THE TOON 1 THE JELLIED EELS MOB OF WEST 'AM 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 5th February 2023

"AFTER THE LORD MAYORS SHOW!"

NUFC started off brightly az we attacked The Gallowgate goal and within a minute we were one-nil up after Miggy Almiron crossed a baall for Joe Willock to fire home!---But wait a minute!----The goal went to VAR az Miggy's cross woz possibly oot of play!

After a short spell it woz conformed that the baall WOZ ower the byline and the goal woz ruled oot!

Then!---Just seconds later!----A through baall from Sean Langstaff foond Callum Wilson and he raced towards the goal before hittin a great shot past Fabianski in *'The Jellied Eels Mobs' goal to FINALLY put us one-nil up!----Nee VAR needed this time!

Just when we thought that this might torn into a cricket score we eased off and lets wor visitors off the hook az they pressed for an equaliser!

West 'am arnt a bad side and their leegue position near the relegation zone will surely get better!----They attacked the Leazes goal and a corner kick from Rice in the 32nd minute eventually foond Paqueta a few inches oot and aa knew he couldnt possibly miss from that distance az he tapped the baall into the net! ONE-ONE!

The 2nd half woz littered by wayward passes from us and when new boy Anthony Gordon came on at the mid point of the half to rapturous applause from the home faithful he made a great through pass to Wilson, but he woz too slow az he lined up hiz shot and a West 'am defender kicked the baall away just az he woz aboot to score wor 2nd goal!

Wilson had another chance late on when he had a weak heeder easily saved by their goalie and the chance woz gone!

We just couldnt get that winnin goal and had to settle for a point instead!----We slipped to 4th in the table az Moan U had won orlier on, but on the bright side we are the ANLY team oot of the 92 Premyaa Leegue and Futbaall Leegue sides to have lost anly ONE game this season, az The Arse lost at Evaatin to increase their losses to 2 games!

Aalso we are unbeaten in 16 succesive Leegue games to extend wor club record!

A bit disappointin' after 'The Lord Mayor's Show' on Tuezday, but yoo carnt win them aall!  

Attendance: 52,256 (3,200 Jellied Eels!)

*The Jellied Eels Mob---an explanation: Jellied Eels are a delicacy in the east end of London where West 'am come from! 

THE TOON v THE JELLIED EELS MOB OF WEST 'AM *** TEATIME TODAY! ("TELL MEE MAA, MEE MAA, AA WON'T BE HOME FOR TEA!")

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 4th February 2023

FROM TUEZDAY NEET!

At '5:30 bells' we take on West 'am at SJP in a Premyaa Leegue fixture!  Debuts are expected for Anthony 'Flash' Gordon and Harrison Ashby and there iz sure to be a fab atmosphere inside the stadium after wor Leegue Cup semi win ower Sooothampton on Tuesday neet to set up at Wembley final against Moan U!

On the minus side, Bruno iz banned for 3 games coz of hiz sendin' off v Sooothampton and we are hearin reports that Gordon iz facin JAIL coz he drove when he woz banned from drivin'!----Thats in The Sun so dont beleeeve anything yoo read in that paper!

Chelsea and Fulim drew last neet which meeenz that both drop 2 points in the race for the Champions Leegue places---which iz good news for us, shud we win today?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here az per usual sometime tomorrow!  SO "Watch this space intentleeee!"

CUP FINAL TICKETS ON SALE FROM MUNDAY!

 Posted '11:35am 🔔 bells Friday 3rd February 2023

"WEST END IZ THE BEST END!"

Leegue Cup final tickets gan on sale to the loyalist Toon supporters on Munday in Period 1, then 2,3,4,5 on the following days!

There iz sure to be a mad scramble online on the club's website next week for the allocated 32,757 Wembley tickets!----NUFC have been allocated the 'West End' of the stadium!

THE TOON 2 THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON 1 *** LEEGUE CUP SEMI FINAL 2nd LEG (AGGREGATE 3-1)

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 1st February 2023

TOON PLAYERS ON A LAP OF HONOUR AT THE END OF THE GAME!

"LOCAL HERO!"

We went into this game needin anly a draw to progress to the final after the 1-0 win in Sooothampton the week before, but from the 'off' NUFC were on the 'front foot' az attacked The Gallowgate goal!

5minutes of pressure paid off when Sean Longstaff hit a sweet shot into the net from a Kieran Trippier pass to send most of the near 52,000 crowd wild with delight!  Aggregate score 2-0 to 'us'

Wor lead woz doubled in the 21st minute when again it woz local lad Longstaff who got hiz 2nd goal from a Miggy Almiron pass to fire home!-----Again the crowd went wild with repeated renditions of the "Tell me ma!" song! An aggregate of 3-0----surely we were home and dry!

Of couse thiz iz The Toon and a misstayk at the back let in Adams who hit a rocket shot past Nick Pope to reduce the errors to 3-1 on the half hour mark!

A norvous 2nd half followed az wor visitors had nee choice but to attack and nearly reduced the 3-1 margin on a few occasions az norves crept into wor side, with wayward passes!

Bruno woz sent off in the 81st minute after a VAR check by the ref for a foul on Edozie's ankle and we played oot the remainin' minutes with just 10 men!-----ELEVEN minutes of stoppage time woz added coz of injuries etc,  az the crowd whistled for the final whistle---and when it eventually came it brought a huge cheer of relief from aall 4 stands!

Wor forst Wembley final this century against most probably Moan U, who hold a 3-0 advantage ower The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham from their forst leg! (That game iz played toooneet)

Now for the mad ticket scramble that will ensue ower the next couple of weeks!----The final at Wembley iz in 25 days time! 

"HOWAY THE LADS!"

Attendance: 51,975 (just 2,500 Saints)

*

VERY HAPPY FANS LEAVIN' THE GROOND AFTER THE MATCH!

*For an explanation of wor nickname for Sooothampton see 'A to Z of club nicknames in heeder bar

THE TOON V SOOOTHAMPTON *** LEEGUE CUP SEMI FINAL 2nd LEG *** TOOONEEET!

 Posted 'high noon🔔 bells' Tuezday 31st January 2023

Tooneet at SJP we play wor biggest game for 23 years in wor quest to get to Wembley in The Leegue Cup final! ('8:00 bells' kick off----live on SKY)

NUFC have a 1-0 advantage from the forst leg last Tuezday and we can anly hope that we dont baalls it up!

We are odds on to reach the final, az are Moan U who play Forest tomorrow with a 3 goals advantage in their semi!

It will be a norvy 90 minutes (or 120 if extra time iz needed!---plus pens!)

This iz where we want to be----challengin' for trophies once again!

Lets aall cheer 'The Toon' on to victory and dream of Wembley on February 26th!

"HOWAY THE LADS!"

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here sometime tomorrow----lets hope (and pray!) that its a great report!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

HE'S AZ QUICK AZ A FLASH!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 30th January 2023

Updated Tuezday '11:45am bells'

It's now official!  Az soon az yoo see a player in front of The East Stand sign in a Toon top, twirlin' a black n white scarf above hiz heed, yoo know its a 'done deal'!

In this case a £45 million 'done deal' makin wor new 21 year old winger Anthony 'Flash' Gordon the 2nd highest transfer fee in wor history! (Isak iz the most ever at £60 million quid!)

"WELCOME TO TYNESIDE ANTHONY!"

Updated Tuezday '11:45am bells'

Right back Harrison Ashby haz aalso signed from West 'am for a reported £3 million quid!

"Welcome to Tyneside Harrison!"

EVAATONIANS HAVE ANLY GOT THEMSELVES TO BLAME!

 Posted '2:19pm🔔 bells' Saturday 28th January 2023

Updated Sunday '11:42am bells'

GRAINY PIC OF ANTHONY GORDON AT THE NUFC TRAINNIN' GROOND THIS MORNIN'!

"GET OUT OF OUR CLUB!"----"HE HAZ--HE HAZ!!!"

News that 21 year old winger Anthony Gordon iz on Tyneside az we speak to sign for us iz deein the rounds!--A fee of aroond aboot £40 million with £5 million add ons haz been mentioned!

The Evaatin boyhood fan haz been hounded out of hiz club by toxic fans seen chasin hiz car doon one of the narrow streets that surroond Goodison Park, with fans blockin' hiz and othaa players exit after their loss to Sooothampton last week with traffic bollards! (In Livaapoool's colours az well!)

The video which iz deein the rounds on twitter etc shows fans shoutin "Get out of our club!" and singin the "Your not fit to wear the shirt!" song!

Gordon hazzint been playin well lately and who can blame him, when at the back of hiz mind he knows that it will be toxic after a game, shud Evaatin lose!---It certainly doesn't help!---does it?

Directors have been attacked with one woman director bein put in a heedlock by a 'fan'?---and told to stay away--or else face the consequences! (They DID stay away!) 

Divvint get me wrang, but we naa a few Evaatin fans who we meet in 'The Barlow Arms' near the groond, before and after games doon there--and they are canny people, who wouldn't dream of deein such things!

They are NOT aall toxic by any meeenz!

Other news that Kieran Trippier haz signed an extention to hiz contract til 2025 iz more good news aheed of wor biggest game for 23 years (The last time we were in a domestic cup semi final) on Tuesday against Sooothampton, for a place at the new Wembley in The Leegue Cup final on February 26th!

Aall we can say iz:---"Welcome to Tyneside Anthony!"---And we promise that we won't put any road block barricades up on Barrack Road (The main road ootside SJP) to stop yoo from leavin' after a game---win, draw or lose! 

MORE SIGHTINGS OF 'FLASH ⚡ GORDON'!

METRO CENTRE, GATESHEEED

THE SKY'S THE LIMIT!-----NEXT EIGHT GAMES LIVE ON THE TELLY!

 Posted '1:30p bells' Thorzday 26th January 2023

NUFC's popularity iz good news for armchair 'can' fans and pub plonnkies, az wor next 8 (EIGHT!) games are live on eethaa SKY or BT!---But not such good news for The Toon Travellers who actually gan to the games!

6 (SIX!) on SKY and 2 on BT!----The dates and times are!---

JANUARY

Tue 31st  The Simon Templar Mob of Sooothampton Home (LC) '8:00 bells' SKY

FEBRUARY

Sat 4th  The Jellied Eels Mob of West 'am Home '5:30 bells' SKY

Sat 11th Bournemoooth Away '5:30 bells' SKY

Sat 18th The Liverbirds Home '5:30 bells' SKY

Sat 25th Nee Where Near Brightin Home '12:30 bells' BT (Will be caalled off if we reach the Leegue Cup final at Wembley on Sun 26th Feb)

MARCH

Sat 4th The Blue Moonies of Man Siteee Away '12:30 bells' BT

Sun 12th Wolverhampton Wanabeez Home '4:30 bells' SKY

Fri 17th The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham Away 8:00 bells SKY

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB OF SOOOTHAMPTON 0 THE TOON 1 *** LEEGUE CUP SEMI-FINAL 1st LEG

 Posted 'on the trains back yem from '9:44am bells onwards, Wedinzday 25th January 2023

TOON FANS AND PLAYERS CELEBRATE WOR VICTORY!

"WEMBLEY ON THE HORIZON!"

*A great day for aall NUFC fans at St. Mary's and anothaa record broken az this woz the forst time we have won an away semi final leg of any competition!  (Wor 2 previous semi final away legs ended in a 1-0 defeat to Sporz in the 1976 Leegue Cup semi final and a 0-0 draw v Rangers in the Fairs Cup in 1969--both games attended by little old me!)

TOON IN DARK BLUE AND YELLOW   VIEW FROM ROW 'L'

It wasnt a good game by any meeenz, with wayward off target shots by Willock, Longstaff and Joelinton in particular!

Joelinton made up for hiz errors when super sub Isak ran doon the wing and crossed the baall for Joe to fire into the net from close range in the 73rd minute to send the 3,200 Toon fans behind that goal into celebratory mode! 

VIEW OF BLONDIE'S HEED FROM ROW 'L'!

2 disallowed goals for both sides for hand baalls and a Sooothampton dismissal late on meant that we played oot the last few minutes against 10 men!

The result meeenz that Sooothampton must win at SJP next Tuesday to progress to the final!

It's aall in wor hands now for a trip to Wembley late next month!  

Attendance: 30,090 (3,200 very happy Toon fans!)

2,000 below capacity!

Anothaa 'celebration' had happened  before the game when we visited wor 100th different boozer this season for away trips! And to dee it before the end of January az well!   But just how many can we dee with the season just beyond the halfway point?🤔

Plus boozers we had previously been tee when we played Sooothampton in the Premyaa Leegue last November! 

                      ⬇️

THE (BREW)HOUSE OF HORRORS!🥶

SOOOTHAMPTON v THE TOON **** LEEGUE CUP SEMI-FINAL 1st LEG

 Posted '9:20am bells' Tuezday 24th January 2023

Havin' just got back from wor game at Cristill Palliss on Sunday afternooon, we are off on wor travels once again to Sooothampton via King's Cross for wor Leegue Cup semi final tie 1st leg!

In between that aa did mee normal truck run from the Team Valley in Gatesheed to Redditch in deepest Worcestershire---a roond trip of 444miles, finishin' at 4:00am bells this mornin---catchin 2 hours sleep "ZZZzzzz!" and then draggin mee lifeless body oot of mee pit at '7:00bells to catch the 8:58 bells' train back to London!  

Match and booze report will be posted on train on the way back on Wedinzday!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"