Monday 30 May 2016


Posted '12:48pm bells' Munday 30th May 2016

Aa waz at Tibshelf Sorvices on the 'M1' the othaa day, (the service station aa normally fill mee truck up with diesel on mee way to Redditch in Worcestershire)
Az aa gan in there up to 5 times a week, aa naa aall the staff and they naa that a'm a Toon fan (The NUFC crest on mee old T shirts aa wear for work gives it away!)
One of them said to me the othaa day: "Look on the bright side---you'll have loads of new grounds to go to in The Championship next season!"
Quick az a flash aa replied: "The ANLY groond aa havvent been te iz New York Stadium in Rotherham!---Aa been to aall the rest at some point ower the years!"
He looked at me az though aa waz completlee mad---and he waz probably (definitely!) reet!

Oot of the 23 othaa teams in The Championship, a'v actually been to "er!" 30 (THORTY!) groonds they have used, includin' their old ones! (31 includin' SJP)

The Mad-Sad Groundhopper's 'A' to 'Z' list! (Pleeeze note!--some groonds like Huddersfield's new'in  have changed their name 3 times---on mee forst visit it waz called The McAlpine Stadium)   

TWO grounds: (Az they were named on mee forst visit!)
1/2: Brighton, Goldstone Ground, Amex Stadium
3/4: Cardiff: Ninian Park, Cardiff City Stadium
5/6: Derby, Basebaall Ground, Pride Park
7/8: Huddersfield, Leeds Road, McAlpine Stadium
9/10: Reading,Elm Park, Madjeski Stadium
11/12: Wigan, Springfield Park (to watch NUFC resorves),
JJB Stadium
13/14: Rotherham, Millmoor, Don Valley Stadium (to watch NUFC resorves)

ONE ground:
15:The Hazbeenz & Villians, Villa Park
16:Barnsley, Oakwell
17:Birmingham, St Andrews
18:Blackburn, Ewood Park
19:Brentford, Griffin Park
20:Bristol City, Ashton Gate
21:Burton, Pirelli Stadium (to watch NUFC resorves)
22:Fulham, Craven Cottage
23:Ipswich, Portman Road
24:Leeds, Elland Road
25:Norwich, Carrow Road
26:Forest, City Ground
27:Preston, Deepdale
28:QPR, Loftus Road
29:Sheff Wed, Hillsborough 
30:Wolves, Molineux

Still to visit:
1: Rotherham, New York Stadium


Posted '2:35pm bells' Saturday 28th May 2016


Amazingleee!--after a disastrous relegation, aall Toon fans are 'on cloud 9' that Rafa iz stayin' to guide us back to 'the promised land' at the forst attempt!

The clubs 'hand' of course waz forced because of wor demise and they HAD to give in to Rafa's demands of 'total control' or else they would have 'lost him'!---And the consequences of that would have been catastrophic!  ('The Tramp in a Tracksuit', Tony Pulis's name had been mentioned az possible new manager!!!) <(god forbid!!!)

Had NUFC NOT been relegated then we 'fink' that those in charge would NOT have 'given in' to Rafa's demands and that he 'would have walked'! (ie: Premyaa Leegue TV millions rules OK!) And so relegation to the 'abyss' haz torned oot to be 'a blessing in diguise' az far az we are concerned!

With season tickets bein' slashed by 10% we are absolutleee certain that average gates will exceed 50,000 next season!---even against Burton Albion and Rotherham United!

The 'feel good' factor' iz back---that's for certain!

Meeeenwhile!---the forst of the play-offs takes place today @ '5:30 bells' when Sheff Wed take on Hull for a place in the Premyaa Leegue!
We reeely would like Sheff Wed to win and gan up---not because we like them--but because they charged Leeds fans £47 ! (FORTY SEVEN QUID!) to get in last season!!!
We imagine that Hull will be much cheaper!?

Updated '10:10am bells Sunday 29th May 2016

We didn't get wor wish az Hull won 1-0 and we will probably be singin' "FIFTY QUID!--YA HAVIN' A LAFF!" when we gan to Hillsborough next season!

Barnsley play Millwaall today in the Division 1 play off final and we would like Barnsley to come up az its nearer (and less dangerous!)

Updated '12:35pm bells' Munday 30th May 2016

Barnsley DID win (3-1) az the Millwaall fans rioted! <(now that's a surprise!)      

Friday 27 May 2016


Posted '12:42pm bells' Friday 27th May 2016

News that we might? play an away friendly against Belgian side Lokeren pre season haz reached 'The Geordie Times'---a groond we have aalredy previouslee visited in The Inter Toto Cup!

Othaa friendlies are rumoured at Bornley and Donny Rovers--again!--groonds we have previousleee visited!

A trip to Ireland haz aalso been mentioned az well az a home game in the week before the new season starts!

We shall see and keep yoo posted az to any developments on the above!

Wednesday 25 May 2016


Posted '11:45am bells' Wednesday 25th May 2016


News haz reached 'The Geordie Times' from wor secret club spy (via carrier pigeon!) that 'Rafa the Gaffa' haz AGREED to stay and manage wor beloved club!!!!

We understand that he haz signed a 3 years deal and will have TOTAL CONTROL!!!!

REMEMBER! we telt yoo this last week (see article below!) and yoo hord this breakin' news forst in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!----an announcement will be made by NUFC later today!

It waz later revealed that Rafa's daughters, Cladia and Agata were at wor game away to Liverpool in April and waalked past the away end where the Toon fans were congregated before the match, on their way to the main stand.
The Toon fans were singin' Rafa's name to the tune of La Bamba and after the match they told him: "Dad, you cannot leave these people!---they love you! ---you have to stay!" 

Monday 23 May 2016


Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 20th May 2016

Wor 'secret' club 'insider' and 'Geordie Times'z cheef sauce of infomation haz telt us that a deal to keep 'Rafa the Gaffa' iz imminent and shud be completed in the next few days!
We can anly hope (and pray!) that this iz true az the alternatives bandied aboot  (Neil Warnock and the 'Tramp in a Tracksuit' Tony Pulis!) are truly frightenin'!

We will keep yoo---wor loyal reeders informed of any future developments!----watch this space!  
Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday 21st May 2016
Wor 'secret agent' and 'club insider' tells us that Rafa wants TOTAL CONTROL!
But will the club give him it?
Updated 'high noon bells' Munday 23rd May 2016
Furthaa discusions between wor beloved MD 'Penfold and 'Rafa the Gaffa' are takin' place az we speak with written agreements and roles bein' discussed!
Rafa haz aalso been consulted ower the future of certain players to be kept or jettisoned and aall will be reveeeled very soon we hope!

Sunday 22 May 2016


Posted '9:23pm bells' Sunday 22nd May 2016

Northern Leegue Morpeth Toon won the FA Vase Final at Wembley after an amazin' 4-1 'giant killing' win ower  Hereford!!!!---the team we love to hate!---hate!---hate!
In the exact opposite to 1972, when NUFC were odds on favourites to beat Hereford, Morpeth were the massive underdogs to beat Hereford in todays Vase final---and they DID!

The team from the Welsh border country had 20,000 plus fans compared to Morpeth's 4,000 and they were 'odds on' to win!!!

Morpeth's nickname iz 'The Highwaymen' but this waz ne 'highway robbery' az they completleeee ootplayed the 'cow pats' from Herefordshire! 
We say 'cow pats' az Hereford wanted to bring a bull mascot onto the pitch before the game---but the FA refused due to crowd safety issues---and so they had to use a COW instead (ne horns to injure anyone yoo understand!!!)
Personally aa didn't watch the game on the telly, az if aa had, aa would have probably 'jinxed' Morpeth and they would have lost!
Remember that I waz at that fateful game in 1972 when Hereford fans dressed in anoraks invaded the pitch at the end of the game---and it haz lived with me like a livin' nightmare ever since!!!

Were yoo there Ronny Radford and Ricky George to witness THIS giant killing???? ---PLEEEEZE tell me yoo WERE!!!??? 


Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 22nd May 2016


Louis Van Gaal climbed the steps of Wembley yesterday and waz booed by the Man U 'faithful'? for WINNIN' the FA Cup!!!!
Unbeleeevible!!!!---Not anly that but they are NOT even havin' a victory parade roond Manchester to celebrate their win against Pardew's Palace!
One reason for this waz given by a Man U fan from Devon (where else?) on Radio 5 Live the othaa day.
"It's would be EMBARESSING to parade this trophy!" he argued!

Arsene Wenger iz anothaa manager who fans vent their fury on---runners up in the Premyaa Leegue and 20 years in a row of qualifying for The Champions Leegue and winnin' the FA Cup 2 years in a row (2013 & 2014) iz not enough for some of their 'Arsehole' fans!

Man City have sacked their manager despite him winnin' the Premyaa Leegue 2 years ago and the Leegue Cup this season---"NOT good enough !", their fans cried!

In Scotland a Celtic fan came on the radio and said that he thought aboot NOT renewin' hiz season ticket despite them winnin' the Scottish Leegue 5 years in a row!---He changed hiz mind when he foond oot that Brendan Rogers was to be their next manager!!!

In complete contrast Newcastle United FC get relegated and 52,000 fans torn up to see it and back Rafa 100% throughoot the last game of the season!--beggin' him to STAY!


Tuesday 17 May 2016

"Aalways look on the BRIGHT side of light!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 17th May 2016

Brighton's failure to beat Sheff Wed in their play-off semi final tie last neet meenz that we will definatly have a 700 miles plus roond trip to deepest Sussex next season----with live telly on a Thorsday neet --ne doubt?

The othaa teams who we will defiantly play next season include, Rotherham, Burton, Huddersfield, Wigan and Brentford!

We understand that Rafa haz had positive talks with wor owner and we can anly hope he haz FINALLY lorned hiz lesson and that this deal will come to fruition! (PLEEEZE!!)---but 'divvint haad yer breath' az NEIL WARNOCK'S name haz been bandied aboot az well!---Shud this be the case, then could someone pleeeze tell me the quickest way to the Tyne Bridge parapet from wor hoose! 

Monday 16 May 2016


Posted '10:40am bells' Munday 16th May 2016


Havin' anly lost just ONE home game aall year and havin' gone FIVE games unbeaten, we took on a Sporz side in 2nd position and lookin' to finish above arch rivals Arsenal!
A breathtakin' 5-1 win in front of 52,000 plus with anly 10 men waz the outcome---in WOR favour, but we still find worsels in 'The Championship' next season----It could anly happen to NUFC!

The atmosphere waz truly amazin' considerin' that we were aalready relegated with Rafa's name continually shouted by the fans from forst whistle to last!---It could anly happen here!

Sporz must have thought that we would throw the 'towel in' considerin' wor demise, but they were in for a shock az we put in wor BEST performance of the season to bow oot of 'The Premyaa Leegue'!

19th minute: Wijnaldum fires in at The Leazes End from a Sissoko pass to put us 1-0 up!

39th minute: It's 2-0 az Mitrovic puts an unstoppable heeder past Lloris in the visitors goal after a pinpoint through baall from Toonsend foond hiz heed! (this goal waz scored az a plane with a pathetic message from The SMBs on the side, flew ower the groond!) <(THAT'S why they are called The SMBs!)

60th minute: Lamela pull a goal back for Sporz with a shot that somehow squeezed past Darlow in The Toon goal!

67th minute: Mitrovic iz sent off for a 'studs up' challenge on Walker and we are doon to 10 men!

73rd minute: You would have thought that the team in 2nd top place would take advantage of the extra man ower the team 3rd bottom---but exactly the opposite happened when we were awarded a penalty at The Gallowgate End when Sissoko fell like a stone in the box to give us a dubious penalty!---Wijnaldum made ne mistteak from 12 yards oot and we were 3-1 up!

85th minute: It's 4-1!---az Toonsend hits the post and the baall rebounds oot and eventually finds Aarons on the far side of the 18 yard box---he fired a shot past Lloris into the far corner!
GAME OWER!  The crowd sing , "RAFA  BENITEZ!---WE WANT YOU TO STAY!" az he looked on dumbfounded from the dugout!

87th minute: Janmaat completes the rout with an easy chance to put the 10 men 5-1 up!-----The crowd chant, "5-1 to The Championship!"---"We've anly got 10 men!", in 'gallows humour style' az the Sporz end quickly empties!

'The Arse' beat 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' 4-0 to compound Sporz's misery and finished above them----and az the final whistle blew the crowd applauded and chanted Rafa's name---you would have thought that we had WON the leegue and NOT been demoted!
"IT COULD ANLY ****** ****!"

Toon team: Darlow, Janmaat, Taylor, Mbemba, Dummett, Tiote (Shelvey 62), Colback, Wijnaldum (Aarons 76), Sissoko (Sterry 84), Toonsend, Mitrovic

Attendance: 52,183 (Unbeleeevable under the circumstances!)
(3,100 shell shocked Sporz fans!)

Sunday 15 May 2016


Posted '10:00am bells' Sunday 15th May 2016

Within half an hour of wor relegation on Wednesday neet wor beloved MD known affectionately to Toon fans az 'Penfold' 'penned' me letter of apology via 'e mail'! (How did he manage to 'pen it' so quickly?---waz he waitin' for the final whistle at The SOS?)  ---And then 'The Fat Controller' came oot with hiz 'own'? 'apology' on Friday, which he had obviously written from a prepared script ----- written ne doubt by 'Penfold'!?

'The Ronny Gill' then got in on the act TWO DAYS in a row on Friday and Saturday with front page headline beggin' letters, pleadin' with 'Rafa the Gaffa' to stay and help us bounce back!!!???
20,000 plus signatures have been added to a petition beggin' Rafa to stay----these are desperate times indeed!!!!

Aall too little tooo late I'm afraid, in wot haz torned oot to be a disastrous season--and az Radio 5 Live said the othaa neet, at EIGHTY MILLION QUID, the most expensive team ever to be relegated!

Where's the apology from wor cheeef scout then????

OH! I nearly forgot!--- there's a little matter of a meaningless match at SJP this afternoon!!!!!

Full match report sometime on Munday!!!  

Thursday 12 May 2016


Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 12th May 2016

Yesterday's devastatin' result (but not unexpected!) haz now condemned us to the 'abyss' once again for the 2nd time 7 years under 'The Fat Controller's 'leadership'????

The fact that relegation to 'The Championship' waz inflicted by wor fiercest and most hated rivals, makes wor demotion even worse, on a very black and dark day in wor history!----which iz totally beyond comprehension!

Honestly!---This ranks alang side wor FA Cup defeats to non leegue 'YEE NAA WHO' in 1972 and wor 3-0 FA Cup final defeat to Liverpool 2 years after that!

It feels like a dagger haz been plunged into wor hearts and been twisted for 'good measure'!

Sunday 8 May 2016


Posted '9:47pm bells' Sunday 8th May 2016
In 'The Welly' near New Street station, Bormingham---post match!


A game we simpleee HAD to win was played oot in a 'funeral parlour atmosphere', az we failed to find the net to secure the 3 points we desperately needed!
The forst half waz dire stuff indeed az we stuttered miserably with hardly a shot of any note, with 'every other pass' gannin' astray!
Beach balls were hoyed onto the pitch by disgruntled home fans in protest at their relegation from the top flight with stewards simply 'hoyin them back' into the crowd so they could de the same thing again? rather than get a 'pin' to borst them!
1st half action az The Toon attack the Holte End

'The Hazbeenz' fans really hate us for some unbeknown reason and celebrated wildely when they hord that the SMBs had scored at the SOS, chantin' "Your goin' down with the Villa!"

Jack Colback missed a great chance to put us in the lead with 6 minutes on the clock in the 2nd half, when he blazed a shot ower from inside the box!---Mitrovic later aalso missed a great chance when he tried to lob the keeper rather than heed the baall into the net and theeze were the anly real chances of the entire game that we had to secure a much needed away victory!
2nd half action at The Witton End---
spot the Villa fans disguised az empty blue seats!

It wasn't to be of course and we now find worsels one point behind the mackems with an inferior goal difference AND one game played more than them!---Shud they beat Everton on Wednesday neet, then wor fate will be well and truly sealed!


We were relegated here in 1978 and 2009 and virtually relegated here yesterday!---ie: Villa Park iz NOT a place we like very much---that's for SURE!
'The Toffee Noses' of Everton are now the anly team who can save wor skins and help us avoid the abysss @ the SOS on Wednesday---"Come on yoo blues!" *

Toon team (who didn't torn up!) : Darlow, Anita, Lascelles, Mbemba, Dummett, Tiote (Perez 69), Colback (De Jong 90), Toonsend, Sissoko, Wijnaldum, Cisse, (Mitrovic 52)

Attendance: 33,055 (3,000 Toon fans who got ne response despite supportin' the team throughout!) (9,000 empty seats!) *

Friday 6 May 2016


Posted '2:20pm bells' Friday 6th May 2016

"Do not forsake me oh my darlings!"

We gan into wor last away game of the season away to the aalready relegated 'Hazbeenz & Villians' and yet again anly a win will de!

Aall 3,000 away tickets were sold oot ages ago and despite the fact that in the home sections there will be many thoosands of light blue and claret empty seats, Villa have refused to increase wor allocation of tickets!---So divvint be surprised to see Toon fans in The Holte End and else where, although the best idea would be to keep a 'low profile' to avoid gettin' hoyed oot by 'The 'Dibble'!

With 'Delia's 'Canary Custard Creams' and the SMBs havin' tough games at home against Man U and Chelski respectively, we can (hopefully!) take advantage and hope (and pray!) that 'The Manc Muppets' and 'The Kings Road OAPs' can de us a massive favour and beat wor relegation rivals!

If this happens and 'we' can win az well, then we will be FOWER points clear of 'the abyss'----anything else will be an unmitigated disaster!!!!

We are on the '7:30 bells' train in the mornin' to New Street (Bormingham) and are heedin' for 'The Welly' which iz on a hill not too far from the station for the pre match 'gargels'!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime on Sunday OR Munday---dependin' on the above results!!!

Monday 2 May 2016


Posted '10:47am bells' Munday 2nd May 2016

Results ower the weekend meen that we are oot of the bottom 3 with just 2 games to gan, 1 clear of 'The SMBs' and 2 clear of 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' who languish in 2nd bottom place!

However!!!--both wor rivals have games in hand which they play on Wednesday week ,when the mackems are at home to Everton and Norwich are at home to Watford!

A win for us at 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' next Saturday and defeats for both 'The SMBs' who are at home to Chelski and 'The Custards' who are at home to Man U, will then put us FOWER points clear of the drop zone!
Of course any othaa results would be a disaster on Saturday and it looks very likely that it will gan doon to the last day of the season (for the 2nd year runnin'!) when we play title chasers Sporz

However!!!--a draw or a defeat for Sporz at Chelski toneet in "west Landan" would meen that they WOULD NOT be able to win the Leegue at 'wor place' and that Lestaa City would be crowned champions!
We need aall the help we can get! "Come on Chelski!" (toneet AND Saturday!)

Updated: '10:20pm bells'

Sporz anly drew at Chelski meenin' that they CANNIT now win the Leegue @ SJP a week on Sunday!
'The Basil Brush Brigade' are champions!---whoever would have believed that at the start of the season???

Sunday 1 May 2016


Posted '12:57pm bells' Sunday 1st May 2016
(Geordie Times excluuusive pic from The Milburn Stand balcony!)

For the forst time in ower 3 months we are oot of the bottom 3 thanx no less to Andros Toonsend and Karl Darlow!

Pardew's Palace came for a point---ne more--ne less--and they frustrated the crowd by continual time wastin' in the forst period!

The major breakthrough came in the 58th minute @ The Leazes End when Andros Toonsend hit an unstoppable free kick from the edge of the box to beat Hennessey in the Palace goal--aall ends up!

This sent most of the 52,000 crowd into raptures az the roof waz nearly lifted off the stadium!

A disgraceful penalty decision came in the 70th minute when the visitors were awarded a bafflin' penalty for 'hand baall' accordin' to the ref???
Yohan Cabaye <(remember him?) stepped up to take it and hiz spot kick waz brilliantly saved by Karl Darlow who dived to hiz left to parry the baall away to safety---and this save drew even LOUDER NOISE from the Toon faithful!

6 minutes stoppage time waz played az we bit wor fingers and tore wor hair oot and finally the ref blew for full time az we celebrated wildly---News that The SMBs had drawn at Stoke due to an injury time penalty and later on that Norwich had lost to 'The Arse' meant that we had climbed oot of the 'abyss'!---although both wor rivals have a game in hand!

"Bring on The Villa!" <(next Saturday away!)

Toon team: Darlow, Anita (Shelvey 88), Dummett, Tiote, Mbemba, Lascelles, Colback, Wijnaldum (Perez  80), Sissoko, Cisse (Mitrovic 72), Toonsend

Attendance: 52, 107 (1,800 Crystal Baalls!)  *