Sunday 31 March 2013

THE PULIS P*SS POTTS RESORVES v THE TOON RESORVES ***THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated '7:15am bells' April Fools Day 2013
STOKE'S TRAININ' GROOND
"BUT WILL WE GET IN?"

This afternoon @ Stoke's trainin' groond, wor U21 resorves take on theirs, in a BEHIND CLOSED DOORS Premyaa Leegue resorve game!

Aftaa wot happened to us @ Motspur Park, London, when we failed to gain admittance to a BCD game between Fulham resorves and the Toon resorves, aa said aa wouldn't try it again, az we were forced to watch the game through a fence and some trees ootside the groond! (see ground number 285 NOT!)  in 'The Archive Section' in the tool-bar @ the top of the page!)

However!---because this could be mee 299th groond watchin' the Toon, it would mean that wor game at the 'propaa' Stadium of Light in Lisbon this Thorsday against Benfica would bee mee 300th, if aa 'did' todays game!<(and wot a place to 'de it'!)

And so THREE of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are gannin' doon in less than an hours time @ '8 bells' to 'attempt' to get in!---but will we succeed, when we failed last time?
Well!--we have 'continjunsee plans'<(Geordie Times spellin'!) in place and hopefully we will be successful this time!?

The game kicks off @ '2 bells' and we shud be back by late tooneet, which of course iz 'April Fools Day'! and if we divvint get in, then we will be 'the fools of the day'!

WATCH THIS SPACE TOONEET TO FIND OOT WOT HAPPENED!

WELCOME TO THE MANC 'NON PUB CRAWL'!***NAMED AND SHAMED!

Posted '12:35pm bells' Easter Sunday 31st March 2013
THE VICTORIA***NAMED AND SHAMED!***
NOT OPEN @ '11:05 BELLS'
"BOO!"

Before the match against 'The Blue Moonies' yesterday we 'attempted' to find a boozers that waz open beside the groond.
It waz 'five past eleven bells' when we made wor forst 'port o caall' @ 'The Victoria' which iz a ten minute waalk from the groond---but it waz SHUT!

The next 'attempt' waz a boozer we had been te before that waz on the main road to the groond---BUT!---it waz BOARDED UP!

It waz then onward past the groond heedin' towards the city centre where anothaa boozer WASN'T OPEN, namelee 'The Mitchell Arms '!
THE MITCHELL ARMS***NAMED AND SHAMED!***
NOT OPEN @ '11:20 BELLS'!
"BOO!"

Aftaa passin' TWO more boarded up boozers we made for the bars aroond the train station!
A bar caalled 'Monroes WAZ open---BUT!--the booncer on the door demanded that we show him wor MAN CITY season tickets or else we couldn't gan in!--Believe it or not?-- we DIDN'T HAVE ANY 'Blue Moonies' season tickets between us and he wouldn't let us in!

MONROES***NAMED AND SHAMED!***
'BLUE MOONIES' ANLY!
"BOO!"

WE EVENTUALLY got wor forst 'liquid refreshments' @ ONE MINUTE PAST 'HIGH NOON BELLS' in @ The Black Bull, but not before the booncer asked us where we were from!

THE BULLS HEED***SANCTUARY!***
BUT ANLY IF YI FROM NORTHAMPTON!
"HORRAY!"

One of wor party, namlee, 'Adam' (who waz asked the deadly question!) answered that he waz from Northampton and the booncer let us in! (he waz actually born there---so he waz tellin' the truth---even though he haz lived in the Toon most of his life!)<(so he wasn't lyin'!)
THE LASS OF GOWRIE***OPEN AALL HOURS!
NE BOONCERS!***
"HIP HIP HORRAY!"

It waz then onward to 'The Lass of Gowrie' and 'The Retro Bar' before hailin' a taxi to take us to the groond!<(ne booncers at theeze bars thankfully!)
RETRO BAR***OPEN AALL HOURS!
NE BOONCERS***CHEAPEST PINT SO FAR!
"HIP HIP HIP HORRAY!" 

A city the size of Manchester and NE boozers open @ '11 bells' anywhere between The City of Mancs Stadium and the city centre!---(a good half hours waalk away!) UNBELEEEVIBLE!

THE BLUE MOONIES 4 THE TOON 0 ***"TOTALLY UNDERWHELMING!"

Posted '10:30am bells' Easter Sunday 31st March 2013

"TIERS OR TEARS!?"
VIEW FROM ROW 'U' LOWER TIER!

Aall the hype in the 'Ronny-Gill' through the week from wor players, warnin' that: "City had better watch out!" and: "We'll finish off your title dreams!", etc! etc!, aall torned oot to be 'hot air' az we put in an absolutleee abysmal performance at 'The City of Mancs Stadium'

'City' were at wor throats from the word 'go' and attacked the end where we were housed in the forst half.
We on the othaa hand with wor 'patched up side' (coz of injuries) were totally inept and it waz anly a matter of time before the home team scored.

A'd mentioned this to the aad gadgie who waz standin' beside me and 'hey presto!' just two minutes later they were in the lead when Tevez poked in, in the 41st minute.
It waz soon 2-0 when on the stroke of half time Silva shot past Elliot in the Toon goal to put the game beyond us!<(aalready!)
The anly 'highlight'? of note from wor point of view in this half, waz when Cisse hit the post from an accute angle! 

The second half waz a 'damage limitation exersise' az to how many we would concede due to 'The Blue Moonies' domination!

WE came oot with 'aall guns firerin' at the start with Cabaye and Cisse gannin close, but that's 'az good az it got' and aa spent most of this half starin' at the seat in front of me, rathaa than 'the fare' we were puttin' on, on the pitch such waz wor performance!


It waz soon 3-0 when a Kompany deflection beat Elliot in the 56th minute and we wondered then, just how many more the home side would get!?
Thankfully it waz just 'one'! when in the 69th minute a shot deflected off James Perch and into the net at the far end from us.

We then watched the clock 'tick doon' hopin' that wor goal difference wouldn't be forthaa dented in wot torned oot to be wor biggest ever defeat at the COMS

The home fans had tried to 'take the p*ss by singin' "You only sold one tier!"<(of seats)
This of course iz because of NUFCs 'policy'? of anly takin' the MIMIMUM number of away tickets available!?<(it's embarassin'!)
(Lets hope it's not the othaa 'TEARS' at the end of the season!)

Othaa results that went against us, meeen that we are once again hoverin' above 'the abyss', just three points above the trap-door!

Toon team: Elliot, Simpson, Yanga, Steve Taylor, Gutierrez, Anita, Cabaye (Bigiramana 74), Gouffran (Gosling 63), Sissoko, Obertan (Perch 46), Cisse

Attendance: 47,201 (2,000 Toon fans<"we anly sold one tier!") 

The gadgie on 'Radio 5 Live' on the way back best summed wor performance up!
"Newcastle were TOTALLY underwhelming!", he said!

Saturday 30 March 2013

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON ***THIS AFTERNOOON!

Updated 7:45am bells' Saturday 30th March 2013
ACTION FROM THE COMS LAST SEASON
(We lost 3-1!)

We must now torn wor attention away from wor European exploits in Lisbon next week and concentrate on the Leegue when we take on the current champions<(but not for much langer!) @ 'The City of Manchester Stadium' this afternoon @ '3 bells'

Oot of TWENTY THREE competitive away games in England, Wales and Europe we have won just az many in the Ukraine az we have in England (ONE a piece!)
So the omens arnt lookin' good today, especially az the home side have conceded just ELEVEN goals aall season @ the 'COMS'---the lowest tally in 'The Premyaa' and we have NEVER won at their place in EIGHT attempts since they moved from Maine Road!

We'll be leavin' in 'The Caped Crusader's' 'Batmobile' for the drive past the 'Little House on the Prairie', (which sits in the middle of the M62 motorway on the top of the Pennines) in less than an hours time!

In othaa news: John Carver haz received a thoosand poond fine for hiz protest @ the Wigan game the othaa week when Massadio Haidara waz horrifically tackled by Callum McManaman<(who haz received absolutleee ne punishment whatsoever!)

Despite McManaman's 'promise'? to apologise to Haidara for hiz horror knee tackle, he haz failed do so, so far!<(SHAME ON YOO!)
(We understand that Haidara iz makin' canny progress!)<(get well soon mate!)

Match report to follow eethaa late toneet or orly tomorrow mornin'!

Friday 29 March 2013

"4,000 THANKYOOOZ TO AALL WOR REEEDERS FROM THE FOWER CORNERS OF THE GLOBE!" ("AND BEYOND!")

Posted '2:40pm bells' Friday 29th March 2013

'The Geordie Times' haz just reached new heights of excellence!

For just FOWER minutes ago we received wor FOWER THOOSANDTH PAGEVIEW this month so far, which iz a NEW world record for us!--and we thank each and everyone of yoo on the planet Orth (and beyond!) for supportin' this NUFC mad-sad groundhoppin' website!
The previous best waz in January this year with 3,884 hits.

The top ten countries are az follows:

UK 29,941 (England,Scotland,N. Ireland& Wales)
USA 9,471
Ukraine 2,185
Jawmany 1,188
The Guinness Republic 943
Rushaa 808
"mee old"-China 699
Greece 682
Spain 627
France 430

That meeenz that a staggerin' total of 27,631 pageviews are from owerseas!

A total of 134 countries and territories (plus Mars!) have now viewed this site with the latest bein' Afganistan and Sudan!

Of course! othaa NUFC websites are more popular like nufc.com and the club's official site who both get tens of thoosands of hits per DAY!

But remember wot they say aboot little acorns!---they're NOT very big ---are they!?

And remember wor motto az well!:
"We'll bring yoo, wor loyal reeeders the latest NUFC news, second hand, forst!"

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"---
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"


Thursday 28 March 2013

BENFICA AWAY TICKETS***LATEST! ***DEADLINE ON MONDAY!

Updated '11:15am bells' Friday 29th March 2013
"THE ONE (AND ANLY!) STADIUM OF LIGHT!"

We understand that so far 3,000 of the 5,000 tickets we have been allocated for wor Europaa Leegue game in Lisbon next Thorsday @ 'The PSOL' ('Propaa' Stadium Of Light'!) have now been snapped up with the rest now on sale to the general public and Joe Bloggs!
The deadline for ticket sales iz next MONDAY @ '5 bells'!---so be quick if yi havvent aalready got one! 

We aalso understand that wor derby game against the SMBs  @ St James' next month iz (hardly suprizingleee!) a complete selloot!---az iz wor crucial away game on Saturday against 'The Blue Moonies of Mancland'

Wednesday 27 March 2013

"ITS DEFINATLEEE 'APRIL FOOLS DAY' NEXT MONDAY FOLKS!"

Updated '7:05pm bells' Thorsday 28th March 2013
Clayton Wood trainin' groond, Stoke
"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION!?"

