Wednesday, 31 October 2018

HALLOWEEN 2014 REVISITED*** "WHO'S BEEN SLEEPIN' IN MY BED?"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 31st October 2108

Below iz the 'classic' archive report from wor home game against 'The Liverbirds' 4 years ago!
We make ne apologeez whatsoever for 'digging it up' again!

THE TOON 1 THE LIVERBIRDS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '11:15am bells' Sunday 2nd November 2014

"WHO'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BED?"

John 'The Undertaker's' funeral had been the day before and 'The Colonel' (he's 'the spit' of deposed 'crackpot' Colonel Gadaffi!) waz stoppin' owerneet in The Rowers Hotel in Dunston to go the funeral and then the match against The Liverbirds the next day. (He lives in Bracknell in Berkshire)

We'd had quite a few drinks in celebration of 'The Undertaker's' life and after hiz funeral in The Toon and after a canny few drinks in various hostelries, I showed 'The Colonel where the hotel waz on the Friday evenin' and he dropped hiz owerneet bag off in 'Room 1' on the 1st floor of the hotel.

Az he waz droppin' hiz bag off  aa asked the hotel manager if he waz full that neet!  "We're fully booked", he said,  "But some of our business guests have been unavoidably delayed and won't get here til the mornin'!" <(an important point---reeed on!)

We then went on 'the hoy' in Dunston takin' in The Royal Hotel bar and The Tudor Rose bar where a Halloween party waz takin' place with the locals dressed up az ghouls, witches and devils with horns stickin' oot of their heeds and there waz even one idiot in a gorilla suit!
"THERE'S A GHOST IN THE HOUSE!" *** TUDOR ROSE

"Have yoo seen them?" 'The Colonel' said, and I told him that this waz the NORMAL dress attire in Dunston!

Anyway!---aa finally left him in a dishevelled and inebriated state 'late on' and arranged to meet him the next mornin' @ '10 bells' to gan to the match which kicked off @ '12:45 bells'

"Yi'll nevaa guess wot happened to me last night!?" he said when he torned up---and aa had visions of him tellin' me that he couldn't find hiz way back to the hotel!

But a more bizarre set off events had taken place!

He DID find the hotel and went to hiz room (which he'd forgot to lock!?) and 'crashed oot' "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

Next mornin' he awoke and opened the curtains and he could see that he had a view of the River Tyne from hiz window!
He couldn't understand why, az when he had went to hiz room the previous night to drop hiz bag off, he had a view of the road that leads to Dunston's futbaall groond?

He decided he needed a shave and went to get hiz owerneet bag which he'd left on a chair beside the bed---but it wasn't there!---he searched the room and even looked under the bed to see if it waz there---but it wasn't!???----(it waz Halloween wasn't it---spooky!) Someone must have sneaked in and 'nicked it' while he waz asleep, he thought and he went doon to reception to complain to the manageress of the hotel!

She went back upstairs with him and like a scene from 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears', she discovered that in fact he'd went back to the WRANG ROOM when he'd came back and had slept in the WRANG BED!--hence the 'Tyne view' he had and 'ne bag' in the room! <(yi couldn't make it up!)

Obviously the room he'd slept in WAZ for the (still un-arrived!) business people the hotel manager had told me aboot the neet before!

Imagine the scenario if the delayed business people HAD arrived orly in the mornin'???---A Beautiful blonde bimbo businesswoman arrives exhausted and gans to hor room!
She hoys hor 'kit off' and dives into bed--anly to discover a 'Colonel Gadaffi' lookalike snorin' hiz heed off on the next pillow!
A 'Halloween Horror Story' if ever there waz one!!!!  



Anyway!---off we set for The Toon and he got 'a load of merciless stick', aboot it, aa can tell yiz!

It waz then 'match time' and we heeded for wor seats.
The Toon started off the better of the 2 sides and went close on a couple of occasions. The Liverbirds were not very good and couldn't muster a shot durin' the 1st half and they were lucky not to be behind at the interval when at least one penalty decision went against us!
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END (1st HALF)

The visitors were a bit better in the 2nd period but The Toon stuck in and went for 'the jugular'.
The breakthrough came in the 73rd minute when a Sissoko pass was blocked by Mereno, but it fell nicely for Perez and he whacked the baall into the net from just inside the box to put us one-nil up, to huge roars from the crowd!

It shud have been two just eight minutes later when Cabella waz put through by Sissoko and with anly Mignonet to beat in The Liverbirds goal he shot by the keeper managed to push the baall around the post to deny him!

It 'mattered not' though!---and we held on to record wor FOURTH win in a row and move up to the dizzy heights of 11th in the table!
ACTION @ THE GALLOWGATE END DURIN' THE 2nd HALF

After the match me and 'The Colonel' heeded for 'The Bodega on Westgate Road where he left hiz owerneet bag under a table!

Sometime later he looked for it, but (again!) it wasn't there? and had mysteriously moved by itself to an alcove above a door!----very spooky! 
"HOW DID THAT GET UP THERE!???"

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Steve Taylor, Dummett, Sissoko, Abeid, Colback, Obertan (Aarons 27), Cisse (Perez 46), Sammy Ameobi (Cabella 66)

Attendance: 52,166 (3,200 Liverbirds)

Monday, 29 October 2018

"GO HIGH OCTANE IN OCTOBER!"

Posted '2:20pm bells' Tuesday 2nd October 2018
Updated '2:15pm bells' Thorsday 25th October 2018
Updated '1:20pm bells' Munday 29th October 2018

'The Geordie Times' iz leadin' the fightback against the 'Go Sober in October' campaign that iz heavily advertised on the telly, radio, tabloids and mags, to stop people drinkin for the month of October!
These individuals wernt content with 'Dry January' where people didn't drink in that month and now they've started on October!---what next we ask?--- 'No bevvies in February's' or 'Lets go dry in July!'
So we've started a "GO HIGH OCTANE IN OCTOBER!" campaign to help stem the rapid decline of wor traditional pubs before its too late!

Did you naa that 18 pubs a week are shuttin' doon because of people not usin their local boozers, which works oot at staggerin' 936 a year!

And these 'Go sober' do gooders are tryin to make it worse!
Wor '100 away pub crawl challenge' where we are tryin to visit a 100 away pubs durin' this season, iz well under way and we have visited a total of 62 different pubs/clubs since wor forst game of the season at Barrow in Furness in July!

THE FIGHTBACK IZ ON! (see away pub crawl pix article below!)

Sunday, 28 October 2018

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 0 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:11am bells' Sunday 28th October 2018 ("Aye, aa remembered to put mee clocks back!")
Updated Munday '12:56pm bells'
THE TOON ARE IN THE LIGHT BLUE STRIP

"LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE!"
(6 trains, 4 tubes and 2 taxis!)

This woz the jorney from hell if ever there woz one in this 700 miles roond trip to the south coast!
Forst of aall, aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of bed at '4am bells' and jumped into a taxi from wor hoose, to catch the '5:26 bells' train from 'The Central' to King's Cross in London 
Because of a train strike on the line between Waterloo in London and Sooothampton we decided cross London by 2 tube trains to catch a train from Paddington to Reading and then onward to wor final destination!

"WET! WET! WET!"

On wor jorney from Paddington to Reading, a lass waalked doon the train with a very hot cup of waataa---and az she waalked past one of the lads, who shall remain nameless, called 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', she spilt it aall ower hiz legs and 'private parts'!
He jumped up in agony shoutin' "F***** HELL!"--F***** HELL!" several times in shock, az she apologised and apologised, az we rolled aboot with laughter, az he looked like he'd p*ssed himself! ๐Ÿ˜…
"TAKIN' THE P*SS!---GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUUSIVE!


The lass had wanted the hot waata to put on some porridge she'd bought and improvised by pourin a cup of coffee into the bowl to mix the porridge!!!! (Yi couldn't make it up!)

We were lucky (apart from Blondie!) and everything else went to plan az we arrived at Sooothampton Central some six hours after leavin' the Toon and heeded for the nearest waaterin hole (The Giddy Bridge) for some much needed 'liquid lubrications'!
THE GIDDY BRIDGE


Others wornt so lucky, az they tried to get there via Waterloo station and got stuck half way az the train woz overloaded to burstin point!
(They eventually arrived 1 hour after us!)

2 more waaterin holes later and it woz time too heed for 'wor punishment' at St Mary's Stadium!---and 'punishment' it woz az we failed to have even one shot on target in the entire game!
Soloman Rondon finally made an appearance after a lang injury, half way through the 2nd half, but even he couldn't hit the target in one of the most borin' games yoo could wish to watch, which not suprizingleee ended in a goalless draw (Sooothampton were shockin' az well!)

The one point gained actually lifted us off the bottom of the table and anly two points from safety, az aall the teams around us lost---some of them heavily!
By wor recognin' 5 teams are in 'the mix' for relegation----'uddersfield, Cardiff, Fulim, Sooothampton and 'US'!

We reversed the train, tube, train and taxi jorneys on the way back, eventually arrivin' yem at '12:30am bells'! 

Footnote: Simon Templar woz a character in a cult 1960s TV programme caalled 'The Saint'!, which of course iz Sooothampton's nickname---hence 'The Simon Templar Mob'----get it?

Team line ups and more pix to follow later, when aa get time---like! (Oot on 'the hoy' very soon!)

MUCH LATER!
Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Fernandez, Dummett, Richie, Shelvey, Diame (Ki76), Kenedy, Perez (Rondon 69), Muto (Atsu 80)

Attendance:30,736 (2,450 OR 2,500 very bored Toon fans!---not sure?)

*More pub crawl pix
Sooothampton


Sooothampton

London after game

London after game


*

Friday, 26 October 2018

"IT WOZ 50 YEARS AGO TODAY!---AA WENT AWAY TO SEE NEW-CAS-IL PLAY"

Posted '3:00pm bells' Friday 26th October 2018

Fifty years ago today at this time ('3pm bells'), az a wide eyed skoolkid, aa went to mee forst 'lang distance' away game, when we played Liverpool at Anfield at the height of Beatle mania!
A match report from that game half a century ago iz printed below ("Now where did aa put mee zimmer frame?")

Ground  number 3
"She loves you!,yeah!-yeah!-yeah!"

THE TOON U23s v THE SMOGGIES U23s **** TOONEET @ SJP

Posted '12:57pm bells' Friday 26th October 2018

Tooneet at HQ NUFCs U23 side take on The Smoggies equivalent in a Premyaa Leegue 2 match!

Kick off iz at '7 bells' and az per usual, anly The East Stand will be open for Toon fans (and Smoggies if they bring any?)

Season ticket holder get in for nowt of course and it's £3 for big kids and £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites withoot season tickets!

Update: lost 3-1 in front of 709 fans!

Wednesday, 24 October 2018

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB v THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '2:05pm bells' Thorsday 25th October 2018

"TRY AND FIND 3 TEAMS WORSE THAN US!"

'Rafa the Gaffa' came ooot with the above statement on Saturday after wor 5th home defeat 'in a row' against Brightin, but aall of us are wonderin' after a total of TEN winless games 'in a row' in Leegue and Cup, if there reeely ARE 3 worse teams than us, az we sit anchored to the foot of the table!

These are desperate times indeed after wor worst start in wor lang history, gannin back az far az the 19th century---and we will make the 'painful' 350 mile jorney to the south coast on Saturday, hopin against hope that wor luck will change!

With train strikes between London and Sooothampton, it will indeed be a 'painful' jorney with a skeleton rail service on offer!

We leave on the '5:26am bells' train from 'the Central' on Saturday mornin' and will arrive at wor destination 'at god naaz wot time'?

We have sold wor entire allocation of 2,450 ticket which iz actually 700 less than we were given last season!


A full Geordie Times match and booze report will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday (train strikes permittin'!)

*Simon Templar woz a character in the 1960s cult TV series 'The Saint'!    
'The Simon Templar Mob'='The Saint'=Sooothampton's nickname---get it!?


*A Geordie Times archive report on mee forst ever visit to Sooothampton's old groond, 'The Dell' 49 years ago in 1969 and anothaa report from 1984 are featured in the next article below!

Tuesday, 23 October 2018

DALES DIARY DATE FOR HEEDBANGERS!

Posted '1:40pm bells' Tuesday 23rd October 2018


GATESHEED PLAYERS POSE WITH SOME 'HEEDBANGERS' 
BEFORE THEIR GAME AT DUNSTON



Gatesheed's reward for beatin' 'The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston' in The FA Cup last Saturday iz a trip to sunny Rochdale in deepest Lancashire, just off the M62 motorway for a forst roond tie!

The game will be played on the weekend 9th to 12th of  November and 'The Heedbangers' are sure to have a large followin' from Tyneside! (However! unlike the Dunston game, it iz very unlikely that the game will be live on the telly!)

Monday, 22 October 2018

BAD BLUE BOYS 0 THE HEEDBANGERS 4 *** FA CUP 4th PRELIMANARY ROOND

Posted '1:30pm bells' Munday 22nd October 2018

The Dunston Bad Blue Boys played their biggest game in their history at Federation Park (aka UTS Stadium) when they took on near neighbours The Heedbangers of Gatesheed on Saturday!

Az the game woz scheduled for '12:30 bells' for a live TV stream from the BBC, we had time to gan to that game and heed for St. James' Park across the Tyne 3 miles away for NUFCs '3 bells' kick off v Brightin!

A mammoth crowd of 2,520 (Dunston's average gate iz 250!) torned oot and were 3 deep around the pitch az the game kicked off!
Az 'I'd been in the clubhouse beforehand, mee usual standin place when aa come here woz taken and aa woz forced to watch the match through a crowd of heeds from the back!

The crowd woz a mixture of Dunston and Gatesheed fans with ne segregation, mainly to the fact that many Gatesheed fans live in Dunston anyway!

The occasion torned oot to be too much for the home side and the vistors took the lead at 'The Tea Hut End' through Gregg Olley with a shot that somehow trickled into the net!
It woz soon 2-0 to Gatesheed when Stephen Rigg fired home and 3-0 bang on half time through Scott Bowden az The National Leegue side ran riot against their Northern Leegue
opposition! (4 leegues below)

The game woz been shown on the big screen in the clubhoose and aa watched some of the 2nd half there with a bottle of broon for company before heedin back to mee standin position at the back
THE HEEDBANGERS BEHIND THE GOAL SET OF
A SMOKEBOMB WHEN THEY SCORED THEIR 4th GOAL!

It woz  4-0 to Gatesheed through Luke Molineux in the 78th minute and it woz 'game ower' az far az Dunston were concerned!

A MINT CONDITION CRUMBLED TEAM SHEET!


It woz then onward to SJP and we made the kick off there with 3 mins to spare!
(SEE 'DOOM AND GLOOM'MATCH REPORT IN NEXT ARTICLE DOON!)

More pix 
THESE 2 STUPID 'FREEBEEZ'
 COULD HAVE WALKED IN
AZ THE GATES WERE OPEN IN THE 2nd HALF
WHEN THIS PHOTO WOZ TAKEN!

"HEED ARMY ON TOUR!" (WITH PLAYERS!)

SING ON THE 
STORAGE CONTAINER!

SOME OF THE 'HEEDBANGERS'!


DUNSTON TEAM ON FINAL WHISTLE



*

Sunday, 21 October 2018

THE TOON 0 BRIGHTIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 21st October 2018
THE JONJO SHELVEY FREE KICK, WHICH 
THE BRIGHTIN KEEPER SOMEHOW SAVED!
"NO HOPE!---JUST HOPELESSNESS!"

