Tuesday, 29 October 2019

NUFC 3rd BOTTOM OF THE GOALS TABLE in 89th PLACE!

Posted '4:29pm bells' Tuesday 29th October 2019
ALMIRON MISSES ANOTHAA GLORIOUS CHANCE V WOLVES 
AND SLUMPS OWER AN ADVERTISIN HOARDIN IN DISPAIR!

The NUFC goal drought iz put in perspective by the fact that anly Wotfaad and Bolton Wanabeez with FIVE goals each, have scored less goals in leegue futbaall this season!
We currently sit 89th oot of the 91 leegue clubs with just SIX solitary goals in TEN leegue games!
This, (az we reported yesterday) iz the joint worst in wor entire leegue history, stretchin way back to the NINETEENTH CENTURY! (joint worst with last season!)

£40 million number 9 Joelinton, haz just ONE solitary goal in TEN games, while £21 million forward 'Miggy' Almiron has still to score for us in 20 appearances, since he forst played for us last February! (v Wolves az a sub)

That's SIXTY ONE MILLION QUID for 2 players with 30 appearances between them!---and ONE GOAL! (Joelinton at Sporz)
And to 'fink' that we could have had Rondon for £15 million!

Wor 'beloved'? owner known affectionately az 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans, hasn't been to ONE game this season, which shows that he haz nee interest in us at aall--and just wants to pocket the TV money and have hiz horrible advorts plastered aall ower SJP!
A LONE PROTESTER SHOWS AN ANTI 'FAT CONTROLLER' BANNER
DURIN' THE WOLVES GAME!

WE must suffer the consequences of hiz failed transfor and managerial policies---and have to listen to 'Broken Nose Bruce' sayin that he woz "DELIGHTED" with wor forst half performance v Wolves, which woz far from "DELIGHTFUL!" (beleeeve yoo me!) 

The lang slog continues in "eest Landan" next Saturday, when we play 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham! 
Amazingly we have sold oot the away section, where 3,000 lang sufferin fans will be in attendance!
And guess who WON'T be there????
Have yoo seen this man?
Missing for 11 games!

Monday, 28 October 2019

THE TOON 1 WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ 1 * PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '3:33pm bells' Munday 28th October 2019

"SNORE DRAW!"-"ZZZzzz!!!"😴

Wor heed coach ,'Broken Nose Bruce said, "I was delighted the way way we played in the 1st half!", and added, "We forgot to take part in the 2nd half!"

The first half woz indeed better than the second, BUT it woz hardly 'delightful' as we never had one shot on target except for the heeded goal by Lascelles!---Which made him wor joint top goalscorer of the season! (6 others have scored one goal each!)
Almiron missed a glorious chance to score for the forst time, but hit the side nettin', when it looked much easier to score! (He looked a broken man az he slumpted ower a advertising hordin at The Leazes End, just after hiz miss!) However! A ball boys gave him the 'thumbs up', which woz a nice touch!

The second half woz terrible, like Brucey says, and it woz nee suprize when wor visitors equalised through a Debravka misstayk in the 74th minute!

Before Wolves scored we had a free kick near the home dugout. Rather than try and get anothaa goal to seal victory, we passed the baall BACKWARDS and eventually lost possession!
(CRAZY TACTICS!---that badly backfired!)

The atmosphere woz dire az we watched the last few minutes of the game with just 10 men az Sean Longstaff received a red card for showin' hiz studs in the 83rd minute!--and in the end we were lucky to come away with a point, which lifts us to one point above the drop zone with 10 games played in the Premyaa Leegue!
Wor 6 goals in the 10 leegue games played equals the lowest in wor entire 126 leegue history! (6 goals last season az well!)

The reality iz that az lang az we have 'The Fat Controller' az owner (who wasn't there again!), we will be fightin relegation battles for the foreseeable future!
If we manage to stay up this season, then we will be in exactly the same position next season, fightin for wor lives!

Nuf said!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Fernandez, Clark, Willems, M Longstaff (Atsu 90), Saint-Maximin (Gayle 90), Almiron, Joelinton (Shelvey 85)

Attendance: 46,019 (3,000 Wolves)

PS: The 'MAGnificent 7' joint top goalscorers this season, are:
Shelvey (3-1 defeat at Norwich)
Joelinton (1-0 win at Sporz)
Muto (1-1 v Lestaa in the Leegue Cup where we lost 4-2 on penalties)
Schar (1-1 draw with Wotfaad)
Willems (3-1 defeat at Liverpoool)
Matty Longstaff (1-0 win v Moan U)
Lascelles (1-1 draw v Wolves)


(More to follow when aa get the time!)

Saturday, 26 October 2019

THE TOON v WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:47pm bells' Saturday 26th October 2019


'The Ronny Gill' reports that Andy Carroll (pictured above in action!) will MISS wor game against Wolves az he haz felt a slight 'tweek' in hiz groin and 'Broken Nose Bruce' iz takin nee chances and iz restin him!


Fabian Schar iz said to have a knee injury (which iz 'nee' good!)(sic!), while Isaac Hayden iz suspended!

Meeenwhile!---Matt Ritchie and Florian Lejeune have been spotted in trainin' this week and are in contention!

WE reeely must try to win this game and take advantage of  Wolves, who have been on a European adventure to Bratislava on Thorsday! We can anly hope that they are knackered after their lang jorney home!  

Bizarrely, because of a loophole and stadium ban for Bratislava supporters, there will be 21,000 local SCHOOL CHILDREN inside the stadium instead! (Little 'BRATS' no doubt!) (sic!)Anyway!---it doesnt matter aboot that---az lang az we score a few goals on Sunday, which total 5 in 9 Premyaa Leegue games so far!---Failure to score and we will have wor worst goals tally after 10 games in 126 years (since NUFC joined the Futbaall Leegue in 1893!)

But just where will the goals come from?, with Carroll crocked and Joelinton not firin' on aall cylin
ders! (1 goal in 9 games from wor £40 million man!) and £20 million man 'Miggy' Almiron still to score, since he signed last January, it doesn't look good!  

Meenwhile, NUFC are oot of the bottom 3 thanx to a hat-trick by wor 2nd top goalscorer last season, Ayoze Perez!
Unfortunately it wasn't for 'us', but Lestaa, who annihilated   Sooothampton 0-9 away last neet, to lift us up to 4th bottom in the table on goal difference, withoot kickin a baall! (If anly we had a player like Perez in wor team! (sic!)

If we play like we did against Man U we have a chance--but if we play like we did against Lestaa---we divvint!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Munday---sometime! 

Thursday, 24 October 2019

GROUNDS FOR CONCERN!

Posted '4:07pm bells' Thorsday 24th October 2019

SOS---Save Our Stadium!

A decision on whether developers can build tower blocks next to The Gallowgate Stand will be taken by the City cooncil next month!
Local Central Newcasil MP, Chi Onwurah, haz got in on the act and sent a letter (below) against the development, alang with 700 othaas who had objected to to to scheme (including The Geordie Times)
The 10,000 strong 'Newcastle United Supporters Trust' (NUST) have aalso engadged a solicitor and sent objection letters/E mails!



To be honest, we've nevaa had much time for Chi, but we welcome 'with open arms' hor support against the scheme and hope that it will have some impact on the cooncil and help persuade them to 'chuck the application oot'!
Below this iz an article we published just ower a week ago, outlining wor objections!
There iz STILL TIME to send in an objection and the address to send your letters/E mails to oppose the planned tower blocks, iz printed in that article!

Pleeze do so and Save Our Stadium!

LANDLOCKED AND LOVELESS!

Posted '3:00pm bells' Tuesday 15th October 2019
THE OBLITERATED VIEW OF SJP FROM GALLOWGATE
IF THE TOWER BLOCKS ARE ALLOWED TO BE BUILT!



**** AND AZ THE VIEW LOOKS NOW 
FROM CHINATOON!

NUFCs 'beloved'? owner known affectionately az 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans, sold the land behind The Gallowgate End Stand for £9 million to property developers, who want to completely obliterate the views of St. James Park from Gallowgate and Chinatoon by buildin' two massive tower blocks on the land!

One of planned towers, which iz 21 stories high, will be directly behind The Gallowgate End Stand, which means future expansion at this end of the stadium will not be possible, shud the development be given 'the green light' from the City council!
PROPROSED VIEW FROM STRAWBERRY PLACE---NEE WHERE TO GAN!
In other words, the stadium would then be 'landlocked'! (above)

'The Geordie Times' haz sent an e mail to the cooncil, strongly objectin' to the proposed development!
'The Fat Controller' haz got a lot to answer to, for sellin' this prime piece of real estate for a pittance!---HASN'T HE JUST!

If YOO want to help, then send an objection message to Newcasil City cooncil, pleeze do so urgently to try and stop this horrendous development, before it's tooo late!

Their e mail address iz: planning.control@newcastle.gov.uk 
And quote reference: 2019/0879/01/DET


Wednesday, 23 October 2019

"ALL WE ARE SAYING--IZ GIVE US A GOAL!"

Posted '4:40pm bells' Wedinzday 23rd October 2019
A RARE TOON GOAL AT SPORZ (JOELINTON)

Az we speak-- and after 10 games played in competitive competitions so far this season, NUFC have a record number of goalscorers!---SIX in total, who have scored ONE goal each!
Five in the Premyaa Leegue and one in the Leegue Cup!

Failure to score in wor game v Wolves next Sunday will mean that with just FIVE Premyaa Leegue goals in TEN games, we will have the lowest total in wor entire history, gannin back to wor Leegue debut in 1893---126 years ago! (an average of just half a goal a game!)

Wor joint top goalscorers are:
Jonjo Shelvey: 1 Premyaa Leegue goal
Joelinton: 1 Premyaa Leegue goal
Yoshinori Muto: 1 Leegue Cup goal
Fabian Schar: 1 Premyaa Leegue goal
Jetro Willems: 1 Premyaa Leegue goal
Matty Longstaff: 1 Premyaa Leegue goal

Tuesday, 22 October 2019

"DRINK, DRINK, WHEREVER YOO MAY BE!"

Posted '4:15pm bells' Tuesday 22nd October 2019

'The Toon' has been confirmed as the place with the most drinkin dens in Ing-er-land, within half a mile of a futbaall groond, with ower 100 pubs in that radius of St. James' Park!
This iz more than THREE TIMES az many az the next best, which iz Newport and Wolves with 32 pubs within half a mile of their respective groonds!

Aaltogeter now!
♫Drink!, drink!, wherever yoo may be!♬
♪We've got the most pubs, az yoo can see!♩
♬And we will drink, wherever we may be!♫
♪From 'The 3 Bulls Heed' to 'The Straw-berry'!♫

SMB U23s v NUFC U23s @ "THE HOLE ON THE HILL!"*** TOONEET!

Posted '1:40pm bells' Munday 21st October 2019
(Updated Tuesday)
WELFARE PARK, EPPLETON CW

Wor U23s travel to Eppleton CW where we are takin on the mackems equivalent in Premyaa Leegue 2 derby match this evenin' at '7:00 bells'!
Eppleton's groond haz been used az a resorve venue for a number of years by the SMBs and iz situated in Hetton the Hole just off the A690 between Durham and sund'lind!
Admission iz £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframites

Updated Tuesday 22nd October

mackems 0   Geordies 2
An excellent 2-0 win for the Toon U23s last neet at 'The Hole on the Hill' against the SMB U23s!
Luke Charman opened the scorin' from the penalty spot after Fernandez woz upended in the box in the 6th minute!

The mackems were reduced to 10 men from a deliberate hand baall by Taylor in the 24th minute!
It woz still 1-0 to 'us' at half time, despite wor total domination of this half!

A pass from Lewis Cass to Fernandez with just 10 minutes left on the clock woz 'the death nell' for the mackems az he slammed the baall into the net to double wor lead!
Reeely, NUFC shud have had more goals in this totally one sided contest, played oot in front of a sparse crowd, which included not many 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'!

Below iz a match report from the forst time we played there ower 10 years ago---ground 268

Monday, 21 October 2019

268 welfare ground hetton le hole (v s/land reserves)


(GROUND NUMBER 268)

Date of First Visit: 21st JANUARY 2009

WELFARE GROUND, HETTON LE HOLE
(aka 'The Stadium De Hole'!)



mACKEM RESERVES  1

NEWCASTLE UNITED RESERVES  2  (Ranger, Godsmark)



FA PREMIER RESERVE LEAGUE NORTH

ATTENDANCE: 1,516  (not many Toon fans!)





“FOR JONEZEE!”



It was a very sad day for aall concerned as this was aalso the day of Jonezee’s funeral at Tynemouth crem orlier on that mornin’. Jonezee had sadly passed away a fortneet orlier
He had a black ‘n’ white striped coffin and his family’s request that mourners should wear sommik black ‘n’ white was observed by all and showed his loyalty for the club. He’d anly missed one home game in forty years and had’nt missed a weekend away game in aall that time eetha, visitin’ ower 100 different groonds in the process to watch The Toon!

(A ‘TRUE SUPPORTER’! who will be sadly missed by all!)



THIS MATCH REPORT AND VICTORY IS DEDICATED TO HIM!  



After the funeral we heeded for the Waallsend Comrades Club where Jonezee spent
many an hour ‘on the hoy’ to reminisce and to have some (Er!---several!) drinks in his memory!

Wor final ‘port o call’ before heedin’ to the ‘resorve derby’ was the Newcastle Arms in the Toon before cadgin’ a lift with ‘The Mad Professor’ doon to Eppleton FC in Hetton the Hole which was the mackems new ‘second string venue’ for this season. (It shud be noted that ‘Grumpy Stumpy’ opted to stay in the warmth of the bar for a few extra ciders, rather than brave the elements of coonty durham with us!) (part time sensible B******!)





“WEEZ TREES ARE THEEZE!”



On arrival in Hetton the Hole ◄(NO!---this is’nt a misprintt!---it IS! a f*****’ ‘Hole’) we homed in on the floodlights and parked in a street up the hill from the groond.

An aad biddy wearin’ a heedscarf was standin’ at hor front gate and asked us if the game was aall ticket and then telt us in the next breath before we could reply, that shih thought it was!

“Hope not pet!”----“WE haven’t got any!”, The Mad Professor replied as we worriedly heeded for the tornstiles



The ‘panic’ was soon ower as it was ‘pay at the gate’ and aa handed the gadgie a twenty poond note for the three quid admission fee. He looked at the note as though he’d neva eva seen one before? and said in a broad mackem twang-----

“Az tha noowt less, tha naaz?” (Geordie translation:”Have yi got nowt smaaller, like?”)

“NO!”, said ‘I’.    “Az al av tih gih yi yi change in puund cuins az av got ney notes!”, (“aal have ti give yi yi change in poond coins as av got ne notes!”)  he added, az he handed iz  the ticket and plonked SEVENTEEN! poond coins in mee mit! (they obviously have’nt seen fivers or ten poond notes roond theeze parts, eetha!)



It was nuw time to heed for the clubhouse as it was f*****’ freezin’ by this time.

“It’s my torn for the drinks!”, aa said to the lads az aa got mee torn in (and more importantleee, got rid of some of the ‘shrapnel’ that was weighin’ doon mee trooser pockets) and gave ‘Dave from York’ a refreshin’ pint of ‘Stones Gold’, a new beer for him.



Now Dave, you see, is on a one man mission this season----a ‘mission’ to drink as many different named pints as he can! and like a smaall child he gleefully entered the new beer in his notebook, nearly snappin’ his Ladbrokes pen in the process as he did so! (he’s an very old OAP actually!) (Old Aged Piss-artist!)



“That’s mee 150th different beer so far watchin’ The Toon!”, he said in a treblin’ voice as he shook the said ‘liquid refreshment’ excitedly in his mit! (NO!---we’re NOT! caalled the sad b******s for nothin’!)



It was soon time to heed for the terraces and by this time it had started to rain so we took shelter under some trees on the far side of the pitch as the smaall main stand opposite was chocker block.

A quick look at the team sheet brought a mackem scurryin ower towards iz for a look at who was playin’. “Uwz wa numbih sivin tha naaz?” (“who’s wor number seven, like?) he asked, obviously thinkin’ that aa was ‘one of them’! (god forbid!)

He had a quick look before heedin’ for the perimeter fence to tell his mate.



The match kicked off and aa once more took the team sheet from mee sky rocket as aa was’nt sure of a couple of wor players.

Like a ‘red rag to a bull’ the sight of the A4, one page team sheet again brought another mackem from the trees beside us, askin’ for a look!  (needless to say---aa did’nt fancy this gannin on aall the time, so!, aa kept it under ‘tight wraps’ afta that and it remained in mee trooza pocket for the rest of the match!) 



Just a few minutes after the kick off the sleet started comin’ doon and wor otha travellin’ companion ‘The Caped Crusader’, who was standin’ next to ‘The Mad Professor’ at the front, was shakin’ with the cold and was wavin’ his arms aboot to try and keep waam, but it was a futile exercise in the inclement conditions.



However!---after twenty minutes he did have ‘good reason’ to wave his arms aboot when wor bizarrely named number nine, Nile Ranger put the Toon in front with a nicely placed heeder from a Mark Doninger corner kick.



Unfortunately, the home side levelled just after this when Toon goalie Frazer Forster parried a shot, anly for the mackem number nine to tap home. The loudspeaker then boomed oot that David Dowson had scored for them!-----a name a’m not unfamiliar with as aa used to knock aboot with a Toon fan of the same name in the seventies!

(it definitely was’nt him!)



At half time we heeded back to the warmth of the clubhoose to quensh wor thirsts where aa bumped into a Toon fan who aa naa caalled Wayne.

He actually lives in Hetton and telt us that ‘The Hole’ was 101% mackem and point 1% Geordie (ie: HIM!)



The second period started with wind, rain and sleet to greet us on wor retorn to ‘The Weez Trees Embankment’ (as it was now known!) but as there were ne leaves on the branches it gave us virtually zero protection from the incessant downpour. (and so ‘in effect!’---it was f*****’ pointless standin’ there!???)



Five mins after the restart torned oot to be the tornin’ point of the game in wor favour, when the mackems had a goal disallowed for offside. The resultin’ free kick was quickly taken by  The Toon and Jonny Godsmark raced into home penalty area and latched onto a James Taylor through baall (na- not the singer!) to slam the baall into the net for wot torned oot to be the winner! (which brought muted applause from the sparse Toon followin’!)



An aad mackem gadgie aged aboot 75, who was wearin’ a pair of ‘Joe 90’ specs complete with beer glass bottomed lenses, then rushed towards the perimeter fence to remonstrate with the referee ower the legality of the goal, wavin’ his ‘Gregory Pecks’ menacingly towards the official, shoutin’, “ah think thaa neids theeze, ref!” (“aa think yi need glasses, ref!”)---but it was tooo late!---(ha! ha!) and the goal stood!---2-1!



