Thursday, 16 July 2020

THE TOON 1 SPORZ 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

 Posted '8:15am bells' Thorsday 16th July 2020
2 LIQUID RESHFRESHMENT BREAKS
1 AT ST. JAMES' PARK AND 1
IN GRANDBAIRNS HOOSE!

"Come on you yellows?"

The expected 8 changes to the Toon line up didnt materialise and anly 3 changes were made to the team that started against Wotfaad last Saturday!

The breakthrough came in the 27th minute with Song scoring for Sporz with a shot which went just inside the post at The Gallowgate End, followin a mistayk by Schar in the Toon defence!

A pinpoint Shelvey cross foond the heed of Dwight Gayle and hiz glancing heeder hit the post, but cruelly rebounded back into play in the 38th minute!
MATT RICHIE GOAL!

And then with 11minutes of the 2nd half played Matt Richie hit a screamer from the edge of the box to level things!

However the lea
d lasted barely 4 minutes as Harry Kane heeded past Dubravka to restore the visitors lead and give Kane hiz 200th career goal!

He aalso put the final nail in wor coffin in the dyin'
embers of the game, with anothaa heeder after Dubravka had palmed a shot in his direction!

A'd watched the match In mee grandbairns hoose, az aa didnt have time to gan to The 3 Bulls as intended, as aa finished work late!

They had crowd noise switched on and I swear that the fantom Sporz fans were singin "Come on you yellows!" (They played in light blue!)
Must make an appointment to get mee hearin' tested!😳

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth, Schar, Fernandez, Yedlin (Lazaro 55), Bentaleb (Matty Langstaff 86), Shelvey, Ritchie, Gayle (Joelinton 69), Saint-Maximin, Almiron

Official attendance in grandbairns hoose: 4!
HALF TIME BREAK
KAI GETS SOME PRATICE IN!
(SPOT THE TOON CREST!)


MAL FROM DARLO'S NUFC MAD SAD TELLYHOPPERS
LIQUID REFRESMENT BREAK!
(OR SHUD THAT BE MAD SAD LAPTOPHOPPERS BREAK?)

*
*


*




*

Wednesday, 15 July 2020

THE TOON V SPORZ *** TEATIME TODAY!

Posted '8:00am bells' Wedinzday 15th July 2020
at Ferrybridg, north Yorkshire (On mee way to Redditch, Worcestershire)

Later today NUFC play the penultimate home game of the season against Sporz.

Wor manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' says that we have quite a few injuries and so the team will be completly different to the ones that faced Man City and Wotfaad in the last week! (At least 8 players are oot, or are doubtful!)


Not sure where we are watchin game today, but a table in 'The 3 Bulls' has been booked and assuming aa get finished graft by '5 15 bells', after mee 'truck run' to Redditch---that's where aa'll watch it!
(If not, aa will have to find somewhere else, due to time restraints!)

A full Geordie Times tellyhoppers report will appear here eventually!

Tuesday, 14 July 2020

"WEAZE 'KEYS' ARE THEAZE!"

Posted '7:25pm bells' Munday 14th July 2020

"NOW WE NAA JUST WHY KEYS DOESN'T WANT THE NUFC TAKEOWER TO HAPPEN!"

Monday, 13 July 2020

QUEEN OF THE SOUTH 1984 *** BIG JACK'S FORST MATCH IN CHARGE OF NUFC

Posted '7:30pm bells' Munday 13th July 2020
BIG JACK SITS IN THE EAST STAND PADDOCK 
JUST AFTER HIZ APPOINTMENT AZ NUFC MANAGER!

Aa met Big Jack Charlton for the forst time---at a half time buffet in hiz forst Toon game in charge in August 1984----and he woz non to pleazed to see me and othaa Toon fans nickin' the scran in the hospitality lounge!

A'v highlighted that paragraph in gold writin' in the archive ground report of that game 36 years ago, which iz printed below!

Big Jack woz indeed a larger than life character in more ways than one, az he towered above us that day!

The anly othaa time aa met him woz  at a friendly at Berwick Rangers a few days later in the car park next to the groond after the game---Jack spoke to me and said he had lost hiz car keys and had locked himsel oot of hiz car!
He then went back into the main reception to see if he could find them!---To this day I have nee idea if he ever foond them!?

R.I.P. Big Jack!

069 palmerston park queen of the south


(GROUND NUMBER 69)
Date of First Visit: 4th AUGUST 1984
PALMERSTON PARK, DUMFRIES, SCOTLAND



QUEEN OF THE SOUTH 1
NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Beardsley)




FRIENDLY FIXTURE
ATTENDANCE 2,000 (500 Toon fans)








GRAND TOUR OF SCOTLAND (Part One)




Mary-queen of the south? 



























"69's THE BEST WAY!"


The Toon's 'Grand Tour of Scotland' in the summer of '84' kicked off at the 'grandly' titled 'Queen of the South' which is situated in the toon of Dumfries a few miles ower the border from Carlisle.
A 'boat load' of us met up at 'the Central' and crammed into the back of a battered tranny van and on the way up we picked 'Grumpy Stumpy' up from his granneez hoose in Throckley.




