Wednesday 31 December 2014

"PIE AYE THE LADS!" *** THE TOON v BORNLEY **** NEXT YEAR, "ER!", TOMORROW!"

Posted '9:45pm bells' New Years Eve 2014

John Carver's press conference after the Everton game reeely summed up wor farcical predicament! ----Didn't it!

P45DEW fails to show for the post-match press conference and asks hiz deputy to step in and 'de it'!

"I waz eatin' a pie when Alan Pardew asked me to de the press conference!"

He didn't expand on this, so wot we divvint naa and iz 'vitally' important!---IZ!---waz it a chicken pie?, waz it a mince and onion pie??, waz it a 'Dickmans' mushroom and 'taatty' pie <(with 'Bisto' gravy)???, OR! waz it in fact a 'Fray Bentos' snake and pigmy pie????---that he waz eatin'?????

"Answers on a postcard pleeeze!" to!: 'The Fat Controller', who we understand iz gettin' 'pie-eyed' in Barbados, at this very moment---"az we speeeek!"

   

Tuesday 30 December 2014

P45DEW HEEDS FOR THE PALACE!

Posted '12:45pm bells' Tuesday 30th December 2014

News that Alan Pardew iz to fly the Magpies nest for the Eagles nest iz dein' the roonds in aall the papers today!

Claims that he waz driven oot by the hate mob are not far off the mark, but the fact that he will DOUBLE hiz salary @ Selhurst iz a major factor az well!

This man gans doon in wor history for aall the wrang reasons havin lost 4 derbies in a row for the forst time ever! <(That's sommik to have on your CV isn't it!)

Hiz excuses when we lost (which iz quite often!) were borderin' on the ridiculous! 
Dodgy refs, blatant hand balls, offsides, sendins off, fouls in the box and last but not least the FANS fault for not winnin a game, coz we were CHEERIN' tooo much!? <(absolutleee ridiculous!)

Wot more can we say in a year which haz seen just ONE good month, which waz in November!

Now the speculation begins az to just who will take ower the 'Yes Mans' post? <(we shall see---we shall see!?)

Watch this space!


On anothaa point, it iz claimed that we sang 'The Munich song' at Man U on Boxin' Day by some Twitter users?----We were in the middle of the away section and can tell yoo that we hord
NO SUCH CHANT WHATSOEVER!

It shud be noted that the usual 17th minutes applause for the victims of the MH17 air crash waz NOT taken up by the Man U fans!----The forst time that any of wor opponents this season haz failed to do so? <(mebeez they didn't realise just why we were clappin'?) < (We therefore, will give them the benefit of doubt!)

Monday 29 December 2014

THE TOON 3 THE TOFFEE NOSES 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Monday 29th December 2014

"JACK'S THE LAD!"

We said yesterday that we thought the game would probably be a bore draw and that's exactleee wot we didn't get! <(yet again 'The Geordie Times' gets it aall wrang!)

The sequence of events were az follows:

5th minute: Disaster strikes az The Toffee Noses gan ahead through Kone, who shoots home from inside the 6 yard box @ The Gallowgate End!

33rd minute: Cisse clobbers Colman with hiz elbow after he iz held back---luckily the officials missed it!
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

37th minute: Tiote's cross iz pulled back by Williamson and it faalls nicely for Cisse who rifles the baall into the net for the equaliser!

53rd minute: Tiote finds Perez inside the box and the Spaniard tuck a neeet shot just inside the post to put The Toon 2-1 up!

70th minute: Everton's Ross Barkley drops a clanger and gives the baall straight to 'Ginger Jack' Colback and he gleefully excepts hiz belated Xmas present and knocks the baall underneath Robles in the visitors goal!  He celebrates hiz FORST EVER GOAL for us wildly, in front of The Gallowgate End!
'GINGER JACK'  SENDS IN A CORNER FROM THE GALLOWGATE END
(View from Milburn Stand balcony)

82nd minute: We try to shoot worsels in the foot by allowin' Merallas through the middle and he chips Alnwick to bring the game back to 3-2 az the 3,000 Toffee Noses celebrate high up behind The Leazes goal!

82nd to 95th minutes: A nailbitin' last few minutes then follows and we are very unfortunate not to gan 4-2 up when Perez hits the post from the edge of the area deep into injury time!---the baall rebounds to Riviere but he slices the baall wide!

We 'haad on' to claim the valuable 3 points and prove 'The Geordie Times' wrang! <(we are so pleezed we were wrang!---beleeeve yoo me!) to end this sad and tragic year on a 'high'!

Toon team: Alnwick, Janmaat, Coloccini, Williamson, Dummett, Perez, Sissoko, Tiote, Colback, Gouffran (Cabella 91), Cisse (Riviere 72)

Attendance: 52,313 (3,000 Toffee Noses)   *

Sunday 28 December 2014

THE TOON v THE TOFFEE NOSES *** THIS AFTERNOON!

Posted '9:55am bells' Sunday 28th December 2014
ACTION FROM LAST SEASON @ SJP *** WE LOST 3-0 !

We gan into todays live telly game ('4:15 bells' on SKY) lookin' to avoid wor 5th defeat 'on the bounce' against an Everton side who have won just 1 oot of their last 6 games and a 'bore-draw' seems the likely outcome!---especially since wor 'manager of the month' haz said that he wants 4 points oot of the next 6! 
Az we are at home today and New Years Day (against Bornley) we can anly assume? that a draw today and 3 points against relegation threatened Bornley are hiz ambitions!  (Surely we shud be gannin for aall SIX points???)


Anyway!---a full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!  

Saturday 27 December 2014

THE MANC MUPPETS 3 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '10:21am bells' Saturday 27th December 2014

"TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED!"  <("We anly lost 3-1 !")
PAPPIS CISSE SCORES FROM THE SPOT @ 'THE THEATRE OF MUPPETS'!

Wor last away game of 2014 ended in a predictable defeat, although a 3-1 revorse waz better than we expected!

We said yesterday mornin' in 'The Geordie Times' that we feared that Rooney and co. would have their shootin' boots on and that's exactly wot happened az 'The Wigged Wonder from Mickeymouseland' scored two eazy goals, the forst that your great grandma could have knocked in with hor zimmer frame!

Some of the 3,000 Toon fans were in festive spirit az they chucked beer @ £4.50 a pint ower each othaa in the concourse before the game! <(They've got more money than brains in their empty heeds--me finx!)
Aa managed to avoid a soakin' by heedin' for 'shelter' in mee seat in row 21 of 'The East Stand' (formerly 'The Scoreboard End'!)

The Toon ran oot in an inexplicable grey strip (WHY?) when of course we wore wor famous black n white stripes in wor famous victory here the year before!
VIEW FROM ROW 21, SEAT 61, EAST STAND

In the 14th minute we had a penalty appeal waved away by the ref after Mata clips Gouffran in the box at the far Stretford End <(It waz hard to tell from where we were, if it was a pen or not?)

It waz soon 'backs to the waall' az Man U pounded wor goal and it waz a suprize that it took then az lang az the 22nd minute to take the lead az heavy rain lashed doon!
Mata foond Falcao and hiz precision pass foond an unmarked Rooney who had the simple task of sidefootin' the baall into wor net ---(tooo eazy!)

Their lead waz soon doubled just 13 minutes later when Falcao again foond Rooney and he excepted hiz chance to finish well!
CRICKET GROOND

We'd been to a boozer next to Old Trafford Cricket Groond before the game and a 'cricket score' at it's 'namesake' now looked on the cards!
However!---there waz ne more scorin' til half time and we trooped off the pitch, lookin' resigned to defeat aalready!

THE TOON ATTACK THE STRETFORD END (1st half)

It took the home side just 7 minutes in the 2nd period to increase their lead when 'The Wigged Wonder' lofts the baall ower wor defence to find the heed on Van Persie who (unmarked) heeded past a helpless Jak Alnwick in The Toon goal @ 'The Stretford End'!
With nearly 40 minutes left on the clock it didn't look tooo good for us, but 'The Mancs' took their foot off the gas on the field az 70,000 'Muppets' in the crowd cheered half heartedly! <(there were thoosands of Man U 'tourists' in 'The Theatre of Muppets', wearin' their new gear from the club shop and many had those awful 'half and half' scarves on!)

Anyway!--- there WAZ anothaa goal!---from US! <(horray!) when in the 85th minute Jack Colback waz fouled in the box by Jones and Cisse made ne misstayk from the spot, az he fired the baall into the top corner of the net to give the 3,000 Toon faithful at least sommik to cheer!

THE TOP OF 'THE PENNINES' ON THE M62
(View from 'Biffa the Beer's jam jar!) 
That's the way it ended and we heeded back to wor car which waz parked near the groond and after a near 4 hour drive back through rain, fog and blizzard conditions on the M62 we arrived back on Tyneside, thankful that, indeed, it wasn't a 'cricket score' in the end!

Toon team: Alnwick, Janmaat, Coloccini, Steve Taylor, Dummett (Cabella 63), Colback, Anita, Sissoko, Perez (Vuckic 82), Gouffran, Armstrong (Cisse 63)

Attendance: 75,318 (72,318 'Theatre of Muppeteers', 3,000 Toon fans!)   *

THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!
A PLAQUE TO MUNICH AIR CRASH VICTIM TOMMY TAYLOR
HE LIVED IN THIS HOOSE OWER THE ROAD FROM THE CRICKET GROOND

FOOTBAALL TOURISTS & 'THE THEATRE OF MUPPETS'---AN EXPLANATION!

Man U are without doubt the most tourist riven club in the world!
The sight of 100's of bemused oriental ladies and gentlemen (some wearin' face masks!) heedin' for the tornstiles with their bags of souvenirs from the club shop and wearin' half and half Manc/Toon scarves waz a sight to behold!

Of course there are many others from other parts of planet Orth az well, just like the Orient <(NOT Leyton!) who claim to follow them, from Dublin to Dubai!---and of course!, London to Lahore! 
Stalls ootside the groond sellin' anythin' from hot dogs to tacky team photos (and of course!) half and half scarves were everywhere and they reminded me of the Sunday market on Newcastle quayside!
Scarf sellers in particular were in abundance on the pavements ootside the tornstiles sellin' their wares to gazing 'tourists', eager to snap up a bargain!? <(NOT!) az they took photos of everything and anything that moved!

Inside the groond yoo could see that they just didn't naa wot to de when Rooney scored---shud they wave their half Toon scarves?---or clap?---or cheer!?---"Welcome to 'The Theatre of Muppets!"
  

Friday 26 December 2014

THE MANC MUPPETS v THE TOON *** TOOODAY @ '3 BELLS'

Posted '7:43am bells' Boxin' Day 2014

This mornin' we heed ower the Pennines to 'The Theatre of Muppets' where we take on a rejuvenated home side under their new manager!
Last season of course we witnessed wor forst win there since 1972 and a repeat of that wud be a very nice Xmas present indeeed!
However!--reality tells us that this iz very unlikely to happen, especially if Rooney and co. have got their shootin' boots on? (and we havvent!) and we of course are on 'a downer' after 3 bad defeats in a row!

We will have a followin' of 3,000 in the away end and pleeeze!---ne smoke bombs in the concourse this time, like at Sporz!
The match iz live on BT Sports

History lesson: We forst played Newton Heath (who later became Man U) 114 years ago, on 6th April 1895 @ Bank Street, Manchester and we lost 5-1 in a (old) Division 2 game in front of a 6,000 crowd

Wor forst ever meetin' @ Old Trafford waz on 15th October 1910 in the old 1st Division, when (again) we lost, this time by 2-0 in front of 50,000.

Geordie Times history: A 2-1 defeat 41 years ago, on 17th March 1973 in front of 48,426, when Irving Nattrass scored for us. We were in the Main Stand Paddock that day <(Me finx?)

Wor aall time record against them isn't so good eetha, in the159 competitive games played between us, NUFC have won 41, drawn 37 and lost 81 times against them!   

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here tomorrow sometime and we can anly hope that it's 'glad tidings we bring'?

PS: We make ne apology for 'digging up' last seasons historic win 'doon there' and this iz printed below!

THE MUPPETS OF MANCHESTER 0 THE TOON 1 !!! ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-14 *** "THE JINX HAZ BEEN JETTISONED!" *** "THE CURSE IZ CAST!"

Updated '8:15pm bells' Sunday 8th December 2013

Aa forst saw The Toon play @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' az a fresh faced teenager ower 40 years ago, when we lost 2-1 in a old Forst Division match and up til '12:45 bells' yesterday aa still had never seen them win there! (Apart from 2 FA Cup semis against Sporz and Sheff Utd)
A'v been gannin' ever since and waz beginnin' to think that we would NEVER EVER beat them there in my lifetime!

"IZ THIS WOR LUCKY OMEN BAR? ***READ ON!"

Before the match we heeded off to wor usual Manchester 'haunt' of 'The Retro Bar' not too far from Piccadilly train station where the bar manager had a familiar 'Geordie twang' to hiz accent!
"Where are yee from-like?" aa asked him!
"Scotshy Road!", came the reply (that's Scotswood Road in Newcastle, made famous in 'The Blaydon Races' song!)
Iz this a 'lucky omen' aa thought???

Anyway!--- after a few 'gargels' we heeded for Salford on the train which handily dropped us outside the away tornstiles and 'in we went'!

We started off well and enjoyed a descent spell of possession with several chances gannin' aa beggin' and we edged the forst half and went in goal-less at the break!

Again we came oot in the 2nd period intent on winnin' it and then on the hour mark @ precisely '2:06 bells' a wonderous thing happened!
'The Sissoko Kid' got a slice of luck az the baall broke for him doon the right and he waz able to gallop forward before cuttin' the baall back to Yohan Cabaye who fired 'the wonder goal' past Gea in 'The Muppeteers' goal!
The three thousand Toon fans then went 'completeleee off it' az they jumped on the seats and one kid behind me nearly broke hiz leg az he went 'arse ower tit' into the row in front!

There waz still quite a way to gan az the clock ticked doon slowly with every minute seemin' like an hour az the home side pressed for the equaliser!
THE TOON (in their Brazil strip!) CELEBRATE WOR FAMOUS VICTORY!
It never came! and on the final whistle we celebrated az though we'd just won the FA Cup!---A MAGIC MOMENT for everyone present! ("er!" apart from the 72,000 Muppets!---many of whom had since departed!)

So here I am, fast appoachin' 'zimmerfame', free prescription and bus pass age, with mee forst ever win against them doon here 'under mee belt' at last!


 'The Sporting Life' reported: 
Amid their glee the Magpie fans delivered two of the cruellest jibes! "You're gettin' sacked in the morning!" towards David Moyes and "You're goin' down with The mackems!", the derogatory name they give to their arch rivals from wearside!    


It waz 41 years ago that we last beat 'The Cockney Boys of Salford' on their own patch, but az curses would have it I wasn't there to see it!

Honestleee!---it waz a golden moment to savour!---to finalleee get this 'monkey off wor back'!


Toon team: Krul, Debuchy (Yanga 83), Williamson, Coloccini,  Santon, Tiote, Anita, Sissoko, Cabaye (Shola Ameobi 78), Gouffran (Ben Arfa 77), Remy

Attendance: 75,233 (3,000 Toon fans who will NEVER forget this day!)

"THE JINX HAZ BEEN JETTISONED!***
THE CURSE HAZ BEEN CAST!"


Wednesday 24 December 2014

SPORZ 4 THE TOON 0 *** LEEGUE CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted '8:04pm bells' Xmas Eve 2014

"Sorry for the late postin' of this game---nearly a week late!---but this IZ 'The Geordie Times'!"
THE TOON (in green & blue) KICK THE GAME OFF!
(View from the front row of the upper tier of the away end)

"YET MORE CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!"

After the capitulation in the capital city against 'The Arse' the previous Saturday, wor 'manager of the month' telt us that we must regroup and put on a show for the 4,200 fans who had trekked back to the capital just fower days later for 'this one'!
Well!---at least we scored against 'The Arse' az this time it waz even worse!

Some 'piss-brain' from 'wor lot' set off a smokebomb in the away concourse resultin' in the tornstiles bein' closed az the fire alarms went off!
Aa waz 'lucky'? and managed to get in before the start, az huge plumbs of smoke enveloped it.
Many Toon fans missed the kick off  because of this 'toe-rag', who shud be banned for life in they catch him/hor! <(99% certain it will be a 'him'!)

The goal sequences were az follows!
18th minute: A corner by Sporz at 'wor end' waz fumbled by 3rd choice keeper Jak Alnwick and Bentaleb waz waitin' to volley home! (0-1!)

46th minute: Chadli received up the baall and fires past Alnwick with barely 40 seconds on the clock into the 2nd half! (0-2!)

65th minute; Harry Kane shoots past Alnwick to put Sporz '3 up' with the game now beyond us!

70th minute: Jak Alnwick punches the baall straight to Soldado who gleefully excepts hiz chance to put us 'oot' and Sporz into the 'semis'!
THE TOON ATTACK THE SPORZ GOAL (2nd half)

After the match wor 'manager of the month' tells us that we must 'regroup' and beat the mackems in Sunday's upcomin' derby match @ St James', tellin' us: Quote: "We have to make sure our fans go home with a performance which gives them a win!"  Unquote!

Guess wot happened next!????

Toon team: Alnwick, Coloccini, Williamson, Haidera, Dummett, Colback, Cabella (Vuckic 80), Gouffran, Perez, Sissoko (Anita 72), Riviere (Armstrong 60)

Attendance: 34,677 (4,199 pissed-off Toon fans and 1 piss-brain!)

Tuesday 23 December 2014

NEW GROOND JUST VISITED!

Posted '8:17 pm bells' Tuesday 23rd December 2014

Below iz 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' match report from Bolton academy from last Saturday <(yooo aalways get the match report----eventually!)

315 lostock academy, lostock, "ne where near bolton!"

(Ground number 315)
Date of First Visit: 20th December 2014
Lostock Academy, Lostock

Bolton Wanderers U18s  0
Newcastle United U18s  1  (Jamie Holmes)

Under 18 Premier League
Attendance: 43 (includin' 7 Toon fans)  <(3 of us were missin' at the start!)




THE TOON ATTACK THE BOLTON GOAL (1st half)

'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' picked me and 'Glennn from Ashington' up at the appointed time of  '9 am bells' in hiz jam jar and 'off we set' across the Pennines via Brough and Kirkby Stephen and doon the M6.
We had plenty of time to spare before the '12:30 bells' kick and I told 'Blondie' that there waz a boozer not too far from Bolton's main ground, which in turn, wasn't too far from their academy! (accordin' to the map!)

And then disaster struck!---az we drove doon the M6 a huge traffic jam blockin' aall 3 lanes suddenly appeared in front of us at junction 34!
A quick look at the map telt me that it might be a better bet to torn off there and find another way!---then!---aall of a sudden the traffic started movin' and we made the fatal missteak of stayin' on the motorway!  Half a mile forthaa on and we were stopped dead again and didn't move for 15 minutes!
Glennn foond a traffic report on hiz 'mobile' which said that a lorry had owertorned between junction 34 and 33 and 2 lanes were blocked!---hence the 'jam!

Time waz tickin' by and we soon realised that there waz 'ne chance' of makin' the kick off az we sat in the queue motionless for anothaa 20 minutes!---(and ne time now for a pre-match 'gargel', eethaa!)

The dreaded thought that we might miss the match aaltogether dawned on us at 'high noon bells' az we were still 30 odd miles from wor destination on "The Highway To Hell!"
And then at last the queue started to move and we passed a 'Malcolm of Brookfield' artic which had owertorned and waz the cause of wor delay!
'Full speed ahead' waz now the order of the day and we got to the game some 19 minutes late, but we were telt by a Toon fan who we think? iz  caalled 'The Secret Pigeon' <(see Burnley match report!) that it waz goal-less and that we had missed nowt!

The wind waz bitin' az we stood by the touchline, but at least it waz from behind us and not in wor faces!
And then in the 39th minute (20th by wor watches!) the deadlock waz broken when a cross from Jamie *Colburn foond Jamie Holmes and he neatly back heeled the baall into the Bolton net with the keeper stranded! 
*'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' haz since pointed out to me that the player who crossed the baall iz in fact caalled Jamie COBAIN!
(Well done 'Blondie' for spottin' my dilllibrit mistayk!) 

ACTION FROM THE 2nd HALF

Huge applause rang oot from the 7 Toon faithful present ("Er!"---wor hands were cold!) az the youngins celebrated in the right hand goal from us!

To wor left and in the far distance wor U16s were playin' az well on a higher level pitch but we have to tell yoo that we didn't have a clue wot the score waz from that game <(and still divvint!)

THE U16s GAME***IN THE DISTANCE!

There waz ne more scorin' in the 2nd period of wor game, (in wot waz a very drab contest!) and we ran oot 1-0 winners to record yet anothaa groond/pitch off 'the mad-sad groundhoppers list'

The jorney back waz uneventful <(ne holdups this time!) and we arrived back on Tyneside @ '5 bells' for some celebratory 'liquid lubrications'!


THERE WERE NE TEAMSHEETS, SO WE PRODUCED WOR OWN!



Monday 22 December 2014

THE TOON 0 THE SMBs 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '8:47am bells' Munday 22nd December 2014

Hollow promises from wor manager Alan P45DEW that we would 'reward' wor fans with a  'fightin performance' in the derby after the disastrous defeat at Sporz last Wednesday, fell on 'deaf ears' az we lost to them for the 4th time in a row, givin' us (and HIM!) this very unwanted record in Tyne/wear history, stretchin' back to the 19th century!

Playin' just one up front for the 4th time in a row against them waz a recipe for disaster (again!) and we put in a disjointed performance, hardly able to put two passes together and hoofin the baall aimlessly upfield at any opportunity!
The mackems wornt any better az two mediocre teams slogged it oot for 89 minutes withoot any breakthrough!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END (1st HALF)

There were chances for both sides to open the scorin' before that, but terrible finishin' waz the order of the day!
And then in the very last minute of this cr*p game the horror story unfolded az they scored @ The Gallowgate End!
I covered my face and then looked through the cracks of my fingers, hopin' against hope that the ref would disallow it for some reason---but he DIDN'T! and the game waz lost!

2nd HALF ACTION @ THE LEAZES END

The boozers were jam packed after the game and we ended the neet in 'The Railway Club' where a'd previously bought a Xmas raffle ticket from 'Norman the Cowboy Plumber'---number 1996 came up az the winner of a bottle of vodka and it waz MY ticket that won it!

Oh! the f***in' temptation to drink the lot then and there!!!

Toon team who now have that unwanted record!:
Alnwick, Janmaat, Steve Taylor, Coloccini, Dummett, Tiote (Cisse 75), Colback, Sammy Ameobi (Cabella 89), Sissoko, Gouffran (Armstrong 59), Perez

Attendance: 52,315 (3,000 mackems) The mackems joined in the usual 17th minutes applause for the MH17 victims and we applauded them in the 33rd minute in response, for the fund they had started which raised £33,000)   *

Sunday 21 December 2014

THE TOON v the mackems *** ORLY THIS AFTERNOON!

Posted '8:53am bells' Sunday 21st December 2014
THE GEORDIE TIMES'Z FORST DERBY GAME IN 1967 *** NUFC WON 2-1 !

@ '1:30 bells' this afternoon we kick off in the BIGGEST game of wor season so far, when we entertain the mackems in the 151st Tyne/wear derby!

We can anly hope that we fare better than we have in the last 3 and collect the 3 points to propel us back up the table in this 'see-saw season'

Jak Alnwick will be in goal again and we can anly hope that he plays like he did in the 2nd half against Chelski in wor last home game and 'not play' like he did @ Sporz last Wednesday! (17 year old Freddie Woodman iz hiz cover!)

The 'liquid lubrication locations' are aall openin' @ '10:00 bells' and after the events of MH17 we hope that there iz ne trouble az 'the mackems' did start off a fund that raised £33,000 for 'The Undertaker's' and 'Liam from the Lamp's' family!
Theeze of course were two of wor great friends and they are sadly missed by aall!

We understand that az well az the usual 17th minutes applause for John and Liam there will aalso be applause in the 33rd minute for the mackems who started off the fund! <(thanx lads 'n' lasses!)

A full 'Geordie Times' match report on the game will be forthcomin' sometime on Munday when aa sober up!

"HOWAY THE TOON!"

History lesson: Wor forst ever competitive meetin' between NUFC and safc @ St James' Park waz 115 years ago, on 22nd April 1899 when we lost 1-0 in front of a 22,000 crowd.
We have played them 150 times and have won 53, drawn 48 and lost 49

Geordie Times history: Boxin' Day 1967 @ St James' when we won 2-1 with wor goals comin' from 'Ankles' Bennett and Wyn 'The Leap' Davies!
I waz one of the 59,579 present on that memorable day 47 lang years ago!

Saturday 20 December 2014

THE GEORDIE TIMES IZ BACK ONLINE!

Posted '10:13pm bells' Saturday 20th December 2014

Forst of aall!--- grovellin' apologies for not updatin' this site since last Tuesday, but we have had horrendous problems gettin' onto the internet!
'Virgin' have sent us a new router az the old one waz knackered and we will try and fill the backlog of games (Sporz away last Wednesday and Bolton U18s away today), A.S.A.P!

Pleeeze bear with us!---it iz of course 'derby weekend' and we will  be bringin' yoo wor loyal reeeders a compreeehesive match report on that sometime on Munday!  

Tuesday 16 December 2014

SPORZ v THE TOON *** LEEGUE CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 16th December 2014

Tomorrow neet we heed back to London for wor THORD game there since Saturday (see article below!) and 2nd meetin' with Sporz doon here in less than 2 months!
We travel doon at dinnatime and shud be in N17 sometime later on for the usual 'liquid lubrications' IF we can find a boozer that iz open, hazzent been convorted to a coffee shop or bornt to the groond! <(It's a lovely place iz Tottenham!)

Not sure wot team we will put oot but the fact that 4,200 Toon fans are gannin doon for this one, meenz we can anly hope that it's wor strongest team? <(we shall see???)

More to follow on aall this tomorrow mornin'!

Meenwhile wor resorve side have a friendly against Bedlington Terriers tooneet at 'The Doctor Pitt' and kick off iz at '7:30 bells' for any mad-sad groundhoppers who have nevaa been there! <(it's a dump!)

PS just foond oot that wor FA Cup game against 'The Basil Brush Brigade of Leicester will take place @ '3 bells' on Saturday January 3rd  (Thanx to Rob and Biffa for lettin' me know!)

Sunday 14 December 2014

'3:00 PM BELLS', MILLWAALL U18s 1 THE TOON U18s 3 *** FA YOUTH CUP 3rd ROOND < "MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!" > '5:30 PM BELLS', THE ARSE 4 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

(Ground number 314)
Date of First Visit: 13th December 2014 ('3:00pm bells')
The New Den, New Cross, London

Millwall U18s  1
Newcastle United U18s  3 (Roberts(pen), Longstaff, Drennen (pen)

FA Youth Cup 3rd round
Attendance: 507 includin' approx. 20 'NUFC mad sad groundhoppers!'  <(Some didn't make it to the Arsenal game!)


"MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!"
CALLUM ROBERTS PENALTY *** 1-0 UP!
(THE TOON ARE IN GREY)

The hardest day in mee 'NUFC supportin' life' started off @ 'The Central' where the '9:30 bells' train to King's Cross had been delayed by 15 minutes and would now not get to London til '1pm bells'! <(Great start!)
Az the Youth Cup game at Millwaall kicked off @ '3 bells' it didn't give me much time to grab a few 'liquid lubrications' and heed for 'New Cross'

Millwaall, yoo see, refused NUFC's request to bring the kick off time forward so the youngins could gan to Arsenal and watch the forst team in action.---"No one likes us--we don't care!", they sing and now we naa why! 

A'd arranged to meet 'Dave from York and hiz sidekick 'Alex of St George' in The Compton Arms boozer near Arsenal's groond, where a quick pint of 'Guzzler' reel ale waz consumed before departin' for wor epic two game attempt!

Off we set at '1:45 bells' from the nearest tube station where a 22 minute ride to sooth London waz undertaken and then after a 20 waalk from South Bermondsey Station through darkened alleyways and railway sidings, we eventually foond worsels in the Executive Suite of Millwaall's main stand! <(we paid 'a tenner' to get in so we could get a drink in the bar!)
2 TOON FANS 'RISK THEIR LIVES' WAALKIN' THROUGH
A DARKENED ALLEY ON THE WAY TO THE DEN!

A quick 'gargel' 'there' and it waz time to find wor seats where the usual NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' were congregated---a grand total of FIVE in aall! < (EIGHT plus us!)
Glennn from Ashington wasn't there but we heard that he waz in the lower 'cheap seats' (£5) alang with hiz mate Byzee <(Paupers!)
(We heard that there were aalso 10 othaa Toon fans who had made the 'pilgrimage' az well, who were in 'the lower tier'!)
VIEW FROM EXECUTIVE AREA! <"WE'RE POSH YI NAA!"

The Toon started off the better of the 2 sides and we took the lead in the 18th minute @ 'The Cold Blow Lane End' when Callum Roberts waz fouled in the box and he got up to take the resultin' penalty, which he scored from! (To light applause from the Toon faithful assembled!) (see top pic)

Wor lead waz soon doubled 10 minutes later when Sean Longstaff fired home past the Millwaall keeper---and that's the way it stayed til the break!----A quick half time 'gargel' waz then consumed in the executive bar before retornin' for the 2nd period!

Callum Roberts nearly made it 3 just after the restart when hiz shot rebounded off the post---but then the game waz made safe when a handbaall by a Millwaall defender in the box gave us a 2nd penalty---which Ben Drennen successfully took!
BEN DRENNEN PENALTY *** 3-0 UP!

Millwaall pulled a goal back through a 3rd penalty of the game to make the score 3-1 a few minutes later! 

Extra time however looked a lang shot now and so it waz decided to leave @ '4:30 bells' to try and catch the train back to Islington and make the kick off for the forst teamers game against 'The Arse'!

We just missed the '4:45 train, but the next one waz 7 minutes later and we arrived @ the away tornstiles az the game waz aboot to kick off!----After a quick visit to 'the tool shed' <(coz aa waz 'burstin'!) aa entered the terrace where the clock told me that 2 minutes had been played <(thankfully we hadn't missed much of the game!)
**********************************************************************************

THE ARSE 4  THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE
('5:30pm bells') Emirates Stadium, Islington, London <(been here quite a few times before!)

"AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLEEETLEEE DIFFERENT!"

 ^JUST OWER AN HOUR LATER!^
 

Wor manager had just received the manager of the month award and this waz to prove 'the kiss of death' for us az we simply 'wornt at the races'!

A 4-1 defeat wasn't fair however! az the ref seemed completely biased towards the home side!
It didn't help that 'The Arse' were much the better of the 2 sides az well and they looked certain to score at some point soon!

They did in the 15th minute when Giroud heeded past 3rd choice Jak Alwick in The Toon goal (Krul and Elliot are still injured!)
Several Toon penalty claim were then torned doon by the ref who simply waved wor claims away!?

With the score at 1-0 at the break 'The Arse' went on aall oot attack and doubled their lead through Cazorla in the 54th minute when he lifted the baall ower Alnwick's heed!
Not lang after it waz 3-0 when Giroud again foond the back of wor net!---(game definatly ower!)

GOUFFRAN CORNER 2nd HALF
(View from 'The Cheap Seats'! * row 13, seat 641) <"BACK TO NORMAL!"

We pulled one back not lang after when Perez scored from a Colback free kick by heedin' past Szczesny <(hope av spelt that reet!?) in front of The 2,000 Toon fans!

'The Arse' restored their 3 goal lead when a penalty waz awarded and Cazorla lobbed the baall into the net!

We later foond oot that 'Glennn from Ashington' and 'Byzee' had stayed to the bitter end at Millwaall and had booked a taxi to take them to 'The Emirates' to make the kick off.
The taxi torned up 12 minutes late however and they missed the kick off by 6 minutes! <(they anly gave the taxi driver £20 instead of the £25 fare they had agreed beforehand and 'did a runner'!---The taxi driver waz NOT a 'happy bunny'!)
Everybody else who attended the 2 games had left Millwaall before the end and therefore NOT ONE Toon fan had seen both games in their entirety!

Toon team: Alnwick, Janmaat, Williamson, Coloccini, Dummett, Tiote, Colback, Gouffran, Perez (Armstrong 82), Sammy Ameobi (Cabella 86), Cisse (Riviere 56)

Attendance: 59,949 (2,000 Toon fans)

*
"WE WAZ THERE!"

Friday 12 December 2014

THE ARSE v THE TOON * plus! * MILLWAALL U18s v THE TOON U18s *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '4:59pm bells' Friday 12th December 2014
THE NEW DEN WITH THE 'OLD' DEN AT THE TOP LEFT OF PICTURE

Tomorrow afternoon 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are to 'attempt' to visit both The New Den AND The Emirates Stadium to watch The Toon's youngins and forst team respectively!

We are on the '9:30 bells' train to King's Cross in the mornin', which thankfully ISNT 'dry' this time, unlike wor last visit to 'the smoke' when we played at West Ham the othaa week!

Then it's a mad dash to 'South Bermondsey' station via 'London Bridge' to make the '3 bells' kick off @ The New Den in the FA Youth Cup! <(a groond we have never played at before!)
The plan iz to watch this game and hope that extra time doesn't come into play, az we will have to miss it to gan 'north of the Thames' to Arsenal, for wor forst team game which kicks off @ '5:30 bells' <(a groond we have been te a canny few times!)



We will probably miss the start of that game, but are willin' to take the chance to chalk anothaa groond off the never endin' list!

Az to how we will get between the two groonds iz anybodys guess!? (see 'London Calling' article below!)

Watch this space on Sunday to find oot how we 'got on'!?


Millwaall history lesson: We have never played them at any level @ The New Den, although of course the forst team have played @ The (old) Den before

'The Arse' history lesson:
NUFC have played Arsenal on THREE different home groonds in total!

Wor forst ever meetin' with them aalso happens to be both sides forst ever game in The Futbaall Leegue!
Woolwich Arsenal (az they were then known) played us 121 years ago on 2nd September 1893 @ The Manor Ground, Plumstead in an old 2nd Division game.
The game ended 2-2 in front of a 6,000 crowd. Wor goals were scored by Jock Sorley and Tom Crate.

Wor forst visit to Highbury occurred on 30th August 1919 when we ran oot 1-0 winners in front of a 40,000 crowd, thanx to a goal by James Henderson. This waz in the old 1st Division.

More recently we visited The Emirates Stadium for wor debut visit on 18th November 2006 when we drew 1-1 in the Premyaa Leegue with Keiron Dyer gettin' wor goal. The attendance waz 60,058

Archive 'Geordie Times' match reports can be foond in the right hand column (grounds 004 (Highbury) and 045 (The Den) 

"150,000 THANKYOOZ!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 12th December 2014
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

Anothaa 'Geordie Times' milestone haz been passed this mornin', for we have just receeeved wor 150,000th pageview on this site!--and by coincidence we have received 'hits' from 150 countries and territories aroond planet Orth az well! <(plus Mars of course!)

Country by country 'milestones' have aalso been passed recently az well! (highlighted below)

The top ten table iz az follows:

UK: 70,571 (England, Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales)
USA: 25,594
Ukraine: 11,349
Jawmany: 10,160
"Mee old" China: 3,893
Rushaa: 2,698
"Lost in" France: 1,260
The Israelites: 1,184
The Guinness Republic: 1,125
Torkey: 1,051

Once again we thank each and everyone of yoo from Marrakesh to Mars for loggin' into this NUFC fan blog!   
A LOYAL GEORDIE TIMES REEDER CLIMBS UP THE
EMPIRE STATE BUILDING IN NEW YORK
TO CELEBRATE WOR 150,000th HIT!

Thursday 11 December 2014

LONDON CALLING!

Posted '12:52pm bells' Thorsday 11th December 2014

This comin' Saturday 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' face the dauntin' task of tryin' to de TWO groonds between '3 bells' and '5:30 bells' in 'sarf' and 'norf Landan' respectivleee!

Wor youth team play Millwaall @ 'The New Den @ '3 bells' in the FA Youth Cup and then the forst team play 'The Arse' @ The Emirates Stadium just two and a half hours later in a Premyaa Leegue fixture!
The New Den iz of course a 'new groond' for us and iz a 'must gan game'!--Sadly, Millwaall  FC were very unhelpful and refused to change the kick off time to accommodate NUFC and 'The mad-sad groundhoppers'

We have THREE contingency plans to 'de' the two games!


Plan 'A'
'Dave from York' and hiz sidekick 'Alex of St George' (amongst others!) are gannin on a 'reconnaissance mission' and are heedin' for 'The Emirates' in the orly mornin' and backtrackin' by tube and train and shank's pony to the nearest rail station to Millwaall's groond, to see just how lang it takes!
And then devise a plan to get us from there to 'The Arse' withoot missin' tooo much of that game!--It won't be easy---but we wont be beaten!

'Biffa the Beer' <(no! this isn't a misprint--he likes a pint or 10!) iz contenplatin' gettin' between the two games by motorcycle courier az a pillion passenger, az of course a bike can weave in and oot of traffic on the congested London streets!

This haz given ME a 'brainwave' <(or shud that be 'brain-warp'?) and two great ideas to get the dozen or so 'mad-sad groundhoppers' across London, who aalso want to 'de' the two games!

Plan 'B'!
PLAN 'B'***'THE NUFC MAD -SAD GROUNDHOPPERS' PASS BIG BEN
AND THE HOOSES OF PARLIAMENT ON THEIR WAY FROM
MILLWAALL TO 'THE ARSE'!
(BUT CAN YOO SPOT SOMMIK AMISS?)
(AALL WILL BE REVEALED IN GOOD TIME!)

Plan 'C'

PLAN 'C' *** FORM A 'HELLS ANGELS GANG'
AND TERRORISE  MOTORISTS TO LET US PASS!
 

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