CHAMPIONS LEEGUE DRAW AT ‘5:00 BELLS TODAY!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 31st August 2023

Will be updated when we find oot wor 3 opponents!

The draw for the Champions Leegue group stage tex place today in Monaco and aall Toon fans will be watchin or listenin intently az the draw iz made from '5:00 bells' onwards GMT! (Geordie Meeen Time!)

NUFC are in POT 4 and cannit play any of the teams in the same POT

Aalso we cannit play any othaa Inglish teams in the 3 othaa POTS!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' dream draw iz az follows:

POT 1: Bayern Munich (2nd in wor 'bucket list'! Great boozers, great stadium!)

POT 2: Real Madrid (Very top of wor 'bucket list'! If there woz anly one more stadium we could visit, this would be the one!---It would be a dream come true!)

POT 3: FC Copenhagen (Coz we've nevaa seen The Toon play in Denmark!)

Fingers (and toes) crossed! XX 

We will of course let yiz naa when we find oot the 3 teams----az per usual watch this space lang aftaa the draw iz made!

Updated ‘11:00pm 🔔s

Great draw!

Dortmund, AC Milan and PSG!

CUP DRAWS IMMINENT!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 30th August 2023

The draw for The Leegue Cup 3rd roond happens at '10:15pm bells' tooneet on SKY! (NUFC enter at this stage)

From the ties last neet anly 2 teams, whos groonds 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been tee who won, are: Salford City and Sutton United.

From the ties tooneet, AFC Wimbledon's groond iz the anly one we have nevaa visited, although we have been to the old Wimbledon's Plough Lane groond in the old forst division! 

Wot we want iz an away tie against the above mentioned or a home tie against lower leegue opposition! (We divvint want any lang distance away groonds that we have been tee ---PLEEZE!)

And then THE BIG ONE!---The draw for The Champions Leegue group stage takes place tomorrow evenin at '5:00 bells' (Az far az we are aware NUFC are in 'Pot 4')

Mee own preference iz a tie at Real Madrid!

WE will bring yoo the Leegue Cup draw az soon az we find oot!

(Probably '2:00 bells' in the mornin'!) So watch this space! (eventually!)

‘1:45am bells Thirzday

It’s The Blue Moonies of Manchester at SJP! (15 mins orlier than predicted)🤪👍

THE TOON 1 THE LIVERBIRDS 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 28th August 2023

" DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY!"

Wot can we say?----1-0 up after 25 minutes through Evaatin fan Anthony Gordon with a fine run and shot and then 3 minutes later Van Dijk woz shown a straight red for clatterin into Isak and they were doon to 10 men!

Several chances to finish the mickey mousers off failed to find the net, with Almiron hittin the post at The Leazes End----Fine margins, az it could easily have rebounded into the net, but didn't!  HT 1-0 to us!

The 2nd half woz the same with Almiron again hittin the post, this time at The Gallowgate End, but again it rebounded ootside the goal!

And then 'the horror show' near the end, when with just 10 minutes to gan, Numez raced doon the pitch on The East Stand side to fire a raspin shot past The Pope to level the scores!

Worse woz to follow when again Numez  raced doon the same side of the pitch after a Bruno misstayk, to hit an identical shot past The Pope deep into stoppage time, to break wor hearts and send the 3,000 Liverbirds in level 7 into raptures!

3 points hoyed away at the end, against 10 men woz not wot we wanted or expected!

We must now pick worsels up for the lang trip to Brightin on Saturday----train strikes and aaalll!

Attendance: 52,214 (3,000 very happy Scousers!) (49,214 stunned Geordies!)

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS *** PREMYAA LEEGUE ON SUNDAY

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Friday 25th August 2023

4MIDABLE SIGNINGS!

"UNLUCKY 13!" 

We face Livaapoool on Sunday in a live SKY telly game at '4:30 bells'

NUFC havvint beaten the 'mickey mousers' (Scousers) in the last 13 attempts, so now iz the time to put this reet!

It will be very interestin' to see wor startin' line up and just who will play, with 4 new major signings in the transfor window! (Above)

If we play like we did against Villa in wor forst home game of the season, when we won 5-1, then anything iz possible!

Tomorrow 'yours truly' iz off to Belper in deepest Derbyshire to get mee 'Saturday fix' to watch mee favorite non leegue club----'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston in a Northern Premyaa Leegue (East) encoontaa!

If av got time aa'll dee a brief match report on that game, but will defiantly have a full report on the Toon's game sometime on Munday!

Az per usual:  "Watch this space!" 

BRIGHTIN DOON TO ONE POINT!

 Posted 12:24pm bells' Thorzday 24th August 2023

The loyalty points for season ticket holders for the Brightin away game next week have dropped to ONE SOLITARY POINT!

They started off at 100 points (fans who have been to 100 away games) 2 weeks ago and have dropped by 10 points per day since then!

The question iz:----We have an estimated 35,000 season ticket holders---many who complained the the loyalty points system 'wasn't 'fit for purpose'! ---Oot of the 3,000 allocation there are still 1,000 tickets left!

Nee doubt many will say that thay cannit gan coz of the train strike on the Friday and Saturday, or that Brightin iz tooo far away! (and of course live on the telly!)

BUT!---there are other ways to travel----There are actually motorways and 'A' roads from Tyneside to The Amex Stadium!

Nee good moanin that yih want tickets for glamour trips to Man U and Liverpoool, BUT not crap trips to Brightin, Bornemoooth and Cristil Palliss!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will get there one way or the other, just like we did last season when there were aalso train strikes v Brightin, Sooothampton and of course wor langest away trip at Bornmoooth!

If it gans to a members sale, then we can anly assume that the loyalty points system IZ 'fit for purpose'!  

Updated orly Friday mornin

PS it’s now sold oot (apart from ballot tickets) BUT we hear that some fans have bought them for the loyalty point, with nee intention of gannin !

However! If the ticket doesn’t get scanned on entry then NEE loyalty point is registered! A waste of £30 in that case!

A ballot will now take place for those with zero points for an unspecified number of tickets!

HALL OF FAME!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Tuezday 22nd August 2023

News that 18 year old full back Lewis Haall haz signed on a season lang loan from Chelseee haz reached us!---Wor 4th major signin' in the summer transor window!

He's a life lang Toon fan who woz born in Slough! (Near London)

He haz played for Ing-er-land up to U21 level!----He will wear the number 20 shirt!

"Welcome to The Toon Lewis!"

NUFC have been ranked 7th in the top 20 teams in Europe!

Progress indeed from 'the dark days' just 2 years ago, when 'The Fat Controller' woz wor owner and 'Broken Nose Bruce' woz wor manager! 

We were 91st oot of the 92 Futbaall Leegue clubs in the form guide, back in those 'bad old days'! 

Avoidin relegation woz the main aim---and nowt else! 

THE BLUE MOONIES 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from 11:00am 'bells' onwards, on the train back from Mancland, Sunday 20th August 2023

1-0 doon—but supported till the end!

THE VIEW FROM 'THE GODS'!

EDDIE HOWE AND HIZ BLACK 'N' WHITE ARMY!

*This woz wor 20th visit to The Etihad Stadium and 17th defeat!

(19th visit for the NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers—ax we missed 1 due to Covid!) We’ve drawn twice and have just 1 solitary victory in The Leegue Cup in 2014!

Quite simply we didn’t get oot of the blocks and had just 2 weak shots on target through Bruno and Barnes, both in the 2nd half!

Efforts from Almiron, Wilson and Barnes went wide---it just wasn't to be (Yet again at The Etihad!---wor 15th defeat here 'in a row'!--An unwanted Premyaa Leegue record at one stadium!)

The 1st half woz not very good, but from wor vantage points high up in level 3 we could see the Pennine hills in the far distance above the far stand! (And a gasometer!) When the game's not very good, sometimes your eyes and mind wanders elsewhere!

The killer goal came in the first half through Alvarez in the 31st minute, who hit an unstoppable shot past 'The Pope' (Goalie Nick Pope)

The Toon fans who got in (some didn’t coz they hadn’t bring ID like they were told to dee!) were in good voice and cheered the team on from start to finish! (See video at top of page!) Blue Moonies manager Pep even clapped us at the end!

But supporting your team non stop doesn’t get yoo any points!

*

*Attendance:53,080   Just under 3,000 Toon fans—a few empty seats coz they didn’t have ID! (3,000 tickets sold)

*Magical Mystery Pub Crawl Tour 2023-2024***

 7 Boozers visited in various parts of Manchester

Runnin total for away games, now 19

Heaton Park. Manchester (Heaton Park)

Waldorf. Manchester (Ancoats) 

Bar Rogue. Manchester (Deansgate)

Grey Horse. Manchester (Deansgate)

Oxnoble. Manchester (Deansgate)

Crown & Anchor. Manchester (Northern Quarter) 

Beer House Bar. Manchester (Victoria train station)

We woz there!—-The prooof!

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON *** SATURDAY NEET!

 Posted ''4:00pm bells' Friday 18th August 2023

LAST SEASON WE LOST 2-0---VIEW FROM THE MIDDLE TIER!---THIS TIME WE ARE IN THE TOP TIER----MUST REMBER TO BRING MEE BINOCULARS!

"WHO ARE YOU!?" 🤔

Wor forst away game of the season at the toughest place we could gan and NUFC have said that Toon fans will have to prove that the match ticket they have iz theirs and might ask for photo ID off an NUFC official in a spot check!  (A copy of the photo page of your passport iz suffice!) (ie: Nee photo--nee entry!)

This iz to stop fans who buy away tickets just to get the loyalty points and then sell them on to those who don't have enough/any points!---sometimes at a profit! 

The 'punishment' for sellin a ticket 'on' iz the loss of aall your loyalty points--and for a 2nd offence, yoo will lose your season ticket!!!

Last season for this fixture, tickets sold oot at 70 loyalty points!---This season it went doon to 10 (The number of away games attended!) which proves that argument!

'Colonel Gadaffi' (the one from Bracknell in Berkshire--NOT Tripoli in Libya!) used to get hiz away tickets off a friend caalled Mal (at cost price), but now Mal can't pass them on! 

He anly haz 3 loyalty points and woz unsuccessful in the ballot (for those who have 10 points or less!) and haz been forced to buy a ticket in the Man City end at a bumped up price of £80 (plus bookin fee!) from a ticket agency!---Apparently there are loads of tickets available in the home sections, which iz amazin, considerin that Man City are probably the best team in the world at the moment with 4 trophies in the cabinet, after their Super Cup win ower Seville in midweek !

And taakin aboot the best team in the world, their talisman Kevin De Bruyne iz oot for 4 months with a hamstring injury---and he's the one who supplied  Haarland with the baall to score many of hiz goals last season!---This iz really good news for Toon fans and for once we can gan to 'their place' and not be frightened of a six goal hammerin like we did in the past!----We can actually get a result if we play like we did in the 5-1 win ower Villa last weekend!---Nuw that's wot yi caall 'progress'! (This will be wor 20th visit to The Etihad Staduim and it doesn't make good readin: 16 losses, 2 draws and just one solitary win in The Leegue Cup 9 years ago!)

We are on the train at 8:40am bells tomorrow for the ridiculous '8:00pm bells' kick off for live telly!----Meeeenin that we cannit get back yem by public transport and have had to book a hotel for Saturday neet in Manchester! (Thanx a lot TNT Sport!)

A full Geordie Times match (and booze!) report will appear here sometime on Sunday when we are travellin back!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

More telly fix announcers for Octobaa

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Thorzday 17th August 2023

Two more of wor away games in Octobaa have been selected for live telly!----(Hotels in London and the Wolverhampton area will be needed for owerneet GB V V V V V 

*Wor home game v Palace on Saturday Octobaa 21st stays the same with a '3:00 bells' kick off! (For now!?)

Sandwiched in between the above fixtures are 2 Champions Leegue games----dates, venues and times to be conformed at a later date! 

Correction! West Ham game NOT on telly! Special thanx to Russ for spotting mee dilibrit mistayk!

STRAWBERRY PLACE DEVELOPMENT PLANS UNVIELED

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuezday 15th August 2023

Aa woz waaking alang Strawberry Place next to The Gallowgate End when a noticed this planning notice sign hangin from a lamppost about the new ‘fanzone’ on the old car park site behind the St. James’ Metro station! So aa ripped it off (az yi dee!) to have a look!

Have a read!

THE PROPOSED NEW FANZONE---COMPLETION BY LATE NOVEMBER WE HEAR!

Meenwhile 12 miles doon the road in mackemland, where they hate NUFC more than they love their own team—and ootside their fans club shop!

Yih couldnt possibly make it up, but the camera doesn’t lie!🤪👍

Updated ‘high noon bells’ Wedinzday 

Spot the difference!

They're so sad it's unbeleeevable!!!

THE TOON 5 THE HAZBEEENZ AND VILLIANS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'from 'high noon bells' onwards Sunday 13th August 2023

Wot can we say?---A better start and performance on the opennin day of the season could not be imagined with 2 debutants gettin on the scoresheet az well---Tonali with the forst goal and Barnes with the last! 

Aa went orly az the new digital system woz in force and worries aboot not gettin in on time woz mee big fear!---Thankfully aa had nee problems gettin into The Milburn Stand, but we hord later that many on The East Stand side didn't get in for the kick off!

LANG QUEUES OOTSIDE THE EAST STAND JUST BEFORE KICK OFF!

(Arsenal's orly kick off game woz delayed 30 minutes because of digital ticket problems)

The goal sequences were az follows: 

6th minute: After sustained pressure we took an orly lead when debutant Sandro Tonali got onto the end of a Anthony Gordon cross to fire in at The Leazes End to send the capacity crowd wild!

10th minute: The lead didnt last long az Villa equalized through Diabi who woz unmarked in the Gallowgate box! 

16th minute: 6 minutes later and it woz 2-1 to 'us' when a Botman pass foond 'Alexander (Isak) the Great' who made nee misstayk from a few yards oot!

Controversy followed when Miggy Almiron woz brought doon on The East Stand touchline, near the half time break, when their goalie Martinez raced oot of hiz box!---A RED card for certain?---But NO!---the ref pulled oot a yellow instead to very loud booin' from the crowd!   10 minutes stoppage time woz then added for a bad knee injury to Villa's Mings who woz stretchered off!

58th minute: Isak disposed Konsa on the edge of the box and hiz chip flew into the far corner of The Gallowgate net! 3-1 to 'us'

77th minute: Super sub Callum Wilson who had been on the pitch for less than 10 minutes hit a sweet shot from a Harvey Barnes cross (who had aalso come on) 4-1

91st minute: The icing on the cake when debutant 2 Harvey Barnes ran onto a Jacob Murphy through baall to hit a peach of a shot past Martinez to complete the opennin' day rout! 5-1

The result sent us to the top of the Premyaa Leegue tree---a better strart we couldnt have imagined!

Attendance: 52,207 includin 3,000 Villians, many of who had departed lang before the end!

*

“It’s wor cup!

Updated ‘6:20pm bells’ Sunday 

The commentator on the Chelseee v Liverpoool game haz just said: “The big 6 are not necessarily the top 6!”

Wot the hells aall that about —-like????

Wot does he meen ????

Updated midneet bells Munday

Roond 1 of fixtures have now been played with NUFC in top spot!🤪👍

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS *** SATURDAY TEATIME! *** PLUS A CHAMPAGNE PARTY FOR NEARLY £800!

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Thorzday 10th August 2023

"A NEW BREED OF FANS!---COMING SOON TO ST. JAMES' PARK!"

"THE ROOFTOP TOFFS!"

The forst Premya Leegue game of the season v Villa iz aalmost upon us, which of course iz a complete selloot ----UNLESS! yoo have a spare £800 to sit in the brand new 'Rooftops Executive Restaurant'!---where yoo can sip Champagne til your hearts content! 

Aye that's reet! (nearly) £800 to watch ONE game, which iz more than most fans have paid for their season tickets! 

Gone are the days in the 1960s when a skinny gadgie in a forn coloured coat would hoy peanuts to fans in the crowd in return for a tanner (6 pence) in old money (two and a half pence in todays money!)

And for BOVRIL substitute CHAMPAGNE! 

The times they certainly are a changin at St. James' Park!

"OH I SAY!--- THIS NEW COCKTAIL BAR IS SPIFFING OLD CHAP!"

"WHERE'S THE PEANUTS AND BOVRIL--LIKE!?"

VAT IZ  ANLY AN EXTRA 20% !

The Rooftops entrance!

"SORRY SIR!---NO 'RIFF-RAFF' ALLOWED IN HERE!"

Updated Friday

We here that Joe Willock haz a hamstring injury and will be ruled oot for a month 

Match report will appear here on Sunday

Ax per usual “Watch this space!

"SO THIS IZ LIVINGSTONE ER!" LIVRAMENTO I PRESUME!?"

 Posted '1:14pm bells' Tuezday 8th August 2023

ST. JAMES' PARK THIS MORNIN'

Defender Valentino Livramento haz finally signed for The Toon from Sooothampton after attendin wor 2 games in The Sela Cup ower the weekend!  It iz reported that the fee iz excess of £30million for the Ing'lind U21 International who despite hiz Italian soundin name, woz born in Croydon in sooth London!

"Welcome to The Toon Tino!"

THE TOON 4 THE YELLOW SUMARINES 0 ***SELA CUP *** NUFC WIN IT!

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 7th August 2023

"4 'TORPEDOES' SINK THE YELLOW SUBMARINES!" 

NUFC finished off wor pre season with another victory and some silverware az well, in the shape of The Sela Cup with a 4-0 win ower Villarreal of Spain (aka 'The Yellow Submarines' coz they play in aall yellow!)

NUFC wore wor aall dark blue away strip and the team woz completely different to the team on Saturday!

The goal sequences were az follows:

6th minute   Jacob Murphy: A Matt Richie cross iz half cleared and Murphy pounces on the baall and after a couple of touches he fire home into The Leazes goal HT: 1-0 with NUFC well on top

62nd minute Harvey Barnes: Makin hiz home debut recieved a pass from Joelinto and he lashed the baall into the net before celebratin in front of The Strawberry Corner!

76th minute Joelinton: Joe runs through the Villarreal defence and hits a sweet shot from the edge of the penalty area to make it 3-0 and affectively win the Sela Cup az there woz nee way back for the Spaniards! 

79th minute Harvey Barnes: Barnzee puts the icin' on the cake when Callum Wilson made a precision pass to Barnzee and he drilled the baall into The Gallowgate goal for hiz 2nd of the game!

Villarreals submarine had been well and truly ''TORPEDOED!"

  

"IT'S WOR CUP!!!"

And now for something completely different! (From yesterday's startin' line up!)

FOOTNOTE: We are very sad to hear of the passin' of Toon fan and Northern Alliance referee Barry Sweeney. Barry woz the dad of Liam Sweeney, who alang with John Alder were killed on their way to New Zealand in 2014 for NUFC friendlies when their plane woz shot doon ower Ukraine!

RIP Barry