THE TOON 4 THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 30th Octobaa 2022

HALLOWEEN PARTY TIME!

This woz a game of 2 halfs az NUFC huffed and puffed durin the forst 45 minute + 10 mins stoppage time due to a bad injury to Villa's goalie Martinez, who woz kneed by one of hiz own players in the 35th minute and had to be replaced by Olsen! haloween 

We'd had a couple of good chances through Wilson and Longstaff who both shot wide orly on, but we just couldnt get oot of 2nd gear!

The breakthrough came 6 minutes into stoppage time when Villa defender Ashley Young controlled the baall with hiz upper arm in the box and the ref pointed straight to the spot!

Callum Wilson took it and slammed the baall doon the middle with Olsen divin' to hiz right at The Leazes End!  He then scored again, but the goal woz ruled oot for offside by VAR   HT 1-0 up!

The 2nd half woz SO different with NUFC dominatin from start to finish. 11minutes after the restart Wilson double wor lead when a 'one-two' between Almiron and Trippier from a corner woz crossed by Trippier who crossed the baall for Wilson to nod in from close in!

3 minutes later and it woz 3-0 when a Wilson shot woz parried by their sub keeper to Joelinton and he said, "thank you very much!" az he fired the baall into the back of the net!

Then the goal of the game in the 67th minutre when Almiron send a brilliant 20 yard bender into the corner of the Gallowgate End net, with their goalie well beaten, to send the crowd wild!

It woz aall 'one way traffic' az we peppered their goal with numerous shots---too many to mention and hit the woodwork twice through Wilson (bar) and Murphy (post)!

It could easily been 7 or 8, but we had to settle for the 4-0 win to consolidate wor 4th place in the table!

Like we said in wor previous match report THE TOON ARE BACK AND YOU'D BETTER BELEEEEVE IT!

Attendance: 52,233

*Before the match the Villa fans sang the: "Cheer up Alan Shearer, sad Geordie b*stard---and a shit football team!" song

The reality iz that THEY are the sad b*stards with a shit futbaall team for certain! (They havint won in their last 15 visits!)

THIS PHOTO OF THE EMPTY SEATS IN THE VILLA END WOZ TAKEN 20 MINUTES BEFORE FULL TIME

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HAPPY TOON FANS OOTSIDE 'THE STRAWBERRY' AFTER THE MATCH

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THE TOON V THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS **** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 29th Octobaa 2022

THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD

Unbeaten at SJP for months NUFC take on a Villa side who have a new manager in Unal Emery ---who of course torned us doon a year ago!

He cannit take charge til November because of work permit issues so caretaker manager Aaron Danks will be in the away dugoot!

Elliot Anderson haz been declared fit to play, while Saint Max iz likely to feature after bein' oot through injury!

NUFC are unbeaten in wor last 7 Premyaa Leegue home games stretchin' back 6 months, while Villa havint won away in 6 attempts this season---with anly 3 away goals scored!

Indeed under 'Steady Eddie' we have anly lost twice at SJP in the Premyaa Leegue, since he took ower nearly a year ago!

And if results gan wor way this weekend we could actually move up to 3rd place in the table!----UNREAL!---considerin' where we were a year ago----ROCK BOTTOM!

Its a '3 bells' untelevised start and a full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!  Az per usual "Watch this space!"

SPORZ PUB CRAWL!----RUNNIN' TOTAL FOR AALL GAMES THIS SEASON SO FAR!----78

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 28th Octobaa 2022

  THE GIANT BISCUIT TIN STADIUM, TOTTENHAM!

*Aa naa its a bit late to put wor pub crawl list online from last weekend--but this IZ The Geordie Times after aall! 

 Because wor game v Sporz woz moved twice we kept the same '9am bells' train doon last Saturday (when the match woz supposed to be played!) 

Because the game wasnt played til Sunday we had plenty of time to dee an extended pub crawl aroond King's Cross, Euston and Holborn in Central London on arrival at 'high noon 🔔 bells'

SATURDAY, 10 'liquid lubrication locations' visited! ("Hic!")

SUNDAY, (just!) 2 'liquid lubrication locations' visited

    Before the match

   After the match

*RUNNIN' TOTAL FOR AWAY GAMES WE HAVE BEEN TEE SO FAR! 

78 'LIQUID LUBRICATION LOCATIONS' 

TOUR OF AUSTRIA: 41

BRIGHTIN: 8   

TRANNY ROVERS: 2  

WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ: 4

LIVAAPOOOL: 4

FULIM: 6

VILLA U21s: 0

MOAN U MUPPETEERS: 1

SPORZ: 12

NUFC REARANGED FIXTURES AND TELLY TIMES FOR DECEMBER AND JANUARY!

 Posted '12:32pm bells' Wedinzday 26th Octobaa 2022

The telly times for the festive period have been released TWO WEEKS later than advertised!

Boxin' Day Munday 26th December 

The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa at The King Power at '3:00 bells' (PRIME)

New Years Eve Saturday 31st December

Leeedz at SJP at '3:00 bells' (Nee telly)

Tuesday 3rd January 2023

The Arse at The Emirates at '8:00 pm bells' (SKY)

Saturday 7th January (FA Cup 3rd roond---venue and opponents to be decided)

Saturday 14th January

Fulim at SJP (Could change)

Saturday 21st January 

Cristil Palliss at Selhurst (Could change)

*The anly one that "f**ks us up" so far iz The Arse away midweek at '8:00pm bells', which meeenz we have nee choice but to stop owerneet somewhere near King's Cross in London (Again!)

We still divvint naa when we will play Fulim and Palliss, despite theeze roond of fixtures due oot with the rest of the above two weeks ago???

  

SPORZ 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted on the '10:00pm bells' train back from London, Sunday 23rd Octobaa 2022 on mee mobile 'telling bone' and updated on Munday and Tuesday on mee laptop

"DANCIN' AND SINGIN' IN THE RAIN!"

This iz a great day for everybody connected with NUFC az this iz the day that we have cemented wor place back in the upper reaches of The Premyaa Leegue after many years in the wilderness at the wrang end of the table in relegation scraps!

Callum Wilson opened the scorin in the 31st minute when he clashed with Sporz goalie Lloris ootside the box and he lobbed the baall into the net with the keeper lyin poleaxed on the groond!  VAR conformed the goal woz OK after protests from Sporz players!

Miggy Almiron doubled wor lead 9 minutes later when he took a pass from Longstaff and roond a home defender to double wor lead and we went in 2-0 UP at the break!

Durin the half time interval the sky torned grey and black and thunder and lightning lit up the heavens!

Aall of a sudden it started to pelt doon with torrential rain of biblical propotions, az the wind blew it into the stands!

Within seconds we were drenched to the bone and aall of a sudden 100s made for the shelter of the concourses! (Put it this way! If a'd jumped into the river Tyne fully clothed aa couldn't have been any wetter and aa half expected Noah's Ark appear on the pitch at any time!) 🠜Slight exaggeration!  

Mee so caalled waterproof jacket woz soaked through az woz mee jeans and boxer shorts!  I woz in row 15 and made mee way to the very back row of the away section to try a keep dry!  A billion pound stadium where at least 30,000 of the 60,000 plus crowd got a good drenching! (The worst and heaviest downpour at a match av ever known!)

The fear woz that if the rain kept falling so heavily that the pitch wud become waterlogged and the match abandoned!

Thankfully the rain eased off and the 2nd half started!

Harry Kane pulled one back in the 54th minute, but instead of defendin' we stayed on the attack to try and score another, rather than 'parkin the bus'!

The 'new' Newcasil have come a lang way in the last 12 months!

The win lifts us up to a Champions Leegue position in 4th place az soaken fans and players danced and celebrated wildly at the end of the match!

"Dancin' and singin' in the rain!"

Just one undeserved defeat at Livaapoool oot of 13 played (12 Premyaa Leegue, 1 Leegue Cup) make very impressive reading for the new regime! 

We won't single any particular player oot for praise---they were aall outstandin'!

*Attendance:61,726 (30,000 rather wet fans!)

THE TOON ARE BACK! YOU'D BETTER BELEEEVE IT!

   WOT THE PAPERS SAY

SPORZ v THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '9:30 am 🔔 bells' on train to King's Cross, Saturday 22nd Octobaa 2022

LAST TIME WE WERE HERE LAST SEASON--A SHATTERIN' 5-1 DEFEAT!

"SKY TELLY AND RAIL WORKERS COULD'NT GIVE A SHIT ABOOT FUTBAALL FANS!"

We are off on wor travels a day orly for the game at Sporz az we booked the 9am bells train to King's Cross for the 5:30 bells kick off today, which had been changed for live telly from the '3bells kick off!

After we booked trains and an hotel for the Saturday neet---guess wot?  The b*stards changed it again to a 4:30 bells kick off on the SUNDAY!

SO!---instead of watchin the match on Saturday and stayin owerneet to travel back at 2pm bells' on Sunday, we are now gannin doon today and stoppin owerneet for the game TOMORROW! (wot a carry on!)

We've had to change the train back coz it left BEFORE the new kick off time, and are now catchin the '10bells' train back on Sundat neet!

On top of THAT we foond oot orlier this week that there iz anothaa train strike on the weekend we play Sooothampton away, makin the train 'no go', so we have to travel by road there and back!!! (700miles roond trip!)

The THORD time a train strike haz effected us this season in lang distance games! (Brightin away (700 miles roond trip), Fulim away (600 miles roond trip) and now Sooothampton away!) (No one likes us---they don't care!)

PS: We are due to arrive at King's Cross at 'high noon bells' today ---TWENTY EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS BEFORE KICK OFF!  (Looks like a very lang 'pub crawl' today and tomorrow!!!)

Will dee match report on Munday sometime!  Az per usual!-------

 "Watch this space!"

*

THE TOON 1 THE TOFFEE NOSES 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted 'just after high noon bells' Thorzday 20th Octobaa 2022

Not the best game yill evaa see, but the goal that won it WOZ one of the best yoo WILL evaa see! 

MIGGY'S GOAL, 'LITTLE ARMS' CANNIT REACH THE BAALL!

Miggy Almiron scored it in the 30th minute, when 2 passes across the park from Brazilians Joelinton and Bruno foond the Paraguayan and he hit a sweet left footer from 25 yards oot, ower the heed of 'little arms' Pickford the mackem we love to hate, to score the anly goal of the game at The Leazes End!

It shud have been many more az we pounded the Evaatin goal in the forst half, but had to settle for the one goal lead at the break!

Evaatin to be honest were p*ss poor and in total had just ONE shot in the entire game, compared to 16 from The Toon!

The 2nd half woznt az good, but the 3 points are aall that matters az we gan from strength to strength!

The win keeps us in 6th place in the table with just one (undesorved) defeat in the 12 games we have played so far this season! (11 Leegue, 1 Leegue Cup)

It shud be noted that on this day one year ago a certain failed manager woz sacked by NUFC, when we were rock bottom of the table with nee wins and just 5 points, to be replaced by Steady Eddie who haz done a MAGnificent job since last November when he took the reigns! (NUFC have 18 points under Eddie so far!)

Attendance: 52,204  (3,000 Toffee Noses at the start of the game and 1,500 at the end of the game!)

🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖🦖

CAN YOO SPOT THE DINOSAUR IN 

THE GALLOWGATE END?

   WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

THE TOON V THE TOFFEE NOSES*** TOONEET

 Posted just after 'high noon 🔔 bells' Wedinzday 19th Octobaa 2022

TOON FANS SHOW THEIR LOYALTY TO THE CROWN OOTSIDE THE STRAWBERRY CORNER

Tooneet at '7:30 bells' we face Evaatin at SJP in wor forst midweek Premyaa Leegue game of the season!

Saint Max and Alexander are both oot, but the rest shud be fit and rearing to gan!

A full Geordie Times match report will be forthcomin tomorrow! Az per usual

"Watch this space!"

MOAN U MUPPETEERS 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2022-2023

 Posted  from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 17th Octobaa 2022

THE TOON ARE IN WOR WHITE AND GREEN CHANGE STRIP

"A GAME THAT WE SHUD HAVE WON, WHICH WE NEARLY LOST!"

*For the forst time in many a long year we had faith that we could grap aall 3 points at 'The Theatre of Muppets'!

Indeed we started off on the front foot az we attacked the East Stand (formerly The Scoreboard End) where the 3,000 Toon fans were housed.

VIEW FROM EAST STAND TIER 1 UPPER, ROW 3

The best chance came in the 25th minute when a free kick from Trippier near the edge of the box rebounded to him and he sent a lob into the box and Joelinton heeded it onto the bar!---It rebounded to him and hiz second heeder smashed off the post and into touch! 

Callum Wilson woz then squashed by 2 of their defenders in the box for a clear penalty, but the ref waved 'play on' and it didn't even gan to VAR (an absolute disgrace!) Hiz shirt woz aalso tugged on anothaa occasion in the box, but again nowt woz given???

HT 0-0

The second half woz more Moan U az they attacked 'wor end' and at the death they had 2 chances to score when Fred missed an open goal and an unmarked Rashford somehow missed the goal with a heeder from close in! (thank the Lord!)

Before that, Ronaldo woz booked for moanin' after he took the baall off Nick Pope before a free kick to us woz taken!---Schar had rolled the baall back to Pope to take the kick---Ronaldo claimed that because Schar had rolled the baall back to Pope that the kick had actually been taken, when it woz not!  He waved hiz arms aboot like a 5 year old and woz rightly shown the yellow card by the ref for protestin'! (He's 37!)

He aalso moaned and shook hiz heed in disbelief when he woz substituted by Rashford late on! (Moanaldo perhaps?) 

Fernandes aalso constantly moaned at the ref for the full 90 minutes!

That iz the reason we caall them Moan United!

FT 0-0

Attendance: 73,726 (3,000 Toon fans--70,736 muppets!)

For the forst time ever the Moan U fans never sang the, "Cheer up Alan Shearer, sad Geordie b*****d", song!

It woz aalso the quietest av ever known since mee forst Toon game here in the orly 1970s! 

The Toon fans az per usual were in 'full voice'! 

THE VIEW OF A VETERAN MOAN U FAN ON THE BBC MESSAGE BOARD!

The pre match gargels took place here in Salford Quays near both the BBC and ITV studios! (Moan U aalso play in Salford which iz a 20 minute walk from there)

And an hour before kick off, some Toon fan are aalready in their seats! (Or shud we say 'standin' places'?)