Friday 29 January 2016

YET ANOTHAA BLANKETY BLANK WEEKEND TO FILL IN!

Posted '12:22pm bells' Friday 29th January 2016
"HELLO FOLKS!---YOU'LL BE SEEIN' A LOT MORE OF ME
IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS!"

This weekend iz FA Cup 4th roond day(s!) and with us gannin' oot to Wotfad in the last roond we are left kickin' wor heels yet again!
(The 5th time this season that we will have had a blank weekend!)

Of course 5th roond weekend on Feb 20/21 will be blank az well because of this, az will the last weekend in February, az Man City will now be playin' in the Leegue Cup final at Wembley on the Sunday, (after they knocked oot Everton in the semis in midweek) and NOT @ SJP in a leegue game @ 'high noon bells' az waz planned!
(That's TWO weekends in a row withoot a game!)

This meeenz that we wont now have a game between playin' Chelski at home on 13th Feb and Stoke away on the 2nd March!

That's the price of success!----for OTHAA teams that iz!

Thursday 28 January 2016

"NO FRINGE BENEFITS HERE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 28th January 2016
SOMEWHERE INSIDE THE MANAGERS OFFICE @ ST. JAMES' PARK!

Just when yoo 'fink' it cannit get any worse then it DOES!

Whoever's idea it waz to arrange a 'behind closed doors' friendly against the SMBs @ The SOS yesterday, shud be hung drawn and quartered!  <(Are yoo readin' this Steve!?)

We were on 'a hiding to nothing' after wor 6 previous results against them---and that's exactly wot we got, SIX goals to NOTHING in their favour!

We were telt that this 'secret' game (that everybody naaz aboot now!) waz arranged to give wor 'fringe' players a workout!

We have to tell yoo that there were NO 'fringe benefits' for us and that the players involved shud be signin' on for UNEMPLOYMENT 'BENEFITS' instead----ASAP!

Toon 'fringe' team?: Darlow, Barlaser, Steve Taylor, Lascelles, Gibson, Roberts, Gouffran, Longstaff, Marveaux, Aarons, Riviere 

Tuesday 26 January 2016

'TOON'SEND IN TOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 26th January 2016

At last!--'some light at the end of the tunnel' regardin' the signin' of a quality wide man/striker!
Andros Townsend (now renamed by 'The Geordie Times' az Andros TOONsend!) iz due for a medical @ SJP tomorrow and iz expected to sign on the dotted line very soon!

A revised bid of £12 million haz been excepted by Sporz for the 24 year old Ing-er-land international and he will make hiz debut @ Goodison Park a week tomorrow (shud he pass the medical!)
Hiz wages are said to be in the region of £55,000 per week!  <(nearly az much az 'me'!)  <(if only!)

He iz quoted az sayin: "As soon as I knew that Newcastle were interested in me, they were they only club I wanted to join!"

Lets hope that he and Shelvey torn oot to be wor saviours and save us from the 'abyss'! 

Sunday 24 January 2016

WOTFAD 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:19am bells' Sunday 24th January 2016
A FAN HOLDS A SIGN UP IN TRIBUTE TO TOON DIEHARD 'CLIFFY'
WHO SADLY DIED IN THE RVI BEHIND ST JAMES' PARK
AFTER THE MAN U GAME

"ARE WE AALL IN 'DENIAL'!?"

A hat-trick of defeats in 'the smoke' in the last 3 weeks and a hat-trick of defeats to unglamorous Wotfad this season tells it's own sorry tale aboot wor current sorry plight!

Goals meen prizes, so WHY waz 'in form' Perez, who iz wor joint top goalscorer away from home this season  <(with TWO goals!) left oot of the startin' line up in favour of 'oot of form Mitrovic'  <(wor othaa joint top away scorer!) and Wijnaldum, who haz scored precisely NIL goals away from home!

We had a chance orly on when Aarons shot across the goal at the far end from us and missed the goal by a canny few yards!

Then Mitrovic had a chance to put us in the lead but shot against the legs of Wotfad's goalie and the baall went oot for a corner!

