Friday, 23 August 2019

SPORZ v THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '2:06pm bells' Friday 23rd August 2019
SPORZ'Z NEW STADIUM----BUT IZ IT THE BEST IN THE WORLD?

NUFC pay wor forst ever visit to The Tottenham Hotspur Stadium on Sunday and the train companies have done 'their level best' and 'aall they can' to put us off gannin, by shuttin' King's Cross in London this bank holiday weekend and putting on replacement busses instead between Peterboro and London.
If we had decided to gan via Wakefield instead, we foond that the line iz shut somewhere on that line az well!---it's a no brainer!

Wor 'new plan'? iz!---to drive to Stockport near Manchester (Yes!--STOCKPORT!) and catch a train to Euston station which iz alang the road from King's Cross!---and dee the same on the way back!
There's NEE WAY that they will stop 'us' or the 3,000 othaa Toon fans, who are gannin by othaa various and complicated routes to "norf Landan!"

This will be the 59th Premyaa Leegue groond that we have played on (includin' Sporz at Wembley) and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have (or course!) been to the previous 58 az well!
It haz been said that this is probably the best club stadium in the whole univorse---and az 'yours truely' haz been to well ower 300 groonds to watch 'the black 'n' whites', I will give yoo mee unequivocal <(we naa aall the big words!) verdict, in the match report on bank holiday Munday!

What will be the outcome come '6:30pm bells' on Sunday (when the match iz finished)? we just don't know, but many Toon fans (including 'us') fear a drubbin' by this Sporz team, who are ootside favourites to challenge 'The Blue Moonies' and 'The Liverbirds' for the Leegue title!
Az we divvint play til Sunday, we could well be rock bottom of the Premyaa Leegue before a goal iz kicked if Wotfaad and Sooothampton pick up even a solitary point! (Villa, who are just above us play Evaatin tooneet and if Evaatin win then Villa will gan below us on goal difference!)

Saint-Maximin and £40 million poond man Joelinton, are said to be fit now, so lets see how they fare in Sporz new 62,000 capacity stadium!?
MATCH ODDS: Sporz 1/5 to win***NUFC 11/1 to win

Footnote: 'Broken Nose Bruce' iz now favourite to be the forst Premyaa Leegue manager/heed coach to be sacked!
He haz overtaken Palliss manager Roy Hodgson and hiz odds have been slashed from 8/1 to 4/1, with Hodgson's odds now 9/2
'THE SACK RACE':
Bruce 4/1 (NUFC)
Hodgson 9/2 (Palliss)
Gracia 13/2 (Wotfaad)
Lampard 13/2 (Chelski)


PS: Wor U23s take on Moan U U23s at SJP tooneet at '7:00 bells'
Admission iz via The East Stand and iz free to season ticket holders and members.
We will publish the result az soon az we find oot!

Updated ?

Final score---NUFC U23s ? v Moan U U23s ?

Thursday, 22 August 2019

SOME JOYOUS NEWS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '3:59am bells' Thorsday 22nd August 2019
NEW MEADOW, SHREWSBURY

We have hord 'through the grapevine' that wor U21s EFL Trophy game away to Shrewsbury haz been moved to Tuesday 8th October with a '7:30 bells' kick off time.
Originally it woz due to be played in the same week az the 3th roond of The Leegue Cup, which meant it could 'clash' with a forst team game IF we get through against Lestaa in the 2nd roond!

The October slot haz NE forst team games that week and so it iz 100% certain that we will be able to gan and 'tick off' anothaa new leegue ground to add to wor forst ever visit to *Sporz new stadium next Sunday for a Premyaa Leegue game (KO 4:30 bells)---and to Macclesfeeeld's Moss Rose groond on Tuesday 3rd September for anothaa U21s game in the EFL Cup! (KO '7:45 bells')

*'The 92 Club' conform that The Tottenham Hotspur Stadium IZ a new Futbaall Leegue groond and NOT a 'rebuild' of White Hart Lane next door!

FROM 'THE 92 CLUB' WEBSITE

That's THREE new Leegue groonds in a TWO month period for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers'!
"YAAH-HOOO!"

Wednesday, 21 August 2019

THE BLAME GAME---NOW ITS AALL WOR FAULT!

Posted '1:17pm bells' Wedinzday 21st August 2019
TO THE START OF THIS SEASON

'Fat Sam the Ugly Man', Chris Sutton, Tony Cascarino (and many othaas) have been putting 'the knife in' to Toon fans for wor lack of support for wor new general dogsbody,'yes man'---sorry!-- heed coach!

'Fat Sam' said on Talksport that with just 2 games 'in', Bruce iz gettin' as much stick as wor owner!
This is complete tosh!

I never hord one chant against Bruce in wor home game v The Arse or wor away game v Nohrich!

There WERE chants against 'The Fat Controller', (who wasn't there of course!) but not Bruce!

Let's get this straight!
Bruce woz 7th or 8th choice (or 13th in some papers!) and nee Toon fans wanted him!
Yet we are supposed to chant hiz name and say that 'he's one of our own! (The same 'Bruce' who celebrated wildly with the sund'lind fans when they scored a late equaliser in the Tyne/wear derby when he woz their manager!)

Hiz Premyaa  Leegue record iz the 2nd worst for any manager with 250 top flight games under their belt (Anly Bryan Robson haz a worse record!) and he haz been relegated 3 times with Bormingham, Hull and the SMBs (sacked before they were relegated) and been sacked 5 times and resigned 5 times from hiz 10 former clubs!
(Even 'The Tramp in a Tracksuit' Tony Pulis's win rate iz better than hiz!)

Yet we are told 'to give him a chance' and that hiz record 'stands up'???  Indeed it does in THE CHAMPIONSHIP! where he haz won promotion 4 times!----That I'm afraid iz 'hiz level'

AALL NUFC fans honestly want him to do well,  we reeely do, but if last Saturday's debacle against relegation favourites Nohrich iz anything to gan by, then we fear the worst (And so does hiz mate, Alan Shearer!)

So don't blame us---its not WOR fault IZ IT!? that we have an absent owner who haz got us relegated twice since he took the reigns! (up til now!) and appoints 'yes men' who will do az they are told! (Rafa and Keegan apart!)

PS: With 2 defeats aalready for NUFC, 'Broken Nose Bruce's win percentage rate haz now dropped to 27.92 and he iz closin' in fast on Bryan Robon's record of 26.8 percent!

Tuesday, 20 August 2019

NEW SWIMMING POOL FOR NUFC TRAININ' GROOND ANNOONCED!

Posted '2:10pm bells' Tuesday 20th August 2019

Followin' Rafa Benitez'z condemnation of NUFC's trainin' groond facilities, wor beloved MD known az 'Penfold' to Toon fans, coz he looks like the cartoon character off 'DANGER MOUSE', haz responded to the criticism!
He recently said: "Do we have a swimming pool or water facilities? NO!"---"Would we like to have it at some stage?"---"Absolutely!" 

However, since then, and to offset the criticism,  the club have invested heavily in a brand new swimming pool for the players to relax in---'Penfold' said: "We have went to great expense to provide a 'top of the range' £9.99 swimming pool from the Argos catalogue!" (pictured below)

"I am sure the fans will agree that we are at last movin' forward to compete with the Man City's, Liverpool's and Tottenham's of this world, with this 'world class facility' for the players and coaching staff , to show that we are all 'swimming' in the same direction!"

Monday, 19 August 2019

"BROKEN NOSE BRUCE---AND HIZ LATEST EXCUSE!"

Posted '4:24pm bells' Munday 19th August 2019

"ER!--GAN TO CONFUSED.COM!"???


Excuse number 1: NUFC 0 v THE ARSE 1
Bruce explains "Lack of communication!" which led to Jetro Williems, "Not knowing just where he waz playing!", when coming on as substitute just before Arsenal's goal, which won the game for the Londoners! (How did he not know where he was playin'???) 
NUFC are in 15th place after the weekends othaa results

Excuse number 2: NOHRICH 3 v NUFC 1
"Maybe we got caught up in Norwich's first home game!" 
Bruce's verdict after this horror show against one of the favourites to be relegated back to The Championship!
NUFC are in 18th place in the relegation zone after the weekends othaa results with just 2 games played!

Sunday, 18 August 2019

DELIA'Z CANARY CREAMS 3 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '10:41 am bells' Sunday 18th August 2019

 View from the away end

"A DISASTER WAITIN' TO HAPPEN!" (Yet again!)

After gettin up at the ungodly hour of '4:30am bells' and spendin 5 hours on 3 different trains, we arrived in Nohrich at '11:30 bells' and headed straight for The Murderers Arms in a taxi from the station!
The Murderers Arms aka The Gardeners Arms

This is a real ale bar aboot a mile from the station and iz wor favourite haunt aroond these parts!

After several liquid lubrication and a 'nose bag' (sommik to eat!) it woz time to heed for Carrow Road where wor fate wud be decided one way or the other!  (A 3-0 wins or defeat woz my prediction!)

It woz the latter I'm afraid as we put in a horror show of a performance! (3-1 actually, after Jonjo Shelvey scored one for us 'at the death!)

We had chances to take the lead when £40 million signin Joelinton missed a glorious chance with wot seemed like an eazy heeded goal and othaa chances went 'a beggin' az well!
And we paid the ultimate price for those misses az the home side took the lead with a fierce volloy from Pukki on the half hour mark and we went in 1-0 behind at the break!

The 2nd half woz even worse az Pukki seemed to waak through wor defence at will and scored 2 more goals az a result, to send the Canary fans into ecstasy and the Toon fans into despair!  

One solitary  Toon fan near me then started singin', "Steve Bruce's black 'n' white army!"
"And which lunatic asylum have YOO escaped from?"
I asked him!?

At the final whistle 'Broken Nose Bruce' woz 'a broken man' alang with the 2,000 travelling fans!

Az we left the groond there woz a huge cheer from the Nohrich fans!

"They are 'chairing' Bruce aroond the pitch!" mee mate "Big Al' sarcastically said!
"Hope it's an ELECTRIC chair he's in!" , I replied!!!!

We sit near the foot of the table az we speak and cud well be in the bottom 3 if Chelski get even a draw today at home to Lestaa!
Sporz and The Liverbirds are wor next 2 away games!
God help us!

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth, Schar, Lascelles, Dummett, Ritchie, Hayden, Shelvey, Ki (Saun Longstaff 74), Almiron, Joelinton (Muto 77)

Attendance: 27,059 (2,000 unhappy Toon fans!)

After a quick 'drowning of the sorrows' pint in a bar next to the train station (which cost £5.80!), we were off on the 3 train retorn journey, which torned into a disaster in itself!
Only drink here if yoo are very rich!

We had to get a train to Ely and anothaa from there to Peterboro and anothaa from there to The Toon.
We got to a place called Brandon where the train stopped az 2 lads got off with wot looked like cuts to their faces!
They torned oot to be Nohrich fans who had an argument with Toon fans in the next carriage and they came off the worse for wear!

The local 'Dibble' were caalled oot and we were stuck there for an hour az the train driver refused to carry on!

After wot seemed like an age we eventually left and just made wor connection at Ely to Peterboro!
At Peterboro, Toon fans started fightin' with the Dibble on the platform!
Sanctuary in Peterboro! 

An hours drinkin' time had been lost and so we left them to fight and dashed from Peterboro station to the nearest boozer and downed several 'gargels' before heedin back to the station to catch the '9 bells' train back yem!

Six hours after leavin' Nohrich and we were finally back on Tyneside to contemplate wor visit to Sporz new abode next Sunday!--via STOCKPORT!---but that's anothaa disaster story waitin to be told next weekend! (King's Cross iz closed next weekend ,so we've got to get to norf London via Stockport near Manchester!) 

Footnote: We say 'Delia'z Canary Creams' az celebratory chef and cake maker Delia Smith iz co owner of Nohrich City! (The Canaries)
Delia'z delicacy! 

Friday, 16 August 2019

DELIA'Z CANARY CREAMS v THE TOON **** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:50pm bells' Friday 16th August 2019
DELIA'Z DELICACY! 

Wor forst away game of the season iz aalso one of wor langest az we heed to East Anglia for a game against newly promoted Nohrich City orly tomorrow mornin'.

Due to a train strike between Peterborough and Nohrich we are 'fink'in of stoppin' on the train to King's Cross (London) and then catchin' anothaa train direct to wor destination via Liverpoool Street station!

We are considerin' dee'in the same on the way back, which will make the roond trip a total of 750 miles if we dee it that way!

Aalready, its a game we simply 'must NOT lose' against one of the joint favourites for relegation, alang with Sheff Utd.

We reeely divvint naa just wot to expect, but with wor new expensive signins, we are hopeful of a positive result at Carrow Road against 'Delia'z boys' (Celebratory chef and cake maker Delia Smith iz co owner of The Canaries) (Hence 'The Canary Creams'!)

NUFC have sold oot wor 2,000 tickets for the away end, but unforgivingly, refused an extra allocation of 700 tickets which were offered to us! (same old! same old!) (ie: NUFC make nee money oot of away ticket sales, so they cannit be bothered with the hassle of sellin them!---disgrace!)

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo a match report and pix sometime on Sunday 

Thursday, 15 August 2019

IT'S THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE!

Posted '1:45pm bells' Wedinzday 14th August 2019
Updated '4:45pm bells' Thorsday
The Foxes are comin' to Toon!

Wor dream of an away tie in The Leegue Cup against a team who's groond we haven't be tee, woz shattered last neet, when possible trips to Fleetwood and Salford were scuppered az both teams exited the competition at the forst hurdle.
The anly othaa team left who won were Rochdale, who came first oot of the hat forst and drew Carlisle at home. (We have aalso never been to Macclesfeeeld---but we are due to gan there in 'The EFL (Leasing.com) Trophy' on Tuesday 3rd September) (Formely The Checkatrade Trophy)

NUFC were instead given a home tie against 'The Basil Brush Brigade' of Lestaa!---The anly aall Premyaa Leegue tie!

The tie will be played in the week commencin' 26th August, but az we play Sporz away on Sunday 25th August (anothaa new groond!)and then Wotfaad at SJP the followin' Saturday, Wedinzday 28th August looks to be the anly date it could be played on!

When we find oot for certain yoo can bet your bottom dollar that 'The Geordie Times' will be last with the news!
Az per usual---"Watch this space!---eventually!"

Updated Thorsday

We were reet!   The Lestaa Leegue Cup game WILL take place on Wedinzday 28th August with a '7:45 bells' kick off 
Ticket prices are £10 for big kids and a fiver for sprogs and zimmerframeites (like me, now!)

PS: The game ISN'T on the telly, despite bein' the anly aall Premyaa Leegue tie!

Tuesday, 13 August 2019

POSSIBLE NEW GROUNDS FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '5:00pm bells' Tuesday 13th August 2019
WE'VE BEEN TO HIGHBURY BEFORE (ARSENAL'S OLD GROOND)
---BUT NOT THIS ONE! (FLEETWOOD'S 'HIGHBURY')


"COME IN NUMBER 5!"

The Leegue Cup (Carabao Cup) forst roond ties take place tooneet and there are several possibilities of new groonds to visit az NUFC enter at the second roond stage and are baall number 5 in the draw.
The draw iz split into north and south regions and we could meet the followin' clubs on groonds where we have never been tee before!
Fleetwood Toon, Rochdale, Salford City, Shrewsbury Toon and Macclesfeeeld!
NUFC U21s are playin at both Shrewsbury and Macclesfeeeld in the next couple of months in The Checkatrade Trophy, so we would like to avoid away games against them!

That leaves 3 teams where we would love to gan tee, IF they can get through!
Joey Barton's Fleetwood face a tough away game against 'The Friar Tuck Mob' (Nottm Forest!), while Rochdale face Bolton Wanabeez at their Spotland home---And finally, leegue 'new boys' Salford City, play the biggest game in their history when they face Leeedz at The Peninsula Stadium in Salford!

Coincidently, 'yours truely' will be 3 miles away from Salford in Eccles tooneet, in mee nightly truck run from the Team Valley in Gatesheed and will be 'glued' to the truck radio in anticipation!

The draw takes place straight after the Salford v Leeedz game, which iz live on the telly (and radio of course!)

'The Geordie Times' will of course, bring yoo, wor loyal subjects, the team we will face, just after the draw iz made in Salford! 

Updated 10:15pm bells





And it's the Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa at SJP in the last week of August!
(Exact date to be confirmed!)

THE SLAGGIN' MATCH CONTINUES AZ THE LIFE AND SOUL IZ SUCKED OOT OF THE FANS!

Posted '2:08pm bells' Tuesday 13th August 2019
DO YOO BELEEEVE HIM?

Rafa haz responded to the Arsenal programme notes, where wor MD, known to Toon fans az 'Penfold' off the Danger Mouse cartoon, claimed that Rafa woz leavin' anyway and that there woz nothin' they could do to stop him gannin to Chinaa!
OR!---DO YOO BELEEEVE HIM?

To cut a lang story short, Rafa haz said that this iz blatantly untrue and that he woz willin' and wanted to stay, but the club's unwillingless to gan for hiz project of a club that could actually win somethin' 'fell on very deaf ears' from wor hierarchy!

Who do YOO beleeeve???

The truth iz that the life and soul haz been sucked oot of NUFC fans and Sunday's game proved it!
It woz so quiet at some points of the game that yoo could actually hear the players on the pitch shoutin instructions to each othaa and the sirens of emergency vehicles ootside the stadium could be cleary hord az they passed The Gallowgate End in Strawberry Place! 
The fantastic flag displays by 'Wor Flags' woz absent az 19 of the flag bearers have not renewed their season tickets in protest at the current situation!  
They have aalso said that they and the displays will not be comin' back until wor absent owner (he boycotted Sunday's game az well!) known 'affectionately' to Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller' sells wor great club!
We 'fink' that they will have a very lang time to wait indeed! 

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST