Friday, 31 August 2018

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON *** TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted '12:40pm bells' Friday 31st August 2018

We gan into the month of September withoot a win in August and face current champs Man City for wor 5th live telly game in a row so far this season!
'The Blue Moonies' are unbeaten of course and wor tactics will be to park an artic across the penalty box with Rondon a lone striker up front!

Not many people give us any hope of even scorin' a goal, but dafter things have happened!

The plan tomorrow iz to get a train to Durham,  cadge a lift off 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' (who lives near there), find a few bars and get completely comotosed before the game, in trepidation of what's aboot to happen at '5:30pm bells in east Manchester!

More to follow later, plus match report and pix to follow on Sunday!
(Dependin' on the result!)

Thursday, 30 August 2018

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB 3 THE TOON 1 *** LEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND 2018-2019

Posted '1:50pm bells' Thorsday 30th August 2018

"LEEGUE CUP DISASTER DAYS!---CONTINUED!--- UNABAITED!"

The competition we just 'love to hate' proved once again that we are nee match for lower leegue opposition!

Havin lost to Forest last season az well at the same roond we will have at least 4 blank midweeks to twiddle wor thumbs until Xmas!

My 'hate affair' in this competition gans back ower 43 years when we were knocked oot by Chester in 1975 at their old Sealand Road groond--- and ever since it haz been disaster after disaster in this competition! (We DID get to the final next season--but lost of course!---since 1976 we havvent got past Xmas in the competition!)

Wor day started off at '2 pm bells' when 'Big Al' (not the sheet metal workers son!) picked me up in hiz jam jar, alang with 'International Russcue' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and off we set to Nottingham!

'Big Al' had a brainwave and said it would be easier to gan to a park and ride just of the M1 and get a tram into the city centre az Nottingham iz notorious for traffic jams!

So we heeded for a place called Pheonix Park and caught the tram which of course avoids roads and haz a traffic free run into Nottingham!

The tram stopped aboot 10 minutes doon the line and we got off to get a connectin' tram to wor destination!
WRANG!---we asked an inspector where to get the next tram from and he uttered the dreaded words!
"There's a replacement BUS SERVICE as they are workin' on the line further down!", he telt us!

Ne mention that there woz a replacement bus service half way doon the line!

After jumpin off the tram and onto a double decker bus, we then had to jump off again to catch anothaa tram!
The tram-bus-tram eventually arrived at wor destination and we then had a 15 minute waalk to a boozer near Forest's groond on the banks of the River Trent!
BREWHOOSE & KITCHEN BOOZER

We anly had an hours drinkin time before the match because of this fiasco and stopped there til it woz time to gan and 'face wor punishment' in the away section of the groond! (nee time for a 'pub crawl'!)

And 'punishment it waz' az 'The Friar Tuck Mob' took the lead in the forst minute through former Toon player Daryl Murphy, az wor shambles of a team, which included several new boys, couldn't 'gel' or get to grips with the game and disaster loomed!

We just couldn't get oot of 1st gear and aall looked lost, but we had an ace up wor sleeves!
Salomon Rondon then came on in the 82nd minute for the ineffective Joselu and 2 mins into stoppage time he hit hit a raspin' shot across the box and the baall hit the far corner of the net, with their keeper well beaten. This sent the 3,000 strong Toon Army in The Bridgford End into raptures behind that goal!---a penalty shootout woz now on the cards!
WRANG AGAIN!---Of course this IZ NUFC and we shot worsels in the foot az Forest went up to the far Trent End and scored a 2nd goal straight away!

Perez woz then punched in the face by the Forest keeper in the box, (a definite penalty!) but the ref waved 'play on' and the home side went back up the pitch and scored again in the 97th minute to send us and the team to the exit gates!

We had the same hassle gettin' back to wor car (tram-replacement bus-tram) and eventually got onto the motorway one and a qwaataa hours after the match had finished!

Of course the M1 motorway woz closed forthaa up near Sheffield for roadworks (it HAD to be!) and we had to divort through  Sherwood Forest on the A614 to get onto the A1 (nee sign of Friar Tuck or Robin Hood though!)

We got back at just after 2am bells---anothaa 'Disaster Day' in more ways than one, to add to the (very!) lang list!

Team line up: Darlow, Sterry, Schar, Fernandez(Perez 69), Clark, Atsu, Ki, Langstaff, Kenedy, Muto (Murphy 77), Joselu (Rondon 82)

Attendance: 13,942 (3,000 thoroughleee p*ssed off Toon fans!)

*PS: Since the competition started 58 years ago in 1960, we have anly got past the 5th roond ONCE!---exitin' the Leegue Cup before Xmas on every occasion apart from 1976 when we reached the final!---a truly shockin' record!



