THE TOON 1 LEEEDZ 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted '10:33am bells' Wedinzday 27th January 2021 

 HOW LOW CAN THE BAR GET?

"THE 'GIFT' OF THE GAB!"

Bruce said we 'gifted' Leedz their first goal and said the same in wor defeat at Villa!

Come to 'fink' of it he haz said it on numerous occasions in the past 18 months!

He said we played wor best futbaall for a while in the 2nd half and woz "pleased!"---yet we still got beat!

And as for the first half? Nee shots on goal at aall and just 35% possession against a team who are at best,  bang average!

Almiron's 2nd half goal woz anly wor 2nd in the last 9 games, with the other goal aalso comin in a 2-1 home defeat by Lestaa, scored by Andy Carroll!

This year alone, Bruce haz been 'encouraged' and talked up the defeat v Lestaa, he talked up the 2 defeats at Arsenal, he talked up the defeat at Villa and now he is talking up the defeat by Leeedz!

How far has the bar been lowered? Well, put it this way--- a limbo dancer would struggle to get beneath WOR bar!

Unless a change of manager iz forthcomin', there will be trips to Millwaall and Barnsley next season for sure---and we dont mean in one of the cups!

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THE TOON V LEEEDZ *** TEATIME @ 'SIX BELLS'

 Posted '10:30am bells' Tuesday 26th January 2021

TOON FANS GIVE A VOTE OF CONFIDENCE TO WOR BELOVED MANAGER AND MD, NEAR TO WOR TRAININ' GROOND IN BENTON LAST NEET!

"HUBBLE BUBBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE!"

NUFC gan into this home game knowing that we MUST get sommik oot of it, or else we will be plunged deep into the relegation quagmire!

Bruce has yet another coach to try and help him, namely Graeme Jones, who has signed from Bournemoooth, when in fact wot we reeely need are new PLAYERS!

10 games withoot a win! (The forst one bein the 5-2 defeat at Leedz!)

1 goal in the last 8 games!

0 goals in the last 4 games! and Bruce says he iz "encouraged" by recent performances?

*Asked aboot incoming players in the transfor window, Bruce said, "We've got one or two things bubbling along!"

"THE SILENCE IZ DEAFENING!"

Old 'Broken Nose' aalso said that the players confidence woz low and told them to ignore the 'noise' of critisism and fans protests! 

(Steve, mate, just in case yoo didnt notice, there are NEE CROWDS in the stadiums to make a noise!???

*Yours truly will be listenin' in trepidation on mee trucks radio from '6:00 bells' onwards az aa travel up the M1---and so there wont be a Geordie Times 'Talk Sport' match report til the orly hours of tomorrow mornin' (when aa get back from Redditch!)

THE CABBAGE-GATE FILES!

 Posted 'Midneet bells' Munday 25th January 2021

TOON FANS HAVE BEEN URGED TO BUY CABBAGES AND PLACE THEM ON THE ST. JAMES' PARK GATES!--THINGS ARE GETTIN' BIZARRE NOW!

AND FOLLOWIN' WOR DISASTROUS 2-0 DEFEAT BY VILLA-----ANOTHER BANNER TOONEET!

FANS IN REVOLT!

 Posted '1:44pm bells' Sunday 24th January 2021

If we thought that 2020 woz a year to forget for Toon fans, then 2021 could be even worse, if yoo see where we are comin from!

The fans patience has finally snapped and banners appeared ootside the main entrance to St James' Park and the trainin groond in Benton last neet after yet another disastrous performance!

How has it come to this! Nee wins in 10 games and 'Bruce the Excuse' does indeed have an excuse for every set back!

He woz apparently pleased and encouraged by large parts of wor latest abysmal performance at Villa Park last neet, az we slid ever closer to the relegation trap door!????

A deluded man in defiant denial of the predicament we are in, with his depressin' multiple repeat comments after defeats, like: "Unfortunately we have gifted them a goal!" ** "We must dust ourselves down!" ** "Roll our sleeves up and go again!" ** etc, etc,  game after game, after game, after game! (He must have a hidden voice recorder on a loop!) 

And another thing!: If the coaches dee the coachin' and Nickson does the transfor business, what the hell does Bruce dee?                             Answer: He talks 'SHITE" (literally!) 

*It's a dead simple equation-- If 'Bruce the Excuse' stays, then NUFC----are doooomed!

*And from Twitter!

Updated at '5:35pm bells'

BRUCE BANS THE PRESS!

GEORDIE TIMES OBSERVATION !

 

THE HAZBEENZ & VILLANS V THE TOON **** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

Posted from '7:00pm bells' onwards, Saturday 23rd January 2021 (Kick off '8:00 bells'---Live from wor laptop)

* Geordie Times predictions: NUFC 33% possession***3 shots on target***We never predict the score!

*Will be updated az the goals gan in! (If any!) and any major incidents

12th minute--goal  to Villa!---Watkins after bad Schar misstayk! 1-0 doon!

Commentator: NUFC have had 68 corners this season and scored ONCE!

goal: Traore 42nd minute 2-0 doon!

HT possession 40%

One shot on target-- a weak effort from Almiron in 4th minute! Az Bruce the excuse would say,  "This is shite!"

Commentator: NUFC havent won any of their last 19 away games when they have went behind! 

Whatever Bruce has said at half time hasn't had the desired effect!

We're aheed on something anyway--14 fouls to 2 up!🤪

64th minute  Saint Max warming up!

Too little too late!

Commentator: Bruce is wondering who to take off, when he could take any of them off!

Carroll off for Saint Max in 70th minute

Commentator: Carroll has scored one goal in his last 47 appearances!

FT lost 2-0   0 shots on target in the 2nd half!

Thats 5 game played in 2021   5 defeats, 1 goal!

0 wins in the last 10 games
1 goal scored in the last 8 games---and Bruce says he iz pleased and encouraged by the latest performance???

IZ HE TAKIN' THE P*SS??? 

THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLANS V THE TOON *** TOONEET!

 Posted '2:16pm bells' Saturday 23rd January 2021

 "JUST LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING!"

Toooneet at '8 bells' we heed for Villa Park, or shud I say the team does, while we heed for wor tellys and laptops in wor hooses to watch on! (in trepidation!)

Just wot formation and line up Bruce will use for this game, is anybody's guess??? (Chuck 10 possible formations in the air and pick the first one that hits the groond!)

News that wor 'beloved owner'? 'The Fat Controller', iz panickin' a bit, reaches us, az we slide doon the table towards the relegation zone---and az a result, Bournemoooth's number 2 Graeme Jones iz (predicted) to 'assist' Bruce and hiz coachin' team!

We can see where 'The Fat Controller' iz comin' from!--- He can't afford to sack old 'Broken Nose' and hiz backroom staff, so he haz told Bruce that he iz bringin' in somebody to try and change things, before it's tooo late----whether he likes it or not! (Bruce says he iz in full agreement with this, but readin' between the lines, he iz just towin' the line to keep hiz job and save face!)

At the end of the day (apart from gettin' dark!) Bruce iz just a puppet on a string, like wor MD, Penfold!

                     

             More 'Brucey' news from Twitter and The papers

BRUCE HAZ A SARCASTIC DIG AT RAFA!

(RAFA HAZ LEFT CHINAA AND IZ LOOKIN 

FOR A POST IN THE PREMYAA LEEGUE!)

INSERT THE FIVE LETTER WORD THAT IZ MISSIN'!

A full Geordie Times Laptop match report will appear here sometime later!

530 DAYS OF DEAFENIN' SILENCE!

 Posted '1:47pm bells' Friday 22nd August 2021

On the 11th August 2019 in the club programme v Arsenal, wor beloved? MD said that NUFC would communicate more with fans!

Since that day, some 530 days ago, we have hord ABSOLUTLEEE NOTHIN'!