Apart from these 'highlights' of the forst half it waz back to the borin' misplaced passin' game az haz been the norm this season.

Rob Elliot made a double save after this to deny Wotfad and we went in level at the break, which waz better than a fortneet ago when we were one behind at this point!

However!--with just ONE minute on the clock in the 2nd period a through pass from a Wotfad player foond Ighalo who rounded Rob Elliot in the Toon goal to put the home side in front! (Hiz 'knee' waz later foond to be 'offside' in TV replays!) (McClaren missed this goal az he waz still comin' doon the tunnel for the re-start, yet he claimed the goal was definatly offside?)

Fluffed heeders then followed from us and Wotfad doubled their lead in the 58th minute when a scrabble in the box foond Cathcart and he wellied the baall home az the away fans held their head in hands in despair! <(at least 'I' did!)

Lascelles who had been awful up til this point then gave us some hope when he 'heeded' a Shelvey corner home 'with hiz nose' in the 71st minute, az blood poured doon hiz face!

Wotfad had chances to make it 3-1 on a couple of occasions aftaa this but couldn't finish us off---we did that worsels with missed chances later from 'super subs' Perez and Riviere!
PEREZ (on groond) MISSES A CHANCE LATE ON
(IF ANLY HE HAD BEEN ON FROM THE START!)

Anothaa bad performance and McClaren tells us later that we played well!---obviously HE iz reet and WE are in 'denial' and divvint naa wot we are taalkin aboot! <(aall 2,100 of us who made the jorney doon)

Toon team: Elliot, Lacselles, Coloccini (Riviere 88), Mbemba, Sissoko, Saivet (Perez 59), Shelvey, Aarons (Gouffran 59), Wijnaldum, Mitrovic

Attendance: 20,611 (plus some watchin' from the hospital windows in the far corner of the groond!) (2,100 Toon fans in 'denial'!) *
 
 
 
Sad stat: NUFC have now scored a total of just SIX goals away from home in TWELVE leegue and cup games
The lowest total of the 92 in the entire Futbaall Leegue!  
 
The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!
 in Wotfad toon centre
 
 

Friday 22 January 2016

WOTFAD v THE TOON (part 2!) *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 22nd January 2016
In a previous life!: "HAVE WE NOT BEEN HERE BEFORE?---LIKE!"

It's a case of 'daja vu' on Saturday when we heed for "Landan Toon" once again.
We travel by cho choo train to King's Cross at the same time doon ('7am bells') and the same time back ('7pm bells') via the same route through mackemland  <(shut the curtains!) and monkeyhangerland, due to 'on gannin' line work on the East Coast main line, az we did a fortneet ago for wor FA Cup tie!
"NOW WHICH TICKET IZ IT, AGAIN?"

And of course we are gannin to the same place az well (Vicarage Road) via Euston station, az we did a fortneet ago and will 'ne doubt' be drinkin' in the same Wotfad pubs az well ('The Flag', 'The Lion', etc!)

Wot we divvint want however, iz the SAME RESULT! az a fortneet ago and can anly hope that we divvint play like we did in wor FA Cup horror when we lost 1-0!

We've played 'canny' of course in wor 2 home games since then and the arrival of Jonjo Shelvey haz been 'a breath of fresh air' az we try and dig worsels oot of the bottom 3! (once again!)
Aall 2,100 away tickets have been sold!

Sad stats: NUFC have anly had anly THREE goalscorers in total away from home this season, Mitrovic(2), Perez(2) and Cisse(1)!
That's a total of just FIVE goals in TEN away games that have been scored in that time, between them!
We have failed to score in SEVEN of those games and have taken just SEVEN points oot of a possible THORTY on the road! (2 wins, 1 draw and 7 defeats)

There iz still ne news on a much needed striker (see above stats!), az it's aall went quiet on the transfor front, with 22 days of 'the 31 day window' now gone!---Time iz runnin' oot!---FAST! 
A full 'Geordie Times' match and 'liquid lubrication location' report will appear here sometime on Sunday! 

