Sunday 30 November 2014

THE JELLIED EELS MOB 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:05am bells' Sunday 30th November 2014

"DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET!"----"NORMAL SERVICE RESUMED!"

A disastrous day in "eest Landan" ended wor winnin' streak of 6 games when 'Fat Sam's Jellied Eels' won the game with a very fortuitous goal indeed!

The day started off @ 'The Central' @ '7 bells' where a squad of 'Dibbles' 'greeted us'? az we attempted to gan through the ticket barrier to get onto the 'DRY' train.
One of wor company had brung a bottle of champagne and some wine glasses and waz forced to drink it on the station concourse and he handed aall of us a glass of the fizzy stuff just before we departed! <(honest!---I kid yoo not!)---and then it waz time to get the '7:20 bells' train to King's Cross 

"Any alchohol?", one 'Dibble' asked me and I replied "NO!" just a bottle of diluted orange!"
He refused to beleeeve me and checked by bag which aalso contained some beef sarnies and 2 bags of crisps! (It WAS anly orange az well--with nothin' 'added'!)

We were soon in London and caught the tube to East Ham where we heeded for wor 'local' doon here, which waz 'The Overdraft Tavern' next to the tube station!

Several liquid lubrications later and it waz time to heed for the groond which iz 20 minutes waalk from there through a park to the away end!
Some more searches by the local 'Dibble' before we went in took place in what waz deemed a 'high risk' game for 'bovver'!

Anyway!---we simply didn't get oot of the blocks az we attacked the 'Bobby Moore Stand' at the othaa end of the groond in the forst half and a cannit recall ONE shot on target from us in the entire half <(pleeeze correct me if a'm wrang!?)

The 2nd half torned oot to be a disaster az we had Sissoko sent off for 2 bookable offences and Jack Colback aalso booked meanin' that under the toppin' up procedure, <(we naa aall the big words!) he misses wor next game against Bornley on Tuesday neet az well!

Just when it looked az though the game would 'peetaa oot' into a goal-less draw a wicked deflection from a shot from a West Ham player foond the feet of Cressweell and he gleefully took hiz chance to toe poke the baall past Rob Elliot in The Toon goal.

Sissoko's sendin' off followed and with ne shots again on target in the 2nd period from us , 'The Jellied Eels Mob' took the 3 points and dented wor unbeaten run!---(we dropped from 5th to 9th in the table!)

After the match it waz back to 'The Overdraft' after dodgin' some 'Dibbles' who refused to let us gan back through the park---so we simply waalked a hundred yards up the road and went through anothaa gate to avoid them! <(ne need for this kind of hassle!)

It waz then onward to 'Farringdon' near King's Cross for the final liquid refresments before catchin' the 'DRY' train back to The Toon!

The Transport Dibbles were oot in force again at the station, searchin' everybody's bags for the dreaded 'alcohol'!

< Some of wor younger fans reeely 'took the P*SS' by offerin' the Dibbles some of their glasses of 'coke' to drink on the train!---which waz heavily laced with VODKA they had smuggled on and mixed in!
"Yi COULDN'T make it up!"

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat (Steve Taylor 74), Heidara, Williamson, Dummett, Colback, Tiote (Cisse 63), Gouffran (Cabella 63), Sissoko, Sammy Ameobi, Perez

Attendance: 34,977 (3,000 Toon fans in 'The Clever Trevor (Brooking) Stand'!)   



  

Friday 28 November 2014

THE JELLIED EELS MOB v THE TOON **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '12:45pm bells' Friday 28th November 2014
YOHAN CABAYE FIRES WOR 3rd GOAL HOME LAST SEASON (NUFC WON 3-1)
(Sorry aboot the blurred pic, but a'd had a bit to drink by this time!)

Tomorrow we heed for "Landan's eeest end" where we take on 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham @ The Boleyn Groond!

Aall 3,000 places allocated behind 'The David Fishwick Stand'? <(nevaa knew they had a player called 'Fishwick?---Soonds a bit 'fishy' to me?) have been sold, ensurin' a canny atmosphere come '3 bells'!

News that the trains are aall 'dry' both DOON and BACK from King's Cross for this game haz been conformed by the Transport Dibble, az the fixture iz regarded az 'Category B' for 'Bovver'!

This stems from wor pre season in Jawmany when both the eest Landan mob and 'us' played in the Schalke Tournament, when there waz a bit "bovver" between the two sets of fans!

Anyway!--we'll just have to abstain from the 'hootch' for 3 hours, before heedin' for 'The Overdraft' boozer in East Ham for wor liquid luncheon, which iz aboot a 20 minute waalk from the ground

We are gannin for wor SEVENTH win 'on the boonce', while the home side are flyin' high az well under the guidance of 'Big Fat Sam'

History lesson: NUFCs 1st ever visit to Upton Park took place 105 years ago when we drew 0-0 in an FA Cup tie in front of 17,000 in February 1909 (NUFC won the replay 2-1)
We have played them 125 times in Leegue and cups and have won 50, drawn 37 and lost 38 times.
'The Geordie Times' 1st visit happened 45 years ago in March 1969, when we lost 3-1
(Archive match report on that game below!---ground number 009)

A full Geordie Times match report from 'tomorrow's' game will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday!  

Thursday 27 November 2014

"WE BRING YOO AALL THE NEWS SECOND HAND, FORST!"

Posted '1:18pm bells' Thorsday 27th November 2014
MOSS LANE, ALTRINCHAM <<<("AT LAST!!!")

"GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!"

Due to the wonders of modern technology we have just received the match pix from last Friday when wor U18s played Man Us equivalent @ Altrincham!

Adam (without aunt) who 'groundhopped' to this game, promised to send them to 'The Geordie Times' by electronic transfor from hiz laptop (E mail!) az soon az he got back---and the excitin' news IZ!---we have just got them this very minute!
When yi consider that Adam (without aunt) anly lives SIX miles from me, then aa'll think you'll agree, that to anly tek SIX DAYS for the E mail to get here, iz a marvellous and wonderous achievement!? <("ER!" it would have been quicker if he'd crawled here on hiz hands and knees ower broken glass!!!)

Remember wor motto:? "We bring yoo aall the news forst hand, second!"---(or iz it "second hand, forst???)

Wednesday 26 November 2014

A 'DRY' SENSE OF HUMOUR!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 26th November 2014
"EMPTY'S PLENTY!"

"RUNNIN' ON EMPTY!"

Anyone plannin' on a 'liquid lubrication breakfast' on the train doon to West Ham on Saturday had better think again!
In conjunction with the 'British Transport Dibbles', 'East Coast Trains' have announced that there will be NE ALCOHOL allowed on trains TO and back FROM King's Cross on Saturday!

They reeely de like to try and spoil wor day!------divvint they!?------ and we are just wonderin' that 'The Dibble' might just follow us off the train and stop us enterin' any boozer en route to Upton Park! <(DIVVINT bet against it!)

Just why they have put this new restriction upon us iz anybodys guess??? (az we are AALL ower 18 < just!)  and we plan to sneak away when they are not lookin' and heed for 'East Ham' and 'The Overdraft' boozer in particular! <("Er!"---hope they divvint reeed this---or we are in deep trouble!)
Aall  3,000 away tickets have been sold at the ridiculous price of £43 and we will update yoo on any forthaa 'spoiling' developments later in the week!

Monday 24 November 2014

THE TOON U21s v CREWE ALEX U21s *** TOONEET!

Posted '10:17am bells' Monday 24th November
ACTION ORLIER THIS SEASON @ BLUE FLAMES
 (U21s v READING U21s)


Tooneet @ Blue Flames in Benton (aka Whitley Park), wor resorves have a mouth waaterin' cup tie against Crewe Alexandra? in the U21 Premier Leegue Cup!
Just how Crewe are in the U21 Premier Leegue iz anybodys guess? az of course their forst team languish in the lower reaches of the Futbaall Leegue <(where they have aalways been!) 

Get there orly to avoid 'the crush' az a crowd of 200 plus iz expected! 
The tie will be settled on the neet with extra time and penalties if necessary!
Kick off iz @ '7 bells' and admission iz FREE to season ticket holders and members

Updated Tuesday:

The Toon progressed to the next stage of the competition by defeatin' 'The Alex' 2-1 in front of a 317 'crowd'

Callum Roberts and Tom Heardman scored wor goals with Heardman's comin' in extra time to win the tie and put us in the last 16!

Sunday 23 November 2014

THE TOON 1 'APPY 'ARRY'S RAG & BONE MEN RANGERS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '10:27am bells' Sunday 23rd November 2014

"Sissok-go!---It's SIX in a row!"
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END

This game waz 2nd last on 'Match of the Day' last neet which tells yoo just how good the game waz! (The mackems were on last!)

We started off well az we attacked 'The Leazes' and aalmost went aheed in the very forst minute when QPR goalie Green wellied a baall, which hit Colback and nearly rebounded into the net!

The rest of the half waz a bit dour with the visitors happy to gan in at the break on level terms!

LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE EAST STAND

An injury scare for Ryan Taylor waz the most worryin' point for us in the forst period and he waz forced to come off in tears in the 34th minute after his forst start for 993 days!

The 2nd half wasn't much better and with a goal-less draw loomin', up stepped 'The Sissoko Kid' to fire home an unstoppable shot from inside the area @ 'The Gallowgate' to send the 50,000 Geordies inside St James' crazy with delight!

There waz ne way back for 'The Rag & Bone Men' from Shepherd's Bush <(BBC comedy duo from the 1960s 'Steptoe & Son' came from here!) and we ran oot one-nil winners and recorded wor FIFTH leegue win in a row and SIXTH in aall competitions!

We amazingly climbed briefly to a 'Champions Leegue' position (4th) but MAN Us win @ 'The Arse' later on, knocked us back doon to 5th!
ACTION AT THE LEAZES END

Afterwards we foond oot that Ryan Taylor's injury wasn't az bad az we'd thought and he came off az a precaution az hiz knee felt 'a bit dodgy'! <(we wish him well!)

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Dummett, Haidera, Ryan Taylor (Gouffran 34), Sissoko, Colback, Cabella (Cisse 68), Perez (Armstrong 89) , Sammy Ameobi

Attendance: 51,915 (inc my great nephew 'Dan from Darlo') (1,400 or so QPR)

                                      
(2nd highest attendance in the UK behind 'The Arse')
SOME QPR FANS OOTSIDE ST JAMES' PARK!
*
Wor stats for the season so far are quite impressive actually.
In the Premya Leegue and Leegue Cup oot of 15 games played so far, we have won 8 *** drawn 4 *** and lost just 3 !

P45DEW?---we still resorve wor judgement til after Xmas az we still have to play Chelski, 'The Arse', Sporz, 'The SMBs', and Man U!


Saturday 22 November 2014

THE TOON v 'APPY 'ARRY's RAG & BONE MEN RANGERS *** TOODAY @ '3 BELLS'

Posted '10:19am bells' Saturday 22nd November 2014
THE LAST TIME WE MET***
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END

After a fortneets break we are back in action against QPR @ St James' this afternoon

We understand that ower 50,000 tickets have been sold so far and a 'selloot' looks on the cards (not sure just how many wor visitors have sold?)

We are gannin for wor SIXTH! win on the boonce against lowly QPR--but this iz NUFC of course and anythin' can happen!!!???

History: The last time we met @ SJP we won 1-0 with Shola Ameobi gettin' the anly goal of the game in the 2012-2013 season in front of a 50,180 crowd (900 QPR).

Wor forst EVER meetin' took place az recently az 1968 @ SJP where we won 3-2 in front of a 35,000 plus crowd in an old  forst Division match. <(now Premyaa Leegue!)
Wor goal scorers were Ollie Burton, Keith Dyson and Tommy Gibb and 'The Geordie Times' waz there!

In total we have played the "west Landaners" 46 times, winnin' 22, drawin' 8 and losin' 16!   Goals for 66---goals against 67

A full and compreeehesive 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here sometime tomorrow!

MANC MUPPETS U18s 2 THE TOON U18s 0

Posted '9:47am bells' Saturday 22nd November 2014

On a rainy neet in the Manchester suburbs <(wot else in Manchester!?) the Toon U18s succumbed to Man Us equivalent and lost 2-0.
3 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers made the trip, namely 'Michael the Mag', Adam (minus hiz aunt!) and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer'! And they sent 'The Geordie Times' a compreeehensive match report and pix for yoo to enjoy?

"A goal each side of the break from Marcus Rashford condemned The Toon to defeat in front of 433 @ Moss Road, Altrincham last neet!" <(end of 'compreeehensive' match report!?)

And az for the 'pix'??? <(they forgot to send them!---they are sacked!!!!)

Friday 21 November 2014

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Updated '12:30pm bells' Friday 21st November 2014

Wor U18s game against Man U U18s toooneet haz been confirmed and will be played @ Moss Lane, Altrincham and NOT Man Us trainin' groond @ Carrington ,az haz been wrongly reported in various publications!

Kick off iz @ '7 bells' in this Under 18s Premyaa Leegue game!

Most of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' <(inc little ol' me!) have been here before, and therefore won't be gannin', but the likes of 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and 'Michael the Mag' havvent and they will be makin' the trek ower the M62 sometime this afternoon to tick 'this one' 'off their list'! <(the traffic iz terrible on the M62 on a Friday afternoon!---so best of luck to them!)

(PS: A mad-sad groundhoppers archive match report from 'The Geordie Times'z visit here 10 years ago, when NUFC resorves played Man U resorves, iz printed below!)
(ground number 233) 

233 moss lane altrincham


(GROUND NUMBER 233)

Date of First Visit: 21st APRIL 2004

MOSS LANE, ALTRINCHAM

MANCHESTER UNITED RESERVES  2

NEWCASTLE UNITED RESERVES  1  (Ferrell)

BARCLAYCARD PREMIERSHIP RESERVE LEAGUE (NORTH)

ATTENDANCE 333

 

“WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN!?”

 


Ah had nee choice if ah wanted tih gan tih this one but tih tek a day off graft az ah waz offered some work deliverin’ goods tih Cheshire and Manchester (of aall places!) forCarters Express’.

Az we were actually playin’ in the Manchester area it waz temptin’ tih tek thework and ‘park up’ for the neet in Altrincham.

 

However!---because they needed the truck back for orly the next day, it waz ‘oot of the question’ and it would’iv meant missin’ the match az there would’nt be enough time tih drive back doon.

(Plus it would’iv meant iz drivin’ ower six hundred miles and passin’ ‘The ‘M62’ Farmhoose’, fower times in one day!----(It waz just TOO! much tih contemplate!)

And so (‘it came to pass’!) ah blew yet another days graft tih watch the resorves play on a new groond.

 

A’d picked ‘Biffa’ up on the way at Garforth station (he’d been workin’ in York) and just the two of us heeded for Moss Lane, the home of Altrincham and Man Utd resorves.

The King George booza just doon the road from the groond waz wor forst ‘port ‘o’ caall’ when we arrived there.

Amazingly, ‘The Undertaker’ had decided tih give this one ‘a miss’ az he waz runnin’ out of lou days from graft and said that he’d ‘catch up’ when we played there the followin’ season.

 

Afta a couple of gargels wih heeded for the groond and surprizingly, (considerin’ it was’nt too far from Manchester) there were very few fans inside the groond when we got there?

 

Az the match kicked off the were bearly 300 spectators present and this total (az usual) included quite a few Toon fans, most of them of course livin’ in the area!

‘Glen from Ashington’ then made an appearance and  he waz the anly ‘saddo’ apart from me and ‘Biffa’ who had travelled doon from the north east.

(This waz aalso ‘Biffas’ 100th Toon game of the season!)

 

We were waalkin’ aroond the groond tih get a good vantage point when Man U struck the forst blow.

With bearly thorty secs on the clock, ‘one’ Chris Eagles had a shot which ‘flew’ (sic!) intih the Toon net!----NOT! a good start!

 

That torned out tih be the anly score in the forst period, which tih be porfectly ‘blunt’ (and mee surname is ‘Sharp’)  waz total CR**!

 

At half time, Altrincham did a presentation to some Man U directors az this (the loudspeaker announcer announced) waz the last time that the Old Trafford second string would be playin’ there!

(Or waz it ManU deein a presentation tih Altrincham???)

Wait til ‘The Undertaker’ finds THIS! oot ah thought!---remember!--- he’d said that he’d dee this groond the next season! (OH! NO HE WON’T!)

 

ANYWAY!---the second half waz just az cr** az the forst and The Toon went fortha behind with twenty mins tih gan when Ramage in the Newcastle defence gave away a penalty.

Eagles took the pen and it ‘soared’ intih the top corner! (double sic!)

 

‘SICK’!----you’re not kiddin’, and it made us wonder just why we bother with theeze games (once again!)

 

Just before full time Andy Ferrell gave us sommik tih cheer when he scored with a fine solo effort!, but it waz aall much too late and aboot a minute later the ref blew for full time.

 

Aa  gave Glen a lift back in mee ‘limo’ and az wih past the ‘M62’ farmhoose the farmers wife waz busy
draa-in  hor bedroom curtains, ready for a bit ‘shut-eye’! (or sh**???)

 

 

 

Wednesday 19 November 2014

TOON U21s 7 TEAM NORTHUMBRIA 0 *** NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 19th November 2014

"AND HERE'S YOUR STARTER FOR 7!"

Dreams of a replay so that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' could visit a new groond very quickly evaporated @ 'Blue Flames' last neet in front of 268 hardy souls! <(NOT includin' me---I may add, az aa had to gan to graft!)

A hat-trick by Sean Longstaff and forthaa goals from Gilliead, Olley, Ward and Broccoli sealed the university sides fate in this very one sided contest! 

Tuesday 18 November 2014

"THEY DON'T LIKE US!---THEY DON'T CARE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 18th November 2014

An absolutelee disgraceful decision by Millwaall FC to play their FA Youth tie against us on the same afternoon az wor forst team visits 'The Arse', meenz we can't possibly take in both games in their entirety!
Wor game @ 'The Emirates' kicks off @ '5:30 bells' on Saturday 13th December, while wor Youth game @ The New Den kicks off @ '3 bells' on the same day!

Az it would take at least an hour to travel between the 2 groonds, NUFC asked Millwaall if they could bring the Youth Cup tie forward a couple of hours so Toon groundhoppers could attend both games---but they REFUSED POINT BLANK!

The Youth Cup game could aalso gan to extra time and penalties meenin' that it wouldn't finish before wor game @ 'The Arse' started! <(meenin' that we would end up missin' it, if we stayed til the bitter end!) 

Aall Millwaall had to de waz bring the kick off time forward by TWO HOURS to help us---but they have insisted that the game gans aheed @ '3 bells'---Az their club songs gans----"No one like us!---We Don't care!"
"NO GO! FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"
(Unless we miss the Arsenal game!)

Meenwhile!---wor U21s take on Team Northumbria tooneet at 'Blue Flames' Benton in The Northumberland Senior Cup @ '7:30 bells'---A draw would meen a replay @ Team Northumbria's Coach Lane groond!--anothaa groond we have nevaa been te (like The New Den!)

Sunday 16 November 2014

"THE CLUBHOOSE WHERE TIME STOOD STILL!"

Posted '11:20am bells' Sunday 16th November 2014
THE DUNSTON CLOCK, SHOWIN' THE CORRECT TIME
AFTER THE MATCH!
(ING-ER-LAND ARE ON THE TELLY!---AND NEBODYS WATCHIN'!)

Az mentioned before, The Toon had a 'Blankety Blank' weekend yet again due to the European International qualifiers, so it waz decided to heed for Federation Park, where the Dunston 'Bad Blue Boys' were playin' 'The Guisborough 'mackems' <(they play in red n white stripes!) in a Northern Leegue fixture.

The clubhoose (of course!) waz the forst 'port o caall' and aa arrived in good time for a few 'gargels' before the match. A couple of the othaa lads came in and we sat and chatted az we supped wor ale.
And then aall of a sudden aa hord a loud 'thud' and looked in the direction where the noise had came from, but could see nothin' amiss? <(very strange?)

10 minutes later a'd nearly finished mee pint and looked towards the clock on the waall to see if we had time for anothaa pint (or 2!) before the kick off!---But the clock wasn't there???---and then aa 'tumbled'---it waz the clock which had faallen off the waall and had made the loud thud!

"John!", aa shouted to the committee man behind the bar!, "Aa think yi clock's faallen off the waall!", pointin in the direction of the empty space on the 'said' waall!

He duly went to retrieve the clock which had faallen onto a chair and put it back up and waalked away.  "The clock's 10 minutes slow!", somebody shouted and John went back, took the clock back off the waall and moved the minute hand 10 minutes forward to the correct time!
He couldn't hear the clock tickin' and tapped the glass to try and get it gannin'---but to no avail!?---- 

And then a Dunston fan foond sommik else on the floor! "Aa think yi need this to get the clock gannin', John!", he yelled, az he held a BATTERY above hiz heed!

Huge roars of laughter suddenly enveloped the packed clubhoose az John sheepishly took the clock off the waall yet again and put the battery back in! 
He then skulked off back to the bar, tryin' to hide hiz blushes in the process! <(Yi COULDN'T make it up!)

The game torned ott to be just az 'entertainin' with Guisborough winnin'  a '7 goal thriller', by 4 goals to 3!
Az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' in an orlier article (see below!), we (once again!) missed a goal at the start of the 2nd half, scored by Guisborough, az we were still in the clubhoose at the time! <(we must have missed a 100 goals ower the years because of this!)
STEVE 'BULLY' BULL SCORES FROM THE SPOT FOR 'THE BAD BLUE BOYS'!

A very 'entertainin day' in more ways than one!

The goals sequence:
Adam Gell (shot) 0-1 to Guisboro
David Coulson (heeder) 1-1
og Ben Cattanach 1-2
Liam McPhillips (heeder) 1-3
Dale Burrell (25yard shot) 2-3
Dan Earl (shot) 2-4
Steve Bull (pen) 3-4


Attendance: 200 (estimated)   

Saturday 15 November 2014

BLANKETY BLANK TIMES 4 !

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 15th November 2014
"I'M BACK AGAIN!"

For the fourth time this season so far, we find worsels withoot an NUFC game ower the weekend due to the International breaks and Monday neet futbaall! (3 times for Internationals and once for Mondays!)

This meeenz that we must find wor 'fix' somewhere else yet again, with 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' lookin' the best bet az they are at home to Guisborough Toon in a Northern Leegue encoontaa <(providin' their pitch haz recovered from the resent doonpours!?) (kick off '3 bells')

Next up for any of the Toon's teams iz a Resorve U21s home game in the Northumberland Senior Cup, against Team Northumbria on Tuesday neet.
And the best result will be a draw for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az the replay will be played @ Northumbria's Coach Lane groond next door to The NUFC trainin' groond---a groond we have nevaa seen the Toon play at! <(Hence--why we are prayin' for a draw!)

The forst team aren't in action again til next Saturday when we take on 'appy 'arry's Rag and Bone Men' from Shepherd's Bush (QPR!) @ St James' Park!

Shud the 'Bad Blue Boys' game be played, then we will bring yoo a report from there sometime tomorrow!--- but "beware!"---'The Geordie Times' normally misses the start of the 2nd half az we will still be drinkin' wor half time tipples az the game restarts and there iz the distinct possibility that we might miss a goal (or two!) when we stagger from the clubhoose back to wor standin' places nearest to the 18 yard box!

Friday 14 November 2014

P*SS POTTERS U21s 1 THE TOON U21s 2

Posted '2:10pm bells' Friday 14th November 2014
'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE???*** RYAN TAYLOR'S FREE KICK WINNER!

Last neet in front of a live telly audience <(of hundreds?) The Toon resorves ran oot 2-1 winners @ The Britannia Stadium.

Aall the goals were scored by Ryan Taylor!

He put us in front on the half hour mark but blotted hiz copybook by inadvertently slicin' the baall into hiz own net just before the break!

He made amends however in added time in the forst half, when he fired a spectacular free kick ower the 'P*ss Potts' goalie to clinch hiz 'hat-trick'? and the victory, which put us top of the Resorve Leegue!

Attendance: Divvint naa?  (Sky telly audience: 100s!) 

Thursday 13 November 2014

"EEEEEE!"--- "THE RESORVES ARE ON THE TELLY!" *** "AND SO ARE THE SPARTANS AND THE HEEDBANGERS!"

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday 13th November 2014

With the forst team oot of action til a week on Saturday due to yet anothaa International break, we torn wor attention to wor U21 resorve side managed by 'Pedro' Beardsley.

They play away toooneet @ The Britannia Stadium, Stoke in wot iz now a live telly game!? >(beleeeve it or not!?) (SKY Sports 2 @ '7:30 bells')
This game waz switched from Moss Rose, Macclesfield because of this---thus denyin' 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' of anothaa obsolete venue to chalk off the list!

Then next Tuesday we take on Team Northumbria in The Northumberland Senior Cup @ Blue Flames, Benton (aka Whitley Park)---Anothaa game we expected to 'be switched' and take place @ Team Northumbria's groond next door!---but wasn't! <(thus denyin' us yet anothaa new venue!) <("Despicable!")

 
And taalkin of 'live telly', two more forst team game kick off times have been moved:
We now play Sooothampton on SKY @ SJP @ '5:30 bells' on Saturday 17th January <(that will pleeze their fans who will now be unable to get back home on the train!) and then @ 'Broken Nose Bruces's Tiger Lillys', who we now play away @ '12:45 bells' (SKY) on Saturday 31st January.

And then!----on FA Cup 2nd roond weekend, 'The Spartans of Blyth' take on 'The Monkey Hangers of Hartlepool' (Friday 5th December @ 7:55 bells' on 'The Beeb') And then!--- 2 days later on Sunday, 'The Heedbangers of Gatesheed' take on 'Warrington Wanabeez'? in a 'high noon bells' shoot oot @ The International Stadium on BT

In between this (by the way!) WE have a live telly game @ 12:45 bells' on the Saturday against 'The Pensioners of Chelski' (BT) @ SJP!

Monday 10 November 2014

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 0 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:11am bells' Monday 10th November 2014

"FIVE IN A ROW!"
THE TOON (in blue & green) ATTACK 'THE SMETHWICK END'
DURIN' THE 2nd HALF (View from row AA seat 38)

Unbeleeevibleee we have now won five games 'on the spin' which iz in total contrast to the start of the season when we had the joint worst record in British leegue futbaall (with Bornley) with NE wins oot of SEVEN and sat firmly at the foot of the table just a few short weeks ago in September!

Against a lack lustre West Brom side we didn't get oot of the blocks straight away and the forst hour of the game waz like gannin back to the dark days of September!
VIEW OF THE 'TINY' MAIN STAND

Then bang on the stroke of half time up stepped Perez to back-heel the baall into the Baggie Troosers net to give us the lead!
To be honest, aa couldn't tell who'd scored or indeed that it waz a back-heel, az the goal waz scored at the far end of the pitch from us and it waz hard to make oot!
The tannoy announcer told us that number 17 had scored for The Toon, namely 'Perez' and it wasn't til later on that neet that we foond oot just how good the 'wondergoal' waz on 'Match of the Day'! <(mebeez we shud stop at home and watch it on the telly next time?) <(not!)
THE TOON ATTACK 'THE BORMINGHAM ROAD END' (1st HALF)

Wor view of wor 2nd goal however, waz in complete contrast, reet in front of us, when Janmaat crossed from the right and 'Fab' Coloccini waz there to heed a brilliant and unstoppable effort into the corner of the net, to send the 2,700 Toon faithful into raptures!

'The Baggies' (and their fans!) had given up by this time and it waz just a matter of windin' the clock doon to claim the 3 points and wor 5th victory in a row. By the time the match ended the home sections were virtually empty az we celebrated wildleee on the terraces!---From bottom to 8th top!---Wot a difference a month makes!---tooo true!

P45DEW?---We resorve wor judgement! <(wot fickle bustards we are!)

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini (Williamson 78), Dummett, Haidera, Abeid, Colback, Sissoko, Sammy Ameobi (Gouffran 78), Cabella (Ryan Taylor 82), Perez

Attendance: 26,476 (2,700 happy Toon fans!)
THE PRE-MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!
(WE CAN ANLY APOLOGISE FOR THE '2 INDIVIDUALS' WHO
REFUSED TO GET OOT OF THE WAY AND COMPLEETLEE SPOILT
'THE GEORDIE TIMES'Z' PHOTO OF THE BAR!)


Saturday 8 November 2014

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE GAME @ BLUE FLAMES!

Posted '2:07pm bells' Saturday 8th November 2014

'The Geordie Times' haz some very disappointin' news to tell yoo, wor loyal reeders and groundhoppers!

It iz aalmost certain that wor Northumberland Senior Cup tie against Team Northumbria WON'T be switched to the university sides groond (az waz expected!) but will be played @ 'Blue Flames' (aka Whitley Park) instead on Tuesday 18th November! (kick off '7:30 bells') 

This iz a huge 'body blow' to the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' coz we have of course been to 'Blue Flames' many times before, but have NEVAA seen an NUFC side play @ Coach Lane Sports Groond which iz just 'next door'!  < ("ONE DAY, MEBEEZ!?")

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS v THE TOON *** SUNDAY DINNATIME!

Updated '10:11am bells' Saturday 8th November 2014
ACTION FROM THE HAWTHORNS LAST JANUARY *** WE LOST 1-0
(TOON ARE IN YELLOW)

The fireworks are ower so it iz now 'wor turn' to see if we can 'rocket' up to the top half of the table and add to wor 'four in a row' winnin streak and beat 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom on Sunday, which iz a live telly game @ '1:30 bells'

Don't lets get carried away however, coz like aa said aboot the Man City away game last week, 'this iz NUFC and anything can happen'!

Aall 2,700 tickets for the away end have not suprizingly been sold and at the price of just £15 for big kids and just 'A FIVER' for sprogs and zimmerframeites <(and aa include meesel this time az concessions start at 60!) it's the bargain of the season!
(Contrast this with wor next away game after this against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham, when aa must pay £43 for the 'priviledge'? of standin' near the corner flag behind the goal!)

Stat attack: Whereaz we haveent had a penalty for 30 games, WBA have had 2 in their last 4 games!
We are neck and neck with them in the table with 13 points each!
So far this season 'The Baggies' have 'bagged' just one win @ The Hawthorns in the Premyaa Leegue!

HISTORY: Wor 1st ever meetin' took place 116 years ago when NUFC won 3-0 @ St James' Park in front of 16,000 on 3rd December 1898 with Andy Aitkin, Jock Peddle and Joe Rogers scorin wor goals <(remember them?)
Away, wor 1st meetin' took place @ Stoney Lane on April Fools Day 1899 when we lost 2-0 in front of a 2,304 crowd
Leegue and Cups: Played 122, won 46, drawn 32, lost 44

Squad news: Papiss Cisse iz expected to play while Rolando Aaarons iz a doubt. Gabriel Obertan, Davide Santon and Seim De Jong are aall 'crocked'! 

Friday 7 November 2014

FA YOUTH CUP **** "IT'S MILLWAALL AWAY!"

Posted '11:11pm bells' Friday 7th November 2014
"HERE!"

'Joyous news' haz just filtered through to 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' @ 'The Geordie Times', that we have drawn Millwaall away in the FA Youth Cup thord roond!---'The New Den' ne less!---a groond that we have nevaa ever been te before!

We are not 100% sure just when (or indeed for certain, just where!) the tie will definitely be played, but it must be played by 20th December.

We've done wor 'detective work' and Millwaall play Bolton at home in a Championship game on Friday 19th December (in wot we assume iz a live telly game!?) which leaves the followin' day 'free' for a match at 'The New Den'!

Millwaall have just started playin' their resorve games @ Princes Park, the home of Dartford FC and this could aalso be a possible venue for the tie! (anothaa groond that we that we have nevaa been te of course!)
"OR HERE!"

'The Geordie Times' will of course keep YOO wor loyal reeedership informed of any developments and will let yoo naa straight away the date and venue when we find oot!---watch this space az per usual!

FA YOUTH CUP DRAW *** TOOODAY!

Posted '11:10am bells' Friday 7th November 2014

The draw for the thord roond of the FA Youth Cup takes place today and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have the moothwaaterin prospect of quite a few new groonds to visit, shud the draw be 'kind to us!?

Theeze include: MK Dons, Wealdstone, Oxford United, Royston, Rochdale, Fleetwood, Shrewsbury, Colchester, AFC Wimbledon and Barnet's new groond!

Wor preferred option iz ROCHDALE or FLEETWOOD az theeeze are the anly groonds in Lancashire that we have never visited---and of course it isn't tooo far to travel to theeze places eethaa!

We awaited the draw with fingers 'bitten to the bone' and will bring yoo it az soon az we find oot!  

Monday 3 November 2014

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE! *** TEAM NORTHUMBRIA v THE TOON U21s

Posted '11:02am bells' Monday 3rd November 2014

"YOUR STARTER FOR TEN!"
"THE TOON U21s UNVEIL THEIR NEW DEFENSIVE LINE UP?"
"WHO'S THE GADGIE IN THE TIE THOUGH?"

 

NUFC U21 resorve side have drawn university side Team Northumbria @ home in The Northumberland Senior Cup with the tie due to be played by the end of November!

Rumour haz it that the tie could??? be switched to Team Northumbria's ground which iz just roond the corner from wor Benton trainin' base!

A groond that The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers have nevaa seen The Toon play on!!!!----we can anly wait 'with baited breath' to see if that iz the case!? <(watch this space to find oot!)


Meeenwhile!: Tooneet the resorve U21 squad make a rare visit to HQ when they take on The Hazbeenz and Villians U21s in a '7 bells' start!

Admission iz via The East Stand az per usual in theeze games!

Updated Tuesday:

The Toon won 5-2 with goals from Callum Roberts, two from Adam Armstrong, Haris Vuckic and Dan Barlaser.

Attendance @ St James' Park: 576

Sunday 2 November 2014

JOHN 'THE UNDERTAKER' R.I.P.

Posted '11:20am bells' Sunday 2nd November 2014

The private funeral of John 'The Undertaker' finally took place on Friday, some three and a half months after flight MH17 waz shot doon ower the Ukraine.

The funeral waz kept quiet with no notices  in the local papers, so anly close friends and family knew about it!

Hiz funeral service waz held at The West Road Crematorium in The Toon and to throw the press, paparazzi and TV 'off the scent' someone told them that the funeral waz to be held at Saltwell Cremetorium in Gateshead! (John lived in the Deckham area of Gateshead)

It worked az thankfully to the relief of hiz family and friends no TV or paparazzi torned up!

Afterwards we aall went back to 'The Bobby Robson Suite' @ St James' Park for a few drinks in hiz memory!
R.I.P John --- You (and Liam) will never be forgotten by us!

Saturday 1 November 2014

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS *** TOODAY @ '12:45 BELLS'!

Posted 9:45am bells' Saturday 1st November 2014
ACTION FROM LAST SEASONS GAME @ SJP--- A 2-2 DRAW


In just 3 hours time we take on The Liverbirds in a Premyaa Leegue encounter @ St James' Park and we (amazingleee!) are gannin for wor FOURTH win 'on the bounce' followin' on from wor famous victory ower The Blue Moonies of Mancland last Wednesday!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow----must dash now!----gannin oot 'on the hoy' for some orly 'liquid lubrications' before the dinnaatime start!

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST