"FUNNY SHAPED BALLS COME TO ST JAMES'!"

Posted '10:55am bells' Saturday 30th May 2015

The 'Magic Weekend' of Rugby Leeegue comes to St James' Park this afternoon and tomorrow when 12 teams take part, with 3 games today and (yiv guessed it!) 3 games tomorrow!

The 12 teams takin' part are: Salford v Widnes (today) (2:30 bells),
Hull v Hull KR (4:45 bells), Leeds v Wigan (7 bells)

Tomorrow: Catalan v 'uddersfield (1 bells), St Helens v Warrington (3:15 bells) and finaleee!: Castleford v Wakefield (5:30 bells)

Ower 60,000 tickets have been selt so far for the 2 day tournament and tickets are priced at £25 for 1 day and £40 for a 2 day ticket!

Beleeeve it or not!?---'The Geordie Times' 'mad-sad groundhoppers' have actually been to SIX of theeze groonds watchin' wor Forst team, resorves and junior sides!:

'uddersfield (v 'uddersfield juniors and 1st team)
Widnes (v Everton resorves),
Hull (Hull City v 1st team),
St Helens (v Liverpool resorves),
Warrington (v Liverpool resorves) and
Wakefield (v Leeds resorves)

Az mentioned above, Hull RFC are playin' Hull Kingston Rovers in the 2nd game this afternoon and I have a great story to tell aboot a 'work visit' to Hull Flour Mill back in 1975, when I waz 'accused' of bein' a 'Hull RFC' fan by a 'Hull KR' fan!

(see ground number 40 below!)   

040 boothferry park ,hull

(GROUND NUMBER 40)

Date of First Visit: 10th AUGUST 1976

BOOTHFERRY PARK, KINGSTON UPON HULL

HULL CITY 0 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0

ANGLO-SCOTTISH CUP

ATTENDANCE 4,715

　

　

"DON'T CROSS THAT RIVER!"

　

　

The most famous thing that comes from Hull iz the suspension bridge that spans the Humber, SO  l-o-n-g, that when they built the towers at each end they had tih be slightly oot of 'sinc' to allow for the curviture of the Earth!. <(It's true I tell yoo!) 

After that it's the City's two Rugby League clubs, 'Hull' and 'Hull Kingston Rovers'.

The thord best thing tih come from Hull iz said tih be the nightlife in the city centre where 'stag neets' and 'hen does' dee the roonds (not az good az the Bigg Market or Quayside, though!)

Finally!--wih come to 'Hull City F.C.' who were the 'poor relations' of the city, (in the 1970's at least) and who's 'claim tih fame' iz that they came from the largest city in England NEVER to have had a club in the top flight of the Futbaall League with a population of ower twice that of the Toons! (SOME 'claim'?)

　

In the 1970's ah used tih gan tih Hull quite regularly in mee Lorry az R.H.M. Flour Mills who ah worked for in Gatesheed (nuw the new Baltic Art Centre next tih the Millenium Bridge) had a mill next tih the River Hull which splits the City of Kingston Upon Hull in half .

This in torn leads to the River Humber and to the North Sea beyond.

Hull Rugby League Club play on the west side of the 'Hull' (az do 'Hull City') and hated arch rivels 'Kingston Rovers' on the east side.

Nuw ah mention this for a very good reason, for RHMs' mill in Hull was on the east side of the river.

One winters day while ah was deliverin' tih the Hull mill, ah went tih the canteen for some 'Desperate Dan'.

Az ah waited in the queue, a big fat mill worker clocked mee Toon scarf that ah was wearin' and said:

"YA ON'T WRONG SIDE OF THE RIVER LADDIE!"---"THE WRONG SIDE!"

That's a strange thing tih say tih somebody, ah thought, so ah asked him what he meant?.

"THIS IS 'ROVERS' SIDE OF THE RIVER, GET BACK TO YER OWN SIDE!", he added pointin' menacingly at mee scarf.

Then ah 'tumbled' what he meant!. Coz ah was wearin' a black 'n' white scarf he thought ah was a Hull RFC fan. (who play in black 'n' white hoops!)

"NO!---NO!", This iz a NEWCASTLE UNITED scarf!", ah said, pointin' tih the club crest on the front.

"SORRY MATE!"---THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE OF THEM B*******!", he added az he 'sheepishly' scurried away!---- 'Pagger' avoid!, and ah settled doon tih eat mee 'scran' in peace!.

(Who says anly futbaall fans hate each other?)

*********************
Anyway!---and back to wor game v Hull City in the Anglo-Scottish Cup in '76'----Wih combined this midweek trip with a weeks boozin' holiday in 'Sunny Scarborough' and 'sunny' iz the reet word!, coz this was the summer of '76' when the heatwave went on for aboot EIGHT WEEKS!, withoot a drop of rain in sight!. (Oh for 'the good old days'!---in this day and age yi'd be lucky if a 'heatwave' lasted for aboot EIGHT HOURS!) (WHATEVER HAPPENED tih wor SUMMERS?)

Wih based worsels at the 'Granby Hotel', a smaall guest hoose not far from the seafront and on wor forst neet wih went on a 'bender' and got totally 'rat-arsed'! (Az yih de!)

This did'nt gan doon well with the guest hoose owner az 'Dylan' hoyed up on the stair carpet!, 'Santy' fell ower and smashed a potted plant on the forst floor landin'!, someone else (who shall remain nameless!) p***** the bed! (NOT me!) and AH fell asleep in a flower bed! in the front garden coz ah could'nt find mee key! (which was just az well coz ah could'nt waalk and would'nt have been able tih climb the stairs, anyway!)

NOT! the kind of 'bed' ah envisaged a'd be sleepin' in---but a 'bed' just the same!)

(GOOD START---EH!?)

Next day az wih 'tiptoed' doon for 'brekkies', (the manager eventually lerriz in, coz he said ah made the garden look untidy!) there were stoney faces and sore heeds aplenty and apologies aall roond!

Afta wor 'bacon'n'eggs' and black coffees wih made wor way tih the sea front for some fresh air tih stop wor heeds spinnin' and tih sober up from the previous neets 'gargel'!

Ah was the one that had tih drive tih Hull that day for this Anglo-Scottish Cup tie and ah insisted on havin' a few hours 'off the hootch' before ah got behind the wheel.

The others agreed AND!----'WENT ON THE HOY!' in the 'Newcastle Packet' (a well named 'waaterin' hole' ower the road from the beach) leavin' me tih 'kick mee heels' ON the beach!

("F*****' C***S!")

"YEE GAN AN' GET THE 'JAM JAR' AND WE'LL WAIT HERE FOR YIH!", shouted 'Burnsy' az he knocked back the forst 'Arthur', withoot touchin' the sides!

(like ah said!---"F*****' C***S!")

Afta a bit 'sulk' ah went back tih wor digs tih get mee 'Escort' which was parked in a side street next tih the guesthoose. Ah 'sneaked' past the front window tih avoid the manager az things were still a bit 'frosty' between us afta the previous neets 'shinanaginz'!

Ah picked the lads up (who were canny sorved again!) and wih heeded for Kingston Upon Hull, some forty miles doon the east coast.

On the way wih stopped of at Bridlington for a 'mid-jorney-gargel', (coke for me a'm afraid!---"sulk!"---"sulk!") but the place was 'deed and full of aad biddies and aad gadgies, so wih did'nt stop lang! (we were just 'young pups' in wor orly 20's)

("ER!"---NUW! (some 40 years lataa)---WE are the 'AAD gadgies'!)

(Time DOES! fly?---aboot ten thoosand miles an hour!---mee finx!?)

We arrived at Boothferry Park sometime later and parked up beside a boozer near the groond which unusually had SIX floodlights! (4 in each corner and 2 owerlookin' the halfway line) <(er! that's the groond NOT the boozer!)

The groond waz very impressive and had quite a bit of cover which waz unusual in them days!--There waz ne segregation and but the Hull fans seemed friendly enough az we stood in the end nearest the main road!

MATCH REPORT:

A thoroughleee cr*p game ended 0-0 and we heeded back to Scarborough unimpressed with wor performance!
END OF MATCH REPORT!

And the moral of the story iz!: "Divvint cross the River Hull wearin' a Toon scarf under any circumstances!"    

"DIDN'T WE JUST KNOW IT!"

Posted '3:20pm bells' Friday 29th May 2015

"NEW CONTRACT?---NO!---IT'S MY HOLIDAY ITINERARY!"

   
News that NO decision haz been made on John 'the best coach' Carver's future, despite the club promising to do so by the end of this week, comes az NO surprise to us!
They said that they would let him know before he went away on holiday--but predicably they HAVVENT and have left him (and hiz backroom staff) in limbo with just 35 days to gan before pre season trainin' starts again on July 2nd! <(that's reet!--just 35 days before it aall starts again!)

SO many names have been bandied aboot to just who 'might'? succeed Carver, shud he get the 'bullet', but of course NUFC are after a 'dogsbody 'yes-man' manager' who will "do as he is told" and who doesn't want tooo much pocket money--like!

We at 'The Geordie Times' can see this draggin' on throughoot June and of course NO maanager meenz NO new signings!

Same again next season?---we shall see ---but divvint HAAD your breath!

'PENFOLD' TO DECIDE WOR FATE!

Posted '1:35pm bells' Wednesday 27th May 2015

"I WONDER IF JOKE KINNEAR IS STILL AVAILABLE?"

News that wor beloved managin' director known affectionately az 'Penfold' to Toon fans, haz been given sole responsibility (alang with the 'board'?) of pickin' wor next manager/coach, haz sent shock waves aroond Tyneside!

Former understudy and 'dogsbody' to former club secretary Russell Cushing, 'Penfold's knowledge of futbaall management can be written on the back of a second class postage stamp and we can anly hope that he (somehow!) picks the right man (ie: NOT! Joke Kinnear---NOT! John 'the pie' Carver and NOT! 'The Wally with the Brolly' who waz unceremoniously sacked by Derby Coonty yesterday!)

We await with trepidation to see just how next season will 'unfold' with 'Penfold' steerin' the 'HMS Newcastle' this time!---hopefully not into some rocks or an iceberg!

THE TOON 2 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 25th May 2015

"IF YI HIGHER THAN the mackems CLAP YI HANDS!"

"GET THE CHAMPAGNE  OOT!"

At last!---sommik to cheer!---sommik to celebrate?---After 12 lang weeks of misery we can finally let wor hair doon and party!

The fact that it came doon to the last day of the season, not knowin' wethaa we would be heedin' for Rotherham, MK Dons or Chelski next season, made it the worst day for finger bitin' since we went doon @ Villa in 2009!

The talk in The Bodega Bar before the match waz 'just that' az we downed more liquid lubrications than normal before a game to make sure we were a bit 'comatosed' by kick off time!
Veteran 'old git' fan 'Dave from York' telt me that he had just completed 65 years of watchin' The Toon and had witnessed 5 relegations! <(lets hope this wasn't 'number 6' today!)

"65 YEARS OF SADNESS!"

I arrived on the concourse of 'level 7' to witness an amazin' event!---The Fat Controller waz speakin' on the telly!?-----and told the SKY reporter that he WAS'NT leavin' til we'd won a 'cup' and that he would invest some money into new players etc and spend and punch 'above our weight'! <(az he weighs a 'canny bit' he must meeen aboot £100,000,000!) 
('The Geordie Times' said that he wouldn't attend the game--so he obviously reedz this website and decided he HAD to come to prove us wrong!)


"SUPER HERO SPIDERMAN!"

Then to the main event!---We started off well and nearly took the lead @ The Leazes End in the forst minute when Riviere shot across the box to huge roars from the crowd--who were 100% behind the team!


"LET THE FINGER BITIN BEGIN!"


There waz a scare a couple of minutes later @ The Gallowgate End when Wiiliamson clattered Valencia in the box but the ref waved 'play on'!
The lad who sits 2 seats from me had hiz transistor radio plugged into hiz right lug and waz listenin' to the Hull v Man U game!

He telt us that Hull had had TWO goals disallowed and that they were 'aall over' Man U! <(the nerves were janglin'!)

We were the better of the 2 sides in front of us az (thankfully!) 'The Jellied Eels Mob' were 'p*ss poor'!

It waz 0-0 at half time and 0-0 at Hull, meanin' that WE were still in 'the drivin seat' to avoid relegation, az Hull HAD to win to gan above us!

And then in the 2nd half the vital breakthrough came!--- Super hero 'Spiderman' crossed the baall to 'The Sissoko Kid' and he heeded home past the disppearin' West Ham keeper to lift the roof off the groond!

WE were on 'a high' and then a few minutes later Anita broke clear to race up the pitch with 3 colleagues in pursuit with ne West Ham defenders in sight!--It must be '2-0' we thought but Anita tried to pass the baall, but goalie Adrian somehow managed to save it and the easiest chance to put the game beyond doubt waz gone!

However!---With Hull and Man U still at stalemate and with just 5 minutes to gan, wor survival waz completed when super hero 'Spiderman' hit a shot from the edge of the box which deflected into the net off a defender and off he raced to the dugout shirt twirlin' in the air to be congratulated by a very relieved John Carver and the rest of the coachin' staff!   GAME OWER! FINGER NAIL BITIN' OWER!--

Lets gan on 'the hoy' and celebrate wor great escape from the abyss!---More good news waz to follow when we foond oot that the SMBs had lost 3-1 at Chelski, meanin' that we finished above them in the final leegue table az we partied in 'The Leazes End Club'! "If yi higher than the mackems clap yi hands!" the packed club sang az we danced the night away! <(had we won a 'cup' or something?)

It waz then off to 'The Newcastle Arms' where 'Grumpy Stumpy' had promised to buy a bottle of Champagne, shud we avoid the drop! ---Some joy? at last in an aaful season to forget!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Williamson,
Dummett, Sissoko, Anita (Gouffran 88), Colback,
Gutierrez <(Spiderman!), Riviere, Cisse

Attendance: 52,094 (3,000 'Jellied Eels' shoutin' for 'Fat Sam's heed! <(he waz sacked 3 minutes after the final whistle!)

Final average attendance for season: 50,263 (3rd highest in Britain again!) *      

HULL HELL!---OR HAPPINESS!?"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 22nd May 2015

WELL!--- the weekend iz aalmost upon us az we contemplate the consequences of a possible demotion to the Championship once again under The Fat Controller's 8 year tenure at The Toon.

With average gates of 50,000 plus we shud never ever be in this situation--but yet again we are!

I can't find ONE Toon fan who thinx we can beat West Ham on Sunday and yoo can bet your bottom dollar that 'Fat Sam' will want hiz 'revenge' for hiz sackin' from NUFC a few years ago! <(by The Fat Controller!)

Ne wins in TEN make very sorry readin' and it will be desperate stuff come '3 bells' Sunday az the nation watches from beyond their telly screens <(It's been moved to SKY's MAIN MATCH of the day!)

We are therefore relyin' on Man U to de us a favour <(az if they would?) by eethaa beatin' or drawin' with Hull--which will send them doon!---However!--- Hull have a better goal difference than us and shud they win and we draw or lose, then it will be us who face life in the abyss next season!

Realistically, Man U can anly finish 4th (unless they get a cricket score!) and so we expect a much changed team to line up at 'The KC' in Hull from them az they have nowt to play for!

Ne doubt that everybodys 'mobile' will be tuned into just wots gannin' on at Hull from St James' and fingers will be bitten to the bone come '5 bells' on 'Survival Sunday' afternoon!< (az SKY have inevitably dubbed it!)

Aaall dependin' on the outcome, 'The Geordie Times' will publish the match report on Munday <(if we are safe!) and 'god naaz when' if we are not!
FINGERS, TOES and EYES CROSSED!   *

"BIG DADDY RULES OK!"

Posted '12:42 pm bells' Thorsday 21st May 2015

COMPULSIVE VIEWING FOR AALL NUFC PLAYERS!

Followin' the SMBs draw at 'The Arse' last neet, it now meenz that it's between 'Broken Nose Bruce's Hull side and 'John ('I'm the Best Coach') Carver's NUFC who will join Bornley and QPR in 'the abyss' next season!

It's been anothaa bizarre week with Carver tellin' the players not to watch the telly, gan onto social media sites or listen to the radio in fear that it might (just might!) upset a few of them of the impendin' criticism followin'  NINE defeats in the last TEN games!

They CAN! however (with hiz explicit permission!) watch re-runs of the 'aall in wrestlin' with 'Giant Haystacks', 'Kendo Nagasaki' and 'Big Daddy' instead, to keep their minds off 'Survival Sunday' (az SKY haz dubbed it!)

The players 'reward' for the 2nd half capitulation against QPR last Saturday waz to give them Munday and Tuesday OFF! <(to watch the wrestlin' ne doubt!) <(and to play golf!)



"WE GET IT 'WONG' AGAIN!"

However!--a cunnin' plan haz been unveiled to fool West Ham into a false sense of security on Sunday!---We have discarded wor traditional black n white stripes for 'a number' with blue lines runnin' through the stripes on the front --- and an AALL WHITE back!

'Fat Sams Jellied Eels Mob' will think that they must be playin' Real Madrid when we are runnin' back to defend and they will (hopefully!?) collapse like 'a  pack of cards' because of this!---AND!--- hand us the 3 points! <(a 'master stroke' by Carver!)

"IZ THAT RONALDO'S SHIRT?"

There's one thing that an absolute certainty about the result though!  We WONT be playin' Hull in a leegue game next season!

QPR RAG & BONE MEN 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 17th May 2015

REEELY! 'The Geordie Times' iz virtually speechless after wor latest 'disastrous despicable display ' against QPR @ Loftus Road yesterday, which leaves us on the brink of relegation on the last day of the season and we will let the pictures 'de the talkin' until we can bring worsels to de a match report on the game!

Picture ONE: The Shakespeare bar in Holborn, London (pre match)



THE WRITING SAYS: "LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER!"

Picture 2: "SAY NO MORE!" 

Picture 3: Durin' the match when we went 2-1 doon!

 

 

Picture 4: Post match at Notting Hill Gate tube station!

 

 

Match report WILL appear here tomorrow sometime!---eventually!

 

 

Updated Munday 18th May 2015

 

"SHEPHERD'S BUSH SURRENDER!"

 

Before the match we were enjoyin' worsels drinkin' in various liquid lubrication locations around London and then it waz time for wor PUNISHMENT!

 

We trooped up to the ground in trepidation, not knowin' just wot would happen against a team who hadn't won a home game for 5 months and were relegated last week by a 6-0 thrashin' in Manchester!

 

We started off the better of the 2 teams and even took the lead in the 24th minute through Riviere, who scored hiz FORST ever Premyaa Leegue goal in aboot 21 starts to send the 2,000 or so Toon fans in The School End wild with delight!

We had chances to increase wor lead--but didn't and this waz to prove costly in the 2nd half!

 

They equalised in the 54th minute through a heeder from an unmarked Phillips and just a few minutes later total disaster struck when a volley from Fer beat Krul aall ends up!

We were pathetic in this half and there seemed 'ne way back' at this point!

 

Substitute Cisse summed up wor plight when he hit a weak free kick straight at their goalie and that waz the final action of the match!

The sight of Carver with hiz heed in hiz hands (see pic above!) and Colback with hiz shirt ower hiz heed summed it aall up!

 

Anly Hull could save us now and we hord that they were losin' 2-0 at Sporz to keep us oot of the bottom 3!

 

Wot a sad state of affairs!---Wor last game against 'Fat Sam's 'Jellied Eels Mob' next Sunday looks like a 'no brainer', so it iz highly likely that we must rely on Man U to save wor skins at Hull---The SMBs arnt safe yet eetha and one of the three of us will be in the Championship next season!

 

After the match we heeded for various parts of London again to drown wor sorrows (yet again!) before catchin' the '9 bells' train back to the Toon for the last time this season! <(a DRY train of course!)

 

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Gutierrez, Colback, Ryan Taylor (Aarons 64), Cabella (Sammy Ameobi 73), Sissoko, Perez, Riviere (Cisse 63)

 

Attendance: 17, 608 (2,000 fed up Toon fans!) *    

THE SHEPHERD'S BUSH RAG & BONE MEN v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Posted '12:28pm bells' Friday 15th May 2015

We face wor 8th and last trip to 'The Smoke' this season @ QPR('10' if yoo include wor Youth Cup game @ Millwaall and resorve game against 'The Arse' @ Borehamwood!) and a more important game to play yoo couldn't imagine!

'The Rag and Bone Men' from Shepherd's Bush are aalready dead and buried in the relegation stakes followin' their 6-0 slaughter @ Man City last week and we can anly hope that they play like they did against 'The Blue Moonies' come Saturday afternoon!

We of course are ne 'world beaters' worsels havin' picked up just ONE point in the last ELEVEN weeks and if WE play like we did against Lestaa in wor last away game, then I'm afraid it's a lost cause!
We are relyin' 'heavily' on 'Broken Nose Bruce's Hull side to lose their last 2 games against Sporz in London (on the same day az us) and Man U @ home in their final game a week on Sunday! (Plus losses for The SMBs, Villa and Lestaa!)

WE are travellin' doon on the '6:30 bells' train in the mornin' and are heedin' for the London district of Holborn for the pre match 'gargels'!

Hopefully Cisse iz fit to play and we put in a better performance like we did against West Brom in wor last home game, when we 'secured' a point from the giants? of the West Midlands (1 point oot of the last 27 by the way!)

These are indeed desperate times for anybody of a black n white persuasion and anythin' less than a win <(wots one of those?) could put us in the bottom 3 (shud Hull win!)

Match report and pix will be forthcomin' sometime on Sunday <(if aa can bring meesel to de it!)

PS: 'IF' we gan into wor last game of the season on Sunday week against West Ham and we are SURE of wor Premyaa Leegue status, then we predict that 'The Fat Controller' WILL definitely be there in the directors box!
However!---shud we NOT be safe from relegation, then we  predict that  he WONT be there! <(ie: the act of a coward not able to face hiz tormentors!)




PPS: for a archive match report from wor game against QPR in London 47 years ago, gan to ground '006 loftus road, qpr' in the right hand column!
 (archive grounds match report list)

TOON'S TEXAS TRIP IN TURM'OIL'!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 13th May 2015


DESTINATION DALLAS!---(OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!???)


News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that wor planned pre season trip to the oil rich state of Texas in the USA might NOT now tek place!

Swanzee'z website claims that Swanzee, alang with Mexican clubs Chivaz and Pachhula, Casablanca of Morocco, Lyonnais of France and Malaga of Spain will teake part in a six team tournament between July 11th and 19th, but there iz ne mention whatsoever of NUFC takin' part, az expected!?

Az per usual wor club keep us in the dark!---(until the last minute of course!), az to just where we will be gannin next pre season!

We will keep yoo updated if we find anythin' oot!

Watch this space! (But divvint haad your breath!)

JOHN (THE PIE) CARVER *** LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD!

Posted '10:38am bells' Munday 11th May 2015

Followin' John Carver's magnificent record of securin' ONE point in the last TEN weeks, NUFC have given him a lifetime achievement award to show their gratitude!

(Special thanx to wor rovin' paparazzi reporter 'International Russcue' for this excluuusive photo which waz taken at the awards ceremony on hiz zoom lenz camera!)

THE TOON 1 THE BAGGIE TROOOSERS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 10th May 2015

"AND TEN WEEKS LATER!---A POINT TO PROVE!"

Anothaa desperate day at Gallowgate ended with us pickin' up a valuable point against 'The Baggie Trooosers' and end the rot of 8 successive defeats!--wor forst point in TEN WEEKS!

West Brom went close orly on when they hit the post at The Gallowgate End and then we fell for wor usual 'sucker punch' set piece defendin', when West Brom took the lead through a heeded goal from Anichebe from a free kick on the left!

Sissoko then went close for us but the feet of Myhill in the visitors goal saved the day for them!
At this point in time with othaa scores comin' through we were actually in a relegation place for NINE minutes, but Perez saved wor day after a Ryan Taylor free kick foond hiz feet and he rifled the baall into the far corner of The Leazes goal to bring us back on level torms!

The 2nd half waz desperate az well az we tried in vain to find a way past the West Brom defence!
Lady luck waz again on wor side when a mad scramble in 'The Leazes' box ended up with the visitors hittin' the woodwork once again!

It ended 1-1 to stop the rot and the anly savin' grace of the day waz Hull's defeat to Bornley who, ironically, were relegated because of othaa results!

We now drop to FOURTH bottom of the table with anly Hull, QPR and now relegated Bornley below us!

John 'The Pie' Carver and self proclaimed: "Best coach in the Premyaa Leegue!" said after the game that anly 'one team' wanted to win this!---conveniently forgettin' that the visitors hit the wookwork twice! <(self delusion or not?)

Two points above Hull with just two games left against bottom side QPR away (who will probably be relegated this afternoon!) and 'Big Fat Sam's 'mid-table' 'Jellied Eels Mob' on the last day of the season @ St James'----an easy run in?--divvint bet on it! 

One Sunday paper reported that: "If there was a pot-hole into which to stumble and break your ankle, rely on the Geordies to find it!" <(Tooo true mate!)

Toon team: Krul, Anita (Abeid 92), Coloccini, Dummett, Gutierrez, Sissoko, Ryan Taylor, Colback, Perez (Sammy Ameobi 85), Riviere (Cisse 69), Cabella

Attendance: 47,894 (1,800 Baggie Trooosers in level 7 of The Leazes End) *   

Amazingly wor average gates are still above the 50,000 mark! 50,262 to be exact--although the two previous home attendances were much lower than stated because of boycotts!
ie: They included season ticket 'non attenders' *

PS: Congratulations to North Sheeeldz who won the FA Vase @ Wembley yesterday by beatin' Glossop North End 2-1 !

They are the FIFTH Tyneside team to lift the coverted trophy!
The othaaz are: Blue Star (Newcastle), Whitley Bay, Whickham and 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston!

THE TOON v THE BAGGIE TROOSERS *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Posted '11:19am bells'  Saturday 9th May 2015

"ONCE UPON A TIME!"

DIVVINT WORRY!---Everything will be 'aalreet' by toooneet' az John Carver haz stated he iz: "The best coach in The Premyaa Leegue!"
He aalso haz a piece of paper, immaculately hand written in Spanish by club captain Coloccini, which tells us to: "Get behind the club and not to worry!" ^(Aa nevaa realised that Carver could read 'Spanish'?)
(Coloccini even sent ME a personal 'e-mail' the othaa day, repeatin' wot waz in the letter!) <'The Geordie Times' DOES have influence after aall!

The SMBs play Everton away at dinnertime ('12:45 bells') and we can anly hope and pray (once again!) that 'The Toffee Noses' de us a big favour and 'put them to the sword'---we shall naa by '3 bells' this afternoon, just where we stand!

It reeely iz 'squeaky bum time' now and anything but a win for us will be a mitigatin' disaster! (Especially if Hull beat Bornley at home!)

Just wot team 'Pie-man' Carver will send oot iz anybodys guess??? but they have promised <(for the NINTH time in a row) to put in a committed performance---lets hope so or we are 'cattle trucked'

Full 'Geordie Times' match report to follow sometime on Sunday (dependin' on 'where we are' in the Leegue by tooneet!)

PS: Best of luck to North Sheeeldz who are playin' Glossop in the FA Vase final this afternoon at Wembley!

GANNIN' SLIGHTLEEE MAD!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 8th May 2015

 "I AM THE BEST COACH IN THE PREMYAA LEEGUE!"

Of course results under 'Pie-man' Carver's 5 month tenure bare hiz statement oot!
ONE home win since the beginning of January and ONE away win in the same period! (Won 2, drawn 3, LOST 12!:  Goals for, 14 goals against, 33)

That's TWO wins in total oot of SEVENTEEN games and EIGHT defeats in a row to give him a 'new club record'!
(Jose must be quaking in hiz boots!)



A certain 'Queen' record comes to mind!

 

 

PS: "We hear that the  NUFC team bus begs to differ with Carver's statement!"

"SIXTY YEARS AND STILL WAITIN'!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 7th May 2015

60 years ago today NUFC won wor LAST domestic trophy when Jimmy Scouler lifted the FA Cup @ Wembley!
We beat Man City 3-1 in front of a 100,000 crowd!
'Wor Jackie' Milburn, Bobby Mitchell and George Hannah scored wor goals!

I can remember wavin' my rattle that day! <(I waz in my PRAM!)

"THAT'S SIXTY YEARS ---AND COONTIN'!"
We ARE an impatient lot!---arnt we!?

NUFC ******** NEW SHIRT SPONSORS!

Posted '1:23pm bells' Wednesday 6th May 2015

Excluuusive news reaches 'The Geordie Times' from one of wor most dedicated and intrepid paparazzi reporters, namely, 'International Russcue', that NUFC will have new shirt sponsors for next season! 

"YI JUST COULDN'T MAKE THIS UP!"

Posted '9:02pm bells' Munday 4th May 2015

"GET YOUR SUNDAY 'CARVERY' HERE!"

TRUE STORY!-- News that will 'rock yoo to the core'---'The Geordie Times' lorns that John 'The Pie' Carver used to be the manager of 'The Denton' pub's  Sunday Leegue side from Newcastle's West Road in the 1980s

They were relegated TWICE from The Sunday Pub Leegue under Carver's leadership!" --This iz NOT a 'wind-up'---it's TRUE!

WOT MORE CAN WE POSSIBLEEEE SAY?????

BOURNEMOOOTH! *** OR! *** "NEW YORK!"??

Posted '7:51pm bells' Munday 4th May 2015

"NO!"---NOT!--THAT 'NEW YORK'!"

News that John 'The Pie' Carver haz been given THREE more games to "Fack us up" haz been conformed by NUFC after 'The Wally with the Brolly' torned us doon to stay at Derby Coonty!

We reeeely divvint naa wot to say???---but we are speechless az to the way the club iz heedin' in the next couple of weeks!

Bournemoooth have been promoted to the Premyaa Leegue and the team who play at 'The New York Stadium' have just avoided relegation to the thord tier of Ing-er-lish futbaall! (Rotherham!)

The question on everybodys lips ---iz!--- just where we will be playin' next season!

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE 3 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:27am bells' Sunday 3rd May 2015


THE TOON MAKE A RARE ATTACK DURIN THE 2nd HALF----
TOOO LATE BY THIS TIME!


"THREE goals against, TWO sendings off and anly ONE outcome!"

Before the match in the club we normally gan te doon here, I predicted that we would lose 2 or 3 nil---that came back to haunt me not lang after az we nosedived toward oblivion!

John Carver's tactic of playin' 10 at the back to try and pinch a point unravelled after barely 30 seconds on the clock when Lestaa took the lead through a heeded goal by Ulloa who beat Coloccini to the baall from a corner kick!

"WOT THE HELL DO I DO NOW!"--Carver surely muttered az he stood in the technical area opposite us, scratchin' hiz heed!

It waz soon 2-0 az the home crowd roared their team on when Morgan beat The Toon defence to toe poke the baall past goalie Tim Krul! Krul appealed for 'offside' but the official were havin' none of it! ----That's TWO-NIL after just 17 minutes!


View from row 'N' seat 409 (away stand tier 1)
("There's anly ONE TIER anyway?")


Pathetic iz the anly way to describe this performance from us and not lang after Morgan's goal The Toon's  Riviere fluffed an easy chance to pull one back!---That's NE goals from him in TWENTY Premyaa Leegue appearences now!

Just after the restart it waz 3-0 "and (not so) good afternoon!" when a needless penalty waz given away by Riviere in the 48th minute!
The 1,900 Toon fans huddled in one corner of the stadium were not impressed az they slagged 'The Fat Contoller,' Carver and the players off!--and one banner summed up wor sorry situation

THE BANNER SAYS: WE DON'T DEMAND A TEAM THAT WINS
WE DEMAND A CLUB THAT TRIES!

TWO 'sendings off' followed when Williamson needlessly hacked doon Vardy in the 62nd minute and then at the death Janmaat followed him to the showers for a 2nd bookable offence!
Williamson's dismissal waz condemned by Carver and he said that in hiz opinion he INTENTIONALLY got himself sent off to miss the next two games!

We have played a total of 803 Premyaa Leegue games and this will surely gan doon az one of wor very worst!
The stats are frightenin' under Carver's stewardship!
EIGHT defeats in a row <(*the WORST in wor entire history!) NE goals in the last FIVE away games, just ONE away win aall year and now just TWO points above the SMBs in the 3rd relegation place with just THREE games to gan to save wor skins!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Coloccini, Dummett, Colback, Ryan Taylor (De Jong 58), Sissoko, Gutierrez, Perez (Armstrong 73), Riviere (Anita 63)

Attendance: 31,576 (includin' 1,915 totally 'p*ssed off' Toon fans!)

*Footnote: Under Richard Dinnis we lose ten leegue games in a row in the 1970s, but in between these losses we won 3-0 against Bohemians in the UEFA Cup to break that sequence---ie: EIGHT defeats in a row under Carver iz wor worst ever in AALL competitive games!) 

Carver later summed up the match when he said:
"On a scale of 1 to 10 that waz MINUS 10!"


The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!:



AFTER THE MATCH IN THE REGENT CLUB---DEFINATLY NOT 'OLD HAPPY HEN'!

SHEFFIELD (ON THE WAY BACK!)

 

THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE v THE TOON *** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 1st May 2015

Next up on the list iz a trip to Lestaa on Saturday it wot haz now become (yet anothaa!) not lose game az we gan into May, still not knowin' just which  division we will be in next season!
Lestaa lost on Wednesday neet to Chelski to end their '4 win streak' and now face a Toon side hopin' to avoid wor 8th loss on the bounce!

We can see 'Pieman' Carver's tactics now!----10 at the back and hope and pray for a point in a goal-less draw! <(lets hope we divvint play in that 'horrid' grey number?) <(it brings us ne luck!)

Shud we fail (and we probably will!) 'The Basil Brush Brigade' will then be just ONE point behind us with THREE games to gan!
Wor allocation of just 1,900 tickets iz selt oot ,az iz the rest of the groond and there iz sure to be a white hot atmosphere to greet us!

We are travellin' doon by train tomorrow @ 7:30 bells' via York, Sheffield and Derby and will be in 'the club' where we normally gan, with (hopefully!) plenty of time to get 'comatosed' before the match which kicks off at 12:45 for the telly!  <(Note the wrang kick off time printed on the match ticket above!) ^^^

History lesson: We forst played @ Leicester 'Fosse' <(az they were then known)  121 years ago on 20th October 1894 in the old 2nd Division, when we drew 4-4 in a thrillin' encoontaa!.
Charlie Dixon, Bill Thompson, Jock Smith and Bobby Willis got wor goals in front of an 8,000 crowd

Aall time record: Played 118, Won 51, Drawn 28, Lost 39

Geordie Times history: a 1st Division game 44 years ago when we lost 3-0 @ Filbert Street---28,792 were present to witness it!
If yoo 'fink things are bad now--then 'fink' again!---Exactly to the day of tomorrows game on 2nd May 1992, we played Lestaa to avoid relegation to the 3rd Division! ('Geordie Times' archive match report now below!)

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix on tomorrow's game will appear here on Sunday sometime

017 filbert street leicester (1992 visit)

(GROUND NUMBER 17 revisited) ◄(been here before---got the ‘tee shirt’!)

Dateline: 2nd MAY 1992

FILBERT STREET, LEICESTER 

 

LEICESTER CITY  1 

NEWCASTLE UNITED  2  (Gavin Peacock, Paul Walsh og)

(OLD) DIVISION TWO

ATTENDANCE 21,861  (3,000 delirious Toon fans!)

 

 

"STAYIN' UP!---STAYIN' UP!---STAYIN' UP!"

 

This is a day that ah winnit forget in a hurry!, as this is the day that the Toon very nearly got relegated tih the old Third Division for the forst time in wor 100 year history.

(But did'nt!)

If the Toon lost this one and Oxford won at Tranmere, then we would be relegated. Leicester on the other hand, were gannin for a place in the play-offs, so, as yih can imagine, the atmosphere was tense tih say the least!.

Ah was like a nervous wreck by the time the match kicked off, and the whole crowd were on tender-hooks!.

The forst half seemed tih flash by, when, deep into injury time, Gavin Peacock scored his 21st goal of the season tih put the Toon ahead, despite a linesman franticly wavin' his flag for offside!.

The Newcastle fans, who were aal standin' on their seats, went absolutely crazy!, then the ref blew for half time which did'nt pleeze the 'City' fans, who started hoyin coins at wih, as we were headin' for the 'toolshed' tih get rid of wor excess 'liquid refreshment'!

The atmosphere had torned very hostile by the time the teams re-amerged from the dressin' rooms for the start of the second half.

Ah can't remember too much aboot this half either?, (probably, coz ah was half-pissed!) but ah knew that as lang as we were winnin', then wi'd be safe.

Then disaster struck!, when Paul Walsh headed an equalizer for Leicester dead on full time!.

Aal of a sudden everythin' had changed.

If Oxford were winnin' at Tranmere, they would owertake us, and we'd gan doon instead!, but neebody seemed tih naa what their score was?.

At that moment, ah was filled with a terrible feelin' of 'dread' of not naa'in what wor fate was, and the anly thing that ah could think aboot at the time, was that if wih went doon, they'd be havin' street parties in 'Mackemland'!.

(After aal, 2,000 Toon fans had went tih Joker Park tih cheer on Gillingham, in the relegation play-offs five years earlier, when the Mackems were ingloriously relegated tih the Third Division, for the forst time in their history!)

(Ah  was'nt  there,  ah  hasten  tih  add,  as  ah  would'nt  be  'seen dead' inside the place, unless Newcastle were playin' there of course!)

The tension was unbearable as the Leicester fans celebrated their goal by invadin' the pitch, and they held up play for aboot five minutes---then!---a few minutes after the pitch was cleared by the local 'Dibble', Leicester's Paul Walsh, amazingly!, torned from 'hero tih villian' when he put through his own goal, with (what torned oot tih be) the last kick of the game!, six minutes into injury time!, tih send the 'Toon Army' into raptures!.

Ah was jumpin' up 'n' doon on mee seat like a 'mad mad possessed', not carin' if ah fell off an' injured meesel!.

The Leicester fans on the other hand, had torned really nasty by nuw, and invaded the pitch again, hoyin everythin' at us, from coins tih broken seats!.

David Elleray the ref, took the players off for their aan safety, and a few minutes later, (on police advice, nee doubt!) it was annouced ower the tannoy that the match would'nt be restarted, and had in fact, been completed!.

(Abandoned more like!?)

Keegan, 'The Messiah' had saved us!----and did wih celebrate!

WHO CARED!, how Oxford were gettin' on nuw!

WHO CARED!, that the Leicester fans were hoyin everythin', bar the kitchen sink at us?

WHO CARED!, if the Mackems would be cryin' in their f***** beer when they foond oot the score?

DEFINATELY NOT ME!, that's for certain!.

                                            

After the match, wih headed for the coaches, and yi'd iv thought wi'd won the League Championship!, and not avoided relegation!, as the Toon fans danced in the streets!.

Personally, ah felt that a 'ten ton weight' had been taken off mee shoulders!.

'King Kev' had saved us from 'a fate worse than death'!, and a 'new chapter' was aboot tih begin in Newcastle's lang and 'tangled' history!.

                                            

Quiz question:

 Newcastle are one of anly eight teams who've NEVER played below the top two divisions.

Can you name the other seven?---withoot lookin' it up!??.

We will give yoo the answers tomorrow at the bottom of this article!---Divvint 'Google' it---NE CHEATIN'!