Tuesday, 25 June 2019

"THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK!"

Posted '2:23pm bells' Tuesday 25th Joon 2019

"IT' CAN'T GET ANY WORSE!--CAN IT?"

Yesterday woz one of the blackest days in NUFC's history with Rafa shown the door, with the club tellin' the media forst aboot hiz departure---and NOT tellin' Rafa that they had done that!
He found oot from a friend that NUFC had informed the media that he woz leavin'! 
A very shoddy way to treat a great manager with contempt!

Nee class from an arrogant regime that couldn't give 2 monkeys f***'s aboot anybody but themselves!
FURIOUS TOON FANS GATHERED OOTSIDE THE GROOND 
AZ SOON AZ THEY FOOND OOT!
WHERE, INDEED, HAZ AALL THE MONEY GONE???

This woz the day that 'broke the camel's back' and this time many loyal fans HAVE had enough and have vowed not to buy the most expensive new strip in futbaall (£65 for a large top!) or renew their expensive season tickets, which have went up anothaa 5%, to watch (which no doubt will be) dire futbaall and yet another relegation battle! 

Personally, I will still gan coz I cant stop myself! (I am on the10 year season ticket deal anyway and my price iz 'frozen' and am payin' for next season's ticket aalready!)

We reeely don't know what to say aboot wor fate next season, but wor anly hope iz for the 'so caalled takeower' to happen very very soon, or else we will start the new season with a weak squad, nee new players and nee hope for the future IF 'The Fat Controller' stays in charge!
(On hearin' of Rafa's departure on Munday, Alan Shearer caalled the club, "A SHAMBLES!")  

And az for a new manager?---whoever it iz, he iz on a hidin' to nothin'!  Aa meen, how do yoo replace Rafa? (Joke Kinnear for the 3rd time perhaps?)--divvint rule it oot under the current chaotic regime!

Rafa isn't the anly one to be treated with total contempt--ask Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer AND 52,000 loyal fans!

When the club celebrated wor 125th anniversary in December 2017 they paraded former players on the pitch before the game with Lestaa City, but both record goal scorer Alan Shearer and club legend Kevin Keegan were conspicuous by their absence!

Shearer woz actually in a private box in 'The Milburn Stand' that game and 'watched on' az the players milked the applause on the pitch!---He and Keegan yoo see, wornt invited az they had dared to criticise the shambolic runnin' of the club!---And Keegan of course had sued--and won a case against the club for hiz chaotic dismissal.
"It's not like it said in the brochure!", waz hiz partin' shot at 'The Fat Controller'!

The bar  underneath 'The Gallowgate End' named 'Shearer's woz aalso changed to 'NINE', to 'get back' at wor record goal scorer and they wouldn't even allow a statue of him to be within the stadium boundary and so it stands on a block of demolished toilets on Barrack Road!?

It's aall so pig heeded, sad and unnessesary az the NUFC hierarchy shud show some respect to former players and managers! We shud aalso be fightin' for honours and European futbaall and not a potential THORD (3rd!) relegation under 'The Fat Controller's leadership?

And ask yourself this very important question:
"WOT THE HELL HAVE WE DONE TO DESORVE HIM!?"

Monday, 24 June 2019

Sunday, 23 June 2019

THE FINAL CURTAIN!?

Posted '10:30am bells' Sunday 23rd Joon 2019



With just one week of Rafa's contract to gan, we will find oot wor fate!---and it doesnt look good!

Rafa Benitez:

"And now the end is near--and so I face the final curtain!
I've done my level best--to keep us up--and that's for certain!
I love Newcastle fans--but I hate 'The Fat Controller'!
And I'm afraid to say--in 7 days--it could be over!"



Friday, 21 June 2019

TOON ST'RIP OFF'!

Posted '1:59pm bells' Friday 21st Joon 2019

It has been revealed by wor 'little sister' 'The Times' of London, that NUFC's new home shirt iz the most expensive in The Premyaa Leegue at an eye waaterin' £65 for a large, short sleeved adult shirt!

The club tell us that its "A tribute" to the Fairs Cup winning shirt from 1969?, but it looks nowt like it and iz one of the worst Toon shirts we have ever seen!
One thick black stripe doon the front and two thick white stripes to each side with the rest 'aall black' iz nothing like the 1969 iconic version and already fans have said they won't buy it!
Who are they tryin' to kid?
IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

THE FAIRS CUP SHIRT FROM 1969
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!?

Meeenwhile!---and az you'd expect!---there iz absolutleee NEE news aboot Rafa's contract, which runs oot in 9 days----the possible takeower---or any new incomin' players----but "YES!" come and buy wor new extortionately priced home shirt, "yoo gullible idiots!"