Tuesday, 28 August 2018

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB v THE TOON *** LEEGUE CUP 2ND ROOND!

Posted '3:50pm bells' Tuesday 28th August 2018

"WHY DON'T THEY JUST TOSS A COIN!?"

Tomorrow neet we heed for Sherwood Forest country where we are takin on Nottm Forest at The City Groond in the Leegue (Caraboa) Cup at '7:45 bells for wor 4th live telly game of the season so far! (Oot of 4!)

We fully expect that both teams will field serverly weakened sides to avoid injuries to key players!
Forest, because they are gannin for promotion from The Championship---And NUFC because we dont want to end up back there, come next May!

Big Al (not the the sheet metal workers son!) said that they, "May as well toss a coin!" to see who gans through to the next roond, az neethaa of us have any chance of winnin it once 'the big guns' enter at the 3rd roond stage!

Better still, why dont they play the 1st and 2nd roonds pre season instead of meaningless friendlies against the likes of St Patricks Athletic or Ausburg!?

NUFC have been allocated 4,000 tickets, but we fully expect that anly half that number will travel doon!

A full Geordie Times match and pub crawl report will appear here sometime on Thorsday!

Updated '10:00pm bells', Tuesday

The farce of The Leegue Cup woz laid bare when it woz reveeeled that ower 160 changes were made to Tuesday's 21 ties line ups from the weekend leegue fixtures, includin' Joey Barton's Fleetwood, who made ELEVEN changes from Saturday.  They lost 4-0 at Lestaa!

Perhaps they should rename it, 'The Reserves Leegue Cup'!😨

WHERE IN TOON? **** ANSWER!

Posted '11:00am bells' Tuesday 28th August 2018
"WHERE AM I?"

Did you get the answer to wor pub quiz yesterday?

We asked you where this pub woz in Toon!

We got NEE correct answers?
The top prize woz that yoo would have the privaledge of buyin aall my ale at the next Toon home game!

And the answer iz!

I am puzzled az to why neebody got the reet answer!?

Monday, 27 August 2018

THE TOON 1 CHELSKI OAPs 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 27th August 2018
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

"NO TRIUMPH IN DEFENCE!"

Three new debutants were in the startin' line up with six changes to the team that drew at Cardiff last week! (namely: Schar, Ki, Fernandez) 
Rafa set wor stall oot from the start by playin' 5 at the back to try and contain Chelski's attackin' force!
It nearly worked, but a Yedlin own goal just 3 mins from time at The Leazes End sealed wor fate and 'The Chelski Pensioners' (their nickname in the 1960s!) ran oot desorved winners!

Rondon played up front on hiz own and didn't get the service he desorved. Missin' were Lascelles and Shelvey through injury (we were telt?) 

Somehow we contained them for 76 minutes but a dubious penalty given against debutant Schar woz put away by Hazard at The Leazes End, and aall looked lost!

Sub Joselu (who had come on for Rondon) had othaa ideas and heeded home at the near post just 7 mins later to send the crowd wild!
THE TOON ATTACK 'THE GALLOWGATE END' DURIN' THE 2nd HALF


However!---there woz a cruel twist in this tale az within 4 minutes of Joselu's goal, Yedlin put through hiz own goal and aall woz lost!

Do we reeely have to play like this at home by defensive meenz to try and get a result?
Chelski had 81% possession  to wor 19%!

The failure to sign some proven players iz comin' home to roost now and the club's motto: 'Fortiter defendit triumphans' (triumph in defence!) didn't work this time!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez, Clark, Schar (Muto 79), Dummett, Ritchie, Diame, Ki, Murphy (Perez 73), Rondon (Joselu 62)

Attendance: 51, 791 (3,263 Chelski fans)

*PS: Forest are next in the Leegue Cup on Wednesday followed by an eazy away trip to!------Man City!!!!😨

Where in Toon?:
We ended up in this 'liquid lubrication location' after the match!
But where iz it?


Aall will be reveeeled tomorrow!
Theres a massive prize if u e mail me the correct answer!
U will have the priviledge of buyin' aall my ale at the next Toon home game! (v The Arse!)






Sunday, 26 August 2018

THE TOON v THE CHELSKI OAPs *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '12:35 pm bells' Friday 24th August 2018
THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD
(NOTE THE SIZE OF THE RED DOUBLE DECKER BUS IN COMPARISON)

Wor 2nd home game of the season teks place on Sunday afternooon when Chelski visit St. James' Park in a '4 bells' kick off for live telly (again!)

Amazingleee, we have been unbeaten against 'The Pensioners' (their old nickname in the 1960s) in the last 5 home games---and we won the last one 3-0 in the final home game of last season!
Wor visitors have sold their entire allocation of 3,000 plus tickets, but there are still tickets available for the home sections!

Yedlin iz expected to retorn to the fold, but we have nee idea if new boys, Rondon, Muto, Yueng, Fernandez and Schar will feature in this game, or if Joselu and Perez will start up front!?

Kenedy cant play coz Chelski are hiz parent club and Lejeune of course iz still absent because of a lang torm  injury!

With just one solitary point from wor forst 2 games, we reeely need to get sommik oot of this one az Man City are wor next Premyaa Leegue opponents in 'The City of Manchester Stadium' (its original name!) on Saturday week! (anothaa live telly game!)

With nee Toon game tomorrow, 'The Geordie Times' iz gettin its 'fix' at Federation Park, Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' (Dunston) are takin on Pontefract Pit Yakkers (Pontefract Colliers) from Yorkshire, in an FA Cup preliminary tie at '3:00 bells'

Updated Sunday mornin':
A match report on the Dunston game iz below and the NUFC repory will appear here in due course!

BAD BLUE BOYS 4 PONTEFRACT PIT YAAKERS 2 *** FA CUP PRELIMINARY ROOND

Posted '9:55am bells' Sunday 26th August 2018

Fitzpatrick penalty at
 'The Tea Hut End'
to make it 2-2 to 
'The Bad Blue Boys'
(In 'blue'!)

A thrillin' game in from of 240 odd fans at Federation Park saw Dunston beat Pontefract Colliers in this FA Cup tie, with 2 goals from Fitzpatrick and 1 a piece from Heslop and Nellis!

A 'see saw game' saw both sides in front at various stages, but it woz 'The Bad Blue Boys' who eventually came oot on top with 2 goals near the end of the game to put them 3-2 up after losin 2-1
The final nail in 'The Pit Yaakers' coffin woz hammered in deep into stoppage time when Nellis made it 4-2 to the home side and progress to the 2nd prelimanary roond!

Thats 2 roonds off the forst roond proper on the (very lang!) road to Wembley!

PS: This woz Dunston's 2nd win in the FA Cup this season, havin' seen off Hebburn 3-2 in the extra preliminary roond orlier this month!

Thursday, 23 August 2018

FORST VISIT TO CARDIFF CITY STADIUM, ARCHIVE REPORT

 Posted '4:25pm bells' Thorsday 23rd August 2018
Cardiff City Stadium az it looked in 2009
(Since expanded)

I have eventually 'dug up' the match report from mee forst ever visit to Cardiff's new stadium 9 years ago!
I woz gannih publish it last week to coincide with wor game at Cardiff last Saturday, but couldn't find the report!
Better late than never! 

272 cardiff city stadium, cardiff



(GROUND NUMBER 272)

Date of First Visit: 13th SEPTEMBER 2009

CARDIFF CITY STADIUM, CARDIFF, WALES



CARDIFF CITY  0

NEWCASTLE UNITED  1 (Colloccini)



CHAMPIONSHIP

Attendance: 25,630 (record) (includin’ 2,000 Toon fans)



“TUNNEL VISION!”


It was impossible to get the train doon on the day of the game and mek the kick off as it was a 2 bells Sunday start for the telly (surprize---surprizzzze!) so we opted to fly instead on the Saturday mornin’ and aa arrived at Toon airport in plenty of time for a few ‘gargels’ in the airport bars.

The friendly barmaid asked where aa was heedin’ for and aa telt hor aa was flyin’ to Bristol.



‘The Caped Crusader’ then made his entrance and aa asked him wot time the flight to Bristol was.  He looked at me with incredulity(wot ever that meens?) and then replied “Wih not flyin’ to Bristol---wih flyin’ to Cardiff and then back from Bristol coz that’s the anly way we can de it!” (az yi can probably guess----aa did’nt book the flights!)



After a couple of more gargles, ‘Big Al’, (not! the sheet metal workers son!) ‘Sarnie Steve’, ‘Jimmy the Gaffer’, Russ’ and ‘Mal from Durham’ torned up and it time to catch wor flight to the Welsh capital.

Wor digs were in Bristol so on arrival at Cardiff Airport it was off on a bus to central Cardiff and then a train to ‘yee naa where’ via the Severn tunnel (the bus jorney took an hour which was actually langer than the flight!)







“MANCHESTER U’re JOKIN’!”



Some of the ‘very sad groundhoppers’ amongst us decided to get off the train at Newport to take in a game and add to their ‘non Newcastle groundhoppin’ records’,while the rest of us heeded for Bristol to dump wor bags at the hotel and gan ‘on the hoy’! (aa refuse to gan to any new groond unless The Toon or mee local club Dunston Fed are playin’!)

After much street wanderin’ we eventually foond a boozer and settled doon for a few ‘liquids’ as Spurs were playin’ Man U in the teatime game on Sky.



The bar was canny full as the match kicked off and within a few minutes Spurs scored to a muffled cheer from a handful of the punters. However!!!---when Man U equalised a huge ‘gloryhuntin’ roar enveloped the pub and for a moment aa thought aa was in central Manchester and not central Bristol!!!---it was unreal!---is it any wonder that Bristol Rovers and City have such poor support for the size of the place (Bristol is aboot twice the size of Newcastle) when the locals jump on the Manchester gravy train! (ne wonder they’re hated so much!)

Anyway!—the Mancs won 3-1 (much to the delight of the Bristolians!) and we ended up dein a ‘toby’ aroond the rest of the bars for the neet time session after joinin’ up again with the ‘hoppers’ who had visited Newport Coonty’s groond.



Next day was match day of course and after a rather large ‘help yersel buffet breakfast’ in the hotel (well TWO actually!---as aa was feelin’ a bit peckish!) it was back to the station roond the corner from the hotel to catch the orly train back to Cardiff via the Severn tunnel again.



Cardiff fans of course do have a reputation and we did’nt naa wot to expect when we arrived there so it was a pleasent surprise to find that there was ne hassle as we heeded for the forst waaterin’ hole not far from the station. (another reason was that there were a canny few radgy Toon fans knockin’ aboot and locals mustn’t have ‘fancied it’!)

A few gargles later and it was time to hail a black cab and heed for the stadium which was a fair hike away. (a twenty minute waalk!)



The spankin’new groond was within hocklin’ distance of their aad ‘shabby’ Ninian Park groond which was just ‘ower the road’ across a tree lined park. The aad groond was yet to be bulldozed and was still standin’, albeit with a few windows smashed and tiles missin’ from the main stand roof  (soon to be torned into a hoosin’ estate we were telt)



The stadium predictably was the same sort of design as many of the new’ins, although to be fair it did have plenty of room inside the concourses and the ‘tool-sheds’ were big enough to accommodate the ‘Toon Army weak bladder brigade’, unlike some of the other nettys where you are crammed in like sardines and end up ‘havin’ an impromptu  ‘slash’ on someones ‘skeets’ who is standin’ next to you!. 



The Toon had a followin’ of 2,000 in the ‘alleged’ selloot crowd, but!--- there were plenty of empty seats in the main stand opposite us as the game kicked off? which brought the predictable ‘empty seats’ chants from wor lot



The Toon started off at a roarin’ pace and this paid off in the 18th minute when lone striker er! ‘The Lone Ranger’ heeded a cross back across the goal to Ryan Taylor who then lobbed the baall to Coloccini who in torn heeded an unstoppable effort past the ootstreched Marshall in the Cardiff goal to give us the lead. It was the Argentineans forst goal in 43 starts and did’nt he celebrate!---(and so did we of course!)



This was the way it stayed till half time and in the second period the home side tried in vain to hit back but we battled away and held on to take the 3 points. That was 5 wins on the bounce and 5 clean sheets as well, which was a new club record. (well done lads!)

The anly sour point was the sendin’ off of Alan Smith deep into injury time for a second bookable offence, but it was a happy Toon Army who left at the end of the game.



We then made wor way back to the station to catch the train back to Bristol (again!)  and heed through wor ‘fave tunnel’ for the thord and last time.



After a few ‘liquid lubrications’ in the city centre it was time to heed for Bristol Airport  to catch the flight back yem at ‘nine bells’

A Toon fan caalled ‘Scud’ who was on the same flight as us, telt us that the Cardiff fans  could’nt believe that the Toon fans had waalked aboot in their black n white tops, as ne away fans dared de that for fear of bein’ ambushed. ‘Scuds’ answer was short and straight to the point---“We’re Geordies mannn!”, he replied to the bemused Welshman!



Footnote:

Aa later foond oot that the reason the main stand had unsold seats was because Cardiff were chargin’ £ 65 to sit in them!





©Fink (the mad-sad grundhpper!)






















"A PAT ON THE BACK---OR!---A KICK UP THE ARSENAL!"

Posted '2:35pm bells' Thorsday 23rd August 2018
Lets hope its a TARANTULA!

So, 'arse licker' 'The Poison Dwarf' (aka) 'Denis the Menace' haz said that wor beloved owner 'The Fat Controller' deserves "a pat on the back" for hiz runnin' of wor club.
TWO relegations since 2009 and yet anothaa relegation battle looms in the comin season due to hiz scrouge mentality!
So just how wor absent owner deserve 'a pat' iz beyond us!

More like "A KICK UP THE ARSENAL!" if yoo ask us!

Wednesday, 22 August 2018

THE FOLLY OF THE WALLY WITH THE BROLLY!

Posted '2:36pm bells' Wednesday 22nd August 2018

I see that one of wor former 'duck egg' managers who woz appointed by 'The Fat Controller', haz created a new 97 year record at hiz current club QPR by losin' the forst 4 games!

After their crunchin' 7-1 defeat to WBA on Saturday the players were told by 'The Wally with the Brolly' to "get their fingers out!" and get a result against Bristol City last neet!
They DID and anly lost 3-0 this time at Loftus Road, which meeenz its QPRs worst start to a leegue season since 1921 when they joined the leegue!

Divvint 'fink' he will last much langer in THAT job!---do yoo!    

Tuesday, 21 August 2018

POSSIBLE NEW GROOND FOR THE NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Tuesday 21st August 2018
RODNEY PARADE, NEWPORT COONTY AFC

Havin' spent the Friday night in Newport before wor game at Cardiff last Saturday, we might be gannin back there sooner than expected az NUFC U23s have been drawn against eethaa NEWPORT COONTY or Notts Coonty in the Premyaa Leegue Cup draw!
The above teams must play each othaa on Wednesday 29th August for the chance to play us home and away---(The same day that wor 1st team are away to Forest in the Leegue Cup)

And yoo can bet your 'bottom dollar' that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be rootin' for Newport, az we have never been to their groond before (whereaz we HAVE been to Notts Coonty's groond on several occasions!)

NUFC U23s must aalso play Sooothampton and Leeedz in the 'Group 'H' draw---where of course we have been te many times before az well!

Monday, 20 August 2018

TOON U23s v SMBs U23s **** TOONEET @ SJP!

Posted '1:15pm bells' Munday 20th August 2018
Updated '9:30pm bells'
LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE EAST STAND FROM LEAZES PARK ROAD

A rare Tyne/wear home derby takes place tooneet when wor U23s play their U23s in a Leegue encoontaa at 'The Cathedral on the Hill'!

The East Stand will be open and season ticket holders get in for nowt!
Kick off iz at '7:00 bells' and a smaall crowd iz anticipated!
It's £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs etc. who don't have season tickets

Full time score will appear here after '9:00pm bells'!


Updated '9:30pm bells'

"WHEY AYE-EEE FIVE 'O'!"

TOON U23s 5 (FIVE!)   SMBs U23s 0

Some joyous news after Saturdays debacle in sooth Wales!
Wor U23s slaughtered the mackems 5-0 at St James' Park tooneet in front of 3,338 delighted fans!

Goals from Bailey, Roberts, Soreneson and a brace from Charman sealed a great victory ower those minnows from Leegue 1!

"HOWAY THE LADS!"😊

Sunday, 19 August 2018

THE TAFFY NOSES 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:45am bells' Sunday 19th August 2018
(Will be updated throughoot the day)
The definin' moment of the game!
Kenedy's weak penalty iz easily saved!



"COME IN NUMBER 9!"  

The biggest mystery in this trueleeee shockin' performance in sooth Wales, woz the absence of new signings Solomon Rondon and Fabian Schar?

We reeely divvint naa wot to say, but I would put this in mee top 10 of worst performances from  a Toon team since I started supportin them way back in the 'swingin sixties'!

The startin line up with Joselu and Perez up front woz mystifyin to the 2,000 fans in the away end, az it doesn't work?


Passes gannin astray from both teams and inactivity anywhere near the goals woz absolute torture to watch and Kenedy in particular didnt seem to make any through passes in the entire game!

The referee Pawson had az poor game az well with nearly every challenge gannin against us! (Perhaps he shud change hiz name to POORson!)

Hayden woz sent of at the mid point of the 2nd half ,for a crunchin tackle on a Cardiff player, which made it even more difficult for us!

And then salvation!---or so we thought!--- when a penalty woz awarded to us in the 6th minute of stoppage time for a hand baall in the box!

Kenedy, who'd had a dreadful game az mentioned, grabbed the baall from Shelvey and then hit a weak shot to the left of their keeper, who saved easily to send The Taffys wild and The Geordies into dispair!

There's one thing for certain---Cardiff , (who never had one shot on target that we can remember?) were terrible az well and WILL be relegated!
So where does that leave us with anly 2 matches played?

With games against Chelski, the 2 manc clubs, and 'The Arse' comin up, "There may be trouble ahead!"


On the train back yem
we bumped into a very
famous person!





Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo (Hayden 46), Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Ritchie(Murphy 70), Shelvey, Diame, Kenedy, Perez (Muto 65), Joselu

Attendance: 30,720 (Anly 2,000 Toon fans!)
The empty blue and white seats are in the away section!---
We couldn't sell aall wor tickets!
Disillusion haz set in aalready! 


PS: The most amazin thing aboot wor pre season travels to Barrow, Ireland, Cornwall, Portugal and wor 1st competitive away game in Wales, iz the fact that we have never needed to wear a coat, az it haz hardly rained at aall! (It did rain durin yesterday's match, but had stopped before the end!)
Shirt sleeves every one---so far!

Away pub crawl pix
9 'liquid lubrication locations' visited in total!


Manchester---between trains!

Manchester

Newport---owerneet stay

Newport


Newport

Newport

Cardiff

Cardiff

Cardiff

Cardiff


Cardiff (post match)



Friday, 17 August 2018

THE TAFFY NOSES v THE TOON *** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

Posted '10:45am bells' Friday 17th August 2018
THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE---
ATSU (IN WHITE WITH ARM RAISED) SCORES WOR
1st GOAL FROM A FREE KICK IN A 2-0 WIN 
DURIN' WOR LAST PROMOTION SEASON! (2016-17)

WE are off on wor travels for the forst Premyaa Leegue away game of the season tomorrow when we heed for the Welsh capital city!

A dinnaatime kick off (for live telly of course!) meenz that we must travel today to be sure of makin the kick off!

Cardiff are favourites for a retorn back to The Championship and reeely we must get sommik oot of this game, az there are a canny few hard games on the horizon (Chelski, Man C, Man U and The Arse!)
With several players due to make their dubuts for us, it will be a good test to see just how good we are in the battle to avoid the drop!

A full match report will appear here sometime on Sunday---alang with a pub crawl report from Newport (where we are stayin) and of course from Cardiff, in wor quest to de 100 away pubs/clubs this season
(scroll doon this page for an article on that!)----
'THE 100 AWAY PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE!'



Thursday, 16 August 2018

IT'S THE FRIAR TUCK MOB!----AGAIN!

Posted '9:40pm bells' Thorsday 16th August 2018
         Somewhere in Sherwood forest near                                          Nottingham.
      "HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS ROBIN?--
    FOREST PLAY THE GEORDIES AT THE CITY                 GROUND IN THE CARABAO CUP!"

The draw for the 2nd roond of The Leegue Cup (Carabao Cup) haz been made and for the 2nd season in a row we face The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham in the 2nd roond!

Last year we played them at home and lost 3-2!
This time its away at their place at the end of this month!

Updated on Friday at '4:30pm bells', on the train to sooth Wales from Manchester, where we had to change on wor way to sooth Wales for the Cardiff game!😨


Wor game at Forest haz been picked for live telly on Wednesday 29th August at '7:45 bells'!

"I HAVE A DREAM!----AND A NIGHTMARE!"

Posted '12:45pm bells' Thorsday 16th August 2018

The draw for the 2nd roond of The Leegue Cup (Carabao Cup) takes place tooneet at '7:00 bells' and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be dreamin' that its  an away game on a groond we haven't been te before! 
The draw could pair us with a lower leegue team in the northern section draw and so the possibility of a dream away tie at Rochdale, Fleetwood or Macclesfield iz a possibility! (Groonds we have nevaa been te!)

The nightmare scenario iz an away tie at some sh*thole we have been te before, like Stoke, Blackborn, The Smoggies or (god forbid!) The SMBs (shud they get through!)
PS: This roond isnt seeded like last season, so we could aalso get a northern/midland based Premyaa Leegue team who are not in Europe. (They come in at the 3rd roond stage!)

NUFC are ball number 17 in the draw!

Fingers (and toes!) crossed!

Tuesday, 14 August 2018

JOYOUS NEWS FOR AALL TOON FANS!

Posted '1:20pm bells' Tuesday 14th August 2018 πŸ˜…

"LET THE CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!"

Joyous news reaches 'The Geordie Times' that Rickity George, who scored 'that FA Cup goal' in 1972, haz been jailed for 2 years for money laundering, after defrauding hiz victim oot of qwaataa of a million quid in a sham hoose sale! (Hiz victim subsequently had a heart attack!)

Hiz miscreant son woz aalso jailed for hiz part in the fraud!

This will teach him for makin' wor lives a misery everytime the FA Cup 3rd roond draw iz made!---Will Motson and the BBC never let us forget???

AT LAST!---JUSTICE FOR THE TOON FANS WHO WERE AT THAT FATEFUL GAME 46 YEARS AGO! (I woz there!😨)

GET THE BUBBLY OOT!  (Broon ale of course!)

"LET THE PARTY BEGIN!"πŸ˜…

PS: Wish 'I' woz the judge!
He would have got 46 years hard labour!
The time we have suffered!😨

Sunday, 12 August 2018

ON THIS DAY FORTY YEARS AGO!

Posted 4:00pm bells' Sunday 12th August 2018

On this day in 1978 we played Berwick Ramgers in a pre season friendly!

THE BATTLE OF  BERWICK 1978!
(Match report below   ground number 44)

044 shielfield park berwick


(GROUND NUMBER 44)
Date of First Visit: 12th AUGUST 1978
SHIELFIELD PARK, BERWICK UPON TWEED

BERWICK RANGERS 0

NEWCASTLE UNITED XI- 1 (Blackhall)


FRIENDLY? FIXTURE
ATTENDANCE: 1,780 (1,000 Toon fans) (inc. 100 radgies!)






"THE BATTLE OF BERWICK 1978!"

Somewhere near  'The Brown Bear'  boozer--Berwick 




'The Waterloo Wobblers' met up at the 'Central' tih catch the orly train tih Berwick for this pre-season 'friendly'.


'The Wobblers' az we were affectionately known in them days, (coz wih often foond it hard tih waalk in a straight line after an 'aall day bender'!) used tih drink in the aad Waterloo bar on the corner of Westgate Road and Bath lane, not far from St. James', and a good torn oot was expected for the short trip north tih Tweedmooth.

(The Waterloo was opposite 'Tilly's Bar' and has lang since been demolished!)

Amongst the assembled crew that day were such weird and wonderfully named characters like, 'Windy' Wind, 'Jimmy The Mask', 'Santy' Sant, (nee relation tih that white bearded fella!) 'Dylan' (Paulus the Woodgnome) Younger, 'Bob The Bag', 'Mad Mac', 'Lang haired Mac', 'Fawlty Dowaz', Marty 'Eggs 'n' Bacon' Faichen, Johnny 'The Streaker' Burns and of course meesel, aka: 'Fink', the writer of this 'piece'!. (Aalthough, 'Fink' iz 'hardly a 'wierd name'---iz it!?)


A reet 'mottley crew' of 'twenty somethings', aalthough not aall would retorn from the Scottish borders that day.

(read on!)

Aaltogether, Berwick has changed hands between the English and Scots nee fewer than *14 times, in the centuries of bloody conflict between the two warin' nations with the forst 'Battle of Berwick' takin' place in 1296

(*or was it 17 times?---history wasn't one of mee favourite subjects at skool!)

The last time it changed hands was in the 1300's (mee thinks?) when the English retook the border toon and it haz remained in England ever since.


HOWEVER!--for one brief period on 12th August 1978 it changed hands once again!, this time tih the GEORDIE INVADERS!, who had come there en-mass for the 'friendly'? match between Berwick and a Newcastle XI.


The waaterin' holes in the centre of Berwick were packed with Toon fans who had completely took ower the place!, and by the time kick off approached ower the bridge in Tweedmooth there were a canny few 'wheelbarrow jobs' amongst the Geordie 'foot-soldiers'!. (Meesel includeed!)

This game was played at the height of futbaall aggro, when, wherever yih went there was likely tih be trouble, and this match proved tih be nee exception.
Ootside 'The Brown Bear' boozer in the toon centre there was a standoff between 'The Geordies Invaders' and 'The Berwickshire Dibbles' and before lang aall hell broke loose as truncheons were drawn and bricks were thrown as a pitched battle, not unlike that of seven hundred years ago then ensued (slight exaggeration!) before everybody realised that it was in fact 'match time' and aall of a sudden the fightin' stopped as 'The Geordie Invaders' staggered ower 'The Tweed' towards Shielfield Park!


"FANCY DRIBBLE RULED OFFSIDE!"


Aaltogether, play was stopped three times az the Toon fans invaded the pitch.
On one occasion a 'Dibble' was kicked in the heed az a hundred fans (a tenth of the Toons travellin' support) climbed ower the wire fence and aall hell broke loose.

One of the 'Wobblers', namely, 'Marty', who was 'canny sorved' decided tih join in the game when an injury to a Toon player in the second half stopped the game for several minutes.


He vaulted ower the low perimeter fence and took the baall off a startled Berwick defender who was standin' near the touchline.


He then procceeded tih bamboozle the opposition with a mazzy run az he made off doon the pitch towards the Rangers goal!.


After some breathtakingly daft dribblin' (that's reet---DAFT dribblin'---NOT!---deft!) he beat a forther three players who attempted tih stop him (one, with a 'failed' rugby tackle!) before roondin' their keeper and cooly slottin' the baall intih the empty net!. (Which iz sommik that the Toon players had'nt managed aall afternoon!)


This brought thunderous applause and laughter from the Toon fans, BUT!, the local 'Dibble' did'nt see the 'funny side' and he was 'sent off', alang with 'Fawlty Dowaz' and several other members of the 'Waterloo Wobblers' who had joined him on the pitch!. ('Sent off' tih the nearest 'meat wagon', that iz!)


And aall they got for their troubles was a neet in the Berwick 'COP'thorne Hotel, plus a 100 quid fine intih the bargain! (With inflation, that's 700 'smackaroonies' in todayz money!)


Oh! yes!---ah nearly forgot aboot the MATCH!---up until Marty's intervention, it had been a typical pre-season 'run-aboot' and it did'nt 'liven up' again till ten minutes before time, when Ray Blackhall rose magnificently ower the Rangers defence tih heed home a Ralph Callachan corner, which sealed the victory for the 'Black 'n' Whites'.


('Er'!---that meenz that wih actually won TWO-nil---does'nt it???) (Memo: 'Must cut doon on the alcohol intake')


After the match there was more fightin' in the streets, az wih made wor way back tih Berwick toon centre and total mayhem in the train station az wih waited for the 'Cannon Baall Express' tih tek wih back tih Tyneside, with quite a few more Toon fans gettin' their 'collars felt before they made the train'!.


(It was later said that this was the worst trouble that the border toon had seen since Berwick had famously beaten Glasgow giants Rangers 11 years previously in a Scottish Cup tie)


Infact!---this game had been a prelude for wor forst league game of the season at Millwall the followin' week---a 'practice' run yih could say?, for wor visit tih 'The DEN of iniquity!'-----(We would not be disappointed!) (see ground number 45!)




The local papers said it aall aboot 'Marty's' 'wonder goal':


''FANCY DRIBBLE RULED OFFSIDE!'-"--the Jawnil's heedline screamed!, az it went on tih describe his dribblin' 'technique'!
So?---the final score WAS anly ONE-NIL after AALL!
'-----BUT!----Hang on a minute!---he couldn't! have been offside!---He was in his AAN! half of the pitch when he got the baall!.!
---TWO-NIL! TIH THE TOON!
"---(I REST MY CASE!)

FINAL REVISED SCORE:


BEWICK RANGERS 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED XI- 2 (Faitchen, Blackhall)



EPITATH:
Marty sadly passed away suddenly just before Christmas 2002, but he will not be forgotten.


For he will gan doon in the annals of Newcastle United's folklore az the anly fan in the clubs lang history tih come on az a 'sub' and score a goal for them in open play!.



"R.I.P. MARTY!"




©Fink ™(the mad-sad grundhpper!)

THE TOON 1 SPORZ 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:36am bells' Sunday 12th August 2018
A TOON FAN HOLDS HIZ HEED IN FRUSTRATION 
AZ A CHANCE GANS 'A BEGGIN' AT THE GALLOWGATE END!

"WOOD' YOO BELEEEEVE IT!"

Non of wor new recruits started this game with Joselu and Perez leadin the line!

It didnt take lang for the forst goal when Sporz took the lead in the 8th minute, when Vertonghen heeded against the bar and onto the goal line at The Gallowgate End!
The ref looked at hiz watch and confirmed that the baall HAD crossed the line and the goal woz given!

It didnt tek lang to find an equaliser thought, when Joselu met a Matt Richie right wing cross and glanced a heeder home at The Leazes End, to send the Toon fans wild, just 3 minutes later!
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

The buzz aroond the groond didnt last lang though az Sporz retook the lead in the 18th minute when an unmarked Deli Alli had a free heeder from close in to give Debravka in The Toon goal nee chance!

We had chances in the 2nd half to equalise again, but the woodwork at The Gallowgate End denied us, when, forst, Diame rattled the left hand post with a pile-driver and thenwor new number 9 Rondon (who had come on midway throught the 2nd half) smashed a shot against the crossbar, but the baall boonced off it in the 85th minute!
In between this Kenedy, who woz clean through unexplicably ' fluffed hiz lines' and woz denied by Lloris in the Sporz goal!
(Muto made hiz debut in the 80th minute, comin' on for Perez)

The same outcome az last season's opener (0-2) but at least we scored this time!

A disappointin' result, but we were very unlucky with the 2 efforts that hit the woodwork! ( but didnt gan in!)
MORE FRUSTRATION AZ WOR NEW NUMBER 9 HAMMERS THE TURF 
JUST AFTER HIZ STUNNIN' SHOT HITS THE BAR! 
RAFA, MEEENWHILE, TELLS US TO FOCUS ON FUTBAALL!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Clark, Lascelles, Diame, Shelvey, Ritchie (Atsu 69), Joselu (Rondon 69), Perez (Muto 80), Kenedy

Attendance: 51,749 (NOT includin' 'The Fat Controller', who haz been missin' from the directors box for 461 days! 
(3,000 Sporz fans)

*PS: Chants against wor absent owner, to, "Get out of our club!" were in vain yet again!---he woz probably in Barbados or somewhere like that!

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