NUFC 8th IN THE PREMYAA LEEGUE PECKING ORDER!

 PPosted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Tuezday 14th July 2026

THE CARTEL SIX!—PLUS VILLA!

News that £50 million transfor target Johan Manzambi, who NUFC have been after for months, haz been hijacked by Aston Villa, iz yet anothaa reminder of just where we are in the top flight pecking order!  

This follows Liverpool, who hijacked Victor Munoz last month, after agreement woz reached!

Add on (deep breath!) Hugo Ekitike, Joao Pedro, Ben Sesko and James Trafford, who have aall been hijacked by the Cartel Six, in the last 12 months, —-with Villa now 7th in the pecking order!——that makes us the 8th in line for star player, who will come to us!

It’s like vultures, hovering over their prey (NUFC) and diving in to steal ‘the prize’ at the last minute!

Add in that Isak 🐀, Gordon, Tonali and possibly captain Bruno, have aall departed, PLUS Elliot Anderson, who we were forced to sell!—then the ‘vision’ of bein “Number One!” by 2030 looks ridiculous and laughable now! 

Although Toon fans are definitely NOT laughing at wor inability to keep or sign star players!

ING-ER-LAND EXPECTS. SEMI FINAL AT STAKE!

 Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Saturday 11th July 2026 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿   Updated ‘1:20am bells 🔔 Sunday 12th July

The qwaataa final of Ing-er-land’s game v Norway takes place tooneet at 10:00 bells 🔔 UK time in Miami —and we can anly hope that they can dee it, to set up a semi final against The Argie Bargies’ or The Swiss Rollers’?

Big Dan Burn 🔥 iz the last Toon player standing in the World Cup and IF he iz selected, he will need doubt mark Irling Haarland—A player who haz anly scored just once in 8 games against us while playin for Man City, when Big Dan haz marked him! (See top photo!)

Come midneet 🔔 bells’ we shall naa the outcome! 

Posted 1:20am bells Sunday 12th July* ⬇️

“NOR-WAY THE LADS!”

FT after ET 

NORWAY 1. ING-ER-LAND 2 

Into the semis v The Argie Bargies or The Swiss Rollers! 

ANOTHAA ONE IN! ANOTHAA ONE OOT!?

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Friday 10th July 2026

Wor third signin of the transfor window! This time from Dutch giants Ajax!

Sean Steur iz 18 years old and played 25 times for Ajax last season in the Eredivisie Leegue

 He iz a central midfielder and haz 28 caps for Holland at youth level!  The fee iz reported to be £23 million and he haz signed a 5 year contract!

Rumour haz it that more signings are due, but we hear that The Liverbirds could yet again hijack a player we’re after! ⬇️

And then this! ⬇️

Of course we hear that Bruno wants away to The Arse, but again this iz just a rumour!

The Geordie Times will of course bring you, wor loyal subject any more news of comings and gannings, when we find oot! (Probably 2 days late!)

NUFC CONFIRMED FIXTURE DATES

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 26th Joon 2026  Updated Thorzday 9th July 2026

"FOR THOSE WITH VERTIGO---DIVVINT LOOK DOON FROM THE BACK ROW!"

“NEW GROOND!—- NEW GROOND!” 🤪👍🏁

NUFCs pre season friendly fixtures have been updated, plus wor forst batch of Premyaa Leegue games with dates and kick off times!

And the one friendly that stands oot the most, iz wor visit to the iconic Mestalla Stadium in Valencia, Spain!

The stands are SO steep, that yoo are warned not to trip and fall in the top deck (where they put the away fans), or yoo could end up on the pitch below!

There are NINETEEN flights of stairs and nee lifts to get up there and fans who are not fightin fit are advised not to attempt it!

(In comparison The Milburn and Leazes Stands have 14 flights of stairs!)

TOON FANS WILL BE IN BLOCK 733 (ARROWED↖️) IN THE TOP CORNER SECTION

When Celtic played there, their fans were warned aboot the very steep rake of the stand behind one of the goals!⬇️

If you'd asked me for a 'bucket list' of stadiums I'd love to visit, then The Mestalla would definatly be in mee top 10!

*Anyway!— the full list of Toon friendlies iz listed below!⬇️ 

Saturday 18th July   Darlo at wor trainin groond, behind closed doors

Saturday 25th July   The Heedbangers of Gatesheed at Gatesheed Stadium at '12:30 bells'

Wedinzday 29th July   The Big Bristols (City) at Ashton Gate at '7:30 bells'

Saturday 8th August   Valencia at The Mestalla at '9:00 bells' local time

Wedinzday 12th August   The Toffee Noses of Everton at Murrayfield, Edinburgh at '5:15 bells'

Saturday 15th August  Bayer Leverkusen at SJP at ‘3:00 bells’

Sunday 16th August   Strasbourg at SJP at 4:00 bells

*Premyaa Leegue

Sunday 23rd August  The Liverbirds at SJP at 4;30 bells live on Sky

Saturday 29th August  Sporz at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium at 5:30 bells live on Sky

Saturday Septembaa 5th  Bournemooth at SJP at 12:30 bells live on TNT

Munday Septembaa 14th  Leedz at Elland Road at 8:00 bells live on Sky (Could be changed   Not cast in stone) 

Saturday 19th Septembaa  Hull City at SJP at 3:00 bells nee telly

*

GEORDIE TIMES GROUNDHOPPIN AND TELLYHOPPIN ITINERY FOR JULY AND AUGUST

 Posted ‘7:11pm bells’ Tuezday 7th July 2026

THE MESTALLA, VALENCIA, SPAIN

Tuezday July 7th: UTS Stadium 

Dunston v The Bishops from Auckland

Saturday July 11th: Bishopton Road

Stockton Town v Dunston

Then: Geordie Times HQ telly! 📺 

Ing-er-land v Norway in Miami

Tuezday July 14th: UTS Stadium

Dunston v North Sheeeldz 

Saturday July 18th: New Countess Park

Dunbar v Heaton Stanington

Tuezday July 21st: Green Lane

Redcar v Dunston

Saturday July 25th: Gatesheed Stadium

Gatesheed v NUFC

Tuezday July 28th: UTS Stadium

Dunston v Sooth Moor

Saturday August 1st: UTS Stadium

Dunston v Darlo

Saturday August 8th: The Mestalla, Spain

Valencia v NUFC

Wedinzday August 12th: Murrayfield, Scotland

Evaatin v NUFC

MURRAYFIELD STADIYM, EDINBURGH, JOCKLAND

Saturday August 15th: SJP

NUFC v Bayer Leverkusen 

Sunday August 16th: SJP

NUFC v ????

Sunday August 23rd: SJP

NUFC v The Liverbirds 

Saturday August 29th: Tottenham Hotspur Stadium

Sporz v NUFC

BAZZA SIGNS!

 PPosted ‘1:00pm bells 🔔’ Munday 6th July 2026

Az per usual The Geordie Times iz very late with the news that Bazoumana Touré haz signed for NUFC from Jawman side Hoffenheim for a reported £43 million!

He’s a 20 years old left winger and played 3 times for the Ivory Coast in the World Cup!

Welcome to The Toon ‘BAZZA’ (Wor shortened name for him az we will nee doubt sppel hiz full name wrang in wor reports if we tried! (We took time to make sure we sppelt hiz name corrrectleee!)

ING-ER-LAND V MEXXICO. ‘1:00am bells 🔔’

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Sunday 5th July 2026  Updated ‘4:10am bells 🔔 

“THE BIG SLEEP” 💤 🛌 😴 📺 

Ing-er-land travel to the iconic Azteca Stadium in Mexico city to take on the hosts at the ungodly hour of ‘1:00am bells 🔔’ in the mornin’!

This will be their toughest test yet in this roond of 16 knockoot 😵‍💫 🥊 tie, in a game that could gan eethaa way!

We can anly hope that aall the players are up for it, in a stadium that iz so high above sea level, that oxygen masks might be needed!

If we can stay awake lang enough? then The Geordie Times will bring yoo the news that yoo will aalready naa, az soon az the match finishes! ⬇️

Updated ‘4:10am 🛎️s’

*MEXXICO 2. ING-ER-LAND 3 ! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

The 10 men includin super sub Big Dan Burn held on against aall the odds to claim a famous victory in the Azteca Stadium!

Norway 🇳🇴 are next in Miami on Saturday at ‘10:00 pm 🔔s for a place in the semi finals! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 

👏 👏 Now we can gan to 💤😴🛌

ING-ER-LAND V THE DOCTORS FROM CONGO *** WORLD CUP AT TEATIME TODAY

 Posted ‘high noon bells’ 🔔 Wedinzday 1st July 2026   Updated Thorzday ‘high noon bells 🔔’

We can anly hope that Ing-er-land’s performance against Dr. Congo iz better today, than it woz against Panama in a dreadful forst half!😴

It woz SO bad, aa switched to channel 700, where Peppa Pig the fireman woz rescuing a little piglet from a burning building! (Riveting stuff) (See above⬆️)  

Ing-er-land won 2-0 eventually against a bang awful side! (A’d switched back to the ITV coverage by then!)

A place in the last 16 iz at stake against a team with The Toon’s very own Dr. Wissa in The African Witch Doctors side! 🧙🏿 

Lets hope they can dee it and progress to the roond of 16! (At Wissa’s expense!)

Updates after the game, which starts at ‘5:00 bells’ 🔔!

Updated Thorzday ‘high noon bells 🔔’

“HARRY KANES THE AFRICAN WITCH DOCTORS!” 🧙🏿 

ING-ER-LAND 2  DOCTOR CONGO 1

A brace from Harry puts the 🦁 🦁 🦁 through to the roond of 16, where they will play Mexico in the Azteca Stadium, next Munday at the ungodly hour of ‘1:00am 🔔’

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS POSSIBLE NEW GROONDS!

 PPosted ‘high noon 🕛 🛎️ bells’ Thorzday 25th Joon 2026

            SALFORD CITY ⬆️. FLEETWOOD TOWN ⬇️ 

The draw for the EFL Cup takes place this afternooon at ‘2:30 bells’ on SKY Sports, which pits the wits of Premyaa Leegue U21sides against the 1st teams of Leegue 1 & 2 sides!

NUFC U21s are in the Northern Section of the draw and could face 2 teams who’s groonds we have never been tee before!

They are Salford City in Group A and Fleetwood Town in Group G

The 8 groups comprise of 3 Leegue 1 or 2 sides and 1 Premyaa Leegue U21 sides

The other 22 groonds that we could gan tee, have aall been visited by ‘The Toonhoppers ower years gone by!

It really iz gettin harder and harder to visit new Leegue groonds az we are now doon to single figures (9) of groonds we havvint visited oot of the 92 to watch NUFC!

The list: Premyaa Leegue 20/20 (0 to visit)

Championship 24/24 (0 to visit)

Leegue 1  21/24 (3 to visit)

Leegue 2  18/24 (6 to visit)

So!—-“come in” Salford or Fleetwood, az we would really love to visit yoo at last!

Aall wor games are away from home!

The Geordie Times ‘fly by night’ reporter ‘Secret Pigeon’ will bring us the news of the draw, az soon az it happens, when he ‘wings in’ to tell us which group we are in!

Updated 3:00pm bells 🔔’⬇️

*Nee such luck

NUFC U21s have been drawn in Group C against York City, Rotherham United and Bradfaad City

Groonds we have previously visited! 😭

THE FULL DRAW⬇️

NUFC FIXTURES 2026-2027 & NEW SHIRT SPONSORS

 Posted ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Wedinzday 24th Joon 2026

“OPPORTUNITY KNOX!”

NUFC have reveeeled wor new shirt and trainin groond sponsors at last! 

It’s absolutely no surprise that it’s KNOX the hydration drinks firm from South Africa, who reportedly signed a £60 million deal to sponsor us for 3 years! (£10 million Less than SELA we understand?)

With the new season just 2 months away, we reeely dee need to sign a few players to give us any chance of European futbaall in a years time!

The new seasons fixtures have been released —and aalready we naa that wor forst game v The Liverbirds at SJP haz been moved to a Sunday for live telly—-One of many that will be moved , especially az we have nine teams in European competitions—but not The Toon of course!

The telly fixture release dates are az follows!⬇️

For August  Week commencing July 13

Games that could be moved

The Liverbirds at SJP 

Moved to Sunday 23rd August

Sporz away Saturday 29th August

Geordie Times prediction

This game WILL be moved

For Septembaa  Week commencing August 13th (We will wait til August to predict fixture moves for Septembaa!

For Octobaa  Week commencing August 24th

For Novembaa  Week commencing Septembaa 21st

For Decembaa  Week commencing Octobaa 19th

For January 2027  Week commencing Novembaa 11th

For February  Week commencing Decembaa 21st

For March  Week commencing January 18th

Match Week 35  Week commencing March 29th

MW 36  Week commencing April 5th

MW 37  Week commencing April 24th

MW 38  Week commencing May 23rd

*