Friday 30 September 2011


Updated '6:50 am bells' Saturday 1st October 2011

The Toon hope to extend wor unbeaten start to the season to seven games in the Premya Leegue against 'Bent Nose McCarthy Wanderers' @ Molineux this afternoon @ '3:00 bells'

We havvent won a top flight game there since September 1958---and just in case you're wonderin'???--- NO!--aa wasn't there! (a'm not THAT f*****' old!) and so it's time to end that 'jinx' az well, (just like wor last home win against 'jinx' club Blackburn)

'The Geordie Times' mad-sad groundhoppers set off at '7:30 bells' and we hope to get to Wolves for openin' time!

We have been allocated just 1,200 tickets behind the goal in the 'South Bank' end (Jack Harris Stand) as buildin' work behind the 'North Bank' goal (Stan Cullis Stand) is currently in progress, reducin' the capacity to aroond aboot 25,000 for the time bein'.

As ever!---match report to follow later on!

Thursday 29 September 2011


Posted '9:00 am bells' Thorsday 29th September 2011

A fantastic see-saw game saw The Toon's second string, who were playin' in their 'Orangemen' strip, run oot 5-3 winners @ Parc Y Scarlets in Llanelli, sooth Wales. (a 750 mile (plus!) roond trip for us!)

At one stage we we 3-0 up in the forst half, but 'The Swans' came back to level it 3-3 very orly in the 2nd period, but we hit back again and eventually ran oot 5-3 winners!

Wor goals were scored by FIVE different players, namely, Richardson (10), Ferguson (14), Gosling (21), Ranger (47-pen) and finally Gregg McDermott (50)
Attendance 692 (includin' 30 or so Toon fans)

Full 'mad-sad groundhoppers' report to follow when aa get time!

Wednesday 28 September 2011


Posted '9:00 am bells' Wednesday 28th September 2011

News that wor resorve game against Swansea @ '7 bells' toneet is DEFIANTLY bein' played @ the oddly named 'Parc Y Scarlets' in Llanelli, has now been conformed, meanin' that we'll visit wor 2nd new resorve groond in eight days, followin' wor visit to Chesterfield last Tuesday!

However!---it was not beyond the realms of possibility that it could have been moved to Swansea's *'Liberty Stadium' at the last minute. (It HAS happened to us before!) (*Been there!---got the 'T' shirt!)
Fingers (and toes!) crossed that it won't be moved for whatever reason and we'll be settin' off @ '10:30 bells' in the 'Batmobile' for a 'new' Sooth Wales groond (That's 'Wales' and not 'Australia'!)

We intend to take the 'scenic route' for this one, via Wetherby Racecourse, the cloud factory @ Ferrybridge Power Station and Trowell Sorvices on the 'M1' before heedin' into deepest Wales on the 'M4' past the *old pit slag heeps to Llanelli!---   (*That's if there's any left?) a roond trip of ower 700 miles!
If this DOSN'T prove we are sad b*****ds, then nothin' will!

Match report to follow much! much! later! coz we won't be back till three or four in the mornin'!

(Chesterfield report below)

PS: The 100 Pub Crawl Challenge report for the Blackburn game to follow later in the week!

Tuesday 27 September 2011

281 b2 net stadium chesterfield


Date of First Visit: 20th SEPTEMBER 2011





ATTENDANCE: 220 (50 or so Toon fans) (My estimate!---some are less)

('Dave from York's iz: 197/48!)



On this day The Toon had TWO GAMES in the space of SIX HOURS!----when, forst, the resorves played Chesterfield on their new ground @ '1:00 bells' in the afternoon and then we had the League Cup tie against Forest @ '7:45 bells' @ The City Groond, Nottingham which was wor second game of the day! (been here before of course!)

The Geordie Times groundhoppers divvint normally de two groonds in a day but there ARE exceptions to the rules when a new ground iz involved! ----"YYAAAHHHOOO!"

The itinareee for the day was az follows!

Catch the 8:43 bells train to Chesterfield arriving @11:05 bells'

Have a few 'gargels'

Watch the match @ 1:00 bells, then catch the forst available train to Nottingham

Have a few 'gargels'

Watch the match @ 7:45 bells, then retorn yem by cadgin' a lift in 'The Caped Crusaders' 'Batmobile', arrivin' back on Tyneside in the orly hours

After a few hours kip---"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!" get up for graft and drive to West Brom @ 8:30 bells!

(Aall in a days work for 'The Geordie Times groundhoppers')


Az 'The Geordie Times' entourage left 'The Central' and crossed the sacred river, aa cracked open the forst can of 'golden liquid' az iz 'tradition' on any train jorney south to watch The Toon (The 'entourage' comprisin' of me and---er!---ME!)

