Friday, 30 April 2021

THE STRAIN OF THE TRAIN--IT REEELY IZ A PAIN!

 Posted '12:46pm bells' Friday 30th April 2021

  KING'S CROSS  ➡️➡️➡️   
  "SORRY! FULLY BOOKED!"


Mee mate 'Sarnie Steve' (coz he always carries a bag of sarnies on away trips!) booked 4 train tickets for wor away game at Fulim, when they said some away fans would be allowed in! (We took a gamble that we might get some of them!)

Then they said only home fans would be able to attend, so he cancelled the tickets with a £10 cancellation fee, last week!

Now we hear that 500 away fans WILL be allowed, but the trains are now fully booked, az yoo need a seat reservation to travel!

"YI COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!"

**************************

IMAGINE!?

In other news

Here iz a photo of Dunston chairman cum waiter Malcolm 'Manuel' James serving beer to loyal fans behind the goal at 'The Tea Hut End' last Saturday!


Can yoo imagine NUFCs MD Lee 'Penfold' Charnley deein' the same for Toon fans at SJP???

PS: Dunston's beer garden iz open between '2 bells'πŸ””πŸ””and '6 bells'πŸ””πŸ””πŸ””πŸ””πŸ””πŸ””this Saturday az well! 🍺🍺🍺🍺

Aall welcome at this 'liquid lubrication location'! Loads of spare space for!---🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

Thursday, 29 April 2021

"SNAKES IN THE GRASSSSSSS 2!"

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Thorzday 29th April 2021


"WE TOLD YOO SO!"

THE GEORDIE TIMES MAIN PIC FROM 22nd APRIL

*West Ham co owner Karren Brady speaks oot aboot the so caalled 'big six's'? attempt to run a European cartel! 






Wednesday, 28 April 2021

THE MAGNIFICENT 7!

 Posted '10:44am bells' Wedinzday 28th April 2021


*5 weeks ago the smb were in a 12 game undefeated streak and heedin' for automatic promotion from Leegue 1 to The Championship.

 NUFC on the other hand were in a 2 wins in 21 streak and heedin for The Championship in the other direction!

The mackems were full of themsels and couldnt resist a dig that we would be meetin' once again next season!

They even drove to SJP with a missspelllt home made banner and displayed it ootside wor main entrance!

5 weeks later they have went 7 games withoot a win and cannit now win automatic promotion after their defeat to the mighty Blackpool at the SOS last neet!---The playoffs beckon yet again!

NUFC though, have put a 7 game streak of wor own, losin just once in the process to propel us 9 points from the relegation zone!

Of course the mackems could still come up through the playoffs (IF they dont lose their last 2 Leegue games) and we could still be mathematically relegated should WE lose wor remainin games and Fulim win theirs!----

These 2 scenarios are now highly unlikely together!

Can't see any smb banners ootside SJP now ---can yoo? 


*



*What gans aroond comes aroond!

YOO CAN'T BEAT BLACKPOOL THIS TIME OF YEAR! (NUFC360 TWITTER)

Monday, 26 April 2021

IT'S PLONKY TIME FOLKS!

Posted '3:00pm bells' Munday 26th April 2021

THERE ARE BAR BILLS!---AND BAR BILLS!!!

4 Toon mates celebrated wildly in The Strawberry, opposite SJP on Sunday, followin wor 1-1 draw v Liverpoool on Saturday, which virtually guarantees NUFC safety from the dreaded drop!

They got a very big shock when they asked for the tab bill after 44 pints between them!!! "Hic!"🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺"Hic!!!!"

Who says we are aall 'plonkies'? 

                          The end game!--get the £20 notes oot!

Sunday, 25 April 2021

THE LIVERBIRDS 1 THE TOON 1 ***,PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 25th April 2021

96th minute equaliser from Joe Willock! (Just to the right of the penalty spot!)


"FROM UTTER JOY TO ABJECT DISPAIR TO UTTER JOY!"

For the forst time in 5 months aa woz able to watch a match at a pub, rather than watch on mee laptop at home!

We managed to book 6 seats on the Strawberry's ootside balcony, within hockling distance of The Gallowgate stand!


Within 3 minutes of sitting doon with mee pint of John Smith's disaster struck when Salah scored on the turn to put the Mickey Mousers 1-0 up!

We feared a hammering at this point, but we stuck in and had a few good chances to equalise, but couldn't make the breakthrough!

The not so good view of the big screen az the sun deflects off the glass!

Dubravka in the Toon goal woz in top form and denied Liverpoool on a couple of occasions and we went in 1-0 at the break!

We fought tooth and nail in the 2nd period and again Dubravka woz wor savior with some excellent saves!

The drama came right at the end and deep into stoppage time, when Wilson scored a dramatic equaliser at The Anfield Road End!--We were in utter joy az pints were spilled and chairs knocked ower in the celebrations!

And then abject dispair az VAR ruled the goal oot az the baall had come off Wilson's arm!

Within a minute of aall this, Joe Willock scored with a wicked deflection az the Strawberry went ballistic once again!

It could anly happen to us!

Willock iz hugged by Brucey etc!

PS: The draw takes NUFC 9 points clear of the relegation zone and with games runnin' oot for the othaa teams below us, we are more or less safe, hopefully?

The view of The Gallowgate Stand from wor seats!

Friday, 23 April 2021

THE GOOD NEWS WEEK CONTINUES!

 Posted 'high noon bells' St. George's Day, Friday 23rd April 2021


Last neet Fat Sam the Ugly Man's West Brom lost 3-0 at Lestaa and on Wedinzday Sooothampton lost at Sporz.

Brightin aalso dropped 2 point on Tuesday, makin it a canny week aall roond for The Toon in the battle to avoid the drop!

We are 11 points clear of West Brom, 1 point clear of Brightin and just 1 point behind Sooothampton, who are in free fall!

NUFC play forst ower the weekend, when we heed to Anfield tomorrow at '12:30 bells' to play ex European Super Leegue club Liverpoool!

Fulim, who are 8 points adrift of us divvint even play coz they were due to play one of the Leegue Cup finalists (Chelski or Man City)(don't know which one?)

Anything against The Liverbirds will be a bonus and unbelievably they have won just 1 of their last 8 home games!(the last one)

"Defend! Defend! Defend!"

With just 6 games to gan, teams aroond us are running oot of games fast! (Fulim anly have 5 to save themsels)

We will be watching on from The Strawberry πŸ“ balcony beer garden next to SJP, az we managed to get a few seats booked next to the telly!

A full match report from wor balcony seats will appear here--eventually!🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

Thursday, 22 April 2021

"SNAKES IN THE GRASSSSSSS!"

🐍 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 22nd April 2021 🐍



Would NUFC have joined the ESL, if invited?

Make nee misstayk, yoo could bet your 'bottom dollar' that wor beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller' would have crawled ower broken glass to join the ESL, IF we'd been invited!

Az would the 'Brady Bunch' West Ham owners, Gold, Sullivan and Brady! (plus a few others!)

So let's not take the moral high groond and admit that it could've been 'us' az well!

The apologies by the Yank owners at Man U and Liverpoool were pathetic, hollow and NOT believable and have fuelled even more fan outrage, az it haz at the other 4 'snake in the grass' clubs, with angry protests at each and every one of them!

Top marks to aall of them!

They hadn't figured on the reaction and fury that AALL fans felt from Liverpoool to Manchester and London and beyond the so caalled 'big six'?

It will be very interestin indeed to see if Masters and hiz cronies at the PL meet out any punishment for these 'six poisonous snakes!???

Or will they 'chicken oot'πŸ” and not dee anything at aall!?

Anly time will tell in this sorry 48 hour saga!



Wednesday, 21 April 2021

NO SURRENDER TO THE ESL! 🏳

 Posted '2:22am bells' Wedinzday 21st April 2021

FINE DINING AT THE TOP TABLE!

PROPER LOYAL FANS 6! 🏁  

FAT GREEDY PIGS 0! 🏳

So, just 48 hours after it woz annoonced, the self proclaimed 'super 6' Inglish club founder members, became former founder members of the 12 strong European Super Leegue!

Fan power woz the reason for the collapse after Chelski's Stamford Bridge groond woz besieged by angry fans before their leegue encounter with Brightin last neet and within 4 hours of the Chelski protests aall 6 clubs surrendered to the fan pressure!

The day before, fans protested ootside Anfield, Old Trafford and Elland Road, where Liverpoool were playin Leeedz

It woz reeely pleasin' to see fans of the clubs involved in the closed shop, comin' oot to try and stop it!---And they succeded!

Well done lads and lasses----Futbaall fans united!

Anyone who thought for one second that this cartel would work, woz way off the mark and sadly mistaken!

This iz NOT America where franchises are common and relegation iz unhord of! 

And of course the 2 main protagonists who own Liverpoool and Man United are American billionaires who thought they could do az they do in the USA and have a cartel in the UK!

To have 12 'elite'? clubs decide who could or couldn't join their party woz ridiculous, unworkable and patronizing!

The six Inglish clubs who joined will now face the wrath of their fans, who simply won't forgive or forget their self centred interest to control European futbaall with their pure greed!

"NO SURRENDER TO THE ESL!" 🏁


Wor 'little sister' 'The Times of London's front page today!

STOP PRESS!
THE SMBs have just annonnced their own closed shop leegue!



Tuesday, 20 April 2021

'MASTER' OF HIZ OWN DOWNFALL!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 20th April 2021


Richard Masters the chief executive of The Premyaa Leegue crawled ower broken glass to lick the bootsπŸ‘’πŸ˜› of the so caalled 'big six', who opposed the NUFC takeower, az they didn't want us to dine at the 'big table' alang side them!

They have now knifed Masters in the back, az they went behind HIZ back to form this new European Super Leegue, with nee relegation for the  founder members!

A cartel in other words!

To get hiz revenge, Masters shud now BACK wor takeower bid, to get hiz own BACK on them!

THE FRONT PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY GILL'!

Monday, 19 April 2021

IT'S GOOD NEWS WEEK!πŸ€ͺπŸ‘

 Posted '10:41am bells' Munday 19th April 2021

Joe Willock's winnin goal to give us 3 precious points on Saturday!

THINGS ARE LOOKIN UP!

Well!--- aall the results ower the weekend went wor way and we find worsels 8 points clear of the drop zone in 15th place!

Thankfully there woz more heartbreak for Fulim when they conceded deep into stoppage time (again) to deny them 3 points at The Arse!

Bornley lost to Moan U 3-1 , with Brightin not playin til tooneet and WBA not til Thorsday!


THE NOT SO SUPER, SUPER LEEGUE!

And then we hear aboot the so caalled 'big six' forming their own excluusive Super European club, where none of them can be relegated!

Good riddance to aall of them IF yoo ask us, let them gan on their adventure with nee thought aboot their fans, who will have to travel vast distances to watch away games!

They have stuck a knife into the back of the Premyaa Leegue and aaall the other leegues az well!

Good news week? You bet, if they depart!

It will give the rest of us a chance to win sommik for starters!

PS: Az an added 'bonus' the smb lost for the 3rd game in a row, to severely dent their automatic promotion dreams from Leegue 1-- while 'The Smoggies' lost again, and can't even make the Championship play offs now!  Well done Neil Warnock! 

A 'very' good news week, indeed!πŸ€ͺπŸ‘ (so far!)

Saturday, 17 April 2021

THE TOON V THE JELLIED EELS MOB*** 12:30 BELLS'

 Posted from '11:30am bells onwards, Saturday 17th April 2021

"SORRY! WE HAVE NEE ROOM IN WOR BEER GARDEN TODAY!"

NO ROOM AT THE INN!

Despite repeated attempts to book into a multitude of Toon boozers with tellys in their beer gardens to watch the match, we have been unsuccessful and so we must watch the match on a dodgy channel on wor laptop at Geordie Times HQ once again!


This iz yet anothaa 'must not lose game', with Fulim not playin til tomorrow v The Arse and West Brom not playin at aall this weekend!

And so this iz a great chance to pull well clear of them IF we can somehow win against high flying West Ham at SJP!

The man we fear for the east Londoners iz Jesse Lingard, who haz scored 8 goals in hiz last 9 games! (He's on loan from Moan U)

With Saint Maximin and Callum Wilson now fully fit, we expect them to be in the starting line up which will be reproduced below in a few minutes time!

But what formation will Brucey play, we ask worsels?  If we gan for a draw and a point we fear it will backfire badly, and so (hopefully) we will gan aall oot for the 3 points to drag us 9 points clear of Fulim and 11 points clear of 'Fat Sam the Ugly Man's, West Brom!

Oh no!  He prefers Joelinton to Wilson!??? Iz Brucey gannin for yet anothaa home draw?  Wor 4th in a row????


A running πŸƒ‍♂️ commentary on any major incidents or goals, will be updated periodically below!

*


*13th min  1st shot on goal by Murphy at The Leazes End!


*18th min 2nd shot on target by Saint Max


*22nd min  Saint Max run through West Ham defence and hiz shot iz deflected for a corner



*34th min GOAL SAINT MAX SHOT GANS IN OFF DIOP  AND DAWSON IS SENT OFF FOR 2ND BOOKABLE OFFENCE!

40TH MIN  GOAL JOELINTON TAPS BAALL OWER THE LINE FROM 1INCH OOT 2-0 (A GOAL YOUR GRANNY COULD HAVE SCORED WITH HOR ZIMMERFRAME!)

HT 2-0 UP


*53rd min Commentator: Former West Ham player Frank McAveney used to party in London and used to go to bed with co-co (Iz that a cup of co-co or Co-co the clown?)


*72nd minute Despite playin with 10 men West Ham are dominant and pull a goal back through Diop with a heeded goal! (panic stations!)


*79th min  Oh no a penalty to West Ham and Lingard makes nee misstayk from the spot 2-2 (will we blow it now!)


*82nd minute  GOAL  SUPERSUB JOE WILLOCK WHO HAZ BEEN ON FOR 83 SECONDS HEEDS HOME FROM A FANTASTIC RICHIE CROSS TO PUT US BACK IN THE LEAD! (Below)



*90TH MINUTE    4TH OFFICIAL SHOWS 8(EIGHT) MINS STOPPAGE TIME!!!! (SQUEEKY BUM TIME FOLKS!)


*98TH MINUTE  REF BLOWS FOR FULL TIME AND WE ESCAPE WITH THE 3 POINTS TO PUT US 9 POINTS CLEAR OF FULIM AND MOVE TO 15TH IN THE TABLE----AALMOST SAFE NOW----AALL WE WANT IZ FOR THE ARSE TO BEAT FULIM TOMORROW AND WE WILL SURELY BE SAFE!



bRUCEY HAZ A LOT TO ANSWER FOR, PLAYIN LIKE THAT IN THE 2ND HALF AGAINST 10 MEN WHEN WE WERE 2-0 UP---LUCKY B*STARD COMES TO MIND!


MORE PICS TO FOLLOW MUCH LATER AZ A'M OFF TO A BEER GARDEN TO CELEBRATE!  

"YAA HOO!"πŸ€ͺπŸ‘

 

Friday, 16 April 2021

BORIS RECEIVES "BRILLIANT" NEWS ON THE NUFC TAKEOWER!

 Posted '1:47pm bells' Friday 16th April 2021


It haz been reported in 'The Daily Mail' that wor prime minister Boris Johnson haz said that it woz "BRILLIANT" news that the NUFC takeower bid woz still on track!



 And he could barely contain hiz glee, when told by an aide!

A statement from Boris:

"Let's make this absolutely crystal clear!  I have NOT interfered with the Newcastle United proposed takeover by the Saudis!  But it is indeed brilliant news that the deal could be resurrected!" "HOWAY THE LADS!"

Thursday, 15 April 2021

MORE TWISTS AND TURNS IN THE TAKEOWER SAGA!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 15th April 2021

NUFC SHARE THE FRONT PAGE OF A NATIONAL NEWSPAPER WITH ROYAL FAMILY!  
WHO WOULD EVER HAVE BELIEVED THAT!?


New developments have surfaced in the Saudi takeower saga, az a leaked letter states that the culture Secretary Oliver Dowden haz said that there iz no reason the believe that there iz a connection between the PIF and the Saudi government!

Indeed prime minister Boris haz been approached by Bin Salam aboot the way the Premyaa Leegue have treated the PIF unfairly!


The front page of today's Daily Mail conforms this and we reproduce the correspondence between Dowden and John Nicolson in the Parliamentary debate on the subject!




Iz the deal back on?---We can anly hope and pray that it IZ! and that the lang suffering Toon fans can finally have a team to challenge for major trophies and not fight relegation battles season after season after season after season after -----!


And from wor local 'rag' 'The Ronny Gill'



Wednesday, 14 April 2021

SHOP STAFF SHAFTED!

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Wedinzday 14th April 2021

News that wor beloved owner? known affectionatly az The Fat Controller to Toon fans, haz sent letters to the NUFC club shop staff, tellin' them that they have been sacked az the new owners divvint want them!

New owners?---Haz sommik happened behind the scenes?  Haz the Saudi takeower been reserected?  Who knows???

In the letters sent to the staff, thats exactly wot they have been told!  A bit of a shock and a disgrace to be 'shafted' in a letter and not told personally!---But nowt surprises us with this club anymore!

But mystery still surroonds the bid and buildin' wor hopes up after they have been dashed so many times iz soul destroyin' to say the least, especially with the 'fare' sorved up on the pitch!

The Geordie Times will beleeeeve it when or IF it eventually happens!

Until then, fingers crossed that the deal WILL gan through!

PS: Hopefully the club shop staff will be re-employed by the potential new owners?---Who will staff the shop if they aren't?

Tuesday, 13 April 2021

IT'S NOT OWER TIL IT'S OWER!

Posted '10:50am bells' Tuesday 13th April 2021


West Brom's 3-0 win ower Sooothampton last neet meenz that they are now 8 points behind us!   With Fulim 6 points adrift the relegation fight iz far from ower!

Sooothampton have now been dragged into it and are only 4 points aheed of us now!

Brightins 0-0 draw v Evaatin, meenz that they move one point aheed of us on 33, alang with Bornley, who The Toon beat on Sunday!

Wor game v West Ham next Saturday  iz another game that we must try and win and NOT gan for a draw!

6 more points (38) shud see us safe, but with games v Liverpoool, Lestaa, The Arse and Man City coming up after West Ham, it won't be plain sailing for sure!

It's not ower til its ower folks!

Monday, 12 April 2021

LIQUID LUBRICATION LOCATIONS REOPEN BEER GARDENS!

 Posted '3:00pm bells' Munday 12th April 2021

"HORRAY!"---"THE BEER GARDENS HAVE REOPENED!"
A CUSTOMER ENJOYS A COLD BEER!

After five and a half lang months the boozers have finally reopened today and this iz great news!  The bad news iz that its anly ootside beer gardens that have been allowed to reopen and sorve beer!

The weather on Tyneside haz been perishingly cold and below zero, with heavy snow and gales ower the last few days!

LAST NEET OOTSIDE THE GEORDIE TIMES HQ!
The Geordie Times haz some excluusive photos and a video when the beer gardens finally reopened this mornin'! 


"HORRAY!"---"A  'DRAUGHT' BEER AND A PUB MEAL AT LAST!"

*

Sunday, 11 April 2021

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES V THE TOON*** 'HIGH NOON' BELLS'

 Posted from '11:11am bells' onwards, Sunday 11th April 2021



*Missin from the starting 11 are Wilson and Saint- Max?

We were told that they were fit, so WHY are they on the subs bench?

Another defensive master class(less) from Brucey?

AALL the main incidents will be reported (aalmost) live from Geordie Times HQ from kick off time on wor laptop! (2 minute time delay on ☠, so bare with us!)



*Toon in wor yellow peril change kit?

*Commentator: NUFC havnt won a single game without Wilson this season (az camera pans to Wilson in stand!)

*17th min goal to bornley

Vydra unmarked in box!

1-0 doon!  No shits from us so far (shots!)

*38th minute penalty claim from NUFC for high kick-- VAR no penalty!

Still no shots from us!

(Grafics say we've had 1 shit---cant remember that?)

*42nd minute   a SHOT from Dummet ! Nearly an own goal, but Dubravka makes a brilliant save!

HT 1-0 doon   TERRIBLE! SHOCKING!

*56th minute: At last Wilson and Saint Max on!

*GOAL FOR MURPHY   FROM SAINT MAX PASS

GREAT STRIKE! 1-1

*GOAL  GREAT SAINT MAX STRIKE! 2-1 UP!

*PS: Wor lasses daughter Julie told me Saint Maximin had scored when she got an alert on hor phone!   I told hor that Saint Max DIDNT score and it woz hiz pass to Murphy, who scored!

"No! No!" she said "its 2-1 and Saint Max HAZ scored!" (The joys of watchin on a pirate channel with a 2 minute time delay!)

A minute later after she told me, he DID score on wor laptop!



*FULL TIME WON 2-1   A GAME OF 2 HALFS FOR CERTAIN!πŸ€ͺπŸ‘

*6 points clear of Fulim

11 points clear of Fat Sam the Ugly Man!

*Aalso dragged Bornley and Brightin into the relegation dog fight!πŸ•


More memory loss by Brucey in hiz post match press conference:

"We can't get carried away, but back to back wins in the Premier League is huge!" 

(Did we actually beat Sporz 2-2 last week???????πŸ€”)



And The Saint said this after the match!



Saturday, 10 April 2021

THE GEORDIE TIMES SPOT THE DIFFERENCE APPLE PIE AND CUSTARD QUIZ!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Saturday 10th April 2021

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!



BRUCEY PLAYS 'MIND GAMES' WITH HIMSELF AGAIN!

*FRIDAY!


*TODAY!



*A FEW WEEKS AGO!



*EARLIER THIS WEEK!


*And then theres the press conference where he said we'd anly lost to Moan U and Chelski---completely forgettiin' the horror show against Cristil Palliss, when we lost 2-1 at SJP!?

*With a crazy mixed up forgetful mind like that, who knows wot formation he will play tomorrow at 'high noon bells' at Bornley?

Attack? Defend? Play with split strikers? Play with a false 9?

Who knows wot will happen, but we will soon find oot from the team line up and when the game kicks off!

Wor own 'finkin' iz that he will play for a draw with a defensive formation---when he shud be gannin aall oot for a win, az the next 5 games are against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' (West Ham), Liverpoool, The Arse, 'The Basil Brush Brigade' (Lestaa) and The Blue Moonies! (Man City)----aall of them very tough games, where we will be lucky to get 2 points in total!

So pleeeze! pleeeze! Brucey, "GAN FOR IT!" (ie: Be positive for a change!)

3 points would lift us 6 points above Fulim, but a draw or defeat will give both Fulim and West Brom hope of  still catchin' us and escapin' the dreaded drop! (ie: 3 points for NUFC would virtually relegate both of them!)

Az per usual "Watch this space from 'high noon bells' tomorrow az we report live from wor laptop at Geordie Times HQ!

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