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

FAIRS CUP FOLLY! *** SOME 'TRIBUTE'!

Posted '4:17pm bells' Wedinzday 19th Joon 2019
1969

NUFC have just released pictures of wor new strip for the 2019-2020 season, claimin' that the design is very similar and "A TRIBUTE" to the Fairs Cup winning strip of 1969?

We leave you to draw your own conclusions!😳
2019

1969

*

Monday, 17 June 2019

"WHATS'S SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE!"

Posted '3:55pm bells' Munday 17th Joon 2019

'The Geordie Times' haz hord from 2 different reliable sauces that 'Rafa the Gaffer' haz cleared hiz desk after a suprize visit to wor trainin' groond in Benton last week!


Sunday, 16 June 2019

"IT MAKES YOO WANT TO ***** !


Posted '10:38am bells' Sunday 16th Joon 2019

The latest rumours to come oot of NUFC are that Rafa haz cleared his desk in hiz office and that somethin' will be annoonced on Wedinzday aboot the impendin' takeower!

Iz this is just anothaa vicious rumour to add to the previous hundred(s)? OR should we take it with a pinch of salt!???

Can't wait for Wedinzday now! (Or not az the case may be!)

Meeenwhile NUFC have released the followin' statement aboot the above rumours!
THE NEW NUFC CLUB SPOKESMAN!

Friday, 14 June 2019

OFF THE RAILS!

Posted '4:38pm bells' Friday 14th Joon 2019
OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!
(IZ THAT WOR BELOVED OWNER 'THE FAT CONTROLLER'?)


Toon fans are facin' a travel nightmare on the teams 2nd away game of the season---accordin' to wor local rag 'The Ronny Gill'

We are due to travel to King's Cross on the bank holiday weekend  where we play Sporz at their new London abode, BUT aall trains from the north east terminate at Peterborough that weekend because King's Cross iz CLOSED!

Network Rail haz given the followin' advice: 'On Saturday and Sunday there will be no trains between Peterborough/Cambridge and London King's Cross!
You are advised NOT TO TRAVEL!---Customers are advised to travel on Thursday, Friday, and Tuesday for this weekend!'

Not much cop if the game iz on Saturday, Sunday or Munday---IZ IT!?

There are ways aroond this however, by catchin' a train to Chesterfeeeld or Sheffeeeld---and then onward to St Pancras Station not far from King's Cross!
A little inconveeeniant, but it's the anly way to dee it--apart from drivin' (not advisable on a bank holiday!)
The trains WILL be 'rammed' however, so mek sure yi book a seat!

Thursday, 13 June 2019

NUFC APPOINT A NEW SPOKESMAN!

Posted '4:56pm bells' Thorsday 13th Joon 2019

NUFC have just appointed a new spokesman to communicate with supporters aboot Rafa, new players and possible new owners! 

NUFC FIXTURES 2019-2020

Posted '1:30pm bells' Thorsday 13th Joon 2019 (anly 4 and a half hours late!)

"SO IT WOZ FAKE NEWS!"

The 'leaked' fixture list yesterday for the new season woz 'fake news' and we will host 'The Arse' at home on a Sunday for live telly and NOT 'The Toffee Noses of Evaatin', away, as woz wrangly leaked!

NUFC Games 'cast in stone' that CANNIT be moved!
Just 2 so far!--The forst and last games of the season!
Sun 11th August: 'The Arse' at home '2:00 bells' live on SKY
Sun  17th May: 'The Liverbirds' at home '3:00 bells'
Telly dates for the rest of August and September are due to be released on 5th July---but divvint haad yer breath!



*36 games oot of the 38 are subject to change


*After wor game v 'The Arse' we then travel to the newly promoted 'Canary Custard Creams of Norwich' the following Saturday?(hopefully) and then anothaa away game the week after that, which will delight 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', when we travel to Sporz new abode in "Norf Landan!" for the very forst time!

We finish off August when we host Wotfaad who were slaughtered 6-0 in the FA Cup final against 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester'!

We then must travel to Anfield where we face Champions Leegue winners Liverpoool, who we host on the very last day of the season in May (hope they don't need to beat us to win the Leegue!?)

Ower the festive period we must travel to 'The Theatre of Muppets' on Boxin Day? to face Moan United and on New Years Day? we are at home to 'The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa'!

Of course---aall games are subject to change for live telly and opponents who are in European action!

We fully expect that 30 of wor games will be moved for live telly! (One aalready v 'The Arse' in wor forst game of the season!)

Aaall this in the wake of the total chaos and confusion which haz engulfed NUFC once again, az we still divvint naa who wor manager will be or who will own us, when the new season kicks off in 2 months time!? (Nee new players signed so far, eethaa!)

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