By the time we'd (I'd!) reached Wakefield aa waz on mee last 'can' and opened it just az we passed the floodlights of Wakefield Trinity Wildcats Rugby League groond---and just in case you're wonderin'???---YES!---'The Geordie Times' has been here az well!---to watch wor resorves against Leeds resorves a few years back!

Anyway!---by the time we (I!) got to Sheffield aa was in desperate need of the 'tool-shed', so when the train got to within ten minutes of Chesterfield (which had been delayed coz some tossers had nicked some cable near Leeds and some sprogs had got onto the tracks!) aa heeded for the nearest 'tool-shed'. On the 'Cross Country service' they have half roond doors where yi have to press 'open' and 'close' to get in and oot.

The door was open so aa pressed the 'close' button but nowt happened!? Az aa was 'desperate' for a 'gypsies kiss' aa grabbed the door and forced it shut. When aa went to get oot aa pressed the 'open' button---but horror upon horror the door wouldn't open!

Panickin' by this time az we nearly at Chesterfield aa managed to prize it open slightly and get mee fingers in the small gap!---but it still wouldn't budge!----Aa then had 'visions' of bein' locked in the bog aall the way to Plymouth!---it's final destination!---and miss BOTH GAMES!---(god forbid!)

THEN!---aall of a sudden and by pure coincidence the ticket inspector just happened to be passin' and seein' mee fingers jammed in the door and hearin' iz bangin' mee fist frantically!, he opened it with a special key and aa was 'free again'!, just az we pulled into Chesterfield station!

"Thanx mate!", aa said sheepishleee az aa grabbed mee 'nanny goat' and dived off the train!

There's one thing for certain---aa thought---aall never (ever!) try to force a 'tool-shed' door shut on a train again! (a'v definateleee lornt mee lesson this time!)


Afta aall the 'trauma' aa needed a drink and heeded up the hill from the station where aa could see a boozer in the distance ower bridge which spanned a dual carriageway. Worryingly, there were ne lights on and when aa tried the door it was locked! (just like the bog door on the train!)

A disgraceful state of affairs!

It was 20 past 11 by this time and The Geordie Times meks ne apology for namin' and shamin' the boozer which was caalled 'BAR ENVY'!

However!—there WAS 'light at the end of the tunnel' (or in this case: 'light in the bar'!) az the next boozer at the top of the hill caalled 'Martha's Vineyard' WAS OPEN and az a 'bonus' it was happy hour az well and at £1.49 a pint aa wasn't gannin anywhere else!


'Dave from York' and 'Alex of St George' were on the next train and so a quick 'tellin' bone' caall later, they joined me in 'Marthas'before we heeded to the match.

The B2 Net Stadium iz aboot a 20 minute waalk from the train station and aa have to say that aa was very impressed with their new ground and FREE admission! (wot more cud yi want?)

On arrival we made for the main entrance to see if they had printed any team sheets for the game. A lassie telt us they hadn't, so Dave suggested 'tongue in cheek'that if WE could find the NUFC line up---would they print some off for wor collections!?

She took Dave seriously and said that she'd 'see wot she cud do' and walked off into an office. As it was nuw approachin' kick off time we couldn't wait any langer, so we left to take up wor places behind the goal (the anly stand open to the public)

Thinkin' that wor team sheet request 'had fallen on deaf ears' and az the teams ran oot, Dave took his 'Independent' newspaper from his back 'sky rocket' and procceded, with the help of 'Glennn from Ashington' and 'The Bear', (amongst others!) to compile wor aan 'independent' team sheet by scribblin' the players names doon in 'print gaps' on the front page of the paper! (see photo!)

With just fower minutes gone 'The Toon's' Sami Adjei took a tumble in the box which resulted in (wot anly can be described as!) a dubious spot kick with justifiable protests from the Chesterfield players!

Sami took the kick himself but it was a tame effort which was easily pushed away by the home keeper!

'The Crooked Spireites' (they've got a dodgy lookin' chuch spire in the toon centre!) then took the lead in the 11th minute when Sodenberg in 'The Toon' goal, cud anly help a Scott Boden heeder into the net!

Half an hour afta the match had kicked off, there was a mad scramble doon the front of the stand, where (lo and behold!) wor wish had been granted az 'freshly minted' team sheets were bein' handed oot by a gadgie!

Glennn and Dave ran to the front to claim some of the 'prized pieces' of 'A4 paper'!

10 oot of 10 for the Chesterfield officials for 'bendin' ower backwards' to help us oot! (very much appreciated lads and lasses!)

Three minutes afta this we levelled things when Yven Moyo hit a sweet shot past the home keeper and there was a 'smatterin' of claps and cheers from the fifty or so Toon fans who were 'groundhoppin' as well! (we're NOT the anly sad ones!)

Chesterfield then bombarded the Toon goal but couldn't add to their anly goal and we went in aall square at the break.

'The Crooked Spireites' bombarded wor goal in the 2nd half again but couldn't get past Sodenberg who had an excellent game and we were lucky (to say the least!) to get a draw, although Toon captain Brad Inman did come close on a couple of occasions late on, but on the whole it cud anly be described as a 'lack lustre' performance from 'the black 'n' whites'! (apart from wor goalie!)

Afta the match we heeded back to wor 'local' (Marthas agen!) before catchin' the train to 'Robin Hood country' to complete wor 'double heeder' @ The City Groond where the forst team won a dramatic game 4-3 with the winner comin' from captain 'Fab' Coloccini in the thord minute of stoppage time in extra time.

A memorable day oot we won't forget in a while!

(scroll doon for Forest match report)

(for 'Geordie Glossary of Terms' 'click' on reet hand side bar).>>>>>>

Monday 26 September 2011


Posted '9:00 am bells Monday 26th September 2011

A'm franticalleee workin' on the Chesterfield report from last week (ground 281) and it shud be on line later toneet (or orly tomorrow mornin')---WATCH THIS SPACE!

Saturday 24 September 2011


Posted '9:30 pm bells' Saturday 24th September 2011

A memorable hat-trick from Demba Ba ended the seven year losin' 'jinx' against Blackburn @ St. James' Park today.
It was a fine performance from the 'black 'n' whites' which kept us in a Champions League position umtil at least the beginnin' of October.

Demba opened the scorin' in the 27th minute, when, with his back to the goal at The Leazes End he torned and fired a fierce drive into the top corner of the net past the dispairin' Paul Robinson in the visitors goal and then knelt doon on his 'honkers' and kissed the hallowed St. James' turf in celebration!

'Ba' then doubled wor lead bearly three minutes later with a simple heeder from five yards oot, when Steven Taylor heeded the baall back to him from the far post.

But just ten minutes later a daft mistake from Ryan Taylor ultimately let Blackburn's Hoilett in and he took his chance to half the defaecate.

However!---with just nine minutes gone of the second period Demba Ba got his hat-trick when he latched onto a Cheik Tiote cross to heed home at The Gallowgate End.

Rovers then had Olsson sent off for a second bookable offence and it was 'game ower' az far az we were concorned!

Amazingleee!--we are nuw anly fower points behind the Manchester clubs at the top of the league and are unbeaten in wor last ELEVEN! games gannin back to last season!---Who needs a F*****' centre forward!?---like!

Attendance: A very 'healthy' (and happy!) 46,236 (1,000 or so unhappy Rovers!)

Unbelievably!---we have been drawn away to Rovers in the next roond of the League Cup az well!---wor thord successive away game in the competition this season! 

Friday 23 September 2011


Updated '9:15 am bells Saturday 24th September 2011


Today at the 'ungodly' time of '3:00 pm bells' we play the 'Tandoori Takeaway Team' of Blackburn @ St James' Park (wor forst '3 bells' home kick off of the season!)
We are now unbeaten in SEVEN GAMES so far this season, but on the otha hand we havvent beaten wor visitors for ower SEVEN YEARS at home!---so we need to end this 'jinx' once and for aall!
The draw for the next roond of the League Cup takes place at dinnertime and the anly groond left that we havvent been te iz Aldershot's Recreation Groond. A home draw (for a change!) wud of course be preferable. (The draw iz on 'Sky Soccer Saturday' @ (approx) 'one bells')

'The Geordie Times 100 pub crawl challenge' contimues unabated and we are startin' off @ 'The Bodega' (pub 16) in Westgate Road @ '12 bells' and then 'Tillys' (17) next door, if anybody fancy's joinin' us!?

Match report & cup draw to follow later on toneet (or in the mornin' if a'm feeelin' a bit 'under'!?)

Thursday 22 September 2011


Updated '9:45 am bells' Thorsday 22nd September 2011
On Tuesday 'The Toon' had TWO GAMES in the space of SIX HOURS when, forst, the resorves played Chesterfield in a friendly at 'their' NEW! GROOND! @ '1:00 bells in the afternoon and then of course we had the League Cup tie with Forest @ 7:45 bells' @ The City Ground, Nottingham which wass wor second game of the day!  (been here before of course!)
The Geordie Times Groundhoppers divvint normally de two groonds in one day---but!---there are exceptions to the rules when a NEW GROOND iz involved!---"YAAAHHHOOO!"

'The Geordie Times' itinareee for Tuesday was az follows.
Catch the 8:43 bells train to Chesterfield, arrivin' @ 11:05 bells.
Have a few 'gargels'!
Watch the match @ 1:00 bells, then catch the forst available train to Nottingham.
Have a few 'gargels'!
Watch the match @ 7:45 bells, then return yem by cadgin' a lift in 'The Caped Crusaders' 'Batmobile', arrivin' back on Tyneside in the orly hours!

Afta a few hours kip "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!" get up for graft and drive to West Brom @ 8:30 bells!

(Aall in a days work for 'The Geordie Times'!)

Forst match report:
(a more compreeehensive and detailed story of this trip will be published in 'The Geordie Times' later on this/next week---when aa get time?---like!)

Ground number 281
B2 Net Stadium, Chesterfield

Chesterfield Resorves 1
Newcastle United Resorves 1 (Yven Moyo)

Friendly fixture
Attendance: 220 (50 Toon fans) (My estimate---some are less!) (Dave from York's iz: 197/48!)


The B2 Net Stadium is aboot a 20 minute waalk from the train station and aa have to say that aa was impressed with their new groond and with FREE! admission!---(wot more cud yi want?)

With just fower minutes gone The Toon's Sami Adjei took a tumble in the box which resulted in, (wot can anly be described as) a dubious spot kick with justiable protest from the Chesterfield players.
Sami took the kick himsel but it was a tame effort which was easily pushed away by the home keeper.

The Crooked Spireites (they've got a dodgy lookin' chuch spire in the toon centre!) then took the lead in the 11th minute when Sodenburg in The Toon goal cud anly help a Scott Boden heeder into the net.

We levelled things in the 33rd minute when Yven Moyo hit a sweet shot past the home keeper and there was a smatterin' of claps and cheers from the fifty or so Toon fans who were 'groundhoppin' as well! (we're NOT the anly sad ones!)

Chesterfield then bombarded the Toon goal but couldn't add to their anly goal and we went in aall square at the break.

'The Crooked Spireites' again bombarded wor goal in the 2nd half but again couldn't get past Sodenberg who had an excellent game and we were lucky (to say the least!) to get a draw,aalthough Toon captain Brad Inman did come close on a couple of occasions late on, but on the whole it cud anly be described as a lack-lustre performance from 'the black 'n' whites'! (apart from wor goalie!)

It was then onward to Nottingham for the 2nd part of wor double heeder! (see match report below!)

Wednesday 21 September 2011


Posted '7;30 am bells' WEdnesday 21st September 2011


A spectacular topsy torvy SEVEN GOAL THRILLER @ The City Groond late last neet saw The Toon run oot 4-3 winners ower a 'brolly-less' Steve McClaren side in the rain, with wor winner comin' from 'Fab' Coloccini with a heeded goal deep into stoppage time of extra time and in front of the exxxstatic Toon fans behind that goal!

We were in the lead a total of FOWER times with Forest comin' back on three occasions.
Wor goals were az follows: (deep breath!)
39th minute: Peter Lovenkrands spectacular heeder@ The Trent End---60th minute:Penalty @ wor end
93rd minute: (extra time)Danny Simpson cross which went straight in the far corner @ The Trent End
123rd minute:'Fab' Colocinni
Attendance: anly 10,208 (2,187 Toon fans)

We were aalso in action @ Chesterfield in the afternoon where wor resorves played theirs in a 1-1 draw (Moyo)
Much more to follow when aa finish work much later toneent! (or in the mornin'!)

Sunday 18 September 2011


Updated '8:00 am bells Monday 19th September 2011

The centre forwardless Magpies continued their great start to the season with a fine draw @ Villa Park. But it was a disappointed 2,000 or so Toon fans who left at the final whistle as we shud have taken aall three points against a very average side.

The home side opened the scorin' in the 13th minute when a defensive blunder let in Agbonlarhor who slotted past Tim Krul in The Toon goal. Villa had a couple more chances to double their lead soon after this but we settled doon and started played some canny stuff but Shay Given denied us at The Holt End with several fine saves and we went in one doon at the break.

We went for the jugular in the second half and again went close with Yohan Cabaye hittin' the Villa bar ten minutes after the restart before the invertible equaliser a couple of minutes later when Lion Best struck, convortin' a Cheik Tiote cross past Given for a well desorved equaliser.

We dominated after this but the winner neva came and we had to settle for the one point.
We are still in fourth position az aa write this piece!
Attendance: 34,248 (2,000 Toon fans)

'Brum' mini pub craal report

Before the match and on arrival at New Street Station at aroond '11 bells' we heeded for the forst boozer which was caalled The Wellington where a pint of 'Mad Goose' was mee chosen liquid refreshment!
Afta a few more 'gargels'in the surrondin' boozers it was off to The Bartons Arms which is a favorite of ours when we come to Villa as it's aboot a twenty minute waalk from the groond.


Durin' the riots the otha week, the pub was looted and they tried to born it doon but thankfully the fire was put oot and the pub reopened within days.

Bein' lazy b*****ds when it was time to gan to the match, (afta several liquid refreshments!) we decided to get the bus instead of waalkin'!

However!---the number 7 bus which takes you past the groond was full and it drove straight past leavin' us in 'panic station' mode as it was just fifteen minutes to kick off and so a frantic wavin' of hands to any passin' taxi soon started!

Eventually two stopped and we were whisked to the groond with literally seconds to spare, just makin' the kick off!---it was a close caall and we definateleee WONT be deein' this again (shanks's pony the next time!)

Saturday 17 September 2011


Posted '6:30 am bells' Saturday 17th September 2011
Later on this afternoon we will attempt to stretch wor unbeaten run at the start of the Premya Leege season to FIVE! games when we visit Villa Park @ '3 bells' for a rare non televised game!-------Aa say 'non televised', but that doesn't include a canny few bars in 'The Toon' that have the Arabian 'Pirate' Channel and who are blatentleee advertisin' that the game IZ live on the chalkboards in their boozers, despite the '3 bells' Saturday start, which iz supposed to be a 'no!-no'! (see above!)

However!---Villa Park iz not a happy place for us in recent years and we have lost on the last fower visits here, includin' that horrible day in May 2009 (IF yi divvint naa!---divvint ask!)

At sixty six quid for a train ticket and forty three quid for a match ticket it isn't a cheap day oot!---but!---aa cannit complain as 'Norman The Cowboy Plumber' and his 'bruvva' 'Fawlty Towers' have had to cough up an eye waaterin' ninety five quid just to let 'the train take their strain', coz they booked it up late!
And they wonder why attendances are gannin doon! (Away tickets were still on sale to season ticket holders/members on Friday neet!---2,700 allocation)

Match report to follow on Sunday (sometime!)

Friday 16 September 2011


Posted '8:50 am bells' Friday 16th September 2011
News haz reached 'The Geordie Times' that wor latest and much needed recruit Davide Santon is sidelined with wot looks like a cartilage injury, withoot kickin' a baall in anger for the forst team yet! (He was an unused sub at QPR last Monday?)
Strangely? he was OK to play 70 minutes the next day for the resorves in their six-nil thrashin' of Norwich at Whitley Park?
(SO! why didn't he play @ Loftus Road then???)

Apparentleee!---he injured his (wot we've nuw foond oot!) 'dodgy right knee' in trainin' the day after the resorve game!

Thursday 15 September 2011


Posted '9:15 am bells' Thorsday 16th September 2011

The 'NEWCASTLE UNITED' sign that sat proudly on it's own for many years, on the roof of the East Stand, (until it waz recently 'wrecked'!) haz now been replaced with the above!
St. James' Park haz now been well and trueleee! 'RECT!'

Wednesday 14 September 2011


Posted '2:10 pm bells' Wednesday 15th September 2011



The Geordie Times haz just reached anotha landmark az we have had wor 15,000th hit today!
Special thanx to aall wor reeeders!
The USA leads wor owerseas visitors with 1,794 hits to date, followed by The Republic of Ireland on 444 and in thord place iz Greece with 385!

We have now had hits from 111 countries in total aroond the world (plus Mars!)

And a waam welcome to some of wor more recent visitors from far and wide!


Posted '10:30 am bells' Wednesday 14th September 2011
The Toon resorves ran riot yesterday afternoon when they hammered The Canaries of Norwich 6-0 @ Whitley Park, Benton.
Unfortunatally The Geordie Times wasn't there as we were still on the train retornin' from QPR when the match kicked off @ '1:00 bells'

Goals from Dan Gosling (2)(1 pen),  Gregg McDermott, Micheal Richardson, Ryan Donaldson and finally Yven Moyo in stoppage time completed wor best ever win in the Resorve Premya Leege in 12 years!  

Tuesday 13 September 2011


Posted '8:15 pm bells' Tuesday 13th September 2011

Housed in The School End Upper Tier the away fans gave the team a rousin' reception as they ran oot in their 'aall blacks' change strip

Aall eyes were of course on Joey 'Yee Naa Who' who was mekin' hiz home debut for the 'Hoops' in wot torned oot to be a reeel bore draw.
If it was truely aaful to watch on the box then it was even worse to be there, but the 1,850 Toon fans present made their voices hord in the 16,211 crowd.

Before the game we'd heeded for the ootskirts of Shepherds Bush to the Thatched House boozer where there were aboot ten locals in the bar.

Afta a few (expensive!)liquid refreshments there, it was off to 'The White Horse' nearer to the groond but the anly problem was!---we couldn't get sorved as there were just a handful of barstaff to sorve the hundred or so, of mainly QPR fans!
In the next boozer just alang the road we had more success and managed to porchase a 'prized liquid drink'! before heedin' for the tornstiles!

Like aa say!---the game wasn't ower clever and QPR were p*ss poor with us not much better!

The 'highlight'? of the game was when Steve Taylor wellied the baall ower the roof of the Ellerslie Road Stand to chants of "Steven Taylor over the roof" from the travellin' faithful!

Then, Sammy Ameobi came on with just two minutes to gan to chants of ,"If Sammy scores we're on the pitch!".
'Tongue in cheek', aa pointed oot to one young Toon fans singin' this behind me, that the wire at the front of the visitors enclosure was in fact electrified to stop any pitch invasions! (see top photo)
"Honest!---iz that reet?", he said, but aa just kept a straight face and nodded! 

Amazingly we are now fourth top (above Stoke in Alphabetical order!) and in a Champions League position! (If anly the season could end now!)

Monday 12 September 2011



Updated '7:30 am bells' Monday 12th September 2011

Wor forst trip of the season to 'The Smoke' takes place  toneet @ '8 bells', when we face QPR in Shepherds Bush in a live 'Sky' televised game.

The 1,850 Toon fans will literally be 'Back to 'School' on Monday' as we are (as usual!) housed in 'The School End Upper Tier' behind the goal for the princely sum of £45 per ticket!  
Aa'm one of the lucky? 'fortunate few' who will have 'a view to die for', as aa have a seat in row three and shud get a 'clear view' of the action!!  (From some seats at the back of the stand you cannit see the goal line!, while otha seats have 'restricted view' written on the tickets!)

A certain guy caalled 'Joey' makes his debut for the home side while we will have at least one debutant in wor line up in the shape of full back Davide Santon.
A victory would take us to the dizzy heights of 4th top and into a Champions League place!

Match report to follow as usual sometime tomorrow when aa get back!?


Saturday 10 September 2011


Posted '1:20 pm bells' Saturday 10th September 2011

Orlier on in the week 'The Evenin' Ronny-Gill' asked reeeders to send in questions that would actually be answered by wor 'beloved' M.D., known more affectionately to Toon fans as 'Llambs to the Slaughter'.

A limited??? selection of questions were asked and the replies from 'Llambsy' and comments from 'The Geordie Times' can be read below!

Question: Public opinion on Tyneside from large sections of the fans is that they can no longer trust statements coming out of the club after several empty promises. What assurances can you give fans that they can believe what the club tells them?

Answer: We don't feel we've made empty promises!

Comment: So the 'promise' that most of the £35 million 'Andy Pandy' money received would be spent on a new number nine (etc) was never made then????

Question: Many fans clamoured for a marquee signing on the striker front. Are these days gone?

Answer: The days of Newcastle United aquiring 'trophy' singings who command huge saleries for past successes on the pitch are over!

Comment: So it's free transfer and loan players who command 'pauper' wages then????

Question: Where's the money that was pledged to be invested in the squad gone? (afta the sale of 'yee naa who')

Answer: We made it clear that when we sold Andy that the fee we recieved would stay in the club, and it has!

Comment: You're REET 'Llambsy'!---it certainleee haz! (in yee naa who's wallet!)

Question: Are you concerned about the 10,000 drop in attendance (v Fulham)

Answer: On the contrary, season ticket sales are actually up on where they were this time last year!

Comment: They tell us that season ticket sales are UP on last year and then add that they're NOT concerned aboot aall the empty seats!???  (see below!) (pull the otha one!)

Question: Can you justify why it took seven months to pursue a striker before failing at the eleventh hour (literally!) to secure a signing?

Answer: Despite what many may think, we didn't leave it late--in fact we started the search the minute Andy left!


We cud gan on and on!---There are many questions still unanswered, like---"Is wor 'ambition' to simply survive in the Premya Leege like Wigan and Fulham?"---and the bottom line iz!---we are telt that we cannit even compete with the likes of QPR or Stoke anymore!--never mind the likes of Man U/City or Chelsea!----HELP!

As the words to the old song gans---
"There are more questions than answers!
The more I find out the less I know!"----That just aboot sums it up!

Wednesday 7 September 2011


Posted '2:45 pm bells' Thorsday 8th September 2011

The original 'Geordie Times' was in cartoon form so we've decided to revive it for a special 'lets sign a centre forward' edition.

The Toon are desperate to sign a new centre forward and it's transfer deadline day, so 'Baa Baa' comes to the rescue and applies for the famous number nine shirt!
The amazing TRUE! story unfolds below!

Somewhere ^ inside ^the bowels^ of St James'^
'Llambsy': "Wot qualifications have you got?"
'Baa Baa': "Baa! Baaaa!---I was thord choice centre forward for 'Cruddas Park Cr*p Shovellers' last season in the 'Tyneside over 95's Tuesday Midneet League' and aa scored one solitary goal, when the baall was deflected off a 'Grainger Park Grannies' defender's zimmerframe and into the net!
We lost 37-1! Baaaa!"
Llambsy:"That's just wot I want to hear!---Your track record is 'spot on'!"---"Everything seems to be in order and you have an excellent goals record in a quality league!---The number nine shirt's yours!"

In the meantime there's turmoil at the club that evenin' and before an annoocement on wor new centre forward is made to the waitin' press and TV crews, Baa Baa gets caalled back into the M.D.'s office

Llambsy: "We've got a crisis on our hands!---We've had to sack our head tea boy and general 'dogsbody' coz he didn't grovel enough!---Wot are you like at brewing tea?"
Ba Ba: "Baaa! Baa!--I make a canny cuppa!"
Llambsy: "Are you a crawler and a 'YES MAN'?"
Baa Baa: "Baaa! Baaaaaa! YES!-I'm the biggest crawler you'll ever meet and I'll kiss your expensive crocodile shoes as well!---Baaa! Baaaaa!"
Llambsy: "I like your attitude!--you've really impressed me and your qualifications for the position of head tea boy are second to none!---You've got the job!---after all we've got to get our priority's right---haven't we!?"
Baa Baa: "BAAAAA! BAAAAAAA!----'Lick' 'lick' 'grovel' grovel!"

"Attention all Newcasel fans!---We interupt this programme to bring you some sensational news!
'Baa Baa' has just been appointed head tea boy at St James' Park!"
"A club spokesman said, "I'm sure the fans will be delighted at our new appointment and it shows our  commitment to the long term future of the club to get someone of 'Ba Ba's 'calibre' on board!---And as for a new centre forward???---Who cares!?---We've got 'Baa Baa' now to brew the tea!" 

Artwork by 'Jamie' aged two! (nearly!)
Words by 'Zac' aged seven months!


Posted '10:50 am bells Wednesday 7th September 2011

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that wor manager, 'I beg your Pardew', flew  to Switzerland last neet to watch their European qualifier against Bulgaria, in pursuit of Bayer Leverkusen striker Erin Derdiyok who played for the Swiss in a 3-1 win.
Az the transfer deadline haz passed (believe it or not Alan!?) this iz rather like shutin' the stable door after the horse haz bolted!

Tuesday 6 September 2011


Posted '10:30 am bells' Tuesday 6th September 2011

Exclusive photos! have just reached 'The Geordie Times' by carrier pigeon, that wor new thord choice change 'strip' has just been launched in the 'Wong Pong' Chinese takaway in Mansfield, 'modelled' by wor 'beloved'? 'low profile'? 'team leader'!?

The white underkeks (which yoo can just see!) can be porchased from 'Marks & Sparks' for two poond fifty for a pack of fower! and the leather whip can be porchased from any 'Ann Summers' shop for a tenner!
(Owerneet queues antisipated!---No! 'skinny b******s'!)

Monday 5 September 2011


Updated '8:35 am bells' Monday 5th September 2011

Now that the summer transfer window has closed the latest list of NUFC Squad numbers have finally been released and can be viewed below.  
'The Geordie Times' will be dein' a new more detailed 'page' at the top of this blog for future reference.
Davide Santon takes departed Enrique's number three shirt, while new goalie Rob Elliot still has to be allocated one.
And az for a new number NINE!!!!?????????

1 Harper
2 Coloccini
3 Santon
4 Cabaye
5 Simpson
6 Williamson
7 Barton
8 Guthrie
9 ????????? "CAN WE HAVE ONE-PLEEEEZE!?"
10 Ben Arfa
11 Lovenkrands
12 ?
13 ?
14 ?
15 Gosling
16 R Taylor
17 Smith
18 Gutierrez
19 Ba
20 Best
21 Forster X (on loan to Celtic)
22 Marveaux
23 Shola Ameobi (just signed a 2 year extention to contract)
24 'Cheik' (it oot!) Tiote
25 Obertan
26 Krul
27 S Taylor
28 Sammy Ameobi
29 Vuckic
30 Ranger
31 Ferguson
32 Donaldson
33 Sodenberg
34 Tavernier  X (on loan to Carlisle)
35 Abeid
36 to 44 ?
45 Dummett

Forst team squad players withoot numbers so far?

