THE TOON 3 NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN (OR HOVE!) 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 3rd May 2026

"SAFE AZ HOOSES!"

A game we really did have to win--and we DID, but it woz a very norvee SJP crowd to witness it!

The alarm bells were ringin orly on when Brightin attacked the Leazes goal, ---and within 2 minutes they had broken through wor defence, but Hinchelwood's shot woz saved by The Pope in the Toon goal!

6 minutes later they hit the crossbar, but luckily it rebounded to safety, with Pope well beaten!

But it woz NUFC who took the lead at The Gallowgate End in the 12th minute, when Jacob Murphy chased a through baall doon the wing. Brightin's goalie Verbruggen raced oot of hiz box and collided with wor number 23, who fell to the groond!---Rather than stay doon to claim a free kick, he got to hiz feet and crossed from the byline to Wil Osula, who nodded home with their goalie 'nee where near'! (Just like Brightin's groond iz 'nee where near Brightin' (Hence wor name for them at the top of the page!) 1-0 to us!

This carmed wor norves a bit and within 12 minutes of the forst goal we were 2-0 up when a Bruno corner foond the heed of Dan Burn, who heeded the baall high into the net, with their goalie 'nee where' again! (sic!)

A massive scare came not lang after this az The Pope tried to clear a Murphy back pass, but hiz clearance rebounded off Hinshelwood and hit the near post!---Very luckily for The Pope it rebounded to safety! 

HT 2-0 to us!

In the 2nd period Brightin pressed the Gallowgate goal and after a couple of glarin misses they finally foond the net, when an unmarked Hinshelwood fired high into the goal on the hour mark, with The Pope well beaten! 

2-1 to us!

It woz 'pull your hair oot time' folks az Minteh somehow managed to 'sky' the baall, with the goal gapin', az strands of mee hair nearly came came oot at the roots!

Wissa woz then introduced and did a 'sky shot' az well, at the other end, when he somehow hit the baall high into the Leazes Gods az we graoned in dispair! Wor £55 million poond man still hazzint scored a home Premyaa Leegue goal aall season!

He had another chance just a few minutes later when he claimed the baall on the byline after a slip from a Brightin player--He woz clean through on goal but nearly baallzed it up again!---Luckily Harvey Barnes woz on hand to welly the baall into the goal, with 95 minutes on the clock, to seal the victory and prevent more potential 'hair loss'!

Just after the restart the ref blew for full time to loud cheerin from the majority of the crowd--but definatly not the 1,500 Brightin fans who had made the 350 mile jorney north!

Attendance: 52,099

News that 'The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham' had lost 3-0 at Brentfaad, meant that they can anly equal wor points total of 45, but have a goal difference of -19 to wor -2 and with just 3 games left, that seems an impossible task! We would have to lose wor last 3 games and they would have to win az well by huge scores!---It aint gannih happen!

To make safety definate, Villa play Sporz this afternooon and Sporz must win and then win their last 3 games to be able to beat wor points total!---Aall eyes on that game this evenin’!

Updated——⬇️’10:30pm bells 🔔’

Villa 1 Sporz 2

Disgracefully, Villa made 7 changes in the hope of overturning a 1-0 defeat at Forest last Thorzday in the Europa Leegue semi final 1st leg!   The 2nd leg of the tie iz this comin Thorzday and the changes were to protect star players, for this Thorzday!

The result plunges West Ham into the bottom 3!- So mathematically NUFC are still in the relegation mix!  

However! odds of aboot 5,000 to 1 make this scenario the most unlikely thing that could ever happen!

 

 

 

THE TOON V NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN (OR HOVE) *** PREMYAA LEEGUE!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔 Saturday 2nd May 2026

“NO! ITS NOT THE VIEW FROM THE TOP OF A SKYSCRAPER!••• ITS THE VIEW FROM LEVEL 7 IN THE MILBURN STAND!”

Havin lost wor previous 5 games, NUFC really MUST get sumik oot if the game v Brightin this afternooon!

We havvint beaten them for ages az we slide doon the table! (The last 6 times we have played them!)

The Toon are actually on the same number of points away from a European place and a relegation place with 42 points—8 points eethaa way!⬇️⬆️⁉️

Anthony Gordon iz back in the fray, while Joelinton retornz after hiz 2 game ban!

Fab Schar, Emil Krafth and Tino Livramento are still crocked!

The very fact that we are now lookin nervously ower wor shoulders at the last relegation place and not a place in Europe, iz something The Geordie Times never expected to see again, when the PIF took ower!— But here we are!

FINAL FOWER (4) FIXTURES FINALISED!

 Posted 1:17pm 🛎️ bells’ Thorzday 30th April 2026

“WOR FINAL HOME GAME KICK OFF TIME AGAINST THE JELLIED EELS MOB HAZ FINALLY BEEN ANNOONCED! COO! COO!”

The Geordie Times faithful carrier pigeon, known az Secret Pigeon, (above) flew to Geordie Times HQ to give us the ‘cast in stone’ dates for wor final 4 fixtures on the season, 2 days after they were annoonced! (This iz The Geordie Times— Wot the hell did yoo expect?🤔

It will bring the total number of competitive fixtures to an exhausting 58!

 Just 1 behind the most games played in wor Fairs Cup winnin season in 1968-1969

MAY

2nd Saturday. Home to Nee Where Near Brightin @ ‘3 🛎️s’. Nee telly!

10th Sunday. Away to The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham @ ‘2 🛎️s’. SKY telly

17th Sunday. Home to The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham @ ‘5:30 🛎️s’. SKY telly

24th Sunday. Away to The Cottage Pie-eyed Brigate of Fulhim @ ‘4 🛎️s’. 

Hopefully nee live telly, coz if we are we will be in danger of relegation! (Surely not?🥶)

MILLIONS OF REASONS TO BELEEEVE!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔 Wedinzday 29th April

The Geordie Times gans from strength to strength az we have past the half million pageviews for April aalready!

Last month it woz well ower 600,000 meanin that we have easily smashed the one million mark for the last 2 months!

We have applied to Google ad sense to put adverts on wor site, to try and claw back some of wor piggy bank money spent this season in away travel throughoot the UK and Europe! (We’ve been to every game!)

“OH NO!— MEE FUNDS ARE LOW!”

The trip to ‘CarrierBag’ (Qarabag) in Azerbaijan cost an unprezidented £1,500, (£1,100 for 4 flights ✈️ and 2 trains 🚂 alone!) which woz by far and away the most expensive European trip and longest distance that ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ have travelled! (6,000 miles roond trip via Edinburgh and Istanbul and Baku!) It woz aalso the longest distance any English club haz travelled for a European game!

Anyway! thanks for followin us and let’s hope NUFC can get some much needed points on Saturday v Brighton at SJP!

More to follow on that in the next couple of days!

Az per usual!  “Watch this space!”

THE ARSE 1. THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted from ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔 onwards, Sunday 26th April 2026

“AIR SHOTS AND ‘OWER THE BAR’ FROM 3 YARD OOT’ , AGONY!”🙈

A goal from a set piece corner woz the difference between the 2 sides at The Emirates Stadium yesterday evening!

Unfortunately for NUFC and the travellin 3,000 plus 3 fans, it wasn’t for ‘us’, az  The Arse ran oot 1-0 winners to reclaim top spot!

Played in brilliant sunshine, we went behind after 9 minutes, when a short corner woz fired into the centre and Eze made nee misstayk az he sent a rocket shot past The Pope in the Toon goal, to put the home side 1-0 up! (Arsenal’s 3rd short corner!)

We thought that this wouldnt be the anly goal, but a different NUFC to the previous 4 games (and defeats!) torned up this time!

The biggest and most obvious problem iz we didn’t have a proven goalscorer on the pitch, with Wissa on the subs bench once again!

Osula led the line and within one minute of the start he had an ‘air shot’ at the far end from the travelling Toon fans, when a connection would have put us 1-0 up!

That woz hiz one chance to make a name for himself, which he failed miserably to dee!

Yet again after this, we were frightened to have a shot on goal and passed the baall sideways and back, time and time again!

And then that short corner goal that undid us!

We more than matched The Arse in the first half, but of course its goals that count, not performances!

The 2nd period wazzint much better in terms of shots on goal!

In the 66th and 75th minutes respectively, both Wissa and Waltemade came on, to replace the ineffective Osula and the injured Bruno, who sadly limpted off aroond the pitch!

Not lang after Waltemade had come on, The Toon had a great chance to equalise when the giant Jawman sent a nice flick to Wissa, who woz just 3 yards from the goal line, but he somehow managed to kick the baall ower the bar, to the dispair of the visiting fans, behind that goal!🙈

Dan Burn had a great chance after this, but he heeded the baall straight at their keeper, instead of the back of the net and that just aboot summed it up! FT 1-0 to them!

Attendance: 60,204 (3,003 Toon fans)

Wor 5th loss in a row —and with Forest, (5-0 at the SOS), West Ham and Sporz winnin their games, the gap between us and 3rd bottom Sporz iz now doon to 8 points, with 4 games to gan!

The train yem woz a complete nightmare az well—more on that to follow later AND wor 2 boozer ‘mini’ pub crawl before and after the game!

‘MINI’ PUB CRAWL!—Just 2 this time az mentioned! ⬇️ A new one for this season and The Parcel Yard, where we have been tee previously this season!

Runnin total of different drinkin dens this season, now 161

We sat in the beer garden (just ower the railings in the photo) and az it neared kick off time, some young Toon fans walked past and started goading the Arsehole fans with chants of, “Second again!—Second again!” ( Man City had claimed top spot off them a few days beforehand)

One middle aged ‘Arsehole’ (well named) woz non plused and hoyed a bowl of chips at them ower the fence!— The chef of The Grafton (who iz the Geordie owner) hord aboot it, came oot and angrily confronted the Arsehole!—and told him to leave and barred him from the premises!

A chip 🍟 off the old block—-perhaps? (sic!)

We were booked on the 9:03pm bells 🔔 train 🚂 from King’s Cross to The Central (station in the Toon)

There woz total chaos coz of a broken doon train somewhere up the line! Some trains were cancelled, while wors woz still running—but very late!

We boarded it  at 9:30 bells 🔔 az hundreds of others rushed to board, az it woz the last train back and az theirs had been cancelled!

Total chaos ensued az the train soon filled up and people were standin in the corridors!

At 9:45 bells 🔔 an annoocement came ower the loudspeakers, telling passengers to stop smokin and vapin on the train!

Another annooncement said that there woz fightin in Coach A coz of the overcrowding! (People sitting in booked seats they hadn’t booked!) (We were in Coach M a lang way away!)

ANYWAY! We eventually left at 10:15 🔔 and finally arrived back on Tyneside at the ungodly hour of qwaataa to TWO 🔔 on Sunday mornin

80 minutes late! The lift a’d arranged at midneet 🔔 bells’ when the train woz due back woz missed, so aa had to get a taxi yem, arrivin at Geordie Times HQ at 2:05 🔔 bells’

Who would be a Toon fan!?😵‍💫

THE ARSE v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th April 2026

A GREAT ACTION PAINTING FROM AN ARSENAL V NUFC GAME PLAYED 100 YEARS AGO AT HIGHBURY IN OCTOBAA 1926 *** 

A 2-2 DRAW IN FRONT OF A 45,000 CROWD *** 

NUFC WON THE OLD 1st DIVISION FOR THE 4th TIME THAT SEASON!

(THE LAST TIME WE WON THE TOP FLIGHT TITLE!) 

NOTE THAT ARSENAL PLAYED IN AALL RED SHIRTS BACK THEN, WITHOOT THE WHITE SLEEVES OF THEIR CURRENT KIT!

We are off to the capital city yet again tomorrow, for wor game against 'The Arse' at 'The Em' in a '5:30 bells' kick off for live telly (Sky or pirate ☠️ stick!)

Nerves will definatly be janglin from the Arsenal players and fans, az their title hopes hang by a thread, after their defeat to Man City last Sunday—-and City’s 1-0 win at Bornlee on Wedinzday neet, saw them leapfrog The Arse to top spot, on goals scored! (The win aalso relegated Bornlee to the Championship)

According to AI, NUFC are mathimatically safe with 42 points, and says it will be just enough to escape the drop!---How the times have changed since last season!

Wor allocation of 3,003 tickets were sold ages ago —and az usual we will be in the orange area of the stadium map! The Geordie Times will be in block 23, row 23, indicated by the pin 📌 ⬇️

The Arseholes will odds on favourites to win and we would certainly settle for an unlikely draw, but wor fragile defence might not be able to hold oot!

Both Anthony Gordon and Tino Livramento are expected to be missin due to injury, while lang torn absentees Fab Schar and Emil Krafth arnt expected to return anytime soon!

Joelinton sorves hiz 2nd and last 2 games ban, for picking up too many yellow cards! 🟨

Like we say--- a defeat iz aalso on ‘the cards’, but you never know what will happen with NUFC!?

*After wor 2-1 defeat at SJP to Bournemoooth last Saturday, I owerheard 2 fans talkin on the way oot of the groond!

“I wish the season woz ower!”, one said to hiz mate!

It just aboot sums it up!

A Geordie Times match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

Let’s hope it’s not a horror story!👹 🙏🏻 

ARSENAL ARCHIVE MATCH REPORT FROM 1968

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 23rd April 2026 (St. George’s Day! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿)

We heed for London yet again on Saturday, for wor game at The Emirates Stadium against 'The Arse', some 58 years since The Geordie Times entourage forst visited their old groond at Highbury, less than half a mile from their new abode! (0-0)

It woz aalso wor forst ever visit to London aall those years ago!

A match report on the 1968 game iz reproduced below!

Ground number: 004 Highbury

Oh and it’s St. George’s Day!⬇️ 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 

004 highbury arsenal

(GROUND NUMBER 4)

Date of First Visit: 9th NOVEMBER 1968
ARSENAL STADIUM, HIGHBURY, LONDON

ARSENAL 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED 0

(OLD) DIVISION ONE
ATTENDANCE 34,168 (2,000 Toon fans)

"IS HAROLD IN?"


Mee 'debut' visit tih the 'smoke' tih see the Toon play Arsenal, torned oot tih be a real 'eye opener'. 

For 'innocent'? school kid's like meesel and mee mate 'Billy' the thing that fascinated us as we travelled on the supporters bus through the streets of London was just how big the bloody place was.

Mile after mile of endless streets an' buildings, and even at six in the mornin' it was quite busy.
(Wi'd left Tyneside at midnight, as yih did in those days)

As this was wor forst time doon London to watch The Toon, we were taken tih see 'the sights' like 'The Hooses of Parliament', 'The Tower of London', and 'Big Ben'.

Next to the Hooses of Parliament there was an aad gadgie sellin' poppies from a staall as it was rememberance Sunday the followin' day. Aa got mee eye on a huge poppy at the back the size of a futbaall rosette and insisted that that!was the one aa wanted!
Aa gave him a threpny bit and he reluctantly pinned it to the lapel on mee 'nanny goat' an' aa felt as pleased as punch with mee new 'fashion accessory' as aa sauntered off doon the road! (aa say 'reluctantly', as aa think he wanted more than threepence for it!) (one pence in todays money!)


Aalso on the tour was a visit tih Downing Street, where aa was hopin' tih meet Harold Wilson, the then Prime Minister, for a bit 'crack' aboot futbaall. (he supported Huddersfield Town)

In the 1960's, yih could actually waalk reet up tih the front door of 'Number 10' (unlike nuw, where there are huged spiked gates at the bottom of the street tih bar the way, because of the threat of terrorism) (how times change!) 'Officer Dibble' was guardin' the front entrance, and aa asked him if ah could knock on the door and speak tih the Prime Minister.

"Is Harold in?", aa said in an optimistic voice, "a'v got some important business tih discuss with him aboot futbaall!",
---but, aall ah got was one of those,
'YOU'D BETTER P**S OFF BONNY LAD, OR I'LL KICK YOU UP THE F***** ARSE', looks!

---Aa thought it best not tih ask him again, for the fear of bein' hoyed into 'The Tower of London', so wih left very disappointed, (not knowin' what 'Harold' thought of the Toon's chances that day!) and headed for Islington, 'Norf Landon'!.

We arrived at Highbury a while later, and (as luck would have it!) the team bus pulled up ootside the main entrance just as wih got there.
The directors, one wearin' a monocle! (a member of the 'McKeag Clan', ah think?) got off forst, and with their 'noses in the air', they completely ignored the loyal fans who'd travelled doon tih London.

The players in contrast, (a'm glad tih say!) acknowledged the waitin' supporters and signed a few autographs before gannin in.

The uniformed usher on the door looked very regal (as did the stadium!) and as wih entered the East Stand paddock the grandeur of Highbury was there for aall tih see.

The two double decker 'mirror image' stands, with whitewashed balcony waalls on either side of the pitch, looked very impressive, and it was certainly a million miles better than anything wih had at St. James' Park (which still had open terracin' on two sides of the pitch!) To wor right was The Northbank End where the Arsenal 'choir' congregated underneath the roofed terraces and to wor left was the open Clock End which (of course!) had a huge clock the size of 'Big Ben' at the rear of the terracin'

Aalthough the match ended nowts each, it was far from a borin' game, with the Toon by far the better team, and for every save that McFaul in the Newcastle goal had tih mek, his counterpart Bob Wilson in the Arsenal goal had tih mek two.

However, 'The Mags' were very lucky not tih give a penalty away when 'Pop' Robson punched an Arsenal shot ower the bar, which the ref. and linesman did'nt see (much tih the annoyance of 'The Gunners' forwards!) who had tih settle for a corner.

Later on, things evened themselves oot, when 'Pop' evaded several tackles, in a run from one end of the pitch tih the other.
His shot, which was gannin in, was deflected tih Jackie Sinclair who fired a powerful drive into the net!---anly for the ref. tih disallow it for offside!. (looked o.k. tih me, like?)

This was an excellent performance from the 'Black 'n' Whites' in a game wih should iv won easily.
On the final whistle wih headed for the 'bright lights' of the 'West End' with wor 'guides', and in particular, we made for the seedy 'red light strip joints' of 'Soho' for some more 'sight seein'! ('Fenwick's window' in Northumberland Street was neva like this!)


(For 'innocent' 14 year old's like me and Billy, this was the REAL 'EYE OPENER'!)




©Fink ™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)

 

“WIN OR LOSE! *** WE’RE ON THE BOOZE!”

 Posted ‘high 🕛 noon bells’ 🔔 Tuezday 21st April 2026

Whey, it’s certainly been a topsy turvy season, which looks like endin az a damp squid!🦑 with more losses than wins! and the most expensive season ever for ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!

Champions Leegue futbaall and plenty of games and boozers to gan tee aall ower Europe, have been the order of the day!

Aaltogether, so far, we have visited 160 different drinkin dens in away games in England, Scotland, Belgium, Jawmany, southern France, northern France, Turkey (airport), Azerbaijan (in the back of beyond!) and Espanyaa!

And there are still 3 away games to gan, to boost that total even more!

Of course the futbaall takes priority ower the drinkin dens— and it’s just unfortunate that the season will end with nee European futbaall in 2026-2027, az NUFC languish in 14th place in the Premyaa Leegue table!

The Arse are next up on Saturday in north London —and before the game we will heed for ‘The Grafton Arms’ (run by a Geordie!), aboot half a mile from The Emirates Stadium!⬇️

But then, just az we are enjoyin’ worselz, it’s soon time to ‘drink up’ and gan to the match —-and mee favorite sayin just before we leave the bar and heed for the tornstiles, IZ! ⬇️

 “Wipe that fcukin’ smile off your face!—-it’s time for your PUNISHMENT!”😱

THE TOON 1 THE CHERRY PICKERS OF BOURNEMOOOTH 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 🔔 bells’ Sunday 19th April 2026

“THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL CONTINUES UNABATED!”

Just when you 'Fink' it cannot get any worse, then it does!

Another shocking defeat add to the ‘collection’ and wor 5th home defeat in wor last 6 games!

The mood woz flat at the start of the game, and so it proved, with misplaced passes and lost possession the order of the day!

Wor players didn’t look ‘up for it’ and there woz anly one outcome in the end!---Another late goal against---and another defeat!

The 'highlight'? of the forst half for us woz a shot from Harvey Barnes at The Leazes End, which narrowly missed the post, which livened the crowd up a bit!

But that woz it in the forst period, with Bournemoooth just az bad!

However!--In their forst meeningful attack in the 30th minute, an inocuous cross from Rayan woz completly missed by wor defence and an unmarked Marcus Tavinier had the simple task of toe pokin' the baall ower the line to give 'The Cherry Pickers' the lead! (They are nicknamed 'The Cherries'!)

Another similar chance fell to them a few minutes later, but Evilinson somehow missed the baall unmarked, which should have put them 2 up!--This brought a toxic reaction from some of the crowd, who were thouroghly frustrated by wor performance! 

Withoot both goalies havin one shot to save between them, in the forst half, we went in 1-0 doon, with some boooin from the crowd! (A regular habit in the last 4 home games!)

The 2nd period saw us liven up a bit and a loud cheer when Bruno woz introduced in the 62nd minute!---We eventually we got an equaliser in the 68th minute when William Osula fired home from close in!-- A very lenghty 5 minutes VAR check for offside woz taken, with the goal eventually given! 1-1

This really livened the crowd up a bit, but we were soon brought back doon to Earth late on, when Truffert fired in from close range unmarked of course!---This happened in the 85th minute and yet again we conceded late on--for the FIFTH time in the last 6 home games!

This promted many to heed for the exits az the 1,700 away fans, high up in The Leazes 'Gods' celebrated!----The sour point woz that the Bournemoooth players kept wastin time and faynin injury, after their goal, to the annoyance of the Toon fans who stayed til the bitter end!---9 minutes stoppage time woz added, but even if it had been 9 hours, we still would'nt have foond another equaliser!

There woz more boooin az the final whistle sounded, from some of those who had suffered til the very end! (NOT from us by the way!---we have never bood the team, even in the dark days of 2nd tier futbaall!) 

Az far az ah can remember, their goalie Pertovic, didnt have one shot to save in the entire match!----And come to 'Fink' of it, neethaa did Aaron Ramsdale in The Toon goal! (Pleeeze correct me, if I'm wrang!?)

We stay in 14th place in the table. with any hope of European futbaal now gone!----

This woz Eddie Howe’s 8th attempt to beat hiz former club in the Premyaa Leegue—and 8th failure to beat them!

Another one to forget and another one where Match of the Day will be deleted withoot even watchin it!

Attendance: 52,109 (1,726 'Cherry Pickers')

WOR FLAGS 'SHOW RACISM THE RED CARD' DISPLAY, WITH BANNERS FEATURIN' THE FORST 11 BLACK PLAYERS TO PLAY FOR NUFC!