Tuesday, 24 November 2020

FANS ALLOWED BACK, BUT WHICH ONES?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 24th November 2020

TELLY VIEW OF EMPTY SEATS AT SJP---BUT WHO WILL GET TO SIT IN THEM?


Boris haz annoonced that teams in Tier 1 of the new lockdoon system will be able to allow 4,000 fans into their stadiums!

Those in Tier 2, 2,000

And those in Tier 3, NEEBODY!

NUFC are likely to be in eethaa Tier 2 or 3

And so the question on everybodys lips (or at least mine, anyway!) iz just who do we let in for punishment!, if we are in Tier 2?

Private box holders will get top priority which meenz at least 1,000 tickets will gan to them

That leaves 1,000 tickets for 30,000 othaa season ticket holders!!!

It will be very interestin indeed to see wot actually happens if we are in Tier 2!

Aalso, iz it fair that some clubs in the north will have to play in front of empty stadiums, while those in the lower Tiers in the south can let fans in, givin them an unfair advantage!

It will nee doubt unravel in the next few days!

Watch this space for forthaa news when Boris decides which Tier we are in on Thorsday!

Monday, 23 November 2020

THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL CONTINUES! *** FROM 2nd PLACE IN SEPTEMBER TO 15th PLACE IN NOVEMBER!

 Updated 'high noon bells' Munday 23rd November 2020

 "WATCH OOT NEAR THE BOTTOM!"


After yet another International break we reflect on the 0-2 horror show at SJP v Chelski on Saturday!

After the weekends results we now find worsels in 15th position in the table!(from 13th)  Wor lowest position of the season (so far!)

It's a rollercoaster season for sure! Win, lose, win, lose, lucky draw, lucky draw, win, lose, lose!---?

The pundits have defended 'Broken Nose Bruce', sayin that do we (the fans) really 'fink' that we know better than him? and that we expect to be in The Champions Leegue!

Oh no!--We know that iz just a pipe dream under the present ownership, but the dire futbaall on show from NUFC iz truly shocking!

Two heeders on goal at Soothampton and nee shots in wor last away game--and even worse, NEE efforts on goal at aall in wor shock 3-0 home defeat to Brightin the other month, and just ONE shot on target in stoppage time v Chelski on Saturday!

If yoo were a neutral fan, yoo would simply turn off your telly when The Toon are on!

Old Broken Nose now has 5 days to try and sort oot this "Work in progress" mess, (Palace away on Friday neet) or else 15th place will soon become 16th and then 17th etc!

25% possession to 'us' and 75% possession to 'them' is wor prediction, az we sit back and hope for a break by hoofing the baall upfield in the blind hope that it will faall to one of wor strikers!       (2 shots/heeders on target iz wor prediction!)

Wor possession and strike rates for the season so far, make sorry readin and we are currently in 20th position with these stats added!

West Ham away 2 shots 2 goals   up to 2nd position in table       Won 2-0

Brightin home NEE shots nee goals  doon to 11th position         Lost 0-3

Sporz away 1 shot 1 goal (lucky penalty) up to 9th position

Drew 1-1

Bornley at home 5 shots 3 goals  up to 6th position                    Won 3-1

Moan U at home 4 shots 1 goal  doon to 11th position                Lost 1-4

Wolves away 2 shots 1 goal  doon to 14th position                    Drew 1-1

Evaatin home 4 shots 2 goals  up to 11th position                       Won 2-1

Sooothampton away 2 shots (heeders) nee goals  11th position   Lost 0-2

Chelski home 1 shot nee goals  doon to 15th position                 Lost 0-2

Total 10 goals and 21 shots (includin' the goals (3 penalties) in 9 games = 2.33 shots per game or 1.16 shots per half!!!


"Oh for a takeower by a very rich Saudi prince!!!!"


Sunday, 22 November 2020

THE TOON 0 CHELSKI 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 22nd November 2020


A COW ON THE TOWN MOOR ("ER! SORRY!") 'BULL'
 WITH ST. JAMES' PARK IN THE DISTANCE!
FOR AN EXPLANATION OF THIS PHOTO, SCROLL DOON TO THE END OF THIS ARTICLE!