More incidents were to follow when a mackem midfielder was sent off 12 mins from time for a second bookable offence and then in the last minute of the game The Toon’s Hungarian number 6 Tamas Kagar tragically broke his leg after he went doon in the box. This added TEN minutes injury time to the match and we prayed that we would hold oot as the rain and sleet lashed doon!-------we did!---to claim the victory for Jonezee! ----This was for you mate!  R.I.P.


©Fink™ (the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

 

Sunday, 20 October 2019

CHELSKI 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '11:40am bells' Sunday 20th October 2019

"SILENCE PLEEZE!---THIS IZ THE QUIET COACH!"

The day started off at 'The Central' (station) where we boarded the '7:56 bells' train to King's Cross (London)

We had 3 table seats, but a lass woz sprawled across 2 of them fast asleep!  'Big Al' (not the sheet metal worker's son!) woke hor up and said she woz lyin' across hiz seat and so she moved to hors by the window az we sat doon.

We started taalkin aboot the match, but she woz non tooo pleezed and pointed oot that this woz 'the quiet coach' and she woz tryin to get some sleep!
I looked at hor and said, "Wot do yoo want us to do if we need to communicate, 'lip read' or do 'sign language'?"
Aa meeen---did she reeely expect us not to utter a word to each othaa on the 3 hour train jorney???

She suggested to 'Big Al' that if we wanted to talk, then we shud gan to the next carriage instead!!!! (Unbeleeevable!)

WE pointed oot that this woz 'the quiet coach' and NOT 'the silent coach' and carried on taakin' 'quietly' az she buried hor heed in hor coat!
Anyway!--- we got to Darlo when the train announcer told us that a train in front had broken doon and we would therefore be delayed!
We eventually moved but unbelievably anothaa train had broken doon outside Donny station and we would be delayed again!
(the SIXTH TIME in a row that we have been delayed on an away train jorney this season!)
We arrived in 'the smoke' (London) 32 minutes late, which meant that we could claim half wor fares back because of this (the 4th time this season that we have put a claim in!)
NEARLY SIX QUID A PINT HERE!

We heeded for Parsons Green which iz a 25 minute walk from Stamford Bridge for the customary pre match 'gargels' in 'The Duke on the Green'---and at £5.95 a pint it woz an expensive 'gargel' to say the least!
We stayed there til it woz time to gan to the match and suprizingly the 'away end' woz completely full of Toon fans, despite NUFC sayin that they had sent some unsold tickets back???
THE TOON ATTACK 'THE SHED END' (2nd half)

The Toon matched Chelski in the forst half and we had several chances, but 'fluffed them' and didn't have one single shot on goal or corner!
The 2nd period woz different az we hardly ventured into the Chelski half, az they went for the jugular, with Dubravka in the Toon goal makin' some great saves!

The home side finally made the breakthrough in the 73rd minute when Alonso hit a low shot into the net, finally beatin' Dubravka!

We tried to make a comeback, but there woz little up front, with wor £40 million signin' Joelinton not firin' again (just 1 goal in 9 games now)
Dwight Galye came on az sub in the 85th minute, and az far az we were aware he nevaa touched the baall once in that time---and he woz not a 'happy bunny' (3 mins of stoppage time included!)

We had NEE shots on target and NEE corners in this half eethaa, az the ref blew for full time! (cant remember the last time this happened!)
Results elsewhere meant that NUFC dropped back into the bottom 3 on goal difference! 
CHEAP DRINKS HERE!---ANLY £5.49!

We heeded back to King's Cross for the final 'gargels' in the 'Barrel Vault' (just £5.49 a pint there!), before catchin' the '7:00 bells' train back to Tyneside, where we arrived 6 minutes late (nee compensation this time, az the train must be at least 30 mins late to claim a refund!)

PS: We wornt in 'the quiet coach' this time and could talk freely!
(Oh the joys of bein able to talk to each othaa withoot any complaints!)

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Schar, Lascelles, Clark, Willems, Almiron (Carroll 70), S. Longstaff, M. Longstaff, Saint-Maximin (Gayle 85), Joelinton (Atsu 83)

Attendance: 40,513 (3,000 Toon fans and nee empty seats!)
SOME OF THE TOON FANS WHO FILLED THE AWAY END!

*Explanations for non Geordie reeeders:
Alan Shearer woz known az 'Big Al' and woz the son of a sheet metal worker
Darlo=Darlington   Donny=Doncaster

Friday, 18 October 2019

AMAZON *** THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE!🦓🦍🦒

Posted '2:30pm bells' Friday 18th October 2019
🦒🦍🦓

*The telly fixtures for December and January finally came oot yesterday, nearly a week after they were supposed to---and now we naa just why, az its a totally chaotic shambles!

Wor game at Sheff U on Tuesday 3rd December haz been moved to THORSDAY 5th December for live transition on Amazon!
Because of this wor home game v Sooothampton on Saturday 7th December haz been moved back a day with a '2:00 bells' kick off and iz NOT on the telly!
I am sure the travellin Sooothampton fans will not be 'happy bunnies' with the prospect of a forced owerneet stay in the north east, az it will be impossible to get a train on Sunday morning from the south cost and make the kick off!

We arnt the anly ones of course who must now play on that Thorsday, with games moved back a day because of this!
Amazon are showin 3 games on the Tuesday, 5 games on the Wedinzday and 2 games on the Thorsday--- with eethaa '7:30 or '8:15 bells' kick offs!

And then on Boxin' Day we must travel to 'The Theatre of Muppets' to play Moan U in a 5:30 bells' start!  (Nee trains on that day!)
Alang with Amazon, we have live games on SKY and BT az well!
(See TV changes in the article below)

Again, we arnt the anly ones who arnt 'happy bunnies' az Liverbird's fans must travel to Lestaa on the same day with an '8:00 bells' kick off time!  Their supporters have demanded that AALL Boxin' Day games kick off at the traditional '3:00 bells', but Amazon hold aall the aces and their demands will fall on 'deaf ears' for certain!
Man City arnt happy eetha az they will have to play 2 games in 46 hours for live telly! ----It's a total shambles for aall concerned!

Of course NUFC must travel to Villa az well, for wor 14th (FOURTEENTH!) Munday away game in a row, for a live game on SKY on 25th November----We are just 'daft Geordies' after aall, and will torn up anyway!
It's 'the law of the jungle' and Amazon (sic!), SKY and BT rule OK!

Amazingly, we travel to London tomorrow to take on Chelski in a '3:00 bells' kick off!----that's reet!---'THREE BELLS' with nee live telly!!!, meanin we can get there and back on the same day---which iz a 'novelty', to say the least! (We have appeared 6 times on the telly so far and are due to appear anothaa 7 times before the end of January)

A full match report on the Chelski game will appear here on Sunday, sometime! 

Thursday, 17 October 2019

TELLY FIXTURES FOR DECEMBER AND JANUARY RELEASED AT '5:00 PM BELLS' (AT LAST!)

Posted '4:03pm bells' Thorsday 17th October 2019
Updated '5:10pm bells'----AT LAST---SEE FIX BELOW!

"DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET AZ A THICK FOG 
HAZ DESCENDED OWER THE PREMYAA LEEGUE HQ!"

The saga of just when the Premyaa Leegue telly fixtures will be released for December and January, just gans on--and on---AND ON!
It woz supposed to be last Friday---but nowt appeared?

Then it woz this Munday---but nowt appeared??

Then it woz yesterday---but nowt appeared???

Then it woz at 'high noon bells' today---but nowt appeared???? 

And now we hear that it will DEFINATLY be in just under an hours time at '5:00 pm bells' this evenin'-----We await with sarcasm and baited breath for the latest deadline!????? (But don't 'hold it in' for toooo lang!)😵

If by some miracle they DO eventually release the 'said' telly fixtures, 'The Geordie Times' will let yiz naa ASAP! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴

NUFC TELLY FIXTURES, LATEST! ('5:10pm bells')

DECEMBER
Thorsday 5th '7:30 bells': Sheff U away (Amazon)
Sunday 8th '2:00 bells': Sooothampton home (nee telly)
Saturday 14th '3:00 bells': Bornley away (nee telly)
Saturday 21st '3:00 bells': Palliss home (nee telly)
Thorsday 26th '5:30 bells': Moan U away (Amazon)
Saturday 28th '3:00 bells': Evaatin home (nee telly)

JANUARY
Wedinsday 1st '3:00 bells': Lestaa home (BT)
Saturday 11th '3:00 bells': Wulvzz away (nee telly)
Saturday 18th '5:30 bells': Chelski home (SKY)
Tuesday 21st ''7:30 bells': Evaatin away (nee telly)

Wednesday, 16 October 2019

TELLY TIMES FROM 1st DECEMBER TO NEW YEARS DAY???

Posted '4:35pm bells' Munday 14th October 2019
Updated '3:33pm bells' Wedinzday

FIVE DAYS LATE!!---and the fixtures for live transmition for December and New Years Day have still not been announced! (again!)
They were supposed to be released last Friday, but we are still waitin' on Wedinzday???

The Toon's fixtures for December and News Years Day may well be changed when The Premyaa Leegue finally gives 'the nod' for the TV companies to tell us, so that we can book time off work, trains, etc! 
(The nearer the game--the more it wi££ cost!)

Currently theeze are the dates below----some of which are sure to be moved!!!???

Tuesday 3rd December: Sheff U away, live on Amazon

Saturday 7th December: Sooothampton home
Saturday 14th December: Bornley away
Saturday 21st December: Palliss home
Thorsday 26th December: Moan U away, live on Amazon
Saturday 28th December: Evaatin home
Wedinzday 1st January: Lestaa home

*The Geordie Times will of course bring yoo, wor loyal subjects, news of the changes, when they can be bothered to tell us---like!? 

