Tuesday 25 February 2014

"THE LIVING BREATHING ANIMAL!"

Posted '2:22pm bells' Tuesday 25th February 2014

LOIC REMY (CENTRE OF PICTURE) SCORES THE WINNER TO AWAKEN
'THE LIVING BREATHING ANIMAL'!

In post match comments on Sunday wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' referred to St James' Park az "A LIVING BREATHING ANIMAL!"
The 'animal' had been 'half asleep' for the forst 92 minutes of wor game against Villa, in wot waz a dire encoontaa, but then it 'woke up' spectacularly when Loic Remy scored that spectacular 93rd minute winner, which in torn sent 'the living breathing animal' ballistic az it's huge roar lifted the roof off the groond!

Monday 24 February 2014

THE TOON 1 THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE *** 2013-2014

Updated '12:42pm bells' Monday 24th February 2014
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END DURIN' THE 2nd HALF
(VIEW FROM THE MILBURN STAND BALCONY)

"REMY TO THE RESCUE!"

An unbelievable borin' game waz played oot @ St James' Park yesterday in front of a very quiet 50,000 plus crowd, although wor visitors had a few chances orly on with centres across the box at The Gallowgate End, but nebody to finish off the crosses <(thankfully!)

We didn't coont one decent shot on target from us in the entire 1st half az we 'attacked'? The Leazes End---dire stuff indeed!
Aa said to 'Norman the Cowboy Plumber' who waz sittin' next to me that aa didn't realise we had won a corner!
"Are yi not watchin' the game--like?", he said and aa replied that actually, aa waz faallin' asleep, az the game waz so bad!
ACTION? FROM THE 1st HALF



The 2nd half wasn't much better with both sides passin' to each other in the middle of the park and we wondered just when we would see a goal, az we hadn't scored a leegue goal at home since BOXIN' DAY!---when we beat Stoke 5-1 <(59 days by wor reckonin'!)

And then aall of a sudden the game and crowd came to life in the 80th minute when a blatant hand baall in the Villa penalty area waz torned doon by the ref Martin Atkinson az he waved the protests from the Toon players away!
Then in the 88th minute Loic Remy somehow managed to hit the post in front of an open goal and we fell back in wor seats in despair!

Just when it looked like wor home goal drought would continue into March, Remy made amends for hiz glarin' miss 3 minutes into injury time when he latched onto a deflected effort from new boy De Jong to beat a defender before slammin' the baall into the net!
LOOKIN' TOWARDS THE CIVIC CENTRE AND THE COAST
ABOVE THE EAST STAND ROOF!
 

You would have thought we'd won the FA Cup!, such waz the roar and relief from the crowd for gettin' this 'monkey off wor backs', az Remy went ballistic and celebrated in The Strawberry Corner by rippin' hiz shirt off in unbridled joy! <(resultin' in a yellow card!)

We are now back in 8th place on 40 points and are 16 above the drop zone!---surely enough to banish aall thoughts of 'the abyss'!? with just 11 games to gan!

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Dummett, Anita, Tiote (Gosling 89), Sissoko, Gouffran, Remy, Cisse (De Jong 72) 

Attendance: 50,417 (2,000 Hazbeenz in The Leazes level 7) (Ne sign of 'The Fat Controller' again!---Hiz last 'leegue visit' to St James' waz against Hull on 21st September last year!) (5 months and 2 days!) <(proves beyond doubt he couldn't give a t*ss aboot us!)

PS: Just how we can get 50,000 to torn up after recent results and the cr*p kick off time, iz anybodys guess???)

Sunday 23 February 2014

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS *** TODAY!

Posted '9:27am bells' Sunday 23rd February 2014

ACTION FROM VILLA PARK ORLIER THIS SEASON
THE TOON WON 2-1!

@ Dinnaatime today we take on @ the Hazbeenz and Villians in a game that we desperately need to win to end the horrendous run of 'five in a row' that we have lost at home!

We are 13 points off a place in 'the abyss' in 9th place in 'The Premyaa' and even a point would lift us closer to the 40 point safety margin which shud be good enough to 'escape the drop' this time aroond! (we are on 37 points at the mo) (Villa are in 13th place on 28 points by the way!)

The three pieces of good news iz that wor top goalscorer Loic Remy iz back from suspension and both Cheik Tiote and 'Fab' Coloccini are expected to be back in the side after recent injuries.

Amazingly!, considerin' recent results and the fact that it kicks off @ '1:30 bells' for live telly, the game iz a near sell-oot, with the visitors takin' up 2,000 of the seats in 'level 7' of The Leazes End! <(are we sadists or wot?) <(OR shud that be pronounced 'SADists'?)

'The Geordie Times' az per usual will bring yoo, wor loyal reeeders, a full and compreeehensive match report and pix sometime tomorrow!

Saturday 22 February 2014

THE TOON U21s 2 THE BLUE MOONIES U21s 3 *** FA PREMYAA LEEGUE CUP QWAATAA FINAL

Posted '12:30pm bells' Saturday 22nd February 2014

Match report by 'Percy the Pigeon' (below) who flew ower the action az the game waz bein' played behind closed doors! <(Unless yih good at climbin' fences!)

"The NUFC 'trophy trail' just got one less yesterday az The Toon U21s hoyed away a two goal lead to lose the game in dramatic style behind closed doors @ Darsley Park.

The deed windy conditions nearly blew me off my perch in a tree owerlookin' the play!

We took the lead in the 2nd minute when Toon goalie Jak Alnwick punted the wind assisted baall upfield to Michael Richardson who lobbed the City goalie!
Richardson doubled wor lead just after the restart but that's when it aall went terribleee wrang!

Byteki pulled one back for 'The Blue Moonies' in the 50th minute and just 3 minutes later they were level when Himula fired past Alnwick!

Lopes completed wor misery at the mid point of the half with a 20 yard shot that flew into the net, again, wind assisted!

Aa then flew off to the Benton Ale Hoose for some much needed sustinence to drown mee sorrows!---"Cooo!"---Cooo!!!"

We now just have TWO chances for 'silverware' this season in the shape of the FA Youth Cup and The Northumberland Senior Cup!

(Wor FA Youth Cup qwaataa final tie against Chelski will tek place @ St James' Park on Tuesday 11th March with a '7 bells' kick off!) 

Friday 21 February 2014

THE TOON U21s v THE BLUE MOONIES U21s *** FA U21s PREMYAA LEEGUE CUP ***TODAY *** BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!

Posted '12:22pm bells' Friday 21st February 2014
"A'M OFF TO THE RESORVE CUP TIE PET!"
"AND THEN  A'M GANNIN' TO 'THE BENTON ALE HOOSE' AFTER THE GAME!"
"SO DIVVINT PUT MEE DINNAA IN THE DOG!" 
"COOOO!!!"

Sometime this afternoon <(we know not when?) wor U21s take on Man City's equivalent @ Darsley Park in a 'behind closed door' resorve qwaataa final cup game!

Again!---we have ne idea just why they must play it with ne fans in attendance, with anly the players families allowed in!
How can young players grow accustomed to tornin' oot in front of less than the number of players on the pitch?---and then expect them to be hoyed in at 'the deep end' in front of 50,000, shud the need arise, is anybody's guess???

Az usual in circumstances like this, we are sendin' wor faithful carrier pigeon 'Percy' to fly ower the action and bring YOO wor loyal reeders a full and compreeehensive match report!

But divvint haad yer breath!---az 'Percy' iz 'gannin on the hoy' after the game in 'The Benton Ale Hoose' and hiz match report wont be forthcomin' til tomorrow mornin' at the orliest! ("hic!")

Az usual stay 'glued' to this space for the final result! "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

Thursday 20 February 2014

"TAXI FOR NEWCASTLE AIRPORT PLEEZE!"

Posted '1:38pm bells' Thorsday 20th February 2014

A very interestin' and excellent article appeared in yesterday's Daily Mail by Martin Samuel, which just aboot sums NUFC up at the moment and 'The Geordie Times' haz reproduced bits of it below, which ring very (very!) true aboot wor current crazy predicament!

Quote: " Newcastle United have no director of football and no managing director!  The owner is rarely in attendance and no permanent signings have arrived in the last two transfer windows!"

"There are plenty of contenders for the worst run club in the Premier League---and Fulham have set the bar pretty high in recent weeks---but given all their advantages, Newcastle should be in line for some form of lifetime achievement in the field!"

"Magnificently supported, from a region that has consistently produced some of the best footballers in Europe, they contrive year on year to find ever more humiliating ways to fail or implode!
No small success is ever built on, no decision so smart that it can quickly be undermined!"

"When Joe(K) Kinnear left as director of football, the first thought was that he had been sacked for failing to recruit players. The latest suggestion is that his employers were upset when he negotiated only £19million from Paris St Germain for Yohan Cabaye! They wanted more! Now we know what the 'director' stood for in his title!---Directing the best players to the airport!"

"Pardew is the patsy in the middle! He obviously decided long ago that the best way to keep his job---and he is not long into an eight year contract---would be to shoulder each fresh indignity without complaint, whether it was the sale of his best player without replacement, or the appointment of an overseer, who soon became a professional joke!"

"Pardew is trying to turn around a vessel that is not so much afloat as adrift!---Newcastle are bobbing along with the engines off and no captain to take responsibility!"

"Pardew never offers even mild dissent against Mike Ashley's running of the club, which wins him few friends amongst the fans! 
As Ashley hasn't turned up for a home game since September, it makes the manager the only senior club official on match day!
No wonder there is tension!
It is merely his misfortune to be saddled with a club that has lost it's purpose!---They might sack him one day, but it still won't mean they care!"

WOT MORE CAN WE ADD???---EXCEPT!

"A boat withoot a rudder!"
"A yaught withoot a sail!"  
"A ship withoot an engine!"
"A catastrophic tale!"      
"WOR NEXT MANAGER!--OR!--DIRECTOR OF FOOLS! ***PERHAPS!?"
(DIVVINT BET AGAINST IT!!!)

Wednesday 19 February 2014

"THANK GOD WE'RE NOT SUCCESSFUL!

Posted '2:07pm bells' Wednesday 19th February 2014

For weeks now av been 'sweatin' on an event that might have taken place on the same day az a Toon match, namely the christenin' of grandbairn Freya!

"SUNDAY MARCH 23rd!" aa waz telt today, iz the 'big day' next month and a frantic look at the calendar (when nebody waz lookin'!) conformed that we play Palace at home on the day before and THAT Sunday iz NUFC FUTBAALL FREE!-----mainly because we are NOT a big attraction anymore and thankfully, neethaa are Palace!---so av 'got away with it' once again az the telly fixtures for March have aalready been announced! <("pass 'the broon ale'---pleeeze!") >

PS: Divvint tell anybody!--- BUT!  guess wot would have taken priority?----and I leave yoo to guess az to whether divorce proccedings would have been imminent!???

Monday 17 February 2014

100,000 THOOSAND REASONS TO BELIEVE! *** "THE HOLY GRAIL AT LAST!"


Posted '10:00am bells' Monday 17th February 2014

"THE CELEBRATIONS HAVE STARTED AROOND PLANET EARTH AALREADY!"
THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING *** NEW YORK!

A momentous occasion haz just happened to 'The Geordie Times' this mornin', az we have just received wor ONE HUNDRED THOOOSANDTH pageview today to join 'the big boys'!???!

It haz taken nearly THREE AND A HALF YEARS to reach the 'holy grail'? from when we forst started dein it seriously in October 2010 and we of course thank each and every one of yoo, from the fower corners of the globe (and beyond!) for loggin' into 'the mad-sad groundhopper's' website!

"SHOES OFF FOR THE GEORDIE TIMES!"
THE MIDDLE EAST!

In total 147 countries and territories (plus Mars!) have now 'visited' us with the old UK (not suprizingly) the top dogs with 50,758 hits followed by wor USA friends from across the pond who have 18,888 hits and then in 3rd place we have the Ukraine with 5,389 hits!
While total overseas pageviews are closing in on the 'historic'? 50,000 mark az we speak!--which accounts for virtually half wor total!

SYDNEY *** AUSTRALIA!

The joyous news haz even reached the solar system and wild celebrations around Mars have begun in earnest!

"NEWS HAS JUST FILTERED THROUGH FROM PLANET EARTH!"
"THE GEORDIE TIMES HAS JUST HAD IT'S 100,000th HIT!"
"GET THE BROON ALE OOT!"



Sunday 16 February 2014

DERBY COONTY U18s 0 THE TOON U18s 1 *** FA YOUTH CUP 5th ROOND

Posted 9:17pm bells' Sunday 16th February 2014
"ER"!" SORRY ABOOT THE FUZZY PICTURE, BUT LIAM'S CAMERA IZ CR*P!"

NUFCs youth team progressed to the 6th roond of the FA Youth Cup with a narrow win ower Derby @ Pride Park this afternoon!

The one and anly goal of the game waz scored by Adam Armstrong and hiz goal iz described by 'Liam from the Lamp' who waz there to witness it!

"HE WAZ THERE! *** THE PROOF!"

"Woodman kicked up to Aarons who gave it to Armstrong, who in torn dummied the Coonty defender to place the baall into the corner of the net! 1-0 to 'The Toon'!"

"THE TEAMSHEET! ---"WHEY! ---SOME OF IT, AT LEAST!?"
Attendance: 2,000 (estimated), 18 Toon fans, includin' Toon travellers', 'Simon from Whitley Bay', 'Biffa the Beer', 'Glennn from Ashington', hiz sidekick 'Bysey', 'Michael the Mag', 'The Caped Crusader' and 'The Mad Professor'!  

Saturday 15 February 2014

BLANKETY BLANK YET AGAIN!

Posted '12:41pm bells' Saturday 15th February 2014
"OH NO!---NOT LES AGAIN!?"

For the SEVENTH weekend this season we find worsels withoot a game on a Saturday or Sunday, this time for wor non participation in the 5th roond of FA Cup, thanx to wor exit to Cardiff at the beginnin' of January!
At least the players and management arnt gannin on an aall expenses paid trip to Dubai this time, like they did on FA Cup 4th roond day! <(Their 'reward'? for the Cardiff capitulation!)

Wor next game iz not til a week tomorrow when we face Paul Lambert's 'Hazbeenz and Villians' @ St James' in a live '1:30 bells' telly game!
Followin' recent results where we have lost SEVEN of wor last NINE games, we find worsels in 'middle diddle' in 9th place in 'The Premyaa', 13 points from a European slot and (more worryingly!) just 13 points from a relegation spot! <(ie: WE ARE STILL NOT SAFE YET!)

There IZ a game however, tomorrow afternoon, featurin' wor Youth team, who take on Derby @ Pride Park in The FA Youth Cup @ '2 bells', for any of yooz who fancy gannin'?

PS: The anly game we can find on Tyneside today which iz definatly on, iz Gatesheed's Conference game against Woking @ Gatesheed Stadium and 'grown up' NUFC season ticket holders can get in for just NINE QUID on production of their NUFC season ticket card. ('3 bells' start!)
'The Heedbangers' are 'de-in canny' and are currently in a 'play-off place' for a place in The Futbaall Leegue!  

Friday 14 February 2014

CROWN PROSECUTION GIVES TOON THE PORFECT 'REMY'DY

Posted '12:30pm bells' Friday 14th February 2014

A little bit of good news reaches 'The Geordie Times' from wor correspondent from the 'deep south', namely 'Alex of St George' (who lives in Middleton St George in between Smogland and Darlo!), who tells us that wor top goalscorer Loic Remy haz been cleared of aall charges of rape by 'The Crown Prosecution Sorvices' @ 'Scotland Yard' and iz free to play for us for the rest of the season!

With NE GOALS in the last fower Premyaa Leegue home games we desperately need him for the visit of 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' on Sunday week, followin' hiz 3 match suspension after hiz sendin' off at Norwich!

Thursday 13 February 2014

THE TOON 0 SPORZ 4 ***** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '10:30am bells' Thorsday 13th February 2014

"LIFE CAN BE KRUL!"

In complete contrast to hiz performance at White Hart Lane orlier this season when he had an absolute blinder, this time wor goalie Tim Krul had an absolute nightmare when he waz clearly at fault for the forst 3 goals!

Played in a howlin' gale and drivin' rain it waz obvious from the start that Sporz had come for the 3 points az they attacked wor goal @ The Gallowgate End.

They opened the scorin' in the 19th minute when a cross across the box waz parried by Krul straight to the feet of Sporz'z Adebayor for a simple tap in!

WE had a chance to level things not lang after, when Cisse shot straight at Lloris in the visitors goal, but that waz the end of wor attackin' prowls for that half and we went in one doon at the break!

Sporz doubled their lead in from of their 2,000 or so fans @ The Leazes End when an Adebayor shot waz again parried by Tim Krul straight to Paulhino, who gleefully exepted the easy chance in the 53rd minute!

WE were woeful at this point and many of wor players didn't looked interested at aall ,while those who did, wornt good enough anyway! (includin' wor one and anly loan signin' De Jong who waz substituted by Ben Arfa in the 63rd minute!)

Another parried blunder by Krul in the 82nd minute, gifted the baall to Adebayor once again and he finished sharply az the Toon fans heeded for the exits in resigned mood!

Wor misery waz completed at 'the death' when Chadli struck a superb shot past Krul, who waz blameless this time!

That's FIVE home games in a row we have lost, FOWER of them in the Premyaa Leegue, where we have failed to score a solitary goal!

The misery continues unabated!---Villa are next up in 10 days time az we have yet another 'blankety blank' weekend, due to wor non involvement in the FA Cup!
12 games to gan!---the season can't end quickly enough for many fans!---role on May the 11th!

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Steve Taylor, Santon (Dummett 446), Gouffran, Sissoko, Anita, Sammy Ameobi (Marveaux 71, De Jong (Ben Arfa 63), Cisse

Attendance: 48,264 (2,000 Sporz fans) The attendance MUST have been made up with season ticket 'non attenders' included, az there were gaps to be seen aall ower the groond, includin' 2 empty sections in 'level 7' of The Leazes End! (There were 4 empty seats in front of me for example) (and ne sign of 'The Fat Controller' in the directors box yet again!)
My prediction of a 45,000 crowd, therefore, waz much nearer the mark!
SPOT THE EMPTY SEATS! (MIDDLE OF PIC)

Wednesday 12 February 2014

THE TOON v SPORZ *** TONEET!

Posted '4:00pm bells' Wednesday 12th February 2014
ACTION FROM WOR GAME AT WHITE HART LANE
ORLIER THIS SEASON *** WE WON 1-0!
(THE TOON ARE IN 'BRAZIL YELLOW')

Toneet we face a Sporz side (for the 150th time in wor leegue and cup history) who are chasin' a Champions Leegue place, while we 'fight it oot' with Sooothampton az to who finishes 8th or 9th this season! &lt;("WOW!")
Many fans think the season iz ower anyway <(includin' little ol' me!) and thoughts of wor 'charge for the Premyaa Leegue title' just under 20 years ago, seem like a very distant memory!

Because of the bad weather and bad practices by wor beloved? owner 'The Fat Controller', we predict a crowd around aboot the 45,000 mark!---still very good compared to most clubs, but we think that there will be aboot 7,000 empty seats in St James' anyway <(we shall see!?)

Loic Remy sorves the last of hiz 3 match ban, while (ddeep breath!) Coloccini, Tiote, Gouffran, Cisse, Debuchy, Obertan and Bigi'banana' <(JoeK 'yee naa whos' pronoonciation of hiz name!) are aall injured and winnit play!

This iz a ready made excuse for wor beleaguered manager 'I Beg Your Pardew', shud we succumb to the "norf Landaners!" @ '7:45 bells', in wor 13th last game of the season! <(so wor manager keeps tellin' us!?)

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will be forthcomin' tomorrow dinnaatime az per usual and we can anly hope for better fare than we have been sorved up lately! <(again!---we shall see?)  

Tuesday 11 February 2014

TOON U21s 0 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE U21s 2

Posted '12:17pm bells' Tuesday 11th February 2014

Match report and 'grainy' pix by 'Liam from the Lamp' ****      'The Geordie Times'z Cheeef Futbaall Correspondent!

Forst half:
"The Toon didn't start off well---like! and were one-nowt doon at the break when Leicester's Adam Dawson chipped the baall ower Jak Alnwick in the Toon goal!"---"It waz then time to heed for the clubhouse for some much needed 'liquid lubrication'!"

Second half:
"Efforts from Aarons and Gilliead for 'us' after the restart ended up in the 'crowd'?--- az the visitors pressed for the second goal---like!"
"This came in the 79th minute when Michael Cain 'caned' wor defence by runnin' past them, before slottin' the baall home to seal the game for 'The Basil Brush Brigade'!"

Attendance: 269 <(NOT! includin' part-timer 'Fink' who had to gan to graft!)

"We have now just won ONE oot of wor last EIGHT U21 games---Exactly the same stats az THE FORST TEAM!!!!"

Monday 10 February 2014

"POSITIVELY NEGATIVE!"

Posted '2:00pm bells' Monday 10th February 2014
"I BEG YOUR PARDEW!???"

Yet more garbage haz come from the mouth of wor beleaguered manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' ,followin' on from hiz 'support' for 'JoeKanory' , the 'one and only' 'Clown Pr*ck of Soccer', who lost hiz job az 'Director of Fools' last Monday, when he said that he could take some 'positives' oot of wor 'negative' 3-0 defeat by Chelski on Saturday and bemoans wor injury list! <(shud have bought some quality players in the transfor window and not sold Cabaye, mee finx, Alan!)

He says that Sissoko and Marveaux shud have scored for us and of course he is right!, but they DIDN'T and then conveniently forgets that 'The OAPs' were streets ahead of us and could have had at least 3 more goals themsels az they completely ootplayed us!

When the home side scored their 2nd goal in the 34th minute---we thought?---how many more?---and luckily for us it waz anly '1'

We have won just 1 game oot of the last 8 and have lost the last 4 homes games in a row! <(tell me just WOT 'positives' yoo can take from that stat!???)

Sporz are up next @ St James' on Wednesday neet az they fight for a Champions Leegue place, while we must fight it oot with Sooothampton to see who finishes 8th or 9th this season!

It's a good job we started off well at the beginnin' of the season or else we'd reeely be in the S*IT right now!

It will be very interestin' to see just how many empty seats there are in the groond come Wednesday, but we are 'negatively' 'positive' that thoosands will be empty!

Meeenwhile, @ 'Blue Flames' in Benton toneet wor U21s take on Leicester in a '7 bells' kick off---unfortunately! <(or 'fortunately' some would say!) a'v got to gan to graft and will miss the game! BUT!---fear not!---az wor intrepid paparazzi reporter, 'Liam from the Lamp' WILL! be there to bring YOO (wor loyal reeders!), a full and compreeehesive match report and pix? <(dependin' on IF he haz had hiz camera fixed yet on hiz cr*p fone???)

Watch this space tomorrow!

Sunday 9 February 2014

THE CHELSKI OAPs 3 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-14

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 9th February 2014

"THE HAZARD WARNIN' LIGHTS ARE FLASHIN'!"
VIEW FROM ROW 5 UPPER TIER, IN 'THE SHED CORNER'
(£55 TO WATCH THE MATCH FROM HERE!)

With less than three hours kip after workin' neetshift, aa dragged meesel oot mee 'pit' and heeded for 'The Central' to catch the '8 bells' train to King's Cross alang with 'Norman the Cowboy Plumber' and hiz bruvva 'Faulty Towers' (Dowaz)

We arrived in the big city some 3 hours later and made straight for Hammersmith where 3 very large breekies were consumed (alang with several pints of 'Smiths'!) in 'The William Morris', before heedin' for 'Earls Court', which isn't too far from Stamford Bridge.

Some of the lads were in 'The Kings Heed' boozer and so that's where we 'heeded for'!---anly to be telt by the bar staff that the manager had just phoned and telt them NOT to sorve anymore Toon fans?--despite the fact that half a dozen of 'wor lot' were proppin' up the bar!---THEY could stay, but we COULDN'T!???
Rather than waste mee breath and argue 'the toss', we heeded for a regular haunt in 'The Blackbird' where the booncers REFUSED us access, sayin' that NE Toon fans were allowed into the bar!
THE KINGS HEAD---NAMED AND SHAMED!

We telt them that we came here every season, but it made ne difference and so we had to sorch for wor THORD boozer in the pourin' rain, which waz an Irish bar alang the road!
There were ne booncers this time and so we entered the packed bar where 'The Liverbirds' were trouncin' 'The Arse' 4-0 on the big screen, much to the delight of the watchin' Chelski fans!

Not suprizingly we decided to 'stay put' and left there with half an hour til kick off, for the 20 minute walk to the groond az the rain kept on pourin' doon!

The Toon had their biggest followin' here for many a year (3,000?) and they were in good voice az the game kicked off, with the forst song directed at wor 'beloved' owner, tellin' him to: "Get out of our club!---yoo fat Cockney bustard!"  <(or words to that effect!)

We started off well and had a couple of chances orly on but it waz the home side who broke the deadlock in the 27th minute when Hazard fired in a great shot in front of the Toon fans.
Their lead waz soon doubled not lang after when a great 'one-two' foond Hazard again and he placed the baall beyond Tim Krul in the Toon to put the game 'beyond 'us'!.

In the 2nd half we hardly did any attackin' and Hazard got hiz hat-trick from the penalty spot when Yanga needlessly pulled a Chelski player doon in the box!

And then at the death Toon super sub'??? 'Marveaux the Magician' failed to find the net when he waz put clean through and somehow he 'conjured up a magic trick' to put the baall wide of the post, when he looked certain to score! (an 'illusion' that completlee baffled us, az we were certain he HAD scored!)

A 3-0 defeat wasn't THAT bad, az we thought it would be more before the game! <(we must be thankful for smaall mercies!)

Just 13 games to gan now in this ever meaningless season!

Toon team: Krul, , Debuchy (Yanga 40), Santon, Williamson, Steve Taylor, Dummett, Anita (Marveaux 84), Ben Arfa (Gosling 64), Sissoko, Sammy Ameobi, De Jong

Attendance: 41,387 (an estimated 3,000 Toon fans!)  

Friday 7 February 2014

THE CHELSKI OAPs v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Posted '2:13pm bells' Friday 7th February 2014

Tomorrow @ Stamford Bridge we take on a Chelski side that are on 'a high' after beatin' Man City last week @ The City of Manc Stadium!
In complete contrast we are on 'a low' after last Saturday's 'derby disaster'!
To add to wor woes, Coloccini, Gouffran, Tiote and Cisse are aall injured and will miss the game, while Loic Remy iz still suspended followin' hiz sendin' off at Norwich in January!

Just wot kind of performance we will put in, in "west Landan" iz anybody's guess???, but with wor season effectively finished with 14 games still to gan---and a mid-table slot virtually guaranteed, we will travel doon on the train tomorrow mornin' with one aim in mind! ----"2 GET COMPLETLY P*ST!" ---and by the time we jump back on the 'DRY' 125 @ King's Cross @ '9 bells' tomorrow neet we shud be well into 'singin' mode'!

A'm workin' a neetshift again toneet, back doon to the Bormingham area in mee truck and hopefully, (traffic jam permittin') aa shud be tucked up in 'mee scratcher' by '3:30 bells'---then!---- drag meesel oot again @ '6:30 bells' and make for 'The Central' to catch the '8 bells' to King's Cross alang with 'Norman the Cowboy Plumber' and hiz bruvver 'Faulty' (Towers!) Dowaz' for a bit of 'tonsil ticklin' on the way doon!
(For some daft reason, unbeknown to man nor beast, 'the British Transport Dibbles' deem that yoo CAN drink az many 'CANS' az yoo like on the way doon to London, but 'CAN'NOT on the way back!---and ne doubt they will be waitin' in force at the ticket gates 'to check' for 'alcohol' az we board the train back!)

The match tickets are a whoppin' £55 like last season and the train fare iz £85!---add on taxis and tube fares etc and we are taalkin' aboot £160 for a day oot in London! <(excludin' drink and food of course!) <(add at least sixty quid for that!= £220 plus!)
The away end iz completely sold oot! <(we must have some rich bustards amongst us!?)

Aa wont have any time to de an update in the mornin', so this will be the 'Geordie Times'z last post til aa write the match report on Sunday (sometime!?)
Az per usual---watch this space!  

Thursday 6 February 2014

THE TIPPING POINT!

Posted '12:32pm bells' Thorsday 6th February 2014

Followin' last weeks fiasco when a Toon fan invaded the pitch and hoyed hiz season ticket card at wor beleaguered manager in the home dugout, many hundreds of fans have taken to 'Twitter' and 'Facebook' to say that they will NOT be renewin' their season tickets when the the 'A4' envelope containin' the direct debit from NUFC faalls onto their doormats!

In response to this wor 'Clown Pr*ck of Soccer' 'JoeKanory' waz forced to resign from hiz post az 'Director of Fools' followin' the non purchase of any players, whatsoever! <(or waz he sacked?)

Everybody haz got their 'tipping point' and after last Saturday many fans are now 'ower the edge' and will NOT be in attendance next season!

Meesel and thoosands of others cannit de this however, az we are diehards til we 'pop wor clogs' and will be signin' up for anothaa year of misery, mystery and mayhem! <(mugs til the end!)

Aa honestly divvint blame anybody at aall for wrappin' their tickets in and az many az 10,000 empty seats could be the norm come next August when the 2014-15 season kicks off!

There's anly ONE person to blame for aall this of course!
"ARE YOO READIN' THIS 'FAT CONTROLLER!"??? ^ ^

Tuesday 4 February 2014

"SENSATION!" *** "CLOWN PR*CK OF SOCCER RESIGNS!!" *** ("GET THE KEBABS IN!!!")

Posted '2:20pm bells' Tuesday 4th February 2014
NUFCs NEW DIRECTOR OF FUTBAALL***PERHAPS???
("DIVVINT BET AGAINST IT!")

News that 'JoeKanory' 'The Clown Pr*ck of Soccer' resigned at '11:01 bells' last neet from hiz post az 'Director of Fools' haz rocked the futbaall world!
Hiz transfor dealins in the two 'windows' he waz in charge, iz nothin' short of remarkable, spendin' nowt at aall and gettin' ower £20 million for a kebab which waz brilliant business for 'The Fat Controller'!

A number of candidates have been put forward for the vacant job, includin' 'Krusty the Clown' off 'The Simpsons', 'Benny from Crossroads' and Tory MP Anne Widdecombe, who tells us that she haz never seen a futbaall match in hor life!---not even on the telly!

This makes hor red hot favourite for the job and 'Ladbrokes' have instaaled hor at 2/1 'on' for the lucrative vacancy!

"I am sure I can do just a good a job as 'JoeK' in the transfer market!", she is reported to have said and we hear that she will resign 'forthwith' from hor Parliamentary position az Maidstone's MP, shud she be offered the job by 'The Fat Controller'!

'Geordie Times' comment: "The NUFC Madhoose' may az well appoint hor!---she couldn't possibly de any worse than 'JoeKanory'!---could she???" 

More to follow on aall this later!---much later! after av had a few 'liquid lubrications' to calm doon!

Monday 3 February 2014

"ONLY H******D WAZ WORSE THAN THIS!"

Posted '2:00pm bells' Monday 3rd February 2014

Things were so bad on Sunday mornin', that, when aa went to the newsagents to get the papers, aa just came yem and hoyed them on the settee and have still not read them!---that's how bad wor defeat on Saturday waz!
Even today aa cannit bring meesel to watch a recordin' of 'Match of the Day' form the weekend, az this result gans into mee top two of disastrous defeat in my support for NUFC since the 1960s! (the forst time av ever seen them de 'the double' ower us!)

It waz 44 years ago this month in 1972 that aa had the misfortune to witness my worst defeat ever, when a certain team beginnin' with the letter 'H' <(for Hatred!) knocked uz oot of the FA Cup in front of 'Motty' and co. and thoosands of kids in anoraks who invaded the pitch that sorry, sorry day aall them years ago!

The fact that wor 'beloved'? owner 'The Fat Controller' and hiz sidekick 'Clown Pr*ck of Soccer' and 'Director of Fools' 'JoeKanory' couldn't even be bothered to attend the '150th Tyne/weardo derby' tells yoo everything that yoo need to naa aboot THEIR passion and commitment to the club!

Honestly! it doesn't get any worse than this! <(apart from the 'H' word that iz!) and wor shambolic season iz effectively ower!---
"FULL STOP!............................................................................................!"    

Sunday 2 February 2014

THE TOON 0 THE SMBs 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 2nd February 2014
 
Toon team who didn't torn up!: Krul?, Debuchy?, Santon?
(Dummett 64?), Tiote?, Williamson?, Steve Taylor?, Sissoko?, Anita? (Marveaux 74?), Shola Ameobi?, Ben Arfa?, Sammy Ameobi? (De Jong 46?)

Attendance: 52,280 (The highest of season for wor very worst 'performance' ??????????????) (2,800 SMBs)

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