Saturday, 21 September 2019

THE TOON V NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN *** TEATIME KICK OFF

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 21st September 2019
VIEW OF ST. JAMES' PARK,  THE CHINGKEEZ ARCH (right)
AND THE CITY WALLS (left)
FROM THE NEW BEER GARDEN AT 'ROSIE'S BAR'!

*WE face a six pointer (wot!---aall ready?) when we play Brightin this evenin' in anothaa live telly game at '5:30 bells'!
NUFC are in the bottom 3 az we speak, while wor visitors sit just one place and one point above us!
In the 4 Premyaa Leegue games that we have played against them, we have failed to win any!

Wor lowest Premyaa Leegue home crowd for 9 years iz predicted (41,053 v Bleakburn Rovers in 2010) az the boycott carries on against wor beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller'!
'The Nee Where Near Brightin Brigade' (coz their groond iz 'nee where near Brightin') have sold 1,500 tickets, while home sales are 10,000 doon because of the boycott! ( 'The Fat Controller' iz aalso predicted to boycott the game az well!---self inflicted wounds, perhaps?)

Andy Crockodile Carroll (remember him?) iz said to make hiz comeback, provided that he doesn't pick up anothaa injury in the pre match handshakes!

We reeely must win this or else we are in for a very hard winter again, with games against 'The Basil Brush Brigade 'of Lestaa, Moan Utd and Chelski on the horizon!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here az usual sometime on Sunday!

Friday, 20 September 2019

SCUNTHORPE'S SCANDALOUS SCULDUGGERY SCUPPERS SADDOS!

Posted '5:305m bells' Friday 20th September 2019 😭
"NO GO FOR THE NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

"BOTTESFORD BOTCH UP!"😭😰😭

Devastatin' news haz reached 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' this evenin'!
For wor planned NUFC U23s Premyaa Leegue Cup tie v Scunthorpe U23s haz been switched from Bottesford Toon FCs groond to Scunthorpe's main stadium at Glanford Park (now known az The Sands Venue Stadium)

NUFC have played here before of course in 'The Championship', but we have NEVER been to Scunthorpe U23s Birkdale Park groond in nearby Bottesford! (where they normally play U23 games!)

WE ARE ABSOLUTLEEE DEVISTATED! and a planned massive protest march iz contemplated by angry 'Toonhopper fans' to St. James' Park on Sunday, via the nearby Strawberry Pub!----AALL 7 OF US!

Thursday, 19 September 2019

TELLY DATES FOR NOVEMBER AT LAST!

Posted '4:22pm bells' Thorsday 19th September 2019

"I DON'T LIKE MUNDAYS!"

Just 4 days later than promised, 2 of NUFCs 4 games in November haz been changed for live telly!

And they are the away game v The Hazbeenz and Villains on a dreaded Munday neet---and the home game v 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester brought forward for a Saturday dinnatime kick off!

The away game at Villa Park will be wor FOURTEENTH consecutive away game on a Munday night!---Nee wonder we divvint like Mundays!😎

Saturday 2nd November at '3:00 bells':  'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham, away (unchanged)

Saturday 9th November at '3:00 bells': Bournemoooth at SJP (unchanged)

Munday 25th November at '8:00 bells': 'The Hazbeenz and Villains', away (SKY)


Saturday 30th November at '12:30 bells': 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester at SJP (BT)


*

"IT'S LIKE TRYIN' TO GET BLOOD OOT OF A STONE!"

Posted '2:55pm bells' Thorsday 19th September 2019
Updated '3:45pm bells'
THE ROY WEST CENTRE, HULL---
BUT WILL 'THE NUFC MAD_SAD GROUNDHOPPERS' GET THIS GROOND
TO ADD TO WOR 'LIST'?

After 4 days of deafenin' silence there iz still nee word aboot live telly games for November, despite promises that they would be announced on Munday (or Tuesday--dependin' on reports!)

Meeenwhile wor U23 Cup dates for The Premier Leegue Cup have been announced, withoot conformed venues--yet!
We have trawled the websites of both Hull and Scunthorpe to see exactly where wor away games against them will be played, but there iz nowt on them so far!
We are hopin' that the Hull away game takes place at The Roy West Centre in Hull (nufc.com says it iz) and that wor away game v Scunny takes place at Birkdale Park the home of Bottesford Toon FC ---2 groonds that we have never been tee!

Aalso the away U23 game at West Brom orly next year could take place at Hedensford Toon FC, aalthough wor Premyaa Leegue 2 away game against them next week, will take place at their trainin groond, behind closed doors!
BIRKDALE PARK, BOTTESFORD---BUT WILL NUFC U23s PLAY HERE?

The dates are az follows, with new groonds to visit---allegedly!

Premyaa Leegue Cup Group 'C'

Friday 4th October: Hull U23s away at The Roy West Centre?

Friday 8th November: West Brom U23s at home---but where exactly?? (3 possibilities--SJP, Whitley Park or Little Benton Academy)

Friday 29th November: Scunthorpe U23s away at Birkdale Park or Scunny's main groond???

Friday 17th January: Hull U23s at home at ????

Munday 10th February: West Brom U23s away at ?????

Friday 21st February: Scunthorpe U23s at home at ??????

We will of course update yoo, when we find oot 'where the hell' the games are definitely bein' played!

Tuesday, 17 September 2019

TELLY TIMES FOR NOVEMBER TO BE ANNOONCED VERY SOON!--ALLEDGEDLY!

Posted '3:57pm bells' Munday 16th September 2019
Updated '4:01pm bells' Tuesday

The telly times for November are/were! to be conformed eethaa later today or tomorrow---we are are not sure when?
'nufc.com' says today and 'The Ronny-Gill' says tomorrow?

It iz now 'tomorrow' and its '4 bells' in the afternoon--and STILL nee news of any November fixture changes!
Why the hell do they tell us that TV games will be announced---and then deafly silence????

There are 4 Saturday games that could be moved ---and they are:
'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham away on 2nd November
Bournemoooth at SJP on 9th November
'The Hazbeenz and Villains' away on 23rd November
'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester at SJP on 30th November 

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yooo---wor loyal subjects--- any changes, when we (eventually!) find oot---alang with U23 fixture dates/times/ venues in The Premyaa Leegue Cup, due to be played between October and February and The FA Youth Cup 3rd roond due to be played in December!

Az per usual--"Watch this space!"---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"ðŸ˜ī

Sunday, 15 September 2019

THE LIVERBIRDS 3 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '11:44am bells' Sunday 15th September 2019
VIEW FROM ROW 19, SEAT 66, AZ THE TOON 
ATTACK THE ANFEEELD ROAD END!
("GET YOUR KICKS IN SEAT 66!")

After draggin' mee lifeless body oot of 'mee pit' at the ungodly hour of '4:30am bells', it woz off in a taxi to 'The Central' to catch the '6:03 bells' Cross Pennines' train to 'Mickey Mouse Land'!


The train had a major fault and we were told that we had to get off at Manchester Victoria and catch anothaa train to Liverpoool Lime Street station!

This meant that we didn't get there til '9:30 bells' (instead of 9) and we heeded straight for 'The Ship and Mitre', which iz a 5 minute waalk from Lime Street to down the forst 'real ale liquid lubrications' and get some 'scran'

After a 2 hour 'binge' it woz time to heed for wor expected 'punishment' at Anfeeeld, which iz 3 mles away in the suburbs of Liverpoool!
THE LANG QUEUE FOR THE FUTBAALL SPECIAL!
('ESPECIALLY' IF IT MAKES YOO MISS THE KICK OFF!)

We decided to wait for the 'soccer special' which went to the groond---and waited---and waited-----and waited!--in the lang queues for the busses!
After a half hour wait we finally boarded one at '12:05 bells' and heeded to wor destination and the '12:30 bells' kick off---Unfortunately, because of heavy traffic we got there late and missed the forst 4 minutes of the match! (must remember to get a taxi next time---for certain!)
JETRO'S GOAL ON 'MATCH OF THE DAY'!---NOT JAMAAL'S!

It wasn't lang for the forst goal, which woz scored by 'US'---a brilliant right footer from Jetro Willems from just inside the box, just 3 minutes after wor arrival, to send the 3,000 Toon fans into unexpected joy in 'The Anfeeeld Road End'!
(For some reason the scoreboard said that Jamaal Lascelles had scored?)
VIEW OF THE 'SPOT THE TOURIST STAND'!

Wor 'joy' woz short lived however, az 'The European champions' equalised when Dubravka in the Toon goal failed to collect a shot from Mane and hiz 'fumble' allowed Mane to put the baall into an empty net to 'waken up' the home crowd, who had been very quiet up until this point!
VIEW OF THE QUIET KOP!

The 2nd goal from The Liverbirds woz even worse when Krafth lost the baall and the resultin' attack led to anothaa goal against, time from Mane again, with a shot across the box in the 40th minute!

It woz 'backs to the waall' in the 2nd period and The Liverbirds finally sealed the victory through Salah, who beat Dubravka from close in! 
Before that Krafth had blazed a shot high ower the bar into The Kop when he woz unmarked---and opportunity missed that we paid dearly for!
KRAFTH IZ UNMARKED, BUT BLAZES HIZ SHOT OWER THE BAR!

The Anfeeeld crowd and especially The Kop, were the quietest I can remember in visits gannin back nearly 51 years!---A partial result of 'futbaaal tourism' and thoosands of home fans with 'non Scouse' accents, 'back packs' and brand new red and white scarves, who wernt born anywhere near Liverpoool--for certain, 'gave it away', ootside the groond and in the city centre before and after the game!)

