Sunday, 30 June 2019

"WELCOME TO THE NUFC LUNATIC ASYLUM!"

Posted '10:40am bells' Sunday 30th Joon 2019
πŸ€ͺ
I renewed my NUFC away season ticket yesterday!
I must be completely mad!

Friday, 28 June 2019

10 REASONS FOR 'THE FAT CONTROLLER' TO GET OOT OF TOON!

Posted '5:00pm bells' Friday 28th Joon 2019

Ower the last 12 years of The Fat Controller's calamitous 'reign'? wor local 'rag' 'The Ronny Gill' haz printed many front page heedlines askin' him to pack hiz bags and "GET OOT OF TOON!"

Here are TEN very good reasons for him to depart and never darken the corridors of St. James' Park again!











"DO YOO GET THE MESSAGE, 
'FAT CONTROLLER'???

"USA AALL THE WAY! *** 50,000 THANK YOOOZ!"

Posted '4:20pm bells' Friday 28th Joon 2019
"GEORDIE TIMES RULES OK!"
THE CELEBRATIONS HAVE AALREADY STARTED IN NEW YORK CITY 
ON TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING!

And on a happier subject than we have been postin' in recent weeks!
The USA haz just recorded it's FIFTY THOOSANDTH (50,000th) pageview in The Geordie Times!
We thank everybody from San Francisco to Florida and from Texas to New York City for their support of this daft Toon website!

Once again thank yooo very much for loggin' in!

THE TOP TEN 'GEORDIE TIMES' AALL TIME PAGEVIEW LIST!

1: United Kingdom: 175, 526  (Ing-er-land, Scotland, Northern Ireland &Wales)
2: United States of America: 50,012
3: Ukraine: 24,272
4: The Israelites:17,917
5: Jawmany: 17,781
6: Rushaa: 11,788
7: (Lost in) France: 8,998
8: (Mee old) China: 4,696
9: The Guinness Republic: 4,644
10: Spain: 3,046 

Thursday, 27 June 2019

WOR FLAGS AT WAR!

Posted '2:22pm bells' Thorsday 27th Joon 2019


News that 'Wor Flags' are to stop their displays of the giant Gallowgate End flag in protest at Rafa's despicable departure, has reached The Geordie Times!
Indeed aall the flags will stop bein' displayed for the foreseeable future!

It's sad that aall the efforts and expense to get the giant flag made in Poland will not be displayed any more until 'The Fat Controller' sells wor great club!

A great idea would be to display the giant flag in Leazes Park, which sits in the shadows of St James' Park, with outraged fans standin' aroond it, showin' wor total contempt of a man who shows total contempt for us!

Hopefully wor much despised owner will sell up and get 'oot of Toon' very soon!
TODAY'S LOCAL RAG---THE RONNY GILL!

Wednesday, 26 June 2019

"THE DOONWARD SPIRAL STARTS HERE!"

Posted '4:05pm bells' Wedinzday 26th Joon 2019
"YES MAN WANTED!---APPLY WITHIN!"

Both Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger have ruled themselves oot of the current vacant managers job at NUFC

Jose saying that a top 8, 9 or 10 finish is 'not for him' and that he wants to join a club who want to win things and Arsene has more or less said the same!

Reeely, it doesn't matter who takes ower, the fans are in revolt and news that several players in wor paper thin squad now 'want a transfor' comes az nee suprize whatsoever!

In othaa words, the whole sorry mess iz aboot to 'implode' and a doonward spiral will surely follow now!

Supermac haz said on SKY today that aall 'The Fat Controller' wants iz "A yes man!" who will grovel, not complain, tow the line and pick up hiz meagre wages (in comparison to Rafa's) and try against aall the odds to keep us up!

Sean Longstaff iz reportedly taalkin to Moan United 'az we speak' and more are sure to follow!

'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' haz 'hoyed hiz hat into the ring'  and said "Who wouldn't want to manage them!" 
This iz the same fat conman who danced a 'jig of delight' when hearin' the news that we were relegated when he woz manager of the SMBs!
Don't be suprized if 'The Fat Controller' appoints him, just to annoy us even more!
FAT SAM HEAR'S THAT NUFC HAVE BEEN RELEGATED!

The usual 'suspects' have aalso been mentioned like Gary Monk, Moyzzy and Alan Pardew, etc etc!!! "Yes men every one!"

Wor anly hope it seems iz IF the takeower will happen IF it ever does!----or else--in the words of Private Frazer off 'Dads Army'----

Tuesday, 25 June 2019

"THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK!"

Posted '2:23pm bells' Tuesday 25th Joon 2019

"IT' CAN'T GET ANY WORSE!--CAN IT?"

Yesterday woz one of the blackest days in NUFC's history with Rafa shown the door, with the club tellin' the media forst aboot hiz departure---and NOT tellin' Rafa that they had done that!
He found oot from a friend that NUFC had informed the media that he woz leavin'! 
A very shoddy way to treat a great manager with contempt!

Nee class from an arrogant regime that couldn't give 2 monkeys f***'s aboot anybody but themselves!
FURIOUS TOON FANS GATHERED OOTSIDE THE GROOND 
AZ SOON AZ THEY FOOND OOT!
WHERE, INDEED, HAZ AALL THE MONEY GONE???

This woz the day that 'broke the camel's back' and this time many loyal fans HAVE had enough and have vowed not to buy the most expensive new strip in futbaall (£65 for a large top!) or renew their expensive season tickets, which have went up anothaa 5%, to watch (which no doubt will be) dire futbaall and yet another relegation battle! 

Personally, I will still gan coz I cant stop myself! (I am on the10 year season ticket deal anyway and my price iz 'frozen' and am payin' for next season's ticket aalready!)

We reeely don't know what to say aboot wor fate next season, but wor anly hope iz for the 'so caalled takeower' to happen very very soon, or else we will start the new season with a weak squad, nee new players and nee hope for the future IF 'The Fat Controller' stays in charge!
(On hearin' of Rafa's departure on Munday, Alan Shearer caalled the club, "A SHAMBLES!")  

And az for a new manager?---whoever it iz, he iz on a hidin' to nothin'!  Aa meen, how do yoo replace Rafa? (Joke Kinnear for the 3rd time perhaps?)--divvint rule it oot under the current chaotic regime!

Rafa isn't the anly one to be treated with total contempt--ask Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer AND 52,000 loyal fans!

When the club celebrated wor 125th anniversary in December 2017 they paraded former players on the pitch before the game with Lestaa City, but both record goal scorer Alan Shearer and club legend Kevin Keegan were conspicuous by their absence!

Shearer woz actually in a private box in 'The Milburn Stand' that game and 'watched on' az the players milked the applause on the pitch!---He and Keegan yoo see, wornt invited az they had dared to criticise the shambolic runnin' of the club!---And Keegan of course had sued--and won a case against the club for hiz chaotic dismissal.
"It's not like it said in the brochure!", waz hiz partin' shot at 'The Fat Controller'!

The bar  underneath 'The Gallowgate End' named 'Shearer's woz aalso changed to 'NINE', to 'get back' at wor record goal scorer and they wouldn't even allow a statue of him to be within the stadium boundary and so it stands on a block of demolished toilets on Barrack Road!?

It's aall so pig heeded, sad and unnessesary az the NUFC hierarchy shud show some respect to former players and managers! We shud aalso be fightin' for honours and European futbaall and not a potential THORD (3rd!) relegation under 'The Fat Controller's leadership?

And ask yourself this very important question:
"WOT THE HELL HAVE WE DONE TO DESORVE HIM!?"

Monday, 24 June 2019

Sunday, 23 June 2019

THE FINAL CURTAIN!?

Posted '10:30am bells' Sunday 23rd Joon 2019



With just one week of Rafa's contract to gan, we will find oot wor fate!---and it doesnt look good!

Rafa Benitez:

"And now the end is near--and so I face the final curtain!
I've done my level best--to keep us up--and that's for certain!
I love Newcastle fans--but I hate 'The Fat Controller'!
And I'm afraid to say--in 7 days--it could be over!"



Friday, 21 June 2019

TOON ST'RIP OFF'!

Posted '1:59pm bells' Friday 21st Joon 2019

It has been revealed by wor 'little sister' 'The Times' of London, that NUFC's new home shirt iz the most expensive in The Premyaa Leegue at an eye waaterin' £65 for a large, short sleeved adult shirt!

The club tell us that its "A tribute" to the Fairs Cup winning shirt from 1969?, but it looks nowt like it and iz one of the worst Toon shirts we have ever seen!
One thick black stripe doon the front and two thick white stripes to each side with the rest 'aall black' iz nothing like the 1969 iconic version and already fans have said they won't buy it!
Who are they tryin' to kid?
IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

THE FAIRS CUP SHIRT FROM 1969
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!?

Meeenwhile!---and az you'd expect!---there iz absolutleee NEE news aboot Rafa's contract, which runs oot in 9 days----the possible takeower---or any new incomin' players----but "YES!" come and buy wor new extortionately priced home shirt, "yoo gullible idiots!"

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

FAIRS CUP FOLLY! *** SOME 'TRIBUTE'!

Posted '4:17pm bells' Wedinzday 19th Joon 2019
1969

NUFC have just released pictures of wor new strip for the 2019-2020 season, claimin' that the design is very similar and "A TRIBUTE" to the Fairs Cup winning strip of 1969?

We leave you to draw your own conclusions!😳
2019

1969

*

Monday, 17 June 2019

"WHATS'S SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE!"

Posted '3:55pm bells' Munday 17th Joon 2019

'The Geordie Times' haz hord from 2 different reliable sauces that 'Rafa the Gaffer' haz cleared hiz desk after a suprize visit to wor trainin' groond in Benton last week!


Sunday, 16 June 2019

"IT MAKES YOO WANT TO ***** !


Posted '10:38am bells' Sunday 16th Joon 2019

The latest rumours to come oot of NUFC are that Rafa haz cleared his desk in hiz office and that somethin' will be annoonced on Wedinzday aboot the impendin' takeower!

Iz this is just anothaa vicious rumour to add to the previous hundred(s)? OR should we take it with a pinch of salt!???

Can't wait for Wedinzday now! (Or not az the case may be!)

Meeenwhile NUFC have released the followin' statement aboot the above rumours!
THE NEW NUFC CLUB SPOKESMAN!

Friday, 14 June 2019

OFF THE RAILS!

Posted '4:38pm bells' Friday 14th Joon 2019
OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!
(IZ THAT WOR BELOVED OWNER 'THE FAT CONTROLLER'?)


Toon fans are facin' a travel nightmare on the teams 2nd away game of the season---accordin' to wor local rag 'The Ronny Gill'

We are due to travel to King's Cross on the bank holiday weekend  where we play Sporz at their new London abode, BUT aall trains from the north east terminate at Peterborough that weekend because King's Cross iz CLOSED!

Network Rail haz given the followin' advice: 'On Saturday and Sunday there will be no trains between Peterborough/Cambridge and London King's Cross!
You are advised NOT TO TRAVEL!---Customers are advised to travel on Thursday, Friday, and Tuesday for this weekend!'

Not much cop if the game iz on Saturday, Sunday or Munday---IZ IT!?

There are ways aroond this however, by catchin' a train to Chesterfeeeld or Sheffeeeld---and then onward to St Pancras Station not far from King's Cross!
A little inconveeeniant, but it's the anly way to dee it--apart from drivin' (not advisable on a bank holiday!)
The trains WILL be 'rammed' however, so mek sure yi book a seat!

Thursday, 13 June 2019

NUFC APPOINT A NEW SPOKESMAN!

Posted '4:56pm bells' Thorsday 13th Joon 2019

NUFC have just appointed a new spokesman to communicate with supporters aboot Rafa, new players and possible new owners! 

NUFC FIXTURES 2019-2020

Posted '1:30pm bells' Thorsday 13th Joon 2019 (anly 4 and a half hours late!)

"SO IT WOZ FAKE NEWS!"

The 'leaked' fixture list yesterday for the new season woz 'fake news' and we will host 'The Arse' at home on a Sunday for live telly and NOT 'The Toffee Noses of Evaatin', away, as woz wrangly leaked!

NUFC Games 'cast in stone' that CANNIT be moved!
Just 2 so far!--The forst and last games of the season!
Sun 11th August: 'The Arse' at home '2:00 bells' live on SKY
Sun  17th May: 'The Liverbirds' at home '3:00 bells'
Telly dates for the rest of August and September are due to be released on 5th July---but divvint haad yer breath!



*36 games oot of the 38 are subject to change


*After wor game v 'The Arse' we then travel to the newly promoted 'Canary Custard Creams of Norwich' the following Saturday?(hopefully) and then anothaa away game the week after that, which will delight 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers', when we travel to Sporz new abode in "Norf Landan!" for the very forst time!

We finish off August when we host Wotfaad who were slaughtered 6-0 in the FA Cup final against 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester'!

We then must travel to Anfield where we face Champions Leegue winners Liverpoool, who we host on the very last day of the season in May (hope they don't need to beat us to win the Leegue!?)

Ower the festive period we must travel to 'The Theatre of Muppets' on Boxin Day? to face Moan United and on New Years Day? we are at home to 'The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa'!

Of course---aall games are subject to change for live telly and opponents who are in European action!

We fully expect that 30 of wor games will be moved for live telly! (One aalready v 'The Arse' in wor forst game of the season!)

Aaall this in the wake of the total chaos and confusion which haz engulfed NUFC once again, az we still divvint naa who wor manager will be or who will own us, when the new season kicks off in 2 months time!? (Nee new players signed so far, eethaa!)

Wednesday, 12 June 2019

PREMYAA LEEGUE FIXTURES OOT TOMORROW!*** 'TOFFEE NOSES' AWAY 1st GAME?

Posted '4:04pm bells' Wedinzday 12th Joon 2019
ST. JAMES' PARK FROM BARRACK ROAD
"FAKE NEWS PERHAPS?"

With nee resolution az to who will be wor manager or owner next season---and with nee new players signed so far---the fixtures for the new season will be oot at '9:00am bells' tomorrow mornin'!

Of course--oot of the 38 games to be played, we expect at least 30 of them will be changed for live telly and for opponents who are in European action!

Leaked reports claim that wor forst game will be away against 'The Toffee Noses of Evaatin' at Goodison Park on the 10th August!
(Likely to be changed IF this iz true?---although NOT accordin' to the  live telly list below, which haz us az a '3:00 bells' Saturday KO!) 
(Note that there iz NEE Friday neet fixture for live telly az we were told there would be?----iz this 'Fake News'?)
THE 'LEAKED' OPENIN' DAY FIXTURE LIST!?

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo, wor loyal subjects the fixture news 'second hand, forst', when aa get up after mee night 'truck run' to Manchester (aboot 4 hours after they are published elsewhere!)
Reeed 'The Geordie Times' for aall the latest news!----last!

HAPPY BORTHDAY TO ME!---"IT'S WOR CUP!!!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 12th Joon 2019

FRANKIE CLARK & BOBBY MONCUR PARADE THE CUP IN
FRONT OF THE WEST STAND & CENTRE PADDOCK
-----I'M IN THE CENTRE PADDOCK (SOMEWHERE!?)


The Fairs Cup celebrations continued from the previous day (see below) when we paraded the coverted silverware aroond St James' Park.

One home made banner made oot of a tatty bed sheet and hand written in black paint summed it up: "IT'S WOR CUP!", the banner proclaimed!

Aa was somewhere in the Centre Paddock that day and it was a very special day for me for it was aalso mee 15th borthday!

It is STILL to this day the best borthday 'present' that a'v ever had!
("Er!"---"It shouldn't be tooo hard to work oot how old I am today!? <("quick!---pass mee zimmerframe!")
Clue: it iz mee 'treble 21st plus 2!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)

Tuesday, 11 June 2019

FAIRS CUP WINNERS!---50th ANNIVORSARY!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 11th Joon 2019

On this day half a century ago 'The Toon' won the old Inter Cities Fairs Cup in the Hungarian capital of Budapest by beatin' Ujpest Dozsa 3-2 on the day and 6-2 on aggregate, after wor 
3-0 forst leg win a fortneet orlier .

I was still a schoolkid at the time and me and mee mate 'Billy the Skin' listened to the final on a crackly old valve radio in his bedroom of his muthaaz hoose as the game wasn't televised live.

It didn't look 'ower clever' by half time as we were two-nowt doon, but as the 2nd half started, Bobby Moncur vollied in to pull one back and Ujpest just collapsed after that.

Benny Arentoft got wor equaliser soon after  and then Alan Foggon got the winner from a rebounded shot off himsel? as the radio commentator screamed his heed off:"IT'S A GOAL!--IT'S A GOAL!", he shouted at the top of his voice, above the 'crattles' of the radio, and it was 'game ower' as the ref blew the final whistle soon after! 

The bedroom floor nearly collapsed as we jumped up and doon on the creakin' floorboards in jubulation, as, (just like the radio commentator) WE shouted at the top of WOR VOICES as well!

We celebrated wor win by runnin' doon nearby Whickham Highway wavin' an NUFC flag and a huge 'Rangers' 'William of Orange banner' depictin' a gadgie wearin' a funny lookin' hat, ridin' a white horse, (would you believe!) which Billy had 'half inched' as a souviner from the policehut at 'The Leazes End', after we'd played and beaten Rangers in the Fairs Cup semi final @ St James Park in May! 
(At the time we didn't have a clue aboot the 'significance ' of the sectarian nature of the banner---we were just schoolkids after aall!)

Some very puzzled motorists on the road nearly crashed their cars when they seen us!, but they 'didn't have a clue eetha' just wot we were dein', as we sang and danced and waved the huge banner! (which we could hardly lift as it was so heavy!)
"AAAHHH! BRILLIANT MEMORIES!"

POP ROBSON mACKEM HERO!

Posted '4:05pm bells' Tuesday 11th Joon 2019
POP ROBSON 'mACKEM HERO!'

News that 'mackem born deserter' Jordan Henderson iz very likely to be given the freedom of sund'land, followin' hiz Champions Leegue success with Liverpoool, haz reached 'The Geordie Times'!




Az coincidence will have it, on this day 50 years ago, anothaa 'mackem born hero', Pop Robson won a Inter Cities Fairs Cup winners medal!-- with! ----NUFC!

WILL HE FINALLY BE GIVEN THE FREEDOM OF sUND'LIND AZ WELL, FOR HIZ MAGNIFICENT ACHIEVEMENT AALL THOSE YEARS AGO????

STATEMENT FROM NUFC! 😳

Posted '3:20pm bells' Tuesday 11th Joon 2019

The club have just released the followin' statement regardin' Rafa's contract, the proposed takeower, incomin' transfers and season ticket sales dates for 2019-2020!





Monday, 10 June 2019

RAFA RETORNS ORLY!

Posted '4:30pm bells' Munday 10th Joon 2019
RAFA IZ DRIVEN INTO WOR TRAININ' GROOND AT 
BREAK-NECK SPEED ORLIER TODAY
(Geordie Times excluuusive!)

News reaches us from wor paparazzi fotogrifaa that Rafa the Gaffer haz returned unexpectedly to wor trainin ground in Benton.

We hord news yesterday through the grapevine that aall club employeeez were asked to come to work today smartly dressed, for some unexplained reason? (foreign visitors perhaps from the middle east?) 

We have ne idea if the above 2 news stories meen anything at aall---BUT! we live in hope of course!

The Geordie Times will of course keep yoo, wor loyal reeeders informed of any forthaa developments az they happen!

Sunday, 9 June 2019

BLAYDON RACES 157th ANNIVORSARY---TODAY!

Updated '9:35am bells' Friday 9th Joon 2019


Geordie Ridley***'Geordie hero'!

Today iz an historic day for Geordies everywhere---for today iz the 157th annivorsary of 'The Blaydon Races' song, which of course iz the Geordie National Anthem, written by Geordie Ridley in 1862.


Aaltogether now!---'Geordie Times' version!

BLAYDON RACES

"Aaa went to Blaydon Races!
t'was on the ninth of Joon!
ayteen hundred and sixty two!
on a summers afternoon!
we took the bus from Balbra's!
she was heavy laden!
away we went alang Collingwood Street!
that's on the road to Blaydon!"--


Chorus!
"Oh! mee lads! yi shud'iv seen us gannin!
passin the folks alang the road!
just az they were stanin'!
aall the lads and lasses there!
aall wi smilin' faces!
gannin alang the Scotswood Road!
to see the Blaydon Races!"
SCOTSWOOD ROAD (100th ANNIVERSARY PARADE 1962)

"We flew past Armstrong's factory!
and up to The Robin Adair!
just gannin doon ti the railway bridge!
the bus wheel flew off there!
the lasses lost their crinolines off!
the veils that hide their faces!
an' aw got two black eyes!
an' a broken nose!
in gan ti Blaydon Races!"

THE ROBIN ADAIR 


Chorus!

"An' when we put the wheel back on!
away wi went agen!
but them that had their noses broke!
they cam back ower yem!
some went to the dispensary!
and some to Doctor Gibbs'ss!
and some to the infirmary!
to mend their broken ribs'ss!"
DOCTOR GIBBS

Chorus!

"Noo when we got to paradise!
thor wes bonny gern begun!
there wes four and twenty on the bus!
man!---who they danced and sung!
they caalled on me to sing a sang!
aw sung them Paddy Fagen!
aw danced a jig and swung me twig!
the day aw went to Blaydon!"
'PARADISE' BRIDGE

Chorus!

"We swung across the chain bridge!
and into Blaydon toon!
the bellman he was caallin' there!
they caall him Jackie Broon!
aw saw him talkin' to some cheps!
and them he was persuadin'!
to gan and see Geordie Ridley's show!
at the Mechanics Hall in Blaydon!"

THE 'CHAIN BRIDGE'

Chorus!

(last vorse!)
"The rain it poor'd aw the day!
and myed the ground quite muddy!
Coffee Johnny had a white hat on!
they were shootin', "Whe stole the cuddy?"
there wes spice stalls and munkey shows!
an' aud wifes sellin' cider!
an' a chep wiv a ha'penny roond-aboot!
shottin', "Aw me lads, for riders!"
'COFFEE JOHNNY'

Chorus!


A paintin' of THE BLAYDON RACES in 1862




  

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