THE TOON 4 THE JELLIED EELS MOB OF WEST HAM 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from 'High Noon bells' onwards Easter Sunday 31st March 2024

"STAND UP IF YOUR 4-3 UP!"

A breathtakin game with a breathtakin finish started off with The Toon takin the lead from the penalty spot after just 3 minutes at The Leazes End when Anthony Gordon woz hacked doon in the box!---A very lenghy VAR check for offside took langer than the 3 minutes played, but eventually the spot kick woz given and up stepped 'Alexander the Great’ (Isak) to send the West Ham goalie the wrang way to put us 1-0 up!

ISAK PENALTY!

The events and goal sequences after this were az follows:

17th minute: After gannin doon a few mins orlier, Lascelles iz unable to continue and iz replaced by Krafth

21st minute: A through baall finds Antonio and he fires past Dubravka in The Toon goals to level things! 

1-1

45 plus 10! Schar iz penalised and iz lyin on the pitch with hiz heed in hiz hand, but the ref lets wor visitors take a quick free kick and Kudus hits a risin shot into the net to put them 2-1 up at the break!

The game actually went on for anothaa 2 minutes after protest from NUFC players who asked the ref ,just why the free kick woz allowed to take place with Schar on the deck???

The 2nd half started off badly az well when after just 3 minutes after the restart The Jellied Eels Mob increased their lead when Bowen woz put clean through and he made nee mistayk az he fired past Dubravka!

The West Ham fans then taunted us by singin: "Stand up if your 3-1 up!" and "Sit down if your 3-1 down!"

We looked oot on wor feet but Steady Eddie pulled off a master stroke in the 57th minute when he brung on a 'hat-trick' of players in the shape of Almiron, Hall and Anderson, but Almiron lasted just 10 minutes with a leg injury and woz replaced by Harvey Barnes!

77th minute: A 2nd penalty iz given to us when Gordon iz again fouled in the box and again Isak takes the spot kick to send their keeper the wrang way and reduce the deficiet to one goal!

ISAK 2nd PEN!

And then the drama when supersub Harvey Barnes recieves a pass from Isak and he cooly puts the baall through the keepers legs to level the score at 3-3 in the 83rd minute!

And then bedlam in the 90th minute when Barnes runs doon the East Stand wing, runs to just ootside the box and hits an unstoppable shot into the far corner of the net, to lift the roof off the Gallowgate End and unbelievebly put us 4-3 up!

WINNIN GOAL CELEBRATIONS!

Gordon got a 2nd yellow card for kickin the baall away in the 92nd minute, but the 10 men managed to hang on to win the game with 11 minutes stoppage time played!

The Toon fans were in good voice az we taunted the West Ham fans with chants of "STAND UP IF YOUR 4-3 UP!" in revenge for their '3-1 stand up' chant!🤪👍🏁

On the minus side, more injuries to key players!

Attendance: 52,199 (3,000 shell shocked Jellied Eels fans!)

(Jellied eels iz a favourite delicacy in the east end of London, where West Ham are from!)

THE END GAME!

 

View from high up in The Milburn Stand with The Black and White Bull in the distance on Barrack Road!

Happy fans leave the groond!

PS: In total 23 minutes stoppage time woz added—That’s ower half a half! A 113 minutes game!—RIDICULOUS!

"DRINK! DRINK! WHEREVER YOO MAY BE!"

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Thorzday 28th March 2024

The forst game after the International break iz on Saturday at SJP when we take on The Jellied Eels Mob of West Ham in a ridiculous '12:30 bells' kick off! (For live telly of course!)

But Toon fans are never beaten for pre match gargels and we can tell yoo that The Leazes End/Companions Club on Leazes Park Road iz open at '9:30am bells' on Saturday to quensh your thirsts!

If yih divvint have a ticket for the game there's a big screen in the consert room upstairs to watch it!

(Correction! They don’t have TNT telly- just Sky! so yoo cannit watch it here!)

The boozer iz on the main road behind The East Stand and iz within very eazy 'hocklin distance' of the tornstiles!

It's the cheapest place aroond the groond az well and yoo can get a pint for under £3:40, which iz a poond cheaper than nearby boozers!

Pleeeze consider them for your pre match 'session' az NUFC games are their lifeline and withoot match takings they wouldn't be able to survive!

News on possible team line ups? Livramento, Trippier and Barnes could aall return, hopefully???---While Wilson, Joelinton, Botman and Lewis Miley are aall crocked and will miss oot!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Easter Sunday!---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

"WHERE WAS 'YOUR' GREAT GREAT GRANDFAATHAA ON GOOD FRIDAY 1901!???

Re-posted 'high noon bells' Good Friday 29th March 2024

FROM THE 'RONNY-GILL' ARCHIVES (Copyright? wot does that meeen?)

THE OLD POPULAR SIDE *** LEAZES TERRACE IZ IN THE BACKGROOND

Much had been written aboot wor derby against the mackems back in January, when NUFC won 3-0 in the FA Cup, with yet again a very heavy presence from the local 'dibble' to try and stop any trouble! (And of course 6,000 Toon fans forced to travel there on 120 'bubble' buses!)
But did yi naa that a major riot, 123 YEARS AGO TODAY, on Good Friday 1901 @ St James' Park, prevented THAT derby match gannin aheed aaltogether!?

Extracts below are from: 'The Football Grounds of Great Britain'

"Some 35,000 squeezed into St James' Park with as many more outside, desperate to gain entry. Fences were trampled down and before long the pitch became a battleground between rival fans!"

'Athletic News' reported that: "The club flag was torn from it's staff and riven into shreds, the goal nets at one end shard like a fate!" It added: "We are delighted to hear that the cross-bar in falling fetched one or two of the rioters a reverberating 'sock' on the headache department!"

SOMEWHERE ON GALLOWGATE---GOOD FRIDAY 1901
"GRANMAR!--IZ THAT MEE GREAT GREAT GRANDAAA
HAADIN HIZ LEG?"

 

The match never started , and it took until 5 o' clock for the police to clear the pitch, which resembled a ploughed field by this time!---And there were riots aroond the groond in the aftermath, az fightin' fans spilled oot onto the streets!

Nine people were sent to hospital, including one Newcastle fan, who was SO drunk he fell oot of the grandstand which nearly collapsed!!!---and in the aftermath, a sund'lind supporter, who was beaten up by half crazed rival fans, sued Newcastle for his money back!
He lost the case and had to pay expenses of £70! (a considerable sum in 1901!) It wasn't until a riot occurred at Goodison Park a few years later that clubs began posting up signs warning that 'in NO circumstances' 'would money be refunded'!

"AAH!---THE GOOD OLD DAYS!"  

MORE INJURY WOE FOR NUFC!

 Posted '12:17pm bells' Wedinzday 27th March 2024

"WE ARE CURSED!"

Reports that Lewis Miley haz retorned home from the Ing-er-land U20s with an injured back have surfaced, and that he could be oot for 6 weeks or langer!!!

This iz yet another injury blow to the seamingleee nevaa endin list and the sooner this season iz ower the better!---Its been a total disaster for Eddie Howe and hiz backroom staff----hassint it just!  

THE BAD BLUE BOYS OF DUNSTON 2 CARLTON TOON 3 *** @ MORPETH TOON FC

 Posted '1:18pm bells' Munday 25th March 2024

(Match played on Saturday 23rd)

DUNSTON PENALTY WITH THE TREES WAVIN IN AGREEMENT!

"TREEMENDOUS!"

With the International break in full swing we decided to heed for Morpeth where Dunston were playin' Carlton in The Northern Premyaa Leegue East division! (And congratulations to Anthony Gordon for gettin hiz 1st Ing-er-land cap!)

Dunston's 'home game' woz bein' played here coz the Northern Premyaa leegue chiefs ORDERDED that Dunston must play AALL their home games at a different venue in March coz of the state of the pitch at Dunston!

3 of us travelled up to Morpeth on the X16 bus from The Haymarket bus station in the centre of The Toon--namely 'me' (The mad-sad groundhopper) Davy ‘The Silver Fox ‘and hiz sidekick Barbara, who are both Dunston fanatics!

We got there at 11:30am bells and the forst 3 boozers we tried to get in were CLOSED!?----The 4th one woz open but there woz neebody behind the bar az we waited patiently to be sorved!---We gave up and went back to the forst boozer we tried just before high noon bells, but it woz still shut!--(Tap and Spile)--It eventually opened 5 minutes later and we finally got some 'liquid lubrications' doon wor throats to lubricate wor tonsils!

We drank there til '2 bells' and decided to heed for the taxi rank on the main road to get a taxi to the groond, which iz a canny hike from the centre of Morpeth ((aboot 2 miles away!)

There were NEE taxis to be seen so we heeded to the bus station where there woz another taxi rank, but again NEE taxis!

We then doubled back to the forst rank and hey presto!--there woz one waitin in the rank! HORRAY!

We were whisked to Craik Park (where Morpeth Toon play) and still had time for a swift liquid refreshment before the '3:00 bells' kick off in the clubhoose!

The game started off well for 'The Bad Blue Boys' (in the aall blue strip!) az Dunston took the lead in the 14th minutes from an unfortunate own goal by Dan Brown (Not unfortunate for Dunston though!) It woz blowin' a gale and the huge conifer trees behind the far satand blew sideways like a green 'Mexican wave' and it looked spectacular (See video below when Dunston hit the post)

Not to be ootdone, Dunston aalso scored an own goal in the 44th minute when Jude Swailes put the baall into hiz own net to level things!

A contravertial penalty woz then given to Dunston and after prolonged arguments with the ref up stepped Dale Pearson to put the 'home side' 2-1 up deep into fort half stoppage time! (See penalty video at the top of the page)

It woz then off to the Morpeth clubhoose for somemore booze in the half time interval!

Carlton equalised again in the 54th minute when Hardwick beat Dan Staples in the Dunston goal with another very dubuous penalty! (Mee finx the ref gave it 'to even things up', after the contraversy of the Dunston penalty!) 

And then at the death, heartbreak for 'The Bad Blue Boys' az Carlton hit the winner to the dubulation of their 11 or so fans behind the goal!---and there woz nee way back after that!

Attendance:141 (70 or so from Dunston, 11 from Carlton and a few curious locals!)

A pre-booked taxi (we were takin nee chances!) took us back to Morpeth, where we caught the X15 back to The Toon!

And the moral of the story iz!---Divvint gan to Morpeth before 'high noon bells' az the the boozers are SHUT!

SPOT THE MEXICAN WAVE! 🌊 

NAMED AND SHAMED!—THE BOOZERS THAT WIRNT OPEN BEFORE    ‘HIGH NOON BELLS 🔔’

NAMED AND SHAMED! —THE BOOZER WITH INVISIBLE BAR STAFF!

THE BAD BLUE BOYS OF DUNSTON v CARLTON TOON @ MORPETH TOON FC *** NORTHERN PREMYAA LEEGUE EAST *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 23rd March 2024

With nee Toon game ower the weekend coz of the International break, the mad-sad groundhoppers are off to Morpeth where Dunston are playin Carlton!---The Northern Premyaa Leegue have ORDERED Dunston to play aall their home games in March at anothaa groond coz of problems with their pitch!----Scandalous if yoo ask us az clubs like Dunston make nee money havin to play away, with nee gate money or bar takins etc, to cash in on!

Carlton are in the same boat and must play aall their home games away az well coz of similar pitch problems!---They are killin futbaall at the grass roots end of the pyramid! 

Get alang to your local non leegue club today and support them!----Beleeeve you me, they need the money!

THE WIZZERS OF OZ!

 Posted ‘4:54pm bells’🔔Tuesday 19th March 2024✈️ 

Az if wor injury ravaged squad of players haven’t had enough of this season —-and desperately need a rest—-we find oot that NUFC are to play 2 games in Melbourne, Australia and ‘wizz off’ on a 21,000!miles roond trip ‘doon under’,  just 3 days after wor last game at Brentfaad!

We will play Sporz in the first game on Wedinzday 22nd May at MelbourneCricketvgroond and the n a game against an A Leegue Aall Stars team 2 days later at Marvel Docklands groond, aalso in Melbourne!

This will bring the total number of games played this season to 60!

Just wot the players need “EH!?”

THE BLUE MOONS 2. THE TOON 0 *** FA CUP QWAATAA FINALS

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 18th March 2024

“THE TROPHYLESS TRAIL!”

For the 69th year in a row NUFC will end the season with nee domestic trophies in the cabinet!

For a club with such huge support it’s a travesty!

Nearly 8,000 travelled doon from Tyneside and beyond to witness a predictable lack lustre performance in east Mancland— Although the 2 goals conceded were wicked deflections from Silva shots!

The forst goal came in the 13th minute when Silva's shot took a wicked deflection off Dan Burn, leavin' goalie Dubravka stranded on hiz goal line az the baall looped ower hiz heed!

And the 2nd goal came 18 minutes later when anothaa Silva shot came of Sven Botman heed and ended up in the back of the net, with Dubravka divin the wrang way!

At this point it looked az if we'd suffer a big hammerin' but it wasn't to be, with Alexander Isak missin a great chance befor the break, which would have given us at least a smaall chance of comin back!

But the truth iz that The Blue Moons are streets aheed of us and were much the better team----We had 2 shots on goal by Isak and that woz it!

This financial (UN)fair play rulin to protect 'the cartel six' iz workin a treat, with 3 of them in the semi finals of the FA Cup yet again!

And barin a miracle that Championship Coventry can beat Moan U in the semi finals, it will be an 'aall cartel' final at Wembley come May---yet again!

Arrr well!--At least it wont cost us a fortune for hotel accomidation, train fares and match tickets at £100 (Wot aa paid for a Leegue Cup final ticket last season!) come the semis next month!

Az Moan U will be in the semis, wor game against them at 'The Theatre of Muppets' due to be played that weekend, will now be moved to a midweek date! (And an owerneet stay!--So indeed that meeenz more expense!)

Attendance: 52,126 (NOT!---az there were loads of empty seats in the home sections!)

* PS: Not to be outdone by the empty home seats, some of WOR ‘fans’? made for the concourses for beer and burgers after City’s 2nd goal in the 30th minute —-and didn’t retorn til 20 minutes after the 2nd half started???

This photo woz taken 15 minutes into the 2nd period!🥶

PPS: They mayazwell have stopped at home and watched it on the telly! 📺 

The pub crawl took places in the following drinkin dens🍺🍺🍺🍺JUST 4 THIS TIME!

HEATON PARK (FOR THE 3rd TIME THIS SEASON!)

CLOUDWATER BREW CO.

TRA  RCH (TRACK BREWERY)

GREY HORSE 

THE BLUE MOONS v THE TOON *** FA CUP QWAATAA FINAL **** TOMORROW TEATIME

 Posted '6:30 pm bells' Friday 15th March 2024

VIEW OF THE PENNINES IN THE DISTANCE HIGH UP IN TIER 3 OF THE SOUTH STAND WHEN WE LOST 1-0 ORLIER THIS SEASON!

(TIER 3 AGAIN— HOPE THERES NEE ‘TEARS’😭 

The FA Cup draw that neebody wanted woz Man City away---and so!----Az yi'd expect!---Thats exactleee who we got!— Wor 6th FA Cup away tie in a row!

7,800 Toon fans will occupy tier 2 and 3 of The South Stand!

Wembley beckons for the winners in the semis and not many Toon fans Fink we will make it that far!???🤔

Anthony Gordon who haz just been caalled up into the Ing-er-land squad iz expected to start, but Trippier, Barnes, Wilson and The Pope are still crocked— az iz De Bruyne for Man City (thank God!)

We are drivin doon in The Geordie Times ‘canny tranny’ 9 seater van ⬇️ (just 4 of us) and are stopping owerneet at the same Manchester hotel for the third time this season!( once v Moan U and once v Man C in the Premyaa Leegue!)

THE GEORDIE TIMES ‘CANNY TRANNY’, COMPLETE WITH THE TYNE BRIDGES AND BLUE STAR!

A full Geordie Times match (and boozer 🍺🍺🍺 report will appear here sometime on Sunday (if we win?🤪) —-or Munday (if we divvint!🥶). 

Az per usual! “Watch this space!”

THE CHELSEEE CHARVERS 3-2 THE TOON *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from '11:22amvbells' on the train back from London, Tuezday 12th March 2024

*”LONDON CULLING!”

For the 2nd time in less than a month we were beaten in the capital when we lost 3-2 to Chelseee last neet!

Worryingly Chelseee arnt even a good team theeeze days, so to concede 3 against them doesn’t bare well for wor trip to Man City on Saturday in the FA Cup qwaataa finals!

*With 4 goals conceded at The Arse last month, that’s 7 goals against us in London in 16 days and 2 goals ‘for’!

The goal sequences were az follows:

6th minute: A botched Botman clearance went straight to Palmer who hit a shot from the edge of the box which deflected off another Chelseee player (Jackson) and into the corner of the net beyond Dubravka’s outstretched arm!

*42nd minute: A Bruno through baall finds Isak who hits a fine shot into the net to level things at half time!

57th minute: Palmer latches onto a loose baall and fires past Dubravka to restore the hosts lead! 

77th minute: Substitute Mudryk rounds wor keeper to put Chelseee 3-1 up!

89th minute: Jacob Murphy reduces the deficit to one goal when he shoots at the near post from a Miley pass and his shot squeezes into net!

This woz too little too late and it ended 3-2 to the home side to complete wor misery!

To compound wor misery both Dan Burn and Anthony Gordon went off injured to add to the very lang list!

That’s 32 away goals conceded this season which iz joint worst with relegation certainties Sheff United —-and in the Premyaa Leegue era we have beaten Chelseee just once in 35 attempts! (inc cup games)—- SHOCKIN’!

Attendance: 38,752 — 3,000 below capacity.—- 3,000 Toon fans

LONDON PUB CRAWL (7 boozers visited)

THE CHELSEEE CHARVERS v THE TOON *** MUNDAY NEET

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 10th March 2024

WE WERE HERE JUST 4 MONTHS AGO IN THE LEEGUE CUP!

We heed for west London yet again for a ridiculous '8:00 bells Munday neet kick off for the benefit of the couch potatoes and pub plonkies!

Definatleee NOT for the benefit of The Toon Travellers who are forced yet again to have an owerneet stay in the capitol!

Keiron Trippier will be missin through the calf injury he picked up in the 3-0 win ower Wolves last Saturday, although Matt Targett iz in contention to retorn after injury, while Chelseee loanee Lewis Hall iz ineligable!

*We of course have played at Stamford Bridge orlier this season in The Leegue Cup when we drew 1-1 with a last gasp equalisin goal for the home side!----And agonizingleee we lost in the penalty shootout at the end!

We are on the train to King's Cross at '11:00 bells' in the mornin IF it tornz up?) and a Geordie Times match report of sorts will appear here az we travel back on the train on Tuezday mornin'!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

PS Congratulations to Gatesheed for reaching the semi finals of the FA Trophy by beatin Peterborough Sports 3-2 at Gatesheed Stadium yesterday .

The draw for the semis takes place on Munday afternooon!

The final iz at Wembley! 🏟️ 

🤪👍🏁

"SHIRK, REST AND PAY!"

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Friday 8th March 2024

"LIFE'S A BEACH!". 

“You too could have a body like me —-if  you’re not careful!”

Amanda Staveley woz speakin at an event in Saudi Arabia last neet and had some startlin and dammin things to say aboot wor former manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' when the takeower happened!

She said (and I quote) "We had a team that was ageing, A COACH THAT BASICALLY DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO COME TO WORK, a fanbase that was very angry and we had to take this incredible club and inject it with some life!" 

She aalso said that the club shop woz run like a jumble sale (or words to that effect!) and that commercially the revenue woz akin to a corner shop's, rather that Harrod's (or words to that effect!)

In other words, 'Brucey' wanted to gan and watch cricket in the caribbean, or lie like a beached whale in a sun kissed resort, rather than 'manage' NUFC, by givin' the players time off from trainin' when it suited him!---And of course pick up a big fat salary in the process!

A DAMMIN' INDICIMENT INDEED FROM AMANDA!  

SJP EXPANSION OR RELOCATION!?

 Posted '5:40pm bells' Wedinzday 6th March 2024

*

A MAP OF A POSSIBLE NEW STADIUM FOR NUFC REET NEXT TO SJP

*Much haz been written lately aboot the expansion or relocation of St. James' Park! But one thing wor owners must not dee iz build a stadium miles away from the city centre az this would be catastrophic for pubs, clubs and food outlets that surroond SJP

The last count there were 118 drinkin dems within walking distance of the groond!

For example take The Leazes End aka Companions Club on Leazes Park road within hocklin distance of The East Stand.

Last Saturday before and after the Wolves home game the bar and concert room were packed and they took ower £4,000 in beer sales!

In complete contrast on Sunday they had 5 customers including little old me and took the grand total of £25 in beer sales!

It’s closed from Munday to Thorzday az it’s not worth opening and if it wasn’t for NUFC fans on match days the boozer couldn’t survive and would have to close for good for the above reasons if we moved away from the city centre!

Many of the other 117 drinkin dens would aalso be forced out of business az well !

So it’s imperative <(we naa aall the big words!) that we stay in the city centre for the above reasons!

The East Stand on the left and Leazes Terrace on the right are the reasons for the non expansion of The East Stand.

Have heard that The Friends of Leazes Park are in agreement to move the facade of the grade one listed Leazes Terrace to a new site near the tennis courts in Leazes Park so we can expand The East Stand!

Wether this will actually happen iz anybody’s guess???

Meanwhile the rumours continue unabated!

More on aall this if we find anything oot!?

*PS we understand that a possible site next to The Redheugh Bride where the Arena stands haz been bought by a housing company

(The Arena iz to relocate to Gatesheed Quays near The Millennium Bridge and will be demolished)

*