in the box!
Inman made it 3 not lang after with a low drive through the box.
Rolando Aarons made the game safe in the 54th minute when he poked the baall in from close range and then 'The Mighty Quinn' (Jonathyn) scored a simalar goal not lang after to increase wor lead to wot waz becomin' a cricket score!

The part timers from 'Red Dust Country' looked knackered by this point and a sixth goal in the final minute sealed their misery when 'Quality
Streete' (Remie) turned in a corner to complete the rout!

Consett played in aall red, so it waz nice for a change to revorse a certain scoreline from two weeks ago @ St James'! (When anothaa team who play in aall red, 'The Liverbirds', put six past us!)

'GEORDIE TIMES' QUIZ QUESTION:
The Toon have played on anothaa English groond which ne langer exists, which waz aalso caalled  'Belle Vue'
Can yoo name the team who used to play there?
Clue: A very famous ex Toon player and manager waz born there!

'The Geordie Times' will give yoo the answer sometime next week, when we will de a groond report from that game az well!

PS For an archive report on wor visit to Belle View, Consett in 1999, scroll doon page

Thursday 21 November 2013

CONSETT PARTY IN FULL SWING ***JUST ONE! DAY TO GAN!

Posted '12:25pm bells' Thorsday 21st November 2013
"NO!"***NOT THAT! CONSERT PARTY!"

There iz just ONE DAY to gan before the BIG DAY at Consett when The Toon will open 'The Hillbillies' new groond @ 7:45 tomorrow neet!

Many (many!) 'mad-sad groundhoppers' will be in attendance to witness this historic occasion @ Belle Vue Stadium, includin' quite a few 'anorak' groundhoppers who follow non leegue futbaall!

Az mentioned previousleee we are sendin' a Toon X1 side up to the wilds of Coonty Durham and Peter Beardsley will de the honours az he haz been chosen to open the new groond!

The co-ordinates <(we naa aall the posh words!) for the groond for those of yoo with 'sat navs' iz: DH8 7ES 

A 1,000 crowd iz predicted by us, in wot iz sure to be to be a 'party atmosphere', so get there orly to 'claim' your place! (but divvint forget to tek your snow shovel with yoo---just in case!)


HEEDBANGIN' @ THE HEEDBANGERS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 21st November 2013
"WHY DON'T WE PLAY THEM AT WAATERPOLO INSTEAD!"

Aa naa this iz a bit late!? but Gatesheed's home FA Cup tie with 'The Oxtail Soops' of Oxford waz  caalled off last neet at the last minute due to a waterlogged pitch after torrential rain on Tyneside!

A new date in the forst week of December haz been pencilled in for the re-arranged match!

Remember! 'The Geordie Times' brings yoo aall the latest news second hand***forst!

Wednesday 20 November 2013

JUST TWO! DAYS TO GAN FOR 'THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS'! ***THE CONSETT HILLBILLIES v TOON X1

Posted '1:38pm bells' Wednesday 20th November 2013
"JUST TWO DAYS CHOMPIN' TO GAN!---MAAN!"

Forst of aall---apologeeez for not updatin' this site yesterday!---This waz due to circumstances beyond wor control az we had a power cut for three hours and the computaa 'went doon'!
(N POWER have got a lot of explainin' to de!)

Anyway!---the power iz back on and wor trip to 'The Hillbillies' of Consett on Friday neet iz still on az well, despite the inclement <(we naa aall the big words!) weathaa and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are 'chompin at the bit' at the prospect of yet anothaa new grooond to chalk off  'the (nevaa endin'!) list'!

'Michael Fish' still says there iz a risk of snow but divvint believe everything that he says aftaa gettin' the great storm of 1987 completely wrang!
"AND DON'T WORRY!*** TEMPERATURES WILL BE
IN THEIR HIGH 90s IN CONSETT ON FRIDAY NIGHT!"

Az mentioned previously, a 'Toon X1' side will be on parade for us with 'Beardo' openin' the groond and makin' a cameo appearance despite hiz 50 years plus age! <(hope he brings hiz 'zimmer'?)

Admission we understand iz six quid for grown ups and half that for zimmerframeites, while spogs can get in for just a quid! and kick off iz at '7:45 bells'
We estimate that a crowd of around 1,000 will torn up!?

More to follow on aall this later!

Monday 18 November 2013

THE HEEDBANGERS v THE OXTAIL SOOPS ***TOONEET! ***FA CUP 1st ROOND REPLAY! ***"THE £90,000 GAME!"

Updated '1:40pm bells' Wednesday 20th November 2013


One of the biggest games in Conference side Gatesheed's recent history teks place toooneet @ Gatesheed International Stadium, when they play Oxford United of Leegue Two in an FA Cup replay which haz been dubbed "The £90,000 game!"

This iz because the winners will progress to the next roond where they will face Wrexham away in anothaa live telly game worth £90,000 in TV money etc! <(a considerable amoont for a 'cash strapped' club like Gatesheed!)
The forst game @ Oxford a week gone Saturday ended 2-2 after 'The Heed' threw away a 2 goal lead in the dyin' minutes!

If yoo buy an advance ticket for this game, then it will anly cost yoo A FIVER! ***However!-***if yoo decide to 'pay on the night' then this gans up to FOURTEEN QUID!***so yoo are well advised to get to the stadium ticket office yesterday if yoo plan on gannin' and save yourself NINE QUID! (openin' times are from '9am til 6:30pm bells'!)
(Zimmerframeite prices on the neet are NINE QUID while sprogs will anly have to pay TWO QUID to get in!)

'The Oxtails' are sure to bring a 'souper' followin' <(sic!) and a crowd of 2,500 iz wor guess?*** the game iz on live BT telly, with a '7:45 bells' kick off!

Unfortunately, az a'm workin' neetshift toneet, aa won't be able to gan, but aa will be listenin' intentleee on mee Truck radio az aa travel doon to Halesowen, sooth west of Bormingham, yet again! <(for the 87th time since Joon!) <(NO!---a'm not that sad---a'v got to keep coont az aa get paid by each trip!)   

OFFICIAL!*** 'BEARDO' TO OPEN NEW GROOND!

Posted '9:10am bells' Monday 18th November 2013



'The Geordie Times' can excluuusiveleee reveal that former Toon hero and current resorve team coach, Peter Beardsley, will open Consett's new groond this comin' Friday neet when a Toon X1 will provide the opposition!

'Beardo', who iz in hiz 50s now, iz set to play <(for at least some of the game!) and The Toon have promised to send their strongest possible team, bearin' in mind that we play 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' @ St James' Park the next day in a Premyaa Leegue encoontaa!

The new groond which haz one of them synthetic pitches iz to be called 'Belle Vue Stadium', which of course teks it's name from the old one which waz caalled simply 'Belle Vue'!

The anly doonside to aall this iz that snow iz expected later on this week az temperatures are set to plummet and Consett of course iz high up in the 'moontains' of Coonty Durham next to 'The Pennine chain', which doesn't help!

More to follow on aall this az the week progresses!

Sunday 17 November 2013

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 2 THE THIEVES of CROOK 1 ***FA VASE 2nd ROOND

Posted '10:55am bells' Sunday 17th November 2013
'THE CROOKS' GOALIE LIES IN THE GOALMOOTH IN DISPAIR
@ 'THE DUNSTON TEA-HUT END'
AZ 'THE BAD BLUE BOYS' TAKE A TWO GOAL LEAD!


2012 FA Vase winners 'Dunston Bad Blue Boys' progressed to the next roond of the competition yesterday when they beat 'The Thieves of Crook' 2-1 @ Federation Park, Dunston in front of an estimated 250 crowd! <(estimated by ME!)

The home side took the lead orly on @ 'The Dunston Rocketless End' <(The 'Rocket' tower block waz demolished last year!) when fine work from Danny Craggs and lee McAndrew foond Dale Burrell and hiz shot went in via the post!

The lead waz doubled orly in the 2nd period when a Stephen Goddard pass foond Nicky Kane and he wellied the baall into the Crook Toon net from the edge of the box @ 'The Dunston Teahut End', az their goalie laid despairingly on the pitch for aroond 30 seconds after the goal! (see above pic!)


The visitors pulled one back through a penalty at the mid-point of the half and it waz a nervy last qwaata of the game for 'The Bad Blue Boys' az  'The Crooks' tried to 'pinch' an equaliser!
ACTION AT 'THE DUNSTON ROCKETLESS END'

But it waz to ne avail and Dunston now progress to the next roond alang with 'The Whitley Bay Watchers' who won 3-0 against Runcorn Toon, 'The Pit Yaakkers of Ashington' who were 3-1 winners against Worksop and Morpeth Toon and Newcastle Benfield who both hit SIX in their respective games to reach roond 3, with the ultimate prize a trip to Wembley for the final next May!

After the match it off to the packed clubhoose to celebrate with the team with a few 'broon ales'! <(Imagine dein' that with the NUFC 1st team?)
"ER!"---"SORRY ABOOT THE CRUMPLED TEAMSHEET!
BUT IT'S BEEN IN MEE BACK POCKET SINCE YESTERDAY!"

Saturday 16 November 2013

THE BAD BLUE BOYS v THE THIEVES of CROOK ***FA VASE 2nd ROOND ***TODAY!

Posted '12:35pm bells' Saturday 16th November 2013

Az mentioned orlier this week, a'v decided to 'take in' Dunston's game against Crook Toon in the FA Vase @ Federation Park, Dunston, (kick off '3 bells') az of course 'The Toon' have yet anothaa blank weekend due to yet anothaa International break! <(Just wot good that done England last neet, who lost 2-0 to Chile @ Wembley, iz anybody's guess?)

Of course 'Wembley' iz the ultimate prize for the FA Vase finalists and it shud be a crackin' game in blustery conditions! <(ie: it's dead windy ootside  az aa speak az the waves in the Tyne testify! 


Anyway!--a'm takin' mee trusty camera alang to get a few fotos of the action on the pitch (and in the clubhouse!) and will post a match report later today or tomorrow for anybody who iz remotelee interested? <("ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!")

Wednesday 13 November 2013

WORLD AND EUROPEAN AVERAGE GATES LEEGUE 2013-2014 (TOP 20)

Updated '1:40pm bells' Wednesday 13th November 2013

ST JAMES' PARK***THE MILBURN STAND

The Toon have dropped 3 places since last season in the world average gates leegue and we now find worsels ootside the top 10 in 13th place, the same az last month!
Wor average since then haz climbed to just above the 50,000 mark!
Europe haz aall the best supported sides in the world!

Borussia Dortmund from Jawmany are still the best supported club side in the world az we write, with an incredible average gate of ower 81,000!

1 Borussia Dortmund***81,430 (Jawmany)
2 Barcelona***80,437 (Spain)
3 The Cockney Reds of Salford***75,135 (London!)
4 Real Madrid***74,752 (Spain)
5 Bayern Munich***71,020 (Jawmany)
6 Real Sociedad***64,993 (Spain)
7 Schalke 04***61,604 (Jawmany)
8 The Arse***60,025 (London)
9 Hertha Berlin***55,569 (Jawmany)
10 Hamborg***53,691 (Jawmany)
11 Borussia Munchin' Gladbachs***52,456 (Jawmany)
12 Ajax***50,432 (Holland)
13 THE TOON***50,185 (Geordieland!)
14 Eintract Frankfurt***49,500 (Jawmany)
15 The Blue Moonies***47,047 (Mancland)
16 Celtic***46,016 (Scotland)
17 Stuttgart***45,694 (Jawmany)
18 Atletico Madrid***44,969 (Spain)
19 The Liverbirds***44,704 (Mickey Mooseland)
20 Hannover 96***44,257 (Jawmany)   

Tuesday 12 November 2013

"BLANKETY BLANK!"

Posted '1:19pm bells' Tuesday 12th November 2013
"WHITLEY BAY or DUNSTON?"

With ne NUFC fixtures of any description from the forst team to the juniors for ELEVEN DAYS! we find worsels kickin' wor heels once again until a Toon X1 open Northern League Consett's new groond a week on Friday!

Yet anothaa 'blanket blank' weekend coz of Internationals meenz that we must find wor 'fix' this weekend somewhere else!

The FA Vase looks the best bet with quite a few Tyneside and Northumberland Northern League sides still in it.

Newcastle Benfield play Cheadle Toon from Cheshire, while 'The Pit Yaakkers' of Ashington host Worsop Parramore!

If yoo fancy a trip to the seaside then yoo can aalways watch Morpeth Toon who travel to Cleethorpes Toon <(aallso the home toon of Grimsby Toon of course!)

Whickham are at home to Parkgate, while fower times Vase winners Whitley Bay 'Watchers' play Runcorn Toon @ their Hillheads groond

2012 winners 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston play Crook Toon @ Federation Park and az as this iz the nearest game to me, then aa finx that's where aa'll be heedin' come Saturday @ '3 bells' <(via Dunston's clubhoose of course!)

Yoo could of course take in a Conference game @ Gatesheed Stadium where 'The Heedbangers' host Salisbury City! (with reduced prices for NUFC season ticket holders on production of your season ticket card!) (£9) (£2,U16's) 

Aall games kick off @ '3 bells'---The choice iz entirely yours!

Monday 11 November 2013

SPORZ 0 THE TOON 1

Posted '1:48pm bells' Monday 11th November 2013

"WE WILL REMEMBER THEM!" >>>>>


THE SUN BLAZES DOON AZ THE TOON 'BLAZE DOON' ON THE SPORZ GOAL!
(The Toon are in 'Brazil yellow'!)

"KRUL' LUCK FOR SPORZ, AZ WE HAD THE PORFECT 'REMY'DY!"

It waz 45 years and 1 day since mee forst visit to 'the smoke' when we drew 0-0 with 'The Arse' @ Highbury in 1968, which iz just fower miles doon the road from White Hart Lane!

And this of course torned oot to be a 'very happy annivorary' az we beat 'The Arse's' arch rivals 'Sporz' 1-0 with a superb goal from Loic Remy in the 13th minute, when he rounded Brad Friedel in the home goal @ 'wor end' of the groond!

The 1st half belonged to us az we pressed for the opener from 'the off' and Remy's goal bore 'the fruits of our labour' az the Toon played in their new 'Brazil' 3rd strip of yellow shirts, blue shorts and white socks!

We could have had more but had to settle for a one goal advantage at the break az Sporz predictably 'came at us' from the start of the 2nd half.
Tim Krul waz wor hero of this half when he made save after breathtakin' save az Sporz laid siege to wor goal, but 'lady luck' waz on wor side this time az they just couldn't get the baall into wor net!

The biased ref and hiz two linesmen gave decision after decision to the home side (or shud that be 'b*stard' referee and linesmen?) but somehow we held oot to claim the 3 away points az the 2,400 Toon fans celebrated wildleee at the final whistle after SIX minutes of extra time waz added by 'the b*stard in the black'!

After the match we heeded to 'McGlynn's bar' near King's Cross for a few 'doon yer neck' 'gargels' before heedin for the train yem!

 Wor train waz predicably 'dry' on the way back, with one 'Transport Dibble' askin' me THREE TIMES if I had any alcohol in mee bag, az he shaked uncontrollably! <(hopin' that aa had, so he  could 'nick me'!)
"Aall av got mate, iz a couple of 'scabby eyes'(pies) and a bottle of 'Fanta' orange!", aa said, az he looked at me 'deflatedly' < (if there's such a word!)

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Yanga, Santon, Sissoko, Cabaye, Tiote, Gouffran (Obertan 84), Remy (Cisse 74), Shola Ameobi (Anita 59)

Attendance: 36,042 (2,400 very happy and relieved Toon fans!)





Saturday 9 November 2013

SPORZ v THE TOON *** 'HIGH NOON BELLS' ***THIS SUNDAY DINNAATIME!

Updated '1:40pm bells' Saturday 9th November 2013
 
 
"READY FOR 'THE OFF'!"

For the fourth weekend in a row we find worsels with a dinnaatime kick of, this time @ White Hart Lane in "norf Landan" at the ungodly Sunday 'Sky' time of 'high noon bells' <(they really couldn't give a sh*t aboot us---could they???)

We find worsels on the five to seven bells' train, which (hopefully!) wont be delayed by floods, famine or 'leaves on the line' and we shud be able to get a few gargels before the game!
But we won't be in Tottenham for a drink az many of the pubs are now eetha boarded up, been torned into 'flower shops' etc or were bornt doon in the riots!
A few 'liquid lubrications' aroond King's Cross looks wor best bet, when we get there!

Aall the trains back are 'dry' of course, thanx to the British Transport Dibbles (just to make wor 'trip experience'  a bit more less enjoyable---yoo understand!)
Which begs the question once again!---Why don't they just ban the troublemakers and leave the rest of us in peace???

The Toon will be playin' in their new 'Mellow Yellow' away (3rd!) strip and 'Fab' Coloccini iz expected to feature az iz Cheik Tiote who haz been carryin' an injury.
Ne sign however of 'Spiderman' Guttierrez who iz still in Argentina due to 'family reasons'?

The Toon have sold their entire allocation of tickets, which numbers some 2,400 we understand!

Match report to follow sometime on Monday!

Thursday 7 November 2013

45 YEARS AGO TODAY! ***GROOND NUMBER 004 !

Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday 9th November 2013
HIGHBURY ***AZ IT LOOKED IN 1968

It iz 45 years ago tooday since aa forst saw The Toon play in London against The Arse @ their old Highbury groond and it waz aalso Remembrance Sunday week az well!
By pure coincidence aa will find meesel back in norf Landan this Remembrance Sunday when we play Sporz @ White Hart Lane.

Back in 1968 Harold Wilson waz Labour Prime minister, and Ted Heath hiz Tory opponent. The Beatles and The Rollin' Stones were in their heyday and it waz anly two bob to get into a futbaall match (10p! kids---20p adults!) and programmes were sixpence (less than 3p!)

Beer waz less than two bob a pint (although aa waz too young to drink back then!) and yoo could buy a packet of fish n chips for 'one and six'! (7p!)

Below iz mee archive match report from that day when aa travelled doon to 'the smoke' for the forst time by the supporters club bus for the princely sum of 25 shillings! <(mee finx!?) (£1:25p!)

"Aa memories!" <("quick!---pass mee zimmer frame!")

Wednesday 6 November 2013

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS ALERT! *** "NEW GROOND!***NEW GROOND!***NEW GROOND!"

Posted '12:43pm bells' Wednesday 6th November 2013

"URGENT NEWSFLASH!"


"IF THIS DOESN'T HAVE YOO
DROOOOLIN' AT THE MOUTH
THEN NOTHIN' WILL!"
Attention aall 'mad-sad groundhoppers', be yoo of the 'NUFC Variety' or the 'Anorak Brigade' who follow non leegue futbaall!
The Geordie Times haz been informed by mad-sad groundhoppers 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and 'Biffa the Bear', that a Toon X1 will officially open Consett's new groond on Friday 22nd November @ 7:45pm bells'!
 


Admission will be £6 for big kids***£3 for zimmerframeites***£1 for sprogs!

The new groond which cost 3 million poond to build iz situated in the Crookhaall area of Consett aboot half a mile sooth of the toon centre!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this forst in The Geordie Times and ne where else!

Tuesday 5 November 2013

305 THE HAZBEENS & VILLIANS U21s 6 THE TOON U21s 2 ! ***PIRELLI STADIUM

Posted '12:40pm bells' 'Bonfire Day' Tuesday 5th November 2013

(Ground number 305)
Date of First Visit: 4th November 2013
Pirelli Stadium, Burton on Trent

Aston Villa U21s 6
Newcastle United U21s 2 (Armstrong, Vuckic) 

FA Premier U21 Reserve League
Attendance: 222 (12 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!) (plus quite a few Geordie exiles!)




"GONE FOR A BURTON!"---
("116 YEARS OF HURT, CONTINUED!")

Six 'mad-sad groundhoppers' set off from the Newcastle Arms @ 1:40pm bells' in 'The Geordie Times' mini bus and we arrived in Burton some 3 hours later and parked up at the groond.
From there we made for a boozer we'd passed on the way in called 'The Beech' which waz just ower the road from the huge brewery which dominates the town!




After a while it waz time to heed back to the groond where six more 'saddos' were assembled, makin' a total of twelve of us who had travelled doon from various parts of northern England from Ashington to York!

A small crowd, which aa estimated waz around the 250 mark were in the main stand, with the rest of the groond empty, az iz usual in theeze games! < (the actual attendance waz 222 so aa wasn't that far off the mark!)

And so 'it came to pass' that aftaa a gap of 116 years, The Toon were back in Burton! <(must be some kind of record!?)


The Toon made a great start when, in wor forst attack we went aheed with a fine lob ower their keeper from Adam Armstrong after he had been put through by Adam Campbell!

Wor lead waz short lived however!---and the 'home'? side equalised soon after! They then went aheed just before the break az freezing fog appeared ower the roof tops beyond!



"DOUBLE FAGGOTS AALL ROOND PLEEEZE!"

We went for a 'nose bag' at the half time interval and on the menu waz 'faggot' and 'double faggot'!
Aa took a photo and the wifey behind the coontaa asked if aa waz dein' some kind of 'promotional shots'!

Obviously, 'a faggot' meens something totally different in Burton than wot it meens in Newcastle!
Aa decided NOT to gan into details of just wot 'faggot' meant in 'Geordie slang' and got tucked into some sausage and chip instead az 'faggots' were off the menu anyway! <(Aye!--we asked!)

She just looked at me totally bemused and puzzled az aa waalked back to mee seat for the restart! <(waz I an undercover food inspector?)




The 2nd half wasn't very good az far az we were concerned and it took until the 70 minute befor we had an effort on target!
Just after this 'The Hazbeens' then went 3-1 up through a penalty which Toon goalie Jack Alnwick nearly saved (but didn't!)

At last! we had a shot on target which foond the net! when Haris Vuckic bent the baall in from 18 yards oot in the 78th minute to set up a thrillin' last 12 minutes!





However! we fell apart and conceded THREE goals in the last THREE minutes az wor shape went 'pear'! and in the end we lost 6-2 az the fog desended!

The venue for wor heaviest defeat in wor history way back in 1895 happened just half a mile doon the road at 'Derby Turn', when we lost 9-0 to 'long gone' Burton Wanderers!

Az mentioned above, wor last ever visit to this town waz 116 years ago on Saturday December 18th 1897, when we lost 3-1 to anothaa Burton side caalled 'Burton Swifts' with wor anly goal comin' from a certain 'J. White' <(remember him!?)

Burton on Trent iz NOT a happy huntin' groond for us---that's for sure!, but this waz yet anothaa Leegue groond 'off the list'!






Monday 4 November 2013

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS! ***THE HAZBEENS & VILLIANS U21s v THE TOON U21s @ BURTON!

Posted '12:50pm bells' Monday 4th November 2013

"116 YEARS OF HURT!"

Brilliant news for NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!---The Toon U21s are due to play Villa's equivalent @ The Pirelli Stadium, Burton on Trent tooneet @ '7 bells'!

The last time we played a competitive game in Burton waz on December 18th 1897! when we lost 3-1 to Burton Swifts in a Division 2 game some 116 years ago, when a certain
'J. White' <(remember him!?) scored hiz one and anly goal for us!

But much worse than that!---we suffered wor worst ever defeat in this town on Monday 15th April 1895 when we lost by NINE goals to NIL against Burton Wanderers in anothaa Division 2 game!

The Pirelli Stadium iz of course home to Burton Albion who (thankfully!) we have never been te or played before in wor history!

'The Hazbeens and Villians' play their U21 resorve games here and this iz a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity for us to 'tick this one' 'off wor list' of Leegue groonds visited, watchin' The Toon! 

An estimated TEN! feckless followers from Tyneside and beyond are expected to make the 350 mile roond trip doon to the midlands, (just sooth of Derby) and of course we expect to see a few 'Geordie exiles' az well in the crowd when we get there!

We leave in 'The Geordie Times' mini bus in just ower half an hours time @ 1:30 pm bells' from 'The Newcastle Arms' in St Andrews Street, which iz within eazy 'hocklin distance' of St James' Park!

A full 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match report on this game will be forthcomin' sometime on Tuesday---so!---watch this space then!

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST