TOON ARMY IN CHINAA!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Friday 19th July 2019

Those who were lucky enough to be in Chinaa to watch NUFC (or unlucky enough, az the case may be, after wor 4-0 thrashing by Wolves!) have sent The Geordie Times some photos from Nanjing and beyond!
Special thanx to International RUSScue and Big Kev for pix!

"A PUB PHOTO AT LAST!"

Tomorrow morning we play West Ham in Shanghai  for the 3rd and 4th place play off! Let's hope the loyal fans who have travelled aall that way, have something to cheer in the mornin come 'high noon bells' GMT (Geordie Meeen Time!)

"IF YOO DON'T LIKE SWEAR WORDS

LOOK AWAY NOW!"

FOR THOSE OF YOO WHO ARE READIN THIS IN CHINAA

THE TOON ARMY ARE MEETIN HERE TODAY/TONEET

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS! *** NEW GROONDS! *** NEW GROONDS!

Posted '3:33pm bells' Friday 12th July 2019
Updated (with dates) Thorsday 18th July 2019

MOSS ROSE, MACCLESFIELD

THE NEW MEADOW, SHREWSBURY

Amongst aall the doom and gloom of 'Broken Nose Bruce's appointment az forst team manager/coach/yes man, a bit of good news, az wor resorve U21 side have been drawn against 2 teams who's groonds we have never been te before, in the EFL Trophy!

NUFC U21s led by Neil Redfearn are in Group 'D' of the competition and will travel to Port Vale, Shrewsbury and Sol Campbell's,  MACCLESFIELD!

We've highlighted 'Macclesfield', az wor resorves  have play here before, but unfortunately the game v Stoke U23s clashed with a forst team game at Cristil Pallis and az forst team games take priority, we were forced to miss it!
This iz the ANLY current Futbaall Leegue groond where an NUFC team have played, where 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' HAVENT been tee!

Although we have been to Shrewsbury before, many years ago, this woz at their old Gay Meadow groond!   Since then they have moved on to a stadium on the ootskirts caalled 'The New Meadow'
Anothaa new groond then! 
The anly groond we have been tee before in the draw iz Port Vale's, Vale Park. 

The forst games take place at the beginning of September:
Tue 3rd September: MACCLESFEEELD away (ko '7:45 bells')

Tue 24th September: SHREWSBURY away (ko '7:30 bells') 
This iz in the week of the Caribou Cup 3rd roond az well.
Should Shrewsbury progress to this stage, then the EFL game will be cancelled---Aalso should NUFCs 1st team get through to this roond and Shrewsbury lose, then we could be forced to miss the game if Caribou Cup and the EFL Trophy games are on the same day! 
(NUFC 1st team games get priority!)

Tue 12th November: PORT VALE away (ko '7:45 bells')

*

THE LAST MAN STANDING!

Posted '2:30pm bells' Thorsday 18th July 2019

Cast your mind back to 16th January 2011

sund'lind have just scored against The Toon 

and the man with 'black n white blood' gets ready to celebrate!

The mackems score a last gasp equaliser against The Toon, to send their manager on a celebratory run doon the touchline!

And their manager woz non othaa than!---'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE'!

Below is a report from the 'Ronny Gill' newspaper the next day!

Bruce, who put his side under immense pressure to get three points--had accused Newcastle of

lacking class after the 5-1 hammering back in October at St. James' Park after the PA announcer had blasted out Daydream Believer at the end of the classic derby victory.

At the Stadium of Sh**e, sunderland were the ones who lacked class on and off the field on a forgettable day for the red-and-whites.

But as Bruce set off on a celebratory charge down the touchline as if his side had won the title, it summed up just how grateful sunderland were to save face after being well and truly

 outplayed in their own backyard.

And this from a man who claims NUFC were hiz 'boyhood club' and that he 'bled black n white'!

Wor record goalscorer Alan Shearer and a good friend of Bruce, told him just after Benitez had left, NOT to take the 'poisoned chalice' job under any circumstances!

"NO!-NO!-NO!-DON'T TAKE IT!" Shearer told him, az he woz on a hiding to nothin'!

Shearer aalso said that 'Broken Nose' woz, "THE LAST MAN STANDING"!, az many othaas had been warned off!

Bruce obviously didn't take a blind bit of notice of Shearer's advice and iz heedin' 'Blindfold' into the most toxic job in futbaall! 

Shearer added poignantly, "But I just really hope that he doesn't live to regret it, LIKE I FEAR HE WILL!" 

Will it aall end in tears?--We sincerely hope not, but, just like Alan Shearer, we ARE prepared for the worst! 

THE UNDERTAKER AND LIAM FROM THE LAMP *** LOST BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN!

Posted '2:00pm bells' Tuesday 17th July 2019

On this day five years ago John 'The Undertaker' and Liam 'From the Lamp' were on their way to New Zealand to watch The Toon in pre season friendlies.
They never got there az their plane waz shot doon ower The Ukraine and they perished alang with nearly 300 others!

Wor forst, forst team friendly of the season woz in China today v Wolves.
We are sure that both John and Liam were lookin' doon from heaven watchin' the game!

They may be lost but they will never be forgotten by those who knew them well (like me) and those who had never met them!

RIP Lads!

"SAY NO MORE!" *** NUFC 0 WOLVES 4 *** BROKEN NOSE BRUCE APPOINTED

Posted '1:40pm bells' Wedinzday 17th July 2019

THIS IZ WOT BROKEN NOSE BRUCE SAID 

WHEN HE WOZ APPOINTED MANAGER OF sUND'LIND!

NUFC lost heavily in Chinaa today losin' 0-4 to Wolves in The Asia Cup in Nanjing----'Broken Nose Bruce', who said 'he bled black n white', iz appointed az new 'dogsbody' to 'The Fat Controller'!

"THANK GOD WE WORNT PLAYIN' MAN CITY!"

"BULLSH*T!"

"MORE BULLSH*T!"

"TOON FANS ARNT THE ANLY ONES WHO ARE NOT HAPPY!"

ANGRY TOON FANS IN NANJING HEAR THAT 'BROKEN NOSE' 

IZ WOR NEW MANAGER/ DOGSBODY/ CRAWLER / YES MAN!

AND FROM ST JAMES' PARK---WOR NEW AWAY KIT!

A very bad day at the office for certain!

WOLVES v NUFC IN CHINAA ---TOMORROW MORNIN!

Posted '5:45pmbells' Tuesday 16th July 2019

DIVVINT ASK ME WHY--BUT RUSS HAZ SENT ME THIS PHOTO FROM CHINAA!

GUESS WHO RUSS MET OOTSIDE THE ABOVE HOSPITAL?

Tomorrow morning in  Nanjing, Chinaa wor forst team play Wolves in The Asia Trophy
The game iz live on SKY at '10:00am bells' and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be represented by 'International RUSScue' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' who have been in Shanghai since last week!

With a depleted squad made up of resorve players and players back from loan, we will have a forward line of Dwight Gayle and Muto---the anly 2 out and out strikers we now have on wor books!

Nee manager in place of course, eethaa!---typical chaos and disarray from NUFC again!

PS: Hopefully, 'Russ' and 'Blondie' will send 'The Geordie Times' some match pix from the game, and not some guy who haz had plastic surgery!

340 hibernian training ground, ormiston, scotland (v hibs U20s)

Ground number 340
Date of First Visit: 15th July 2019

Hibernian Training ground, Ormiston, Scotland

Hibernian U20s 1
Newcastle United U23s 2

Friendly fixture
Attendance: 175 ('Dave from York' coonted them!)
Includin 6 mad-sad groundhoppers!

Luke Carman (centre of pic) scores the openin' goal for wor U23s
(Geordie Times excluuusive!)

**Six NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers made the trip north of Hadrian's Waall to Hibs trainin groond for this resorve friendly and news filtered through that 'Broken Nose Bruce' and hiz backroom team had resigned from Sheffeeeld Wedinzday to leave them in the lurch!
A 4 millions compensation package had been mentioned to bring him to NUFC, which seems total madness to us for certain for a 'run of the mill' manager, with most of hiz time spent in The Championship!

It had taken 2 hours to drive up from Tyneside in Big Al's jam jar (NOT the sheet metel workers son!) and afterwards aa had to get back and drive mee truck to Manchester later that neet!

Anyway!---to the match---which woz between Hibs U20 side and NUFCs U23 side and kicked off at '2:00pm bells' on a hot and sunny day in Scotland!

A 'crowd' of 150 or so had assembled az the game kicked of , with many of them bringin their own chairs with then az there were nee stands to sit in!

"CHAIR WE GO!--CHAIR WE GO!--CHAIR WE GO!"

After an orly scare The Toon took the lead in the 13th minute when Luke Charman hit a fine shot past the Hibs keeper which aa just happen to capture on mee camera phone! (see above photo!)

The lead didn't last lang though and the home side equalised 8 minutes later when trialist Jonny Smith beat Too goalie Langley at the near post!---That's the way it stayed til the break!

Luke Charman hit the post 5 mins into the 2nd half, before Jack Young latched onto the rebound and foond Lewis Cass who beat Martin in the Hibs goal from close in to seal the victory for the 'black n whites', (who were sportin wor new 'Fairs Cup strip' which looks nowt like the original from 1969?)

LEWIS CASS (2nd Toon player from goal--Yoo can just see hiz legs!)

SCORES THE DECISIVE GOAL OF THE GAME!

(Anothaa Geordie Times exlcluuusive!)

The final whistle blew just before '4:00 bells' and it woz then back to Tyneside in Big Al's jalopy before heedin for work on the Team Valley (Gatesheed) to dee mee normal nightly 'truck run' to Eccles (Manchester) and I arrived there at '10 past 10 bells', some 6 hours (plus) after leavin bonny Scotland! (The things yi de to follow NUFC!)

*More pix to follow when aa get time--like! 

A HIBS FAN SAID TO WOR NUMBER 8 

"ARE YOO GOIN TO CHEAT ALL YOUR LIFE!"

AZ HE WOZ ABOOT TO TAKE THIS CORNER 

WITH THE BAALL JUST OOTSIDE THE 'D'!

THE TEAMSHEET GAVE NEE CLUES TO WHO WOR NUMBER 8 WOZ!?

AZ NUFC DIDNT GIVE THEM WOR LINE UPS!

THE MATCH PROGRAMME!

TRAININ' GROOND ENTRANCE

A TOWN CAALLED 'MACMERRY' 2 MILES FROM HIBS TRAININ GROOND!

"WOT!---IN SCOTLAND!"

HIBS U20s v NUFC U23s *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th July 2019

The new season iz nearly upon us and tomorrow @ '2:00 pm bells' we heed north of the border, where NUFC U23s are playin' Hibs U20s in a pre season friendly at Hibs Trainin Groond in Tranent, a few miles south east of Edinburgh.

This iz a new groond for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and yoo can bet your bottom dollar that there will be a huge following from Tyneside (er! 6 or 7 ---mebeez!)

Admission iz FREE, but Hibs are askin' for smaall donations instead for their academy (A'm sure aa can find a 5p coin from somewhere!)

A Geordie Times match and pix report will appear here on Tuesday, sometime!
Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

IT'S JUST LIKE A LAUREL AND HARDY MOVIE!

Posted '2:20pm bells' Saturday 13th July 2019

STARRING 'PENFOLD' AZ STAN LAUREL AND 

'THE FAT CONTROLLER' AZ OLIVER HARDY!

Sheff Wed's chairman is said to be absolutleee livid that wor 'beloved'? owner 'The Fat Controller', (pictured below) haz tried to get 'Broken Nose Bruce' through press leaks and NOT by direct contact with him!

NUFC thought they would get 'Broken Nose' on the cheap with a million quid to buy oot hiz contract!
The Wedinzday chairman would have 'non of it' and haz slapped a SIX million fee for hiz release!---The same aamoont az Rafa's contract woz!
Not anly that but they want even more for the release of Bruce's backroom staff who he wants to take with him!

This iz for a man who woz SIXTH choice to become wor next manager and who haz won absolutleee f**k aall in the major honours stakes az a manager, with TEN different clubs! 

'The Fat Controller's 'general dogsbody' and MD known to Toon fans az 'Penfold' off the 'Danger Mouse' cartoon, (pictured below)haz been scourin' Europe in a desperate bid to find a new manager, anly to finally get one who wants to come, 
from! --------SHEFFEEELD!

We naa for certain that 'The Fat Controller' will NOT pay that kind of 'dosh' for an 'aalso ran' and so the fruitless search for the 'poisoned chalice job', will gan on!--and on!---and on!

"SINCIL BANK --NOT! SHANGHAI !"

'Broken Nose Bruce' iz still the Sheff Wed manager---and az we speak they are playin Lincoln in a pre season friendly today at Sincil Bank! (The Toon are off to Shanghai tomorrow!) 
It's been reported on 'SKY' that an angry Wedinzday fan haz confronted him in the away dugoot and 'Broken Nose' woz roundly booood by the travellin' support!

A VERY ANGRY SHEFF WED FAN CONFRONTS 'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE' ON THE PITCH AT LINCOLN (And who can blame him!)

There's no way back after that---IZ THERE!?

"BROKEN PROMISES, BROKEN DREAMS, BROKEN HEARTS = BROKEN NOSE BRUCE!"

Posted '2:45pm bells' Thorsday 11th July 2019

        "IT'S LIKE SWAPPIN'"

"ONE OF THESE"

"FOR ONE OF THESE!!!"

 'The Geordie Times' prediction that 'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' would be wor next manager nearly came true, az 'Fat Sam' haz told Talksport that he woz approached by NUFC orlier this week aboot the vacant job!
He torned us doon, claimin' that he woz told that he wouldn't be in control of transfors (suprize!, suprize!) and that he thought it woz a bad idea to come back for a 2nd time (not addin' that the Toon fans "Hate hiz f****' guts!" and would be against him from day one!)

The dreaded news that wor 9th or 10th choice for 'The Poisoned Chalice' managers job,  to replace Rafa, IZ!--- 'Broken Nose Bruce' (coz the likes of Steve Gerrard, Martinez, Patrick Viera and Mikel Arteta didn't want to naa!) 
'Broken Nose' iz currently the manager of 'run of the mill' Championship club Sheffeeeld Wedinzday and iz said to be on Tyneside az we speak!

If yoo appoint a 'run of the mill' manager, then yoo will surely end up a 'run of the mill' club', like Hull City (relegated under hiz management!), Sheff Wed and Bormingham City (relegated under hiz management!) (3 of hiz former 10 (TEN!) clubs!)

The underwhelmin' and dreaded news iz expected to be announced tomorrow, sometime!
"It will be like swappin' a Rolls Royce for a battered Reliant Robin!"