250 kingsley park, ryton

(GROUND NUMBER 250)☺

Date of First Visit: 11^th OCTOBER 2005

KINGSLEY PARK, CRAWCROOK

RYTON ACADEMY  0

NEWCASTLE UNITED ACADEMY X1  1  (Finnigan)

FRIENDLY FIXTURE

ATTENDANCE: 105 (Estimated) (accordin’ to ‘Glennn from Ashington’!)

Chapter one:

“SHELTER(S) FROM THE STORM!”

 

"SING IN THE BUS STOP'SSSS!"

A’d been on an ‘adrenalin high’ for weeks, thinkin’ that Wigan’s JJB Stadium, was to be me 250^th groond watchin’ The Toon.

But this aall changed at precisely ‘eleven thorty one (am) bells’ on the day of the above match, when aa got a ‘text message from ‘The Bear’ on me mobile ‘tellin’ bone’, which read: “Young academy side at Ryton tonight 7pm”

This was a groond that a’d never been te, which meant that Kingsley Park, and NOT the ‘JJB’, would in fact be me ‘250^th’ watchin’ the ‘black ‘n’ whites’ in action!

Aa then made a quick phone caall to ‘The Caped Crusader’ (who himself knew nowt aboot the game) to give him ‘the good news’, AND to ‘cadge’ a lift off him!

Twenty mins after he’d picked iz up and we were sittin’ in the clubhoose bar at ‘Craacrook’ (where Ryton play) suppin’ a nice cool pint of  ‘frothy liquid refreshment’!

It was then that aa bumpted into and old mate who aa had’nt seen since me teen years, caalled ‘Dinky’

“HELLO FINK!----WOT ARE YEE DEEIN HERE!?”, he said to iz, with a surprised look on his face as he shook iz by the hand

Aa telt him, and asked HIM exactly the same question!

“Mee son plays for the Newcastle Academy team!”, came the reply, so aa asked him what he was caalled.  “Callum Little!”, he said, addin’ that he was anly sixteen.

“RULES ARE RULES!”

By this time it was ‘p*****’ doon’ and the discussion amongst the ‘Toonhoppers’ was whether we could include the groond if we watched the match from the lounge window, which owerlooked the pitch!

The fact that the perimiter fence was in FRONT of the clubhoose MEANT that it was actually OOTSIDE the groond, so we would HAVE ti gan IN to include it! (Confused?---so a’m aa!----pass the ‘broon ale’!)

My suggestion of ‘movin’ the fence’ so that it was BEHIND the clubhoose went doon like ‘a mackem in freefaall’!  (ie: 1^st division, 2^nd division, 3^rd division, etc.!)

Rules are rules aa suppose!----so wi had to gan in and  risk a soakin’ to include it in wor groondhoppin’ records! (it’s SO! SO! sad!---is’nt it just!)

Chapter two:

“BY A STRANGE QUIRK OF FATE-----HE’S NUMBER EIGHT!”

By the time the match was due to kick off it had actually stopped rainin’ (briefly!) but  apart from Finnigan and a couple of other players, nebody knew the rest of the team which was comprised of mainly ‘mid-teen’ ‘hopefuls’!

As this was me 250^th groond aa desperately wanted ti naa the name of the forst Toon player to touch the baall, as one of me superstitions IS!-------(Er!)--- that aa cannit include the groond until a’v seen a Toon player actually touch the baall!  (nuw yi naa why it’s caalled “The Reeely Sad Bastards Club”!)

This ‘historic moment’ (sic!) occurred at exactly ‘seven thorty bells’ when wor number eight kicked the game off, but nebody had a clue just who he was!

“Gan an’ ask yi old mate if he naaz  the team”, ‘Dave from York’, said, as he handed me his pen and notebook for him to fill in.  (It was an ‘historic moment’ for Dave as well, incidently, as HE! was visitin’ his 200^th Toon groond!)

‘Dinky’ duly obliged and aa asked him which number  his son was wearin’???

“Number EIGHT!”, he said  (Honestly!----yi could’iv struck iz doon with an ‘empty broon ale crate’!)

The fact that an old mates son had kicked the match off, had made ‘the moment’ aall the sweeter!, and the name ‘Callum Little’ will be forever etched in me mind! (Whey!---for at least the next fortneet anyway!)

Chapter three:

“IS THIS WAALLSEND IN DISGUISE?”

Now where was aa???---Anyway!---Before lang the rain started lashin’ doon again and we had ti tek cover in one of the many bus shelters that lined the back of the terraces!----THAT’S REET!----F***** BUS SHELTERS! (I kid you not!)

The one we sheltered under had a ‘Wallsend Town Centre’ bus timetable on the back!

And in all aa counted that there were ELEVEN! shelters aaltogether, many complete with bus stop signs! in aall shapes ‘n’ sizes, includin’ two which doubled up as the dugoots! 

SO! if anyone from Waallsend is readin’ this and wondered who nicked their bus shelter from the High Street----well!---now yi naa!

(It should be noted that the 7:55 number 15 bus to The Haymarket DID’NT torn up!-----Public transport is a disgrace theeze days!)

“SING IN THE BUS STOP!”

The sight of the bus stops brought  memories floodin’ back of a game played at Twerton Park, Bath against Bristol Rovers in the orly 90s.  The groond had what can anly be described as a ‘glorified bike shed’ which doubled up as the family enclosure and it was situated reet next to the away end.

The Toon fans as usual took the p*** and started chantin’, “SING IN THE BUS STOP!”, to their Bristolian counterparts as they wagged their fingers towards them!----it was hilarious!

Chapter fower:

“HAND BAALL!”----“HANG ON!---HE IS THE GOALIE!”

Aa wanted ti naa what the attendance was, so aa asked the rest of the ‘saddos’ what they thought it was. Glen scanned the ‘crowd’ and said: (and I quote!) “At a VERY rough estimate aa reckon that it’s 105!”

(105!---Rough estimate???---howay Glen!)

Er!---not includin’ the dugoots that’s an average of 11.66666666666666666! fans to each bus shelter, by the way!  (accordin’ to ‘The Mad Professor’!) (who, by the way!, is aalso known as ‘Statman’,!)

The Toon took the lead late in the forst half when a cross from Scott Marshall was slotted home by Finnigan and it was then time for US to “sing in the bus stop!” as we celebrated wildly! (Whey!---a couple of ‘claps’ anyway!)

This is the way it stayed in a closely contested game and the anly other ‘incident’ of note was when a Ryton player raised his arm and shouted for “hand baall”.  The anly problem with this was!---it was the Toons GOALIE! who handled it and YES! he WAS! well inside his aan box when he did!  (Me ‘finks’ that Ryton should tell their players the rules of the game!)

The epilogue:

Throughoot the match the heavy rain had come and gone and the sight of fans scurryin’ backwards and forwards  to the bus shelters was comical!---THIS! was me second oweridin’ memory of me visit to Kingsley Park-----now known as!----------Wait for it!----------------------------------‘The Go Aheed Gatesheed Groond’!

PS---At the end of the match we heeded for the exits----and  still not a bus in sight!)

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!) (qwaata of a thoosand & coontin’!)