'The Geordie Times' NUFC club sauce haz just informed us that next Monday's resorve game @ Nantwich against Stoke's second string MIGHT? now be played @ Stoke's trainin' groond instead az Nantwich have a home game against Witton just ONE HOUR after wor game there waz supposed to start @ '2 bells'!<(it had been aalready been moved from '7 bells' in the evenin'!)

We understand that IF it takes place @ their trainin' groond then the kick off time will remain @ '2 bells'!--
However!---we divvint naa if it will be played 'behind closed doors' and are movin' heaven and orth to find oot!?

We will of course inform yoo, wor loyal reeeders of any more changes!?
It IZ 'APRIL FOOLS DAY' on Easter Monday by the way!

(see related articles below!)


"APRIL FOOL!" ***THE RESORVE GAME @ NANTWICH IZ NOW A '2 BELLS' KICK OFF!

Posted '10:15am bells' Wednesday 27th March 2013

'THE P*SS POTTS RESORVES' v 'THE TOON RESORVES'

We've just had word from wor 'secret' NUFC club insider that wor resorve game against 'The Pulis P*ss Potts resorves of Stoke' on April Fools Day will now DEFINATLEEE kick off @ 'TWO BELLS' in the afternoon @ The Weaver Stadium, Nantwich and NOT 'seven bells' that neet, az haz been stated!<(wethaa permittin' of course!)

We have ne idea wetha Nantwich will play Witton on the same day az advertised on their website!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this 'excluuusive' news forst, in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!

PS: We NEVA got a reply to wor 'e-mail' we sent to Nantwich!

(see related story below!) 

Monday 25 March 2013

"NANTWICH!---NANTWICH!---HERE WE COME!" ***OR NOT! AZ THE CASE MAY BE?

Posted '2:45pm bells' Monday 25th March 2013
"TO BE OR NOT TO BE!---THAT IZ THE QUESTION!?"

The resorve U21s are due to play Stoke's equivalent on 'April Fools Day' next week @ The Weaver Stadium, Nantwich, where Stoke are playin' their resorve games. 
But lookin' @ Nantwich's website, they appear to have anotha game arranged on the same day against Witton Albion in a local derby match (Witton come from nearby Northwich)

We can anly assume one of two things!
Eethaa Nantwich are playin' Witton @ dinnertime (az it's Easter Monday), with wor game kickin' off @ '7:00 bells' in the evenin'?

However we carnt imagine eethaa Stoke or 'The Toon' agreein' to this arrangement, az shud the forst game be played, say, in heavy rain, then the pitch for the second game will be more like a quagmire!

Aa've sent a frantic 'e-mail' to Nantwich to see if the above iz true----but divvint haad yi breath!

If the game IZ played on April Fools Day then 'yours trueleee' will be there and clock up groond number 299, with the Benfica away game the followin' Thorsday neet @ the "PROPAA" Stadium of Light in Lisbon, seein' me reach 'the holy grail' of 300 groonds followin' 'The Toon'---which would be a brilliant place to de it!

However!--shud the Stoke game be moved to the followin' day for example, then aa would be unable to gan because of an appointment that carnt be changed!

'The mad-sad groundhopper' awaits 'norvouslee' and with 'trepidation' for Nantwich Toon to reply to my 'e-mail'!

Watch this space!

Sunday 24 March 2013

GEORDIE TIMES WORLD EXCLUUUSIVE! ***CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES CANCELLED!

Posted '12:20pm bells' Sunday 24th March 2013

The Geordie Times haz just lorned from wor secret undercover club 'sauce' >>> 
that wor U21s and U18s games due to be played @ Norwich's trainin' groond tomorrow afternoon have been POSTPONED due to the bad wethaa sweepin' that part of East Anglia!

So if yoo were thinkin' of gannin'?---DIVVINT!

REMEMBER!---yoo read this 'excluuusive' news forst in 'The Geordie Times'---'the unofficial' 'official' NUFC club website'!<(or shud that be the 'official' 'unofficial' website?) 

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Posted '11:30am beels' Sunday 24th March 2013

Great news for aall 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' that 'The Jellied Eeels Mob' from "eeest Landan" have been granted a 99 year lease to move into the Olympic Stadium have been annoonced---subject to a judicial review which Leyton Orient owner and 'snooker loopy' ontranipur<(Geordie Times spellin'!) Barry Hearn haz lodged to try and stop them movin' to 'their patch'!
However!--Hearn's protests look in vain and 'The Mob' look certain to move in by 2016!

Sporz new groond next to White Hart lane iz comin' on nicely and shud be completed by 2015, wheraz anotha London club, Crystal Palace are 'toyin' with the idea of movin' back to their origional home at 'Crystal Palace' athletics stadium where The Toon forst played in the 1905 FA Cup final!

Anotha new groond could be on the cards tomorrow afternoon, when The Toon resorves play 'The Canary Custards' resorves @ their Norwich trainin' groond @ '1:00 bells', but the bad wethaa could scupper theeze plans, plus! av got to work neetshift toneet and might not be able to make it anyway!<(there's aalways next season!)

And then on April Fools Day we are due to travel to Nantwich Toon where 'The P*ss Potts' of Stoke' play their resorve games and then of course later on that week we're off to Portugal to see The Toon play Benfica @ the 'PROPAA' and ANLY Stadium of Light!<(translated to 'Stadio da Luz' in their lingo!)

A 'good news week' for aall 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'!

Saturday 23 March 2013

THOZE WEARIN' TOON COLOURS IN WIGAN COSMOS SHAME!

Posted '3:00pm bells' Saturday 23rd March 2013

"OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

So caalled 'fans'? wearin' NUFC colours have made the heedlines in todays Daily Mail for aall the wrang reasons!

Last Sunday before wor game against 'The Blue Wigs', 250 to 300 of theeze dickheeds forced the abandonment of a Lancashire Sunday Leegue game between Wigan Cosmos and Leigh Centurions when they got off the coaches near to the stadium and desended onto the nearby futbaall pitch, where the game waz bein' played!
They procceded to invade the pitch, tried to break the crossbars doon, ripped the nets oot and stole the corner flags and match baall and because of this the game had to be abandoned!

NUFC have been in touch with them and magnanimously offered to let them play their abandoned game @ St James' Park @ the end of the season and to reimburse them for the damage done! (NUFC now have every excuse under the sun to say why they take the MINIMUM number of tickets for away games!)
This behaviour iz not wot we want to hear aboot but sadly hooliganism of this type haz NEVER gone away!
I for one will gladly gan to this game if it IZ replayed @ St James', in a show of solidarity for 'propaa futbaall fans'  

Grass roots futbaall iz sommik 'The Geordie Times' supports anyway---and indeed!--av' just foond oot that Dunston's game against Marske United in the Northern Leegue iz unexpectedly ON today and aa will be heedin' there for mee 'weekend futbaall fix' in a few minutes time!
(Aa'v missed the '3 bells' kick off ---but will still make the clubhoose for half time!)

Wigan Cosmos v Leigh Centurions!
---"Comin' soon to 'The Toon'!"

Friday 22 March 2013

BENFICA HOME AND AWAY TICKET SALES!

Posted '6:00pm bells' Friday 22nd March 2013

Tickets for both wor home game @ St James' and away game @ the REAL Stadium of Light against Benfica in the qwaata finals of the Europaa Leegue are now on sale to season ticket holders.

The away tickets are priced @ £26 through a dedicated online form and we understand that we have been allocated 5,000 tickets!
Zero loyalty points required! (Anly ONE ticket per season ticket application!)

Home tickets are priced from £5 for sprogs and zimmerframeites to £15 for ordinary 'plebs' seats and £20 for Platinum Club seats!

BLANKETY BLANK AGAIN!

Updated '11:30am bells' Friday 22nd March 2013

With yet anotha blank weekend in the Premyaa League due to those players on international duties (Rio Ferdinand exepted!) we find worsels with ne games to gan te once again!
Because of the freezin' conditions, plus rain and snow and god naaz wot else forecast ower the weekend?, it looks az though the local non leegue scene will be virtually wiped oot az well!

There IZ a game this mornin' @ Villa's Bodymoor Heath Trainin' Groond where wor U18s are in action against Villa's equivalent @ '11 bells'!
However!---heavy snow iz forecast and the game could be postponed at any moment!

'The mad-sad groundhoppers' were to be represented at this game (*but NOT me az av got ti gan to graft!), in the shape of 'The Caped Crusader' and 'Liam from the Lamp'<(that's the 'Big Lamp' on Westgate Road!) and they were due to set off @ '7 bells' for the Midlands!
HOWEVER!---'Liam from the Lamp' haz just contacted 'The Geordie Times' and haz told us that they HAVVENT travelled az the wetha forcast iz bad!<(bloody part timers!)

IF the game DOES gan aheed, we will of course bring yoo the result later today!

Then on Monday @'1:00 bells' the resorve U21s travel to Norwich's Trainin' groond to play their resorves and aa hope? to make this one instead az it ISN'T behind closed doors!<(wetha dependin'!)

*Mee policy on groondhoppin to trainin' groonds iz that aa can de them anytime in the future, for example, and they arnt a priority!<(unless the home team are to move somewhere else, forcin' me to 'de it' before it's too late!)

Updated '5:30pm bells'

The resorve Under 21s DID play after aall and beat 'The Hazbeens and Villians resorves 2-1 with wor goals comin' from Callum Roberts and Greg Olley! 



Thursday 21 March 2013

"THERE'S ANLY ONE STEVIE HARPER!"

Posted '3:25pm bells' Thorsday 21st March 2013

News that Stevie Harper iz to quit NUFC after a magnificent 20 years goalkeepin' stint iz indeed sad news for aall Toon fans.

Stevie iz a loyal servant to the club and haz never complained aboot bein' 2nd choice to Shay Given and then Tim Krul. Indeed Rob Elliot haz now owertaken him to become wor 2nd choice keeper and at 38 we believe that he still haz a few years left in him!

He iz the anly Toon player to feature in aall wor Premyaa Leegue seasons since 1993 az an 18 year old rookie!

In total he haz played in 155 Leegue games, plus 22 appearences in the FA and Leegue Cups and 20 in Europe, givin' him a grand total of 197 games under hiz belt!  
We @ 'The Geordie Times' wish him well for the future!

"THERE'S ANLY ONE STEVIE HARPER!"

Wednesday 20 March 2013

WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 20th March 2013

In the aftermath of 'Callous' McManaman's horror challenge on Massidio Haidara the front page of todays 'Ronny-Gill' and the back pages of 'The Daily Mail' SEZ IT AALL! 


THE BLUE MOONIES AWAY ***SOLD OOT AALREADY!

Posted '10:00am bells' Wednesday 20th March 2013

News that wor allocation of £49 tickets for wor away game @ The City of Mancs Stadium a week on Saturday have now sold oot!

Wor suspicion iz that we, yet again, have taken wor MINIMUM allocation az haz happened previously this season and that we will have just 2,000 in the lower tier of seats in The Sooth Stand. 
We suspect that we HAVENT  taken the 2,000 tickets available in the top tier behind the goal!<(we have in previous seasons!)

If we can sell 5,000 tickets for Wigan for a Sunday televised game<(Wigan allocate the whole end to away fans, whether you sell them or not!) then it's reasonable to assume that we could sell 4,000 for a game with a Saturday non televised '3 bells' kick off in the same area!

Once again we suspect that wor own club haz let us doon badly!<(we shall see!)

Tuesday 19 March 2013

THE F.A.!*****NOT FIT FOR PORPOISE! ***A RECTROSPECTIVE OPINION!

Posted '9:30pm bells' Tuesday 19th March 2013
Followin' the FA's decision today NOT to charge Callum McManaman with ANY offence after hiz disgraceful 'leg breakin' style' tackle on Massadio Haidrara durin' the Toon's game @ Wigan and the the disgraceful decision TO charge Toon coach John Carver for a mere VERBAL attack on McManaman at the half time interval, for the 'said' tackle, WE @ 'The Geordie Times' can anly come to ONE logical conclusion!

"THE  F.A.!"
"NOT FIT FOR PORPOISE!"  

THE TOON v THE SMBs ***HIGH NOON SHOOTOUT AGAIN!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 19th March 2013

Az expected the derby game against the SMBs haz been moved for the THORD time because of wor European commitments against Benfica&lt;("Er!"-"That's-the club who play in the 'propaa' Stadium of Light'!") and the game will now take place @ 'high noon bells' on Sunday 14th April @ St James Park, much to the annoyance of thoze who live 12 miles sooth of the Tyne!
"Ha! Ha!"

THREE BLIND MICE!

Posted '9:50am bells' Tuesday 19th March 2013

MARK HALSEY (centre of picture)
WITH HIZ TWO ASSISTANTS!)

Followin' the aftermath of the horrendous high knee tackle by 'Callous' McManaman which could have ended Massidio Haidara's career at Wigan the referee Mark Halsey claimed that he (and hiz two linesmen!) DIDN'T see it, despite bein' close to the incident!

He (and hiz two linesmen!), then claimed that deep into the 2nd half, he (or they) DIDN'T see a Shola effort come off the Wigan goalie and he gave a goal kick instead of a corner to us!

The baall from the goal kick then ended up at wor end of the field, which resulted in a blatent hand baall by a Wigan player, which, YET AGAIN! he claimed NOT to see (or indeed did hiz assistants, once more!) which resulted in the winnin' goal for them!

Can we respectevlee request that 'THE THREE BLIND MICE' of Halsey and hiz two linesmen get themsels off to SAVERSPECS forthwith for a comprehensive eye test!

We then had 'The Blue Wigs' manager Martinez ridiculouslee claimin' that he DIDN'T see the Haidara incident? and in fact that McManaman wazn't like that<("OH YES HE IZ!")

The Wigan owner Dave Whelan (who MUST have had tooo many 'G&T's before the game!) then butted in and said that in hiz opinion it waz A FAIR TACKLE! and that McManaman waz a 'nice lad reeely'!<("OH NO ISN'T!")

Me finx that aall FIVE of them shud gan to SAVERSPECS together!

If Mcmanaman HAD been sent off, then surelee we would have won the game and been TWELVE points clear of danger.
Instead we find worsels just SIX above 'the abyss' thanx to THREE horrendous 'blind mice' errors by the officials!

Thankfully Haidara's leg wasn't broken, but he haz (not suprizingly) suffered severve knee ligament damage and bruisin' and iz likely to be oot for a very lang time! 

PS: former ref Graham Poll reckons that Halsey shud 'pack in refereein' forthwith after this performance!<(I naa of 5,000 people who were in the visitors end @ Wigan, who will heartily agree with him!)

Monday 18 March 2013

THE BLUE WIGS 2 THE TOON 1

Posted '8:35am bells' Monday 18th March 2013
THE TOON (in lime green) ATTACK THE BLUE WIGS
GOAL IN THE 2nd HALF (view from row 'K')

Within the last week we have won two games in dramatic style in the last minutes of games but this time the boot<(or shud taht be 'hand'?) waz on the otha 'foot' when The Blue Wigs grabbed a last minute winner in controversial fashion!

The main taalkin point of the match of course waz the absolutely horrendous 'leg break' tackle on Massadio Haidera by Wigan's Callum McManaman in the forst half!
He wasn't even booked by blind referee Halsey and after lenghthy treatment Haidara waz stretchered off with a suspected broken leg!
And no!--we didnt even get a free kick from this and there waz fury at half time az coach John Carver tried to 'get at' McManaman az the players left the pitch!
In between aall this the home side had taken the lead when a defensive error by Santon gave Beausejour the simplest of chances to poke the baall into the net!

ACTION FROM THE FAR END IN THE 1st HALF

The equaliser came in the 72nd minute when Santon made amends for hiz forst half error when he waz put through and he placed his shot nicely into the right hand corner of the net to send the 5,000 Toon fans behind that goal wild!

It wasnt to be wor day though and a blatent hand baall at the far end from us from a Wigan corner in the 90th minute of the game, saw the baall drop to Kone's feet and he had the simple task of stabbin' the baall home to break wor hearts!---and send us to within six points of 'the abyss'!---we played in wor horrendous lime green 'hi viz' strip az well---it just wasnt wor day!

Toon team: Elliot, Debuchy <(Haidera 13)<(Perch 26), Steve Taylor, Yanga, Santon, Gutierrez, Tiote, Marveaux, Sissoko, Gouffran (Shola Ameobi 67), Cisse

Attendance: 22,297 (highest of season) (5,000 very angry Toon fans!) 

Sunday 17 March 2013

THE BLUE WIGS v THE TOON ***THIS AFTERNOOOON!

Posted '7:40am bells' Sunday 17th March 2013

We must now torn wor attention away from wor Europaa Leegue exploits for a couple of weeks and concentrate on wor Leegue form, when today @ '4:00 bells' we take on The Blue Wigs' @ The JJB Stadium<(it's origional name)
ACTION FROM WOR GAME @ THE JJB
LAST SEASON (WE ARE IN ORANGE)
(WE LOST 4-0!)

We are still not mathematically save from 'the abyss', but a win would take us well clear and up to mid table, and 12 points clear of wor opponents today, who lie in 3rd bottom place!
It haz been conformed by NUFC that Ben Arfa will be oot for the rest of the season with a hamstring injury and that Yohan Cabaye will aalso be missin' because of a groin strain.

Results on Saturday were again mixed, but we are still 9 points above the drop zone!

We leave in less than an hours time @ 8:30 bells' this mornin' in 'The Caped Crusaders' 'Batmobile' for the 'delights' of the two social clubs not too far from the groond!

There will of course be a full 'Geordie Times' 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match report orly on Monday mornin'<(or late tooneet if aa have the time!?)

Saturday 16 March 2013

'WACKO JACKO JIVERS' GAME MOVED!

Updated '11:30am bells' Saturday 16th March 2013

"SOMEWHERE OOTSIDE
CRAVEN COTTAGE!"

Because of wor continued involvement in the Europaa Leegue ,wor home game against 'The Wacko Jacko Jivers of Fulham' haz been moved back a day to Sunday 7th April with a '3 bells' kick off time.

Because we are playin' Benfica <("the team from the 'propaa' Stadium of Light!") @ home on Thorsday 11th April, wor home derby game against the SMBs iz aalso expected to be moved back a day because of this, to Sunday 14th April, much to the annoyance of thoze who live 12 miles sooth of the Tyne! ---"Ha!-Ha!"

*For a full list of NUFC fixtures and results, gan to tool bar at the top of the page and 'click' onto 'NUFC fixtures 2012-13'

Friday 15 March 2013

MIRACLES DE HAPPEN!---IT'S BENFICA @ THE 'REAL' STADIUM OF LIGHT!

Updated '10:05pm bells' Friday 15th March

"THE 'PROPAA' STADIUM OF LIGHT!"

"THE DREAM DRAW!"

Against aall the odds we've got wor wish and will play Benfica in the qwaata finals of the Europaa Leegue @ THE STADIUM OF LIGHT in Lisbon on Thorsday 4th April with the retorn leg on Thorsday 11th April @ St James'!

"THE ONE AND 'ANLY' STADIUM OF LIGHT!"

It waz a norve rackin' affair az the draw waz made live on uefa.com, az aa watched mee computaa screen, prayin' that we wouldn't get Lazio of Italy, az that game at their place would be behind closed doors because of previous crowd trouble in Rome!<(and end 'The Geordie Times' run of 111  competitive European games in a row!)
"THE 'ORIGIONAL' STADIUM OF LIGHT!"

Other ones to avoid included Ruban Kazan from Rushaa az we would need to apply for another visa, Fenerbache because it's 'mental' oot there and Sporz and Chelski coz we've been there many times before of course!

Add on the fact that we'd been to Basel in Switzerland and got the 't shirt' a few years ago, meant that the ANLY decent draw we could get waz Benfica of Portugal, az we'd never been there before for a match, plus the fact that they play at the origional and anly Stadium of Light in Lisbon!

Ex Toon 'flop' Patrick Klievert made the draw live in Nyon in Switzerland and forst oot the 'hat' waz the Chelski 'baall' and they were drawn against Ruban Kaban.
Then came Sporz who were drawn against Basel and the next 'baall' waz Fenerbache of Torkey!

With anly three teams left to draw now, aa had 'nightmare visions' of gettin' Lazio in the last match---BUT!--- az lady luck would have it, Lazio were drawn oot of the hat next to play Fenebache!----which meant of course (when the realisation set in!) that with anly two 'baalls' left to draw, that we would get wor dream draw of Benfica @ The Stadium of Light!----"Get in---Get in!", aa shouted at the computtaa screen, like a three year old kid gettin' hiz forst 'bike', az Klievert picked the penultimate baall oot of the 'hat'!

It waz Benfica, which of course meant that WE were the last 'baall' left, which Klievert 'pretended' not to naa?--and suprize!---suprize!--- it 'WAZ' US!---away leg forst and at home last!---the MIRACLE draw!---AND a 'brand new groond' to boot!
"THE 'REAL' STADIUM OF LIGHT!"

"YAHOOOO!"

THE GEORDIES 1 THE MAKHACHKEMS 0

Posted '10:40am bells' Friday 15th March 2013
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END
(View from row 'Y' Leazes middle tier)

A fabulous bullet heeder and the last 'kick' of the game sealed this tie in dramatic style when Demba Cisse heeded home @ The Leazes End after he got onto the end of a fabulous cross from 'Marveaux the Magician' to 'congure up' a place in the qwaata finals of the Europaa Leegue!

It was nil-nil up til this point and extra time looked a cortainty and the prospect of havin' 'ne time for a drink' after the game filled me with dread az a penalty 'shoot out' looked on the cards!

'The Makhachkems' had started off the brighter of the two sides in this the forst ever 'Tyne/Dagestan derby' @ St James!<(whey!---there's anly three thoosand miles distance between the two clubs!) and worryingly they had a few chances which they thankfully didn't convort.

'The Geordies' on the otha hand took a while to get gannin' and in torms of possession in the forst half the visitors 'nicked it'!


THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END


WE started off the brighter though in the second period and went close orly on when 'The Sissoko Kid' heeded just ower on a couple of occasions.
Steve Taylor then had a great chance to put us aheed but he 'fluffed it' and the stalemate continued!
And then the tornin' point came in the 55th minute when Anzi defender Gonzalez waz sent off for a second bookable offence, when he fouled Haidara and the Jawman referee showed him the red card!

We then went on the offensive<(we naa aall the big words!) and had numorous chances to win it

But Anzi nearly won it late on when a fabulous strike from Bossoffara<(hope av spellt this reet?) hit the bar @ The Gallowgate End with Rob Elliot in wor goal, beaten!

And then the most dramatic finale of aall!
After Cisse scored hiz bullet heeder he kicked the advertisin' board behind the goal in unbridled joy, nearly breakin' hiz foot in the process, az the 45,000 plus crowd went balllisssticcc!

The Jawman ref didn't even restart the game az Cisse had scored in the very last second! (93 minutes and 2 seconds to be precise!)

More importantly, with ne extra time or penalties, aa now had time for a few 'liquid refreshments' in The Companions Club after the game, before catchin' the last bus yem!

We were through to todays draw in an hours time and we will take on ANYBODY apart from Lazio, az they must play their home leg behind closed doors, with ne chance of us gettin' in!
(Er!---divvint want Ruban eetha, coz we'll have to apply those dreaded Rushan visas again!---or! Fenebache of Torkey coz it's tooo dangerous!)

Toon team: Elliot, Santon, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Haidara, Anita (Campbell 71), Tiote, Cabaye (Gutierrez 36), Marveaux, Sissoko, Cisse

Attendance: 45,487 (300 or so 'Makhachkems')


The draw for the qwaata finals will take place after the Champions Leegue draw @ '11:00 bells' this mornin', with the Europaa League draw due to start aroond aboot an hours time @ '11:40 bells'!

Teams we would like to draw are in GOLD!---teams we divvint want are in PINK! 

Ruban Kazan of Rushaa<(No thanx!---visas required again!)

Basel of Switzerland<(No thanx!---been here before---got the t shirt!)

Sporz of London<(No thanx!---been here this season aalready!)
Benfica of Portugal<(YES PLEEEEZE!---The REAL and ANLY Stadium of Light!)

Chelski of London<(No thanx!---again---been here this season!)

Fenebache of Torkey<(No thanx!---too dangerous!)

Lazio of Italy <(No thanx!---behind closed doors!)

So that narrows it doon then!?

WE WILL OF COURSE LET YOO NAA WHO WE GET AND WOR REACTION ASAP!


Wednesday 13 March 2013

THE GEORDIES v THE MAKHACHKEMS ***TOONEET!

Updated '4:45pm bells' Thorsday 14th March 2013






Tooneet, in less than fower hours time @ '8:05 bells' we take on 'The Anzi Pansies' of Makachkala who hail from the Dagestan region of Rushaa, in the 2nd leg of this 'last 16 roond' of the Europaa Leegue.
The adrenalin iz startin' to pump az aa write this and dreams of an Amsterdam final in May are in mee heed!



A goal-less draw in Moscow last Thorsday gives US the advantage, but think back to the last roond when we drew 0-0 with Karkiv @ St James' to give THEM the advantage for the 2nd leg in the Ukraine, anly for Shola to 'pinch it' with the anly goal of the tie to send US through against the odds!

And divvint forget that the game in Moscow waz played at a 'neutral' venue because of unrest in war torn Dagestan ower a thoosand miles away!

That waz on a plastic pitch az well of course and a'm sure that wor multi millionaire opponents will put up a better show on grass and that this tie iz far from a foregone conclusion in wor favour!

We on the other hand are able to send oot a full strength team az we are now nine points above the abyss in the Premyaa Leegue and are favourites to progress to the qwaata finals!

Dont know wot the crowd will be but, if we divvint get 40,000, I for one will be disappointed in wot iz wor biggest game for a lang time!
(We've hord that 40 Anzi fans will travel from Dagestan, plus a fortha 400 'I'-'I's<(work it oot!) who are livin' in the UK!)

Az we speak we have hord that aall the lower section seats have now sold oot which holds a total of aroond 37,000 and they are now sellin' seats for The Leazes End 'upper' level 7 corner!

It shud be noted that because flares and green smoke bombs were set off by irresponsible toe-rags with 'half  sheeps brains' in previous Europaa Leegue ties,<(apologeez to any sheep readin' this---ne offence intended!) that yoo will be searched before yi gan in, which meeenz (of course!) that it will take yoo langer to reach your seat!---so it iz advisable to leave the boozer yoo are drinkin' in, much orlier, to make the kick off!<(and aall because of a few 'p*ss brains'!) 
SOME OF THE GREEN 'FOG ON THE TYNE'
SMOKE BOMBS, SET OFF @ THE KARKIV GAME
IN 'THE STRAWBERRY CORNER'!

This will be The Toon's 145th European tie since wor forst one against Feyenoord of Holland in 1968 (132nd if yoo DIVVINT include 13 Anglo-Italian Cup ties!) and 'The Geordie Times'z 111th competitive European tie 'in a row'! (includin' SIX in the 1992 Anglo-Italian) 

Europaa Leegue games toneet and who we want to win and gan through to the qwaata finals in gold: (in order of kick off times)

'5:00 bells': Ruban Kazan (0) v Levente (0)
'5:00 bells': Zenit St Pertersborg (0) v Basle (2)*
'6:00 bells': Inter Milan (0) v Sporz (3)
'8:05 bells': The Toon (0) v Anzi (0)
'8:05 bells': Bordeaux (0) v Benfica (1)
'8:05 bells': Chelski (0) v Steaua Bucharest (1)
'8;05 bells': Lazio (2) v Stuttgart (0)
'8:05 bells': Fenebache (1) v Pizan (0)
* We've been to Basle before, but it would be much easier (and cheaper!) than havin' to apply for anotha visa for Rushaa!       

PS: There are it seems at least THREE different ways to spell wor opponents forst name:
'ANZI'<(The Geordie Times vorsion!)
'ANZHI'<(The Dagestan vorsion!) and
'ANJI'<(The nufc.com vorsion!)
'The Geordie Times' haz used 'ANZI' aall alang and we will stick with this!
Take your pick!

Full 'Geordie Times' match report and pics sometime tomorrow mornin' az per usual!-----Watch this space!

Tuesday 12 March 2013

THE GEORDIES v THE MAKHACHKEMS ***THORSDAY NEET!

Posted '6:25pm bells' Tuesday 12th March 2013
ACTION FROM LAST WEEKS GAME IN MOSCOW

Wor attention iz now drawn to wor big European tie against Anzi of Rushaa on Thorsday neet for a place in the qwaata finals!

'The Geordie Times' will post much more on this game tomorrow, but we expect that a full strength team will play in wor biggest game of the season so far!

"Must dash!---Watch this space!"
 

Monday 11 March 2013

"ALMOST THERE!***WE'RE ALMOST THERE!"

Posted '10:40am bells' Monday 11th March 2013

The result yesterday against 'The P*ss Potts of Stoke' takes us NINE POINTS clear of 'the abyss' and we can 'nearly' stop lookin' ower wor shoulders at the bottom of the table, az there are anly nine games left to gan for aall the clubs now below us, apart from 'The Blue Wigs', who have ten games left and who we play away next Sunday!

For the thord home game in a row we came back from behind to win and surely this iz the tornin' point of the season az we move up to 'lucky' 13th? position, but with the same number of points az 'The Wacko Jacko Jivers in 10th position!

Bottom of the Premyaa leegue table

10*The Wacko Jacko Jivers*played 28*points 33
11*The P*ss Potts*played 29*points 33
12*The Jellied Eels Mob*28*points 33
13*THE TOON*played 29*points 33
14*The Canary Custards*played 29*points 33
15*SMBs*played 29*points 30
16*Sooothampton*played 29*points 28
17*The Hazbeens&Villians*played 29*points27
'THE ABYSS!
18*The Blue Wigs*played 28*points 24
19*The Biscuitmen*played 29*points 23
20*Rag&Bone Men Rangers*played 29*pts23 

Sunday 10 March 2013

THE TOON 2 THE PULIS P*SS POTTS 1

Posted '9:45pm bells' Sunday 10th March 2013

"Iz this Moscow in Disguise!?"

YOHAN CABAYE ( in the 'D') HITS HIZ FREE KICK EQUALISER
AZ THE SKY DARKENS WITH SNOW FLURRIES!<(So it's not wor fault that the picture iz blurred!)
(View from The Milburn Stand balcony)

A day of arctic temperatures and icy winds that 'cut through yoo like a knife', were the conditions of 'Level 7' of The Milburn Stand az the game kicked off in a snow flurry!

It waz honestly just az caad az it waz in Moscow on Thorsday neet and both sets of players didnt look 'up for it' in the forst half!----And withoot borin' yiz to death, it waz a pretty miserable and awful forty five minutes!

Pulis, the 'P*ss Potts' manager had brung a bunch of hackers and lang baall punters to try and serve 'dipstick' Crouch and co. and try and intimidate The Toon, but it didnt work!

By the half time break many of the fans had aalready taken shelter beneath the stand in the concourses to try and keep waam and av never seen so many Toon fans crammed like sardines into that area before, az we 'battled' to force wor way to the 'toolshed' for a 'gypsies'!


The Toon were the better team in the second half, but against the run of play the visitors took the lead at The Leazes End when a penalty waz needlesleee given away by Tiote and Walters stepped up to place the baall past Elliot in the Toon goal at the mid-point of the half!

It looked a 'lost cause' but just six minutes later a Cabaye free kick at The Gallowgate End went in off the underside of the bar (see above photo) to level the scores!

And then, just when it looked like we would have to settle for a point, and deep into injury time, super sub 'Marveaux the Magician's through baall foond Cisse (who we thought waz in a offside position) and he fired the baall into the net past the stranded Begovic!
At forst we thought that the ref waz gannih disallow the goal, but the linesman on The Milburn Stand side didnt flag and the goal stood!

It waz like a delayed reaction from us for a few seconds, and then, when, the realisation sank in that the goal would actually stand, we started to celebrated the winner, and the crucial THREE POINTS to take us clear of 'the abyss'!

It waz a cr*p game in freeezin' conditions---but who cares!---

Toon team: Elliot, Debuchy, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Santon (Haidara 73), Cabaye, Tiote (Marveaux 73), Gutierrez, Sissoko, Gouffran (Campbell 86) ,Cisse

Attendance: a 'mag'nificent 50,703 in the arctic conditions, but just 500 'P*ss Potts' in the visitors enclosure!    

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