Wednesday 20 January 2016

TOON TRANSFOR ROOMAAAZ!

Posted '11:42am bells' Wednesday 20th January 2016
THE TRANSFOR WINDOW!

Roomaaz that we are aboot to sign Andros Townsend from Sporz are dein the roonds az we speak. Townsend haz featured just 3 times in the Premyaa Leegue this season--aall from the subs bench and we understand the winger iz keen to move on az he iz sick of playin' in Sporz U21 side where he haz played a number of times this season!--We will keep yoo posted! 

WBA striker Saido Berahino iz aalso on wor 'shoppin list' and haz been one of wor targets for a lang time. It's said we have put in a £15 million bid in the last few days!---again! we will keep yoo posted to any developments that may (or may not!) happen in the next few days!

Monday 18 January 2016

NOT! THE TICKET!

Posted '10:22am bells' Munday 18th January 2016
£55 FOR THIS VIEW @ STAMFORD BRIDGE!

Tickets for wor leegue game at Wotfad on Saturday are £25 for adults, az are tickets for wor forthcomin' visit to Everton orly next month!

However!---az per usual the tickets for wor visit to Chelski on the 13th of next month are a whoppin' £55!---(az waz the price last season!)

That's £30 difference for a cr*p view from the corner bit of 'The Shed'
and with the train fare nearly £70 for 'pleb class' (and that's with a railcard where yoo get 33% off!) it's gannin to be an expensive day oot in "west Landan" for sure!
(PS: The train fare to Wotfad this Saturday iz 'just'? £56 and we are comin' back forst class!)  <("get the cucumber sarnies oot!")

Sunday 17 January 2016

CLIFFY RIP

Posted '1:00pm bells' Sunday 17th January 2016

It iz with great sadness that we have hord of the passin' of a Toon fan called 'Cliffy' aged just 57 who came from South Shields. It waz reported that he had a cardiac arrest after the Man U game on Tuesday neet and waz taken to the nearby RVI behind St James' Park where he sadly died.
'Cliffy' waz a regular at home and away games and the odd European trip and waz an 'eccentric' character to say the least who used to dye hiz hair jet black!

For example when NUFC played in a tournament in Dublin a few years ago it waz 'chuckin' it doon'!
There waz ne cover in the front seats at Lansdowne Road and we aall moved to the back of the stand where there waz shelter!---apart from 'Cliffy' that iz ---who refused  point blank to leave hiz allocated seat in row two and he got a reet soakin' az he sat on hiz own like a drowned rat az hiz hair dye started to run!--to great amusement from the Toon fans present!

RIP CLIFFY!

THE TOON 2 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 17th January 2016
PEREZ (at the back of the 'D') FIRES THE TOON INTO THE LEAD!
(Geordie Times excluuusive!)

"MORE OF THIS PLEEEEZE!"

£12 million buy Jonjo Shelvey had a fantastic game with hiz supurb passes for wor 2 goals, which gave us the 3 valuable points to take us oot of the relegation zone (for the time being at least!)

Perez missed a glorious chance in the 4th minute @ The Gallowgate End when hiz weak effort waz easily saved by Adrian in the West Ham goal.
However!--he made amends just 1 minute later with a fabulous strike from the edge of the box after bein' put through by Shelvey!
1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL
(View from Milburn Stand balcony row 2)

It waz soon 2-0 after 15 minutes when Shelvey hit a pinpoint 60 yards pass to Janmaat doon the wing---Janmaat then hit a pinpoint pass to Wijnaldum who fired home from inside the box.
A fabulous move and wor best of the season!
WIJNALDUM GOAL! (Anothaa excluuusive!)

It shud have been more by half time but missed chances by Mitrovic in particular kept the score at just 2-0!


It waz the same failings in the 2nd half with Mitrovic (again) and Wijnaldum missin' wot seemed like fairly easy chances to put the game to bed!---But this IZ NUFC and the fans song aboot Chancel Mbemba "Never givin' the ball away!" will have to be re-written az he 'gave the baall away' to Jelavic on the edge of the box!--- He then rounded Rob Elliot in the Toon goal to half the deficit after just 4 minutes of the restart!
Wor othaa new signin' Henri Saivet then came on in the 57th minute to replace Paul Dummett and he seemed to settle in well!
2nd HALF ACTION @ THE LEAZES END

Othaa chances for Mitrovic and Wijnaldum came to nowt and we somehow held on to take the 3 points after SEVEN minutes of 'Fergie time' waz played by the ref, before he brought the game to an end!

An entertainin' and nail-bitin' game combined!---More of this pleeeze and we will climb away from the abyss for certain!

Toon team: Elliot, Mbemba, Coloccini, Janmaat, Dummett (Saivet 57), Sissoko, Shelvey, Colback, Wijnaldum, Perez (Gouffran 80), Mitrovic (Lascelles 95)

Attendance: 50, 031 (3,150 unusually quiet West Ham fans in level 7 of The Leazes End!) *

  

Saturday 16 January 2016

THE TOON v THE JELLIED EELS MOB *** THIS AFTERNOON

Posted '9:55am bells' Saturday 16th January 2016

"Happy times!"
LAST SEASON @ SJP *** NUFC WON 2-0 (More of that  today---pleeeeze!)


Jonjo Shelvey and Henri Saivet are expected to make their Toon debut's this afternoon and we can anly hope that this helps us to win wor FIFTH home leegue game since the end of December 2014! (We beat Everton @ SJP on 28th December 2014 and have won just 4 home games since!!!)

One of the teams we did beat in that 4 games sequence stretchin' back ower a year, are wor opponents today 'The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham' on the last day of last season to stave off relegation!

Wor home record this season iz truly shockin' az well, with just TWO wins in the leegue oot of 11 played so far!--- and 3 points iz an absolute 'must' if we divvint want to be cast adrift in the bottom 3 hell-hole!
The 3-3 draw with Man U on Tuesday waz 'much better' az we fought back twice to take a valuable point (scroll doon page for a match report on that!)
Anothaa performance like that ---pleeeeeze!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime tomorrow---az per usual!

Friday 15 January 2016

TYNE BRIDGE T SHIRTS *** ADVORTISEMENT

 
'GEORDIE TIMES' MEMORABILIA
ADULT SIZE
We've had so many requests aboot wor iconic? Tyne bridges logo, that we decided to get some quality 'Fruit of the Loom' T shirts printed with the '7 bridges logo' on the front, screen printed in white! 
(These are the 7 bridges that span the sacred River Tyne between The Toon and Gatesheed!---just in case yiz didn't naa!)

"Be part of the 'IN' crowd!"--------"Get your designer T shirt NOW!"



We have 50  for sale in various sizes from SMAALL to XL---aall in black! 

BAIRNS SIZES (SOLD OOT!) (made on request) 
(We intend to de bairns sizes az well on request, ages 1 to 6 years old and de them in 3 colours--Black, Blue and Pink <(for the gorls!)



Because of aall the logistics <(we naa aall the big words!) involved in sendin' them by post we have decided to sell them in person instead!

CLOSE UP VIEW OF LOGO (under copyright to Geordie Times)
(From top to bottom)
Redheugh bridge * King Edward bridge * QE 2 Metro bridge *
High Level bridge * Swing bridge * Tyne bridge * Millennium bridge 


Unfortunatly, some 'very nice person'? haz hacked into the e mail address we had planned to use, sendin' malicious viruses to try and knack wor computaa--so reluctantly we have had to withdraw the address until we can sort sommik else oot!

If yoo would like one of these iconic T shirts  pleeze 'click' and leave a message in the 'comments box' below (ne anonymous comments allowed) ---Aalso we will be in 'The Newcastle Arms' before the West Ham match tomorrow from 'high noon bells' til 12:30 and then 'The Bodega' til 1:30 and finally 'The Earl of Pitt Street' (in Pitt Street) near SJP from 1:45 bells onwards
Just ask who 'Fink' iz if yoo divvint naa me!

The price per T shirt iz £10 and they are made by a local supplier in the heart of The Toon!

 





THREE! CUP EXITS IN TWO! WEEKS

Posted '12:57pm bells' Friday 15th January 2016


THE ANLY 'SILVERWARE' WE WILL SEE THIS SEASON
(A TOON FANS 'NICKS' A TROPHY FROM THE WINDOWSILL
OF A PUB IN WOTFAD LAST WEEK!)

Wor U21s went oot of the 'U21 Premyaa Leegue Cup' last neet when we were beaten 4-3 by Everton @ Southport's Haig Avenue groond! 
Wor goals were scored by Riviere, Marveaux and Callum Roberts, who had equalised in the last minute to make it 3-3, anly for 'The Toffee Noses' to gan straight up the othaa end and score the winner!

The defeat follows on from wor U18s loss to AFC Wombledon in the FA Youth Cup on January 6th and of course the 'forst team' to Watfad in the FA Cup 3rd roond last Saturday!

Who needs silverware anyway!---it just clogs up the trophy cabinet!---DOESN'T IT!?


SOMEWHERE IN THE BOWELS OF ST. JAMES' PARK!

Thursday 14 January 2016

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPIN' NEWS!

Posted '2:15pm bells' Thorsday 14th January 2016

Tooneet wor U21s travel to sunny? Southport where we will take on Everton's U21s @ Haig Avenue.
There are comebacks from injury for Marveaux, Riviere and Aarons, if yoo fancy deein' a bit of (mad-sad) Groundhoppin'?  <(and YES 'The mad-sad groundhoppers' have been here before --many moons ago when we played Liverpool resorves!) 
Kick off iz @ '7 bells'

Wednesday 13 January 2016

THE TOON 3 VAN UNITED 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '12:22pm bells' Wednesday 13th January 2016
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)


"IZ THIS THE TORNIN' POINT AT LAST!?"

We said in wor pre match build up that "Anythin' could happen!" az this IZ NUFC---and it DID INDEED!

Twice the Manc Muppeteers took the lead and twice we came back to deny them!

It didn't look 'ower clever' in the forst half az Van Gaal's Mob attacked the Gallowgate goal and went 1-0 up in the 8th minute through a Rooney penalty, after Mbemba waz harshly judged to have handled the baall in the box!---Janmaat then had a 'ligitimate' penalty appeal torned doon at The Leazes End before Lingard fired the visitors into a 2-0 lead in the 38th minute and aall looked lost!

Just after Man U's 2nd goal a banner waz unfurled @ The Gallowgate End which read
'Sports Direct Shame', in reference to the way workers are treated by the company!

Wijnaldum gave us hope just before the interval when volleeed home from a Mitrovic pass to half the deficit!

Just before the mid-point of the 2nd half we were back on level torms when Mitrovic waz pulled to the groond by Smalling and the ref pointed straight to the spot for wor forst penalty in ower a year!

Mitrovic grabbed the baall and wellied it into the net to send the
46,000 plus Toon fans in the crowd wild with delight!

2nd HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL

We went for the win after that but couldn't make the breakthrough and then disaster struck again when that 'thorn in wor side' Wayne Rooney hit an unstoppable shot into the roof of the Leazes net to send the 3,000 muppets into ecstasy az they mocked Alan Shearer, caallin' him "A sad Geordie b*stard!' -with a sh*t football team!"

Aall looked lost at this point! (10 mins left!)

Paul Dummett however, dumfounded them (and us!) in the very last minute of the game with a belter of a shot to beat De Gea in the Manc Muppets goal to lift the roof off the stadium and claim an unlikely precious point in the progress!

"Chants of " SHEARER!-SHEARER!" then rang oot from the home contingent az 'The 3,000 Muppeteers' (in tears!) sat in deathly silence in the away end!

Is THIS the tornin' point of wor season at last?--OR anothaa 'false dawn'?----we shall soon find oot on Saturday when we face 'The Jellied Eels Mob' at SJP, where wor new signings will (hopefully!) be on show!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett, Sissoko, Colback (Gouffran 81), Tiote (Toney 85), Wijnaldum, Perez (De Jong 92), Mitrovic

Attendance: 49,673 (3,000 very quiet Muppets at the end!) * 

Tuesday 12 January 2016

THE TOON v VAN UNITED *** TOONEET!

Posted '11:07am bells' Tuesday 12th January 2016


ST JAMES' PARK FROM HAYMARKET CAR PARK (Silver Fox foto)

The games are comin' thick and fast and a bit of better news comes with the signin' of Senegal midfielder Henri Saivet from Bordeaux for a reported £5 mill and the possible signin' of Jonjo Shelvey from Swanzee for £12 mill! (The fee haz been agreed!)

We certainly need some new faces in the team after a horrendous set of results and hopefully they will both play on Saturday against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham!

Toneet we face 'Van Gaal's Manc Muppetts' @ SJP and with him admittin' that hiz side are borin', it shud be a rivitin' contest for the SKY viewers to witness, especially az WE havvent scored in the last 4 games and are hardly classed az anythin' but borin' az well!

McClaren reckons that Man U are on 'a downer' at the moment and that we shud take full advantage of that. (Man U have WON their last 2 games, while we have LOST wor last 4!, Steve!)

Wor visitors have won here on the last 3 occasions, scorin' 8 goals in the process--- while we have failed to find the net in any of those games! <(sounds familiar?)

Wor prediction however!---iz that anythin' could happen toneet!---this IZ NUFC after aall!

We shall see! and a full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!

Sunday 10 January 2016

WOTFAD 1 THE TOON 0 *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 10th January 2016
THE TOON (IN WHITE & BLUE) ATTACK THE AWAY END (1st half)

"DRY JANUARY!"

At precisely '4:54 pm bells' yesterday the ref blew for full time and ended wor dreams of FA Cup glory yet again!
The NINTH of January and wor season fizzled oot with the prospect of Championship futbaall to follow UNLESS we buy a proven striker!
We actually did BETTER than last season when we  anly 'lasted' til the 3rd day of January when Lestaa knocked us oot of the competition on that date!
Indeed since 'The Fat Controller' took the reigns NINE years ago in 2007 we have NEVER got past the month of January in the FA Cup, gannin oot at eethaa the 3rd roond or 4th roond stage every time! (the 3rd roond for 4 years in a row now!)

Wot more can we say?---anothaa abysmal performance where wor 'shootin boots' were eethaa 'weak' or miles off target against a mediocre Wotfad side who looked anything but world beaters!

Janmaat DID have a reasonable shot on target in the 8th minute but it waz easily parried by Gomes in the home goal and misses by Mitrovic and Perez anly compounded wor misery!
Then we 'shot worsels in the foot' yet again when a disastrous back pass by Wijnaldum foond Wotfad's Troy Deeney, who had the simple task of roundin' Elliot in the Toon goal to put us 1-0 doon just 1 minute before the interval!

'The Geordie Times' prediction that there would be at least 5 changes to the startin' line up against Arsenal last week were miles off the mark, az anly ONE change waz made---Mbabu for Colback who waz 'rested'!( He waz probably wor best player on the day az well!--but!,McClaren substituted him in the 52nd minute? -WHY?) 
2nd HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON ATTACK THE FAR END

We had chances after the break to level things but misses by Perez and Mitrovic  cost us dear az wor inability to score for the 4th game in a row meant anothaa 'Dry January' and 2 blank weekends to follow for the Toon faithful (4th roond day and 5th roond day!)

The tornin' point az far az the fans were concerned waz when Sissoko ran aboot 40 yards into the box--- but instead of havin' a shot himself, passed the baall to 'super sub'? Thourvin who (predictably!) completely 'fluffed hiz lines' az the 3,000 faithful chanted for their money back! (1,000 unsold tickets in wor 4,000 allocation!)
They then torned on McClaren who substituted Tiote for De Jong in the 82nd minute and chants of :"You don't know wot your doin'!", rang oot from the visitors enclosure amongst othaa things!
And we aall naa wot happens when the fans torn on the 'scapegoat'!---divvint we!???


That's SIXTY ONE YEARS now since NUFC last won a major domestic trophy! 
After the match McClaren said: "It's important to show patience!"

UNREAL!!!!!

Toon team: Elliot, Mbemba, Coloccini (Laselles 46), Dummett, Janmaat, Sissoko, Tiote (De Jong 82), Wijnaldum, Mbabu (Thourvin 52), Perez, Mitrovic

Attendance: 18, 259 (3,000 very unhappy Toon fans!) *



The pre and post match gargels took place here!

OOTSIDE WOTFAD STATION *** SPOT THE HEADLESS CHICKEN!

 
 
WOTFAD TOON CENTRE


"IT'S WOR CUP!"
A TOON FANS 'NICKS' A TROPHY FROM THE WINDOWSILL
OF THE GOLDEN LION!
(THE ANLY ONE WE'LL SEE THIS SEASON!)
 

Friday 8 January 2016

WOTFAD v THE TOON *** FA CUP 3rd ROOND *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:43pm bells' Friday 8th January 2016

We face the horrible prospect of 2 visits to Wotfad in the next fortneet az we take on 'Elton John's Mob' TWICE in the FA Cup and then Leegue later this month.

With the SMBs in London az well, tomorrow, it shud be 'fun and games' on the trains and aroond King's Cross station before and after the match! <(divvint forget to take your tin helmet!)

'The Wally withoot the Brolly' haz promised to send a 'strong' team az wor intention iz to actually WIN the silver pot in May!---(but somehow, me 'finx' that we'll be watchin' 2 othaa teams @ Wembley on the telly that day!)
Wor prediction iz that at least FIVE changes will be made from the startin' line up who played at Arsenal last week <(we shall sooon find oot if he iz 'tellin' 'porkies'!)

Wor FA Cup record since 'The Fat Controller' took ower in 2007 iz truly shockin' az we have NEVER progressed past the 4th roond and played a cup tie in the month of February in aall that time! That's EIGHT YEARS of abject misery!

There iz aalso the prospect of EIGHT YEARS of abject misery ahead az well, if, by some 'miracle', we DE manage to win the coverted trophy! (see below!)  



"DO WE 'REEELY' WANT TO WIN IT!?"

Thursday 7 January 2016

WOMBLES IN TOON! *** FA YOUTH CUP 4th ROOND!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 6th January 2016

THE AFC WIMBLEDON U18s TEAM!

Tooneet we welcome AFC Wimbledon to a soggy SJP when wor U18s play them in an FA Youth Cup tie:
The East Stand will be open for this game and admission iz £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

A result must be obtained on the neet and extra time and penalties are possible!
  < The forecast iz for persistent rain aall neet, so don't forget to take your brolly!
 
 (PS: Unfortunately aa wont be there az av got to gan to graft!)


Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

The Toon U18s 1   The Wombles of Wimbledon U18s 2

"A FAMILIER TALE OF WOE!"

An abject display from The Toon's youth team sent us crashin' oot of the FA Youth Cup at wor 2nd hurdle!

Wimbledon desorved their win by aall accoonts at a very damp SJP.
Lewis McNall got wor anly goal just after the restart to equalise after wor visitors had took the lead orly on!

However!--'The Wombles' sent us oot of the cup with just 2 minutes left on the clock with a well placed heeder from Egon to send most of the 915 crowd home disappointed ('The Wombles' actually brought a bus load of fans up for their 'big day' and they were in good spirits at the end!)

Their reward iz anothaa 'big day'---a home tie against eetha Man U or Chelski in the next roond!

"ER!" Match report nicked from nufc.com az aa had to 'miss it' and gan to graft, az mentioned above!  <(just az well--mebeez!)


Wednesday 6 January 2016

"IT'S WOR CUP!"

Posted '12:35pm bells' Wednesday 6th January 2016
THE LAST TIME WE WON IT! **** 61 YEARS AGO!

More waffle from 'The Wally'!

Wor 'beloved'? heed coach Steve McClaren haz made the followin' statement regardin' the strength of wor side to face Wotfad in Saturday's FA Cup tie @ Vicarage Road, claimin' that NUFC will be 'trying' to win the converted silver pot! :
" I'm confident that we can have a go at the FA Cup!"---"We'll play a strong team and every game is important!"
"The FA Cup is as important as any other game. It's another game we want to win!"

'Geordie Times' prediction: We predict that at least FIVE player who started against 'The Arse' last Saturday will NOT be in the startin' line up to play Wotfad!---We shall seeee!?

Monday 4 January 2016

'THE WALLY WITHOOT THE BROLLY'S LATEST QUOTES

Posted '10:22am bells' Munday 4th January 2016
"BELIEVE YOU ME--BELOW THE SURFACE I AM PADDLING LIKE MAD!"
(A recent quote from McClaren!)

On aboot wor defeat at Arsenal: "If we'd had Olivier Giroud we would have comfortably won the game!  That's the difference, you're always looking for that!" <(But we havvent got him--HAVE WE!---we wont pay 'the bit'---that's why we've anly won 4 games oot of 20 this season!)

"Unfortunately at the moment Emmanuel Riviere is injured, just coming back!" <(He's been injured aall season and scored just ONE goal in 23 appearences last season!)

"Cisse, who is a goalscorer, is injured for the next two or three months!" < (He's scored a grand total of TWO goals this season! and played in a total of 13 games (5 as a sub)---If he iz 'so valuable' to the team, why haz he been on the subs bench 8 times and an unused sub on 3 of those occasions?)

On aboot the players: "In the last five or six games they've been excellent!" <(We've lost the last 3 withoot scorin' a solitary goal!)

Sunday 3 January 2016

THE ARSE 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 3rd January 2016
A MINUTES APPLAUSE BEFORE THE GAME FOR FORMER TOON KEEPER
PAVEL SRNICEK, WHO TRAGICALLY DIED LAST WEEK AGED 47

"BLANKETY, BLANKETY, BLANK!"

Despite havin' at least 3 glorious chances to take the lead against 'The Arse' yesterday, we failed to find the net for the thord game in a row and paid the ultimate price when they grabbed the winner late on in the game.

For once we weren't 2nd best against the leegue leaders, but goals mean prizes and we finished with the 'booby one' yet again az Wijnaldum, Mitrovic and Mbemba aall shud have scored with glorious chances,---but didn't!
Wijnaldum had the best chance, when with just 3 minutes on the clock at the start of the 2nd half he waz put straight through and looked certain to score!---And wot did he de?---he shot straight at Cech, with the goal at hiz mercy!
Just a minute later Perez crossed for Mitrovic, who heeded the baall ower the bar when it looked easier to score!
MBEMBA PUTS THE BAALL WIDE OF THE ARSE GOAL!
(View from row 11 seat  261 'Clock End')

Mbemba then had a free heeder which he put wide and not lang after this the home side scored the anly goal of the game when Koscielny fired past Elliot from a corner kick in the 73rd minute!   

This means that we have failed to score in SIX of wor TEN away games so far this season---this iz the main reason 'we are where we are'!

A proven striker pleeeze in the transfor window!---or else we've 'HAD IT'!

Toon team: Elliot, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett, Janmaat, Sissoko, Tiote (De Jong 87), Colback (Thourvin 79) , Wijnaldum, Perez , Mitrovic 

Attendance: 59,257 (2,000 Toon fans) *


The pre-match 'gargels' took place here!
HOLBURN---LONDON
 

DRUNKEN TOON FANS INVADE THE BROWNSWOOD ARMS!---
MANOR HOUSE---LONDON (20 mins waalk from groond)
 
 
 
The post match 'gargels' took place here!
 


ISLINGTON---LONDON

CAMDEN---LONDON

"IZ THIS THE END OF THE WORLD?"
CAMDEN---LONDON

CAMDEN---LONDON
 

Friday 1 January 2016

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST