THE TOON 1 THE FRIAR TUCK MOB OF NOTTINGHAM 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:57pm bells' Wedinzday 27th Decembaa 2023

"ARE YOU CHRIS WOOD IN DISGUISE?"

"THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST!"

Last Christmas on Boxin' Day Chris Wood scored a penalty for NUFC in wor 3-0 win at Lestaa City!

We then sold him to Forest in the January transfor window coz he wasnt deemed good enough!

Fast forward exactly one year and he scores a hat-trick against us at SJP to stun the crowd (even the Forest fans!) in a revenge 'attack'! (excuse the pun!)

Yih just couldnt make this up--could yih?

It started off so well az well!---A convorted penalty from Isak at The Gallowgate End after he woz hacked doon in the box by Aina in the 20th minute gave us the lead!

And then just before the half time interval Miggy Almiron woz clean through and looked certain to score, BUT inexplicably tried to pass the baall into the middle BUT it woz intercepted by a Forest player and the baall woz hoofed forward and with Chris Wood unmarked in the box he had a simple tap in to level the scores and stun the 52,000 plus crowd!

It certainly knocked the Christmas stuffing (sic!) oot of NUFC az the 2nd half woz a disaster waitin' to unfold!---And it DID!

Wood scorin twice more az he rampaged through wor defence to claim the most unlikely hat-trick EVER!

He'd come back to haunt us for certain, az the empty seats near the end told its own story!

Miggy Almiron had a nightmare and inexplicably he tried to put the baall into hiz OWN net at The Gallowgate End, but a Forest attacker got in the way of hiz shot and luckily for him it deflected to safety!--

(Did he still 'Fink' that we were kickin that way in the 2nd half az well???)

Attendance: 52,207 (Oh no there wernt!----4 empty seats next to me by 'NO SHOW' season ticket holders!) (3,100 Friar Tucks!)

*Fans cannit get tickets, yet those season ticket holders who divvint turn up, cannit be bothered to pass them on to those desperate to get in!

THE TOON v THE FRIAR TUCK MOB *** DINNAATIME!

 Posted '8:00am bells' Boxing Day 2023

"I'M DEAD EXCITED ROBIN!---I'VE GOT A TICKET FOR 'THE AWAY END' ON BOXING DAY!" (From left to right: Maid Marion, Robin Hood, Friar Tuck)

We come off a very disappointin defeat at Lootin on Saturday, hopin to pick worsels up for this clash with The Friar Tuck Mob of Nottingham at SJP!

If we win then it will be wor 8th successive home win in The Premyaa Leegue, which iz in total contrast to wor away form of 4 successive Premyaa Leegue defeats on the road!

NUFC currently sit in 7th place in the table

Forest meeenwhile have lost 5 of their last 6 Premyaa Leegue games and are just ootside the drop zone!

Its a ridiculous '12:30 bells' kick off, with some boozers near the groond openin' at '9:00am bells', like The Strawberry and Leazes End Companions Club!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Tuezday!---Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

THE MAD HATTERS 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Xmas Eve 2023

"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!"

"KING'S CROSS CHRISTMAS CURSE!"

For the thord time in 11 days we travelled through King's Cross station in London to reach wor destination!

Sporz on Decembaa 12th where we were hammered 4-1

Chelseee last week where we agonisingly lost on penalties in The Leegue Cup!

And then yesterday when we humiliatingly lost 1-0 to Loootin at their dump of a futbaall groond!---Happy Xmas! 

The entrance to Kenilworth Road iz an experience in itself, az the tornstiles are through an ancient terraced hoose and yoo waak in underneath a bedroom through wot would have been its livin room and into the back yard before the groond woz there!

"SING IN THE LIVIN' ROOM!"

Then up a staircase to the back of the stand where yoo get a great view of the washin' on some old wifeys clothes lines in the back gardens, where aa spotted some pink knickers and old wifeys bloomer blowin in the wind amongst other items of clothing!

"SO THIS IZ WOT YOO CAALL 'SPORTS WASHING!"

In the stand it woz a case of 'try and find a seat with nee posts to obstruct your view', which proved impossible to dee az there were so many roof posts and a floodlight pylon to block your view! (Nee seat numbers and nee resorved seats this time!)

Anyway! enough of this dilapidated relic which haz hardly changed since we were last here some 30 years ago! (Mee first visit here woz actually way back in 1975- the groond iz in a time warp!)

If I remember correctleee??? Miggy had a great chance to open the scorin at the far end from us (Obstucted view of course!) Az did Callum Wilson, but it wasn’t to be!

Spot the floodlight pylon and the square hole cut into the roof to let it ‘sneak through’!                     BUT! if it rains though, yih gannih get very wet if your seat's there!"

Then it woz aall Lootin az they pressed for the opener!

This came (inevitably!) through an Andros Townsend heeder in the 25th minute (a former Toon player of course!) to put The Mad Hatters 1-0 up!

They pressed for a second goal and it nearly came soon after when Martin Dubravka's crossbar woz rattled with a great shot!--Luckily for us it bounced doon and the Toon goalie grabbed it before anymore damage could be done!

Another post in front of the left hand goal post to block wor view!

NUFC were out of sorts on wor travels again and aa couldnt help Finkin that King's Cross woz some kind of curse on us!?

WE manage to find the net through Isak late in the 2nd half but hiz goal woz ruled oot az hiz left hand woz fractionally offside!???

ISAK IN DARK BLUE AND YELLOW

Lootin had hit the bar at the other end again and we were lucky to lose by just the one goal margin!

Attendance: 11,042 (1,100 devastated  Toon fans!)

It woz then the train back to St Pancras station where a few customary 'drownin of the sorrows' gargels were had at nearby Betjamin Arms (the 3rd time we had done this here in less than a fortneet!) before catchin' the '8:00bells' train back yem from (wait for it!) KING'S CROSS!😧

Not much of a pub crawl this time! 3 inc Bethune Arms

Just The Barrel Vaults at KX and The Bricklayers boozer in Lootin (and of course The Betjamen Arms!)

PS: Mad Hatters an explanation

Lootin’s nickname iz The Hatters!

THE MAD HATTERS v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '6:00 am bells' Saturday 23rd Decembaa 2024

Somewhere in a hoose above the away end! (below!)

it’s mad-hatters tea party time!  it’s no ‘oak!

*In aboot an hours time we are on a train to King's Cross (again) and then onwards to Loootin! 

it’s a very lang time since we last visited this groond, which the away fans must enter through somebody’s doon stairs passage!

It’s a dump for certain az iz the toon centre BUT it won’t be an easy place to get a result!

After visiting The San Siro Milan, Dortmund and PSG, this place will send yoo crashing back doon to Earth in complete contrast!

Honestly Gatesheed Stadium iz 10 times better (and bigger!) az Kenilworth Road iz more like Whitley Bay’s groond or Blyth Spartan’s in comparison!

The fact that they have went from non Leegue to The Premyaa Leegue in a few short years iz a fackin miracle!

Anyway! we really must get sommik oot of the game az defeat iz unFinkable!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Xmas Eve!  Let’s hope it iz indeed a happy Xmas!? 🎄 

*

Chelseee 1. The Toon 1 (Chelseee win 4-2 on pens) Leegue Cup qwaataa Final

 Posted '4:10pm bell🛎️'s Wedinzday 20th Decembaa 2023

“STOPPAGE TIME SICKNESS 🤧 STRIKES AGAIN!”

Followin on from the heartbreak stoppage time 'penalty'? equaliser in Paris the other week, which ultimately cost us a place in The Champions Leegue knockout stage, it happened again in west London, when the normally reliable, but tired lookin Kieron Trippier, played a weak heeder to Chelsee’z Mudryk and he said “thank you very much” az he fired the baall home to level the score in the 92nd minute,after Callum Wilson had given us the lead in the 16th minute! 

NUFC were just 2 minutes away from a famous victory and a place in the semi finals! (A sickener for certain!)

Penalty kicks were then taken at ‘wor end’, but it did nee good az both Trippier and Ritchie failed to score, az we lost 4-2, to break the hearts of the 4,300 Toon fans, who were in both the lower and upper seats of The Shed End! (Wilson and Bruno scored wor 2 goals)

It started off well az we kicked towards the far goal and within 16 minutes we were in front when Callum Wilson raced through their defence and hit a sweet shot into the far corner of the net to send the packed away end at the opposite end of the pitch crazy!

For most of the rest of the game it woz ‘backs to the waall stuff’ az Chelseee peppered wor goal!

Indeed in the 2nd half it woz aall 'them' az the Toon foot soldiers battled away to stop the onslaught!—and then THAT misstayk by Trippier, who looked absolutleee nackered! (He needs a rest, like most of wor players!)

We must dust worselz doon and gan again at Lutin on Saturday in wot seems like a game every 3 days at the moment! (26 games played so far and it isnt even Xmas!)

Attendance: 38,058 (4,300 stunned Toon fans!)

*NUFCs penalty shootout record iz truly abysmal! Just 3 wins oot of 12 since 1970

Magical Mystery Pub Crawl Tour 2023-2024 (3 boozers visited)

Betjamin Arms St Pancras. London

Duke on the Green. parsons Green. London

The Goose. Fulham. London

The Chelseee OAPs v The Toon —-tooneeet!

 Posted 12:33pm 🔔 bells on the train to KX London Tuesday 19th Decembaa 2023

Wor  qwaataa final tie in the Leegue Cup takes place at Stamford Bridge and NUFC will have the backin of 4,600?in ‘The Shed’ at ‘8:00 bells tooneeet for a place in the 2legged semi final!

Havvint got a clue wot team Steady Eddie will pick with aall wor injuries?🤔

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Wedinzday!

THE TOON 3. THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE 0 —- Premyaa Leegue 2023-2024

 Posted ‘5:20pm 🔔 bells’ Munday 17th Decembaa 2023 (2 days late, but this IZ The Geordie Times, wot did yoo expect???🤔)

PINK SKY AT NIGHT!---GEORDIE DELIGHT! (But wot are aall those white dots? (Look closely!) 👽Aliens perhaps?👽

“I’d walk a million Miley’s for one of your smileys !”

It woz built up to be a tough game az Fulim had won their last 2 home games 5-0, while we had lost 3 in a row!

However! we shouldn’t have worried az we were on the front foot from the word go az we attacked The Leazes goal in the first half!

The sequence of events were az follows!

14th minute Schar gans doon holdin his leg and haz to be replaced by Krafth

22nd minute: Fulims Jimenez does a kung foo kick on Sean Longstaff andcrecieves a yellow card!

Surely a red I thought?— a VAR check confirms this and after lookin at the pitch side monitor the ref pull oot a red instead!

36th minute: Joelinton gans doon with wot looks like a hamstring injury and iz replaced by Lewis Miley! (Oh no!- not another one to add to the crocks list!)

despite playin 10 men we just couldn’t make the breakthrough az chance after chance went a beggin and somehow it woz still nil-nil at the break!

Crowd celebrate Lewis’s goal

57th minute: The breakthrough finally came at The Gallowgate End, when Bruno weaved through the Fulim defence to thread the baall through to Lewis Miley and he made née misstayk az he shot across the box! At 17years and 200 days the youngest player to score for NUFC in a Premyaa Leegue game!  The huge smile on his face said it aall! Smiley Miley celebrated wildly (sic!) (1-0 to us!)

Smiley Miley! 🤪😀😃

64th minute: Callum Wilson iz clattered in the box, ref waits, baall falls nicely to Almiron who hits his shot into an unguarded net! (Good decision by the ref not to immediately blow for a penalty)   (2-0 to us)

82nd minute: Dan Burn 🔥 bundles the baall ower the goal line after hiz initial heeder woz blocked by Fulim goalie Leno (3-0 to us)

The win lifted us back up to 6th place and within touchin distance of a Champions Leegue place!

Attendance: 52,035 (1,400 or so Cottage Pies!) ( Fulim play at Craven Cottage!—-get it!???🤔)

The aliens have landed! (see top photo) “Take me to your leader!—-Whey aye man!”

THE TOON v THE FULIM COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE**** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 16th Decembaa 2023

LAST SEASON WE WON 1-0 WITH ISAK SCORIN A LAST MINUTE HEEDER AZ HAPPY FANS MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE NEAREST BOOZER! 

(WELL 'ME' AT LEAST!)

Well! we are back doon the orth with a bump, after the disappointment of Wedinzday neet when we exited The Champions Leegue group stage v AC Milan!

Unglamorous Fulim are wor opponents in this Premyaa Leegue clash at SJP but it iz sure to be a hard game az The Cottage Pie Brigade are on a canny run at the moment, winnin their last 2 home games by 5-0 v Forest and West 'am----unlike us who have now lost wor last 3 games!

Anthony Gordon iz a doubt, but Dan Burn iz OK!---The really bad news iz that Kieron Trippier iz suspended havin picked up hiz 5th bookin' at Sporz last Sunday! 

A win would lift us back up into 6th place and anly 4 points off a Champions Leegue place!

Updated Sun ☀️ day mornin

The Geordie Times match report won’t appear here til Munday az I’m a bit dodgy with a virus! 🦠 (nowt to dee with the post match celebratory gargels 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 by the way, in the 3-0 win!

GEORDIE TIMES smb TICKETS NEWSFLASH!

 Posted ‘5:15pm bells’ Friday 25th Decembaa 2023

“I  ‘ATE YOU mackems!”

BUT THERE’S A CATCH! ⬇️

WELL DONE NUFC 6,000 IZ MUCH BETTER THAN 2,500---LOWER TIER AZ WELL!

THE TOON 1 AC MILAN 2 *** CHAMPIONS LEEGUE GROUP STAGE 'F' (119th competitive European game 'in a row' home and away)

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Thorzday 14th Decembaa 2023

FROM REAL MADRID TO AZABIIJAN TO LUTON TOWN!

A neet when we could qualify for the knockoot stage of The Champions Leegue or Europa Leegue ended with just trips to the likes of Luton Town to look forward tee, instead of Real Madrid or Azerbaijan!

It started off well when Joelinton hit a screamer into the Leazes net from a Lewis Miley pass in the 33rd minute to send the crowd into ecstasy!----With Dortmund and PSG goalless at this stage, we moved up to 2nd in the Group 'F' table, which would qualify for the knockoot stage----That's the way it woz at half time and dream trips to the likes of Real Madrid were on the cards!

TOON FANS CELEBRATE JOELINTON'S GOAL!

51st minute: News that Dortmund had taken the lead in Jawmany filtered through and the dream woz defiantly on!

56th minute: PSG equalised, but we still had 2nd place in the table at this point!

59th minute: Pulisic then put a spanner in the works when he equalised from 5 yards oot for Milan, after a deflection ofa nother Milan player!----At this point we moved doon to 3rd place in the table, with horrendous trips to Azabiijan a real possibility in The Europa Leegue! (God forbid!)

70th minute: Bruno nearly restored wor lead with a blisterin shot at The Gallowgate End, but Milan's goalie somehow tipped the baall onto the bar az ah held mee heed in mee hands!

84th minute: Even The Europa Leegue woz taken away when we went 2-1 doon when Milan raced doon the pitch with 4 on 3 after a Schar misstayk and Chuckwueze hit a banana shot past Dubravka in The Toon goal!----At this point we moved doon to 4th place and oot of Europe aaltogether, with just trips to the likes of Luton Town to look 'forward'? tee! (Dortmund v PSG woz still 1-1)

92nd minute: Desperate measures were then taken when goalie Dubravka raced up the pitch when we got a corner, but failed to make contact with the baall, which went loose to a Milan player who (and with the empty goal at hiz mercy) hit a shot from 40 yards towards the goal, but it went wide of the goal line to keep the score at 2-1 to them!

94th minute: The final whistle came---and goodbye to Europe!

Injuries and the unjust penalty against PSG in Paris finally killed wor dreams!

"Luton!--Luton!---here we come!" (Just before Xmas!)

Attendance: 52,037 (1,500 AC Milan fans)

*

  

THE TOON v AC MILAN *** CHAMPIONS LEEGUE *** TOONEET!

 Posted '2:11pm bells' Wedinzday 13th Decembaa 2023

THE FORST GAME AT THE SAN SIRO ENDED 0-0

We play wor final Champions Leegue group stage game tooneet at '8:00 bells' at SJP and this iz the biggest game that we have played for many a year!

It iz sure to be a night to remember one way or the other!

Wor injury depleted squad includes TWO goalies, so Loris Karius iz set to make hiz 2nd appearance for us----The forst one bein' The Leegue Cup final at Wembley last season! (Thats assumin Martin Debravka iz ruled oot!)

The best and worst case scenarios are az follows: 

IF NUFC win and PSG lose or draw in Dortmund then we will gan into the knockoot stage!

IF NUFC win and PSG win then we will be demoted to The Europa Leegue

IF NUFC draw then it doesn't matter wot PSG dee, we will be demoted to The Europa Leegue!

IF Milan win then we will be oot of Europe aaltogether (Like Moan U last neet!)

And these are wor possible opponents should we be in The Champions Leegue or Europa Leegue!

Put it this way! We’ve got 3 choices—-We can gan into the next stage of The Champions Leegue, The Europa Leegue or not gan anywhere at aall!

'Wor Flags' have got a new display and we cannit wait to see wot it will be like----There's one thing for certain---we MUST give the team 100% backin' at a packed SJP!

AC Milan have anly sold 1,500 of their 3,000 allocation!

"SUPPORT THE TOON!"---"IT'S YOUR DUTY!"

SPORZ 4 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted '1:34pm bells' Munday 11th Decembaa 2023

Updated from '1:00pm bells' Tuezday

"DISASTER DAY NUMBER 97!"

*Forst of aall apologeeez for not puttin the Sporz match report online yet!  This iz because anything that could have gone wrang DID gan wrang in this ‘Disaster Days’ storyline!

Aa didint get back from Sporz til '5:00 bells' this mornin' and have just got up to gan to work in an hours time!

Huge train delays and cancellations and 2 lang taxi rides costin a total of an eye waterin £305! just to get TO and back FROM London were just part of this day, that went wrang very big style!

And of course the main event ended in a 4-1 hammerin' at Sporz to make a day of misery complete!

Because aa havvint got much time before aa gan to work, this report will now not appear til sometime tomorrow---and beleeeve yoo me it iz SOME REPORT!

Az per usual "Watch this space intentleeee!"

"TRAIN TRAUMA!" 🚂💩

The forst inclin' that anything woz wrang woz when aa got a text message off 'Big Al' (NOT the sheet metal workers son!) at '5:28am bells' that wor train to King's Cross at '8:00 bells woz cancelled!

On arrival at 'The Central' (Toon train station) we saw that nee trains were gannin forthaa south than Grantham (aboot half way) because the owerheed power lines had been damaged between Gratham and Peterborough and that replacement busses would take us between the 2 stations and then the train onward to London!

We managed to get on the '8:30 bells' train, but knew that there would be massive problems at Grantham az they said on the train intercom that there were a 'limited' number of busses to pick us up!---That meant thats loads would try to get taxis to Peterborough!

We decided to get off at Newark instead (the stop before) and get a taxi to Peterborough from there!--There were 5 of us and we negotiated a fare of £125 with the taxi driver! (£25 each)

We arrived at Peterbourough and caught the forst train we could to King's Cross'!  A tube and overland train to Tottenham Hale woz taken and we heeded straight for 'The Redemption' a bar in the middle of an industrial estate not far from the groond! (It had taken an extra hour and a half to get there than it should have!)

After shovellin a few 'liquid lubrications' doon wor necks it woz time to heed for the tornstiles, where anothaa depleted team took the field!

We could see that there were quite a few empty seats, empty coz quite a few on later trains 'gave up' tryin to get there!

Az expected we started off with wor back to the wall az Sporz pounded wor goal at the end that The Toon fans were in! (Thats those who managed to get there!) 

The goal sequences were az follows 

26th minute: Sporz took the lead through Odogie who woz unmarked and he had the easy chance of puttin the baall past Dubravka from a Son pass

38th minute: Richalison doubled their lead after Spoz missed several chances---another easy goal for the home side!

We looked absolutleee knackered by this stage az fatique set in and were were very fortunate to gan in at the break just 2 goals doon! 

60th minute:  Richalison scored hiz 2nd az Dubravka looked oot of place. He had another easy chance to put the game to bed!

85minute: Son iz pulled doon in the box by Dubravka and the ref gives the penalty after a VAR check!---Son took it to put Sporz 4-0 up!

91st minute: Joelinton got a consolation goal from a Wilson pass to send those Toon fans who stayed til the bitter end into wild celebrations, with top off and Toon shirts waved in the air!? (We ARE crazy---ARNT WE!

61,171 (Far less than the 3,000 tickets sold for the away end)

With nee idea if the trains were runnin back up the East Coast Line, we heeded back to King's Cross to find that aall train were CANCELLED! (How would we get back now, aa thought?)

Well, after a quick gargel  in The Betjamin Arms near Euston station we caught a train to Manchester---and the another to York----and then it woz a very expensive £180 taxi fare back to Tyneside, arrivin back at '5:00am bells'! (The driver wanted £240, but we haggled the lower price!----Thats £305 in total for taxi fares to witness a 4-1 defeat!---Are we MENTAL?---or are we MAD??

AWAY TICKET FIASCO !

I hord aboot a Toon fan in London who had 4 tickets for mates in The Toon. Their train woz cancelled and they couldn’t get there and gave up!

So the lad in London now had 4 spares but couldn’t pass them on to London based Mags, in the fear of a spot check to prove their identity-/-and ultimately the lads stuck home would lose AALL their loyalty points!   That’s just one case!

It’s pure madness that yoo can’t pass spare tickets on to those who are desperate to gan!🥶