MORE LIVE TELLY GAMES! *** "HIGH NOON SHOOTOUTS AND AALL THAT!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 31st July 2015

3 more of wor games have been picked for live telly in October and November!

Wor home game against 'Delia's 'Canary Custard Creams' haz been switched to Sunday 18th October @ '4 bells' (SKY) <(we DIDN'T predict this!)

The derby game away to the SMBs @ The SOS iz now @ 'high noon bells' Sunday 25th October (SKY) <(we DID predict this!)

And finally! ---and just to make it easy for us to get to?, wor 730 mile trek to Bournemoooth and back haz been moved to '12:45 bells' on Saturday 7th November (BT) <(we THOUGHT this might be changed--but at least it isn't on a Munday neet!)
This meeenz however, that we must travel doon on the Friday and stay owerneet! <(the 'joys' of live futbaall!)

FIXTURES BELOW

NUFC PREMYAA LEEGUE & CUP FIXTURES ***** 2015-2016

Updated '12:47 pm bells Friday 31st July 2015

The Premyaa Leegue fixtures have been released and wor forst game will be at home to Sooothampton---BUT!--it haz be changed from Saturday to Sunday az they are in Europa Leegue action 2 days before we are due to play them!
We then face a 'continental trip' to Swanzee in sooth Wales a week later and then to 'The Theatre of Muppets' when we will play 'The Cockney Reds' a week after that!--We then finish off August with an 'eazy'? home game against 'The Arse'!

We face the SMBs away in October and at home in March,
we will visit Bournmoooth in November for a Saturday '12:45 bells' kick off <( nice that they are thinkin' aboot the travellin' fans for once?)while they must travel to wor place in March next year!
Amazingly  every game this year waz originally on a Saturday <(SKY, BT and clubs in Europe have ensured that this iz NOT now the case!) until the last game in 2015 when we are away to The Baggie Troosers of West Brom on a Munday
'The Geordie Times' predicts that at least 25 of wor 38 fixtures will be moved

We roond off the season with anothaa home fixture against Sporz in May---the anly game that cannit be changed!

Games moved so far for Europe and live telly--- 8 oot of 14


(Aall games listed are '3 bells' kick offs unless stated!)
Key: Home games in gold (SJP) St James' Park---
Away games in pink 

August:
Sun 9th: Sooothampton @ SJP @ 1:30 bells
Sat 15th: Swanzee away
Sat 22nd Manc Muppets away @12:45 bells, live on BT
W/C Mon 24th Aug: Leegue Cup 2nd roond 
Sat 29th The Arse @ SJP @12:45 bells, live on BT

September:
Mon 14th: The Jellied Eels Mob away @ 8:00 bells, live on SKY 
Sat 19th: Wotfad @ SJP
Sat 26th: Chelski @ SJP @ 5:30 bells, live on SKY

October:
Sat 3rd: Manc Blue Moonies away
Sun 18th: The Canary Custards @ SJP @ 4:00 bells (SKY)
Sun 25th: SMBs away @ 'high noon bells' (SKY) 
Sat 31st: The P*ss Potters @ SJP

November:
Sat 7th: Bournemoooth away @ 12:45 bells (BT)
Sat 21st: The Basil Brush Brigade @ SJP
Sat 28th: The Crystal Balls away

Live games for December will be picked on or before September 17th (Alledgedleeee!) 

December:
Sat 5th: The Liverbirds @ SJP
Sat 12th: Sporz away < (WILL be changed az Sporz play in Europe 2 days before!)
Sat 19th: The Hazbeenz and Villians @ SJP
Sat 26th: The Toffee Noses @ SJP
Mon 28th: The Baggie Troosers away

Live games for January will be picked on or before October 19th

January 2016:
Sat 2nd: The Arse away
W/E Sat 9th: FA Cup 3rd roond
Wed 13th : The Manc Muppets @ SJP (7:45 bells)
Sat 16th: The Jellied Eels Mob @ SJP
Sat 23rd: Wotfad away

Live games for February will be picked on or before November 17th

February:
Wed 3rd: The Toffee Noses away (7:45 bells)
Sat 6th: The Baggie Troosers @ SJP
Sat 13th: Chelski away
Sat 27th: Manc Blue Moonies @ SJP

Live games for March will be picked on or before January 5th

March:
Wed 2nd: The P*ss Potters @ SJP (7:45 bells)
Sat 5th: Bournemoooth @ SJP
Sat 12th: The Basil Brush Brigade away
Sat 19th: The SMBs @ SJP

Live games for April will be picked on or before February 3rd

April:
Sat 2nd: The Canary Custards away
Sat 9th: Sooothampton away
Sat 16th: Swanzee @ SJP
Sat 23rd: The Liverbirds away
Sat 30th: The Crystal Balls @ SJP

Live games for May will be picked on or before March 23rd

May:
Sat 7th: The Hazbeenz and Villians away
Sun 15th: Sporz @ SJP <(CAN'T be moved)



Most of the above fixtures WILL be changed when the ravages of telly coverage and postponed games, due to othaaz playin' in Europe, are annoonced

PS: 'The Geordie Times' doesn't want to be 'done' for copyright, so yi'll have to work oot for yorsels the above teams which are in 'Geordie Cryptic Code'!

"JUST WOT THE DOCTOR ORDERED!"

Posted '10:10am bells' Friday 31st July 2015

Chancel Mbemba becomes the 3rd player to sign for us durin' the transfor window!  The 20 year old DR Congo international defender haz signed a f5 year deal for a reported fee of between 7 and 8 million quid!
This brings wor war chest 'spend' to 34 or 35 million quid so far!

105 (revisited) bootham crescent, york ************* THE KIT KAT CRESCENT CLAN 2 THE TOON 1 *** PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 30th July 2015


(Ground number 105 revisited)
Date of this visit: 29th July 2015
Bootham Crescent, York

York City 2
Newcastle United X1  1 (Perez)

Friendly fixture
Attendance 5,406 (2,048 Toon fans) <(plus 4 people watchin' from their bedroom windows beyond!)


"Definatly NOT the ticket!"



"Serves the bustard reet, for havin' a mackem coloured car!" ^^^

The short trip to NorthYorkshire ended in defeat against fourth tier York City <(aalso known by the above headin'---see article below!) when The Toon put oot a virtually entirely different team to the one who played @ Sheff U last Sunday!

Three of us includin' 'me' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' travelled doon in 'Michael the Mag's' 'jam jar' and tried to find a parkin' space near the groond, but most of the streets were 'permit holders only'!
We foond one street that we thought was 'permit free' and decided to park there!---BUT hang on a minute!---there waz a bright red Mini 'parked up' and it had SIX! parkin' tickets stuck to the windscreen!---Time to find anothaa parkin' space, sharpish!---and we DID, not far away on the main road next to a church---checkin' of course to make sure it waz 'a permit free zone'!

It waz then off to the boozer at the top of the street for the customary pre- match 'gargels', before heedin' for a rain sodden Bootham Crescent and the OPEN away end!

"Sanctuary!"

Enterin' the groond waz like gannin' back to 'the dark ages' of 'The Gallowgate End terraces' and the 'tool sheds' were the same az 'The Gallowgate's' back in the 1970's!

The match kicked off and at the same time the rain started to get a bit more persistent <(ie: it waz P*SSIN' DOON!)
It waz aall 'The Toon' at forst, az we bombarded the far end for the forst goal of the game, with new boy Mitrovic gettin' hiz forst outing in a black n white shirt and missin' several chaces! 
Perez aalso went close orly on, but we couldn't make the breakthrough !
However!---- and in their forst attack of the half, the home side took the lead through Straker in the 16th minute after a disastrous mix up in wor defence by *new boy? Jamaal Lascelles, to send the home fans into 'wonderland' az he looped the baall ower Karl Darlow in The Toon goal! (*Lacelles waz on loan to Forest aall last season)


1st half action az The Toon attack the far goal
(4 people in the houses beyond are watchin' from their bedroom windows!)


It got worse of course just a few minutes later, az the torrential rain got heavier, when  'TRIALIST 'A' <(I kid yoo not!) fired a volley from the edge of the box past Darlow, to double York's lead and compound wor misery, az the rain started to soak through mee expensive 'waaterproof jacket'???
This resulted in quite a few Toon fans heedin' for the exits and an orlier than expected MID-match 'gargel'!

Thankfully the rain (and York goals!) eased off and we ended the half 2-0 doon!

We again came oot with 'aall guns blazin' in the 2nd half and finally got the breakthrough in the 75th when Perez tapped in from an Abeid corner kick, to send half the crowd of 5,000 plus into raptures <(whey!---muted cheers and light applause anyway!)


2nd half action in front of The Toon fans


That's the way it ended I'm afraid and York who had lost 2-0 to HARROGATE TOWN! just a few days orlier, now had a 'Premier Leegue scalp' to add to their 'mixed' pre-season results!

PS: The Toon DID win something however!---We managed to kick the baall oot of the groond THREE times, compared to York's TWO!

Lets hope this isn't an omen!

Toon team: Darlow (Elliot 46), Bigiramana, Satka, Lascelles, Ferguson, Abeid, Gouffran, Aarons (Kemen 58), De Jong, Perez, Mitrovic (Suddick 70) (Scroll doon page to compare this team to the one who play @ Sheff U)

Attendance: 5,406 (nearly half were from The Toon)  <(plus 4 'freebeez' watchin' from their bedroom windows!)  *

A view to die for!

 

Fascinatin' Footnotes:
Just ower the road from the groond iz St Peters School,
where, (believe it or not!) Guy Fawkes went to before
he attempted to burn the Houses of Parliament doon!

 

Bootham Crescent/Kit Kat Crescent:

Originally it waz called 'Bootham Crescent' and then

some idiot from the local chocolate factory, who were

the clubs sponsors at the time, decided to rename the

 groond KIT KAT CRESCENT! after the famous

chocolate wafer bar! (hence the above headin' for wor

opponents!

At the time aa thought it waz 'a wind up', az surely that

couldn't be the groonds new name---but!---

"OH YES IT WAZ!"

Apart from a certain club caallin' their new groond after

Benfica's famous 'Stadium of Light' <(yi'll never

guess who?) this surely iz the most ridiculous name given

to a futbaall groond---EVER!

Thankfully York have since seen sense and changed the

name back to 'Bootham Crescent', a groond aa forst

visited to watch The Toon back in 1992, when we

WON 3-1 <(horray!) with wor goals comin' from

Kevin Sheedy, Gavin Peacock and Franz Carr!   

THE KIT KAT CRESCENT CLAN v THE TOON **** TOMORROW NEET IN YORK!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 28th July 2015

Tomorrow neet we heed for the delights of York for wor penultimate <("We naa aall the big words!") pre-season friendly @ the 're-renamed' groond of York City.
Originally it waz called Bootham Crescent and then some idiot from the local chocolate factory, who were the club's sponsors at the time ,decided to rename the groond Kit Kat Crescent after the famous chocolate wafer bar! (hence the above headin' for wor opponents!)
At the time aa thought it waz 'a wind up', az surely that couldn't be the groonds new name---but "OH YES IT WAZ!!!"

Apart from a certain club caallin' their groond after Benfica's 'Stadium of Light', <(yi'll never guess who?) this surely iz the most ridiculous name for a futbaall groond---EVER!

Thankfully, York have seen sense and changed the name back to Bootham Crescent, a groond 'The Geordie Times' forst visited to watch The Toon in 1992 when we won 3-1 with goals from Kevin Sheedy, Gavin Peacock and Franz Carr.

A full 'Geordie Times' match report and pix will appear here, sometime on Thorsday!---have a break <(sic!) and watch this space az per usual!

THE BLADE RUNNERS 2 THE TOON 2 *** PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY 2015-2016 (Chris Morgan testimonial)

Posted '9:35am bells' Munday 27th July 2015

1st half action az The Toon attack 'The Kop End'
(We are in the dark strip)

Pre-season friendlies are notoriously bad to judge just wot will happen when the real action starts, but we cannit help feel that after yet another lack-lustre display yesterday dinnaatime in rainy Sheffield against 3rd tier opposition, that it will another hard season aheed!

We hit the bar orly on through Cisse, but then after this iz waz aall Sheff U az they had several chances to take the lead with a number of glarin' misses in front of the 3,000 Toon fans packed behind that goal!

However!---it waz 'us' who took the lead in the 40th minute when new boy Ginio Wijnaldum fired in a re-bound from 20 yards oot to give us an undeserved lead!

Sheff U soon levelled things orly in the 2nd half when McNulty had the easy task of beatin' Krul in The Toon goal after he was put clean through!

2nd half action in front of The Toon fans

De Jong restored wor lead with 10 mins to gan when he flicked the baall into the net from a corner by Colback to send 'the faithful' wild with delight behind the goal!

Again, the home side came back az the rain bleached doon from the grey skies, when Freeman vollied an unstoppable shot past Krul with barly 2 mins left on the clock!---and that's the way it ended!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Steve Taylor (Lascelles 69), Haidera, Anita (Obertan 59), Colback (Gouffran 88), Sissoko (Abeid 79), Wijnaldum (De Jong 73), Perez (Aarons 46), Cisse (Armstrong 79)

Attendance: 12,002 ?   (3,000 Toon fans) ^^^^^^^^^^

"12,002 ---yi havin' a laff!"

The pre-match 'gargels' took place here!

THE BLADE RUNNERS v THE TOON *** PRE-SEASON FRIENDLY FIXTURE 2015-2016

Posted '12:46pm bells' Saturday 25th July 2015

Tomorrow dinnaatime we make the 120 mile trip doon the A1/M1 for a testimonial game against Sheff U at Bramall Lane for 'one' Chris Morgan?

Originally this game waz aall ticket BUT Sheff U have now put on pay gates @ the visitors end ---priced @ £15 for big kids and just a fiver for sprogs and zimmerframeites 

Runoots for £27 million new boys Ginio Wijnaldum (£14 mill) and Alek Mitrovic (£13 mill) are expected!

In an interview Mitrovic was asked if he waz lookin' forward to the derby match against sund'lind, to which he genuinely replied:
"WHO'S sund'lind???"  <(A Toon 'legend' aalready!)

We will be travellin' doon in *Big Al's 'jam jar' (*NOT the sheet metal workers son!) for the '1:00 bells' kick off and a full match report will appear here sometime on Munday!

The forst time we visited Bramall Lane waz some 43 years ago and we make ne apologeeez for diggin' up the 'classic' archive match report from that game, yet again!--- which iz printed below.
Ground number 22 --- "April Fool---The Judge is a Geordie!"

JONG UTRECHT 1 THE TOON RESORVES 2 *** TOUR OF HOLLAND 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th July 2015

The second of the 'second strings' 'tour of Holland' took place last neet and we won 2-1 against Utrecht's feeder club' in the town of Rheden
Dutch trialist Dani Koks got both wor goals in the 2nd half and sole Toon groundhopper 'Glennn from Ashington' waz there to chalk off anothaa groond on the never endin' 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' list!

Glennn retorns to the UK for Sunday's forst team friendly against Sheff U @ Bramall Lane and will MISS the last 2 games on the Holland tour az they clash with the Sheff U and York games!

"YI cant be in 2 places at the same time" iz the old 'Geordie Times' adage!  

VITESSE ARNHEM RESORVES 4 THE TOON RESORVES 3 **** HOLLAND TOUR 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 23rd July 2015

EXTREEEMLEEE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPIN' NEWS!

Just like the forst team in America on Wednesday mornin', The Toon U21s lost 4-3 to Vitesse Arnhem resorves in the Dutch town of Driel a few hours orlier!

The goalscorers for The Toon were Dan Barlaser ,Liam Smith and Dani Koks and 'Glennn from Ashington' waz the one and anly 'NUFC mad-sad groundhopper' there to witness it!

Toneet Glennn iz off to Rheden where we are takin' on Utrecht's second string!---He retorns home by BUS late toneet via Calais and hopes to be back for the Sheff U forst team game on Sunday <(hope he doesn't get held up by the asylum seekers or French strikers who have blockaded the port!)

PORTLAND TIMBERS 2 <(RESORVES!) 4 THE TOON 3 ***** 'WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR ' 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 22nd July 2015

"TOON GET CHOPPED DOON IN TIMBERLAND!"

Yet anothaa inepet display!----this time against a THORD division American RESORVE side in the State of Oregon on a plastic pitch!

Some of wor players didn't 'fancy that' and a makeshift team waz sent oot instead to avoid any unnecessary injuries' <(so why? OH WHY? did we agree to play on 'drastic plastic'???) 

WE went aheed through new boy Ginio Wijnaldum fired in a centre from Rolando Aarons in the 7th minute---but this iz az good az it got az Timbers Resorves started choppin' doon The Toon's defence with 3 goals in the space of just 17 mad minutes!

It got worse in the 2nd half and at one stage we were 4-1 doon when Besler wheeled the 'axe' and heeded home!

A fight back then happened and 2 goals from Aarons brought the scoreline back to 4-3 ---the forst a owerheed bicycle kick and the 2nd 'in off the bar'--- but it waz tooo little tooo late and we suffered wor 2nd defeat in 3 in this wor final game of 'the tour'!

Attendance: well below the 22,000 capacity (includin' the 3 Bs'---Biffa, Blondie and Bysy)

GEORDIE TIMES KRYPTIK QUIZ NUMBER ONE

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 21st July 2015










Wot have Clint Eastwood and Sepp Blatter got in common? (Scroll doon the page for the answer!)



"IT'S ALL MINE!!!"



WAR-CHEST LATEST!

Posted '11:40am bells' Tuesday 21st July 2015

ALEK POSES WITH THE OBLIGATORY TOON SCARF @ SJP ORLIER TODAY
('GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!) 

 
Some more good news!---The NUFC 'war-chest' haz been prized open again and £13 million haz been taken oot to sign 20 year old Serbian International centre forward Alek Mitrovic from Anderlecht of Belgium!

He iz expected to make hiz Toon debut against Sheff U this comin' Sunday @ Bramall Lane!
This takes wor total 'spend' to £27 million after the signin' of Ginio Wijnaldum last week!

Meeenwhile the forst team are in action before that in America, when we take on Portland Timbers RESORVES! in the orly hour of tomorrow mornin' in the last of wor 'Wot Made Milwaukee Famous Tour' of the USA

Full match report on 'that' sometime tomorrow afternooon!


PS: The U21s are in Holland at the mo and will play Vitesse Arnhem resorves in the town of Driel toneet @ '7 bells'

'The Geordie Times' thought aboot gannin', but az the game waz arranged  just last week, it waz too late to de anything and arrange time off graft! 
'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' WILL be represented though!--- az 'Glennn from Ashington' haz travelled there by BUS late last neet from London! <(He haz NEVER flown in hiz life---and NEVER will do!)

SACRAMENTO REPUBLIC 0 THE TOON 1 **** 'WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR' 2015

Posted '11:32am bells' Sunday 19th July 2015

Anothaa lack-lustre performance from The Toon in the orly hours of this mornin' (GMT)---but a win at least!---even if it waz an own goal from a Sacramento defender that won it for us!

Those who watched it on-line @ 4 this mornin' on their computaaz etc <(NOT me! 'Too many 'gargels' last neet!---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!") were not impressed with this display and wor new heed coach now naaz the problems that nearly got us relegated last season---Tooo many average players who are past their 'sell by' date---and yet anly ONE signin' so far---Ginio Wijnaldum, who came on at the mid-point of the 2nd half, just after Haidera waz sent off for a reckless high challenge on a Sacramento player!

The anly goal came in the 48th minute when a certain James Kiffe wellied the baall inexplicably past hiz own keeper after pressure from Haidera, who had crossed the baall into the box for Cisse

One more game to gan on 'the tour'---against THIRD division Portland Timber RESORVES!----(we certainly pick high quality opposition to play--don't we?) <(Sacramento aalso play in the THIRD TIER of American futbaall, but at least it waz their FORST team that we played!)

Attendance: 11,442 (includin' the '3 B's'---'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer', 'Biffa the Beer' and 'Byzy' from Ashington)

(PS: 'Blondie' said he would send us some match fotos---but he hazzent yet?---the drunken useless bustard must by sendin' them by carrier pigeon!?)

SACRAMENTO REPUBLIC v THE TOON **** SOMETIME AFTER THE MIDNIGHT HOUR!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 18th July 2015

"THERE'LL BE SOME 'BONNY STATES'
IN 'BONNEY FIELD'!"

In the orly hours of tomorrow mornin' 'The Toon' take on American 3rd Division side Sacramento Republic in Sacramento, Califonia, in the 2nd game of wor 'Wot kept Milwaukee Famous Tour 2015'.

Havin' lost the forst game 2-1 against Mexican side Club Atlas in Milwaukee, we hope to re-group and beat (wot iz effectively) a non league club by English standards. <(however they DID beat 'the mackems' in a friendly orlier on this week!)
New boy Ginio Wijnaldum iz expected to make hiz Toon debut in the Californian sunshine! <(not sure wot time the sun gans doon there?)
'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' haz promised to try <(he failed last time!) and send us some pix on hiz mobile 'tellin bone' of the match <(we shall see!?)
Sacramento play @ 'Bonney Field' and we are absolutleee certain that 'Blondie Alan' and Co. will be in a 'bonny state' with the 'liquid lubrication' come kick off time!
The game, by the way, iz a complete selloot and aall 11,000 tickets have been sold!

A full results service will appear in 'The Geordie Times' sometime tomorrow!---az per usual---watch this space!

RIP JOHN 'THE UNDERTAKER' AND LIAM 'FROM THE LAMP'!

Updated '11:44am bells' Friday 17th July 2015

Today iz a very sad day indeed for aall NUFC fans, for this iz the day last year that wor great friends John 'The Undertaker' and Liam 'from the Lamp' lost their lives on the MH17 flight to the far east, where they were gannin' to watch 'The Toon' play in New Zealand

Their plane was shot doon ower the Ukraine and alang with them anothaa 296 people aalso tragically lost their lives!

We are gannin' to 'The Newcastle Arms' and 'The Strawberry' next to St James' Park for a few drinks in their memory this afternoon and aall are welcome to come and join us!
Aalso on Saturday afternoon many more are tornin' oot in their memory

RIP John and Liam---yoo will NEVER be forgotten by us!


Updated Saturday mornin'

We had a few drinks in 'The Newcastle Arms' and 'The Strawberry' in their memory and then laid a black and a white rose at the 'Alder Sweeney Memorial Garden' @ St James' Park

LOST BUT NOT FORGOTTEN!

SWANZEE AND MANC TICKETS ON SALE

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 16th July 2015

CEDRIC THE SWAN AND FRIENDS
WAITIN' TO GREET US IN SOOTH WALES!

Tickets for the langest trek of the season AND forst away game in the Premyaa Leegue @ Swanzee on Sat Aug 15th are now on sale
Priced @ £35 for big kids and £17.50 for sprogs and zimmerframites <(like me!)  50 loyalty points are needed to porchase one <(that's those of yoo who have been to at least 50 away games under the NUFC loyalty system)
They are actually £15 and £12.50 MORE expensive respectively than wot we paid last season???

Tickets are aalso on sale for one of wor SHORTEST jorneys of the season to 'The Theatre of Muppets' a week later---priced @ £45 for grown up kids and various lower prices for Sprogs, zimmerframeites and U16s  (50 loyalty points needed az well) 

"WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!"



CLUB ATLAS of MEXICO 2 THE TOON 1 *** THE WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 15th July 2015

A STRANGE SHAPED STADIUM TO PLAY WITH A ROOND BAALL!

The Toon got off to a losin' start in their tour of the USA when we lost 2-1 to Club Atlas in Milwaukee last neet!
Two goals in the forst 17 minutes from the Mexicans sealed the victory for them---but it could have been much worse az they rattled the woodwork az well on a couple of occasions!

'The Sissoko Kid' got one back for us just before the break with a low shot, but that waz the end of the scorin' although we were much the better team in the 2nd period--- We must now re-group for wor 2nd game in Sacramento on Saturday 

Attendance: 21,246 includin' 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' who waz supposed to send us some match/pub pix--but hazzent yet??? <(the drunken useless bustard!) *

WOT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS TOUR ********* USA 2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 14th July 2015

Toneet The Toon play their forst game in the tour of the USA when they heed to Milwaukee to play Club Atlas of Mexico in a basebaall stadium! <(plastic pitch and aall!)

The same players who played @ Gatesheed on Friday neet will aall get a game (see match report of 'that' and the players used, below) but 'new boy' Ginio Wijnaldum wont be playin, but will join up with the squad later this week!

Lang distance 'Geordie Times' paparazzi reporter 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' iz in the States and will send us some pix of the games (and pubs!) <(he'd better!---or else we'll 'slag him off'!)
Watch this space!

'WAR CHEST' LATEST!

Posted '10:25am bells' Sunday 12th July 2015


At last some good news!---Someone haz actually signed for us in the transfor window!
24 year old Midfield Dutch international 'Ginio' Wijnaldum haz signed for a reported £14.5million from PSV Eindhoven az 'The Toon' finally 'crowbar' wor war-chest open and spend some money at last <(the LAST club in the Premyaa Leegue to buy a player!)

Not sure if he'll be 'jetting off' to America for wor pre-season tour next week, but at least we have one of the SIX players we need to compete in the top flight---more to follow????---lets hope so!

LATEST PREMYAA LEEGUE TRANSFOR NEWS (AT LAST WE HAVE ONE!)

Updated 'high noon bells' Sunday 12th July 2015

The transfor 'window' iz well and truly OPEN and there haz been a hive of activity amongst  aall of the Premyaa Leegue clubs! 
And az for NUFC?---at last we have signed a quality player--namely Ginio Wijnaldum from Dutch side PSV for a reported £14.5 million <(Az mentioned above, we are the LAST club to sign a player in 'the window'!) <(More to follow???----"PLEEEZE!!!")

 
TRANSFORS 'IN' so far

SIX
Bournemoooth,
The Liverbirds

FIVE
The P*ss Potters

FOWER
Swanzee,
Sooothampton,
Wotfad
The Hazbeenz & Villians
The Jellied Eels Mob

THREE
Lestaa,
Sporz

TWO
The Toffee Noses,
The Canary Custards,
The SMBs,
Chelski
Manc Blue Moonies

ONE
Manc Muppets,
The Baggie Troosers,
The Arse,
The Crystal Balls
THE TOON

THE HEEDBANGERS XX 0 THE TWO TOON X1s 1 *** FRIENDLY FIXTURE *** 43 PLAYERS USED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 11th July 2015

CISSE SCORES THE ANLY GOAL FROM THE PENALTY SPOT

"A GAME OF TWO TOONS!"

Papiss Cisse saved wor blushes in wor new PINK and dark blue change strip on a warm evenin' in east Gatesheed ,when he convorted a very dubious penalty in the 6th minute <(given by a mackem referee!) to win this contest, contested by a total of FORTY THREE players from the two sides!
The Toon played two entirely different 11s in each half, beatin' 'The Heed' by one, who used a 'mere' 21 players in total!


THE BIG KICK OFF!

Bad misses by Sissoko, Armstrong and Riviere only added to wor frustration az we struggled to beat a very average Conference side!

By the end we'd totally lost count of the number of players who went on and off the pitch az wor brains were 'puddled' by this time!

America beckons next week for the forst team while the U18s and U21s are due to play in Ireland and Holland respectively later on this month---we will try and de at least TWO games in eetha Ireland or Holland az the trip to the USA iz a non starter <(ie: Aa havvent got enough pennies left in mee 'piggy bank'!)

2nd HALF ACTION AZ 'THE TOON' ATTACK THE RIGHT HAND GOAL

Toon team line up(ssss!)
(1st half): Darlow, Janmaat, Haidera, Lascelles, Williamson, Anita, Colback, Gouffran, Cisse, Sissoko, De Jong 
(2nd half): Woodman, Bigiramana, Ferguson, Satka, Good, Tiote, Armstrong, Aarons, Perez, Riviere, Obertan   


Attendance: estimated 4,000 (3,000 Toon fans) *

Update on Munday: Official attendance waz given az 5,258 with 3,463 of them 'Toon' fans in the East Stand and 1,795 'Heed' fans in the Main Stand (There were a canny few Toon fans in the Main Stand includin' 'us'---so there were probably 4,000 'Toon' fans in total and the rest 'Heed' fans!)

THE HEEDBANGERS v THE TWO TOON X1s **** TOONEET @ GATESHEED STADIUM

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 10th July 2015

The 'big day'? haz finally arrived az we heed to 'The Heed' for wor forst pre season friendly of the new season.
We understand that Dutchman 'Ginio' Wijnaldum will sign for us later today---pendin' a medical!----he will of course NOT be playin' tooneet in a Toon side that will feature TWO completely different teams in the forst and second halves! <(This iz one reason I hate pre-season friendlies!----(ie: can yoo name the 22 (plus!) who will be comin' on and off the pitch after a skin-ful of liquid lubrication!?)

Pay tornstiles will be in operation, despite us bein' told that the game waz 'aall ticket' ----With NE new signings on show wor prediction iz a crowd of between 2,000 and 3,000

ANYWAY!---'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo a full match report sometime tomorrow with loads of pix az well!

Watch this space!

NE NEW HEEDS @ THE HEED!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 7th July 2015

Az the week creeps on it's lookin' increasingleee likely that there will be NE new faces in wor startin' line-up against Gatesheed on Friday neet, when we take on wor 'Tyne Bridge' counterparts in a friendly @ Gatesheed Stadium @ '8 bells'!

This is very disappointin' but NOT unexpected after aall the 'War-chest' and 'Cart before the horse' hype that haz been highly publicised on the telly and in the press! <(we've seen and hord it aall before of course!)

The talk around the bars in the Toon iz aall of the depressin' nature for wor prospects for the new season az it draws ever closer!

We shall see---lets hope this 'War chest' iz opened soon!

THE GEORDIE TIMES TV FIXTURE PREDICTIONS--LATEST SCORE 5-2 to THE GEORDIE TIMES

Updated 10:27am bells Saturday 4th July 2015

The telly fixtures for August and September have been announced  and 'The Geordie Times' predicticted the followin' fixtures would (or wouldn't) be moved ---lets see how many we got reet---OR---wrang!


Sat August 8th v Sooothampton @ SJP < We predict that this game WILL be moved to Sunday 9th az wor opponents are in Europaa Leegue action 2 days before <(We were REET---now '1:30 bells' Sun August 9th) 1-0 to The Geordie Times!) 

Sat 15th v Swanzee away < We predict that this game will NOT be picked for live telly and will be played at the original time and date <(We were REET--2-0 to The Geordie Times)

Sat 22nd v Manc Muppets away < Not sure aboot this one, but we 'fink' that it will NOT be moved for live telly <(We were WRANG--now 12:45 bells on the same day---live on BT) 2-1 to The Geordie Times)

Sat 29th v The Arse @ SJP < We predict that this game WILL be moved for live telly! <(We were REET---now 12:45 on the same day--live on BT) 3-1 to The Geordie Times

Sat 12th September v The Jellied Eels Mob away < We predict that this game will NOT be picked for live telly and will be played at the original time and date < (We were WRANG---now 8:00 bells Mon 14th Aug) 3-2 to The Geordie Times

Sat 19th v Wotfad @ SJP < We predict that this game will NOT be picked for live telly and will be played at the original time and date < (We were REET) 4-2 to The Geordie Times

Sat 26th v Chelski @ SJP < We predict that this game WILL be moved for live telly < (We were REET---now 5:30 bells on the same day---live on SKY) 5-2 to The Geordie Times

BROLLYMAN THANKS 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'! --- EXCLUUUSIVE!

Posted '2:22pm bells Friday 3rd July 2015

"52,000 EMPTY SEATS! ---NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A 'WARM WELCOME'!--THANK YOU!"

'The Geordie Times' haz just receeeved a personal e mail from wor new heed coach

"Dear Fink

Thank you for the warm welcome!

I wanted to take the opportunity to write to you directly to thank you for the warm welcome I have received since I arrived at Newcastle United

I will be in touch again before our first game at Gateshead next week, shortly before we depart for the USA!

Best wishes

Steve McClaren
Head coach"

HEEDBANGERS TICKETS NOW ON SALE---SHEFF U TICKETS AZ WELL!

Updated '1:33pm bells' Friday 3rd July 2015

Tickets for wor game @ Gatesheed a week today are now on sale priced @ £15 for big kids, £10 for zimmerframeites and just £3 for sprogs! (kick off '8 bells')

Tickets for wor friendly @ Sheff U ('1 bells' Sunday 26th July) are aalso on sale @ £15 for big kids and a fiver for zimmerframeites and sprogs 

Pre season trainin' started on Wednesday and with ne transfors to talk aboot, we are amongst just 3 Premyaa Leegue clubs who have yet to make a move in the transfor market!

Wor game against Sacramento Republic in America on 18th July  iz 'selt oot' we understand! <(so divvint waste a 5,062 mile trip if yi havvent got a ticket!) <(AYE! we checked the distance from SJP!)

That's just SEVEN days to gan now til wor forst pre season friendly---and ne new players to show off---so far!
Get the WAR CHEST OOT!---"QUICK!" <(or else we will be in trouble!)