The van was an 'aad wreck' with nee seats in the back (Er!---apart from a couple of beer crates!) and two of the company who were 'on the hoy' aalready (and who shall remain nameless!) decided that they urgently needed to gan to the 'tool shed' and procceded tih get a 'gypsies kiss' on the side of the van!.




The driver, (Aka: ME!----who did'nt want the van covered in p**s!) drove off suddenly at high speed!, leavin' them in full view of Stumpy's gran's livin' room window, danglin' their d***s! in one hand (whilst still drinkin' their cans of Broon with the otha!)
(ER!---change that tih 'nameless and SHAMEless'!)




'Stumpy', to say the least waz NOT! a 'happy bunny' and he tried to shield his gran from the 'horror show' by usin' his 'flab'uous frame' to stand in front of hor! (NOT! a pretty sight!)----(ER!,the lads gettin' a 'gypsies'!)--- (NOT!-Stumpys' frame!)
He was now dyin' of accute embarrassment! and (very!) quickly said hiz 'goodbyes' to his 'shell-shocked' granny and hoyed himsel into the 'tranny', tellin' iz to 'move it', 'sharp'ish'!
and so 'off we sped'!




The best way to get there was alang the A69 via 'Hadrians Waall' and as coincidence would have it, this was mee 69th groond watchin' 'The Toon' in action.
The toon of Dumfries, (as we soon foond oot!) waz a drinkers paradise!, with scores of drinkin' dens nestlin' on the riverside and beyond. BUT!--- more importantly!--- it was within easy reach of the groond, who's floodlights could be seen in the distance.




Newcastle had just won promotion back to the 'top flight', and expectations were high followin' 'Special 'K's (Kevin Keegan's) premature retirement at the end of the previous season.
Durin' the close season, manager Arthur Cox had sensationally resigned, and 'Big Jack' Charlton had been instaalled as the new manager, and this was his forst game in charge.




A total of ten of us had travelled from Tyneside in the 'aad wreck', which was tih be wor home for the next couple of days!.
The 'interminable ten' (wharrever that meenz?) dived oot the van and into the forst 'waaterin' hole', appropriately named, 'The Hole in the Wall'!, where the forst 'liquids' went doon 'without touchin' the sides'!
If mee memory sorves iz well, the 'ten', were---lang haired Mac, Marty, Santy Sant, Windy Wind, Grumpy Stumpy, Ronny the Hunter, Tex Taylor, Bob 'Patter', meesel and Jimmy the Mask, (so caalled coz he aalways looked like he was wearin' a clowns mask!)




After de'in 'The Grand Tour' of the 'Dives of Dumfries', it waz time tih gan tih the game, so wih trundled across the river and heeded for the floodlights.
Like aa say, expectations were high for the new season---but!, they would soon be dashed by the boys from Dumfries. (Reeed on!)




The groond was'nt as bad as a'd expected with cover on three sides, although the 'side' opposite us (knaan locally az 'The Jimmy Jolly Bullshed'---would you beleeeve!?) waz cordoned off because the roof waz unsafe (apparently)




The Toon had several chances orly on, with the best faallin' to Kenny Wharton, who blasted a shot which rebounded off the woodwork to full back Alan Broon, (Brown!) who, 'skied' the simple chance before him (some six yards oot!) and hit it way ower the bar!




Aa waz sittin' next to an 'old timer' in the main stand, and he telt iz that he'd followed 'Queens' since the club was founded in 1919, and that he had'nt missed a home game in aall that time!, which is quite some record.
He'd started gannin when he was five years aad, and sixty five years later he was still gannin. (Now that's what aa CAALL! a supporter!)




His lifetime of loyalty was rewarded soon after Broon's miss, when a deflected shot came off a Toon player and a grateful Queen's forward (who's name I have nee relection of!) slotted the baall past Kevin 'Carzzy' Carr in the Newcastle goal!
That's the way it stayed till the break and 'Big Jack' waz not pleezed az he stormed off doon the tunnel, tihwards the dressin' rooms!




We! (on the otha hand!) 'stormed' towards the 'tool shed' and on the way back we took a wrang turnin' and ended up in the players hospitality lounge!-----There was loads of scran on a huge table and this was an opportunity not to be missed!---- SO! (az yih de!) we got 'stuck in' to the wares on offer!
'Big Jack' suddenly stuck his heed around the corner and he was 'non too pleeezed' to see us 'scrannin' HIS! half time buffet as he stood there slurpin' a cup of 'John McNamee'! (remember him???)
He just gave us one of those: 'What the F*** are yeez lot de'in in here, nickin aall mee scran'---looks!, as he took a swig from his cup, before disappearin' with a cheese stotty back towards the dressin' rooms in a rage!




Hiz half time 'bollockin' obviously did the trick az within ten minutes of the restart, Peter Beardsley had chipped the Queen of the South keeper to put wih back on level torms.
Things however went doonhill from this point and the game 'petered' oot and finished one's a piece!
(The best 'move of the match' waz actually made az the ref blew for full time, when we made for the nearest booza a few hundred yards from the groond, next tih the river!)
Not a good start for 'Big Jacks' reign!




Queen of the South, incidently, are so caalled because the toon of Dumfries is known as Scotlands 'fair queen of the south', but rumours persist that it was because Mary 'Queen of Scots' used to live in a  medival castle owerlookin' Palmerston Park!. (SO!---nuw yih naa!.) (or divvint naa?--az the case may be???)




After the match wih headed for the toon centre where's there's loads of ale hooses, and decided (en-mass) tih get totally 'rat-arsed', before retirin' tih wih 'luxury'? 'five star' hotel at 'chuckin' oot time'. (aboot one 'o' clock in the mornin'!)
Before we 'retired' some of the company decided tih gan for a 'quick naked dip' in the river!---NOT! a good idea az it waz f***** freeeezzzin'!




'Windy' waz SO! blotto, he took his 'kit' off and dived in with just his socks on! (he forgot to tek them off!) and was the last to get oot.
This was unfortunate for him as the local 'Dibble' were waitin' next to the bridge as he staggered oot the river and they hoyed him in a 'meat wagon' and 'carted' him off to the local nick!
(We were luckier and 'evaded capture' and scarpered!)




We were playin' 'Hibs' at Easter Road the next day, so we staggered back to 'THE 'HOTEL VAN TRANSIT', for a few hours 'beauty sleep'!-------ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz!




(The Grand Tour of Scotland----end of Part One---Part Two to follow!)








©Fink™ (the mad-sad grundhpper!)

Sunday, 12 July 2020

WOTFAAD 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '10:54am bells' Sunday 12th July 2020
A MINUTES SILENCE FOR FORMER TOON MANAGER 
AND WORLD CUP WINNER JACK CHARLTON 
WHO DIED ON FRIDAY!  R.I.P. 'BIG JACK'

"TOON PAY THE PENALTY-EEES!"

A game of 2 halves-- in the first NUFC dominated play and raced into a 1-0 lead at Vicarage Road through a Dwight Gayle tap in in the 23rd minute, az 'The NUFC Mad-Sad Tellyhoppers' watched from the upper deck of Rosie's Bar near St. James' Park!  It shoud have been much more, but we just couldn't double wor lead----and we payed the ultimate price for this in the 2nd period!
DWIGHT GAYLE GOAL---A SIMPLE TAP IN!


The 2nd half, like aa say, woz anothaa disaster show from 'The Orangemen' (we played in wor aall orange away kit this time!)(Bottle green v Man City on Wedinzday!)

Matt Ritchie made minimal contact with a Wotfaad forward in the box and the ref pointed to the spot!  It woz one of those 50/50 decisions where it could gan eethaa way! After a VAR check conformed it WOZ a penalty, up stepped Troy Deeney to level the scores, az he hit hiz shot doon the middle with Dubravka in the Toon goal, divin to hiz right!  1-1 after 52 minutes

Manquillo then gave away anothaa daft penalty half an hour later, when he climbed aall ower a Wotfaad striker and pulled him doon in the box!
A clear penalty this time, in my humble opinion, but Brucey thought it woz 'soft'?
After anothaa VAR check it woz again confirmed az a penalty and Deeney stepped up once more to hit his shot to the right this time, with Dubravka just gettin hiz finger tips to the baall as it hit the back of the net!   2-1 to Wotfaad!

That's the way it stayed az we hardly ventured into their half, unlike the first half, where we shud have put the game to bed!
2 defeats in a row leaves us in 13th position with 3 'behind closed doors' games to gan, before the eventual end to this very lang season!

Toon team: Dubravka, Manquillo, Lascelles (Lazaro 87), Fernandez, Rose (Krafth 79), Schar, Shelvey, Saint-Maximin, Almiron, Richie (Joelinton 72), Gayle (Bentaleb 78) 

Official attendance: 5 of us plus anothaa 5 or 6 upstairs in Rosie's, plus aboot a dozen doon stairs includin 2 bouncers and 2 bar staff and the manageress =22 or 23!?
THE VIEW OF ST. JAMES' FROM ROSIE'S UPSTAIRS BEER GARDEN!

*

Friday, 10 July 2020

WOTFAAD V THE TOON *** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

Posted '5:46pm bells' Friday 10th July 2020

THIS is the nearest real 'quality' that NUFC will get under the current regime!

"OLD 'BROKEN NOSE' SPEAKS!"

Followin wor abysmal show against Man City durin the week, wor manager haz said that he wont tolerate a performance like that again!
He said exactly the same thing when we were humiliated in the FA Cup against the same opposition barely 10 days ago!?

He then admits that he haz yet to speak to wor absent owner 'The Fat Controller' aboot forthaa player recruitment, adding that he intends to add quality to the squad, despite not knowing just who will own wor great club by the start of the new season! (Whenever that iz?) Or indeed, if HE will still be in charge!?

He adds that he hope's we can unearth some gems like Saint-Maximin or Almiron, with nee mention at aall aboot £40 million man Joelinton!?

We will again heed for Rosie's bar near the groond tomorrow, to watch the game on the telly!

To be honest, personally a'v saved a fortune not bein able to gan to away games like Bournemoooth, Man City and now Wotfaad!

BUT! I honestly hate watchin us 'on the box' with false crowd noise and empty soulless stadiums---and would far rather be skint, than have this alternative!

"AN OPEN AND SHUT CASE!"

Az I write this, I am in The Crows Nest sitting in a designated seat, chosen by one of the bar staff, which makes the whole new pub experience crap az well!

In the Toon today the followin boozers are still shut that I have tried to get in tee!  The Bodega, Tilleys, The Star, The Welly, The Bacchus, The Monkey Bar and Trillians!

Open bars I have been tee are Lady Greys, The Junction and here in 'The Crows'!
ie: It's an open and shut case!

A full Geordie Times 'Tellyhoppers' report will appear here in due course---rather like the agonisin' takeower, where the 'fit and propaa persons test' has just entered its 4th month OR the ONE THIRD OF A YEAR MARK!  (Dependin on how your brain box works?)

Thursday, 9 July 2020

THE BLUE MOONIES 5 THE TOON(IES) 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '2:15pm bells' Thorsday 9th July 2020
Updated '7:30pm bells'
ROSIE'S BAR
UPSTAIRS

"JESUS CHRIST!"

If ever there woz a reason for wor takeower to happen, then this woz it!
A game NUFC were totally outplayed in and we were SO lucky to get away with a 5 goal hidin'---it could so easily have been a 9 or 10 goal defeat, we were that bad!

It took The Blue Moonies presicely 10 minutes to get the first goal when Jesus (NOT the one from Bethlehem!), side footed home, from a Silva pull back, with wor defence 'aall at sea'!
It woz soon 2-0 after 20 minutes through Marez and it should have been so many more, but somehow we managed to get to the break just 2 goals doon!
TO THE GALLOWGATE (BEYOND THE CHINESE ARCH)
VIEW FROM ROSIE'S UPSTAIRS WINDOW!

And as for WOR attacking formation?  I didnt even realise that Joelinton woz playin until they did a 'close up' on him in the 25th minute! (Honest!)

The 2nd period for 'The bottle green brigade' woz just az bad (we played in wor horrible bottle green change kit!) and we well and truly 'bottled it' for certain!
NUFC did actually score!---an own goal from Fernandez, that iz, to put us 3 behind! (Fernandez woz aalso responsible for wor anly effort on target, a weak heeder in the forst half!)

The 4th followed soon after, through a Silva free kick on the edge of the box--- and the final nail in wor coffin came in the 1st minute of stoppage time from Sterling, to 'put us in wor place'! (13th in the leegue table, actually!)
A FEW PINTS OF 'THIS' TO DROWN MEE SORROWS!


And as for 'Broken Nose Bruce', who it's said iz in contention for the 'Manager of the year award'--dont be daft and even 'fink' aboot it!

The Daily Mail summed it up porfectly: "They folded up like a deck chair on a windy beach!"

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Krafth (Muto 84), Fernandez, Rose Schar, Shelvey(Matty Longstaff 66), Bentaleb, Lazaro (Manquillo 66), Richie (Atsu 84), Joelinton (Gayle 66)

Official attendance: 10 upstairs in Rosie's and 20 doonstairs, plus 1 barman and the manageress (nee booncers, unlike Saturday) Total: 32!
*

Tuesday, 7 July 2020

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON(IES!) *** TOMORROW EVENIN

Posted 9:00pm bells' Tuesday 7th July 2020
ROSIE'S---'THE NUFC MAD-SAD TELLYHOPPERS' VENUE FOR THE GAME!
(THE GALLOWGATE END IZ BEYOND THE CHINESE ARCH!)

The games are comin' thick and fast and we are off to Man City tomorrow! (whey!--- the NUFC team are, NOT us supporters, who will be watchin it in various locations back on Tyneside and beyond!)
The EMPTYad iz the venue for the game (and well named!), while wor 'venue' will be in Rosie's Bar!---- and it will be a tough encoontaa against a City team who thrashed the new Premyaa Leegue champions 4-0 last week!

Amazingly, we seem to have hit a vein of form, playin' withoot a crowd to cheers us on, and indeed wor anly revorse in 5 so far iz against the blue side of Manchester in the FA Cup at SJP

We are of course safe from relegation now, and the game effectively iz a 'dead rubber' for us, with nee chance of a European place eethaa!

A full Geordie Times match report will again be compiled in Rosies Bar, 150 yards from St. James' Park, where we did the West Ham report on Sunday!----That's a '6:00 bells' start for both the match and the 'beer garglin' competition!

The match report wont be online til the followin' day, az aa need to get up 'orly bells' to gan to graft!
Az per usual!---"Watch this space the day after the game!"
And remember!---The Geordie Times will bring yoo the news "forst hand, second!"---or iz it "second hand, forst?"

Monday, 6 July 2020

THE TOON 2 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '1:40pm bells' Munday 6th July 2020 (Woodall services M1 north truck park!) Updated '7:30pm bells'

SHELVEY SCORES AT THE GALLOWGATE END ON THE TELLY 
AZ I LOOK OOT OF THE WINDOW OF ROSIES BAR 
TOWARDS THE GALLOWGATE END!

"LOOK THROUGH ANY WINDOW, YEAH!"

A bizarre day in The Toon started off in The Newcasil Arms and then onwards across the road to Rosie's Bar within sight of the Chinese arch and The Gallowgate End of St. James' Park 150 yards beyond! This woz the 2nd day of the pubs reopenin after the curfew, but the streets were strangely quiet?

News filtered through that 'The Dibble' had ordered some city centre bars not to show wor home game on the telly! Several boozers, includin The Strawberry, The Rose n Croon, The Black Garter and The 3 Bulls were ordered to switch their tellys off durin the live transmission!
"DRINK!--DRINK!--WHEREVER YOO MAY BE!"

Rosie's Bar, however, got the 'green light's az they had aall the social distancing measures in place, likes facemasks for bar staff, sanitizing gel for customers and they anly allowed 20 punters in the bar on pre booked tables!

Panic had struck when punters in The 3 Bulls were told that they wouldn't be able to watch the match there!  We had booked a table for 4 and were able to increase this to 7 in Rosie's to accommodate wor mates!

The game kicked off az we bizarrely looked oot of the window towards The Gallowgate End on the distance as the match unfolded on the bar's 3 tellys!

"A BOG standard performance!"

After just 4 minutes on the clock West Ham took the lead when Lascelles got hiz feet in a tangle in the box and Antonio had the easy task of slotting the baall into the net at The Gallowgate End!

One of wor number caalled 'Mark Mini Mags' ( he collects small models of Toon players!) missed the goal az he woz otherwise occupied in the bogs!
The equaliser came some 12 minutes later when Almiron fired home at The Leazes End. (Mark missed this goal az well, as he woz in the bogs again!) (Weak bladder, or wot?)

It woz 'ones a piece' at half time and then wor visitors retook the lead in the 65th minute when a shot which had rickoshaded off the bar foond the feet of Soucek and he had the simple task of side foot in the baall ower the goal line!

Mark again had made for the toolshed and aboot one minute later up popped Shelvey to hit a shot across the box and into the corner of the net for wor 2nd equaliser at The Gallowgate End, which we could see from a bar window! (Aye, Mark had missed both those goals az well to have the dubious record of not seeing any of the 4 goals as they were scored!

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth,Lascelles, Fernandez, Manquillo, Shelvey, Hayden (Bentaleb 43), Joelinton (Carroll 81), Almiron, Saint-Maximin (Lazaro 69), Gayle (Ritchie 70)

Official attendance in Rosies: 23!   17 Toon fans, 3 bar staff, 2 booncers and 1 manageress! (There woz an empty table for 6 Gannin 'a beggin' az well!)

PS; Villa's defeat at Liverpoool meenz that NUFC cannot be relegated!
After Rosie's we heeded for The Strawberry where the streets aroond the groond were deserted!
VIEW OF STRAWBERRY PLACE AND THE GALLOWGATE END 
FROM AN UPSTAIRS WINDOW IN THE STRAWBERRY

DESERTED STREETS HALF AN HOUR AFTER MATCH ENDED!

The Strawberry's manager said that takins were doon £15,000 on a normal match day!
He didnt look a 'happy bunny' as he tried to make the customers he had (us!) adhere to social distancing rules!


Saturday, 4 July 2020

PISTMAS INDEPENDANCE DAY AT LAST!

Posted '10:55am bells' Saturday 4th July 2020

"THE TALE OF THE LAST SUPPER!"
UPSTAIRS IN 'THE 3 BULLS'----THE 'LAST SUPPERS'!

It's been exactleee 106 days since Boris came on the telly to tell us that that day (March 20th) woz in fact 'last suppers day' for aall drinkers---and that the bars would be shut til forthaa notice!   
"DURIN' THE LOCKDOON"

Aa woz in The Leazes End Club behind St. James' Park that day when he annoonced it, and aa nearly chocked on mee pint az aa took a large gulp of the golden liquid refreshment!
"ME AND MEE LITTLE DOGGY CAALLED 'BREWDOG' (WOT ELSE?")

The 'last suppers' took place in 'The 3 Bulls' on Porcy Street that fateful day and since then a'v been forced to drink Broon Ale from the local 'off licence' in various locations aroond Tyneside! (see photos!)
"WENT TO VARIOUS LOCATIONS ON TYNESIDE"

This afternooon a'm heedin for 'The 3 Bulls' again, where 'Tex' Taylor haz booked a table for us upstairs!---106 lang days since we were last there!
It will be very strange indeed to have 'table sorvice' instead of proppin up the bar like we used to dee! (which isn't allowed now!)
"TO DRINK 'DOG' (NEWCASIL BROON ALE")

And then on Sunday we are tryin to find a bar where we can watch wor home game v 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham---and wouldn't it be ironic if that boozer torned oot to be 'The Strawberry' in the shadows of  'The Gallowgate End' and 'The Jackie Milburn statue' (a former great centre forward who won 3 FA Cup winners medals with The Toon in the 1950s!)
"IN PUB BEER GARDENS"

It certainly would be weird to be watchin the match ower the road, instead of bein in mee normal seat in 'The Milburn Stand'!
"AROOND THE CITY CENTRE"

'The Geordie Times' will dee a 'pub crawl' report sometime tomorrow mornin'----that's assuming we can get into pubs that can anly have one thord of the capacity they had before the lockoot!
"INCLUDIN' SOMEWHERE NEAR ST. JAMES' PARK"

A full Geordie Times 'NUFC Mad-Sad Tellyhoppers' report on wor game on Sunday will appear here from a yet to be named Toon pub!? (The Strawberry?, The Bodega?, The 3 Bulls?, The Monkey Bar?)
Az per usual---watch this space for news of this!
AND OOTSIDE WOR HOOSE!"

Update '11:00am bells'
TOON CENTRE!
FOTO TAKEN AT
'9:00AM BELLS'!
😳


Friday, 3 July 2020

NUFC v SAFC***AVERAGE GATES***1893 to 2020 ***127 YEAR RECORD (NOW UPDATED FROM LAST SEASON)

Updated 'high noon bells' Friday 3rd July 2020
THE ADMIRAL OF THE FLEET, LORD BERESFORD
KICKS OFF THE 1904 DERBY MATCH @ ST JAMES' PARK
(LEAZES TERRACE (left) AND ST JAMES' STREET (right) 
ARE IN THE BACKGROOND)

NUFC v SAFC (average league attendances)

'The Geordie Times' haz  published below the average leegue attendances of both clubs from 1893 to 2020, startin' from 1893-1894 season and endin' on the current season, to date.
Obviously, because of 'The Bat Out Of Hell' coronavirus, the season finished for safc in March!
In NUFC's case, aall Premyaa Leegue home games are/were behind closed doors after this---and in safc's case the Leegue One season woz abandoned! So average attendances are anly given up til March! 

The SMBs claim that they are az loyal az The Toon fans and that they can match us in crowd figures throughoot the last 127 years of leegue futbaall between us!

Lets see if they are reet?---The SMBs joined The Futbaall Leegue in 1890 and NUFC joined in 1893 and so the average attendance figures are from the 1893-1894 season az we have ne NUFC data before that time.
Attendance figures are independant and are taken from three sources---'The Association of Football Statisticians', 'European Football Statisticians' and the excellent book, 'Through the Turnstiles', which gives every average gate for every club who have ever played in The Futbaall Leegue! (figures may differ slightly, dependin' on where yi look!)

Key: White=nufc best supported in that season
         Pink=safc best supported in that season


The Nineteenth Century---
Seasons 1893-1894 to 1899-1900
1893-1894---nufc 3,525---safc 6,890---0-1 to safc
1894-1895---nufc 4,155---safc 8,250---0-2 to safc
1895-1896---nufc 7,255---safc 6,210---1-2 to safc
1896-1897---nufc 8,130---safc 5,160---2-2
1897-1898--nufc 11,545--safc 10,970--3-2 to nufc
1898-1899--nufc17,390--safc12,540---4-2 to nufc
1899-1900--nufc16,445--safc11,265---5-2 to nufc

The start of the Twentieth Century
to the 1st World War---
Seasons 1900-1901 to 1914-1915
1900-1901--nufc 15,575--safc11,695---6-2 to nufc
1901-1902--nufc 14,450--safc12,905---7-2 to nufc
1902-1903--nufc 17,540--safc15,305---8-2 to nufc
1903-1904--nufc 17,565--safc13,670---9-2 to nufc
1904-1905--nufc 21,605--safc14,510--10-2 to nufc
1905-1906--nufc 22,765--safc13,015--11-2 to nufc
1906-1907-nufc*33,235--safc15,450--12-2 to nufc
1907-1908--nufc 27,875--safc17,470--13-2 to nufc
1908-1909--nufc 29,300--safc15,235--14-2 to nufc
1909-1910--nufc24,825--safc11,615--15-2 to nufc 
1910-1911--nufc25,055--safc16,650--16-2 to nufc
1911-1912--nufc24,995--safc12,555--17-2 to nufc
1912-1913--nufc24,935--safc17,940--18-2 to nufc
1913-1914--nufc24,710--safc20,865--19-2 to nufc
1914-1915--nufc14,545--safc10,230--20-2 to nufc

*WORLD RECORD!---nufc were the forst club in the world to have average gates of ower 30,000!

In the 1914-1915 season both clubs average gates dropped by 10,000 az many fans had went off to fight in the 1st World War!
The leegue waz then suspended from 1915-1916 to 1918-1919 because of the war. 

Inter War Years
Seasons 1919-1920 to 1938-1939
1919-1920--nufc38,390--safc25,580--21-2 to nufc
1920-1921--nufc41,265--safc28,765--22-2 to nufc
1921-1922--nufc34,860--safc24,150--23-2 to nufc
1922-1923--nufc27,085--safc23,070--24-2 to nufc
1923-1924--nufc26,865--safc23,475--25-2 to nufc
1924-1925--nufc24,325--safc20,440--26-2 to nufc
1925-1926--nufc29,957--safc21,399--27-2 to nufc
1926-1927--nufc36,510--safc18,142--28-2 to nufc
1927-1928--nufc30,195--safc21,411--29-2 to nufc
1928-1929--nufc31,667--safc25,196--30-2 to nufc
1929-1930--nufc32,559--safc24,553--31-2 to nufc
1930-1931--nufc26,151--safc22,015--32-2 to nufc
1931-1932--nufc30,336--safc23,131--33-2 to nufc
1932-1933--nufc25,992--safc17,254--34-2 to nufc
1933-1934--nufc24,142--safc18,269--35-2 to nufc
1934-1935--nufc20,081--safc25,397--35-3 to nufc
1935-1936--nufc19,483--safc30,378--35-4 to nufc
1936-1937--nufc24,430--safc28,670--35-5 to nufc
1937-1938--nufc21,276--safc25,132--35-6 to nufc
1938-1939--nufc32,693--safc21,740--36-6 to nufc

From 1939-1940 to 1945-1946 the leegue waz suspended due to The 2nd World War

Mid Twentieth Century
Seasons 1946-1947 to 1969-1970
1946-1947--nufc49,379--safc35,301--37-6 to nufc
1947-1948-nufc*56,283--safc42,888--38-6 to nufc
1948-1949--nufc53,839--safc45,220--39-6 to nufc
1949-1950-nufc46,468--safc*47,785--39-7 to nufc
1950-1951--nufc46,651--safc39,766--40-7 to nufc
1951-1952--nufc50,476--safc39,853--41-7 to nufc
1952-1953--nufc44,521--safc39,767--42-7 to nufc
1953-1954--nufc45,392--safc42,505--43-7 to nufc
1954-1955--nufc42,925--safc43,043--43-8 to nufc
1955-1956--nufc37,666--safc35,888--44-8 to nufc
1956-1957--nufc35,202--safc36,145--44-9 to nufc
1957-1958--nufc36,241--safc36,146--45-9 to nufc
1958-1959--nufc39,458--safc27,772--46-9 to nufc
1959-1960--nufc36,037--safc22,831--47-9 to nufc
1960-1961--nufc26,500--safc26,051--48-9 to nufc
1961-1962-nufc27,946--safc32,986--48-10 to nufc
1962-1963-nufc31,634--safc40,883--48-11 to nufc
1963-1964-nufc29,435--safc41,258--48-12 to nufc
1964-1965-nufc35,659--safc40,637--48-13 to nufc
1965-1966-nufc33,793--safc34,488--48-14 to nufc
1966-1967-nufc32,081--safc31,731--49-14 to nufc
1967-1968-nufc37,239--safc30,873--50-14 to nufc
1968-1969-nufc34,016--safc25,426--51-14 to nufc
1969-1970-nufc37,553--safc21,790--52-14 to nufc

*WORLD RECORD!---nufc were the forst club in the world to have average gates of ower 50,000 (both 'The Arse' and 'Man U' both averaged ower 50,000 az well in that season, but we reached that average, forst!) 
Unbeleeeviblee!, nufc were in the old 2nd Division at the time, and this iz STILL! a WORLD RECORD for any club ootside the 'top flight', to this day!

*safc record average gate 

Mid to Late Twentieth Century
Seasons1970-1971 to 1999-2000
1970-1971-nufc29,735--safc15,780--53-14 to nufc
1971-1972-nufc32,664--safc15,906--54-14 to nufc
1972-1973-nufc27,939--safc22,603--55-14 to nufc
1973-1974-nufc32,861--safc24,409--56-14 to nufc
1974-1975-nufc34,614--safc29,931--57-14 to nufc
1975-1976-nufc33,060--safc31,250--58-14 to nufc
1976-1977-nufc33,599--safc32,743--59-14 to nufc
1977-1978-nufc24,729--safc22,276--60-14 to nufc
1978-1979-nufc20,494--safc25,454--60-15 to nufc
1979-1980-nufc23,345--safc27,119--60-16 to nufc
1980-1981-nufc16,001--safc26,477--60-17 to nufc
1981-1982-nufc17,276--safc19,608--60-18 to nufc
1982-1983-nufc24,116--safc17,370--61-18 to nufc
1983-1984-nufc29,811--safc16,180--62-18 to nufc
1984-1985-nufc26,228--safc18,347--63-18 to nufc
1985-1986-nufc23,434--safc16,052--64-18 to nufc
1986-1987-nufc24,792--safc13,601--65-18 to nufc
1987-1988-nufc21,059--safc17,425--66-18 to nufc
1988-1989-nufc22,921--safc14,878--67-18 to nufc
1989-1990-nufc21,590--safc17,987--68-18 to nufc
1990-1991-nufc16,834--safc22,577--68-19 to nufc
1991-1992-nufc21,148--safc18,390--69-19 to nufc
1992-1993-nufc29,048--safc17,260--70-19 to nufc
1993-1994-nufc33,679--safc16,934--71-19 to nufc
1994-1995-nufc34,690--safc15,344--72-19 to nufc
1995-1996-nufc36,507--safc17,482--73-19 to nufc
1996-1997-nufc36,466--safc20,865--74-19 to nufc
1997-1998-nufc36,680--safc33,492--75-19 to nufc
1998-1999-nufc36,690--safc38,745--75-20 to nufc
1999-2000-nufc36,333--safc41,375--75-21 to nufc

The start of the Twenty forst Century
Seasons 2000-2001 to 2019-2020
2000-2001-nufc51,309--safc46,791--76-21 to nufc
2001-2002-nufc51,373--safc46,744--77-21 to nufc
2002-2003-nufc51,923--safc39,698--78-21 to nufc
2003-2004-nufc51,966--safc27,120--79-21 to nufc
2004-2005-nufc51,844--safc28,820--80-21 to nufc
2005-2006-nufc52,032--safc33,904--81-21 to nufc
2006-2007-nufc50,686--safc31,887--82-21 to nufc
2007-2008-nufc51,330--safc43,344--83-21 to nufc
2008-2009nufc*48,750--safc40,168--84-21to nufc
2009-2010-nufc43,388--safc40,355--85-21 to nufc
2010-2011-nufc47,718--safc40,011--86-21 to nufc
2011-2012-nufc49,936--safc39,095--87-21 to nufc
2012-2013-nufc50,517--safc40,544--88-21 to nufc
2013-2014-nufc50,395--safc41,090--89-21 to nufc
2014-2015-nufc 50,359--safc43,157--90-21 to nufc
2015-2016-nufc*49,790--safc43,071--91-21 to nufc
2016-2017-nufc 51,106--safc 41,287--92-21 to nufc
2017-2018-nufc 51,992--safc 27,635--93-21 to nufc
2018-2019-nufc 51,121--safc32,157--94-21 to nufc
2019-2020-nufc 48,248--safc30,118--95-21 to nufc

*WORLD RECORD/and *NEW WORLD RECORD average gates for a relegated club!---
These relegation totals are aalso higher than the SAFC RECORD average gate of 47,785 in the 1949-1950 season!
In total NUFC have beaten the SAFC record average gate 24 times!

"Put THAT! in your pipe and smoke it!"

"CONCLUSION!?---WE LEAVE TO DRAW YOUR OWN! CONCLUSIONS!!!???

www.geordietimes.com


Thursday, 2 July 2020

BOURNEMOOOTH 1 THE TOON 4 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted 'high noon bells' (at Redditch, Worcestershire) Thorsday 2nd July 2020

NUFC MAD-SAD TELLYHOPPERS
VIEW OF GAYLE'S GOAL FROM MAYNOOOTH
IRELAND!

"NEWCASTLE ARE AS BRIGHT AS THEIR 3RD KIT!"

Wor forst away game under the lockdoon proved to be wor best performance of the season on the road!

The 4-1 win woz the first time we'd scored 4 goals this season, as a very bad Bournemoooth team gave up after just 5minutes on the clock!
This is when Dwight Gayle scored after a defensive error and he wellied the baall into the corner of the goal to cheers from every Tyneside livin room!
MANQUILLO THROW IN, IN FRONT OF WHERE THE TOON FANS
 SHUD BE, IN THE AWAY END!
               
The 2nd came on the half hour mark, when a through baall from Saint-Maximin foond Sean Langstaff and he buried it from 12 yards oot!

That's how it stayed til half time with The Toon having 75% of the possession and the telly commentator 'committed' that, "Newcastle are as bright az their 3rd kit! (NUFC played in aall orange!)

The 2nd half woz just the same and Almiron added a 3rd when Saint-Maximin slotted a through baall to him, and the little jem placed his shot into the corner of the goal!
ALMIRON GOAL CARE OF NUFC MAD-SAD TELLYHOPPERS ON TYNESIDE! 
("Err! Actually that woz Lazaro's goal!")

Lazaro added a 4th with 13 mins left on the clock from a Shelvey pass and then the miss of the day when Hayden somehow fired ower the bar with the goal gaping from 2 feet oot after Lazaro had hit the bar!?  The fake crowd noise then started singin', "Come on Boro!"???

A consolation goal for the home side deep into stoppage time woz the anly blip from a great performance!

We now have 42 points and are surely safe from relegation--- a near certainty now!

Toon team: Dubravka, Krafth, Fernandez, Lascelles, Manquillo (Yedlin 73), S. Langstaff (Almiron33), Bentaleb, Shelvey, Saint-Maximin (Lazaro 62), Gayle (Carroll 62), Joelinton (Hayden 72)
BREWDOG WATCHES ON AZ
SEAN LANGSTAFF SCORES WOR 2ND GOAL!

Official attendance in wor hoose: 2 * Me and mee doggy and a bottle of 'DOG' (Newcasil Broon Ale)

*

Wednesday, 1 July 2020

BOURNEMOOOTH v THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '5:23pm bells' Wedinzday 1st July 2020

We play wor 4th game behind closed doors this evenin at Bournemoooth in just ower half an hours time and 'The Geordie Times' will be watchin it on the telly again at yem, instead of inside The Vitality Stadium (formally Dean Court) 370 miles away from Tyneside!

This will be wor forst away game in the 'restart lockout' and the 10,000 seater groond will be completely empty of Bournemoooth and Toon fans!
MEEENWHILE AT THE VITALITY STADIUM, AWAY SECTION!

This iz in complete contrast to last week when HALF A MILLION covidiots desended onto Bournemoooth beach! (see top photo!)

And wor question iz!---If they can let 500,000 'sunseekers' onto a Bournemoooth beach, then why the hell can't they let 10,000 fans into a Bournemoooth futbaall stadium, 2 miles from the 'said' beach?
Answers on a Bournemoooth postcard pleeeze, to 
Boris Johnson, 10 Downing Street, London!

A full Geordie Times mad-sad tellyhoppers' match report will appear here sometime on Thorsday neet!---One day late, BUT! this IZ The Geordie Times!---Wot did yoo expect!? 

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST