GEORDIE TIMES *** MAJOR TROPHY QUIZ

Posted '1:15pm bells' Wednesday 28th May 2014

How many different teams have won a major domestic trophy since NUFC last won one in 1955???

We will give yoo the answer tomorrow afternoon sometime!

Divvint 'Google it'! --take a guess?---- ne cheeetin'!

WORLD TOP 20 BEST SUPPORTED CLUBS *** AVERAGE GATES 2013-2014

Posted '8:10pm bells' Monday 26th May 2014

ST JAMES' PARK *** HOME OF THE WORLDS 13th BEST SUPPORTED CLUB!
(VIEW OF 'THE GALLOWGATE END' FROM ST JAMES' METRO STATION)

'The Geordie Times' stat man haz looked up the latest world average gates and 'The Toon' are (still!) in 13th place! 
Anly one non European team iz the top 20 (River Plate), which haz been totally dominated recently by European teams.
Az yoo can see Borussia Dortmund are by far and away the worlds best supported club!

The Top 20 List:

1 Borussia Dortmund (Jawmany) *** 80,297
2 The Manc Muppets (England) *** 75,207
3 Barcelona (Spain) *** 71,958
4 Bayern Munich (Jawmany) *** 71,000
5 Real Madrid (Spain) *** 70,754
6 Schalke 04 (Jawmany) *** 61,569
7 The Arse (England) *** 60,013
8 Borussia The Munchin' Gladbachs (Jawmany) *** 52,239
9 Hertha Berlin (Jawmany) *** 51,889
10 Hamborg (Jawmany) *** 51,825
11 Ajax (Holland) *** 50,907
12 Stuttgart (Jawmany) *** 50,498
13 The Toon (Geordieland!) *** 50,395
14 River Plate (Argentina) *** 48,000
15 The Manc Blue Moonies (England) *** 47,080
16 Eintracht Frankfurt (Jawmany) *** 47,052
17 Glasgaay Celtic (Scotland) *** 46,808
18 Atletico Madrid (Spain) *** 46,746
19 Inter Milan (Italy) *** 46,246
20 FC Koln (Jawmany) *** 46,235

(For more Toon attendance 'stats' scroll doon the page!)

NORTH EAST ENGLAND TOP 20 BEST SUPPORTED CLUBS *** AVERAGE GATES 2013-2014

Posted '8:25pm bells' Sunday 25th May 2014


ST JAMES' PARK *** HOME OF THE NORTH EAST'S BEST SUPPORTED CLUB!
(LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE MILBURN STAND FROM THE EAST STAND)


Below iz the list of the top 20 best supported north east clubs! (average gates)
Az per usual 'The Toon' are the best supported!

1 The Toon *** 50,395
2 The SMBs *** 41,090
3 The Smoggies *** 15,748 
4 The Monkey Hangers *** 3,723
5 Darlo *** 1,097
6 The Heedbangers *** 885
7 Berwick Strangers *** 468
8 Spennymoor Toon *** 430
9 The Spartans of Blyth *** 360
9 The Whitley Bay Watchers *** 299
10 Bishops *** 245
11 North Sheeelds *** 233 
12 The Pit Yakkers of Ashington *** 226
13 West Auckland Toon *** 218
14 Consett the Coldest Place on Earth *** 190
15 Shildonians *** 187
16 The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston 176
17 By Hook or by Crook *** 147
18 A'm gonna leave old Durham Toon (City!) *** 136
19 Aycliffe *** 129
20  Billy Sinners *** 119
 

UK TOP 20 BEST SUPPORTED CLUBS *** AVERAGE GATES 2013-2014

Updated '11:35am bells' Monday 26th May 2014

ST JAMES' PARK *** HOME OF THE UKs 3rd BEST SUPPORTED CLUB!
(VIEW OF THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD)
(Note the size of the red double decker bus in comparison to the stand!)

Below iz a list of the top 20 supported clubs in the old UK last season!
'The Toon' az per usual are in thord place!

1 The Manc Muppets *** 75,207 (2nd highest in the world)
2 The Arse *** 60,013 (7th highest in the world)
3 The Toon *** 50,395 (13th highest in the world!)
4 The Manc Blue Moonies *** 47,080 (15th highest in the world)
5 Glasgaay Celtic *** 46,808 (18th highest in the world)
6 The Liverbirds *** 44,671 (24th highest in the world)
7 Glasgaay Rangers *** 42,938 (28th highest in the world)
8 The Chelski OAPs *** 41,482 (32nd highest in the world)
9 The SMBs *** 41,090 (33rd highest in the world)
10 The Toffee Noses *** 37,732 (40th highest in the world)
11 The Hazbeenz & Villians *** 36,081 (world position not known?)
12 Sporz *** 35,808
13 The Jellied Eels Mob *** 34,197
14 Sooothampton *** 30,212
15 Cardiff Red Herrings *** 27,430
16 The Canary Custard Crumbles *** 26,805
17 The P*ss Potters *** 26,137
18 The Baggie Troosers *** 25,194
19 Leeedz *** 25,088
20 The Basil Brush Brigade *** 24,995

STEPTOE & SON! **** "COMIN' SOOON!"

Posted '9:04 pm bells' Saturday 24th May 2014


"THE CELEBRATIONS HAVE STARTED IN
 'SHEPHERD'S BUSH' AALREADY!!!"


QPRs 1-0 win ower 'The Derby Coonty Sheeps*aggers' in the Championship Play Off final @ Wembley today, meeenz that we must heed for the Shepherd's Bush area of London once again after a one year absence to face 'arry's  Rag and Bone Men'!

They replace 'The (relegated!) Jackson (less!) Jivers of Fulham' from that part of the capital, and visits to Bornley and 'The Bazil Brush Brigade of Leicester', make up the teams to retorn to 'The Premyaa' next season!

"THE 'REAL' DEAL!"

Posted '2:33 bells' Friday 23rd May 2014

"THE 'DADDY' OF AALL FUTBAALL CLUBS!"

'The Geordie Times' haz just foond oot that we are to have Spanish opposition in wor one and anly pre-season home game against!----------Wait for it!--------------------------------------------------------------
--REAL!!!!!!--- "Er!" ---SOCIEDAD!!!!

The game will tek place @ St James' on Sunday 10th August with a '1:30 bells' kick off!

"OVER-SEAZ IZ THE BEE'Z KNEEZ!"

Posted '2:10pm bells' Friday 23rd May 2014

For the forst time in the history of The Univorse, 'The Geordie Times' haz now had more owerseaz pageviews on this website than pageviews from the old UK

Owerseaz 'hits'***56,856
UK 'hits'***********56,711
Total 'hits'********113,567

We thank each and every one of yoo from Mexico to Mars for loggin' into this daft blog!

Cheers!

FINK (the mad-sad groundhopper!) and the rest of 'the team'!

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

"THOSE WERE 'THE DAYS' MY FRIEND!" *** QUIZ ANSWER!

Posted '1:27pm bells' Wednesday 21st May 2014


BOBBY MITCHELL SCORES THE TOON'S 3rd GOAL
TO SEAL VICTORY IN THE 1955 FA CUP FINAL
(WOR LAST EVER DOMESTIC TROPHY!
FINAL SCORE 3-1)

'The Geordie Times' computaaa went into meltdown at the sheer number of replies we got to wor quiz question yesterday (whey! ONE actually!)
The answer to yesterday's 'Geordie Times' quiz question of:
"How many days iz it since NUFC last won a major domestic trophy!"---IZ!:

21,563 days withoot a major domestic trophy!
(we got it horribly wrang! az we worked it oot at a mere 21,087!)

'Alex of St George' haz corrected us and wins the forst prize!--- Which iz!: He MUST! attend EVERY! NUFC home and away game next season!
(He haz since threatened to jump off the Tyne Bridge!)


An NUFC club spokesman said: "The Fat Controller' iz absolutely delighted that we have passed the '20,000 days mark' withoot a domestic trophy!"
"It makes Arsenal's 3,283 days withoot a trophy pale into insignificance, compared to our magnificent total!"

"Our ambition now is to pass the '25,000 days mark' and we hope to do it by signing 'on loan' and 'free transfer' players and play wor second team/juniors in the 'cups'!" 

"THOSE WERE 'THE DAYS' MY FRIEND!"

Posted '12:40pm bells' Tuesday 20th May 2014

WEMBLEY 1955

Last Friday az aa drove me truck doon to the Bormingham area once again, an 'Arsehole' fan from Melbourne in Australia came onto 'Talk Sport' and telt anybody who cared to listen with hiz 'sob story' that 'The Arse' had went 3,283 days since they had last won a domestic trophy! (9 years plus)

It got me 'finkin'???? how many days waz it since 'The Toon' won a domestic trophy???? The last one bein' the FA Cup ower 59 years ago on May 7th 1955!

Whey!---and usin' mee calculator on mee 'tellin bone', (and fingers and toes!) aa worked it oot! (including leap years!)

How many days do YOO 'fink' it iz ???? (includin' today!)

Ne cheatin' to work it oot yisel, mind!

It's one of the followin' five answers:
See if yoo can guess which one?????

"IZ IT!":
1: 14,988 ?
2: 15,701 ?
3: 18,005 ?
4: 20,805 ?
5: 21,087 ?

Aall give yiz the answer tomorrow--sometime! (NE CHEEETIN'!)
       

THE HEEDBANGERS 1 THE CAMBRIDGE BOAT RACERS 2 *** CONFERENCE PLAY OFF FINAL @ WEMBLEY

Posted '2:13pm bells' Monday 19th May 2014


HEEDBANGERS FANS CELEBRATE JACK LESTER'S GOAL!


"HEARTACHE FOR HEEDBANGERS!"

It' just wasn't to be, az 'The Heed' lost 2-1 to Cambridge in a lacklustre game @ Wembley in front of 8,000 plus Heedbangers and 10,000 plus 'Boat Racers'!

It waz a gloriously hot sunny day doon in 'London toon' az the train, packed with Heedbangers and fans of othaa north east clubs descended on King's Cross!

'THE BOAT RACERS' OOTSIDE 'THE GLOBE'!

The pubs though aroond Baker Street tube station like 'The Globe' were packed with Cambridge fans and the boozer we started off in, namely 'The Alsop Arms' waz aalso full of them, with just a few 'Heedbangers' in attendance---mainly wor motley crew!

We then moved on to Willseden Junction which iz just a couple of stops from Wembley for the final gargels before the match in 'The Royal Oak' before catchin the tube to Wembley Central!

It waz bakin' hot az we waalked up to the stadium and on enterin' aa could see that it waz a 100 times better than the old Wembley which aa last visited in 2000 for a Toon FA Cup semi against Chelski (we lost of course!)

'The Boat Racers' seemed to have slightly more fans than Gatesheed who's numbers were swelled by quite a few Toon fans wearin' the Black n white stripes! <("love thy neighbour!")

'The Heed' started off sluggishly and couldn't break doon the Cambridge defence az they attacked the 'East End' on the far side from us---They wornt any better, but then Gatesheed stepped up a gear in the 2nd period of the half, but withoot success, and the teams went in 'even Stevens' at the break!---it waz anybodys game!

The 2nd half started with a few attacks from Cambridge and they made the vital breakthrough in the 51st minute when Liam Hughes 'heeded home' past 'The Heed' keeper Adam Bartlett after a cross from Ryan Donaldson <(an ex Toon and Heed player!)

Then in the 70th minute Donaldson again broke Tyneside hearts with a magnificent free kick into the corner of the net!

The Heedbangers didn't give up though and Jack Lester pulled a goal back with just a few minutes remainin' az the Heed fans celebrated wildly, waving flags and settin off smoke bombs! ---But it waz to ne avail az the Cambridge keeper timewasted and then a bad injury to one of their players (who waz stretchered off!) forced 7 minutes of stoppage time with The Heed lookin' frantically for the equaliser to force extra time!---it wasn't to be though and the ref blew for full time to condemn them to at least anothaa season in The Conference!---next time maybeez???

Attendance: 19, 613 (8,000 broken hearted Heedbangers!)

      

"WEMBLEY!---WEMBLEY!---HERE WE COME!"

Posted '12:48 bells' Saturday 17th May 2014

"IZ THAT THE TYNE BRIDGE!?"

Tomorrow mornin' we 'heed' to Wembley in support of Gatesheed in their quest to get back into the Futbaall Leegue after a 54 year absence!
8,000 plus 'Heedbangers' (90% of them 'gloryhunters' like us!) will be 'waalkin' the waalk' doon Wembley Way tomorrow afternoon and at least the same number of Cambridge fans will be makin' the same jorney!
(kick off '4 bells')

We can anly hope that 'The Heedbangers' can de it and claim back their rightful place in leegue futbaall (They were shamefully voted oot in 1960, despite finishin' 3rd bottom, with the bottom 2 clubs, namely Hartlepools and Soothport below them , both re-elected!)

We are on the '7:45 bells' train to King's Cross and a glorious day iz expected--on and off the pitch! <(fingers and toes crossed!)

A full Geordie Times match and boozer report will follow sometime on Monday!
"HOWAY THE HEED!"

"HEEDIN' OFF TO WEMBLEY!"

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 16th May 2014

In celebration of Gatesheed's trip to Wembley on Sunday we have 'dug up' this archive from the distant past, when The Toon played The Heed @ Redheugh Park in Gatesheed some 44 years ago!

There'll be more to follow on the Wembley trip tomorrow!

"NO ONE LIKES US!" *** "WE DON'T CARE!"

Posted '1:16pm bells' Thorsday 15th May 2014

The above line iz taken from a Millwaall song, but in this case it iz NUFC who are singin' it to the fans of wor great club!

THE BACK PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY GILL'

The club had reiterated <(we hate that F*****' word!) that survival in The Premyaa Leegue takes aall presidents ower everythin' else and that 'The Fat Controller's' 'puppet on a string' 'I Beg Your Pardew', will indeed be wor manager/spokesman/dogsbody, come wot may ower the next 12 months!

The 'cups' again are of NO priority and we will NOT be attemptin' to win any, az this of course will 'interfere' with wor survival plans!

We are aalso telt that we CANNOT compete with the likes of Liverpool and will have to live within our means, despite bein' in the top 20 'world rich list' and bein' the 12th best supported futbaall club on the planet! <("Pass the beggin' bowl pleeeze!")

Where do we gan from here!---whey! Wembley with Gatesheed on Sunday for starters!---NUFC certainly won't get the chance to gan there next season!---that's a CERTAINTY!

Much more to follow on Gatesheed and 'The Heedbangers Army' Wembley trip ower the next couple of days! 

NUFC v SAFC *** PREMYAA LEEGUE GATES THIS SEASON

Final update: '1:28pm bells' Wednesday 14th May 2014


ST JAMES' PARK *** HOME OF THE NORTH EAST'S LOYALIST FANS!?
YOU DECIDE!

Az mentioned previously, safc fans are claimin' that they are just az loyal az nufc fans and because of this 'The Geordie Times' statttistician <(we can spell aall the big words!) haz published below the Premiership attendances of both clubs for this season from the 'highest' to 'lowest' from the 38 home games between the two clubs!



Key:
nufc in white
safc in pink

The NUFC v SAFC Premyaa Leegue final attendance table
2013-2014


Updated Monday 7th April 2014 

1 nufc v safc 52,280 (5,967 more than safc got against 'us'!)
2 nufc v arsenal 52,161 (13,106 more than safc v arsenal)
3 nufc v man u 52,081 (7,665 more than safc v man u)
4 nufc v liverpool 51,703 (10,288 more than safc v liverpool)
5 nufc v chelsea 51,674 (11,022 more than safc v chelsea)
6 nufc v stoke 51,665 (16,920 more than safc v stoke)
7 nufc v palace 51,588 (7,952 more than safc v palace)
8 nufc v hull 51,523 (8,713 more than safc v hull)
9 nufc v norwich 51,328 (13,550 more than safc v norwich)
10 nufc v swansea 51,057 (5,477 more than safc v swansea) 
11 nufc v villa 50,417 (10,660 more than safc v villa)
12 nufc v cardiff 50,239 (7,842 more than safc v cardiff) 
13 nufc v west ham 49,622 (11,226 more than safc v west ham)
14 nufc v man city 49,423 (9,286 more than safc v man city
15 nufc v wba 49,298 (4,117 more than safc v wba)
16 nufc v sooothampton 49,164 (11,049 more than safc v soton)
17 nufc v sporz 48,264 (10,301 more than safc v sporz)
18 nufc v everton 47,622 (9,177 more than safc v everton)
19 nufc v fulham 46,402*** (2,497 more than safc v fulham)
20 safc v nufc 46,313*** (see above!)
21 safc v swansea 45,580 (see above!)
22 safc v wba 45,181 (see above!)
23 safc v man u 45,416 (see above!)
24 safc v fulham 43,905 (see above!)
25 safc v palace 43,636 (see above!)
26 safc v hull 42,810 (see above!)
27 safc v cardiff 42,397 (see above!)
28 safc v liverpool 41,415 (see above!)
29 safc v chelsea 40,652 (see above!)
30 safc v man city 40,137 (see above!)
31 safc v villa 39,757 (see above!)
32 safc v arsenal 39,055 (see above!)
33 safc v everton 38,445 (see above)
34 safc v sooothampton 38,115 (see above!)
35 safc v sporz 37,963 (see above!)
36 safc v norwich 37,778 (see above!) 
37 safc v west ham 37,396 (see above!)
38 safc v stoke 34,745 (see above!)

 

*** = nufc's lowest crowd
*** = safc's highest crowd

nufc average leegue gates 2013-2014: 50,395
safc average leegue gates 2013-2014: 41,090
difference: 9,305 per game in nufc's favour!

Az yoo can see, nufc's LOWEST leegue crowd for the season iz actually HIGHER than safc's HIGHEST crowd! (which waz against 'US'!)
Again! we will leave yoo to draw your own conclusions az to who have the most loyal supporters!
(For the aall time attendance list for nufc v safc, see right hand tool bar list and 'click')

THE LIVERBIRDS 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '1:55pm bells' Monday 12th May 2014

VIEW FROM ROW 24 OF 'THE ANFIELD ROAD END'
(LOOKIN' TOWARDS 'THE KOP')

"DOWD AND OUT!"

A game that 'The Liverbirds' had to win to have any chance of the Leegue title waz played in a very strange atmosphere az the Scousers just knew that 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester wouldn't 'blow it' against 'Fat Sam's Jellied Eels Mob' just alang the M62

We in fact took the lead in the 20th minute when a Yoan Gouffran cross waz deflected into the net at The Kop End by Skrtel, to send the Toon fans wild and 'The Liverbirds' fans into disappear!

We held on to wor lead az news from Manchester filtered through that City were winnin' 1-0 to forthaa dampen the home fans spirits!

LOOKIN' TOWARDS 'THE KEMLYN ROAD STAND'
(THE TOON ARE IN GREY--TIM KRUL IZ IN ORANGE)

We were still 1-0 up at the break and had played well up until this point, but then in the 2nd period we hit the self destruct button with 2 Gerrard free kicks that ended up in wor net!

The forst one shud nevaa have been az we shud have had a free kick just before this, but referee Phil Dowd though otherwise and waved 'play on'!
Steve Gerrard took it from the edge of the box and hiz cross to the far side foond Agger and he somehow stuck a leg oot to level the scores in the 63rd minute!
An identical free kick just 2 minutes later foond Sturridge this time and he scored a virtually identical goal to Agger!
Shola argued with the ref just az we were aboot to restart the game and he waz sent off by Dowd for dissent!
Game ower!

News from 'Mancland' that 'The Blue Moonies' were now leadin' 2-0 waz 'delightfully' conveyed to the Liverbirds by the 2,800 Toon fans in The Anfield Road End!

Paul Dummett then scythed doon Suarez near the end and he waz aallso given hiz marchin' orders by Referee Dowd just FIVE minutes after he came on az a sub! to leave us with just 9 men left on the pitch to see oot the remainder of the game!

The usual excuses by 'I Beg Your Pardew' then followed and he then telt anybody who cared to listen that we would sign 4 or 5 new players in the summer transfer window!
"Aa think wi'v hord this one before Alan, mate!---aa think wi'v hord this one before Alan, mate!---aa think wi'v------------!!!!!"

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Haidera, Coloccini, Steve Taylor (De Jong 73) <(waste of space!), Sissoko, Anita, Shola Ameobi, Tiote (Dummett 82), Gouffran (Sammy Ameobi 78)

Attendance: 44, 724 (2,800 Toon fans, happy to see the end of the season at last!)

Before the match we went to wor fave 'haunt of 'The Clock' wino bar! which iz aboot the same waalkin' distance between Goodison Park and Anfield (pix below)

"A DRINKERS PARADISE!"

ENTRANCE TO THE 'SELECT'
LOUNGE AREA OF THE BAR!



'STATE OF THE ART' FLOORING IN THE BAR AREA!
(Note that the tiles are stapled to the floor!
This iz to stop anybody nickin' them!)
 



A POLITE NOTICE IN THE 'PRISTINE' 'TOOL SHED'
TO ONE OF THEIR 'REGULAR' CUSTOMERS!

THE LIVERBIRDS v THE TOON *** SUNDAY AFTERNOON!

Updated '9:15pm bells Saturday 10th May 2014

NOT FOR SALE AT ANY PRICE!
(ER! THE TICKET, THAT IZ!---NOT THE BEARS OR PENGUIN!)

The last game of the season teks place @ Anfield @ '3 bells' tomorrow afternoon and anly a win for the home side and defeat for 'The Blue Moonies' of Manchester, will give them the title!

Shud 'The Blue Moonies' anly draw against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham on Sunday, then 'The Liverbirds' will have to beat us 13-0 ! to claim the trophy! <(divvint panic---they've NEVAA beaten us 13-0 before!)
Any sized win for 'The Blue Moonies' will give them the title and break Scouse hearts <(of the red variety only!)

Nebody gives us any chance of winnin' or even gettin' a draw, which iz hardly suprizing considerin' that we have lost the last 4 away games withoot scorin' a solitary goal!
Aalso we haven't won @ Anfield for ower 20 years and everbody iz expectin' the worst!
Both Cisse and Santon will be missin' and god naaz aboot Ben Arfa???

Adam Armstrong won't be there eethaa az he iz on England U17 International duty! The Toon will wear their FIFTH different strip this season---'the new aall grey number' <(lets hope it isn't 'a grey day' for us!)

We have sold wor entire allocation of 2,800 tickets and leaflets were handed oot at 'The Arse' last week, urgin' Toon fans to 'sell their £48 tickets' for between £500 and £1,000! to desperate Scousers in this title decider! <("NE WAY!")

FONE NUMBERS AND E MAIL ADDRESS HIDDEN
FOR OBVIOUS REASONS!
DIVVINT SELL YOUR SOUL TO A TICKET TOUT!

Match/liquid lubrication report to follow sometime on Monday!---Az per usual 'watch this space'!  

CULLERCOATS 4 GATESHEED RUTHERFORD (sorry!) GATESHEED REDHEUGH 1 ("or waz the score the othaa way roond!???") *** NORTHERN ALLIANCE DIVISION 1

Posted '6:48am bells' Sunday 11th May 2014

"FROM LAND'S END TO JOHN O GROATS!"
"FROM WHITLEY BAY TO CULLERCOATS!"

"SHELTER FROM THE STORM!"

Az we had ne game to gan te once agen coz The Toon wornt due to play til the next day, it waz decided to heed for the coast on the Metro and take in Cullercoat's last Northern Alliance game of the season at their seaside groond in Links Avenue 

The wethaa wasn't 'ower clever' az we 'attacked' 'The Queens Heed' on the sea front, az black clouds desended!
A few 'liquid refreshments' later and it waz time to heed for the ground which waz aboot half a mile inland.

Cullercoats opponents were a team from Gatesheed, which isn't tooo far from where we live and so that's who we would 'support' for the day!

It waz still thankfully dry az we foond a spare space on the half way line (we were the anly ones there at the time!) az the teams ran oot from the portacabin on the othaa side of the pitch!

'The Caped Crusader' informed us that the Gatesheed RUTHERFORD team were wearin' black n white qwaatered shirts and that Cullercoats therefore were wearin' red n blue!

The Cullercoat's goalie waz (shall we say!) a rather large chappy weighin' aboot 18 stone and within 10 minutes he fumbled the baall which ended up in the net to give Gatesheed Rutherford the lead <(or so we thought!?) at 'The North Sea End'!

A lad we naa called Peter who supports Whitley Bay just doon the road, then torned up and informed us that in fact it waz Cullercoats who were wearin' black n white qwaataaz and NOT Gatesheed!
(ie: We'd got the 'colours' wrang in 'Culler'coats! and had 'cheered' the wrang team for half an hour!)

'The Caped Crusader, Paul the Peddler' <(he had hiz bike!) and 'The Mad Professor' who were in wor party still wornt convinced, but an advort on the red n blue strip waz from a Gatesheed firm? <(would a Gatesheed firm sponser Cullercoats???)
Anyway by half time the visitors (or home team perhaps?) had equalised and they went in aall square at the break!

The referee, it shud be noted waz the faathaa of 'Liam from the Lamp', who iz of course 'The Geordie Times' cheeef futbaall correspondent and the linesman on wor side waz hiz 16 year old nephew! (Liam wasn't there by the way) <(the part time bustard!)


"SHELTER FROM THE STORM!"

Anyway!-- Cullercoats <(or Gatesheed?) retook the lead and before lang it waz 3-1 !
The rain then desended in torrents and we made 'a sharp' exit to the bus stop on the main road az it waz the anly shelter available in the whole groond!
We still got soaken though az the rain came in sideway az there waz ne cover at the front!

Anothaa goal for the home side/visitors? sealed the game and thankfully az 'Liam from the Lamp's daddy blew for full time the rain had ceased and we trundled off soakin' wet to the nearest waaterin' hole doon the road caalled 'The Quarry' to dry oot and wet wor appetites! <(if yi see warra meen???)

It waz then onward to Whitley Bay Metro station and yem!---a great win for eethaa Cullercoats or Gatesheed! <(we may nevaa find oot!)

PS: Next day aa got The Sunday Sun to solve wor mystery and it said that Cullercoats had beaten Gatesheed REDHEUGH and NOT Gatesheed RUTHERFORD 4-1 (ie: a totally different team!)

SO!---not anly did we get the teams strips the wrang way roond, we actually got the team that Cullercoats were playin', wrang az well! <(pass the asprins pleeeze!)
Gatesheed Rutherford play in the Northern Alliance Premier Leegue, while Gatesheed Redheugh play in the division below!

Therefore, 'The Geordie Times' can anly offer yoo--wor loyal reeders a grovellin' apology for theeze heinous blunders az well az an apology to the Cullercoats goalie for any hurt or distress caused by caallin' him a "fat bustard", when in fact he waz Gatesheed Rutherford's---"er! sorry!" Gatesheed REDHEUGH'S goalie!   
Hopefully the next time we watch an Alliance game, we will get the strips and teams right!??? <(the broon ale haz got a lot to answer for!)

Attendance: 38 and 'a half' <( 'a little baaby in a pram'!) plus a doggy!

PPS: Cullercoats features in an old Geordie Song which gans:
"Wherever yi gan your sure to find a Geordie!"
"Wherever yi gan yi'll here the Geordie twang!"
"From Land's End to John O Groats!"
"From Whitley Bay to Cullercoats!"





   

THE GEORDIE TIMES *** A GROVELLING APOLOGY!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Thorsday 8th May 2014

TOON 'FANS?' HEED FOR THE EXITS IN THE 69th MINUTE!

In 'The Geordie Times' Cardiff match report we said that there waz a mass waalkoot in the 69th minute in protest and the club's plight (we last won a major trophy in 1969---The Fairs Cup!)

'Dave from York' haz inundated 'The Geordie Times' with hundreds of angry e mails in protest (er 'ONE' actually) sayin' that it waz hardly a 'mass' waalkoot, rather a 'mini' one!
He's reet of course, <(we did slightleee 'gan ower the top'!) but there were still a canny few who left at this precise minute in The Milburn Stand and the rest of the groond! (4,000 or so!)
We can anly give a grovellin' apology to Dave for wor grossleee eggzagerated error and hope he forgives us!??? "Grovel! Grovel!"

However! by the end of the match The East Stand, for example, DID HAVE thoosands of empty grey seats on show for aall to see, despite wor 3-0 win!----

90 MINUTES + ***PICTURE 'NICKED' FROM nufc.com!

WORLDS BEST SUPPORTED CLUBS WITH AVERAGE LEAGUE ATTENDANCES OF OWER 50,000

Posted 2:52pm bells' Wednesday 7th May 2014

Add caption

The Leazes End of St James' Park from Leazes Park


Borussia Dortmund are by far and away the current best supported futbaall club in the world, while 'the club with ne ambition', namely NUFC, are in 12th place worldwide with a magnificent/foolhardy? average of 50,395!

Europe haz aall the best supported clubs on the planet
Below are the 13 clubs who have averaged ower 50,000 crowds!

1 Borussia Dortmund (Jawmany) 80,676

2 Man U Muppets (England) 75,207

3 Barcelona (Spain) 72,776

4 Real Madrid (Spain) 72,200

5 Bayern Munich (Jawmany) 71,009

6 Schalke 04 (Jawmany) 61,483

7 The Arse (England) 60,013

8 The Munchin' Gladbachs (Jawmany) 52,505

9 Hamborg (Jawmany) 51,976

10 Ajax (Holland) 50,906

11 Stuttgart (Jawmany) 50,674

12 THE TOON ((Geordieland!) 50,395

13 Hertha Berlin (Jawmany) 50,186

NORTHERN LEEGUE CUP FINAL *** @ ST JAMES' TOONEET!

Posted '2:07pm bells' Tuesday 6th May 2014

To celebrate 125 years of The Northern Leegue, St James' Park, (above) will host the final between Whitley Bay and Marske United toneet @ '7:15 bells'.

St James' staged one of the forst ever games in September 1889 (the month the leegue waz formed) when Newcastle West End defeated arch rivals Newcastle East End 2-0 in front of a 4,000 crowd!
Of course just three years later the two clubs amalgamated to become Newcastle United FC!

Admission iz £5 for big kids and £3 for sprogs and zimmerframeites via The East Stand!

Update Wednesday dinnatime: Marske won the cup 2-1 after extra time in front of 1,503 spectators, with the winnin' goal (a penalty) comin' in extra time stoppage time!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHHHD!

Posted '10:47am bells' Tuesday 6th May 2014

'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!
"OPEN TOP BUS TOUR PLANNED FOR NUFC!"


FLASHBACK TO 1974
TOP & MIDDLE PIX: ST JAMES' PARK
BOTTOM PIC: 'THE CARDBOARD CUP TOUR'
GANS UP NEWGATE STREET!

Followin' last neets dramatic 3 goal comeback in the last 12 minutes from 'The Crystal Balls' against 'The Liverbirds' to draw 3-3, it meenz that with just 1 point gained the sooth Londoners CARNT now catch us in the 'table race' and NUFC can finish no lower than 10th position in the Premyaa Leegue!

We are currently in 9th place and anly 'The Stoke P*ss Potters' can now owertake us, shud they win away to 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' on Sunday and we lose to 'The Liverbirds'!

An open top bus tour of the city centre haz been mentioned with 'The Fat Controller' holdin' up a cardboard cut oot of a cup with   "WE FINISHED IN THE TOP TEN!" written on it, in black felt tipped pen! <(ne expense spared!)

40 years ago today, then club captain Bobby Moncur did exactly the same thing, famously? holdin' a cardboard cut oot of the FA Cup aloft on an open top bus tour, after we lost 3-0 to 'The Liverbirds' in the 1974 final!

'The tour' iz expected to start at The Tyne Bridge and travel via the 'new' castle, Northumberland Street, Greys Monument and Eldon Square, before endin' at the 'gates' of St James' Park!
A lap of honour will then take place aroond the pitch with the heed groondsman, hiz staff and the tea lady in attendance, to witness this momentous occasion!  "MISSION ACCOMPLISHHHD!"  

THE HEEDBANGERS 3 THE FISHY FINGERS of GRIMSBY 1 *** PLAY OFF SEMI FINAL 2nd LEG

Posted '12:10pm bells' Monday 5th May 2014

"HEEDIN' FOR WEMBLEY!"

40 years to the day that NUFC lost in the FA Cup final to 'The Liverbirds', anothaa Tyneside team booked their place @ Wembley with a supurb 3-1 win against 'The Fishy Finger Brigade' az the visitors were 'battered' <(sic!) by 'The Heed'!

A record crowd of 8,000 plus (which waz predicted by 'The Geordie Times'!) torned up on this waam afternoon @ The International Stadium, and they had plenty to cheer!

The visitors had 1,000 plus noisy fans behind the right hand goal from us, which made for a great atmosphere in this normally near deserted and quiet stadium (normally 800 average crowds!)

Former Toon player Brian Marwood waz the hero of the day and he opened the scorin' for Gatesheed when a goalkeepin' blunder led to Marwood's shot enterin' the net at the mid point of the half!

Then orly in the 2nd period Grimsby had a player sent off, but this seemed to fire them into action and they equalised in front of their fans at the Sooth end of the groond!

Anothaa Grimsby player waz then sent off for a 2nd bookable offence and The Heed took full advantage with a superb effort from Marwood late in the game and the icin' on the cake came 'at the death' when JJ O'Donnell scrambled home to send 'The Heedbangers' wild with delight at the prospect of a forst ever visit to Wembley Stadium!
A mass invasion followed before the pitch waz cleared for the final few seconds of the game and the ref blew for full time az we danced on the terraces! 
Anothaa pitch invasion at the end saw flares let off, az the home fans and players celebrated on the pitch!

A great day for Gatesheed FC!---"Wembley!---Wembley!---here we come!" (in two weeks time!) <(The Toon's season will be finished by then, so 'The Geordie Times' entourage will be there in force!)

Attendance: 8,144 (1,000 plus 'battered' 'Fish Fingers'!)




PRE MATCH 'GARGELLIN' POINT!
(GATESHEED HIGH STREET)

POST MATCH 'GARGELLIN' POINT
(GATESHEED HIGH STREET)
"HELLO HINNY!---IZ THAT THE WEMBLEY TICKET OFFICE!?"

THE TOON 3 THE RED HERRINGS of CARDIFF 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '10:20am bells' Sunday 4th May 2014

"RUN RABBIT!,RUN RABBIT!,RUN!,RUN!,RUN!"

On a crazy day @ St James' Park where we won 3-0 to relegate the sooth Wales outfit in wor last home game of the season, wor manager and absent owner were constantly bood and barracked through oot the match, cumulatin' in a mass waalkoot in the 69th minute in protest at the clubs aimless ambitions! (we last won a major trophy in 1969, The Fairs Cup!)

View from the very back of The Milburn Stand pre match
The North Sea iz on the horizon 8 miles away!

Both sides had chances orly on and we hit the woodwork on two occasions before Shola heeded the openin' goal @ 'The Gallowgate End' in the 18th minute after a pin-point pass from 'The Sissoko Kid'!
Pardew left the dugout to patrol the touchline but a crescendo of boos on hiz appearance made him scurry back into the dugoot like a scared rabbit, caught in the headlights of a car!---hidin' behind hiz assistants John Carver and Steve Stone!

Every time he made an appearance on the touchline after this he waz roundly booed like a 'pantomime villain' and he retreated aalmost immediately every time!---a weird 'frightened rabbit' sight, if ever there waz one!

'The Fat Controller' aalso got loads of stick, but az he wasn't there, it fell on 'deaf ears'!

Again in the orly stages of the 2nd half both clubs had chances to score but in the 55th, 60th and 69th minute many fans left the groond in protest at wor sorry 'ambitions' of a top ten finish, aall for a club with 50,000 fans! (55 minutes for the last time we won the FA Cup in 1955, and 60 minutes for the last time we won a domestic trophy---that FA Cup nearly 60 years ago!) 
The 69th minute saw most fans leave though and there were anly 30,000 left to witness Remy's tap in goal @ The Leazes End and Steve Taylors heeder near the end!

The Toon attack The Leazes End
View from The Milburn Stand balcony

Pardew had made one last attempt to leave the dugoot and gan into hiz technical area, but loud boos again from those that had remained, made him make a frustrated downward hand gesture to the crowd, az he scurried back for the last time to hide behind hiz assistants! <(surely he can't survive this!?) 

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Dummett (Haidera 46), Sissoko, Anita (Steve Taylor 79), Tiote, Gouffran (Gosling 79), Shola Ameobi, Remy

Attendance: 50,239 (1,100 dejected Cardiff fans---nearly aall who were dressed in their former colours of blue!)


PS: We are off to watch Gatesheed v Grimsby this afternoon (kick off '4:30 bells') in front of wot shud be a bumper crowd of 8,000 plus in the Conference play off semi final 2nd leg (1st leg 1-1) and a place in the final at Wembley!---with the ultimate prize a place back in the Futbaall Leegue after a 54 year absence!
('Geordie Times' match report to follow tomorrow!)
"Howay the Heedbangers!"

THE TOON v THE RED HERRINGS of CARDIFF *** THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated Saturday 3rd  May 2014

FA CUP ACTION @ ST JAMES' PARK IN JANUARY
CARDIFF WON 2-1 !
(View from The Leazes End)

For the forst time in livin' memory the biggest futbaall match on Tyneside this weekend will NOT feature NUFC!

This iz the result of pathetic performances and apathy amongst the Toon faitful <(no! we havvent mis -spelt it!) after a record breakin' six Premya Leegue defeats in a row and mid table mediocrity!
Many fans have taken to Facebook/Twitter etc. to say that they will be waalkin' oot on 60 minutes in anger at wor 'ambitionless aims' (it will be 60 years next season since we last won a major domestic trophy!) and best of luck to them in their protest!

We will NOT be dein' the same however! and will stay til the bitter end against 'The Red Herrings' 'come wot may', az we are sadists! And in any case, do yoo reely think that 'The Fat Controller' will be in the directors box to see it anyway????

On the othaa side of the Tyne and in complete contrast to wor plight, 'The Heedbangers of Gatesheed' will attempt to book their place at Wembley Stadium in the Conference play off final on Sunday afternoon against Grimsby Toon ('4:30 bells' kick off)

Az mentioned below we will be there to back 'The Heed', az we WILL this afternoon, backin' 'The Toon' <(az they say 'a dog iz for life'!) and we can anly hope (and pray!) for TWO victories ower this bank holiday weekend!

PS: Just foond oot that (az well az the above waalk oot) some Toon fans are gannin to waalk oot in the 27th minute (the last time we won T'he Leegue' waz way back in 1927!)---some are gannin to waalk oot in the 55th minute (wor last FA Cup success waz in 1955 AND the 69th minute (the last time we actually won a trophy of any description, namely The Inter Cities Fairs Cup waz in 1969!
(Will there be anybody left at full time?)

"ER!"---yes! We plan to waalk oot in protest in the 90th minute!, (plus injury time!)

Match reports on both games will follow sometime on Sunday (Toon) and bank holiday Monday (Heed)

GRIMSBY TOON 1 THE HEEDBANGERS 1 *** CONFERENCE PLAY OFFS SEMI FINAL 1st LEG

Posted '12:40pm bells' Friday 2nd May 2014



"DREAM ON!"---"DEFINATLY 'ON!"

A magnificent draw @ Blundell Park, Cleethorpes sets up the 2nd leg of this semi final tie very nicely!---thank yoo very much!

Shud 'Gatesheed win on Sunday then they will be off to Wembley for the play off final against eetha Cambridge United or Halifax, with the ultimate prize a place back in the Futbaall Leegue after a 54 year absence!

'The Heedbangers' drew forst blood against Grimsby last neet when Colin Larkin fired home after just 7 minutes sendin' the 308 travellin' faithful wild with delight in the visitors enclosure!

Grimsby hit back however and equalised in the 24th minute through a Craig Disley heeder and 'The Heed' had to endure canny pressure throughout the rest of the game.
They held on though and the dream of a Wembley ticket on Sunday afternoon iz a very reeel possibility!

We would expect that a crowd exceedin' that at Grimsby (5,234) will torn up in wot iz now an aall ticket game @ Gatesheed International Stadium! (capacity 11,000)

If yi not dein much on Sunday then come and cheer the othaa black n white Tynesiders to victory and Wembley! (we'll be there!)

HEEDIN' FOR WEMBLEY???

Posted '2:40pm bells' Thorsday 1st May 2014

Toneet 'The Heedbangers' of Gatesheed play their most important game for at least 60 years when they face Grimsby Toon in Cleethorpes in the forst leg of the Conference semi final play offs!

The 2nd leg teks place @ The International Stadium in the east end of Gatesheed this comin' Sunday @ '4:30 bells' with the prize a trip to Wembley for the play off final and (hopefully!) a place back in the Futbaall Leegue after a 54 year absence, if they win!

A big crowd iz expected toneet of 5,000 plus @ Blundell Park and at least the same number in the retorn leg on Sunday afternoon!
 'The Geordie Times' will be present on Sunday to cheer 'The Heed' on to victory? and we 'wish them well' this evenin'!
Aa'll be glued to mee truck radio to get the score az aa travel doon to the Bormingham area once again on mee neetshift run!

"HOWAY THE HEEDBANGERS!"