Posted from '11:30am bells onwards, Saturday 17th April 2021
"SORRY! WE HAVE NEE ROOM IN WOR BEER GARDEN TODAY!"
NO ROOM AT THE INN!
Despite repeated attempts to book into a multitude of Toon boozers with tellys in their beer gardens to watch the match, we have been unsuccessful and so we must watch the match on a dodgy channel on wor laptop at Geordie Times HQ once again!
This iz yet anothaa 'must not lose game', with Fulim not playin til tomorrow v The Arse and West Brom not playin at aall this weekend!
And so this iz a great chance to pull well clear of them IF we can somehow win against high flying West Ham at SJP!
The man we fear for the east Londoners iz Jesse Lingard, who haz scored 8 goals in hiz last 9 games! (He's on loan from Moan U)
With Saint Maximin and Callum Wilson now fully fit, we expect them to be in the starting line up which will be reproduced below in a few minutes time!
But what formation will Brucey play, we ask worsels? If we gan for a draw and a point we fear it will backfire badly, and so (hopefully) we will gan aall oot for the 3 points to drag us 9 points clear of Fulim and 11 points clear of 'Fat Sam the Ugly Man's, West Brom!
Oh no! He prefers Joelinton to Wilson!??? Iz Brucey gannin for yet anothaa home draw? Wor 4th in a row????
A running 🏃♂️ commentary on any major incidents or goals, will be updated periodically below!
*13th min 1st shot on goal by Murphy at The Leazes End!
*18th min 2nd shot on target by Saint Max
*22nd min Saint Max run through West Ham defence and hiz shot iz deflected for a corner
*34th min GOAL SAINT MAX SHOT GANS IN OFF DIOP AND DAWSON IS SENT OFF FOR 2ND BOOKABLE OFFENCE!
40TH MIN GOAL JOELINTON TAPS BAALL OWER THE LINE FROM 1INCH OOT 2-0 (A GOAL YOUR GRANNY COULD HAVE SCORED WITH HOR ZIMMERFRAME!)
HT 2-0 UP
*53rd min Commentator: Former West Ham player Frank McAveney used to party in London and used to go to bed with co-co (Iz that a cup of co-co or Co-co the clown?)
*72nd minute Despite playin with 10 men West Ham are dominant and pull a goal back through Diop with a heeded goal! (panic stations!)
*79th min Oh no a penalty to West Ham and Lingard makes nee misstayk from the spot 2-2 (will we blow it now!)
*82nd minute GOAL SUPERSUB JOE WILLOCK WHO HAZ BEEN ON FOR 83 SECONDS HEEDS HOME FROM A FANTASTIC RICHIE CROSS TO PUT US BACK IN THE LEAD! (Below)
*90TH MINUTE 4TH OFFICIAL SHOWS 8(EIGHT) MINS STOPPAGE TIME!!!! (SQUEEKY BUM TIME FOLKS!)
*98TH MINUTE REF BLOWS FOR FULL TIME AND WE ESCAPE WITH THE 3 POINTS TO PUT US 9 POINTS CLEAR OF FULIM AND MOVE TO 15TH IN THE TABLE----AALMOST SAFE NOW----AALL WE WANT IZ FOR THE ARSE TO BEAT FULIM TOMORROW AND WE WILL SURELY BE SAFE!
bRUCEY HAZ A LOT TO ANSWER FOR, PLAYIN LIKE THAT IN THE 2ND HALF AGAINST 10 MEN WHEN WE WERE 2-0 UP---LUCKY B*STARD COMES TO MIND!
MORE PICS TO FOLLOW MUCH LATER AZ A'M OFF TO A BEER GARDEN TO CELEBRATE!