THE TOFFEE NOSES 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted from '11:00am bells' Wedinzday 22nd January 2020 on the train back yem from Liverpoool!

"GLOVELY JUBBLY!"

For starters, forget aboot the first 90 minutes az NUFC were absolutely c*ap!

Evaatin were aall ower us az we struggled to get ower the halfway line or put 2 passes together!

It woz nee suprize when wor hosts took the lead in the 30th minute through Kean!

With Joelinton up front with Almiron we faced the hopeless task of tryin for an equaliser!
We somehow went in just one goal to the bad at half time!
We had nee shots on target in this half!

The Toffee Noses doubled their lead 9 mins after the restart when Calvert-Lewin fired past Dubravka in The Toon goal!

The ineffective Joelinton then went off and az we had nee forwards on the subs bench, he woz replaced by Schar!

Evaatin shud have had many more goals az the game reached its climax and the 4th official indicated 4 mins of stoppage time!

And then the fun started!
In the 94th minute Lejeune latched onto a corner kick and sort of sizzor kicked the baall into the net for a consolation goal at The Glydiss Street End! (Or so we thought!)

And then the moment of the game!----A mad scramble in the Evaatin box just one minute after wor forst goal resulted in the ref pointing to hiz watch to indicate that the baall had crossed the line and signalled a goal for us!

The Toon fans went ballistic az the players ran towards us!

Because of the poor view we had from row 8 of The Bullens Road Stand, (above) nee one had a clue who had scored the goal, but it mattered not az we had got a precious point az the ref blew for full time!

Amazing!--- we didn't have a shot on goal in normal time, but got 2 in 5 minutes of extra time!

 Toon players hoy their shirts

to the fans at the end of the game!

It later transpired that the mackem we love to hate, Jordan 'short arms' Pickford, had been standing behind the goal line az he caught the baall with his bright yellow gloves, for wor equaliser!
UNREAL!- But comical!
(Lejeune had scored again!)

NUFC had done another smash and grab raid, followin wor very late winner against Chelski last Saturday !

PS: It shud be noted that many Toon fans left orly and missed wor goals, includin 'Donald from Darlo' and 'Alex of St. George'
They had a very restricted view of the goals as they were sitting on a bus back to the city centre when we scored!
Perhaps they shud be caalled 'Donald the Duckegg' and 'Alex the A******e'!

Toon team: Dubravka, Hayden, Fernandez, Lascelles
(Lejeune 70), Ritchie, Almiron, S.Longstaff, M.Longstaff, Atsu(Krafth 72), Joelinton (Schar 79)

Attendance: 38,822 (1,500 disbelieving Toon fans!)

*Az Del Boy would say:
"2 goals in stoppage time!"
"Glovely jubbly!"


The pub crawl!

THE TOFFEE NOSES v THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE *** TOMORROW NEET!

Posted 'high noon bells Munday 20th January 2020

The games are comin' up thick and fast and before we've had time to draw breath ("pant!-puff!-pant!"), we are off on wor travels yet again, this time to the 'blue half' of Liverpoool, where we take on Evaatin at Goodison Park in a '7:30 bells' kick off, tomorrow neet!

NUFC have sold an allocation of just 1,500 tickets for The Bullens Road Lower Stand (we could have had the Upper Stand az well, but couldn't sell anymore tickets!)

We are actually on the same number of points az wor hosts and are just 5 points behind 5th place Moan U in a EUFA Cup place!

Dummett, Gayle, Muto and Willems are aall  'crocked' and there are aalso doubts aboot Carroll, Ki, Manquillo and Yedlin---so the injury list iz still canny lang!

We leave tomorrow mornin', but not on the train we booked az its been cancelled!----and (unbeleeevableee!) so haz wor train back from Liverpoool!
(Are we 'train jinxed' or wot?--az this iz the umpteenth time this season that sommik haz gone wrong on train jornies to and back from away games!)

A Geordie Times match report will appear here (from mee mobile telling bone) az we travel back on a train that hasn't been cancelled on Wedinzday mornin'! (So the report might have a few sppellin missstakes, due to the train bumpin alang the track!)

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

PS: Just hord the bad news that Dummett and Willems are oot for the rest of the season!😳

THE TOON 1 THE CHELSKI HEADHUNTERS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '11:27am bells' Sunday 19th January 2020

ISSAC HAYDEN (nearest to goal) SCORES TO WIN THE GAME!

(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!)

(View from row 2 of The Milburn Stand Balcony)

"HAYDEN 'BRIDGES' THE GAP!"

With 70% of the possetion to wor 30%, yoo would have thought that Chelski would have won this game easily, but wor 1 solitary corner deep into stoppage time, to their 10, proved decisive az we won it with the anly goal of the game through Issac Hayden!

Anothaa bad injury, this time to Willems in the 12th minute (who looked like he'd twisted hiz knee) looked like it would be 'anothaa bad day at the office' for NUFC 

Chelski had went for 'the jugular' from 'the off' az they attacked The Gallowgate goal, but we defended MAGnificently and deied them on a number of occasions. 
On wor part, Joelinton sent in a powerful heeder at The Leazes End, but unluckily for him it hit the crossbar and boonced back into play, with their goalie well beaten!--Wor anly real effort of the half!

JOELINTON (right arm raised) HEEDS AGAINST THE BAR!

(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!)

 We somehow managed to get in level at half time, which woz some achievement, believe yoo me!

1st HALF ACTION AZ NUFC ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL

Again, in the 2nd period 'The Headhunters' went on the offensive, but again, we defended az though wor lives depended on it and Matt Ritchie made a great clearance off the line, with Dubravka, in The Toon goal beaten!
Chelski got corner after corner, but couldn't make the breakthrough and it woz 'us' with wor forst corner of the game in the 3rd minute of stoppage time that made the unlikely breakthrough!

2nd HALF ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END!

Matt Ritchie took it at 'The Strawberry Corner', but it woz cleared to Saint-Maximin, who sent in a pinpoint cross where Issac Hayden rose above the Chelski defence to heed into a gap in the far corner of the net, with barely seconds to spare til the end of the game!
The crowd (who had stayed!) went ballistic az the players celebrated wildly on the touchline!---a 'SMASH and GRAB' raid, if ever there woz one!
10 year old grandson Jamie, had wanted to leave with the thousands who had heeded to the exits, but I told him that 'we' had to wait til the 'bitter end' az I said, "This iz futbaall Jamie!---anything can happen!", and of course 'IT DID'!

Explanation: 'Chelski 'Headhunters'---The Chelsea Headhunters were a notorious skinhead gang from the 1970s.
Haydon Bridge iz a village in Northumberland on the river South Tyne, hence the headline: 'HAYDEN 'BRIDGES' THE GAP!" (sic!)

The win lifts us up to 12th in the table, 7 points clear of the drop zone and just 5 points behind Moan U (in 5th place) with 29 points!----11 points to gan for the so caalled 'MAGical' 40 points total to avoid relegation, with 15 games to gan! 

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth (S. Longstaff 71), Lascelles, Clark, Fernandez, Willems (Ritchie 12), Hayden, Shelvey (M.Longstaff 85), Saint-Maximin, Almiron, Joelinton

Attendance: 52,217 (3,100 unhappy Headhunters!) ("HA!-HA!")

VERY HAPPY FANS LEAVE AFTER THE MATCH!

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THE TOON V THE CHELSKI HEADHUNTERS *** THIS EVENIN'!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 18th January 2020

'THE GALLOWGATE END' FROM GALLOWGATE!

The Toon face Chelski at SJP in a live telly game which kicks off at '5:30 bells'

The good news is that Saint-Maximin and Fabian Schar are set to return after injury.
While Jonjo Shelvey, Matt Ritchie, Ciaran Clark, Jetro Willems and Jamal Lascelles are also ready to return!

However!---Dummett, , Manquillo, Ki, Gayle, Muto and Yedlin are aall still 'crocked'!

The game iz a complete full hoose, with a selloot of 42,000 and of course the 10,000 freebee tickets!=52,000 plus
'The Chelski Headhunters' az per usual have sold their entire allocation of 3,100 tickets for level 7 of The Leazes End!
(We say 'Headhunters' az that's wot they used to call their notorious skinheads back in the 1970s!)

NUFC reeely need to get sommik from this game, even a point will be great, but Chelski are a strong side and it will be a tough game for certain!
Hopefully Joelinton will have gained some confidence after hiz forst goal at SJP v The Rochdale Cowboys last Tuesday, but Chelski are a totally diferent 'animal' to Leegue One Rochdale!

A full Geordie Times match report on the game will appear here sometime on Sunday----Cheers for now, az its time to gan 'on the hoy' before the game in The Bodega and othaa drinkin establishments near HQ!

TOON OOT OF TOP 30 IN RICH LIST!

Posted '1:55pm bells' Friday 17th January 2020

"BARCELONAA- REEEL MADRID!
CAN YOO LEND US- A FEW QUID!"

The latest Deloitte rich list of futbaall clubs aroond the world haz been released and NUFC have dropped from 19 place in 2019 and we are not even in the top 30 in 2020, with even Cristil Palliss above us! (A team with less than half wor support!)

The Deloitte Futbaall Money Leegue 2020 top 10 (in Euros)

1 Barcelonaa---840 million
2 Reeel Madrid---757 million 
3 Moan U---711 million
4 Bayern Muunich---660 million
5 Paris St. Jawmain---636 million
6 Man City---610 million
7 The Liverbirds---604 million
8 Sporz---521 million
9 Chelski---513 million
10 Juventus---460 million

In the 2019 list NUFC were in 19th place with a revenue of 202 million Euros!
Palliss, in 30th place have a revenue of 175 million in 2020, so this meeenz (coz we are lower than them now!) that wor revenue haz dropped by at least 78 million Euros! (Nee figures have been released by Deloitte for NUFC's latest revenue figures, or wor latest placings in the list!)

And yoo can bet your botton Dollar (or shud that be 'Euro'?) that it will faall even forthaa az 10,000 PAYIN' fans from last season, who have boycotted games this season, have been replaced by 10,000 FREE-BEEZ! (How much haz THAT futhaa reduced revenue?)

It's "ANOTHER 'FINE MESS'!" for certain, az Oliver Hardy would say!

THE TOON 4 THE ROCHDALE COWBOYS 1 *** FA CUP 3RD ROOND REPLAY

Posted '1:11pm bells' Wedinzday 15th January 2020

VIEW FROM ROW QQ SEAT 93 IN THE GALLOWGATE END

"FOUR ONE--EVEN JOEY SCORED!"

At last Joelinton scored a goal at SJP in a competitive game!  It woz the 4th goal which sealed the game at The Gallowgate End as he fired home from inside the box!
He celebrated wildly as he ran towards the home dugout when he woz hugged by 'Broken Nose Bruce! ("Arr!")

The goal sequences were az follows: 17th minute, Rochdale's O'Conner disasterly torned the baall into hiz own net to give us the lead! (At least he can say he's scored a goal at SJP!(sic!)

21st minute: Matty Longstaff fires in a great shot to give the 'Cowboy's keeper nee chance and double wor lead!

26th minute: A bad misstayk by their keeper let in Miggy Almiron and he said "thank you very much!" to treble wor lead with a fine effort! (his 4th goal in the last 7 games!)

It woz  'game over' at this point az the Leegue One side struggled to even get ower the halfway line!
There woz nee more scorin' in this half!

We went through the motions in the 2nd half az the 2,500 Rochdale fans in level 7 of The Leazes End tried to lift their team with cries of "DAY-IL!, DAY-IL!" (Geordie translation: "DALE!-DALE!")

And then Joey's goal in the 83rd minute woz the icing on the cake!
Some sloppy defendin' on wor part gave wor visitors a goal near the end, through Williams, az their fans celebrated wildly!

The crowd of just under 30,000 woz a lot more than we expected, but woz still the lowest FA Cup crowd at SJP for 10 years!

Toon team: Darlow, Krafth, Lascelles (Allan 57), Lejeune, Ritchie (Shelvey 79), Hayden, M. Longstaff, S. Longstaff, Atsu, Almiron (Carroll 62), Joelinton

Attendance: 29,786 (2,500 'Cowboys' and 'Cowgirls'!)

*PS: Wor home game v Oxfaad in the 4th roond will take place on Saturday 25th January with a '3:00 bells' kick off (nee live telly)

THE TOON V THE ROCHDALE COWBOYS *** FA CUP 3RD ROOND REPLAY ***TOONEET!

Posted '11:40pm bells' Munday 13th January 2020 at Woodall services truck park M1 northbound
Updated '12:47pm bells' (onwards) Tuesday at 'wor hoose!'

The Milburn Stand from the bottom of Barrack Road.
Haz wor heed coach said to the players who are injured,
"Right lads, lets see who can run to the top and back fastest!" 

Up to 3,000 'Cowboys (and Cowgirls!) are comin to Tyneside tooneet and this will be their first ever visit to 'The Cathedral on the Hill'!
We hope they are good at stair climbin' az they will be housed at the top of The Leazes End level 7, "pant-pant!-pant!"
(More on 'stair climbin' below!)

Matt Ritchie iz in contention for a place in the starting line up, which is good news!  'Broken Nose Bruce' iz optimistic that Joelinton will be available after sufferin a groin injury in wor 1-1 draw at Wolves on Saturday. ('He' might be 'optimistic' at Joe's possible inclusion---but most of The Toon Army are NOT!) 

Lascelles is also expected to start, but the likes of Shelvey, Dummett, Schar, Yedlin, Ki, Manquillo, Gayle and Saint-Maximin are still injured and will miss oot!----This begs the question az to Bruce's trainin methods----Haz he got the players to run umpteen times up and doon the 250 stairs to the top of The Milburn Stand and back?

In othaa words---a  severely weakened team will take to the field later on, which gives wor Leegue One visitors  a little bit of hope of a shock result!----And (of course!) we have seen that many-many times before! (An incredible 23 FA Cup defeats in total against lower leegue opposition, since the 2nd World War!)

We expect a low crowd of roond aboot 20,000-25,000 and a full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here as usual on Wedinzday!
Az per usual "Watch this space!"

PS: Az I speak, it's absolutleee p*ssin' doon on Tyneside ('3:39pm bells') SO! there cud well be a lower crowd than we predicted, az fans 'bin' the £5 and £10 cheapy tickets for the game and keep nice and dry in their hooses or local 'drinkin dens'!

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ 1 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '10:44am bells' Sunday 12th January 2020

VIEW FROM ROW 'P', SEAT '140', IN 'THE STEVE BULL PADDOCK'

"BRAVO DEBRAVKA!"

We left The Toon at '6:50am bells' and heeded for Wolves via Manchester Piccadilly, where we changed trains!---We did have 30mins between trains, so!---az yi dee!---we heeded for the boozer in Piccadilly station for a quick 'throat tickler' before catchin wor 2nd train!

PICCADILLY, MANCHESTER

We arrived at Wolves station just before '11:00 bells' and woz told via a text message from 'Dave from York' that 'The Great Western' boozer where we normally gan when we come here, haz barred away fans and they couldn't get in!
(Dave iz 76 years old---did they reeely 'fink' that he would attack the Wolves fans with hiz zimmer frame?)

They were forced to gan to a 'dedicated away bar' alang the road caalled The Blue Brick, which woz part of a Premyaa Inns hotel complex!
We heeded there to be told that it woz a quid to get in and (of course!) were forced to drink oot of those 'drastic plastic' pint pots on the orders of the local 'Dibble' for anothaa £4 a pint (so that woz actually a fiver for the forst pint in total!)

"SPOT THE LINESMAN!?"

There were seats in the restaurant, where yoo had to order a 'nose bag' to sit there and so fish n chips at £4:50 woz ordered from the waitress!---Bizarrely, the waitress service aalso included orderin' beer, which woz sorved oot of REAL GLASS pint pots! (yi couldn't make it up!)

"SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!?"

There woz nee point in gannin anywhere else az aall the othaa boozers including Wetherspoons would anly let yoo in if yoo showed a Wolves season ticket! ("Welcome to Wolverhampton---NOT!")👎

After wor fish 'nose bag' and several 'liquid lubrications' it woz time to heed for the groond in the pourin' rain, which woz a 20 minute walk away!
Az per usual the 'away end' woz packed with 3,000 noisy Geordies, who were housed in the 'Steve Bull paddock', which runs the full length of the pitch!

1st HALF ACTION AZ NUFC ATTACK 'THE SOUTH BANK END'

NUFC started off well and Miggy Almiron had a shot which went narrowly pasrt the post at 'The South Bank End' to wor left after 4 minutes!
And it woz Almiron who scored after just 7 minutes on the clock, when he received a 'flick on' from Dwight Gayle and he hit a sweet right footer from just inside the box, into the top corner of the net to send the 3,000 faithful into ecstasy! (Miggy's 3rd goal in the last 6 games!)

However!--- the lead didn't last lang and after a ridiculous penalty claim in front of wor goal woz torned doon, a resultin corner to Wolves led to the equaliser, when Fernandez failed to mark Dendonker and he placed the baall into the net, just 5 mins after wor opener!
2 muscle injuries to Dummett and Gayle meant that we were forced to use 2 of wor subs (Lejeune and Atsu) before half time and the switchin of positions gave Wolves the chance to take the lead. 
But they were denied by Toon goalie Dubravka who made a remarkable save from Jiminez to keep the score level at the break!

2nd HALF, AT 'THE NORTH BANK END'

The 2nd half woz mostly spent in wor half az the 'Wanabeez' went for the winner, but again Dubravka woz in remarkable form with 2 point blank saves and it woz 'he' who got us a valuable point and extent wor record of nee 'top flight' defeats here since 1977!
Matty Longstaff aalso 'saved us' with a great clearance off the goal line near the end!
Joelinton woz ineffective again, and woz replaced by Andy Carroll with 10 mins to gan---a total waste of £40 million if yoo ask any Toon fan! 

"WE WOZ THERE!"

After the game we heeded back to the train station to catch the train back to Manchester, where wor train back had been cancelled!---We ended up jumpin on anothaa train and arrived back on Tyneside at '9:30 bells' 
We had stopped the rot of 3 successive defeats in the leegue and moved 6 points clear of Bornmoooth in the last relegation place!

Toon team: Dubravka, Hayden, Clark, Fernandez, Dummett (Lejeune 13), Willems, S. Longstaff, M. Longstaff, Almiron, Gayle (Atsu 28), Joelinton (Carroll 80)

Attendance: 31,570 (3,000 Toon fans)

* PS: The next time we play Wolves away, we will gan to Stafford for the pre match 'liquid lubrications'! (Stafford iz 30 mins away by train!)  I am sure they will welcome us with 'open arms' az we are canny spenders!🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺!

LATEST FROM LEIGH! *** FT *** MOAN U U23S 2 THE TOON U23S 1

Posted '9:03 pm bells' Friday 10th January 2020

Spot the Moan U 'faithful flags' behind the left hand goal!

Moan U U23s 2 v  The Toon U23s 1 (Elliot Anderson)
Anderson scored a last minute goal with a powerful shot that went in off the post, but it woz tooo late to avoid defeat!

 special thanx to

'NUFC mad-sad groundhopper' 

'Glennn from Ashington' 

for pix!

*Attendance: 1,700

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:40pm bells' Friday 10th January 2020

We heed for the delights of 'the black country' in the mornin, where will be playin Wolves at Molineux in a '3:00 bells' ko

Havin lost wor last 3 Premyaa Leegue games, we reely must try and get sommik from a high flyin Wolves team who sit in 7th place in the table, compared to wor 13th place and now just 5 points above the drop zone!
We actually have a very good record at Molineux, havin' been undefeated in wor last 5 visits here, and have NEVER lost here in the Premyaa Leegue era---wor last top flight loss comin 43 years ago in 1977!

A proven striker iz needed for certain in the January window, but we fear (yet again!) that wor absent owner 'The Fat Controller', will just "suck hiz thumbs" and "hope for the best!"

Dummett, Gayle, Almiron and Carroll are available and Saint-Maximin iz said to be in contention for a much needed retorn to the fray!

NUFC have sold wor entire allocation of 3,000 tickets for The Steve Bull Stand!
Mee forst ever visit to Molineux woz way back in 1968 and a match report from that game from nearly 52 years ago, iz reprinted below this article! (ground number 005)

Meeenwhile, tooneet wor U23s travel to Leigh Sports Village in Lancashire where we take on Moan Us equivalent and 'Glennn from Ashington' will send us match pix etc from the game (We've been to Leigh before in 2011!)

A full Geordie Times match report on the Wolves game will appear here sometime on Sunday, plus a brief match report on wor U23s game!
Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

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