Thursday 31 October 2013

THE TOON 0 THE BLUE MOONIES 2 (After extra time) *** "2 MORE HOURS OF PURE TORTURE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' 'Haalloween' Thorsday 31st October 2013

Well!---the club hierarckhy <(we naa how to spell aall the big words!) have been granted their forst wish!----The 'irritation' of The Leegue Cup iz nuw oot of the way and we can concentrate on wor Premyaa Leegue survival plan?, til January at least, when the 2nd 'irritation', The FA Cup comes 'a-caallin'!

Despite sayin' he waz desperate for some silverware in the club's empty display cabinet, wor manager opted for five changes to the startin' line up from 'Sunday's submission' with Shola partnerin' Cisse up front in a 4-4-2 formation!
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END
DURIN' THE 1st HALF
(View from row 'Y' Leazes Middle Section)

The Blue Moonies made TEN changes from their last game against Chelski, az both teams slogged it oot on the park!

It waz torture at times az both sides looked disinterested az the game progressed!
Wor forst shot on target came from Shola on the half hour mark, but hiz effort waz parried away by City's sub goalie Pantilimon.

This resulted in The Toon havin' their porple patch az we tried in vain to find a way through their defence---with ne luck!
Shola had a goal disallowed for offside and Anita blew a great chance when it lucked easier to score!

The 2nd half waz played mainly in midfield az The Toon attacked The Leazes End where 2,000 or so Blue Moonies were housed in 'level 7' above! <(the rest of 'level 7' waz completeleee empty!)
Goffran then missed a chance at 'the death' when he heeded narrowly wide!---this waz wor last chance in normal time and we 'blew it'!

Extra time loomed and az the ref blew aa made straight for the concourse 'tool-shed' for a 'gypsies' and on remergin' there were loads of fans complainin' that the 'burger bars' were now closed with their shutters doon! (and here's me thinkin' that you come to a futbaall match to watch a game of futbaall!?---how stupid am I???)

We had a glorious chance to win it, orly in the 1st half of extra time, when Cisse fluffed an easy chance @ The Leazes End which you or 'I' could have scored from!!!

The Blue Moonies took full advantage of this and soon after the deadlock waz broken @ The Gallowgate End when Negredo slotted home in the 99th minute!
They doubled their lead soon after when Dzeko rounded Krul in The Toon goal to win the tie!
This waz the 'Q' for hundreds of Toon fans to leave 'the sinkin' ship' az they left their seats in their droves!


The proposed 'singin section' in the Strawberry Corner' did themsels ne favours by singin' the: "You fat Cockney Bustard,---get out of our club!" song! <(that's the new singin' section 'doon the pan', then!)

By the end the '2 hour plus torture' waz complete az the groond waz nearly empty by then and 30 minutes 'valuable drinkin' time' had aalso been lost!

Verdict: For the 2nd time this week we were the bettaa team but like against the SMBs last Sunday we couldn't put wor chances away and paid the price!

No doubt that 'The Fat Controller' will be hopin' to get 'The Muppets', 'The Liverbirds' or 'The Arse' away in the FA Cup to grant hiz 2nd wish!

Toon team: Krul, Haidara (Dummett 46) <(Ben Arfa 81), Tiote, Yanga, Williamson, Sissoko, Anita, Gouffran, Shola Ameobi (Cabaye 67), Cisse

Attendance: 33,846 (2,000 Blue Moonies)  



Wednesday 30 October 2013

THE TOON v THE BLUE MOONIES ***LEEGUE CUP 4th ROOND***TOONEET!

Posted '12:222pm bells' Wednesday 30th October 2013
DEMBA BA HEEDS HOME AGAINST 'THE BLUE MOONIES'
IN THE LEEGUE LAST SEASON ***WE LOST 3-1 !

'The paupers of The Toon' gan into tooneets game against 'The mega-rich Mancunians', havin' lost the last EIGHT games in a row against them!***which we think must be some kind of unwanted record!

Not sure of wor line up yet, but we here that Cheik Tiote will remain az captain and that Yanga 'wanga' will retorn from suspension with Papiss Cisse up front! <(we didn't here this from 'The Ronny Gill', by the way, who are banned from the groond!***see article below!)

Resorvists Shola, Anita and 'Marveaux the Magician' are likely to start and we'll just have to wait and see the rest of the team line up az kick off time approaches at '7:45 bells'!

Everyone of course iz 'on a downer' after 'Sunday's surrender' but we here that 30,000 tickets have been sold---nearly aall of them before the 'derby debacle'!

The Blue Moonies have been allocated 2,400 tickets but we divvint naa just how many of them have been sold? (probably half that!)

We start off wor 'tonsil ticklin'  in 'The Welly' in High Bridge @ '5 bells' before movin' on to othaa hostelries before endin' up in 'The Newcastle Arms' for the final pre match 'gargels'!

Lets hope it isn't 'nine in a row', but who would bet against that!?

Match report to follow @ dinnatime tomorrow!

Tuesday 29 October 2013

RONNY GILL IZ BANNED!

Posted 12:53pm bells Tuesday 29th October 2013
THE FRONT PAGE OF TODAY'S 'RONNY GILL'!

News that the Toon's THREE main papers have aall been banned from St James' Park haz been dein' the roonds and it iz a very sad day indeed when the local 'rags' can't speak their mind!

NUFC arnt happy with papers negative coverage of events at St James' Park are didn't even let wor manager answer any questions put to him by them after Sunday's 'disaster derby'! <(very childish if yoo ask us!)

The 'Ronny Gill' alang with 'The Jawnil' and 'Sundih Sun' have aall been ostracized forthwith and won't even be allowed into the groond's press box in the future az 'The Fat Controller' haz hoyed the toys oot the pram!

The Toon's FOURTH paper----'The Geordie Times' will NOT be gagged  in this way however!---and we will of course give yoo forst hand accoonts of aall the games we see and wor honest opinions!

On Wednesday we play 'The Blue Moonies of Manchester' in the Leegue Cup @ St James' and yoo can bet your bottom dollar that we will be in The Leazes End to report on it!
If the forst name on the team sheet says resorve goalie 'Elliot' then yoo can bet your bottom, bottom dollar! that a second string eleven will be runnin' oot @ 7:45 bells' tomorrow neet!

More to follow on aall this at dinnaatime tomorrow!  

Monday 28 October 2013

SMBs 2 THE TOON 1 *** "SEVEN HOURS OF TORTURE!"

Posted '11:13am bells' Monday 28th October 2013
"DEFINATLY NOT! THE MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR!"

The day started off @ '9 am bells' in The William X1 boozer (of aall places!) on Gatesheed High Street, where a couple of the lads were gannin' for the forst 'gargels'!
The side street next to 'The William' of course iz where Geordie Ridley waz born, the composer of the Geordie National anthem 'The Blaydon Races' and a few pints were consumed there before heedin' 'ower the waataa' to The 3 Bulls which waz heeevin' and then onward to The Newcastle Arms for the final 'liquid refreshments' before boardin' the 'torture chamber busses' to the SOS.

Aa say 'torture chamber' coz it takes so lang to get doon there (normally ower an hour) for the 13 miles jorney between the 2 groonds, escorted by many blue sirens and a helicopter!

We'd left the bar @  the ridiculous time of 10:30 bells to catch the busses for the 1:30 kick off some 3 hours later!
We eventually arrived at the SOS to be greeted by the usual 'sad half a sheeps brains' who were assembled to give us 'V' signs etc. (one even wore a horses heed!) and we were escorted like cattle to the tornstiles by aboot 200 'dibbles'!

Once inside, many Toon fans heeded for the bars which were sorvin' watered doon beer! A disgraceful state of affairs if yoo ask me and they shud 'hang their heads in shame', those who did buy 'the mackem demon drink'! (Aa refuse 'point blank' to buy anything here (az usual!) and stood for ower an hour, 'alcohol free', dyin' of thirst!)

It waz then time to heed for mee 'standin' place' reet behind the goal in 'row 8' of the upper tier!
Block of red and pink? empty seats could be seen dotted around the groond az the SMBs couldn't sell aall their tickets!

And then the real torture began!---With just five minutes gone the home side went in front from a corner when Fletcher heeded in at the far end from us!

Despite havin' most of the play we couldn't find a way back and we had fower free kicks from 35 yards oot from Cabaye and Ben Arfa but their efforts from that distance were in vain az they they were just too far oot to score and the free kicks ended up in the crowd!

We lacked pride and passion and we couldn't even put two passes together at times in wot waz a shockin' forst half display from us! 

And then at last!--a comeback in the 2nd half ,when in the 57th minute, Mathieu Debuchy fired home after runnin' roond the mackem defence to put us level!--- and there were wild celebrations in the away section with fans faallin' ower seats az they went 'ballistic'!

However wor 'joy' waz not to last az the game petered oot and with just six minutes to gan the ref oweruled the linesman to give advantage to the SMBs and the resultin' free kick foond Borini who fired home to compound wor 'torture'!
There waz ne way back for us now and we heeded back to the concourse where we were held back for an hour before boardin' the bussues once again for the snail pace 'torturous' one hour (plus!)jorney back to Tyneside! <(via Westerhope!) (That's an average speed of less than13 MPH! by the way!)

We eventually arrived back @ The Newcastle Arms @ '5:30 bells' (more than TWO hours after the final whistle!) which waz some SEVEN HOURS after we left there to gan doon!

That's!---SEVEN HOURS to see this cr*p 90 minute match and de the 26 mile roond trip!---"Welcome to the torture chamber!"

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Santon, Cabaye, Williamson, Dummett, Sissoko (Cisse 46) , Tiote, Ben Arfa, Gouffran (Sammy Ameobi 70), Remy (Shola Ameobi 70)

Attendance: 46,313 (more than 2,500 below capacity!) (2,800 tortured Toon fans!) <(they wouldn't give us any more tickets!)

Saturday 26 October 2013

SMBs v THE TOON ***THIS SUNDAY DINNATIME! ***ONE DAY TO GAN! ***PLUS! ARCHIVE DERBY MATCH REPORTS FROM 1967 and 1970!

Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday 26th October 2013

"ARE THEY PEOPLES HOOSES?"
TOON FANS DISCUSS THE MAGNIFICENT ARCHITECTURE
OF SOUTHWICK, JUST 200 YARDS
FROM THE STADIUM OF SSHHH!!! (YE NAA WOT!)
(Photo taken last season on wor retorn jorney from the SOS) 
The big day iz aalmost upon us and the 149th competitive Tyne/wear derby takes place @ The Stadium of Ssshhh!! (Ye Naa Wot!) tomorrow with an unusual '1:30 bells kick off, az opposed to the 'high noon' starts the local 'dibble' normally insist on! (and divvint forget!---the clocks gan BACK an hours this Sunday az well!)

This will be 'The Geordie Times's' 47th competitive derby 'in a row' since 1967 (includin' the one we were banned from @ 'Joker' in 1996!) and in aall that time we have anly seen 'The Toon' lose twice doon there!***Once @ Joker Park and once at the SOS!

We understand that the game iz NOT a complete selloot az the mackems are STILL sellin' tickets for the home ends! <(SMB members anly!)

Wor end of course with 2,800 iz completely selt oot---and indeed we could have selt 10 times az many az we were allocated!
However!---if yoo have plenty  of 'dosh' corporate seats can be purchased from NUFC az the SMBs cannit sell them to their own fans!

Schools in sooth Tyneside have been given FREE tickets in a desperate attempt to try and boost the gate--but (az we naa so well!) there are thoosands of Toon fans who live there az well! <(so there could be 'fun and games' after aall!)

The 'late start'? gives us time for some much needed pre match gargels  and az we speak we have 'put the feelers oot' are tryin' to 'suss oot' just which boozers in the Toon will be open orly before we depart for 'the sad place'!

"STOP PRESS!***STOP PRESS!"
'The Three Bulls' in The Haymarket iz open @ '9 am bells' we understand for orly 'tonsil ticklers'!
Othaa 'orly openers' include 'The Porcy', 'The Strawberry' plus a few in 'The Gate'!

We will of course bring yoo a compreeehesive match report on Sunday!---fingers and toes crossed it's a good one!



Meeenwhile!-- and to 'wet your appitite'!---below are two archive reports from joker park in 1967 and 1970 when crowd segregation waz unhord of!

Friday 25 October 2013

EAST END GROUNDHOP! *** "AALL DAY TOMORROW!"

Posted '1:30pm bells' Friday 25th October 2013

To celebrate 125 years of the Northern League, they are dein' one of their famed groundhops tomorrow in Newcastle's east end!

Fower Northern League games will kick off at staggered times and the amazin' thing iz that matches on aall fower groonds are within two miles of each othaaa!
Add in the fact that The Toon U18s are takin' on Spors U18s @ Little Benton az well, then there's the unprecedented possibility of takin' in FIVE games in the space of NINE hours!

The itinerary iz az follows if yi stupid enough to de aall five!:
10:30 am bells: Heaton Stannington v Birtley Toon ***watch the 1st half and Then! 'move on' to Little Benton just up the road to watch the 2nd half of The Toon U18s game against Spors which kicked off @ 11 bells!***
Then! 'move on' to Darsley Park just roond the corner to watch West Allotment Celtic play North Sheeelds @ 1:15pm bells!
Then!***'move on' again and heed back to the groond next to Little Benton where Team Northumbria take on The Whitley Bay Watchers @ 4 bells' and Then! (finally!)*** 'move on' a fortha mile doon the road to watch Newcastle Benfield play Morpeth Toon @ 7 bells!

Best of luck yoo sad bustards!

PS: 'The Geordie Times' will NOT be on 'the hop' az a'm dein' anothaa neetshift run doon to Halesowen near Bormingham tooneet and will be tucked up in bed when the forst game kicks off!****"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"
   

NUFC DERBY TEAM NEWS***EXCLUUUSIVE! ****FROM WOR INTREPID SECRET CLUB INSIDER!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 25th October 2013

"YEE NAA WOT!"

Wor secret club insider haz informed 'The Geordie Times' that despite the conspiracy theories aboot 'Fab' Coloccini 'jumpin ship', that he iz back on Tyneside for treatment from hiz trip to Argentina for personal reasons.
We understand that he could be oot for a lang time, which of course rules him oot of Sunday's derby match @ The Stadium of Sshhhh! (Yee Naa Wot!)

'Spiderman' (Gutierrez) iz oot for personal reasons az well and Yanga 'wanga' will aalso be missin' through suspension, coz of hiz sendin' of against 'The Liverbirds' the othaa week!

We understand that it's a 'toss up' between 'Dummy' and Steve Taylor az to who will partner Mike Williamson in cetral midfield!

More news (ne doubt?) from wor 'secret agent' az it happens!---watch this space!  

Thursday 24 October 2013

002 joker park revisited 1970

GROUND NUMBER 2 revisited
DATE OF THIS VISIT: 27th MARCH 1970
JOKER PARK, BLUNDERLAND

BLUNDERLAND   1
NEWCASTLE UNITED   1  ('Jinky' Jimmy Smith)

(Old) DIVISION ONE
ATTENDANCE: 51,950 (at least 10,000 Toon fans in The Fulwell End!) (10,000 elsewhere!)


 
"THE GRAND OLD LEAZES END!"---

"WE HAD TEN THOUSAND MEN!"










  
This was mee thord visit to Joker Park and followin' on from mee forst visit in 1967 when we took half the Fulwell End, the next two years we brought more and more 'boot boys' to infiltrate the mackems 'hard end' and this time an attempt was made to take the whole of their beloved end!

The violence had been so bad in the previous visit in 1968 when darts, golf balls and aall manner of objects were hoyed at rival fans, that people even brung brollies to protect themsels from the incomin' missiles!


The train to Seaburn was (as usual) completely wrecked with seats, tables and even a carriage door bein' hoyed oot of the broken windows onto the tracks and the Toon fans were in a foul mood as we came into Seaburn Station.

Runnin' battles then ensued in the appropriately named 'Newcastle Road' as the mackems tried to ambush us but I have to tell you that they came off second best and fled doon the side streets as we desended onto Joker Park. It was pay on the gate as usual with ne segregation whatsoever and after a few hoose windows got caved in with 'half wollas' in the streets behind 'The Clock Stand' we heeded for wor destination---THE FULWELL!


"THE EASTER UPRISIN'!"

The mackems had beat us into the groond and were occupying the centre section of The Fulwell End as The Leazes Boot Boys made their entrance. As more and more Toon fans packed the terraces it soon became obvious that a mass fight was aboot to take place as the golf balls and darts rained in from the mackems section. By this time there were twice as many Toon fans as mackems and a 'charge of the light brigade style' was imminent!

With 'the Dibble' ootnumbered 'the charge' suddenly began as the home fans sang defiantly "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE THE FULWELL!"
before unfulin' a red banner which said the same

thing!

THIS! was like wavin' a red rag to a bull and it provoked mass fightin' as the boot boys 'laid in' to the ootnumbered mackems who were unceremiously chased onto the pitch and before lang the entire 'Ful'well End was 'full' of ten thousand plus 'black 'n' whites' on the rampage.

The displaced home fans were then escorted to the 'Roker End' where they bizarrely unfurled their 'YOU'LL NEVER TAKE THE FULWELL' banner once again, to huge laughter and piss takin' from the NEW Fulwell End occupants!


By this time the teams had ran oot the crowd had settled doon and the historic 100th competitive mettin' between the clubs was underway (my 'sixth' in total, by the way!)

The mackems were bottom of the leeeg and with The Toon in sixth position an away win was on the cards in this 'Easter Uprisin'!.

The Toon were well on top in the forst half and Wyn Davies and 'Jinky Jim' (Smith) havin' blinders but they were thwarted by Montgomery in the home goal who kept us at bay in a game played in a blustery wind.


In the sixth minute of the second period however the deadlock was broken when Toon winger Keith Dyson flew doon the wing (would you believe!?) and crossed to 'Jinky Jim' who met the baall porfectlee to volley a supurb shot past the desparin' Montgomery to bulge the net!





'JINKY JIM'

This brought wild celebrations in The Fulwell End as we danced and sang on the terraces.

However!—the win wasn't to be and helped by the wind which was behind them the mackems equalised when Toon born (and *thorn!) Dennis Tueart slotted in an easy chance to send The Roker End wild!

It ended one's a piece, but the oweridin' memory for me that day was the complete takin' of 'The Fulwell'

Er!—aa can feel a song comin' on!

"THE GRAND OLD LEAZES END!"---
"WE HAD TEN THOUSAND MEN!"
"WE MARCHED THEM UP TO JOKER PARK!"---
"AND TOOK THE FULWELL END!"

After the match we heeded back to Seaburn for the train and passed some allotments on the way doon a narrow lane.

A gadgie in a pair of wellies, who mindin' his own business, was lovingly tendin' his prized leaks in his greenhouse, when aall of a sudden a couple of hudred or so Leazes Boot Boys, who were packed tightly into the lane, broke his piece and desended on him. They started pullin' the wooden fences doon aroond his allotment to use as weapons against the mackems at Seaburn as the gadgie looked on horrified.

His greenhouse was soon reduced to a pile of broken glass as he cowered behind his leeks and cabbages as the mob went wild! 
To be perfectly honest I felt sorry for him as he obviously hadn't been to the match and probably hated football anyway! (if he didn't then—HE WOULD NOW!)

'The Dibble' were waitin' for us at Seaburn and hoyed us onto the train to avoid fortha clashes with the home fans.

The train back to The Toon was predictably wrecked again and after this visit the games were made aall ticket and we were 'banished' to 'The Joker End' forever more ! (neva to retorn to 'The Fulwell'!)

Footnote: At Blunderland's next home game the next day they attracted a crowd, some 33,000 less than the day before! They were relegated at the end of the season as well!

*Just to rub salt into wor wounds, six years later Toon born Tueart scored the winnin' 'bicycle kick'goal against us for Man City in the 1976 League Cup Final at Wembley as well!


PS: In my original match report which I got from the papers in The Central Library some years ago (of which I'v lost!) I just happened to gan to 'The Adelphi' pub for a quick 'gargel' afterwards and guess who was proppin' up the bar??? ---Non other than the derby hero and goalscorer, 'Jinky' Jimmy Smith!---I couldn't belive it and showed him the notes a'd just written to prove that aa wasn't makin' it up!---it was weird!


 
©Fink™ (the mad-sad grJundhJpper!)

www.geordietimes.blogspot.com

Wednesday 23 October 2013

"LIFE BEGINS AT 40,000!"

Posted '12:57pm bells' Wednesday 23rd October 2013
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

Yet anothaa 'historic'? landmark haz been passed in the last day or so, az 'The Geordie Times' haz just receeeved it's FORTY THOOOSANDTH PAGEVIEW from owerseas (and the solar system beyond!)

Oot of the near 84,000 'hits' in total, we have nearly 43,800 from the old UK (England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales) and a total (at the time of writin'!) of  40,200 from the rest of world, of which ower a third iz from the USA alone!

With a grand total of 144 countries and territories (plus Mars!) 'The Geordie Times' iz indeed  'a global brand'!

Again! we thank each and every one of yoo for viewin' this daft site!

Owerseas countries with ower 1,000 pageviews

1 USA***13,996
2 Ukraine***4,200
3 China***2,200
4 Jawmany***1,700
5 Guinness Republic***1,070
6 Rushaa***1,060

Sunday 20 October 2013

THE TOON 2 THE LIVERBIRDS 2

Posted '12:30pm bells' Sunday 20th October 2013

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END DURIN' THE 2nd HALF
(View from Level 7 Balcony)

Az there hadn't been a goal-less draw between the two side for aalmost 40 years iz waz predictable that there would be goals in this game az well!

Before the match an estimated 500 strong (weak?) protest march against 'The Fat Controller' took place from The City Haall to Leazes Park by disgruntled fans, sick of the comical goins on at the club! (We @ 'The Geordie Times' didn't take part az we felt it waz a complete waste of time!---IF we thought for 'one second' that we could get 'The Fat Controller' to sell the club by marchin' through the city centre then we would have joined in--pronto!)

Anyway!---we heeded for the tornstiles (after 'marchin' from 'The Companions Club' in Leazes Park Road!) in trepidation of wot might happen followin' wor six-nil defeat to the Scousers just six months ago @ St James'!

However!---a suprize waz in store for us az WE actually took the lead at the mid-point of the half---when!--oot of the blue!--- Yohan Cabaye hit a 30 yard screamer into the corner of the net @ 'The Leazes End', leavin' former SMB keeper Mingolet with 'nee chance' az he dived in vain to save it!

And then came 'the game changer' when Yanga grabbed Suarez by the shoulder and predicably the 'litte biter' went doon like 'a sack of taaties' in the penalty box to win the spot kick!
Yanga, bein' the last man waz subsequently sent off by ref Marriner and Gerrard stepped up to score hiz 100th goal for The Liverbirds to level the game just before the half time interval!

We expected the visitors to tear into us in the 2nd period but The Toon gave az good az they got and supersub Paul 'Dummy' Dummett put us back in the lead after a Yohan Cabaye free kick foond him at the far post unmarked and he gleefully excepted the chance to welly the baall into The Liverbirds net in the 56th minute!

The visitors then piled the pressure on and got back on level torms again when Suarez crossed for Sturridge to nod home in the 72nd minute!
We were then prayin' for the final whistle and had a scare deep into injury time when a Suarez free kick on the edge of the box waz superbleee saved by Tim Krul in The Toon goal!
A 2-2 draw waz a great result considerin' that we anly had 10 men for most of the match!

It waz then the lang 'march' back to 'The Companions' <(approx. 200 yards!) for some more (much needed!) 'liquid lubrication'!

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Santon, Tiote, Williamson, Yanga, Gouffran, Cabaye (Anita 78, Ben Arfa (Sammy Ameobi 78), Sissoko (Dummett 44), Remy

Attendance: 51,703 (3,200 Mickey Mousers!) <(who let off flares and bangers!) (The crowd waz 600 short of capacity az NUFC refused to put tickets on general sale!--but waz still the highest of the season so far!)
Average Premyaa Leegue home attendance: 49,813***
Best in the north east, 3rd best in the UK and 13th best in the world!


Friday 18 October 2013

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS ***SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

Posted '1:24pm bells' Friday 18th October 2013
ACTION FROM THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS IN APRIL

Aftaa yet anothaa enforced break due to the World Cup qualifications we find worsels up against The Liverbirds just SIX months aftaa wor worst home defeat against them in livin' memory, when the Morseysiders put SIX past us with ne reply!

Fab Coloccini definitely winnit start for us az he haz a groin injury and we here that 'spiderman' (Gutierrez) haz went back yem to Argentina for personal reason and aalso wont feature in this live telly '12.45 bells' kick off.

The usual monotonous 'battlecry' of "We wont let you down this time!" "etc! etc!", from the players haz been splattered ower the local 'rags' and we can anly hope that THEY DONT THIS TIME!? 

Lets aalso hope the papers on Sunday and Monday arnt full of headlines from Toon players sayin' "We are sorry!" ---"We let you down!" "etc! etc!" yet again!

Toon fans are on the march tomorrow in protest at the runnin' of the club and it 'kicks off' at 10:30 bells' at 'The City Haall' and ends at the Leazes Park bandstand sometime later!
'The Geordie Times' wont be represented at the march, az quite frankly, we cannit see 'The Fat Controller' sellin' the club because of a few hundred fans marchin' through the city centre!---but we wish them well in their protest! (if we thought for 'one second' that he would sell up because of this, we would aall be there 'en mass'!)

A full match report will follow on Sunday sometime---lets hope it isn't a 'disaster report' like April's!?

Thursday 17 October 2013

"JUST THE TICKET!" ***"FIFTEEN QUID? ***WE'RE HAVIN' A LAFF!"

Posted '1:11pm bells' Thorsday 17th October 2013
THE VISITORS SECTION @ WBA LAST APRIL 
LAST SEASON £39---THIS SEASON £15!
***HORRAY FOR COMMON SENSE!

AT LAST!****some good news for travellin' supporters who are continueleee ripped off with high ticket prices!

'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom and 'The Toon' have agreed to let visitin' supporters into their groond for az little az FIFTEEN QUID when the two team clash home and away later this season!
This iz an adult savin' of £24 and shud be welcomed with open arms!

Swanzee have aalso agreed with us to reduce prices to TWENTY QUID when the two teams play in sooth Wales in December and the retorn @ St James' in April!

A BIG BLACK MARK ('X') however must gan to 'The Canary Custards' of Norwich who REFUSED to 'play ball' and we will be charged FORTY FIVE QUID! <(shame on yoo!) for wor midweek visit there in January! (Lets hope (and pray!) that Delia borns hor next custard crumble to cinders!)

Wednesday 16 October 2013

INGERLAND 2 THE POLAR BEARS 0 !

Posted '1:55pm bells' Wednesday 16th October 2013

So England have qualified for the World Cup in Brazil next year and at least it gives us sommik to de durin' the close season az we gan 'England tellyhoppin'!

A'v nevaa been a big England fan but will be watchin' the games in somewhere like a Majorcan bar on a big screen next summer! (or wherever!?)

The cost of flights and digs in Rio iz said to top £7,000! az aa speak!---so mebeez it's just az well that aa just follow 'The Toon'!

'The Toon's next game iz of course on Saturday when we play 'The Liverbirds' and we can anly hope that they are not az 'lively' az they were last season when they hammered us 6-0 at St James'!
More to follow on this in the build up to the game in the next couple of days!

Tuesday 15 October 2013

ENGLAND POLEAXED!

Posted '1:15pm bells' Tuesday 15th October 2013
"IZ THAT THE TYNE BRIDGE?"

We don't normally comment on England games, but the decision to give Poland 18,000 tickets for toneets match at Wembley in the vital World Cup qualifier iz utter madness!

Crowd safety concerns are given az the reason but with 18,000 plus Poles mixin' with 70,000 plus English, it iz surely a recipe for disaster in more ways than one!

I will be listenin' intentleee on mee truck radio toneet az aa travel doon to the Bormingham area once again, to see if we qualify!---or not az the case may be!  

Sunday 13 October 2013

JoeKanory*** THE CLOWN PR*CK OF SOCCER!

Posted '8:38pm bells' Sunday 13th October 2013

"YI COULDN'T MAKE IT UP!"

News reaches' The Geordie Times' aboot a bizarre event that took place @ St Andrews, Birmingham the othaa week, when wor 'Director of Fools' JoeKanory went to watch a Championship match.
Apparentleee, (we are told) he waz very impressed with a Birmingham defender and enquired aboot him to manager Lee Clark!

"Who's that young kid at the back who waz playin' for you today, we certainly would be interested in signin' him!", JoeK said to Lee after the game.
Clarkie torned roond in disbelief and replied: "Actually!---He's on loan to us from YOU!---His name is Shane Ferguson!"

Saturday 12 October 2013

KICKIN' WOR HEELS AGAIN!

Posted '1:15pm bells' Saturday 12th October 2013

For the 2nd week oot of the last three, we find worsels with ne Premyaa Leegue game due to the World Cup qualifyin' games bein' played this week!

This meeenz aa must get 'mee fix' somewhere and today a'm off to a fave non leegue haunt of Federation Park, Dunston (or shud that be The Federation Park CLUBHOOSE?) where 'The Bad Blue Boys' (Dunston UTS) take on Morpeth Toon in a Northern Leegue encoonaa @ '3 bells', where a near 200 crowd iz expected! <(so get there orly!)


Of course it reeely iz annoyin' to have anotha blank weekend again, especially az we will have to travel to Swanzee and Norwich in midweek later on this season! (just HOW de they work the fixtures oot, to make us travel SO far through the week!?)

Anyway!---we haven't got a game til next Saturday now, when 'The Liverbirds' visit St James' Park in a live telly game!

More to follow on this next week sometime!

PS: Dunston are currently the 20th best supported north east club ---full 'Top 20' list to follow later!

Updated '11:00 am bells' Sunday
PPS: Dunston won 5-0 and were 3 up after just 15 minutes with the goals comin' @ 'The (now demolished) Dunston Rocket End' <(now renamed 'The Dunston Rocketless End'!)

Two forthaa goals followed in the 2nd period @ 'The Dunston Tea-hut Terrace End'!---and 'The Geordie Times' prediction of a near 200 crowd waz 'spot on' az 195 diehards actually torned up in the freeezin' conditions!

Thursday 10 October 2013

"TWENTY'S PLENTY!"

Posted '2:40pm bells' Thorsday 10th October 2013

News reaches us that NUFC are puttin' forward a plan to charge away fans just £20 a ticket!---provided!--- wor opponents agree to de the same when we play at their place!

IF? this iz true then it iz great news for fans who are continually bein' ripped off with soarin' ticket prices!

Perhaps they can de the same with train fares az well!------
A'v just booked mee tickets to Sporz at nearly FIFTY QUID DOON and FORTY FIVE QUID BACK!------THAT'S! nearly A HUNDRED QUID for 2nd class retorn tickets to 'the smoke', booked a month in advance!

Wednesday 9 October 2013

'THEATRE OF MUPPETS' TIME CHANGE! *** 'THE ARSE' TIME CHANGE! ***

Posted '1:40pm bells' Wednesday 9th October 2013
"WELCOME TO OLD TRAFFORD!"

"GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!

Wor leegue game @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' against 'The Cockney Reds of Salford' on Saturday December 7th will now kick off @ '12:45 bells' for live telly! (BT)

This meeenz that (once again!) I will have to rush straight for the '6 bells' train after finishin' neetshift @ '4 am bells' (I did the same for Villa away!) Ne sleep again for the fainthearted! "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!" <(NOT!)

Wor home game against 'The Arse' iz now @ '1:30 bells' on Saturday 29th December (SKY) and wor game @ Swanzee, pencilled in for Wednesday 4th December haz aalso been picked for live transmission @ '7:45 bells' (BT) (Kick off time unchanged)



REMEMBER!---yi read this news forst in 'The Geordie Times' and ne where else!

Monday 7 October 2013

THE 'RED' TAFFY NOSES 1 THE TOON 2 ******* "THE PORFECT 'REMY'DY!"

Updated '10:28am bells' Munday 7th October 2013
THE HALF TIME ENTERTAINMENT WAZ PROVIDED
BY THE WELSH MALE VOICE CHOIR WHO SANG 'THE BLAYDON RACES'
IN FRONT OF THE TOON FANS!---BRILLIANT!

"IZ IT  DR. JEKYLL OR! IZ IT MR. HYDE!?"

To be honest, WE!---the fans!---just divvint naa wot team will torn oot for us at the moment!

At Cardiff yesterday it proved to be wor 'Dr. Jekyll' side in the forst half when we could easily have been 5 goals to the good by the interval, alone!---such waz wor superiority!

Loanee striker Loic Remy proved to be the difference between the 2 teams in this period and scored 2 excellent goals in the 30th and 38th minutes to put The Toon in the drivin' seat at the half time interval az we completleee dominated the game!
Hiz forst goal came from a Sissoko pass and Remy dribbled the baall doon the wing, beatin' two players in the process before hammerin' the baall into the net from 20 yards oot!

Hiz 2nd came just 8 minutes later when a Cisse shot waz parried oot by 'The Taffys' keeper and the baall fell nicely to Remy who from aboot the same distance az hiz forst, bent the baall around the keeper to double wor advantage!

"Beware of flyin' sheep!"

A couple of inflatable sheep were bein' hoyed aroond the away end by Toon fans and one of them hit 'Big Al' (no!--not that one!) on the heed, knockin' hiz specs off!--much to hiz annoyance!
THE TOON (in dark blue) ATTACK THE 'TAFFY'S' GOAL DURIN' THE 2nd HALF
(View from row 'T' of the visitors section)


The second period, az iz 'the norm' with us theeeze days, waz a 'Mr. Hyde' performance, az we back-peddled and conceded a goal at the mid point of the half!
A missteak <(Geordie Times spellin'!) by Williamson let in Odemwingie who beat Coloccini and shot into the net with wor defence 'aall at sea'!

We won in the end, but it waz a bit scary at times az we seemed intent on hoyin' away once again.
However!---we managed to hold oot to claim the 3 points much to the delight of the travellin' 2,000 faithful who had made the 320 mile trip to sooth Wales! (Dr. Jykell' had won the day--- this time!)
TAFFY AND TOON FANS ENJOY SOME (MUCH NEEDED!) 
'LIQUID REFRESHMENTS'**POST MATCH!

After the match we had a few celebratory 'gargels' in the Canton RFC clubhoose, which iz within 'hocklin distance' of the groond, before makin' wor way northwards back to Tyneside via the appropriately named 'Magpie' boozer  near Nottingham, eventually arrivin' back yem @ '4 bells' on Sunday mornin'!
THE MAGPIE *** "ONE (GOAL!) FOR SORROW, TWO (GOALS!) FOR JOY!"


Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Tiote, Cabaye (Ben Arfa 86), Goufffran, Sissoko, Remy (Gutierrez 71), Cisse

Attendance: 27,538 (2,000 happy Toon fans!)

Sunday 6 October 2013

THE 'RED' TAFFY NOSES 1 THE TOON 2 ***(IMPORTANT 'GEORDIE TIMES' ANNOONCEMENT!)

Posted '1:10pm bells' Sunday 6th October 2013

Because of wor late arrival back from wor great win in Cardiff ('4 bells' this mornin'!) 'The Geordie Times' iz unable (incapable!) of bringin' yoo a match and 'gargel' report til later toneet, az av just had a few hours kip!----- "ZZZZZzzzz!!!!!" 
It iz now time ('1:10pm bells'!) to gan oot and celebrate in 'The Toon' with a few 'liquid lubrications' in The Porcy and Hotspor etc. etc. etc!
Watch this space!

Friday 4 October 2013

THE 'RED' TAFFY NOSES v THE TOON ***SATURDAY AFTERNOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 4th October 2013
"SANCTUARY!"

We must now torn wor attention to the lang trip to sooth Wales tomorrow when we face the 'Bluebirds' "Er! Sorry!" 'REDWINGS'! of Cardiff @ their nearly new stadium which iz handily built 'ower the road' from their old one! (Ninian Park)

Forst 'port o call' when we get there will be the Canton Rugby Club which iz within eezy 'hocklin' distance' of the groond!
They have a canny clubhoose and de canny scran az well, az we foond oot on wor previous visit here when we played 'The Taffy Noses' in a pre season friendly last year (we lost 4-1!)

We understand that 'The Toon' returned 500 tickets of wor 2,500 allocation and so we will have at least 1,000 more fans in Cardiff than we did @ Everton on Monday neet! <(wor match tickets have just arrived in the post az aa speak!---"horray!")

We start on the lang 320 mile drive at 'five bells' in the mornin' , collectin' 'Liam from the Lamp' and hiz sidekick 'Michael the Mag' from The Black Bull opposite St James Park and then 'onward to Howden to pick 'Tex Taylor' up.
We then must gan through the Tyne tunnel and doon the 'A19' past a certain sh*thole to pick up 3 members of 'The Peterlee Perpetrators' <(havvent got a clue wot 'Perpetrators' meenz---but it soonds good!) and shud arrive in 'Taffyland' at around 11:30ish? <(traffic jams excepted!)

A full match and 'hooch' report will be forthcomin' sometime on Sunday---of course!

Thursday 3 October 2013

S.O.S. TICKETS NOW ON SALE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 3rd October 2013
"WELCOME TO sUND'LIND!"  (PENNYWELL)

Tickets for wor game against the SMBs @ The Stadium Of Sshh!! (Yee Naa Wot!) on Sunday October 27th ('1:30 bells' kick off) have just gone on sale to season ticket holders with 100 loyalty points! <(those of yoo who have been to at least 100 away games!)

Meeenwhile! wor tickets for wor game @ Cardiff in TWO DAYS TIME have STILL not arrived az I speak! <(start panickin'!)

Wednesday 2 October 2013

PREMYAA LEEGUE AVERAGE GATES 2013-2014

Posted '2:22pm bells' Wednesday 2nd October 2013
ST JAMES' PARK***LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE MILBURN STAND

Az ever! The Toon are in thord place in the average gates stakes!

1 The Cockney Reds of Salford***75,081
2 The Arse***60,025
3 THE TOON***49,182
4 The Blue Moonies***46,967
5 The Liverbirds***44,663
6 The Chelski Pensioners***41,503
7 SMBs***41,458
8 The Hazbeenz and Villians***37,905
9 Sporz***35,938
10 The Toffee Noses***35,313
11 The Jellied Eels Mob***34,958
12 Sooothampton***29,696
13 The RED Taffy Noses***27,409
14 The Canary Custard Crumbles***26,819
15 The P*ss Potts***25,502
16 The Wacko Jacko Jivers***24,734 (statue since removed!)
17 The Baggie Troosers***24,639
18 Broken Nose Bruce's Tiger Lillys***23,307
19 The Crystal Baalls***22,807
20 The Swan Lakers***20,732

Tuesday 1 October 2013

THE TOFFEE NOSES 3 THE TOON 2 *** "EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 1st October 2013


THE BACK PAGE OF 'THE RONNY GILL' YESTERDAY
BEFORE THE MATCH!
 
THE BACK PAGE OF 'THE RONNY GILL' TODAY
AFTER THE MATCH! 


THE INSIDE BACK PAGE TODAY!



'ROONEY'S BAR'
NAMED IN HONOUR OF WAYNE ROONEY
5 MINUTES WAALK FROM GOODISON PARK!


Az one of the above heedlines says!---this waz one of wor
worst forst half displays ever!---We were behind after just
fower minutes when Lukaku slammed the baall past Tim
Krul after some crazy defendin' by us!
The Toffee Noses doubled their lead in the 25th minute
when Barkley fired home after some more woeful defendin'!

It waz soon 'game ower' in the 37th minute when
Lukaku embarrassingly beat Coloccini and Tim Krul
to put them 'three up' at the break!---
Wot would the 2nd half bring
we thought az the fans sang: "We want our money back!"
1st HALF ACTION---VIEW FROM ROW 9 OF THE AWAY SECTION
("CAN WE HAVE WOR MONEY BACK PLEEEZE?")
The concourse underneath the stand waz packed with 
Toon fans havin' a 'gargel' and a 'scran' and many of
them didn't reappear after the restart az they were totally
 p*ssed off'!

This waz a shame az within 5 minutes wor revival had
started when 'super sub' Yohan Cabaye fired an excellent shot in to
reduce the deficit!

We forthaa reduced the scoreline with just a minute
remainin' when Loic Remy poked the baall home!
However that waz it!---and the truth iz that we got
off very lightly indeed az The Toffee Noses were
streets aheed of us, especialy in the forst half!
The fact that anly around 1,000 Toon fans had
bothered to torn up (with many of them not
reappearin' after the break az mentioned!) tells it's aan
sorry tale aboot wor current plight!

Toon team : Krul, Debuchy, Coloccini, Yanga
(Williamson 46), Santon,
Tiote, Anita (Cisse 69), Ben Arfa (Cabaye 46), Sissoki,
Remy, Gouffran

Attendance: just 33,495 (just 1,000 Toon fans in aall!)   
 

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