"AA TOLD YOO SO, BUT AA WISH AA WOZ WRANG!"

Mee mate 'Tex' Taylor invited me to hiz hoose in Howden to watch the game, az aa didnt fancy watchin it on a dodgy channel on mee laptop in wor hoose! (Aa divvint have any of the pay per view channels) (Howden iz between Waallsend and Tynemooth on the Metro line) A visit to hiz local conveeeniance store to buy some broon ale woz the forst thing aa did when aa got to Howden and then it woz off to hiz hoose to settle doon and watch the game! 

And a totally predictable non performance from those in black n white striped shirts woz the outcome of yet anothaa "faall asleep game!"



We actually started off well in the first 5 minutes as we attacked the Leazes goal, but after this Chelski totally dominated the game for the next 85 minutes!

After missed chances and excellent saves from Karl Darlow at the othaa end, the predictable happened in the 9th minute when Fernandez inadvertently put the baall into his own net to give wor visitors from London a deserved lead!

A few minutes later the telly flashed that Chelski had had 92% possession at that point!!!

After several more near misses NUFC finally broke away through Joelinton and from near the halfway line he attempted a shot which went well wide and into the empty seats of the lower section of The Leazes End! (Wor 'highlight' of the forst half!) "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴





It just aboot summed us up and aa nearly hoyed an empty bottle of broon at Tex'z telly in frustration!

Somehow it woz still just 0-1 at the break and the graphics told us that the possession rate woz 20% to 'us' and 80% to Chelski with NEE direct shots on goal from NUFC!


The 2nd half wasnt much better and we still haddint had a shot or heeder on target when Chelski killed the game off in the 65th minute when Abraham fired home, with a shot that went in off the far post at The Leazes End!

Sean Longstaff hit the bar 7 mins later with a glancin shot that went ower  the bar, which woz the closest we came to scorin' aall game!

(Wor 'highlight' of the game!)

Broken Nose Bruce then took the anly player that woz likely to score OFF in the 74th minute (Saint-Maximin) to be replaced by Andy Carroll! (Who hazzint scored since he came back, well ower a year ago!)

And then the moment of the game in the 84th minute!

NUFC are 2-0 doon, we get a throw in near the 18 yard line of the Chelski half at The Gallowgate End---and after 4 passes it ends up in with goalie Karl Darlow at the Leazes End!  (Yi couldnt make it up!)

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOWER!


Near the end and into stoppage time, Carroll had a shot which woz deflected away by a Chelski defender---wor one and anly (alledged!) shot on target of the game!!! (A shot which woz deflected by a defender!)("WOW!")"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴

Aa honestly cannit remember the Chelski goalie havin to make one solitary save in the entire game? (Pleeeze correct me if a'm wrang?)

PS: Since been told that Almiron did have a deflected shot saved by Mendy in the visitors goal, at some point in the 2nd half? (Must have been to the 'tool-shed' for a 'gypsies kiss' when that happened!?)

The final whistle went and in the post match interviews Bruce said that: "There were pleasing points in the second half!" (Were there Steve?---Yoo mustiv been watchin a different game to us, like!) 





 Official attendance in Tex'z hoose: 2  (we are in the same 'bubble') (alledgedleee!)

Mee pre match prediction that NUFC would have 30% of the possession to Chelski's 70% woz nearly reet! (29% to 71%) and aa said that we would have 3 shots on target, when we had just one solitary deflected effort!


WE are SO predictable---for aall the wrang reasons!


A BRILLIANT PIECE BY CRAIG HOPE OF THE MAIL ON SUNDAY!



Saturday, 21 November 2020

THE TOON v CHELSKI *** DINNAATIME TODAY!

 Posted '11:00am bells' Saturday 21st November 2020

Updated throughout match

What will it be today?  ONE for sorrow OR TWO for joy?


I divvint want to be the eternal pessimist, BUT how many shots do yoo 'fink' NUFC will have on target from open play today???

ONE? TWO?? THREE??? FOWER????  Well if the past displays this season are anythin to gan by, then THREE shots on target at the most (not includin heeders) iz my prediction for this afternooon! (KO '12:30 bells' on BT)

On average we are havin two and a half efforts on target per game---and this includes heeders, direct free kicks, penalties and goals scored!

It reeely iz dire stuff to watch, and if we get anything from Chelski at SJP, then it will be a bonus for sure!  A bit of good news iz that top goalscorer Callum Wilson haz declared himself fit and haz trained yesterday! Ryan Frazer, however iz still crocked and wont take part!

More good news iz that Chelski will be withoot several key players, but just how will Bruce will take advantage of that? 

Defend, defend, defend and hope for a breakaway attack by hoofin the baall upfield? (az per usual)---and mee prediction for possession iz 30% to 'us' and 70% for wor visitors! (We shall soon find oot!)

Former players like Chris Sutton and Mark Lawrenson say we should be grateful that we have got 'Broken Nose Bruce' az manager and lorn to live with it!  ---And Villa player Gabby Agbonlahor haz caalled Toon fans 'deluded!' (But they divvint have to watch us every game---do they?)

WE expect The Champions Leegue says Lawrenson, when in fact we just want a team where we divvint faall asleep before the end of games and end up back in the-----Championship! πŸ˜¨

Aa reeely DO want the team to do well, of course aa do---and aa sincerly hope that a'v got 'egg on mee face', come '2:30 bells' this afternooon!

But will I? (hopefully so!)


A full Geordie Times 'mad-sad tellyhoppers' match report will appear here sometime on Sunday---Az per usual---watch this space!

"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"😴


Stop press! Wilson oot!---Joelinton in!πŸ₯Ά

HT 0-1  nee shots on target

Possession 20% to 80%

FT 0-2    1 shot on target (Carroll stoppage time)

Possession 29% to 71%

The Geordie Times predicted 30% to 70%

So sorry we were SO wrang!

We said we would have 3 shots on target when we had just 1 !

Full match report tomorrow! "ZZZzzzz!!!"😴

Friday, 20 November 2020

"NO ONE LIKES THEM!" (APART FROM THE SO CAALLED 'BIG SIX') "THEY DON'T CARE!"

 Posted '8:00pm bells' Friday 20th November 2020

^        From left to right      ^
A 'big six' shoe-----Richard Masters!
"Lick, lick, grovel, grovel!"




A damning letter from the DCMS Committee to The Premyaa Leegue aboot the deathly silence and non co-operation to bail oot lower leegue clubs, reaches us!



The incompetence of cheef exec Richard (Disaster) Masters and hiz sidekick Gary Hoffman iz staggerin', with the usual "de nowt, say nowt" message, in the hope that everybody will gan away and forget aboot it!

(Like the NUFC takeower which HAZZINT been forgotten!)



No one likes them apart from Liverpool, The London big 3 and the 2 Manc clubs, who the Premyaa Leegue bends ower backward to keep happy! ("Lick, Lick, Grovel, Grovel!")

The rest of the 14 Prem clubs and the 72 lower Leegue clubs divvint come into the equation az far az Masters and Co. are concorned!

Just az lang az 'the (so caalled) big six' are kept happy! 

The sooner they are forced to leave their posts the better!



AND YOUR 'BIRDS' CAN SING!

 Posted '1:15pm bells' Friday 20th November 2020



NUFC have issued a statement in relation to the 'leakin' of a report that they intend to gan to arbitration with The Premyaa Leegue, ower the never endin' takeower saga!



This woz supposed to be confidential, but somebody from the Premyaa Leegue's side 'sang like a canary', in an attempt to put yet anothaa 'spanner in the works' to try and stop the takeower by the PIF group!

The Premyaa Leegue's legal team are caalled 'BIRD & BIRD'!

"Say no more!---wink, wink, nudge, nudge, TWEET, TWEET!" 



Tuesday, 17 November 2020

DOON MEMORY LANE *** MIDDLESBROUGH 1996

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 17th November 2020

RIVERSIDE STADIUM 1996
(Before the corners were filled in)


It woz the year of 'The Entertainers' when NUFC went to Boro's new abode and won 2-1 to gan 12 points clear at the top of The Premyaa Leegue!

It seems such a lang time ago now, especially when yoo look just how far doon the peckin order we have dropped since then!

From title contenders to relegation contenders now! (2 relegations since those heady days!)

An  archive match report from that game at The Riverside Stadium ower 24 years ago iz printed below! (Ground 133) 

PS: This archive match report will be mee 151st new ground report in total, oot of the 346 I have  visited watchin NUFC teams---leavin 195 reports still to de! (It's a marathon for certain!)

133 riverside stadium, middlesbrough

Ground number 133
Date of First Visit: 10th February 1996
Riverside Stadium, Middlesbrough

Middlesbrough 1
Newcastle United 2 (Steve Watson, Les Ferdinand) 

FA Premier League
Attendance: 30,011 (3,000 Toon fans)


"GET YOUR 'KICKS' ON ROUTE 66!"

This win meant that NUFC went 12 points clear of Man U at the top of the Premyaa Leegue for a brief period!

Az we travelled doon the A19 towards Teesside, on 'Barrett's bus', yoo could see from a distance the huge steel and chemical works that darkened the skyline with pollution, smog and dust! (a more depressin place in the UK would be hard to find!)
VIEW OF TEESSIDE FROM THE A19
(Now yoo know why they are caalled 'The Smoggies'!)


However! Wor forst ever visit to 'The Smoggies' new tin shack abode, woz not a happy one for some Toon fans, who were ambushed and attacked by 'The Smog Monsters' near the A66 duel carriageway near to the stadium before the kick off!

Some Toon fans, includin' Davy 'The Silver Fox' were kicked in the back, az the fighting spilled onto the carriageway, stopping the traffic in the process--which brought a new meaning to the legendary song, 'Get your 'kicks' on route 66'! (sic!)

This woz the forst of the 'new build' stadiums and it looked like a chatty Lego construction from the ootside---built on the cheap for certain!

It woz near some chemical works and the smell woz akin to rotting eggs az we waalked past, az plumes of thick smoke rose into the sky above!

Inside, we were behind the goal and one Toon fan had a full chemical suit on and he woz reet next to the segregation area, with the Boro fans on the othaa side!   They were non too pleezed to see him and were gannin metal az he stood with his arms folded, lookin their way!
It woz hilarious!  (After this game the 'dibble' banned away fans from wearin face masks!)

The game 'kicked off' with The Toon on the attack from 'the off' az we attacked the end we were in! (NUFC had obviously lost the toss!)

But it woz 'the Smoggies' who had the better chances az they went close several times, with Brazilian Juninho their star man!

In the forst half Keith Gillespie had a great chance in front of the 3,000 Toon fans behind the goal, but hiz effort went wide!

But then disaster struck in the 37th minute, when, at the other end a Juninho cross woz inadvertently put into hiz own net by John Beresford az the 'Smog Monsters' went wild with delight behind that goal!

The turnin' point in the game came in the 2nd half when new signing Tino Asprilla replaced Gillespie and hiz pinpoint cross from the wing foond Steve Watson's heed and he plants the baall into the net for the equaliser in the 74th minute!
The drama wasnt ower however, and just 4 minutes later, a Peter Beardsley pass foond Les Ferdinand who made nee misstayk az he fired a shot underneath the body of Boro goalie Gary Walsh to win the game in the 78th minute!----This sent the Toon fans crazy at the other end!

Az the final whistle blew, there were scenes of jubilation az NUFC went 12 points clear at the top of the Premyaa Leegue table!
The convoy of coaches filled with very happy Toon fans left on the retorn jorney to Tyneside via the A66 (where else?)
"Get your kicks on route 66!" (You'd better beleeeve it!)






  

Monday, 16 November 2020

HERE COMES THE SUN!? (HOPEFULLY!)

 P🌞sted '1:42pm bells' Munday 16th N😎vember 2🌞2😎


News that Brentfaad have foond the porfect place to put away fans, (when we are allowed to gan back!) reaches The Geordie Times!

Lookin directly into the sun from their allocated section!

Of course, when we play Brentfaad on 22nd December in the qwaataa finals of the Leegue Cup it will be behind closed doors!- another new groond we cannot gan tee after wor enforced 'no show' at Newport in the last roond!

So we are hopin that they win promotion this season so that 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' can get a sun tan next season! (providing of course that WE divvint gan doon!)

Brentfaad are currently just ootside the play off positions in The Championship!