This woz a 'bad day at the office' for certain az The Geordie Times did a 'double heeder', takin in Dunston's game v Gatesheed in the FA Cup and then a 'mad dash to St James' for wor game v Brightin ----more on that FA Cup game later, but forst we must concentrate on yet anothaa home defeat for NUFC!

We just made the kick off az the mini bus we had booked from Dunston, which woz supposed to torn up at '2:25 bells', didn't torn up til 10 mins later and then had to torn around in heavy traffic from people leavin the game---(AND the nearby Metro Centre!) and we eventually left with just 20 mins to kick off time!
Luckily the Redheugh Bridge across the Tyne woz clear of traffic and we were dropped off ootside the groond with less than 10 mins to spare!

A mad scramble oot the mini bus then followed and mee plan woz to get the lift up to mee seat on 'level 7' of The Milburn Stand to save time, but there woz a queue, so I 'legged it' up the 200 stairs to the top and took mee seat, completlee oot of breath (I'm not a 'spring chicken' any more!), with just 3 mins to kick off ! (not bad considerin' we left Dunston so late!)

THE STREET VIEW FROM THE TOP
OF THE MILBURN STAND



Unfortunately, it woz 'the same old story' az we dominated the forst half but came off 2nd best az wor visitors took the lead on the half hour mark with a deflected goal!
1st half action az we attacked 
The Gallowgate End

The second half 'highlight' woz a Jonjo Shelvey free kick which woz brilliantly palmed away by the Brightin keeper, but we just couldn't get the goal that we desorved and for the FIFTH time in a row we lost at home (SIX if yoo include wor pre season friendly v Jawman side, Ausburg)
Joselu who came on az a sub had a shot that nearly hit the corner flag---this just aboot sums up wor plight!

With Cardiff's forst win of the season filterin' through we now sit in rock bottom place with ne wins and just 2 points from 27 in 9 Premyaa Leegue games!

'The Fat Controller' woz there again to witness anothaa defeat and even he must now realise that unless we spend a fortune in the January transfor window, then we are certainly doomed to a thord spell in the Championship under hiz disastrous 11 years tenure!
(Even then it might be tooo late!)
Pleeeeze sell up Mike and give us wor great club back--- "PLEEEZE!"

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Fernandez, Dummett, Ritchie, Diame, Shelvey, Kenedy, Perez, Muto (Joselu 73)

Attendance: 50,329 (1,600 happy Brightin fans who saw their team win away for the forst time in nearly a year!)

*A report on the Dunston v Gatesheed game will now follow tomorrow, az av got to gan oot on 'the hoy' very soon!

Thursday, 18 October 2018

THE TOON v "NE WHERE NEAR" BRIGHTIN *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON

Posted '2:00pm bells' Thorsday 18th October 2018
ST. JAMES' PARK

Havin' not won a competitive game since the end of last season, NUFC gan into the weekend game in desperate need of 3 points!

3 of wor next 4 games are at home and we reeely must get sommik from them or else we will be in deep deep trouble! (or shud that be deeper trouble!)

Rumours that yet anothaa very rich consortium iz puttin' in a bid for the club simply divvint wash anymore and it looks likely that we will be stuck with 'The Fat Controller' for a considerable time more!

Soloman Rondon iz STILL not fit to play and so a forward line of eethaa Joselu and Perez OR Muto and Perez looks to be the options Rafa haz for the game!
Kenedy looks set to start but Ciaron Clark looks doubtful

Ironically tickets are still on sale for this match, while "ower the waataa" in Dunston, 3 miles away, their game v Gatesheed in the FA Cup iz a complete selloot, with every one of the 2,500 tickets sold! (the groonds capacity)
AND 3 MILES AWAY!
FEDERATION PARK, DUNSTON (aka: UTS STADIUM)

The Geordie Times and many Toon fans will be at that game which kicks off at '12:30 bells' and then rush ower The Redheugh Bridge for wor '3 bells' kick off @ SJP! (a 10 minutes drive away)

A match report on both games will appear here sometime on Sunday!


Footnote: Brightin's groond iz in a place caalled 'Falmer' and iz "Ne where near Brightin"---hence wor name for them!
"Ower the waataa" meenz "Across the river Tyne" in Geordie slang

Wednesday, 17 October 2018

BAD BLUE BOYS RECORD CROWD PREDICTED!

Posted '2:43pm bells' Wedinzday 17th October 2018

With 2,000 tickets aalready sold, oot of 2,500, 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston are expectin the biggest crowd in their history, when they take on 'The Heedbangers' of Gatesheed in the FA Cup 4th prelimanary roond this Saturday dinnaatime!
('12:30 bells' kick off and live on BBC stream)
There will be NO pay gates and the remainin' tickets are on sale @ The Dunston clubhoose today and tomorrow<(if there are any left?) from '5 to 7 bells' 

For those of yoo who divvint naa, Dunston iz in the west end of Gatesheed and they play in 'The Northern Leegue 1st Division' (level 9 in the Pyramid), while Gatesheed from 'The National Leegue' (level 5 in the Pyramid) hail from the east end of the town.

'The Bad Blue Boys' are the lowest ranked team still left in the competition and 'top marks' to them for not puttin' up their prices for admission (£6 and £3) and the match programme iz just a quid! (Food and drink iz the same price az for a usual Northern Leegue game, az well!) (Guisley, for example, are chargin' £13 admission for their FA Cup game!)


Dunston's groond iz just 3 miles from St. James' Park and the plan iz to hire a 16 seater mini bus to whisk us across the Tyne to watch NUFC play a vital 'must win' game v Brightin in the Premyaa Leegue at '3 bells'

(The Dunston game should finish by '2:20 bells' (hopefully!?) which gives us ample time to make the kick off at SJP (Fingers and toes crossed!)

It should be quite a hectic day on Tyneside!

Updated '11:15pm bells' in Manchester (night truck run depot!)
Anly 160 tickets left for Dunston game!
You'd better be quick if you want one!

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

ST. JAMES' PARK 1880-2018 *** 138 YEARS OLD TODAY! *** HAPPY BORTHDAY TOO YOOO!"

Posted '4:22am bells' 16th October 2018 (after night truck run to Manchester!)
This iz the orliest known photo of a stand at St James' Park when Newcastle West End occupied the ground (Oliver Hardy iz on the far left and Stan Laurel iz on the far right!)---HONEST!

Newcastle East End took over the ground when West End folded and a small wooden stand can be seen in the background filled with bowler hatted gentlemen!
This photo woz taken in 1890

The forst ever game of futbaall at St. James' Park took place 138 years ago on 16th October 1880 when a Newcastle Rangers 'Captains X1' took on 'Others' who had 15 players on the field!
Rangers anly had 11 players but won 6-1!
The Daily Journal recorded that: "The new ground is very nicely situated. It is 120 yards by 60 yards broad and is comparatively level!"
Rangers headquarters were recorded as: 'Strawberry House, 78 St James' Park' and Rangers christened the ground St. James' Park az it woz next to St. James' Street which iz still there in the shadow of The East Stand!

*By amazing coincidence I got married to Val on 16th October 2005 at St James' Park!---on the 125th anniversary of the forst game!

I didn't realise this til a fortneet ago when I woz researchin' this article!   I thought "16th October rings a bell?"--- but I couldn't remember why??? 

PS: I tell people I got married to Val in a cathedral!  
"The cathedral on the hill!"---az Sir Bobby Robson caalled it!
SJP buildin' work 1890's



SJP 1904 (St James' Street iz on the right)

SJP 1905

SJP 1908


SJP 1930

SJP car park 1930

SJP 1960s

SJP entrance 1960s

SJP 21st century

SJP 21st century "The cathedral on the hill!"







  

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