He said then: "We want to communicate clearly and proactively and I accept we need to do more, moving forward and to let the fans know where we are heading collectively!" (The Championship at this rate!)

He went on: "That goes beyond the responsibility of just head coach or manager in isolation!" (In other words, they wernt gannin to leave Bruce az the sole 'spokesman' for NUFC!---But that's EXACTLY what they have done!)

"We want to give you more of an insight into what happens across the club, and you will therefore be hearing more from me, as you are today, over the season!" (We have never hord anothaa word from him at aall, since then!)

Hollow words indeed, from a hollow regime!

530 DAYS---AND COONTIN'!   

MORE TV MISERY AHEED!

 Posted '2:50pm bells' at Woolley Edge truck park, M1 southbound, Wedinzday 20th January 2021

*OH NO!   THIS MEEENZ THAT WE HAVE TO WATCH EVEN MORE OF THIS CRAP!😳

MEEENWHILE IN OTHAA NEWS!

*TV HORROR SHOW TIMES FOR FEBRUARY

TUE 2ND, PALLISS, SJP, 8:15 BELLS, BT

MON 15TH, CHELSKI, AWAY, 8 BELLS, SKY

SUN 22ND, MOAN U, AWAY, 7 BELLS, BT

TO BE CONFORMED

SOOOTHAMPTON, SJP 

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ, SJP

THE ARSE 3 THE TOON 0 ***;PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted '10:34pm bells' Tuesday 19th January 2021

"WE'RE STILL SH*TE, STEVE!---AND YOO KNOW WE ARE!"

'Broken Nose Bruce' made 8 changes from the startin line up who played at Sheff U last week and he promised an attacking 4-4-2 formation after caallin' the team shite in the   1-0 defeat in Sheffeeeld!

However, we had NEE shots on target in the first half against The Arse and just ONE weak effort in the 2nd half!

The gloves are off! Eh?

We matched Arsenal for the first FIVE MINUTES!---and that woz it!---az the norf London side inflicted a not unexpected 3-0 defeat on Brucey's boys!--and it shud have been many more!

That's NINE games in aall competitions withoot a win and anothaa 'blank' scoresheet!.

Yet another different formation!--same result!

Nothin more to say except that if 'The Fat Controller' doesn't sack Bruce forthwith, then a 3rd retorn to The Championship in little ower 10 years will be a foregone conclusion!

After the match Bruce stated the bleeedin obvious!

"To win a match we have to score a goal!"

REEELY???

THE ARSE V THE TOON **** TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 18th January 2021

"WILSON!--FRASER!"--WATCH OUT FOR THE HAND GRENADE!"

NUFC heed for Islington(norf London)for the 2nd time in little more than a week after wor 2-0 FA Cup exit to The Arse the last time we were here!

Wor beleagered heed coach haz said that, "He saw nothing wrong with them at Arsenal!" In the one sided 2-0 extra time defeat, which ended wor run for trophies in the very first week of 2021

He's deluded!---nothing wrang???? We lost 2-0 for God's sake and had TWO shots on goal in 120 minutes!

That's ONE shot an hour on target by wor brilliant calculations!

He aalso says that "The hand grenade woz thrown!" In wor disastrous defeat at Sheff U last Tuesday! (that's '8 games in a row' withoot a win!)

Let's get real!---if we get anything oot of tooneets game then Bruce will probably dee a lap of honour aroond the 60,000 empty red seats, such is his desperation to pick any crumbs of comfort, that may come hiz way!

'Yours truly' is workin' and will have to listen on, on mee truck radio, as aa battle mee way up the empty M1 through the Midlands and Yorkshire on mee way back to Tyneside! (not much traffic theeeze days, due to the lockdoon!)

Aall Toon fans desperately want the team to turn the tide, but deep in wor hearts, we fear the worst tooneet!

Pleeeze prove me and the thoosands of fans wrang, lads!

A Geordie Times match report will appear here---eventually!