It woz then back to 'The Ship' for somemore 'gargels' before catchin' the 4:30 bells' train back to The Toon! (amazingly, the train didn't break doon on the way back!)

The loss took us to the edge of the relegation zone once again in 17th place--and we feel that that's where we will be, come the end of the season (hopefully not in 18th place or lower!)

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth (Manquillo 67), Schar (Fernandez 80), Lascelles, Dummett, Willems, Hayden, Shelvey, Atsu, Amiron (Muto 67), Joelinton

Attendance: 51,430 (includin' 3,000 Toon fans and a canny few 'tourists'!)

*Stats: With just 1 win in 5, 'Broken Nose Bruce's win percentage iz now 20%! 
  



Thursday, 12 September 2019

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON **** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

Posted '3:11pm bells' Thorsday 12th September 2019

On Saturday at the ungodly hour of '4:30am bells' we must drag worsels oot of bed to catch the '6:03 bells' train to Liverpoool for wor game at Anfield, which kicks off at '12:30 bells' for live telly!

We have sold wor entire allocation of 3,000 tickets for 'The Anfield Road End' and the game iz a complete selloot!

Sean Longstaff suffered a freak injury in trainin' and torned hiz ankle---so he wont be in the squad!

NUFC are odds on favourites to lose of course!, with odds of 22/1 to win---while 'The Liverbirds' are 1/7 on to win!
They haven't lost a Premyaa Leegue game at home for TWO AND A HALF YEARS! ( April 2017) This consists of 32 wins and 10 draws!
NUFC haven't won there for 24 years!---A 1-0 win in The Leegue Cup in 1995---and its 26 years we won there in The Premyaa Leegue in the 1993-94 season---That's 23 times in a row since we last won --losin 19 times a drawin 4 times---So that's an easy 3 points for 'us' then!

It iz nearly 51 years since aa forst set foot in Anfield, where NUFC lost 2-1 in October 1968---and so av 'dug up' the archive report from that game aall those years ago and have published it below
(ground number 003)


003 anfield liverpool


GROUND NUMBER 3

Date of First Visit: 26th OCTOBER 1968

ANFIELD, LIVERPOOL


LIVERPOOL 2 

NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Tommy Gibb)



(OLD) DIVISION ONE

ATTENDANCE 45,323 (3,000 Toon fans)






"SHE LOVES YOU!, YEAH! YEAH!YEAH!"                                   




Anfield!, The Kop!, The Beatles!. This was mee forst ‘lang distance away game’ followin’ ‘The Toon’ as a young schoolboy (at least aa! thought it was a lang way!) and aa caught the supporters club coach from Morden Street in The Haymarket at ‘six bells’ (there were ne motorways up here in them days, so yi had to leave orly!) for the princely sum of 12 shillings and sixpence!. (60 odd pence in todays money!)

(The anly other groonds a’d been te at the time were St James’ Park of course and the away derby at ‘yee naa where’!)



The Beatles were in their heyday and the Scousers used tih sing their songs on The Kop, while everyone of them seemed tih be wearin' a suit 'n' tie---and not a futbaall top in sight!?.


However!---there WERE hundreds of home made flags and banners nailed ontih sticks, wavin’ in The Kop. (one of which looked liked a bed sheet which waz probably ‘half inched’ from some poor mutha’s bed?) (OR!---from some poor wifey’s washin’ line!) 



Add that tih the thoosands of scarf wavers and the whole end looked like a ‘sea of red’ az they swayed from side tih side singin’: ‘She loves you yeah! yeah! yeah!’, amongst other classics (Quite a sight!)


There were a canny few Toon fans in the Anfield Road end wavin’ THEIR scarves iz well, singin’ ‘The Blaydon Races’ in reply (although!, ah did’nt spot any ‘bed sheet nickers’ from wor lot!) and they mixed freely with the Liverpool fans.

(Ne crowd segregation in them days!)


A’v got to say that aa was very impressed with Anfield at the time as it had cover on aall fower sides. (a rarity in the 60’s) To wor left was the Kemlyn Road Stand which had a roof that sloped doonwards so as not to block the light from the terraced hooses in the street behind.  The main stand to wor right had a barrel shaped roof not unlike the West Stand at the Toon and it had a gable at the front with the clubs name on it painted in bright red.  The Kop opposite was huge and held more than half the groonds capacity and in keepin’ had a huge roof to cover it. Wor end was aboot a thord of the Kops size and the roof covered three qwaatas  of the terraces.



If ah remember rightly, it cost the princely sum of two bob tih get in (ten pence!) and the match programme (which ah still have today gatherin’ dust somewhere in mee loft!) cost 9d, which in todays money is aboot three and a half pence!

(Aye!---it meks iz feel quite ancient!---pass mee zimmer frame!)



The Toon went ahead after 21 minutes, when Alan Foggon centred the baall tih Tommy Gibb, who's spectacular shot hit the back of the net, givin' Liverpool keeper Tommy Lawrence ne chance.



(This was the Toons forst---and last!---shot of the game!)



Wor lead was short lived however, when the 'Scousers' levelled the score two minutes later, when teenage sensation Alun Evens vollyed home.

The noise of the crowd waz unbelievable and ah can remember coverin’ mee lugs with mee hands az a loud shrill like sound enveloped the whole groond!

(Not unlike the reception The Beatles used tih get when they appeared on stage!)



We held oot until the 85th minute under a barrage from the Liverpool forwards, but then Willie McFaul, (who'd had a blinder up 'til then) made a terrible blunder, when he failed to hold a weak shot from Peter Thompson, and the baall slipped through his hands and open legs---and into the net!



The sight of the Toon goalie stampin' the groond in frustration, just aboot summed up how AH felt!, and wih went doon 2-1.



A'd had a brilliant day (apart from the score!) and mee forst proper away game was under mee belt---ah was hooked! and after the game wih heeded for Blackpool Illuminations (yi could say, a’d ‘seen the light’!)


“Arsenal---Arsenal---here we come!"  (Wor next away game!)                 




              

Wednesday, 11 September 2019

NUFC MAD -SAD GROUNDHOPPERS DIARY DATES!

Posted '3:18pm bells' Wedinzday 11th September 2019

BIRKDALE PARK, BOTTESFORD

Scunthorpe's excellent 3-1 win at Sooothend yesterday in The Premyaa Leegue Cup, meenz that NUFC U23s will have 2 new venues to visit in this competition!

That's at Birkdale Park, home of Bottesford Toon FC and Haall Road Rangers, where 'Scunny' normally play their U23 games--- and The East Riding FAs heedquarters at The Roy West Centre in Hull, where we will play Hull U23s!
THE ROY WEST CENTRE, HULL

NUFC have been placed in Group 'C' alang with West Brom and the above 2 teams. (West Brom play their U23 games at their trainin' groond--where we have been tee before)
MONTGOMERY WATER MEADOW, SHREWSBURY

Aalso, we have still to visit Shrewsbury's New Meadow groond next month for an EFL Trophy group stage game, between Shrewsbury's 1st team and NUFC U21s
(Aalso Port Vale, but we have been here az well!)

The away dates in question are U21 and U23 fixtures til the end of this year and are subject to change, except the Shrewsbury game, which haz been 'set in stone'!

Thorsday 3rd October to Sunday 6th October: Hull City U23s v NUFC U23s at The Roy West Centre in Hull in The Premyaa Leegue Cup (venue to be conformed)

Wedinzday 8th October: Shrewsbury's 1st team v NUFC U21s  at New Meadow in The EFL Trophy (7:30 bells')

Tuesday 12th November: Port Vale's 1st team v NUFC U21s at Vale Park in The EFL Trophy (Been here---got the Tee shirt!) 

Friday 29th November to Munday 2nd December: Scunthorpe U23s v NUFC U23s at Birkdale Park, Bottesford in The Premyaa Leegue Cup (It iz possible that this game could be moved to Glanford Park---where we have been tee before)(Hopefully not!) 

*The Geordie Times will of course conform the exact dates and times that the games will be played in due course!


  

Tuesday, 10 September 2019

"BOTTES UP IF YOO LUV THE TOON!"ðŸĨ‚

Posted '1:17pm bells' Tuesday 10th September 2019
Birkdale Park, home of
Bottesford Toon and
Haall Road Rangers

Aall NUFC groundhoppers eyes will be glued to a certain futbaall fixture this afternooon, when Sooothend U23s take on Scunthorpe U23s at Roots Hall, Soothend!

This is because the winners will play NUFC U23s in the Premyaa Leegue Cup!

Sooothend play their U23 games at Roots Hall, where we have been before of course, while Scunny play their U23 home games at nearby Bottesford Toon FC, a groond that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have never been tee before!

So, of course we will be rootin' for an away win so that we can add yet another new groond to wor never endin' list!

The game kicks off at '4 bells' and we will bring yoo the result az soon az we find oot!

Updated between '4:00 bells' and full time
*Joyous news for The Nufc mad-sad groundhoppers
Scunny scored 2 more goals in stoppage time to seal a date with NUFC U23s at Bottesford Toon!ðŸĪŠ *5:50 bells'----Nearly time---penalties loom
*5:32 bells'   Bad news !---Sooothend have equalised!
*4:46 bells' HT---still 0-1 to 'Scunny'!---so far so good!
*'4:02 bells'---Great news! 'Scunny' have taken the lead after just 2 minutes!---Sooothend 0  Scunthorpe 1

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