Thursday, 31 January 2019

D DAY DEAL DONE AND DUSTED!

Posted '2:40pm bells' Thorsday 31st January 2019
(Will be updated az more pix come in!)
"HE'S THE ONE OF THE RIGHT!"

"SAY NO MORE!"


'3:03 PM BELLS'   "HAPPY, HAPPY DAYS!" 😁😁

D DAY DEALS *** LATEST NEWS FROM TYNESIDE!

Posted '1:07pm bells' Thorsday 31st January 2019
Updated throughout the day!
Almiron flies in by helicopter yesterday


News that both Migueal Almiron and Antonio Barreca on on Tyneside havin medicals az we speak at wor trainin groond in Benton (3 miles north east of city centre)
STOP PRESS! Almiron signs for The Toon!
"HE'S THE ONE ON THE RIGHT!"

It iz reported that striker Almiron will cost £21 million, which of course will break wor transfor record, while left back Barreca haz agreed a season lang loan from Monaco! 
STOP PRESS! Barreca haz just signed!
With an option for a pormanent deal at the end of the season!
Barreca in a Monaco strip

It iz aalso reported that Salamon Rondon will be signed on a pormanent deal from Chelski az well!

Othaa names hae been bandied aboot and we will let yiz naa of any developments az they happen!

Az per usual---"Watch this space for forthaa news!"

Wednesday, 30 January 2019

THE TOON 2 THE BLUE MOONIES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:44am bells' Wedinzday 30th January 2019

"WOT A DIFFERENCE A DAY MAKES!"

Yesterday, before the match it woz aall 'doom and gloom' with the threat of 'a good hidin' from the current champions and the threat that Rafa woz on the verge of quittin due to lack of signins in the transfor window!

And then 'a glimmer of light' az we drank in The Bodega pre match, when SKY telly told us that THREE singins were imminent and that NUFC were aboot to break wor transfor record by signin Paraguayan international from Atlanta United for £20 million quid!
Aalso in the offin woz the predicted loan signins of Andreas Samaris from Benfica and Antonio Barreca from Monaco!

This lifted the gloom in the bar which woz full of Toon and Man City fans, givin us hope that at last wor beloved owner? 'The Fat Controller' had 'seen the light' and woz puttin hiz hand in hiz pocket and that Rafa wouldnt 'waalk'!

However! That 'hope' woz dashed after just 24 seconds of the match startin when Aguero scored at The Gallowgate End with wor defence 'asleep' to put Man City 1-0 up after a scramble in the box!
At this point we feared 'a cricket score' but to wor credit we 'knuckled down' and somehow got to half time with just the one goal conceded!



The 2nd half iz wot dreams are made of az we fought back and battled on and an unlikely equaliser came through Soloman Rondon who got hiz foot to the baall from a cross and toe poked it into the net to level things on the hour mark!

Could we hang on for the precious point we thought, but NUFC had better ideas and we got a penalty not lang after, when Longstaff woz pushed ower in the box in the 77th minute!
Matt Ritchie would take it, but The Blue Moonies adopted delayin tactics az Edison their goalie 'fained injury' to try and put Ritchie off az he waited 3 lang minutes to take the spot kick!

It worked a treat FOR US az he hammered the baall to the right on the goal to put us 2-1 up az the roof woz lifted off the groond!

5 mins stoppage time woz played az we pulled wor hair oot by the roots and bit wor finger nails to the bone, but finally the ref blew for full time az the crowd went ballisic!

This woz the forst time we had beaten Man City in 23 attempts and the totally unexpected win propelled us up to 14th in the table, 5 points above the relegation places!

Happy days to replace the miserable ones at last!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Schar, Lascelles, Lejeune, Richie, Perez (90 Manquillo), Hayden, Longstaff, Atsu (Kenedy 87), Rondon.

Attendance:50,861 (3,000 Blue Moonies who took the p*ss at the start when they scored, but were completely silent by the end!)

For the benefit of Toon fans from ootside the north east and owerseas!

FROM TODAY'S LOCAL RAG
'THE RONNY GILL'


*Updated '3:20pm bells'



Miguel Almiron arrives at The Toon heliport on the banks of the Tyne 


Tuesday, 29 January 2019

MELTDOWN???

Posted '4:00pm bells' Tuesday 29th January 2019
WILL THERE BE SHOCK 'WAVES' ON FRIDAY?

"HERE WE GAN AGAIN!"

News that 'Rafa the Gaffer' iz understandably frustrated to such an extent in the never endin' NUFC transfor saga, that we 'fink' that he will quit after the January transfor window closes, IF ne new faces (loan or permanent) arrive by the Thorsday neet deadline!

The Geordie Times prediction iz that Rafa will hold an unannoonced press conference on Friday and quit hiz post az he haz 'had enough'---and who can blame him?
The £6 million clause in hiz contract iz now invalid and he can 'waalk away' withoot any penalty!
We sincerely hope that we are WRANG and that he will stay, but we very much doubt it if ne progress iz made!

NUFC are a complete shambles and yet again we are in peril of losin' anothaa great manager because of inactivity in the transfor market, with just TWO days left to get some 'bodies ower the line'!

Apparently the club had asked Rafa to advice fans to renew their season tickets before the deadline, but he haz REFUSED the opportunity to do so, az he says that's "Not his business!" and that it isn't HIZ job to tell us wot to do!

Ohhh! and there's the little matter of a home game against Man City tooneet, where fan protests will ne doubt reach a crescendo!

Anothaa 'meltdown' chapter in the life of a shambolically run futbaall club! 


FROM THE INDEPENDENT

"IT WOZ 50 YEARS AGO TODAY!---THAT WE PLAYED MAN CITY, AWAY!"

Posted 'bells' Tuesday 29th January 2019

By amazin' coincidence it iz 50 years ago today, that aa went to mee forst ever away game in the FA Cup----v Man City at their old Maine Road ground in a 4th roond replay!---and of course we are at home to them in a leegue game later tooneet!

An archive match report from that game iz printed below 
(ground number 7)  "When the bell tolls!"

'Fink' (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

007 maine road manchester city

(GROUND NUMBER 7)
Date of First Visit: 29th January 1969
MAINE ROAD, MANCHESTER

MANCHESTER CITY  2
NEWCASTLE UNITED  0

FA CUP 4th ROUND REPLAY
ATTENDANCE 60,844 (4,000 Toon fans)


"WHEN THE BELL TOLLS!"

A'd played 'the wag' from school to watch this one az it was a Wednesday neet game and heeded for Morden Street in the Haymarket, where the supporters club busses used to leave from.

Then horror! upon horror!----aa spotted a gadgie who looked remarkably like one of mee school teachers caalled Mr Burdon, waalkin' towards iz alang Porcy Street!!!---az he got nearer and nearer aa realised that it actually---WAS HIM!!!

In a state of 'blind panic' aa ran into the nearby 'tool sheds' that used to be in Morden Street (now Eldon Gardens cark park) to avoid him seein' iz and stayed there until he'd passed by!
To make sure he'd gone aa stood on a netty seat on mee tip-toes and peared oot of the tiny frosted glass windows which owerlooked the street and waited there 'til the busses torned up! (aa wasn't takin' any chances!)

Luckily!--he hadn't 'clocked iz', so when the busses arrived aa sneaked oot with mee coat collar torned up and wooly Toon hat pulled doon to mee eyebrows and hid at the back of the bus to avoid detection!---PHEW!---it was a 'close caall', but DUTY CAALLED!
If aa remember correctly there were aboot ten busses gannin doon and the convoy crossed the Tyne Bridge at 'high noon bells' precisely!

Mee forst visit to Maine Road was aalso mee forst ever away cup tie to see 'the lads', AND! (incidentleee!) it was aalso the forst time that a'd 'played the wag' from school to watch them!

Maine Road was built smack bang in the middle of a hoosin' estate in Moss Side and was suroonded by 'Coronation Street style' terraced hooses with thick smoke belchin' from their chimney tops.

Cobbled streets added to the 'ancient look' and there was an 'aad biddy' in a pinny on hor hands 'n' knees scrubbin' hor front door step just ower the road from the main stand entrance, as the crowds decended on the groond from aall directions.
SCRUBBERS AT WORK IN MANCHESTER!

Shih had an 'Ena Sharples style' hairnet on hor heed, alang with the obligatory curlers in hor hair az was the 'fashion' in them days, to complete 'The Coronation Street effect'! 
(Moss Side iz a bit different theeze days, with drug related gang violence and shootings, an everyday occurrence!---how times change!)

('Battle-axe Ena' would never had allowed it!)

Once inside, the groond looked quite impressive as it had cover on three sides with the anly uncovered part bein' the end that we were in behind one of the goals.
The 'City end' unusually was actually on the 'side' facin' the main stand and this was naan as 'The Kippax' which was a huge standin' terrace which ran the full length of the pitch.

The one thing that sticks oot in mee mind aboot these cup ties, was an aad wifey with bleached blonde hair who was dressed from heed to toe in City's colours ringin' a geet big bells in both cup games!
It was aalreet listenin' to it for a few seconds---but she just kept on!---and on!---and on!, ringin' the bloody thing non stop!---to the great annoyance of meesel and the rest of the Toon fans!
(Aa put mee hands ower mee lugs but it still made ne difference!)

In the forst game at St James' fower days orlier, which ended goalles, the fans in The Leazes End (who had a very 'dry' sense of humour!) started chantin'---"UNCLEAN!--UNCLEAN!", very time she rang the bell, and it had iz in stitches, aa can tell yiz! (In the middle ages anyone who had typhoid, cholora or the plague, had to gan roond ringin' a bell, shoutin' "UNCLEAN!", tih warn people that they were comin', so that they could scarper, SHARPish!)

At the replay shih was in front of the main stand next to the players tunnel and as soon as the game started shih was 'at it' again!
On closer inspection with mee 'mincers' it looked like one of them school bells that the teachers would ring when 'play time' was ower!
And for a split second aa stood still (as yi had ti de when the teacher rang the bell!) but suddenly remembered exactly where aa was and started jumpin' aboot with the rest of the Toon fans who were givin' their City counterparts a rendition of 'The Blaydon Races' to droon the noise of the bell oot! (for a couple of minutes at least!)

Anyway!---Man City were current league champions (havin' won the league at Newcasel the previous May!) and the class difference between the clubs would prove too much for us (alang with that F*****' bell!) as wor strikeforce of 'Wyn the Leap' and 'Pop' Robson were kept at bay by the City defence.
(Man City's team, by the way included 'one' Colin 'BELL'!---would you believe!)

City were clear favorites to win the replay with odds of 14/1 to win the cup, while Newcasel were comparative ootsiders at 33/1
Toon manager 'Smokin' Joe Harvey had taken his squad to Blackpool the day before to prepare for the game, but there was controversy surroondin' his players. His squad consisted of the 12 players who had faced City in the forst game (includin' sub Dave Elliott) plus Geoff Allen as a resorve.

Recent signin' Arthur Horsfield had been taken alang aalthough he wasn't elegible to play. In those days players had to be registered with a club for 14 days before they were able to play in an FA Cup tie and he didn't qualify. Nevertheless!---'Smokin' Joe' took him alang to make him feel part of the club and to get to naa his new team mates.

The forst game had been aall ticket, but City hadn't been able to sell their full allocation. Nevertheless, 57,944 mostly screamin' Geordies had crammed into St James' to see the game.
This figure was even exceeded at Maine Road where the attendance was 60,884 which included aroond 4,000 Geordies.
This meant that a total of---"er!"---(hang on a minute while aa gan and get mee calculator!)---118,838 fans had passed through the tornstiles to attend the two games! (not bad---"eh!")

Both sides seemed rather norvous durin' the openin' exchanges, aalthough City seemed less effected. Yet it was The Toon who went closest forst when Pop Robson flashed an 18yard shot that went just ower the bar.
But it was the Mancs who opened the scorin' forst after just six minutes play when Neil Young fired past McFaul in the Toon goal to a huge 'din' from the home crowd and (or course!) a huge 'ding' from 'that' bell!
The Toon shud have equalised when a lang high shot from Pop Robson hit the bar from close in.

The Magpies were made to pay for that miss when City increased their lead in the 69th minute when Booby Owen stabbed the baall home (the bell soonded louder than ever!) and wor 'Wembley dream' was ower!  

"Oh whey!"---a thought, as we heeded back to wor coaches----"At least we divvint have to listen to that F*****' BELL anymore!" ("Er!"---for another season at least!)

Footnote: Man City went on to win the FA Cup at Wembley that year---while Newcasel were left to gan for their aan 'cup glory' in Europe in the shape of The Inter Cities Fairs Cup!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)
  

Monday, 28 January 2019

THE TOON v THE BLUE MOONIES ***TOMORROW NEET!

Posted '2:00pm bells' Munday 28th January 2019
ST. JAMES' PARK AT NIGHT

We face a rampant Man City side tomorrow neet at SJP in a game that we feel we caannit win!
The Blue Moonies have scored 30 goals THIS MONTH (so far!) and they will be lookin' to add to that total tomorrow!
(MUST be some kind of record?)

NUFC on the othaa hand, have scored just 25 goals in the entire season! and there iz ne doubt that we will have a very defensive line up to try and stem the expected onslaught from wor visitors, who will be just one point behind The Liverbirds if they win!

Ne one expects us to win--or even draw, but yi never naa in futbaall!

WE fully expect that Man City will sell their entire allocation of 3,200 tickets (why wouldn't they?) and a crowd approachin 52,000 iz predicted!

Wor performance against Wotfaad in the FA Cup on Saturday woz truly shockin, but a vastly different line up will be on the pitch come '8 bells' tomorrow (for live telly)

A Geordie Times match report will appear here on Wedinzday----lets hope its not a 'shell shock' one!

In othaa news----a European TV revenue leegue haz been published which shows that NUFC are in 2nd place behind Everton with 71% of wor total revenue comin' from live games on the telly!

Sunday, 27 January 2019

"WEAZE KEYZ ARE THEAZE!"?

Posted '9:00pm bells Sunday 27th January 2019

On this day 29 years ago NUFC played Reading away in the FA Cup at Elm Park!


A classic match report on that game iz printed below!
(ground number 91)

091 (revisited) elm park, reading


Ground 091 (revisited)

Date of Visit: 27th January 1990

Elm Park, Reading


Reading  3

Newcastle United  3  (McGee (2), Quinn)


FA Cup 4th round

Attendance: 11,989 (est 2,000 Toon fans)




“Wheaze keyz are theaze?”





Several of us set off from ‘The Central’ on an orly train to King’s Cross sufferin’ from hangowers from the previous neet ‘binge session’ in ‘The Forth’, ‘The Star’ and ‘The Waterloo’, etc


We’d played ‘The Biscuitmen’ @ Elm Park for the forst time ever in The Leegue Cup orlier that season when we lost 3-1 and unbelievably we drew them away again in the FA Cup!


On arrival in ‘the smoke’ we made for Paddington where the train to Reading waz leavin’ from. Elm Park wasn’t far from the station and we did several ‘liquid lubrication locations’ on the way and by the time we got to the ground we were ‘canny snozzled’!


We took up wor places on the open standin’ terrace behind the goal, just in time to see the kick off.

Behind this open end there were a row of terraced hooses with their back gardens backin’ onto the perimeter wall. An old wifey waz hangin’ hor washin’ on a line, which included a very large pair of ‘pantaloons’! <(bloomers!) which she fastened with some clothes pegs she had in hor mouth!

The game kicked off and straight away The Toon went for the ‘jugular’. After a few chances we finally took the lead in the 27thminute when a Ray Ranson free kick on the edge of the box foond the heed of Mickey Quinn and he nodded the baall goalwards. The baall went in off the post az the Reading goalie got a hand to it, but couldn’t stop it enterin’ the net! --- 1-0 to ‘us’!


The lead didn’t last lang however az Bjorn Kristensen lost possession and the baall finally fell to the feet of full back Lindon Jones and he fired the baall past Burridge in the Toon goal --- 1-1!

A quick throw in a few minutes later allowed ‘Quinny’ to have a ‘half shot’ which foond the grateful Mark McGee and he had the simple task of puttin’ the baall into an empty net to restore wor lead az their goalie went ‘AWOL’! ---2-1 to ‘us’!


Disaster them befell us again on the stroke of half time when ‘Quinny’ attempted a back pass to ’Budgie’ Burridge but the baall foond Senior instead and he slid the baall into the net az Stimpson tried to whack it clear, but the linesman flagged to say that the baall HAD crossed the line! --- 2-2 nuw!

Again we re-took the lead orly in the 2nd half when a Ranson left footed shot waz parried by Francis in the Reading goal, but the baall fell nicely to Mark McGee who gleefully knocked home the rebound! –3-2 to ‘us’!


However!---this iz NUFC and 3 minutes into injury time the home side again drew level when a disastrous 40 yard back pass from John Gallacher, who waz under ne pressure, foond Reading winger Gilkes instead and he had the easy task of knockin’ the baall past Burridge to complete the greatest give-away since the invention of the January sales!!!


After the match we heeded straight back to Reading station and caught the forst train back to Paddington, where (again!) a canny few pints were shifted doon wor ‘gregorys’ and it waz at this point we lost ‘Fawlty Towers’ who waz a bit ‘cattle-trucked’ to say the least!


It waz then ‘onward’ to Hammersmith where we bumped into ‘Malla’, an exiled Geordie who worked in London az a painter and desercrator <(No!—this iz not a spellin’ error!) alang with several other exiles who worked doon there. Malla used to de hand drawn cartoons aboot the exploits of hiz fellow companions and called it “ER!” ‘The Geordie Times’! <(where we got the name from for this blog!)

Malla had digs opposite Charing Cross Hospital on Fulham Palace Road and he telt me aa could ‘doss’ there for the neet before catchin’ the train yem the next mornin’!


After many more ‘liquid lubrications’ in ‘The Swan’ and various othaa waaterin’ holes aroond Hammersmith we heeded off to ‘Malla’s pad for some much needed ‘shut-eye’---he said “This iz where aa live!” az he pointed towards a row of aboot 30 terraced hooses opposite Charing Cross Hospital and he invited me in!

“Aa’m starvin’!” said I (haadin’ mee beer-gut!) az Malla produced a very large bunch of keys to open the door! “There’s a fish shop and a chingkeez doon the road if yi want a ‘nose bag’!—Here’s the keys to let yersel back in!”, he said az he handed them to me (There were keys for hiz hoose, van and place he waz workin’ amongst others!)


So ‘off aa went’, trundlin’ doon the road from side to side and by pure chance aa bumped into ‘Tex’ Taylor who had been drinkin’ with us orlier on!

“Aa’m stoppin’ at Malla’s place up the road!”, aa said to Tex, “But aa’m gaannin for a ‘nose-bag’ forst coz aa’m claamin’—like!”

He followed me to ‘the chingkeez’ where 2 chicken currys with chips, fried rice and wontongs were consumed on the way back to Malla’s hoose and aa spilt half the curry sauce doon the front of mee Toon top!

The anly problem WAZ!---aa couldn’t remember which door it waz???—Aa took a wild guess and tried the keys in a front door lock, but it wouldn’t turn ---and so aa knocked loudly and sleepy eyed gadgie built like a Masai warrior who waz wearin’ a dressin’ gown and  a snazzy pair of carpet slippers (eventually!) came doon and answered the door <(ie: NOT Malla coz he’s a skinny c**t!) and he waz ‘non too pleezed’ to be awoken from hiz slumbers by 2 drunken Geordies! --“Sorry mate!—wrang hoose!” aa said sheepishly az he angrily slammed the front door in wor faces, mutterin’ sommik not very nice in a broad ‘Landan’ accent! <(“Fackin’ Cockney bustard!”)

 
FULHAM PALACE ROAD---"BUT WHICH DOOR?"

Not wantin’ to risk anothaa confrontation like that! and not havin’ a clue which waz Malla’s door, we decided to try and find somewhere else to kip for the night and heeded off back doon the road!

“Aa naa where there’s some railway sidings---We can climb into a carriage and get some sleep on the seats!”, said Tex

And so---‘off we set’ to find wor beds for the neet---it wasn’t that far away and so we sneaked onto a train in the sidings and ‘crashed oot’! “ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!!!”


Aboot 2 hours later aa felt a ‘jolt’ and opened mee ‘mincers’ and looked oot the window---

“TONY!” aa shouted <(Tex’s othaa name) “THE PLATFORM’S MOVIN’!”

Tex awoke suddenly and said, “It’s NOT the platform that’s movin’ yi daft C***!---It’s the F***IN’ TRAIN!”


PANIC STATIONS!!!—The train went for a few miles and suddenly stopped at Harringay Station!---It waz time to make A SHARP exit az we didn’t have a clue just where the train waz gannin’!


On alighting from the train aa fumbled in mee pocket and produced a large bunch of keys which I damgled in front of Tex

“Where did yi get them from?” he said  “Aa havvent got a clue?”  aa replied in a drunken stupor and az they were weighin’ mee pocket doon aa hoyed them away onto the railway tracks!


We then made wor way in the direction of King’s Cross, az by this time it waz ‘5 bells’ in the mornin’ and the forst train back yem waz due in!  Az we sobered up around aboot the Durham area the realisation ‘HIT ME’ that the ‘MYSTERY KEYS’ were wot Malla had given me to get into hiz flat!!!

Luckily! <(for me!) there were ne mobile phones in them days and Malla didn’t have my land-line number, so he couldn’t rant and rave at me!---until the next time we met at least!

Next day aa went doon to ‘The North British Bar’ (since renamed ‘Raffertys’) in Pink Lane near to ‘The Central’ where a’d arranged to meet Fawlty Towers’ who we’d lost at Paddington the day before and had never seen since!?

On orderin’ mee ‘liquid lubrication’ the ‘telling-bone’ rang behind the coontaa and the manager asked if there waz a ‘Fink’ in the bar! <(remember?---NE mobiles in them days!)

Aa reluctantly put mee hand up and hoped (and prayed) that it WASN’T Malla on the othaa end!---Thankfully It WASN’T—it waz ‘Fawlty’ to my great relief!


“Are yi comin’ doon for a a few ‘gargels’?” aa asked him!

“A’m in SOUTH WALES!---aa got the wrang train!—thought aa waz in King’s Cross, NOT Paddington and ended up in CARDIFF!”  <(yi couldn’t make it up!)

“SO!—yi NOT comin’ for a drink then!”, aa replied az he slammed the phone doon at the othaa end!


A few weeks later in ‘The Adelphi’ aa bumped into Malla ,  who waz non too pleased to see me!  “Where’s mee keys like?” he said in a not too friendly voice!

Wot could aa say???---aa just shrugged mee shoulders and bought him a pint to calm him doon!

“Aa had to get some new keys cut for mee hoose, van and work and mee landlord and work’s gaffer were NOT ‘happy bunnies’ when aa telt them a’d lost their keys!”

However!---He understood (from forst hand experience!) that the ravages of alchohol de funny things to your brain cells and he haz half forgiven me! <(Aa ‘fink’?)

To this day aa caall him “Wheayz Keyz Malla” and produce a bunch of rattlin’ keys from mee pocket when aa see him---just to remind him---like! <(NOT that he’ll ever forget!)


PS: We won the replay 4-1 with Mark McGee (2), Micky Quinn and Mark Robinson getting’ wor goals---(this waz Robinson’s one and anly goal for NUFC)

We never played @ Elm Park again <(Reading have moved on to ‘pastures new’)



A TOON X1, 0 --- A WOTFAAD X1, 2 *** FA CUP 4TH ROOND

Posted '10:43am bells' Sunday 26th January 2019
FREDDIE WOODMAN TAKES A GOAL KICK IN THE FORST HALF
(VIEW FROM ROW 'QQ' IN THE GALLOWGATE END)

"13 IN A ROW!---OUT WE GO!"

It won't take lang to write this match report!----For the 13th season in a row we failed to get into February and the 5th roond of the FA Cup under 'The Fat Controller's 'reign'! (He wasn't there of course!)
And this for a club that haz played in 13 FA Cup finals-----aall in the distant past!
SPOT THE 18,000 EMPTY SEATS?
The forst half can be summed up in one word: "SHOCKIN'!", az it truely woz, az we attacked The Leazes goal!
Mebeez the word 'attacked' iz the wrang one, az we didnt have one solitary shot on target in the whole half!
Playin yet anothaa 'scratch X1' in this competition with Woodman in goal to Joselu at centre forward, yoo just knew that this would be 'anothaa bad day at the office'!
2nd HALF 'INACTION' AZ WE 'ATTACK? THE GALLOWGATE GOAL!


The 2nd half woz even worse az we conceded 2 bad goals, the forst on the hour mark and the 2nd near the very end, that had the vast majority of the 33,000 Toon fans heedin for the exits!
Wor 'beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller' wasn't there to hear the protests against him (again) with repeated chants of "Get out of our club!", "Stand up if yoo hate-----!"('yee naa who') and worse!
'Lucky him' for missin' this debacle!

We did actually have ONE shot on target, ("Wow!") from Manquillo, and Prerez went close az well, but it woz aall too little tooo late!

Wot made the defeat even more gallin' ,woz the fact that Wotfaad played a 'scratch X1' az well! 

We just didn't look interested, which begs the question, just why did we enter the competition in the forst place?
TWO words can describe wor performance at the end:
"TRUELY SHOCKIN'!"

Toon team: Woodman, Manquillo, Fernandez (Shcar 81), Lascelles, Clark, Ritchie( Atsu 73), Murphy (Perez 72), Hayden, Longstaff, Kennedy, Joselu

Attendance: Just 34,604 (1,400 Elton John Mob devotees!)

*PS: Grandson Jamie aged 9, who I take to the games, wanted to leave after the 2nd goal! 
I told him that he had to "lorn to suffer" like the rest of us and made him stay til the final whistle by putting my legs across the seats to stop him gettin' oot!
(Am I a cruel grandad ---or wot?)

In othaa news ---it woz reported that Jordan Lakaku, who demanded a large wage packet, failed hiz medical in the loan deal that collapsed------now we naa why!
"THANKFULLY JORDAN FAILED THE MEDICAL!
HE IZ HMV POSITIVE!"

*


Friday, 25 January 2019

TELLY TIMES FOR MARCH RELEASED!

Posted '1:55pm bells' Thorsday 24th January 2019
Updated Friday '4:27pm bells'
"APRIL FOOL!---YET ANOTHAA MUNDAY NEET AWAY GAME!"

The NUFC fixtures in March changed for live telly---Up til now every game in that month had a Saturday '3 bells' kick off time!
SKY have picked 2 of wor 4 games , while BT have yet to decide on the games they will cover!

Sat 2nd March: The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham (away)KICK OFF CHANGE
Now at '5:30 bells' kick off (SKY)

Sat 9th March: The Toffee Noses of Everton (home) '3 bells'?

Sat 16th March: Bournemoooth (away) (FA Cup 6th roond day) '3 bells'?

Sat 23rd March: International break from 18th to 26th March

Sat 30th March: The Arse (away) CANCELLED!
Now APRIL FOOLS DAY (Munday) '8:00 bells' kick of (SKY)
This meeenz that we have played ONE home game for live telly and this will be wor 14th (FOURTEENTH!) away from home!
Where's the justice in it aall????

* The Geordie Times will of course bring yoo the fixture changes for BT az soon az we find oot! 

PS: Wor home game v Bornley haz been moved az well---from Wed 27th Feb to Tue 26th Feb for a live BT broadcast ('8 bells' ko)

*

THE TOON v WOTFAAD *** FA CUP 4th ROOND *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '2:50pm bells' Friday 24th January 2019
A VIEW TO DIE FOR!
LOOKIN' TOWARDS
STRAWBERRY PLACE
AND THE GALLOWGATE END
FROM SOHO BAR

We return to FA Cup action after wor 4-2 win at Bleakburn the othaa week in the thord roond replay, when we play Wotfaad at SJP tomorrow at '3 bells'!

We fully expect anothaa weakened FA Cup X1 team to torn oot, with a game against the current champions Man City next Tuesday on the horizon!

Wotfaad, who we beat at home in a leegue game orlier this season (1 of anly 3 home wins!) will probably field a full strength team, az they are safe from relegation and too far away from a European places!
ie: They may az well 'gan for it' and will be favourites to progress to the 5th roond----a roond we have never reached under 'The Fat Controller's leadership! (The last time we reached the 5th roond woz 13 years ago in 2006!)

Premyaa Leegue survival iz more important and with anly SIX days of the transfor window left, the silence iz (once again!) deafenin' regardin' any PERMANENT new signings to add to wor weak squad!

Lets face it!--'we' won't win the FA Cup anyway, will we?
Although it would be a very nice distraction from the rigours of the leegue to reach the fifth roond after 13 years of abject failure in the competition!
'The Elton John Mob' have been allocated 6,000 tickets for the top deck of The Leazes End---however!--we anly expect a thoosand or so to travel up from Hertfordshire!
We 'fink' a crowd approachin' 40,000 will be in attendance, including thoosands of screamin' kids, who will get in for 'a fiver'! 

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual on Sunday, alang with any transfor news!


A BYGONE ERA---THE LAST TIME NUFC WON THE CUP WOZ IN THE 1950's
WHEN YOO COULD BY A PINT OF BEER FOR '1s/3p' (6 pence!)
JACKIE MILBURN IZ INTRODUCED
TO PRIME MINISTER WINSTON CHURCHILL BEFORE THE 1952
FA CUP WIN v ARSENAL 

Thursday, 24 January 2019

THE TOON ARE 19th RICHEST IN WORLD***YET WE CANNIT COMPETE WITH BOURNEMOOOTH!

Posted '4:14pm bells' Thorsday 24th January 2019

The latest Delotte 'money leegue' places NUFC in 19th place in the world rankins with a revenue of  £173 million quid!---a 108% increase!

Yet we must get players on loan like Jordan Makaku from Lazio, who haz played just ONE game for the Italian club this season, because of a knee injury! (anothaa crock?)

WE cannit even complete with Bournemoooth, who's groond capacity iz less than non leegue Gatesheed's!

Wot a situation to be in, feedin' on 'the scraps' that othaa clubs divvint want, and its aall one fat man's fault, who's fat wallet gets fatter and fatter by the minute!

GEORDIE TIMES BREAKIN' NEWS! *** LUKAKU HEEDS FOR TOON!

Posted '2:27pm bells' Thorsday 24th January 2019



NUFC have agreed a loan deal for LUKAKU!
Unfortunatly it isn't the Man U striker, its hiz bruvver Jordan who plays for Lazio in Italy and iz a defender!

Apparentleee he haz played just ONE game aall season because of a knee injury!----soonds aboot reet and shows the plight we are in under 'The Fat Controller's leadership????

Wednesday, 23 January 2019

"WHERE'S THE S***** D***** SIGNS GONE FROM THE PLAYERS TUNNEL?"

Posted '4:15pm bells' Wedinzday 23rd January 2019

Congtrats to Paul Dummett for collectin' an award for completin' 100 Premyaa Leegue games with NUFC.

The picture shows Paul with hiz award in the NUFC players tunnel, which mysteriously haz lost the ugly red, white and blue advorts which were plastered aall ower the tunnel for a certain sports company----and above the 'HOWAY THE LADS' sign!
(NOT that we're complainin'---like!)


In othaa news, 2 loan signins are in the offin' before the January transfor window closes in EIGHT days time----We thought az much!---loan signins are aboot the best we can expect theeze days from wor skinflint owner! 

Tuesday, 22 January 2019

NOTTS COONTY U23s v THE TOON U23s *** FA PREMYAA LEEGUE CUP *** KO '2:00 BELLS'

Posted from '2:00pm bells' Tuesday 22nd January 2019
TEAM SHEET
Latest score: 1-0 'up'!  Sam Osborne (22nd minute)
Correction: 1-0 'doon'! (Osborne iz one of their players (didn't check team sheet!)ðŸ˜ē
(Wot did yoo expect from 'The Geordie Times'?)

Latest score: 2-0 to 'them'  (Ellott Ward 58th minute)
Latest score: 2-1 Mo Sangare pull one back for us! (69th minute)
Latest score: 2-2 Kelland Watts saves the day! (88th minute)
FT: 2-2
THE TOON ARE IN THE LIGHT BLUE STRIP
(NOTTS COONTY PLAY IN BLACK N WHITE STRIPES AZ WELL!)
Thanx to 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' for pic and team sheet!

HT score: 1-0 to 'us'---correction, to 'them'

FT score: 2-2

Attendance: Not many! 120 ish,  7 NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!

"HOLD THE BACK PAGE!" *** THE FAT CONTROLLER MAKES A RECORD SIGNING!

Posted '1:26pm bells' Tuesday 22nd January 2019

Sensational news reaches The Geordie Times!
Wor 'beloved' owner??? 'The Fat Controller' haz finally put hiz hand in hiz pocket and signed a record deal!
Wor new record signing! *** Jamaal LASSIEcelles!


MEEENWHILE!---in othaa news, wor U23s are in 
action in less than an hours time @ The Manor 
Groond, Ilkeston, where we take on Notts Coonty 
in The Premyaa Leegue Cup!
If yoo are gannin' yoo had better hurry up az
 KO iz @ '2 bells'!
Admission iz £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers have been 
here before (beleeeve it, or not!) when we played 
Ilkeston in an FA Youth Cup tie 4 years ago and 
a match report on that game iz printed in the 
article below! (ground number 318)

At least 3 of 'The Hoppers' will be there again, 
includin' 'Glennn from Ashington', 'Biffa the Beer' 
and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and we 
hope to get some pix from them in the next few hours!

Watch this space for a match report from one of them!

NEWS FLASH!
Here iz the team sheet for todays game sent by 'Blondie' Alan!




ground number 318 new manor ground, ilkeston, derbyshire

(Ground number 318)

Date of first visit: 16th December 2015
New Manor Ground, Ilkeston, Derbyshire

Ilkeston U18s 2
Newcastle United U18s 3 (McNall, Heaney 2)

FA Youth Cup 3rd round
Attendance: 927 (7 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' + 10 or so 'exiles'!)
The attendance waz 455 more than Ilkeston's 1st team average gate for this season ---which iz!---472---highest 534!


"VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY!"

1st goal scored by Lewis McNall   (I hope yiv got good eyesight!?)

The jorney doon to deepest Derbyshire waz pretty uneventful apart from the usual traffic jams en-route az aa picked up the 'hoppers' at various locations!
A magnificent 7 of us travelled doon and we arrived @ 'The Manor Born' @ '6 bells'---3 and a half hours after departure from Pink Lane in The Toon!
I asked the lassie on the tornstile just wot age concessions started az it said on the sign that it waz £3 for adults and just £1 for concessions!
She didn't know, but let me in for ONE POOND when I telt hor I waz ower 60! <(quick!--pass mee zimmer frame!)
"The MAGnificent 7!"

'The Robins' clubhoose inside the groond waz wor forst port o call  after payin' the 'extortionate' admission price, where a pint of 'Worthy' in a thin plastic glass, waz the order of the day <(NE concessions for the beer mind!)

A *healthy crowd which I estimated to be around aboot the thoosand mark had come for Northern Premyaa Leegue Ilkeston's 'big day' (more than twice the number they get for a 1st team game!) and they were in good voice az the game kicked off!
(*'Healthy' in terms of crowd size and NOT beer gut SIZE!---of which there were many!)

However!--It waz The Toon's youngins who dominated the forst half and we took the lead in the 16th minute when Lewis McNall slotted home after the baall had rebounded off the Ilkeston post and fell nicely for him!

Wor lead waz doubled in the 33rd minute when 'Mac' Heaney's shot waz deflected into the back of the Ilkeston net!

It waz 'game ower' (or so we thought!) when again, Heaney had a shot which waz deflected to completleee wrang foot their keeper--and we 'were cruisin'!

Of course this IZ NUFC, albeit at the junior level, so when Ilkeston pulled a goal back through sub Roy Lee in the 2nd half on the hour mark with a toe poked effort, it waz aall of a sudden 'panic stations'! (this waz Lee's 1st touch of the baall!)
Just TWO minutes later and they pulled anothaa one back when Lee (again) heeded past Paul Woolston in the Toon goal az wor defence crumbled like a piece of Christmas cake!

There waz an anxious last 15 minutes az the clock tower in the corner of the groond ticked doon and we had visions of the game gannin to extra time and penalties!
Action in the 2nd half at 'The Clock Tower End'

One Ilkeston fan behind me who waz taalkin to hiz mate in a very loud voice, didn't realise this and waz hopin' for a replay so he could sample the delights of St James' Park, az he thought that hiz sides 2nd goal waz in fact an EQUALISER! <(The 'dickhead' had obviously missed one of wor goals and didn't naa that there were NE replays anyway!)

Anyway!--we somehow managed to keep the home side at bay az the crowd roared them on--but it waz to 'no avail' az we held oot to win the contest in normal time!---just!

It waz then the lang drive back to Tyneside via York to drop 'Dave from York' off, then to Middleton St George to drop 'Alex of St George' off, then to Whitley Bay to drop 'Biffa the Beer' off, then to Ashington to drop 'Glenn from ---(yes yiv guessed it!) Ashington' off, then to Throckley to drop 'The Mad Professor' off and finally to the banks o' the Tyne to drop ME and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' off!  ('Blondie' had parked hiz 'jam jar' at wor hoose and waz drivin' back to Langley Park in Coonty Durham where he lives!) A 387.4 miles roond trip in mee canny tranny 'bespoke' mini bus!

"SPOT THE TYNE BRIDGES!"

In othaa words EVERY ONE of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' lives miles (and miles!) apart from each othaa!
"WE WAZ THERE!"


Team sheet---"Torn your heeds to the left to read!"

PS: THE TOON WILL PLAY AFC WIMBLEDON @ SJP IN THE NEXT ROOND
(Date and time to be conformed)


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