"Come on yoo Bees!"



Saturday, 14 November 2020

DOON MEMORY LANE *** WOTFAAD 1984

 Posted '10:01pm bells' Saturday 15th November 2020

THE HOUSE OF HORRORS HOTEL, LOUGHBOROUGH!

Anothaa Saturday withoot a futbaall 'fix', so a'v delved into the archives again after watchin BBC news where Alfred Hitchcock's horror film 'Phsyco' woz featured!---This brought memories floodin back of a trip to Wotfaad's Vicarage Road groond 36 years ago in 1984, when we stopped off in Loughborough on the way back from the game! 

(Ground 073)  

See archive match report from that game, below

073 vicarage road watford


(GROUND NUMBER 73)

Date of First Visit: 27th October 1984

VICARAGE ROAD, WATFORD

WATFORD 3

NEWCASTLE UNITED 3  (Neil McDonald, Peter Beardsley, Kenny Wharton)

(OLD) DIVISION ONE

ATTENDANCE: 18,753 (3,000 Toon fans)


“PSYCHO   THREE!  THREE!”

      “SORRY ABOUT THE CHIP IN THE CUP!”


“THE TALE OF THE CHIPPED CUP!” (WITH NE HANDLE!)

Aa went on ‘Finks Travels’ for this one (ie: MY ‘jamjar’!) and in addition ‘Magpie Travel’ had aboot 20 bus loads of fans who’d aalso made the jorney doon, which meant ‘The Toon’ had a canny followin’ on this grey October day!

Ronny ‘The Hunter’ who waz one of wor travellin’ companions had insisted that we left orly to catch openin’ time in Watford and we duly set of at ‘six am bells’ to comply with hiz wishes!

However!---we got there very late coz of major traffic congestion on the ‘M1’, and wih parked behind some allotments doon a narrow lane a few hundred yards from the groond with less than half an hour to spare ‘til kick off and to top it aall we were ne where near any boozers eetha! (much to ‘The Hunters’ annoyance!)

Yih had ti walk through the ‘said’ allotments tih reach the tornstiles and with the ‘three bells’ start time approachin’ we had to make A MAJOR DECISION!---ie: Eetha miss wor pre match ‘gargels’---or!---miss the start of the match!

It waz ‘ne contest!’---‘the match’ waz more important than’the hootch!’ and so we hurried towards a ‘cut’ which winded through the allotments and tih the tornestiles beyond!

It waz more like ‘Follow the grey shingle track’ than ‘Elton Johns’ ‘ Follow the Yellow Brick Road!’ and some keen gardeners were merrily diggin’ their ‘precious plots’ and hoein’ the weeds az the Geordie hoards made their way to the groond! (diggin’the weeds waz obviously more excitin’ than watchin’ Watford!)

There were lang queues at the tornstiles, and so it waz just az well that we’d went straight there, rather than gan for ‘that’ ‘gargel’ doon the road! (yiv got to get yi priorities reet!—ah meen!---yih can get a few Arthur Scargills at anytime!---carnt yi?---but yi can hardly ask Peter Beardsley tih ‘re-score’ hiz spectacular owerheed sizzers kick again coz yi missed it!---can yi?)

This waz a typical lower league ground of that time, with a mixture of open terraces and wooden stands.

Wor end waz covered terracin’ which waz very shallow, and tih get a good view yi had tih crane yi neck and stand on yi tip-toes tih see anything at aall! (good job a’m six foot taall!) (NOT so good if yi a Dennis Wise size guy!)

A’d managed to get a good vantage point az the game kicked off, but there were hundreds of Toon plonkies who had ‘risked’ a ‘quick liquid’, who were still ootside, desperate to gain admittance az anly two tornstiles were open! (which waz typical of a ground like this in them days!) and yi could hear them shootin’ and baallin’ to get in! (drunken bu**ers!---shud have got hear orlier like us!)

Watford would normally expect a few hundred away fans and not the thoosands that The Toon had brung that day!  The players ran oot to rapturous applause with ‘ROCKET MAN’! (wot else?) blarin’ oot ower the (very!) loud speakers! (*a message to aall yeez ‘young pups’ readin’ this!---Elton John waz Watford’s chairman in them days!)

LET THE ACTION COMMENCE!

We made a great start orly on and took the lead after fine work from Chris Waddle on the wing, who foond Pat Heard and he threaded a through baall to Neil McDonald who fired home at ‘The Vicarage Road End’ at the far end of the groond from us.

John Anderson then made two excellent clearences off wor goal line and thanx mainly to him we went in 1-0 up at half time.

It wasn’t lang before we doubled wor lead in the second period when Heard and McDonald combined to send a through baall to ‘Pedro Beardsley’ and he slooted the baall past the advancin’ Watford keeper to put us two goals clear in front of the ecstatic 3,000 Toon faithful in ‘The Allotment End’.

However!---this waz NUFC and before lang the home side had pulled one back followin’ tremendous pressure on the Toon goal.

The Inevitable equaliser came a few minutes later and a point looked on the cards.

Nevertheless!---Kenny Wharton had otha ideas and put us 3-2 aheed near the end to the fotha delight of the travellin’ fans.

Wor hearts then sank in injury time az ‘The Blaydon Races’ rang oot aroond Vicarage Road when Watford cruely denied us wor win with a last gasp equaliser! (it just wasn’t to be!)



“THE HOUSE OF HORRORS!”

After the game we heeded back alang the track and after stickin’ a pin in mee ‘AA’ road atlas, wi decided to heed for Loughborough in Leicestershire az it wasn’t too much ‘drinkin time distance’ away! (er!---actually! The ‘pin’ had ended up stuck in some unprenoooceable place in north Wales with with aboot twenty seven letters beginnin’ with ‘LLL’! (too far away for a ‘gargel’, and in the wrang direction!---so Loughborough it waz!)


We duly arrived in Loughborough,  namely Bob ‘’Patter’, ’Tex’ Taylor, Ronny ‘The Hunter’, ‘Fawlty Dowaz’, ‘Smudger’ and of course little ol’ me! (Er!—that’s six of us in a five seater car?---mee memory must be playin’ tricks???)

On arrival, we dumped the car in a side street and heeded for the nearest waaterin’ hole for some ‘sustenance’ and to ask for the nearest (and cheapest!) hotel.

We asked the pub manager where we could get digs for the neet and he pointed us in the direction of the toon centre

A scruffy deranged lookin’ ‘Rigsby type character’ waz eavesdroppin’  on wor conversation az he supped hiz pint of ‘lubrication’ at the bar!  He waz az ‘skinny az a rake and he had lang scraggly hair and huge teeth that a shire horse would have been proud of!

He piped up---“I’ve got a large lodgin’ house not far from here and I could put you up for TWO QUID includin’ a bacon and egg breakfast in the mornin’ az my lodgers are away at the moment!”

TWO F*****’ QUID! FOR BED AND BREKKIES!?---It was an offer we COULDN’T refuse and so we arranged to meet him at ‘chuckin’ oot time’ ootside the boozer!

Battered and bruised with the drink (we bumped into a couple of lamp post on the way!) we staggered back to the forst boozer after several pints in the toon centre hostelries and dives. ‘Rigsby’ (az he waz now ‘affectionately’  known!) duly torned up (‘cattle trucked’ az well!) at the appointed time and we heeded up a hill with ne street lights where a huge three story hoose stood on it’s own.
"SOMEWHERE IN LOUGHBOROUGH!"

Uncannily---it looked remarkably like Bates Motel in the Alfred Hitchcock house of horrors film ‘Psycho’ and the anly thing that waz missin’ were a few bats and ‘Norman Bates’ himself! (the psychopath hotel owner in the film!) Although there waz a full moon to complete the scene! (Honest!)

But!---and  come to think of it!?, wor 'deranged friend' with hiz huge teeth and scraggly hair DID look a bit like Norman Bates’s mother from the same film! (help!)

(‘Q’ High pitched violin music!) “EEE! EEE! EEE! EEE! EEE! EEE! EEE!”

Anyway!---He took us up to the rooms where threadbare carpets adorned the creakin’ floorboards and me and ‘Smudger’ were allocated one of the lodgers rooms on the second floor, which wouldn’t have been oot of place in Steptoes livin’ room. (hardly ‘The Ritz’!---ne wonder it waz anly two quid a neet!)

Az soon az we got in we  bolted the door securely,(just in case!) and ‘Smudger’ (who I didn’t naa very well) then started searchin’ the draws and cupboards,  where he foond a half eaten ham sarnie covered in green mould and an apple ‘gook’ which had been bitten to the core!

From there he went into ‘the toolshed’ and took the back off the toilet cistern to have a look inside???

He then came back and started takin’ the pictures off the waalls and undoin’ the frames to look inside the back covers???

“WOT! THE F**K ARE YI DEEIN’ LIKE!?”, aa said to him, thinkin’ that ‘the demon drink’ had taken it’s toll and he didn’t naa wot he was deein’!

“This iz where they hide the money, Fink!”, he said excidedlee az he prized a picture frame off with a kitchen knife he’d foond in one of the draws, but hiz sorch for any hidden ‘treasure’ waz in vain (apart from the sarny and apple gook!) and he re-hung the pictures back onto the waall

(it wasn’t until later on, when aa telt the rest of the lads wot he’d done, that aa waz telt that he waz a F*****’ HOOSE BURGLAR!) (“help!”---“where’zz  mee wallet gone!”)



Next mornin’ aa had a quick wash n’ brush up in the manky bathroom, az there waz ne way aa waz gannih take a shower az half the floor tiles were missin’ or broken.  On top of that, there were loose electric cables hangin’ from the wall sockets next to the shower cubicle and aa didn’t fancy bein’ electrocuted! (OR stabbed to death, like in the film!)  It waz then doon the stairs to the manky basement dinin’ room where brekkies waz bein’ sorved from ‘hells kitchen’.
"AA WASN'T TAKIN' ANY CHANCES!"



‘Rigsby’, who looked eerily like ‘death waamed up’ from hiz hangower ,  offered me a cup tea, but when he came back with the cup,  he uttered these ‘immortal words’ that will live with me forever!: “SORRY ABOUT THE CHIP IN THE CUP!”, he said, az he handed it to me------the anly problem waz!!!----it had NE F*****’ HANDLE! (which had been broken clean off!)
AN ARTIST'S IMPESSION OF THE 'SAID' CUP!



After a quick ‘slurp’ of stewed tea from ‘the cup with ne handle’, aa peered into ‘hells kitchen’ and could see that the stove waz thick of grease az he used the fryin’ pan spatchaler to flick the black fat onto the fried eggs, most of which missed the eggs and splattered onto the filthy waalls! (the word ‘food poisonin’ came to mind!) (ie: Egon Ronay cuisine it wasn’t!)

But we WERE ‘Hank Marvin’ by this time (starvin’!) and we forced the bacon, eggs and grease laden brekkies doon wor ‘john o groats’! (nearly ‘hoyin up’ in the process!)  before sayin’ wor ‘goodbyes’, thankful that we hadn’t been electrocuted, poisoned or stabbed to death in ‘the house of horrors’! 

It waz then a three hour jorney back up the M1 and A1 back to Tyneside and yet another story to tell for the archives!----and di yi naa wot!?---a’v NEVA been back to Loughborough since that day!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)



TOON TV TIMES

 Posted '2:00pm bells' Saturday 14th November 2020



The scrapping of the controversial 'Pay Per View' meenz wor Γ way game v Cristil Paliss has been moved forward one day to Friday 27th November for live telly on Amazon Prime at '8:00 bells'

So that meenz we anly have two games left this month, az we play Chelski at SJP in Saturday 21st November, live on BT at '12:30 bells'

Aall games in December are subject to change except wor away Leegue Cup qwaataa final tie at Brentfaad's brand new abode on Tuesday 22nd December, live on Sky at '5:30 bells'

AALL games in December WILL be televised on eethaa Sky, BT, Amazon Prime, or the BBC

When we find oot the conformed dates, we will of course let yiz naa!



Friday, 13 November 2020

DOON MEMORY LANE *** LIVAAPOOOL 1968

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 13th November 2020


Az we have nee games at aall to gan tee, because of the one month lockdoon, a'v 'dug up'  some old match reports from 1968 when aa woz still a skoool kid!

The first one is from October 1968--mee forst 'lang distance' away game at Anfield.

The Beatles were number one in the charts with 'Hey Jude'

(Ground number 003)

See archive match report from that game, below!

003 anfield liverpool


GROUND NUMBER 3

Date of First Visit: 26th OCTOBER 1968

ANFIELD, LIVERPOOL


LIVERPOOL 2 

NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Tommy Gibb)



(OLD) DIVISION ONE

ATTENDANCE 45,323 (3,000 Toon fans)






"SHE LOVES YOU!, YEAH! YEAH!YEAH!"                                   




Anfield!, The Kop!, The Beatles!. This was mee forst ‘lang distance away game’ followin’ ‘The Toon’ as a young schoolboy (at least aa! thought it was a lang way!) and aa caught the supporters club coach from Morden Street in The Haymarket at ‘six bells’ (there were ne motorways up here in them days, so yi had to leave orly!) for the princely sum of 12 shillings and sixpence!. (60 odd pence in todays money!)

(The anly other groonds a’d been te at the time were St James’ Park of course and the away derby at ‘yee naa where’!)



The Beatles were in their heyday and the Scousers used tih sing their songs on The Kop, while everyone of them seemed tih be wearin' a suit 'n' tie---and not a futbaall top in sight!?.


However!---there WERE hundreds of home made flags and banners nailed ontih sticks, wavin’ in The Kop. (one of which looked liked a bed sheet which waz probably ‘half inched’ from some poor mutha’s bed?) (OR!---from some poor wifey’s washin’ line!) 



Add that tih the thoosands of scarf wavers and the whole end looked like a ‘sea of red’ az they swayed from side tih side singin’: ‘She loves you yeah! yeah! yeah!’, amongst other classics (Quite a sight!)


There were a canny few Toon fans in the Anfield Road end wavin’ THEIR scarves iz well, singin’ ‘The Blaydon Races’ in reply (although!, ah did’nt spot any ‘bed sheet nickers’ from wor lot!) and they mixed freely with the Liverpool fans.

(Ne crowd segregation in them days!)


A’v got to say that aa was very impressed with Anfield at the time as it had cover on aall fower sides. (a rarity in the 60’s) To wor left was the Kemlyn Road Stand which had a roof that sloped doonwards so as not to block the light from the terraced hooses in the street behind.  The main stand to wor right had a barrel shaped roof not unlike the West Stand at the Toon and it had a gable at the front with the clubs name on it painted in bright red.  The Kop opposite was huge and held more than half the groonds capacity and in keepin’ had a huge roof to cover it. Wor end was aboot a thord of the Kops size and the roof covered three qwaatas  of the terraces.



If ah remember rightly, it cost the princely sum of two bob tih get in (ten pence!) and the match programme (which ah still have today gatherin’ dust somewhere in mee loft!) cost 9d, which in todays money is aboot three and a half pence!

(Aye!---it meks iz feel quite ancient!---pass mee zimmer frame!)



The Toon went ahead after 21 minutes, when Alan Foggon centred the baall tih Tommy Gibb, who's spectacular shot hit the back of the net, givin' Liverpool keeper Tommy Lawrence ne chance.



(This was the Toons forst---and last!---shot of the game!)



Wor lead was short lived however, when the 'Scousers' levelled the score two minutes later, when teenage sensation Alun Evens vollyed home.

The noise of the crowd waz unbelievable and ah can remember coverin’ mee lugs with mee hands az a loud shrill like sound enveloped the whole groond!

(Not unlike the reception The Beatles used tih get when they appeared on stage!)



We held oot until the 85th minute under a barrage from the Liverpool forwards, but then Willie McFaul, (who'd had a blinder up 'til then) made a terrible blunder, when he failed to hold a weak shot from Peter Thompson, and the baall slipped through his hands and open legs---and into the net!



The sight of the Toon goalie stampin' the groond in frustration, just aboot summed up how AH felt!, and wih went doon 2-1.



A'd had a brilliant day (apart from the score!) and mee forst proper away game was under mee belt---ah was hooked! and after the game wih heeded for Blackpool Illuminations (yi could say, a’d ‘seen the light’!)


“Arsenal---Arsenal---here we come!"  (Wor next away game!)                 




              

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST