Sunday, 31 October 2021

THE TOON 0 CHELSKI 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Halloween Sunday 31st October 2021

Updated '11:00am bells'Munday 1st November

THE GIANT SURFER FLAG MAKES A REAPPEARANCE AT THE GALLOWGATE END!

"HALLOWEEN EVE HORROR!" πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘ΊπŸ‘»

It wont take lang to write this match report for certain!

In total NUFC had just ONE shot on target in the entire game when we were 3-0 doon and NEE corners at aall!

VIEV FROM THE MILBURN STAND BALCONY ROW 'B', AZ NUFC WIN A FREE KICK AT THE LEAZES END

It started off well az we attacked The Leazes End and Ryan Fraser went close in the forst minute, but hiz shot woz wide of the goal!

And that woz it, for wor forst half attackin prowls az Chelski laid siege to wor goal for the rest of the half!

Somehow we managed to get to the break on level torms, but time wastin' by Darlow in The Toon goal after just 20 minutes of play, meant that we were gannin for a 0-0 draw! (Shockin'!)

A TOON FREE KICK AT THE GALLOWGATE END IN THE 2nd HALF!

The second period woz just the same az Chelski hit the post with a deflected shot, which sounded the alarm bells in mee heed!

Time wastin' by Matt Richie at a throw in produced a yellow card from the ref, which just aboot summed up the game az far az we were concerned!

Surely we couldnt survive for 90 minutes like this and sure enough in the 65th minute wor visitors from west London took the lead through Reece James, who hit a cross baall shot from the far side of the box and into the far corner of the net, with Darlow well beaten!

It woz soon 2-0 to 'them' when again James hit a shot 12 minutes later to double their lead!----Would the floodgates now open???---aa thought???----well not exactly az they scored just one more goal from the penalty spot in the 81st minute, after Darlow had fouled Havertz in the box!

Jorginho took it and sent Darlow the wrang way az the groond emptied az the Chelski fans sang "No noise from the Saudi boys!" (Something we will have to get used to, I'm afraid!)

Accordin to the stats Cheski had 79% possesion to wor 21% az wor 11 game winless run (includin the Leegue Cup) continues unabaited!

A Halloween eve horror show and wor worst performance of the season---so far! ---Graeme Jones disappointin tactics make nee difference to wor former heed coach!---ie: same players, of which at least 8 aren't good enough for the survival fight aheed!

We are in desperate need of a new proven manager to try and sort this mess out, left by wor former owner 'The Fat Controller's refusal to buy more player in the summer transfor window! (A few of this team played in the Championship team in 2016, by the way!)



Attendance: 52, 209 (includin 3,000 from Chelski) 

*Leeedz 2-1 win at Nohrich on Sunday, meeenz that NUFC are now six points adrift of safety after a qwaataa of the season so far!

Failure to beat Brightin next Saturday will make it the biggest winless start to a season in wor entire 129 years history, gannin back to 1892!----That's how bad it iz!




*

 Posted '1:01am bells' on Halloween October 31st 2021

"THERE'S A GHOST IN THE HOUSE!"

On this day in 2014 NUFC beat The Liverbirds 1-0 at SJP!

It woz Halloween and the Geordie Times match report woz a classic (see below)

THE TOON 1 THE LIVERBIRDS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:15am bells' Sunday 2nd November 2014

"WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED?"

John 'The Undertaker's' funeral had been the day before and 'The Colonel' (he's 'the spit' of deposed 'crackpot' Colonel Gadaffi!) waz stoppin' owerneet in The Rowers Hotel in Dunston to go the funeral and then the match against The Liverbirds the next day. (He lives in Bracknell in Berkshire)

We'd had quite a few drinks in celebration of 'The Undertaker's' life and after hiz funeral in The Toon and after a canny few drinks in various hostelries, I showed 'The Colonel where the hotel waz on the Friday evenin' and he dropped hiz owerneet bag off in 'Room 1' on the 1st floor of the hotel.

Az he waz droppin' hiz bag off  aa asked the hotel manager if he waz full that neet!  "We're fully booked", he said,  "But some of our business guests have been unavoidably delayed and won't get here til the mornin'!" <(an important point---reeed on!)

We then went on 'the hoy' in Dunston takin' in The Royal Hotel bar and The Tudor Rose bar where a Halloween party waz takin' place with the locals dressed up az ghouls, witches and devils with horns stickin' oot of their heeds and there waz even one idiot in a gorilla suit!
"THERE'S A GHOST IN THE HOUSE!" *** TUDOR ROSE

"Have yoo seen them?" 'The Colonel' said, and I told him that this waz the NORMAL dress attire in Dunston!

Anyway!---aa finally left him in a dishevelled and inebriated state 'late on' and arranged to meet him the next mornin' @ '10 bells' to gan to the match which kicked off @ '12:45 bells'

"Yi'll nevaa guess wot happened to me last night!?" he said when he torned up---and aa had visions of him tellin' me that he couldn't find hiz way back to the hotel!

But a more bizarre set off events had taken place!

He DID find the hotel and went to hiz room (which he'd forgot to lock!?) and 'crashed oot' "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

Next mornin' he awoke and opened the curtains and he could see that he had a view of the River Tyne from hiz window!
He couldn't understand why, az when he had went to hiz room the previous night to drop hiz bag off, he had a view of the road that leads to Dunston's futbaall groond?

He decided he needed a shave and went to get hiz owerneet bag which he'd left on a chair beside the bed---but it wasn't there!---he searched the room and even looked under the bed to see if it waz there---but it wasn't!???----(it waz Halloween wasn't it---spooky!) Someone must have sneaked in and 'nicked it' while he waz asleep, he thought and he went doon to reception to complain to the manageress of the hotel!

She went back upstairs with him and like a scene from 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears', she discovered that in fact he'd went back to the WRANG ROOM when he'd came back and had slept in the WRANG BED!--hence the 'Tyne view' he had and 'ne bag' in the room! <(yi couldn't make it up!)

Obviously the room he'd slept in WAZ for the (still un-arrived!) business people the hotel manager had told me aboot the neet before!

Imagine the scenario if the delayed business people HAD arrived orly in the mornin'???---A Beautiful blonde bimbo businesswoman arrives exhausted and gans to hor room!
She hoys hor 'kit off' and dives into bed--anly to discover a 'Colonel Gadaffi' lookalike snorin' hiz heed off on the next pillow!
A 'Halloween Horror Story' if ever there waz one!!!!  



Anyway!---off we set for The Toon and he got 'a load of merciless stick', aboot it, aa can tell yiz!

It waz then 'match time' and we heeded for wor seats.
The Toon started off the better of the 2 sides and went close on a couple of occasions. The Liverbirds were not very good and couldn't muster a shot durin' the 1st half and they were lucky not to be behind at the interval when at least one penalty decision went against us!
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END (1st HALF)

The visitors were a bit better in the 2nd period but The Toon stuck in and went for 'the jugular'.
The breakthrough came in the 73rd minute when a Sissoko pass was blocked by Mereno, but it fell nicely for Perez and he whacked the baall into the net from just inside the box to put us one-nil up, to huge roars from the crowd!

It shud have been two just eight minutes later when Cabella waz put through by Sissoko and with anly Mignonet to beat in The Liverbirds goal he shot by the keeper managed to push the baall around the post to deny him!

It 'mattered not' though!---and we held on to record wor FOURTH win in a row and move up to the dizzy heights of 11th in the table!
ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END DURIN' THE 2nd HALF

After the match me and 'The Colonel' heeded for 'The Bodega on Westgate Road where he left hiz owerneet bag under a table!

Sometime later he looked for it, but (again!) it wasn't there? and had mysteriously moved by itself to an alcove above a door!----very spooky! 
"HOW DID THAT GET UP THERE!???"

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Steve Taylor, Dummett, Sissoko, Abeid, Colback, Obertan (Aarons 27), Cisse (Perez 46), Sammy Ameobi (Cabella 66)

Attendance: 52,166 (3,200 Liverbirds)

Friday, 29 October 2021

THE TOON V CHELSKI *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted from '11:11am bells' onwards, Friday 249th October 2021

               Wor last home game flag display!                                (The words to 'Big River' (Tyne)


We attempt at the 10th time of askin' to get wor forst Premyaa Leegue win of the season against current European champions Chelski at SJP tomorrow at '3:00 bells'

It won't be easy and to be honest we would be delighted to get even a draw!  Jonjo Shelevey iz available after sorvin a one match suspension and goalie Martin Dubravka iz at last available again!

This will be lifelong Toon fan Graeme Jones's forst home game in charge of the team---until a replacement iz foond!

He haz been told by Amanda that he will be there for 'the long haul' and that he won't be shown the door when a new manager/heed coach iz appointed! 

It's a sellout of course and iz the 3rd game under wor new PIF ownership! (one draw, one defeat!)

The giant flag that last appeared in The Gallowgate End many moons ago will be makin a reappearance and shud be quite a sight!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

Thursday, 28 October 2021

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IZ!!! ***

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 28th October 2021


Wonder if the 'Smog Monsters' who made the anti Saudi NUFC banners, will stand ootside the Teesside Wilton plant with banners like these below and DEMAND that the Saudis DIVVINT take the plant ower---and lose them 1,000 jobs, az they of course have MORALS!!!

"DIVVINT HAAD YOUR BREATH!"

"£300 MILLION BOUGHT YOUR CLUB AND YOUR MORALS, BUT IT'S OK FOR THEM TO SPEND 3 TIMES AZ MUCH TO SAVE US!" (THE NEXT BANNER AT THE RIVERSIDE STADIUM, PERHAPS?)

Wednesday, 27 October 2021

WOR NEW CHAIRMAN MEETS HOR MAJESTY THE QUEEN!

 Posted 'high noon πŸ””s' Wedinzday 27th October 2021


Last week at Windsor Castle, hor majesty The Queen met wor new NUFC chairman Yasir Al-Rumayyan 

If its OK for hor it to meet distinguished guests like him, it shud be OK for the 18 rebels and the Premyaa Leegue!



*




Tuesday, 26 October 2021

TOON HEED COACH LATEST ODDS!

 Posted '9:00pm bells' Tuesday 26th October 2021



The latest odds on just who will take the managerial reigns at St. James' Park haz just reached The Geordie Times!

Paulo Fonseca iz the favorite to get the job and here are the 10 runners and riders makin the latest bettin' list, with current caretaker manager Graeme Jones and suprizin 20/1 to get the nod !


We will of course bring yoo---wor loyal reeeders any forthcomin' news az and when we find oot!

THE TOON U23s 2 WOLVERHAMPTON WANABBEZ U23s 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 26th October 2021



Wor U23s were in action at Blue Flames (aka Whitley Park) last neet and were lookin for wor 3rd win in a row, against Wolves!



Wor previous game woz against the SMBs at the SOS where we won 2-1 last week!



We fought back from a 2 goal deficit with goals from Wiggett in the 51st minute, with a close range effort from a Shelvey cross and Stephenson got the equaliser 7 minutes later, with a lang range shot, but wor visitors scored a last gasp winner in the 90th minute to silence the 374 'crowd', includin wor interim manager Graeme Jones (Nee Wolves fans az far az we could see)



Monday, 25 October 2021

"WOT GANS AROOND, COMES AROOND TO BITE YOO ON YOUR ARSE!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 25th October 2021

THE HOLMESDALE ROAD END AT SELHURST PARK ON SATURDAY!

News reaches The Geordie Times that Cristil Palliss co owner David Blitzer iz 'The globel head of tactical opportunities' at Blackstone Group, which took $20 billion investment from-----guess who?---The PIF who own NUFC!

The Palliss fans will have to make a new banner now, condemin' their OWN owners!----Taaak aboot shootin' yoursel in the foot and bitin' your own arse!---OH THE HYPOCRISY OF IT AALL!!!


And while we are on the subject! 







Confirmation to wot we said above! 


And the Formula One Grand Prix in Saudi Arabia is advertised at a Premyaa Leegue groond! (Brighton) One of the 18 clubs who tried to block wor takeower!!!
YET MORE HYPOCRISY!





Sunday, 24 October 2021

CRISTIL PALLISS 1 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Sunday 24th October 2021


"WE'RE JUST LIKE MILLWAALL NOW!"---
"NO ONE LIKES US!---WE DON'T CARE!"

Forst of aall---to the banner that Palliss fans displayed in the home end, condemin' the PIF of murder and human rites abuses!

The banner iz inaccurate az there iz nee proof whatsoever that the PIF had anything to dee with beheadings or the murder of that guy in the Saudi Embassy!  Indeed the PIF who The Premyaa Leegue AGREED were separate to the Saudi government,  deny any wrong doin in this and nothing haz been proved against them!

And aalso a 'dig' at wor fans, with 'We've got our club back' and a magpie at the bottom! (If the PIF had taken their club ower, they would be dancin' in the streets!----make nee misstayk aboot that!)


In other words the racist banner (an Arab with a pointed nose and a saber) iz full of assumptions that the PIF were involved, nothin of which haz been proved!---ie: Pure speculation!---Innocent until proven guilty in this country!---The Dibble (police) are investigatin'!

WOR VIEW OF THE BANNER IN THE HOLMESDALE END

Aalthough we couldnt make oot wot the banner said at the time, az we were too far away---the very fact that it woz held up with 2 large poles, begs the question of how the hell did the banner and poles get past security at the entrance gates, when everybody woz searched???? -----Did the Palliss hierarchy naa aboot the banner and approved it???------Speculation again! 



Anyway!---to the match! Graeme Jones took hiz 1st game in charge but it didn't make much difference az the home side were the much better team in the forst half az we struggled to get ott of wor own half and ower the halfway line!

The anly action of note for us woz a clearance of the Palliss goal line from a Callum Wilson effort---apart from that we were the 2nd best in every department az Palliss striker Benteke hit the bar and missed several chances to take the lead!--We were indeed happy to gan in 'nowts each' at the break!

THE REAL VIEW FROM WOR CRAP SEATS (THE CAMERA WOZ HELD ABOVE MEE HEED FOR THE OTHER PHOTOS!)

NUFC were a bit better in the 2nd period, but it woz Benteke who broke the stalemate in the minute with shot from close in, in the 56th minute, to gan 1-0 up!----



Against the run of play we equalised at The Holmesdale Road End 10 minutes later, with a spectacular owerheed sizzers kick from Callum Wilson to send the 2,800 faithful in the away section wild with delight, with many faallin ower the seats az they celebrated!

Benteke scored again with a bullet heeder in the 87th minute, but a VAR check by the ref disallowed the goal for a foul in the box by a Palliss player, much to the relief of the travellin faithful!

We got the point we hardy disorved, but a point iz better than nowt, az we stayed in 19th place in the table with just 4 points from 9 games and nee wins so far!


Attendance: 24,609 (2,800 Toon fans az mentioned)


A relegation battle for sure yet again!---But at least we now have some 'hope' when the January window opens wide!---It might not save us, but at least we have a much better chance of avoidin the drop than we would have had under the previous regime!


The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!

ST. PANCRAS, LONDON

THE PORTLAND ARMS, NOT TOO FAR FROM SELHURST PARK!

A RARE SIGHTIN' OF A POLAR BEAR NEAR NORWOOD JUNCTION STATION!
"IZ IT CHRISTMAS AALREADY?"


Friday, 22 October 2021

PALLISS V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AT '3:00 BELLS'!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 22nd October 2021

WE WERE FORCED TO WATCH THE PALLISS AWAY GAME ON WOR LAP TOPS LAST SEASON!---A RARE WIN AZ WELL! (2-0)

"NOW WE DEE HAVE SOME 'HOPE'!"

Lets make this crystal clear!(sic!) ----If the takeower hadn't happened and Bruce woz still in charge, we would surely lose at Palliss tomorrow and be relegated at the end of the season!

HOWEVER!  This now won't hopefully happen, az a new era iz upon us and we must concentrate on the future and forget the past! (The Fat Controller, Brucey, Carver, The Wally with the Brolly, Joke Kinnear, etc etc!)

But one final thing aboot Bruce! He got an unbelievable £8 million pay off from wor new owners!                                                         Nee wonder that 'The Fat Controller' didn't sack him or that Brucey didn't resign! We can't quite believe that he negotiated that crazy deal! WOZ TFC on drink or drugs when hee agreed that deal if Bruce woz sacked?) £8 million for bein a failure!  It beggars belief!

Hopefully we won't have to mention either of their names in the future and can cast those dark days into the past!

We now have a bit of 'hope' and 'hopefully' we can put in a better performance, than of late and get at least a point at Selhurst Park tomorrow afternooon with Graeme Jones in  temporary charge!

Aall 2,800 away tickets have been sold and a rejuvenated Toon Army will be in full voice!

We are on the '7:30 bells' train to King's Cross (London) in the mornin and aall the talk will be just who will be in charge of team selections after the next International break next month?

Ex AS Roma heed coach Paulo Fonseca iz the odds on favorite and it will be like chalk and cheese comparin' him to Bruce! (Shit!--I've mentioned him again!)

A full Geordie Times match and boozer report will appear here on Sunday----sometime!   Az per usual "Watch this space!"

Thursday, 21 October 2021

'TOTAL MADNESS' AND AALL THAT!----FROM JULY 15th 2019 TO OCTOBER 20th 2021!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 21st October 2021

HIBS TRAININ' GROOND, JULY 2019 (GROUND NUMBER 340)

'The Geordie Times' never wanted Brucey az manager and in July 2019 we did a match report from Hibs trainin' groond, where wor U23s played Hibs U20s---In the report (Ground 340, printed below) we said Brucey woz a 'run of the mill manager'!--------and that it woz 'total madness' to give him the job after Rafa's departure---And we have been proved right 100%

We forst foond oot that he woz to be appointed on that fateful day!

340 hibernian training ground, ormiston, scotland (v hibs U20s)

Ground number 340
Date of First Visit: 15th July 2019

Hibernian Training ground, Ormiston, Scotland

Hibernian U20s 1
Newcastle United U23s 2

Friendly fixture
Attendance: 175 ('Dave from York' coonted them!)
Includin 6 mad-sad groundhoppers!
Luke Carman (centre of pic) scores the openin' goal for wor U23s
(Geordie Times excluuusive!)

**Six NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers made the trip north of Hadrian's Waall to Hibs trainin groond for this resorve friendly and news filtered through that 'Broken Nose Bruce' and hiz backroom team had resigned from Sheffeeeld Wedinzday to leave them in the lurch!
A 4 millions compensation package had been mentioned to bring him to NUFC, which seems total madness to us for certain for a 'run of the mill' manager, with most of hiz time spent in The Championship!

It had taken 2 hours to drive up from Tyneside in Big Al's jam jar (NOT the sheet metel workers son!) and afterwards aa had to get back and drive mee truck to Manchester later that neet!

Anyway!---to the match---which woz between Hibs U20 side and NUFCs U23 side and kicked off at '2:00pm bells' on a hot and sunny day in Scotland!

A 'crowd' of 150 or so had assembled az the game kicked of , with many of them bringin their own chairs with then az there were nee stands to sit in!
"CHAIR WE GO!--CHAIR WE GO!--CHAIR WE GO!"

After an orly scare The Toon took the lead in the 13th minute when Luke Charman hit a fine shot past the Hibs keeper which aa just happen to capture on mee camera phone! (see above photo!)

The lead didn't last lang though and the home side equalised 8 minutes later when trialist Jonny Smith beat Too goalie Langley at the near post!---That's the way it stayed til the break!

Luke Charman hit the post 5 mins into the 2nd half, before Jack Young latched onto the rebound and foond Lewis Cass who beat Martin in the Hibs goal from close in to seal the victory for the 'black n whites', (who were sportin wor new 'Fairs Cup strip' which looks nowt like the original from 1969?)
LEWIS CASS (2nd Toon player from goal--Yoo can just see hiz legs!)
SCORES THE DECISIVE GOAL OF THE GAME!
(Anothaa Geordie Times exlcluuusive!)

The final whistle blew just before '4:00 bells' and it woz then back to Tyneside in Big Al's jalopy before heedin for work on the Team Valley (Gatesheed) to dee mee normal nightly 'truck run' to Eccles (Manchester) and I arrived there at '10 past 10 bells', some 6 hours (plus) after leavin bonny Scotland! (The things yi de to follow NUFC!)

*More pix to follow when aa get time--like! 
A HIBS FAN SAID TO WOR NUMBER 8 
"ARE YOO GOIN TO CHEAT ALL YOUR LIFE!"
AZ HE WOZ ABOOT TO TAKE THIS CORNER 
WITH THE BAALL JUST OOTSIDE THE 'D'!

THE TEAMSHEET GAVE NEE CLUES TO WHO WOR NUMBER 8 WOZ!?
AZ NUFC DIDNT GIVE THEM WOR LINE UPS!

THE MATCH PROGRAMME!

TRAININ' GROOND ENTRANCE



A TOWN CAALLED 'MACMERRY' 2 MILES FROM HIBS TRAININ GROOND!
"WOT!---IN SCOTLAND!"




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