? K Lua Lua  X (on loan to Brighton)
? Perch
? Kadar
? Xisco kid  X (gone on loan to waamer climes in Spain!-again!)
? Airey X  (on loan to Hibs)
? Richardson  X  (on loan to Orient)
? Newton
? Inman
? Adjei
? Forlan
? Henderson
? Zambiera
? Edmundsson
? Moyo
? Streete
? Nzuzi
? Elliot

Sunday 4 September 2011


Posted '7:00 am bells' Sunday 4th September 2011
Tickets for QPR on Monday week are now sold oot thanx mainly to the clubs decision to take anly the upper tier of the away end which holds 1,850.
My ticket cost £45 despite the fact that we were telt that prices had been reduced from £50 to £40 ??? (£45 ISN'T £40 IS IT!)

2,700 Villa tickets are on sale priced at £43 for 'big kids' for wor game on Saturday 17th September, while Forest are to charge us a measly £17 to get in for wor League Cup tie three days later on Tuesday the '20th' and we have been given 4,500 tickets for that one.

Bent Nose McCarthy's Wolves tickets are aalso on sale for wor game there on Saturday 1st October, priced at £34 (reductions on aall the above games for sprogs and zimmerframites!)

Friday 2 September 2011


Posted '10:10 pm bells' Friday 2nd September 2011

Wor 'beloved'? managin' director who is known affectionately to Toon fans az 'Llambs to the Slaughter' haz issued the followin' statement this afternoon regardin' the signin' of centre forward Jeff  Astle.
(Quote!) "Unfortunately the deal has fallen through due to the fact that we've just found out that Jeff is in fact DEAD! so he wont be joinin' us or be in the team to play QPR on Monday week!"


"The 'ASTLE' sign on the front of The East Stand has now been removed and will shortly be replaced by some very nice sports company logos to brighten up the stands frontage!"

"Our loyal mugs ("er!--sorry!---FANS!") can rest assured that every avenue will explored in our bid to sign a 'quality' centre forward!"---("That's!--- Dipton Avenue, Benwell,---Binswood Avenue, Blakelaw, Haig Avenue, Dunston---Avenue Road, Bensham and Leztz'Be Aven'ue, North Shields Police HQ!)

In anotha statement 'Llambsy' ("Baa!") states the followin'!
(Quote!) "Of course we all hoped to secure a further striker in the window in adition to Denba Ba!" (a free transfer!)
"Work to bring in an extra striker began in the early summer!" (we sold Andy Pandy in January remember!)
"Negotiations were complex and protracted and unfortunately it was disappointing that ultimately we could not secure our priority target!" (ie: a free transfer ne doubt!)
"We have a very clear policy and will not make knee jerk decisions at the last minute!" (ie: we want the players for next to nowt!)
"We understand that supporters (ie: mugs!) will feel frustrated that we did not sign another striker during the window, but it was not for the lack of trying that we did not bring our final target in!" ( a loan player perhaps?)


'LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER'---meaning of the phrase
In an unconcerned manner!
Origin---From The Bible---Jerimiah 11:19! 

Thursday 1 September 2011


Posted '3:00 pm bells' Thorsday 1st September 2011

'Sensational news' haz just reached 'The Geordie Times' that former West Bromwich Albion centre forward and 'legend' Jeff Astle, who scored the winnin' goal in the 1968 FA Cup final at Wembley and who died  nine years ago has signed for 'The Toon' just before '11 bells' transfer deadline last neet!

In jubulation of finally signin' a 'number 9' the club have even put his name on The East Stand roof, replacin' the 'NEWCASTLE UNITED' letterin' that has been there since anybody can remember! (see picture above which was taken yesterday, just after Jeff signed, if yi divvint believe iz!)

 'Jubulant' manager, 'I Beg Your Pardew' said: (and I quote!) 'This is great news for the fans to have a 'propa' centre forward at last! and hopefully we'll fill the groond for the visit of Blackborn Rovers in wor next home game!?"


Posted '4:10 am bells' Thorsday 1st September 2011    (just finished nightshift!)

"The summer transfer deadline!---has come and gone!"
"We need a centre forward!---but we've got none!"

"We sold  'Andy Pandy'!---for thorty five 'mill'!"
"Demba Ba replaced him!----and he cost exactly 'nil'!"

"They promised they would spend it!---but they didn't, as was feared!"
"Where's aall the money gone?---IT'S SIMPLY DISAPPEARED!" 

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)
(September the 1st 2011)