Sunday, 28 February 2021

FEAST OR FAMINE!?

 Posted '5:03pm bells' Sunday 28th February 2021

LET'S HOPE FAT SAM DOESN'T RUIN BRUCEY'S SUNDAY DINNAA NEXT WEEK!

WE fully expected that 'in form' Fulim would beat Palace today, but a borin' 0-0 draw woz the outcome (couldn't bear to watch!), meanin' that wor 1-1 draw v Wolves yesterday wasn't that bad after aall! (still a 3 point gap!)

Of course, injuries to key players like Almiron and Saint Max divvint help wor cause, but we must 'plod on' and hope to pick up at least 9 points before the season's end,to stave off the threat of relegation!

Steve 'I'm in denial' Bruce haz said that 6 or 7 teams are in the relegation mix, and for once he is REET!

From bottom upwards there are Sheff U, WBA, Fulim, NUFC, Brightin, Bornley and Soothampton, <who are in 'freefall' with 6 defeats and 1 draw oot of the last 7 played! (They actually went 'top', when they beat us at their place in November!)

Bornley's 4-0 defeat at Sporz today iz another plus point, but at the end of the day we must win some games against relegation opposition in the comin' weeks (WBA, Brightin and Bornley), before we play some of the 'big hitters' in succesive games in April and May. (Liverpoool, The Arse, Lestaa and Man City!)

Fat Sam's West Brom are next up at The Hawthorns a week today at 'high noon bells', so lets hope and pray that he doesn't ruin Brucey's (and wor!) Sunday dinnaazz!  

Saturday, 27 February 2021

THE TOON v WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ *** TOONEET AT '8:00 BELLS'

 Posted from '7:00pm bells' onwards, Saturday 27th February 2021



"IT'S THE ACCUMULATION OF POINTS, WE HAVE TO GET OVER THE LINE!"  (Guess who said this orlier today in hiz press conference?) 🤡🌻🌻🌻

Anothaa must win, must win, game---coz if we divvint and Fulim win at Palace tomorrow NUFC cud drop into the bottom 3!

Desperate times at NE1 !

Incidents and any goals az they happen will be online below ASAP

PS: Just been to Aldi for some 'Dog' (Newcasil Broon Ale) for the pre match 'gargels' in mee dinin' room! 6 bottles for £8.34! (£24 in Strawberry next to SJP!)

"HOWAY THE LADS!"(hic!)


And just when yoo fink that this 'Comedy Club' couldn't get any crazier!🤡

The lunatics are runnin' the NUFC asylum!

THE FLOODLIGHTS ARE ON! (PHOTO TAKEN FROM GEORDIE TIMES HQ @ '7:45 BELLS')


*SPOT THE DAFFODILS!



*11th minute   Almiron hits the post at The Leazes End



25th minute  Saint Max scores but goal is disallowed!

HT 0-0  possession 55%  shots on target 4

Better performance and more fight than of late!


*GOAL! LASCELLES HEEDER! 53RD MINUTE 1-0 UP!

Oh no Saint Max injured 60th minute!


goal to wolves 72nd minute Nevis!

FT 1-1  loads more injuries, it feels that fate is against us!


Friday, 26 February 2021

GAMBLERS *AUTONIMOUS!

 Posted '00:50am bells' (onwards!) Friday 26th February 2021

A NEW BANNER HAZ APPEARED ON BARRACK ROAD LATE LAST NEET FROM 'WOR FLAGS'!

*'Autonimous' meaning: A person or entity that is self controlling and not governed by outside forces!

In the Friday news conference, Steve 'I'm in denial' Bruce said that it woz doon to the players and NOT him for this terrible run of results!

ie: "Don't blame me!"

        🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻 🌻

We have won just 2 games oot of the last 16 and wor game v Wolves tomorrow takes on new pressure, az defeat and a Fulim win on Sunday at Palace, will plunge us into the relegation zone!

Lets hope and pray that this isn't the case and that we can somehow beat wor opponents from the west Midlands, az we watch on from wor livin' rooms and bedrooms! (And a Palace win of course!)

ONE shot on target in the 95th minute from a Jacob Murphy free kick (above), woz wor anly shot of the game at Wolves in the 1-1 draw and we had nee shots at aall from open play!

A MESSAGE OF HOPE!?


Like we say!---it's SO frustratin' not to be in the groond and end up shoutin' at wor tellys and laptops az we watch on!
If anly we could be there to cheer the team on and support them in this difficult time!
Nee doubt that Bruce would get loads of stick az well, if fans were allowed back in!
Tomorrow's game will be the 41st game in a row that we have missed---and very nearly a year haz passed since we last attended a game at SJP!
(29th February 2020 v Bornley in a nil-nil draw! (Wot else!)



BLOODY HELL! IT'S AALL WOR FAULT OF COURSE, EVEN THOUGH WE HAVVINT BEEN ALLOWED INTO THE GROONDS FOR AALMOST A YEAR!

Updated '10:00pm bells' Friday
Latest news: Goalie Karl Darlow finds oot he haz been dropped  for the Wolves game in a newspaper on Thorsday!
Academy director Joe Joyce iz stood doon after his wife complained aboot the treatment of their son while he played for NUFC U18s!



Thursday, 25 February 2021

MORE TELLY TIMES!

 Posted '10:43am bells' Thorsday 25th February 2021



The telly, phone and laptop times for 'Mad March' have been released!

This iz the month that will decide wor destiny!

Conformed upcomin fixtures

Saturday 27th February,  Wolverhampton Wanabeez, SJP, '8:00 bells' (On Sky and dodgy channels!)

Sunday 7th March,  The Baggie Troosers of WBA, away, 'high noon bells' (On Prime and dodgy channels!)

Friday 12th March, The Hazbeenz & Villans, SJP, '8:00 bells' (On BT and dodgy channels!)

Saturday 20th March, Nee Where Near Brightin, away, '8:00 bells' (On Sky and dodgy channels!)

A preview of wor 'must (must!) win game' v Wolves on Saturday neet, will  appear here sometime tomorrow!

Az usual The Geordie Times will be laptophopping again!



Wednesday, 24 February 2021

Tuesday, 23 February 2021

WE NEED POINTS NOT POSITIVES!

 Posted '2:05am bells' Munday 22nd February 2021



POSITIVELY POINTLESS!

NUFC fans are so desperate to avoid relegation that fans have taken to Twitter, ecstatic that Palace beat Brightin last neet to keep them within a points distance of us!

How sad that we have come to wishin that mediocre teams lose, to try and save wor bacon (Er!-that should read 'Bruce's bacon'!)

We can anly save worsels at the end of the day by gettin' points on board---and NOT 'positives' from wor manager, when we lose! 

And then utter 'drivel' aboot six or seven teams lookin over their shoulders towards the bottom 3!

Deed simple!---we need to beat Wolves on Saturday and please Steve, no 'positives' if we divvint!

Sunday, 21 February 2021

MOAN U V THE TOON *** TOONEET at '7:00 bells'!

 Posted from '6:00pm bells' onwards, Sunday 22nd February 2021

Toon to play in aall yellow!?

Many Toon fans are expecting us to get slaughtered tooneet at 'The Theatre of Muppets'!

However, Moan U's home record iz nowhere near az good az their away record and even relegation certainties Sheff U won there the othaa week! (They have drawn or lost 7 times from 12 home games!)

🙏

We fully expect a defensive rear guard to try and repel their attack, but if they do score, then Bruce doesn't have a 'plan B' to fight back!

Between them this season in leegue games, wor 3 remaining fit strikers have scored a paltry 3 goals between them, so any fight back would be a futile affair! (It seems!?)

We shall soon find oot and 'The Geordie Times' will bring yoo live updates of any goals and incidents az the game progresses on wor laptop!




*Halfway through the 1st half   NUFC 1 SHOT ON TARGET  (Joelinton) 30% POSSESSION

0-0

*25th minute   Almiron shot on target

*goal  29th minute  Rashford  1-0 doon!

34th minute  Saint Max shot on target




*35th minute GOAL! SAINT MAX VOLLEY 1-1! (above)

*HT 1-1  Much better performance from The Toon! 4 shots on target (inc goal) 27% possession


*49th minute  Saint Max shot on target

*goal 56th minute  James shot 2-1 doon!

*67th minute   Frazer shot on target

*73rd minute  goal Fernandez pen 3-1 doon

FT LOST 3-1


It's just a pity that the game didn't end after 60 minutes, as Bruce said we matched them up until this point! 


                                The clue is in the letters!




Saturday, 20 February 2021

BOTTOMS UP---OR DOON, AZ THE CASE MAYBE!

 Posted '5:17pm bells' Saturday 20th February 2021

Updated '10:01pm bells' 

SOMEWHERE NEAR ST. JAMES' PARK!

Most results on Friday and orlier today have not gone to plan with Wolves pickin up 3 points last neet to move 7 points clear of us and Sooothampton gettin a 1-1 draw v Chelski in the dinnaatime kick off, to gan 5 points clear!

However Bornley drew 0-0 with Fat Sam's X1 and so both drop 2 points----probably the best result for us! (Bornley 3 points aheed of us on 28 now!)

And next up tooneet of course, iz the 'killer game', when Fulim take on Sheff U at '7:00 bells'----an away win iz needed or else we are in the S*IT!

Nervous update here when that game ends! (won't be watchin'!)

Fulim won 1-0 and are now just 3 points behind us!

Steve "I'm in denial" Bruce, haz said that NUFC, "Are half way up the bottom half!" (of the Premyaa Leegue table!) 

We're not mathematical genius's by any stretch of the imagination, but if yoo are halfway between the last 10 places (11th and 20th), then 15th iz halfway!

Az NUFC are currently 17th, we are in fact in the bottom half of the bottom half and NOT halfway up the bottom half!

The bottom line iz (sic!) we are in deep, deep trouble and hiz latest quote of, "Lets see where we are at the end of the season!", doesn't actually fill yoo with a great deal of confidence ----does it!?

And what does this mean? "It's the accumulation of points at the end of the season and that will never change!" ---"You've got to set yourself your own points target to reach!", withoot sayin' what wor 'accumulation' points 'target' iz, exactly???

Some years ago when Ossie Ardiles woz wor manager, we were rooted to the bottom of Division 2 (now The Championship). When asked by the 'then owners' if he could save us from relegation to the 3rd tier of English futbaall, he replied, "I don't know?", and shrugged hiz shoulders!----He woz sacked not lang after those comments and replaced by 'Special K'!

In other words, Bruce's comments means the same thing---that if we do finish in the bottom 3, then that's what we must accept!

PS: We naa that a tiny minority of NUFC fans 'fink' that we are tooo critical of wor manager and absent owner, (Hi Dave!), but the reality iz that we are slowly sleepwalkin' to disaster!---Aye, we've got injuries to key players, (Wilson, Schar, Manquillo etc) but surely Bruce and the NUFC hierarchy should have foreseen that this might happen in this shortened season and bought cover, just in case!----but of course we didn't and so we divvint have a recognised goalscorer to replace the injured Callum Wilson, for example!  

We now have to rely on Joelinton, 1 goal this season from 19 games, Carroll, 1 goal this season from 14 games, Gayle, 1 goal this season from 8 games = 3 goals between the 3 strikers in the Premyaa Leegue this season! 

Moan Utd are up next, tomorrow evenin' and we fully expect that we will try and 'park the Sherman tank' to try and get a nil-nil draw!

 A shocking stat!

A live 'Geordie Times' 'Laptophoppers' match report will be forthcomin' az the game progresses tomorrow at '7:00 bells'! 

Friday, 19 February 2021

WHERE THERE'S THE CENTRE FOR LIFE, THERE'S HOPE!!

 Posted '12:49pm bells' Friday 19th February 2021

"I'M IMMUNE!, I'M INVINCIBLE!, I FEEL LIKE IRON MAN!"
(See bottom of post!)
 
Today, 3 hours ago, 'yours truly' had mee forst Covid vaccine jab at 'The Centre for Life' in Newcasil city centre! (next to 'The Central' (station)
There were nee queues and aa woz in and oot in minutes! (Er!--A'm givin' mee age away, now!)

Hopefully we aall will be vaccinated before the start of next season and will be able to retorn to SJP and away groonds by then!

Rumour has it that 'vaccine passports' will allow those who have had the vaccine to retorn to the boozers, which have been shut since the beginning of November!

I can't wait to get back to live futbaall, (and 'live' drinkin'!) whatever division (or boozer!) we find worsels in next season!

Let's hope it's still trips to Liverpoool, Manchester and Arsenal and not Lincoln, Peterboro and Millwaall!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)



Thursday, 18 February 2021

MIND GAMES!

 Posted 3:00pm bells' Thorsday 18th February 2021

EX TOON PLAYER AND FULIM MANAGER PLAYS MIND GAMES WITH BRUCE!

BAD NEWS! WE WILL BE FORCED TO WATCH ON TIL THE SEASON ENDS!

Seriously, wor futbaall is horrible to watch, especially away from home--and who will score the goals to keep us up?

ARNT YOO PLEASED THAT NUFC WONT BE IN THE FINAL AZ ONLY LOCALS FROM TURKEY WILL BE ALLOWED IN!

Wednesday, 17 February 2021

SENSATIONAL SIGNING SEALED!

 Posted '11:00am bells Wedinzday 17th February 2021


The Geordie Times can excluuusivley reveal that under fire manager Steve Bruce haz made a last minute signing to boost wor attack! She hails from the Buck Hoose area of London town!


Bornley drawing 1-1 with Fulim tooneet iz the best result we could hope for az both drop 2 points!

Haz it really come to this! Praying that Fulim don't win at Bornley!?



Tuesday, 16 February 2021

CHELSKI 2 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 16th February 2021

"THE BIG SLEEP!"

The game at Stamford Bridge last neet seemed like a trainin session to the Toon players and predicably the hosts were in complete control!

2-0 doon at half time, when it shud have been 4 or 5, tells it's own sorry tale of wor season so far!

Aye, we played a bit better in the 2nd period, but Chelski had took the foot off the gas by then, az they realised that there woz nee way back for NUFC and the 3 points were secure!

Wor manager smiled in the post match interview and even said that, "We were excellent in the 2nd half!" (????) Totally oblivious to the predicament we find worsels in!  He aalso bizarrly said that, "The players were enjoying it!" (WOT! enjoyin' gettin' beat again!??)

The reality is that we are sleepwalkin towards the cliff edge, az Fulim edge closer and close to us and away from it!!!!



The players az well, dont seem to realise that a cliff edge fall izn't far away! "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"

Footnote:

In July Bruce said this:

"Our aim is for a top 10 finish!"

In January Bruce said this:

"We are NOT in a relegation battle!"

And yesterday he said this:

In other words, we ARE in a relegation battle!

Wot the papers say!





Monday, 15 February 2021

CHELSKI v THE TOON *** TOONEET AT '8:00 BELLS'

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 15th February 2021

THE LAST TIME WE WERE THERE ---A 1-0 DEFEAT IN OCTOBER 2019
(VIEW FROM THE AWAY END AT STAMFORD BRIDGE)
IN THE DAYS WHEN WE COULD ACTUALLY GAN TO A MATCH!

NUFC gan into tooneets game points just 7 above the relegation places, after Fulim's unexpected win at Evaatin last neet--- and if past visits to this part of west London are to gan by, then we will be very grateful indeed to come away with a precious point!

We have lost here 7 times in a row in the Leegue and have won just once in 25 attempts durin the Premyaa Leegue era!---NOT a happy huntin groond for sure!

With injuries aplenty, we will send oot a patched up squad and 'hope for the best'!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Tuesday!---Az per usual watch this space!

Sunday, 14 February 2021

HAPPY VALENTINE'S BORTHDAY KING KEV!

 Posted '12:30pm bells' Valentine's Day 2021



Today the greatest manager in my lifetime az a Toon fan iz 70 years young!

He earned us the title 'The Entertainers' for wor swashbuckling futbaall in the 1990s and will forever be in wor hearts!

A VERY HAPPY 70th BORTHDAY KING KEV!



PS: Today would aalso have been the 70th borthday of NUFCs greatest ever fan and a good friend of mine, John Alder, known as 'The Undertaker', who woz tragically killed alang with Liam Sweeney in the MH17 aircraft which woz shot doon in July 2014, on their way to New Zealand to watch us in pre season friendlies!

'The Undertaker' had been to 1,684 NUFC competitive games in a row--a record which surely will never ever be beaten!

PPS: My own personal record is 1,201 consecutive games, until Covid struck!🦇

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper)

Saturday, 13 February 2021

IT'S SNOW JOKE!

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Saturday 13th February 2021


We're not sayin its cold on Tyneside today, but even the abominable snowman has got a winter coat on! 👻

⚽️ ⚽️ ⚽️ ⚽️ ⚽️ ⚽️ ⚽️ ⚽️ ⚽️

Meeenwhile, lookin at the results comin through this afternoon on the telly, NUFC are doon to 17th place in the Leegue table! (WE play away at Chelski on Munday neet, in case yoo didn't naa!)

Friday, 12 February 2021

WE DIVVINT NAA JUST WOT TO BELEEEVE ANYMORE!?

 Posted '4:44pm bells' Friday 12th February 2021


"TOON FANS TARRED WITH THE SAME BRUSH!"

More depressin' news that wor manager has received hate mail and alleged death threats, via hiz son's Twitter account, reaches us!

If it's TRUE? that anonymous trolls (not fans) hope that he gets Covid, then it's an absolute disgrace!


Aalso,  if they are anonymous, then 'some' could be rival fans, pretending to be Toon fans and sending them to discredit us!?

Az yoo know, 'The Geordie Times' doesn't  like Bruce's futbaall and never wanted him az manager, but we will never stoop so low az to wish ill of him!

Az for 'US', 'we are sittin on the fence' as we just divvint naa wot to beleeeve anymore??? (Whether the stories are true--or not!) 

The tabloids yet again have tarred us aall with the same brush, when genuine Toon fans would never send hate mail like this!

With seemingly half wor team crocked az well, it has been yet another bad week for certain!

And from social media!









PS: Just had a look at the clubs official website!
There iz nee mention whatsoever aboot the death threat claims?
nufc.co.uk 






Thursday, 11 February 2021

OH NO! CALLUM WILSON CROCKED!

 Posted 10:50am bells' Thorsday 11th February 2021 

Geordie Times breakin' news that we didn't want to bring yoo! Top goalscorer oot for 6 to 8 weeks!

Fabian Schar and Javier Manquillo both face lang absences az well, in the aftermath of the Sooothamton victory on Saturday!
Have we got nee luck???

Tuesday, 9 February 2021

A SIGN OF THE TIMES!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Tuesday 9th February 2021


The Highways Agency have been busy erecting new signposts with directions to futbaall groonds in the north east!🤪👍

Latest futbaall results:


Premyaa Leegue

The Toon 3  

Sooothampton 2


Leegue One

TheMighty Shrewsbury 2

sund'lind 1




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