Sunday, 30 June 2013

"KILIMANJARO *** YES OR NO!?"

Updated '7:05pm bells' Sunday 30th Joon 2013
"TO BE OR NOT TO BE***THAT IZ THE QUESTION?"

Despite frantic attempts by 'The Geordie Times' to find oot if we will DEFINATELY be sendin' a Under 21's team to Kilmarnock on Saturday 27th July, we still divvint naa for certain if this game will tek place?
The day before this game, 'Killy' are publishin' details on their website of a fixture against Carlisle United's forst team in a '7 bells' kick off---but there iz absolutleee NE mention of wor game at aall!?
NUFC's official site claims that we are playin' there, so why arnt 'Killy' advertisin' this game???

Aalso the rumoured game against Portuguese side Arouca on Saturday August 3rd looks like it haz 'bit the dust', leavin' the forst team with a blank date to fill, in their calendar!
Glasgow Rangers waz mentioned for that date az well, but they are in Scottish League Cup action on that day?

We could'nt organise a 'p*ss up' in a brewery!---COULD WE? ("hic!")

Friday, 28 June 2013

"SEASIDE RONDIVOOO!" PLUS "GRAND TOUR OF SCOTLAND!" TICKET NEWS!

Updated '9:30am bells' Saturday 29th Joon 2013

Tickets for wor forthcomin' friendly game away to Blackpool are nuw on sale from the NUFC ticket office, priced @ £15 for big kids and £5 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

Tickets news for wor 'Grand Tour of Scotland' are az follows!

St Mirren tickets are on sale from the home clubs only!>(0141 8406130) and we have been allocated the North Stand which haads 1,600

Meeenwhile!--Motherwell have sent an allocation of tickets doon and they are on sale from wor ticket office from Monday to season ticket holders and members!
We have been allocated the 'MOP' Stand for this fixture which haads 4,500 (Maxim Office Park Stand!)

However!---tickets for wor 'proposed' NUFC X1 game at Kilmarnock are not on sale yet!
(Any news of ticket sales from 'Killy' will be posted az sooon az we find oot!)

Thursday, 27 June 2013

2013-2014 PRE SEASON FIXTURES*** LATEST DATES & NEWS! ("KILLYMANJARO AWAY!")

Updated '7:50pm bells' Thorsday 27th Joon 2013

"NO!---NOT 'THAT' KILIMANJARO!"
The latest pre season fixtures that we naa aboot are printed below.

Yet more 'joyous news' for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'!, az yet anothaa Scottish Leegue groond that we have nevaa been te before, haz been added to 'the list', namely Kilmarnock, makin' it THREE 'newins' to visit now, with  Motherwell and St Mirren aalso on 'the list'!
However!--and to hoy a spanner into the works, Killy have advertised a forst team home game against Carlisle the previous neet---which meens that they will play twice within 24 hours, if that iz the case? <(aalso, there's nothing on their website yet, conformin' this game!) <(let the nail bitin' begin!)

The game at St Mirren haz been 'upgraded from a NUFC X1 game to a forst team game
"AYE!---'THAT ONE'!"

On top of that, two games in Portugal
have just been annoonced! (see below)

'Geordie Times'---dates for your diary!

Below iz a list of wot we naa so far involvin' the forst team, Toon X1/U21s and juniors (U18s & U17s) and we've 'culaa-coded' them to make it a bit eeezier for yoo to disifaa! (Aall of course, subject to change or cancellation!)

Key:
Gold=NUFC 1st team fixture
Yellow=NUFC X1/U21 resorve fixture
Green=NUFC junior fixture (U18s & U17s)
TBC=To Be Conformed
BCD=Behind Closed Doors

JULY
Tue 16 Hamilton Accies @ Blue Flames, Benton BCD

Tue 16 Motherwell @ Fir Park @ '7 bells'
(admission £15) The Toon have been allocated the whole end behind one goal, which haads 4,500

Sat 20 Soothampton @ Blue Flames, Benton BCD

Sat 20 Rio Ave of Portugal @ Estadio do Rio Ave

Tue 23 Pacos de Ferreira of Portugal @ Estadio de Mata Real 

Wed 24 Worky Tickets of Workington @ Borough Park @ '7:30 bells' 

Sat 27 Kilmarnock @ Rugby Park, kick off ?

Sun 28 Blackpool @ Bloomfield Road @ '3 bells'

Mon 29 O'Higgins of Chile @ Colraine Showgroonds, Northern Ireland @ '3:30 bells' (Northern Ireland Milk Cup)

Tue 30th St Mirren @ St Mirren Park, Paisley @ '7:30 bells' (admission £15 big kids, £8 zimmerframeites, £5 sprogs under 16)

Tue 30 Coonty Armagh @ Ballymena Showgroonds, Northern Ireland @ '8 bells' (Northern Ireland Milk Cup)

Wed 31 The Liverbirds @ Raida Park, Ballymoney, Northern Ireland @ '7 bells' (Northern Ireland Milk Cup)

AUG
Fri 2 (waz Sat 3 @ '3 bells') The Heedbangers of Gatesheed @ Gatesheed Stadium @ '7:30 bells' (admission £10 big kids, £5 zimmerframeites, £2 sprogs under 16) 

Sat 3rd Unconformed away game rumoured to be in Portugal (again!) against Arouca, who we were due to play on July 23rd

Sat 10 SC Braga @ St James' Park @ '6 bells'


Glasgow Rangers @ Ibrox Park 'BINNED'?

2 more games in Portugal against Estoril and Vitoria Setubal---'BINNED!?'

Tour of Sooth Africa---'BINNED!'


Anymore fixure news will be posted az soon az we find oot!              

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

ANLY FOOLS AND HORSES!***CONTINUED!

Posted '8:40pm bells' Wednesday 26th Joon 2013

It's now a week since MD 'Llambs to the Slaughter' resigned @ NUFC

The sequence of events which have happened ower the last couple of days in the desperate bid to replace him are listed below!


Tuesday, 25 June 2013

NUFC MD's JOB UP FOR GRABS!****'"GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!"

Posted '9:45pm bells' Tuesday 25th Joon 2013

Part One:

Followin' the resignation of 'Llambs to the Slaughter' (above arrow, above!) from hiz MD's job at 'The Toon' last Wednesday, a vacancy for that prestigious position waz opened yesterday by NUFC!


The 'field' haz now been narrowed doon to just FOWER! (4) contenders today, from the thoosands who applied, and supreme court jesters 'The Fat Controller', I Beg Your Pardew' and 'JoeK In Yih Ear' will decided the winner after great deliberation tomorrow in 'The Orange Tree' pub, Landan!

The fower nominees ARE!---

1: Baldrick from Blackadder!




2: Benny from Crossroads!


3: Trigger from Only Fools and Horses!


4: Crusty the Clown from The Simpsons!

The winner of this executive post will be excluuusivleee reveeeled in 'The Geordie Times' sometime tomorrow afternooon!---SO!---WATCH THIS SPACE!

"IT'S TRIGGER!" ***"GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!"

Posted '1:20pm bells' Wednesday 26th Joon 2013

Part Two:

The result of the NUFC MD's job went doon to the wire:
The votes for the fower nominees were az follows, az decided by the three NUFC supreme court jesters, 'The Fat Controller', 'I Beg Your Pardew and 'JoeK In Yih Ear'

In forst position: Trigger from Only Fools and Horses***ONE and a HALF votes!

In second position: Crusty the Clown from The Simpsons***HALF a vote!






In equal last position: Benny from Crossroads*** NE votes!

(and!) Baldrick from Blackadder***NE votes!




'I Beg Your Pardew' could'nt make hiz mind up az he thought that they were aall 'top draw' and abstained!
'The Fat Controller' couldn't decide between 'Crusty The Clown' or 'Trigger', (awardin' them half a point each!), so 'Joek In Your Ear' cast the final vote in 'Triggers favour', by declairin':

"He always calls 'Rodney', 'Dave', so he gets the job, coz he's obviously on the same 'wavelength' as me!"

"DAVE or RODNEY?"

SENSATIONAL NEWS FROM NUFC!***"TRIGGER GETS 'THE BULLET'!" ***"GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!"

Posted '7:55pm bells' Wednesday 26th Joon 2013
Part Three:

After just FIVE MINUTES into hiz new job az MD of NUFC, Trigger from 'Only Fools and Horses' haz been sensationally sacked, az the club have foond oot that he iz anly 65 years old!<(born 22nd April 1948)

The clubs criteria for the vacancy clearly stated that the applicants must be at least 66 years old and that they shud caall players by their wrang names!

He passed the second part of the test easily, just like wor new 'Director of Futbaall' did, but the fact that he iz below the age limit, haz forced 'The Fat Controller' to sack him forthwith!

"THE SEARCH GANS ON!"

THE ASH CLOUDS ARE GATHERIN'!

Posted '2:15pm bells' Tuesday 25th Joon 2013

"THE FRONT PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY GILL'
SEZ AALL YOO NEED TO NAA!"

Last neet in a packed 'Newcastle Labour Club' (which, for those of yoo who divvint naa, lies within eezy 'hocklin distance' of St James' Park!), a meetin' of 'Newcastle Fans United' took place and a vote no confidence waz not suprizingleee given to wor 'beloved' owner aftaa the farcical events of the last few days! www.nufcfansutd.com

He haz been asked to sell the club before it's tooo late, but we at 'The Geordie Times' feel that this certain to faall on 'deaf ears' once again!

We've hord that hundreds of fans have swamped the ticket office in the last week tryin' to cancel their season tickets for the forthcomin' season followin' 'the said' farcical events.

But they have aalso been told that they are 'tooo late' to de so and that they can't de anythin' til the next season ticket renewals come oot next February! (ie that they will have to pay for the season tickets they have signed direct debits for, wethaa they like it or not!)
 
Aall in the mad-sad life of an NUFC fan!

Monday, 24 June 2013

LATEST PRE SEASON FIXTURES UPDATE!

Posted '2:35pm bells' Monday 24th Joon 2013
ESTADIO DO RIO AVE

At last!---NUFC have finally annoonced their Portugese pre season plans!

The games against Vitoria Setubal, Arouca and Estoril have been 'binned' and we now play two unknown teams caalled Rio Ave on Sat 20th July and Pacos de Ferreira on Tue 23rd July.

However!--and closer to home, there is ne mention of a game against Rangers @ Ibrox Park which had been mooted?

More info to follow when we find oot!

For the complete pre season fixture list, scroll doon the page!


Sunday, 23 June 2013

NUFC LATEST PRE SEASON FIXTURE NEWS

Posted 10:00am bells' Sunday 23rd Joon 2013

FC AROUCA'S MAIN STAND!
("BUT WILL WE BE SITTIN' IN IT!?")

After the 'madhoose' events of last week, it's time to 'move on' and look at wor pre season futbaall fixtures once again!
Anothaa game haz been mentioned in Portugal against a team we've nevaa hord of caalled FC Arouca who play near Porto, where NUFC are reputed to be havin' a trainin' camp?

The game iz said to be played a month today on Tuesday 23rd July, but NE confirmation (az per usual at wor chaotic club!) haz been annoonced and so we are left 'in limbo' once again, like last pre season, when some European friendly games were anly conformed a week before they were played!<(late flight bookins of course meen much higher prices!)

To forthaa complicate things, Arouca's groond (which holds a 'mind bogglin 2,500 spectators!) iz bein' re-built and there are doubts az to wethaa the game can take place there anyway, because of this!---meenin' that it COULD be played BCD! (Behind Closed Doors!) or somewhere else!???

Aall in the chaotic life of the 'mad-sad groundhoppers, who have very deep pockets <(with ne money in them!) and take such things in their stride'!

We still divvint naa if or when the game against Rangers @ Ibrox will take place eetha?---but JULY haz been mentioned to 'narrow it doon a bit'!

The latest fixture and rumours are below!
   

Saturday, 22 June 2013

"THAT WAZ THE WEEK THAT WAZ!"**** "THE LUNATICS HAVE TAKEN OWER THE ASYLUM!"

Posted '3:40pm bells' Saturday 22nd Joon 2013

"SOMEWHERE DEEP IN THE BOWELS
OF ST JAMES' PARK!"

 
"WELCOME TO THE MADHOOSE!"

Sunday: 'JoeK in Your Ear' iz appointed 'Director of Fools' (er sorry!) 'Footbaall' @ St James' Park by 'The Fat Controller'!
He then 'infamouslee' caalls Yohan Cabaye, Yohan KEBAB! amongst many othaa gaffs on live radio, like sayin' that he iz more intelligent than the fans!??? 

Monday: 'Joek' tells us that HE signed goalie Tim Krul, when in fact he waz signed in the Glenn Roeder era in 2006---THREE YEARS before 'Joek' ever set foot in St James' Park! (some intelligence!)

Tuesday: "The backlash starts az irate and dissalooshed fans inundate the 'Ronny Gill' with negative reaction to the appointment! (TEN pages of the 'local rag' are devoted to the story!)

Wednesday: MD 'Llambs to the Slaughter' resigns suddenly, to add to the chaos!

Thorsday: Sir John Haall gets involved and admits for the forst time that it waz a big (big!) mistake to sell the club to 'The Fat controller'!

Friday: The bar named 'Shearer's' underneath The Gallowgate End iz no more az the sign is ripped off with crowbars! (the 2nd time crowbars have been used to deface wor groond after the 'St. James' Park' signs were vandalised last year!)

Saturday: God naaz wot will happen today!---there's still more than eight hours left of the day!---so divvint haad yi breath! 

Friday, 21 June 2013

"OH NO!"****"NOW IT'S 'SHEARER'S BAR' FOR 'THE CHOP'!"

Updated '6:45pm bells' Friday 21st Joon 2013

Not! content with antaganizin' the Toon fans enough with the 'events' of the last week, crowbars have again been in action @ St James' Park az the 'SHEARER'S' sign haz been ripped off the bar named in hiz honour, underneath 'The Gallowgate End'!

'Big Al' iz said to be completleee 'stunned', 'dismayed' and 'betrayed' by it aall, and he said later:
"There was no consultation. I was simply informed be email of their decision to change the name!"
"It was not a question of me agreeing or disagreeing!"
"It's their ground and it's up to the owners what they want to do with it!" 
"It won't stop me buying my season ticket and supporting the team!"
(this iz wot happens when yoo 'dare' to critisise the club!)
 
Very soon (we are told!) a new name will appear above the bar!<('The Fat Controller Tavern', perhaps?)


We hord rumours two seasons ago that this waz gannin to happen at some time---and now the 'dasterdly deed' haz finally been done!

Why do the club feel the need to distance the fans from them once again, we ask worsels, az things just gan from 'sit-com' to 'pantomime'???

'Big Al' haz commented aboot the 'JoeK In Your Ear's appointment in today's 'Ronny Gill' and the shambolic way in which the club iz now run, caallin' us a 'LAUGHING STOCK'!<(he iz SO right!)

Wot the hell will 'The Fat Controller' de next???---we ask worsels???

It's HIZ 'train-set' and divvint we naaa it!!!!

"IT'S MY! TRAIN-SET!"
"AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT!"

Thursday, 20 June 2013

"WOT THE HELL IZ GANNIN' ON?"***"LIKE!!!???"

Posted '5:00pm bells' Thorsday 20th Joon 2013

The front page of today's 'Ronny Gill' sez it aall, consornin' the 'St James' mad-house' that haz engulfed us!
At last! Sir John Haall haz admitted that it waz a big (BIG!) mistake to sell the club to 'The Fat Controller'! (and not before time!)

NUFC PREMYAA LEEGUE FIXTURES 2013-2014

Posted '4:00pm bells' Thorsday 20th Joon 2013

Here are the Toon's fixtures for the comin' two months of the season. (aall of course subject to change for live telly!)
Az usual they are in 'Geordie Times Cryptic Code' to avoid copyright!

("GOD HELP US AALL!")

August 2013
Sat 17 The Blue Moonies, away '3 bells'
Sat 24 The Jellied Eels Mob, home '3 bells'
Sat 31 The Wacko Jacko Jivers, home '3 bells'

September 2013
Sat 14 The Hazbeens and Villians, away '3 bells'
Sat 21 The Broken Nose Bruce Brigade, home '3 bells'
Sat 28 The Toffee Noses, away '3 bells'

(More fixtures to follow when wa can be bothered!)



Wednesday, 19 June 2013

LLAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER!

Posted '2:55pm bells' Wednesday 19th Joon 2013
^^^^^^^^^^^"WHO'S NEXT!???"^^^^^^

The backlash of 'JoeK In Your Ears' appointment haz aalready started az Derek Llambazee<('JoeK's pronoonseeeation of hiz name!) haz resigned az NUFC MD with immediate effect!

He apparently phoned from hiz holiday home in Sandy Bay<(not!) to inform TFC< (The Fat Controller) of hiz decision!

Who will be next to leave 'The NUFC Mad-Hoose' we ask worsels, az wor close season 'rest' from 'it aall', just gans from farcical to sit-com?

"OH YES!"---The Premya Leegue fixtures have just come oot today az well!---Can't wait for wor forst game away to 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester'!---an eezy three points for 'Joek' and 'The Fat Controller'!<(NOT!)

A full fixture list in 'Geordie Times Cryptic Code'<(to avoid any copyright infringements!) to follow later!---MUCH later!

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

"YOHAN!***YOHAN KEBABS!***EVERYONE KNOWS HIZ NAME!"

Updated '2:45pm bells' Tuesday 18th Joon 2013
'GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE'!
***JoeK's FORST SIGNIN'!

Toon fans have inundated the 'local rag' with their negative reaction to 'JoeK in Your Ears' forst rant az 'NUFC Director of Futbaall'.
Such iz the outcry of hiz appointment that a total of TEN PAGES! of today's 'Ronny Gill' have been devoted to this story!

FRONT PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY GILL'!

Ubeleeevebleee!---he's referred to Yohan Cabaye az Yohan KEBABS! and MD Derek Llambias az Derek LAMBAZEE!

This iz on top of the last time he waz here, when he caalled Charles N'Zombia, Charles INSOMNIA!
BACK PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY GILL'!

We at 'The Geordie Times' think that HE iz the one with IMSOMNIA and not Charles!***Don't YOO think!???

And god naaz how he will pronoonce Gael Bigirama's name! 


"THE MIND BOGGLES!"

Monday, 17 June 2013

THE TOON v SC BRAGA ****LATEST PRE SEASON FIXTURE NEWS 2013-2014

Posted '9:30pm bells' Monday 17th Joon 2013

At last!*** we have a HOME pre-season friendly game to tell yoo aboot!
Portugese side Sportin' Clube de Braga, who we played in 'The Algarve Tournament' at the beginnin' of last season, will provide the opposition @ St. James' Park on Saturday 10th August in a '6 bells' kick off ?

Just why this game iz kickin' off at that time on a Saturday iz anybodys guess and a lower attendance can be expected because of this!<(Saturday neet in 'The Toon' iz 'jumpin'!)

Two othaa games away in Portugal have aalso done the roonds, against Lisbon side, Estoril and Vitoria Setubal, which iz thorty miles forthaa sooth, but nothin' haz been conformed yet!

For the latest fixures of aall wor games planned pre-season so far***see below!

"THE BAD DREAM IZ IN FACT A NIGHTMARE, FOLKS!"

Posted the day after 'April Fools Day' '2:30pm bells' Monday Joon 17th 2013!
"THE 'MAIL' SEZ IT AALL!"

After wakin' up at dinnertime today (after workin neetshift) the bad dream aa thought a'd had this mornin' aboot 'Joke in your Ears' appointment az 'Director of Futbaall' at 'The Toon' torned into a nightmare, az aa picked up the 'Daily Mail' from mee local paper shop!

Haz it reeely come to this??? wor 'then' new manager, who f*****' swore a total of 52 f*****' times at hiz inaugural Toon press conference<(the 'Mail' must have coonted them!) in wor 2008-2009 relegation season, iz now in charge of AALL! incomin' NUFC transfors for the next 3 years!<(the length of hiz contract!)

Just wot current manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' and 'Chief Scout' Graham Carr makes of aall this iz anybody's guess?

And az for incomin' transfors???--divvint haad yer breath for any household names to sign on the dotted line!<(unless their surname begins with the letter 'F'!)

To say that we @ 'The Geordie Times' are totally underwhelmed and exaspirated by it all, iz the understatement of the year!

The 'JoeKs' just get worse and worse!---don't they just???
   

Sunday, 16 June 2013

"A JOKE IN YOUR EAR***IT'S JOE KINNEAR!"

Posted April Fools Day 2013!

"I DON'T 'ADAM & EVE' IT!"

Aa thought it waz a 'wind-up' when a mate caalled Adam text me to say that 'the above' had been appointed 'NUFC Director of Futbaall! 

However! a quick check on nufc.com conformed that it WASN'T!

HELP! AA NEED A DRINK!"---QUICK!"

2013-2014 PRE SEASON FIXTURES ***LATEST! ("HEEDBANGERS AWAY!") ***DATE & TIME CHANGE!

Updated 'high noon bells' Sunday 16th Joon 2013

The NUFC X1 fixture against Gatesheed which waz added to the 'list' of games for pre season haz now been moved a day forward to the Friday neet from the advertised Saturday.
We understand that this game iz C.I.S. (Cast In Stone!) and will now tek place @ Gatesheed International Stadium @ '7:30 bells' on Friday 2nd *August ("So divvint torn up on the Saturday afternoon, unless yi want to watch the grass grow!")
Admission will be ten poond for big kids, a fiver for zimmerframeites and just two quid for sprogs under 16 years old!

More planned games are imminent and will be posted 'forthwith', when we find oot the details!

For othaa fixture news, pleeeze scroll doon the page!

PS: I originally put that the 'Heed' game waz to be played on JULY 2nd.<(special thanx to 'eagle eyed' 'Mal the Inglish Skoool Teechaa' for pointin' oot my 'dillibrit missteak'!)

Saturday, 15 June 2013

ST MIRREN FRIENDLY ***LATEST TEAM NEWS ***BIG GUNS SENSATION!

Updated '8:50pm bells' Saturday 15th Joon 2013

'The Ronny Gill'*last with the news!

Followin' revelations in 'The Geordie Times' yesterday that we thought that 'The Toon' would send a mainly resorve side to Paisley, St Mirren fans who read wor story have inundated their clubs  switchboard< (which haz since went into 'meltdoon'!), angry that wor forst team would not be appearin' at their groond on July 30th and threatenin' to boycott the game!

An anxious St Mirren official then contacted NUFC and we have agreed to send some of wor 'big guns' instead, to help boost the attendance!

Friday, 14 June 2013

ST MIRREN FRIENDLY*** LATEST TEAM NEWS!

Posted '2:40pm bells' Friday 14th Joon 2013

St Mirren have asked 'The Toon' to ratify just wot kind of  'team' we will be sendin' up to Paisley on Tuesday July 30th for wor friendly match there!

Their website says: "When the annoucement was made yesterday of the pre season 'match up' with Newcastle United, it was reported on the Premiership club's official website that the match would be part of the Magpies Under 21s pre season schedule, although it was also reported by them that a number of first team players would join the under 21 squad for the match in Paisley".

"Since then we have had several equiries asking for clarification on details for the match so we caught a quick word with St Mirren CEO, Brian Caldwell who said": "The arrangement with Newcastle United is that they will be sending a squad made up of first team players, reserves and under 21s".

"While we can't guarantee who will be appearing for the St James' Park side, I'm sure that we will get to see some familiar faces in the Newcastle ranks, over and above Conor Newton and Paul Dummett!"< (who were on loan from 'The Toon' to St Mirren last season)

"Tickets for the pre season match against Newcastle United go on sale from the St Mirren ticket office from Friday 14th June" <(toooday!)

A 'Geordie Times' message to aall St Mirren fans: "Yoo can 'guarantee' that we will be sendin' up a mainly Resorve/Under 21 team of 'unfamiliar faces'!"---"Och aye the nooo!"

For aall the latest pre season fixtures, see below!

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

2013-2014 FORST TEAM PRE SEASON FRIENDLIES LATEST NEWS! ("MAMA WE'RE ALL CRAZY NOW!")

Posted '1:45pm bells' Tuesday 11th Joon 2013

"THE 'MOTHER' OF AALL GROONDS!"

Yet anothaa pre season cross border friendly haz been mentioned, and again it's at a groond we've never ever been te before!
Fir Park, Motherwell haz been added to the 'probable list' az they have advertised a game against us on July 16th with a '7 bells' kick off time!?

It's enough to send yoo crazy, Mama!---and alang with the proposed friendly at St Mirren, this meens that TWO new Scottish Leegue groonds could/will be added to the list!

Wot we naa so far, fact OR fiction?
(TBC=To Be Conformed)

July
Tuesday 16th: Motherwell away?
Tuesday 30th: St Mirren away?
TBC: Rangers away?
TBC: Blackpool away?
TBC: 2 games in the Algarve, Portugal?

Any forthaa news on the above games we will of course be posted asap!

For a 'conformed' list of the Toon Under 17s fixtures in wor tour of Northern Ireland at the end of July---scroll doon the page

Monday, 10 June 2013

FORST TEAM PRE SEASON FIXTURES 2013-2014 ***LATEST RUMOURS! ("SAINTS ALIVE!")

Updated '2:05pm bells' Monday 10th Joon 2013

ST. MIRREN PARK ***"POSSIBLE NEW GROOND!?"

Anothaa forst team friendly on the othaa side of Hadrians Waall haz been mentioned alang with a proposed friendly @ Rangers.
Paisley side St Mirren, who had several Toon players on loan last season are mooted az possible opponents, and Tuesday July 30th haz been pencilled in az a possible date!<(if this iz so, then it will 'clash' with the Under 17s who are playin' in Northern Ireland on the same day!)

NUFC have yet to conform this game <(az usual!) and wethaa we send  the forst team or a resorve team squad up to Jockoland, iz open to speculation, but the game now looks likely to take place!

This iz 'mooth-waaterin' news' for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', az St Mirren's new groond iz a one we've never visited before! <(Fingers & toes crossed that it gans aheed!)

Trips to Blackpool, Portugal, plus othaa games in Europe have aalso been mentioned but nothin' haz been cast in stone yet!

The tour of Sooth Africa looks like it's been consigned to the dustbin for the second year runnin', by the way!

For news of wor Under 17s tour of Northern Ireland, 'scroll doon the page'!

Friday, 7 June 2013

BIG BILLY "DAFT AZ A BRUSH!"*** RIP! ***'FAIRS CUP GUS'***RIP!

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 7th Joon 2013

Obituaries

Sad news reaches uz through the grapevine of the death of a Toon fan caalled Big Billy Robinson who hailed from Lobley Hill!

Billy who waz larger than life and az "daft az a brush", went with me to several away games in the 1970's alang with hiz sidekick 'Punter the Hunter'!

Billy once sat on the bonnet of mee car az we drove slowly through very thick fog on the way back from Liverpool one day, with hiz hand on hiz foreheed az he gave me frantic directions, to stop me runnin off the road! (yi could anly see aboot six feet in front!)

It waz hilarious az we drove ower the 'A66' cross Pennine route with Billy shoutin' and baallin instructions az he peered into the 'pea-souper'!

We were later stopped by some traffic 'Dibbles' near Scotch Corner and aa waz given the breatherlizer az Billy ranted and raved in the backgroond!
Aa passed the test and we were allowed to carry on wor way!

Anothaa fan who sadly died after the Arsenal game caalled 'Gus', waz a regular on wor Fairs Cup  'jaunts' in the 1960s and who a'd had a (few!)drink with in Bordeaux centre, before wor Europa League game last season!

Both will be sadly missed

RIP  Billy and Gus  

"SIXTY SIX!***SIXTY SIX!***SIX!"---ON THE SIXTH OF THE SIXTH @ SIX O' SIX!!!!!"

Posted '12:55pm bells' Friday 7th Joon 2013

"EURO MILLIONS HERE WE COME!"

"BELIEVE IT OR NOT!?"

Yesterday, 'The Geordie Times' reached anothaa mind bogglin' 'milestone' <(or shud that read 'millstone'?) when we clocked up 'hit number'---wait for it!--- SIX*SIX*SIX*SIX*SIX! (66,666th!) and are now two thords of the way to 'the holy grail' ? of 100,000 aall-time pageviews!

The most amazin' thing aboot this iz that, that total waz reached at approximately six minutes past six last neet, which of course waz the sixth day of the sixth month!!!!

Aa waz at 'graft' when this amazin' coincidence happened last neet and @ exactly 'six bells' we had wor 66,665th hit.
10 hits were recieved in the next hour, at an average of one every SIX minutes, meanin' that wor 66,666th hit probably happened at SIX minutes past the hour!

A'M NOW GANNIN' TO GET 'WOR LASS' TO PUT THE EURO MILLIONS LOTTERY ON TOMORROW, FOR CERTAIN! (we normally divvint bothaa!)

The 'top ten' countries, territories and planets to view us haz now reached a grand total of 138 (139 includin' Mars!)

The Top Ten
1 UK***34,233
2 USA***10,624
3 Ukraine***3,183
4 China***1,680
5 Jawmany***1,368
6 The Guinness Republic***980
7 Rushaa***876
8 Spain***792
9 Greece***680
10 France***475




"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE---MAAN!"


PS: WE WILL OF COURSE LET YOO KNOW IF WE WON THE 'JACKPOT!'                         ---WATCH THIS SPACE!!!

PS: WE ACTUALLY GOT SIX NUMBERS!!!
UNFORTUNATELEEE!--THEY WERE ON TWO! LINES!

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

PRE SEASON FIXTURES 2013-2014 ***SOME NEWS AT LAST! ("LET'S 'MILK IT'!")

Posted '1:25pm bells' Wednesday 5th Joon 2013

COLRAINE SHOWGROUNDS
("NEW GROOND!***NEW GROOND!")

Although we still have ne concrete news of forthcomin' forst team pre season friendlies, we DE! have some times, dates AND venues for wor Under 17s, who are playin in the annual 'Northern Ireland Milk Cup' at the back end of next month!

Mon 29th July '3:30 bells'
Toon U17s v O'Higgins U17s of Chile @ Colraine Showgrounds

Tue 30th July '8:00 bells'
Toon U17s v County Armargh U17s @ Ballymena Showgrounds

Wed 31st July '7 bells'
Toon U17s v The Liverbirds U17s @ Riada Stadium, Ballymoney

IF? we make the knockoot stage, we will be playin' again on Thu 1st August and Fri 2nd August at venues to be conformed!

Any news of forst team/resorve team fixtures, will of course, be brought to yoo, wor loyal reeeders az soon az we find oot!

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

2013-2014 PRE SEASON FRIENDLIES ***LATEST RUMOURS!

Posted '1:30pm bells' Tuesday 4th Joon 2013

An away friendly against Rangers haz now been bandied aboot for pre season, (alang with the visit to Blackpool Tower!), but the proposed tour of Sooth Africa looks like it will bite the dust once again!?

So divvint pack your safari shorts just yet and 'dig your tartan kilt oot of the warbrobe instead!

Nothin'!---az usual haz been conformed from NUFC and we can anly wait and speculate, just where we will be gannin'!?

Aalso mentioned iz a trip to Portugal for two games against unspesified team at unspesified venues! <(so be ready to pack your sun tan lotion az well!)

Wot we naa so far:
Forst team:
Blackpool friendly?
Rangers friendly?
Portugal friendleeez??
Sooth African tour???

SO! yoo can start bookin' your trips now!---Thanx to 'The Geordie Times' of course!

PS: The Under 17's trip to Northern Ireland at the end of July, STILL gans aheed az far az we naa, but again, ne venues or match dates have been released yet?< (Az per usual, just to make it just a bit harder for the dedicated 'Toonhoppers' to organise anythin'!)

Sunday, 2 June 2013

WORLD TOP TEN AVERAGE LEAGUE GATES***2012-2013

Updated '9:30am bells' Sunday 2nd Joon 2013

'The Geordie Times' can exclusivleee reveal that The Toon are STILL in TENTH position in the European average gates league despite wor poor showin' in the Premya Leegue (we were 14th best supported last season!)
Az clubs from Europe are the best supported in the world, it meeenz that we are aalso tenth best supported club in the univorse az well!!!
The latest top ten average league gates aroond the world are az follows: (or at least in Spain, Jawmany, Holland and England!

Borussia Dortmund have taken ower top spot from Barcelona since we last updated this page in January 2013 and they drop doon to thord place behind 'The Cockney Reds'  


1 Borussia Dortmund***80,520
2 The Cockney Reds of Salford***75,529
3 Barcelona***73,864
4 Real Madrid***71,555
5 Bayern Munich***71,000
6 Shalke 04***61,076
7 The Arse***60,079
8 Hamburg***52,916
9 Ajax****51,037
10 THE TOON***50,517

*The latest 'Premier League' and the 'top 20 north east average gates' can aalso be viewed in the toolbar @ the top of this page ---just 'click' onto it and 'gan'!

Tomorrow 'The Geordie Times' will publish the complete attendance records of The Toon and the SMBs, gannin back 120 years!
Who do YEE think iz the best supported of aall time???---yi'll just have to wait and see!

Saturday, 1 June 2013

NORTH EAST ENGLAND TOP 20 SUPPORTED CLUBS 2012-2013

Updated '11:00am bells' Saturday 1st Joon 2013

The final list of gates of the 'Top 20' supported clubs in the north east for season 2012-2013 are az follows! (average leegue gates) compiled by 'The Geordie Times' "statitition on a mission"!

 ST JAMES' PARK***THE HOME OF THE NORTH EAST'S
BEST SUPPORTED CLUB FOR THE 13th SEASON IN A ROW!
(The Gallowgate End)

1 The Toon****50,517
2 The SMBs----40,544
3 The Smoggies----16,207
4 The Monkey Hangers****3,613
5 Darlo****1,319''
6 Berwick Strangers****917
7 Gatesheed Heed Bangers****618
8 Spenny****404
9 Whitley Baywatchers****368
10= The Spartans of Blyth****326
10= Bishops****326
12 Pit Yakkers from Ashington****242
13 Marske****215
14 The Bad Blue Boys from Dunston****197
15 West Auckland Toon****195
16 Guisborough Toon****193
17 Shildon****188
18 Aycliffe****170
19 Billy Toon****168
20 Sooth Shields****164



(Can aallso be viewed in the tool-bar @ the top of the page!)

Tomorrow (Sunday)  'The Geordie Times' will publish the top ten average attendances in the world!
ARE NUFC in the top ten???---Yi'll just have to wait and see! (watch this space!)

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