PS: We can't for the life of us, understand just why they tell us when the fixtures will be announced---and then don't tell us!?






PS: The Premyaa Leegue said on Wedinzday afternoon that 
"Selections would defiantly arrive by the end of the week!"
Withoot specifyin' "WHICH WEEK!"???? (This week, next week, last week???)
FROM 'THE DAILY MAIL ONLINE'



Sunday, 13 October 2019

BAD BLUE BOYS 3 OSSETT TOON 2 *** FA TROHPHY

Posted '11:39am bells' Sunday 13th October 2019

It woz 'non leegue day' throughout the north east (and beyond) because of the International break and so we heeded once again to the Dunston clubhoose for wor Saturday 'fix' and then onward to the groond itself where Dunston were taking on Ossett in an FA Trophy tie!

The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston started off well and took the lead in the third minute from a simple tap in by Scott Heslop.
It wasnt long for the equaliser though az Ossett fought back through number 2 Vann with a soft shot

The 2nd half started and it woz soon 2-1 to the home side when
Fitzpatrick heeded home! 
their number 7 shot past Harrison in the Dunston goal!

Ossett then levelled again with a fine shot by Guest not lang after! 

Dunston then won the game through a disputed penalty by Fitzpatrick, who made nee misstayk from the spot! A fine effort into the corner of the net, sendin their keeper the wrang way, which in turn, sent most of the 300 plus crowd into raptures!
(Ossett had aboot 30 fans)

There woz nee more scorin and Dunston gan into the hat on Munday for the next roond!
Ossett's manager woz enraged by the penalty and confronted the ref at the end----the ref told him to come back, but he ignored him and left the pitch (ramifications for him, for certain!)


*Attendance: 315




Saturday, 12 October 2019

IT'S NON LEEGUE DAY TODAY!

Posted '12:40pm bells' Saturday 12th October 2019
ACTION AT DUNSTON LAST SATURDAY

"WE SUPPORT WOR LOCAL TEAMS!"

With yet anothaa International break, wor thoughts torn to local non leegue futbaall today and there are quite a few games in the Tyneside and Northumberland area!

Gatesheed are takin' on Gloucester City in The National Leegue North at Gatesheed Stadium

The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston are playin' Ossett Toon in The FA Trophy

Morpeth take on Bashford in The Northern Premyaa Leegue

In The Northern Leegue there are games at Heaton Stannington, Newcasil Benfield, Whickham and Birtley and Jarrow are in action in The FA Vase

Plus there are quite a few games in The Northern Alliance!

Dunston az per usual, iz my 'Port o call', or The Dunston clubhoose forst, to be more precise! 

Thursday, 10 October 2019

"THIS IZ RIDUCKULOUS!"

Posted '2:35pm bells' Friday 11th October 2019
THE NOW FAMOUS 'RICHARD BURTON' DUCKPOND IN BISHOP BURTON!

"IT'S QWACKERS!"

We were in 'The Bodega Bar' on Wesgate Road before wor game v Moan U last Sunday, where 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' discussed wor U23s away game v Hull U23s ,which woz played last Friday, where The Toon won 1-0

'Dave from York' told us that he had went oot of hiz way to travel through a place caalled Bishop Burton in Yorkshire to get to the game, because it had a very nice duckpond in the centre of the village! (A DUCKPOND???---It's very sad!---isn't it just!)
"QWACK!--QWACK!"
He woz mercilessly ridiculed durin' that game for gannin oot of hiz way to see the 'said' duckpond and the conversation in 'The Bodega' quickly moved onto something else!

Welsh actor Richard BURTON somehow came into the conversation and Dave's son Phil, quickly 'googled' hiz life story on hiz phone!
"He woz married 5 times to 3 different women and woz the 12th of 13 children!", he excitedly told us!
'Grumpy Stumpy' butted in: "He woz stayin' at The Savoy Hotel in London when I woz workin' there!----he had a 'bad turn' and woz rushed to hospital!----He died soon after!", Stumpy added az he supped hiz scrumpy cider!---(Yes that's reet! 'Grumpy Stumpy' woz on 'The Scrumpy'!
RICHARD BURTON AND ONE OF HIZ 3 WIVES!

The question iz!---how did a daft conversation aboot a duckpond in Yorkshire move on to a famous film actor from Wales????
Now that's wot yoo call a riDUCKulous conversation!!!!
"QWACK!---BLOODY QWACK!"

Wednesday, 9 October 2019

344 new meadow, shrewsbury

Ground number 344
Date of First Visit: 8th October 2019
New Meadow (aka Montgomery Waters Meadow), Shrewsbury
(141st ground visited that has staged Premier League/Football League games watchin' NUFC)
Shrewsbury Town 3
Newcastle United U21s 0

EFL Trophy group stage
Attendance: 1,408 (55 Toon fans in away section, plus several others in main stand (I coonted 65 Toon fans?)
                             The Toon (in orange) attack the away end goal (2nd half)

"GANNIN ROOND IN CIRCLES!"

I had to dee mee normal truck run to Manchester on Munday neet, but woz delayed doon there and aa finally left at '2:10am bells'!
Aa got back to Tyneside at '5:00am bells' and got to bed half an hour later! "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

After less than 3 hours kip, aa woz up again to catch the '10:18 bells' train to----MANCHESTER!---and heeded for 'The Piccadilly Tap' for swift 'gargel', 11 hours after leavin Manchester in mee truck!----and then it woz onward to Shrewsbury, where we arrived at '2:55pm bells'!

With loads on time on wor hands before the 7:30 bells kick off, we did a mini pub crawl aroond the many bars in the toon centre after dumping wor bags at wor digs!


Anothaa new groond for The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers woz ticked off the list when we visited Shrewbury's (nearly) new abode on the very outskirts of the town next to an industrial estate and retail park, some 3 miles from the toon centre!
Some of the 50 odd Toon fans in the away section
Lookin towards the sparsely filled main stand

The Shrews were far too strong for this young Magpies team and we were soundly beaten by the Leegue One side in front of a sparse crowd, which seems to be the norm in this competition!
It's a nice 10,000 seater stadium, but it's on the wrang place!!!
(Their old Gay Meadow groond woz near the toon centre!)

Anyway!  We fell behind in the 22nd minute when a Shrewsbury player who's name I cant remember put them in front with a shot inside the box
Their lead woz doubled in the 33rd minute when Cummins sent in a powerful header which beat Dan Langley The Toon keeper, aall ends up!

We reely wornt at the races and this woz a poor show indeed!

We were a bit better in the 2nd half as we kicked towards the 55 Toon faithful in the stand behind that goal! (I counted 65 but the official coont woz 10 less?----must 'clue up' on mee maths!)

Allen and Fernandez both hit the woodwork, but it woz the home side who put the final nail in wor coffin when Edwards fired in with just 3 mins left on the clock with just 3 minutes left of the 90!

A bad result which puts us oot of the competition as we sit bottom of the group with just 1 game to play (v Port Vale)

A nice touch happened at the end, when the tannoy annooncer said that 55 Newcasil fans were in the away end, which brought loud applause from the home section. The 55 NUFC fans applauded their appreciation back! (Divvint forget, this woz wor RESORVE team v their forst team!)

The 'drowning of the sorrows' took place in 'The Nags Head' back in the centre of Shrewsbury, but not before having to wait half an hour for wor pre booked taxi to pick us up from the groond! (Nee tip for him, then!)
"WHERE'S THE TAXI---LIKE?"

NEXT DAY
We had to get 3 trains back today (Wednizday)---One from Shrewsbury to Stockport (near Manchester!)---One from Stockport to Donny---and one from Donny to The Toon
Wor last train woz delayed coz of a fire on a train at Croxdale near Darlo station---and a 'jumper' at Newark station!---The FIFTH train journey to an away game 'in a row', where we have been delayed this season!😳

Updated 3:48pm bells'
The f***in' train never torned up after waitin' an hour and a half--- so in desperation, we jumped on a Cross Country train with LNER tickets!
The ticket inspector said it woz ok to get on!

Will be claimin a full refund YET AGAIN!

Updated '4:50pm bells' onwards
We eventually arrived back at 'The Central' (station) at '4:45 bells' and aa caught a bus yem.  Had a quick nosebag and an update on this story and then went to work to drive back to-----(YEEV GUESSED IT!)------MANCHESTER!!!

Much more on this story tomorrow, when aa get the time.
 I am writing this on mee mobile tellin' bone at the mo!

PS: Aa naa it soonds az though we 'make some of theeze stories up' ---but its TRUE---here iz a photo of the train fire az reported in 'The Ronny Gill'!

*PUB CRAWL PIX---EVENTUALLY!
PICCADILLY TAP, MANCHESTER (BETWEEN TRAINS)

THE ALB, SHREWSBURY (PRE MATCH)

BULL INN

3 FISHES

THE WHEATSHEAF

THE NAGS HEAD (POST MATCH)


*Updated Thorsday dinnaatime

My tales of woe didn't end when aa got off the train.
I went to work at '7:00pm bells' (Wedinzday) to find that there woz nee diesel in the wagon and no fuel card!
I had to phone a gaffer up who woz at home and woz 'non too pleezed' when he torned up at '7:30 bells' to open the warehouse and get me a diesel card!
After fillin' the diesel tank up I eventually left for Manchester at '8:00 bells' and because of that the 'A1M' woz shut for 12 miles in north Yorkshire for owerneet roadworks and the 'M62' woz shut near Leeds!
On the way back (and to put anothaa spanner in the works!) the 'A1M' woz shut near Durham!
"HELP!"



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