Thursday, 30 April 2020

'THE FAT CONTROLLER' TELLS MORE LIES THAN DONALD TRUMP!

Posted '2:22am bells' Wednizday "er!" Thorsday 30th April 2020


FROM 'THE JAWNIL' *** FRIDAY 25th MAY 2007
"FAKE NEWS OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!"

*
"NOTHING FAKE ABOOT THIS PREDICTION!"



Wednesday, 29 April 2020

PROJECT RESTART RESERVATIONS!

Posted '12:22pm bells' Tuesday 29th April 2020
EMPTY SEATS AT A RESORVE GAME AT ST. JAMES' PARK!

*The Premyaa Leegue are havin a meetin on Friday (by video) in a desperate bid to restart the season in the middle of Joon and the plan iz to finish the 92 games to be played by the end of July!

The games (its said) will be played on neutral groonds and Twickenham Rugby Stadium haz been mentioned, az well az Ing'land's St George's Park trainin complex and Sporz new abode!

However!---many teams are unhappy aboot givin' up home advantage, even though the groonds will be empty apart from 300 staff, tv crews etc. needed to stage the games!

FIFA have stepped in and said that nee games should be considered til September at the orliest--and UEFA have given European leegue til May 25th to come up with a plan to complete the season!

Holland and France have both admitted defeat and have voided their seasons aalready, while Scotland are expected to dee the same! 
Jawmany's cash strapped Bundesliga are desperate to restart next month, but it could by blocked by Jawman chancellor Angela Merkel!

It aall boils doon to TV money at the end of the day of course--and the thought of havin to watch 'The Toon' live in mee own livin room, in front of 52,000 empty seats, fills me with dread!

Will the season be completed?---who knows?---who cares? when there are still hundreds of people dying every single day!

It will be a logistical nightmare and should just ONE player get 'the bat out of hell' virus, then the whole thing will unravel for certain!

A better idea would be to end the season now and continue in September, like FIFA says, when hopefully the crisis iz ower!----and finish the season in November---have the winter break in December---and play the next season from January 2021 til say October 2021 (With a break for the rescheduled European Championships in Joon)

Then h
ave 2 months off from November and December---And then anothaa season exclusively in 2022, with The World Cup in Qatar at the end of that year!

We shall soon find oot wot exactly WILL happen!---


*


*

Monday, 27 April 2020

Flashback 119 years!***THE TOON 1 THE LIVERBIRDS 0 *** NOVEMBER 1901

Posted '2:12 bells' Tuesday 28th April 2020
THE 1st WEST STAND AT ST.JAMES' PARK
BUILT DURIN'  THE REIGN OF QUEEN VICTORIA IN 1897

The action below iz from a 1st Division game in 1901 when NUFC played The Liverbirds at St. James' Park!
This iz believed to be the forst ever game where an NUFC game woz filmed. The game woz played in the same year that Queen Victoria died!
In those days the goalkeepers wore the same strips az the outfield players!  The Toon's goalie woz M. Kingsley (below, takin goal kick)
NUFC GOALIE M. KINGSLEY TAKES A GOAL KICK
TOWARDS THE LEAZES END

The pictures are grainy az you'd expect, but it shows the forst ever West Stand which woz built in 1897 (to the left) and demolished in 1905!  
Yoo can clearly see Leazes Terrace in the backgroond (Where The East Stand iz now!) and St. James' Street to the right---where the groond got its name from! (Below)





The crowd numbered 18,000---not bad for the time and McColl got wor goal to win the game 1-0----But unfortunately the cameras missed the goal!

See videos below for match action of the game
   
  


   


 

*

"OH WHY ARE WE WAITING?---OH WHY?---OH WHY?"

Posted '2:22pm bells' Munday 27th April 2020
Some Toon fans have aalready decided the takeower outcome!
Let's hope (and pray!) that they are reet!?πŸ™

The saga of NUFCs latest takeower haz been gannin on for more than a month now!
The question is!---How the hell does it take so lang to pass the owner and fit persons test?
They say that there's a 500 page document to get through, so even if yoo just read 20 pages a day, then surely a month is lang enough to make a decision, one way or the othaa!

Of course we have Anmisty International and several othaa group tryin to uptorn the apple cart, but even so, surely a decision shud have been reached by now?

Speculation just who will be wor new manager and new players comin' in , is exactly that!  Aa meeen, just how do they know, when nebody else does!?

It's just like when will the 'bat out of hell's pandemic end---and in my case, just when will I be allowed to gan back to graft after ower a month, with nee pubs or futbaall to gan tee eethaa, are cases of the unknown!

Hopefully, we will find sommik oot this week aboot the takeower at least!

Fingers(and toes) crossed for a favourable ootcome!

Saturday, 25 April 2020

THE NEVAA ENDIN' NUFC ROLLERCOASTER RIDE!

Posted '6:40pm bells' Saturday 25th April 2020

*Bein' an NUFC fan for seven decades now (1960s to 2020s), there have certainly been more 'lows' than 'highs' in that time! 
In my case, we won The Inter Cities Fairs Cup in 1969 which woz an aall time 'high'----and then we were brought back doon to orth, losin at that non leegue side beginning with the letter 'H' from near Wales in 1972, which woz an all time 'low' for me! (I can't even bring meesel to print their name!) 

And then anothaa 'high' in 1974 when we beat Bornley at Hillsborough to reach the FA Cup final!----followed by anothaa 'low' when we lost 3-0 to The Liverbirds in the final at Wembley!

This woz followed by anothaa 2 'lows' in 1975 when we lost to both Chester and Walsaall in Cup competitions!
And then anothaa 'high' when we beat Sporz in 1976 to reach The Leegue Cup final----to be followed again by a 'low' after losin to Man City in the final!

1978 woz anothaa 'low' with record 'low' gates of under 10,000, fences, the roof removed from The Leazes End and relegation to Division Two (now The Championship) plus a dire 4-1 defeat to lowly Wrexham in the FA Cup!
Anothaa 'low' in 1981 when we travelled to the othaa St. James Park and exited the FA Cup with a humiliatin' 4-0 loss to EXITer!

Promotion back to the top flight in 1984 with King Kev az a player woz a 'high' followed by relegation again in 1989---yet anothaa 'low'

King Kev led us back to the promised land az manager in 1993 to record anothaa 'high'----and then we hoyed a 12 point lead away when it looked certain we would win the Premyaa Leegue for anothaa 'low' in 1996

2 losses in the 1998 and 1999 FA Cup finals meant anothaa '2 lows' were added to the list!

And then in 2007 we wrongly thought that a 'high' point had been reached when a Billionaire known now az 'The Fat Controller' bought the club and we aall thought he would 'bank-roll' us back to the very top of the tree!

However!---we were soond to find oot that this woz a 'false dawn' and 2 more 'lows' followed under hiz lack of leadership because he wouldn't spend the money to make us great again, appointin' ridiculous managers like Joke Kinnear etc. and we were relegated in 2009 and 2016 (Followed by 2 'highs' of promotion at the 1st attempts!)

Finally! in 2020--aftaa several relegation battles and failed attempts to sell the club, it might finally happen when a mega rich Saudi Prince torned up! (Alang with a lass caalled Amanda and the Reuben bruvvaz!)

However!---the deal iz still to gan through aftaa several parties have tried to hoy several spanners into the works to derail the takeower, which haz been painfully slow! (Just to make it worse!)

We shall hopefully find oot within the next week if we are on an aall time 'high' at the top of the rollercaster, with a new very (VERY!) wealthy owner----OR! at a new 'low' at the very bottom of the ride, if the deal iz scuppered!

We can anly hope and pray that the deal DOES gan through and that we can get wor pride back aftaa 13 years of mediocracy and  misery under wor present absent owner!πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™

WOTFAAD WOE!

Posted '2:40pm bells' Saturday 25th April 2020
"The 'dog' on the Tyne iz aall mine--aall mine!---the 'dog' on the Tyne iz aall mine!"

At this exact time I should be 'drinkin up' and heedin for Wotfaad's groond for a Premyaa Leegue game!

Instead I am on the banks o the Tyne 'drinkin up' with mee bottle of 'DOG' and mee little dog caalled BrewDog! (Wot else!?)

*DOG is Geordie slang for Newcasil Broon Ale!

SPORTSWASHING GEORDIE STYLE!

Posted 'bells' Saturday 25th April 2020

Much haz been said aboot the proposed NUFC takeower and the word 'sportswashing'---with many Toon fans askin 'The Geordie Times' exactly what the word 'sportswashing' meeenz?
Well!---pleeze take a look at the picture below for an explanation! 
"NOW THAT'S WOT YOO CAALL 'SPORTSWASHING'!

*

Friday, 24 April 2020

LIFE IN LOCKDOON!

🍺Posted '2:30 pm bells' Friday 24th April 2020🍻

It is now nearly SEVEN weeks since NUFC kicked a baall in anger (48 days!) and FIVE weeks to the day since Boris shut the boozers because of the 'bat out of hell' pandemic! 
🍺🍺🍺(That's 35 days!)
I'm not sayin' that I'm sufferin' from severe withdrawal symptoms because of the lockdoon---BUT!

Repeat after mee!
"I-am-NOT-a-plonky!"
"I-am-NOT-a-plonky!"
"I-am-NOT-a-plonky!"
"I-am-NOT-a-plonky!"
"I-am-NOT-a-plonky!"
To keep me sane I've taken up landscape gardening!
(ROOT beer of course!)




MORE SPANNERS INTO THE WORKS***MORE HYPOCRISY!

Posted '5:13pm bells' Friday 24th April 2020

THE 'GET's CAALLED BETTS!
"It's OK by me as a Sheffield MP,  for Sheffield United to be owned by a Saudi prince---but NOT Newcastle United!"

Yet anothaa spanner has been hoyed into the works---this time from Sheffield south Labour MP Clive Betts! 
He's demanded that the government intervenes in the NUFC takeower by a Saudi prince!
Did he intervene when his local club Sheffeeeld United were taken ower by a (wait for it!) ----SAUDI PRINCE!???

The answer to the question is: NO HE DIDN'T!!!

MORE HYPOCRISY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!

Thursday, 23 April 2020

HAVE YOO SEEN 'THIS'!---HYPOCRISY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!

Posted '2:30pm bells' St.George's Day 2020
Updated '7:30pm bells'

Surely the Premyaa Leegue can't reject wor takeower now!

How come Amnesty International, Qater TV and Richard 'Weaze Keys' (plus many, many more!) HAVVINT slagged Man U off because they have Saudi Arabia partners????

A case of one rule for THEM!
And one rule for US!

Like I say: "NO ONE LIKES US!---IT'S NOT FAIR!"  

OH!---AND 'THIS' FROM ANOTHAA 'UNITED'!
Did Amnesty International etc. try to stop the takeower when a Saudi prince bought Sheff U ????


Wednesday, 22 April 2020

"ITS ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOO TO DRINK!"

Posted '1:11pm bells' Wedinzday 22nd April 2020

News that amnesty international and a Qater tv company are tryin to block the takeower of NUFC iz now worldwide news!

It's unreal that az soon az we get a very rich buyer who iz gannin to make us great again, then 2 spanners are hoyed into the works to try and stop the deal gannin through!


Sheffeeeld United were bought by a rich Saudi and nowt iz said!
Man City are owned by a very rich Arab and nowt iz said!
Man U have Saudi Arabia partners and nowt said!

Yet when we try to do it, we are condemned and vilified.

Iz it just me? who 'finks' that no one likes us and that they will de ANYTHIN' to put us doon and try and stop the biggest takeower in futbaall history?

We can anly hope that the Premyaa Leegue are NOT influenced by outsiders and let the takeower gan through!

Its said a decision will be forthcomin within 3 weeks!


That's 3 weeks of nail biting, hair pullin' and daily exercise to the nearest 'off licence' to buy crates of broon ale and cans to keep us permanently comotosed!

"NO ONE LIKES US!---
IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Update: The Premyaa Leegue have replied to a letter sent by amnesty international and have said that neethaa they OR the government will intervene in the takeower!
That leaves the Qater TV company who broadcast Premyaa Leegue games owerseas az the last hurdle to overcome in the 'Fit and Propaa Persons test'! (Qater and next door neighbours Saudi Arabia are sworn enemies!)


Updated 10:40pm bells: Another spanner hoyed into the works! *

Tuesday, 21 April 2020

GROUNDHOPPERS ARCHIVE *** THE VICTORIA PLEASURE GROUNDS 1994 *** "TEN-NIL TO THE GEORDIE BOYS!"

Posted '1:53pm bells' Tuesday 21st April 2020

With nee  top flight futbaall for 6 weeks now--and with the lockdoon to continue for the next 3 weeks at least, av got 'time on mee hands' to add new archive match reports to mee never endin list!

This iz anothaa 'second string' game, this time against Goole Town 26 years ago, when NUFC won by a double figure score in this pre season fixture in the summer of '94'! (see below) 

PS: I picked the Goole game at random and amazingly they have the same nickname az Widnes RLFC---the last Geordie Times match report I did a few days ago!
They are both caalled 'The Vikings'!

120 victoria pleasure grounds goole


(GROUND NUMBER 120)

Date of First Visit: 10th AUGUST 1994

THE VICTORIA PLEASURE GROUNDS, GOOLE


GOOLE TOWN 0  
NEWCASTLE UNITED XI 10 (Alex Mathie 5, Richie Appleby 2, Jeffrey, Papavasiliou, Stewie Elliott (pen)


FRIENDLY FIXTURE---ATTENDANCE 400 (Quite a few Man U fans!)



"WHO'S DROPPED A 'GOOLIE'------THEN !?"

A HUGE 'ERECTION' AT THE VICTORIA 'PLEASURE' GROUNDS!


Meesel, The Undertaker, Mark from Morpeth and Glen from Ashington travelled doon for this one, and wih parked up in the docks area of Goole for a few gargels before the match.

The forst booza wih waalked in tee just stopped what they were deein' az wih sauntered through the door!. Yih would'iv thought that that wi'd waalked intih somebody's hoose uninvited, such were the black looks wih got!

A beer gutted bearded gadgie dressed in his oily work gear was playin' darts and he stopped in his tracks tih  eyebaall us across the smoked filled room, just az he was aboot tih hoy his thord 'arra' intih the board!.

At forst ah thought he was gannih 'change direction' and hoy it at US!, BUT!--- he had a 'change of heart' and hit the treble ONE! instead!  (Jocky Wilson he was'nt!---stick tih the dockers day job, mate!)



When they realised that we wornt from the 'Inland Revenue' or the 'Benefit Cheats Investigation Team' we were 'accepted' intih 'the fold' and sorved with fower throthy pints of 'Goole's Finest' (or whatever it was caalled!?)

Wih decided not tih stop for another one after wi'd finished (just in case!) and heeded for an even rougher looker booza alang the alley. (wi'll neva lorn wor lesson---will wee!?)

This one was a little more 'friendly' (neebody waz playin' darts!) so wih stopped for a couple and then heeded for the groond.





"THERE'S ANLY ONE YIHNITED!"



When wih reached the tornstiles wih could'nt believe just how many fans were wearin' Yihnited tops-----NAA!---a'm NOT! taalkin' aboot Newcasel Yihnited---a'm taalkin' abooot F****** Man Yihnited!

But what the hell were they deein' there??----WHY?, had 'the gloryhunters' come tih watch Goole against a Toon XI ???

The answer was simple!-----Apparently!---the local 'rag', 'The Goole Gazzette' (or whatever it waz caalled!?) had reported that Goole Town were playin' MANCHESTER Yihnited! and NOT US!

Hence, the hundred or so 'Humberside Hangers on', appearance at the groond!

(Because of this 'clanger', it's nuw been remamed 'The Goolie Gazzette'!) (honest!)

The disappointment on their little (and large!) faces when they foond oot the truth, az they watched the teams waamin' up before the start, said it aall!!

(Ha!-Ha!-Ha!---sorves them F*****' reet!) ('One-nowt' tih the Toon aalready!)



Actually there were quite a few dressed in the 'black 'n' white' of the Toon iz well!, and they were treated to a 'ten goal rout' az the Toon XI completely ootplayed their hosts with Alex Mathie gettin' five of them in the process! (Aalthough!---just WHAT! 'pleasure' 'Victoria' got from this, iz anybodys guess!) (work it oot!)

The goal sequences were az follows: (deep breath!)
1st goal: Richie Appleby 7th minute
2nd goal: Alex Mathie 8th minute
3rd goal: Jeffrey 20th minute
4th, 5th, 6th & 7th goals: Alex Mathie 52nd minute,  then 67th minute for hiz 'hat-trick', 69th minute and 76th minute for hiz FIFTH goal of the game!
8th goal: Richie Appleby, 85th minute
9th goal: Papavasiliou ?? minute
10th goal: And finally Stewie Elliott completed the rout with a late penalty and the 10th goal of the game!


One very odd lookin' buildin' in the distance which ah took tih be some kind of waata tower?, struck a canny resemblance to a VERY large erect p****!, (with NEE 'GOOLIES'!)(see photo tih mek yih aan minds up!) and this just aboot summed up the Goole Town players attitude! (ie: they had nee b****s! for this game!)



After the match wih heeded back alang the 'M62', singin' Alex Mathie's praises---

---Aaltogether nuw!:

ALEX, NOT ALEC!


"Alex Mathie!---Alex Mathie!---Alex!-Alex Mathie!"

"He scores the goals that makes us happy!"

"ALEX-ALEX MATHIE!"     

  




Monday, 20 April 2020

NUFC HISTORY OF AWAY GROUNDS VISITED *** 1892-2020 (1st team competitive games only)

NUFC AWAY GROUNDS HISTORY 'A' to 'Z'

Az I have got nowt better to dee in the lockdoon, I'v decided to see just how many groonds NUFC have played on in the last 128 years!
I am busy compiling a list of aall the groonds for 1st team competitive games, since the amalgamation of Newcastle East End and Newcastle West End in 1892

Teams beginnin' with the letter 'A' (Year of  first visits only)
Geordie Times first visits in brackets (ie: GT 2010)
STADIO SAN NICOLA, AS BARI, 1992 
(THE FLYING SAUCER STADIUM!) 










Letter 'A'
001: Aberdeen, Pittodrie, 1974
002: Accrington Stanley, Crown Ground, 2010 (GT 2010)
003: ACF Fiorentina, Stadio Artemio Franchi, 1973
004: AFC Bournemouth, Dean Court,1963 (GT 1989)
005: Ardwick (Manchester City), Hyde Road 1893
006: Arsenal (Woolwich), Manor Field, 1893
007: Arsenal, Arsenal Stadium (Highbury), 1919  (GT 1968)
008: Arsenal, Emirates Stadium, 2006 (GT 2006)
009: AS Bari, Stadio San Nicola, Italy, 1992 (GT 1992)
010: AS Lucchese Libertas, Italy, 1992 (GT 1992)
011: AS Roma, Stadio Olimpico, Italy, 1973 (GT 1999)
012: Aston Villa, Wellington Road, 1895

013: Aston Villa, Villa Park, 1898 (GT 1984)
014: Athletic Bilbao, Estadio San Mames, Spain, 1994 (GT 1994)
015: Atromitos Athens, Peristeri Stadium, Greece, 2012 (GT 2012)
016: Ayr United, Somerton Park, 1972 (GT 2001) (GT 200th ground)
017: AZ Alkmaar, DSB Stadion, Belgium, 2007 (GT 2007)
(Geordie Times: 12 oot of 17 visited)

Letter 'B'
018: Barcelona, Nou Camp, Spain, 1997 (GT 1997)
019: Barnsley, Oakwell, 1935 (GT 1981)
020: Bastia, Stade Armand Cesare Feriani, 1977
021: Bayer Leverkusen, BayArena Stadion, 2003 (GT 2003)
022: Birmingham City (Small Heath), Mutz Street, 1893
023: Birmingham City, St. Andrews, 1906 (GT 1974)
024: Blackburn Rovers, Ewood Park, 1898 (GT 1982)
025: Blackpool, Bloomfield Road, 1897 (GT 1971)
026: Bohemians, Dalymount Park, Ireland, 1977 (GT 1998)
027: Bolton Wanderers, Burnden Park, 1899, (GT 1976)
028: Bolton Wanderers, Reebok Stadium, 1997 (GT 1997)
029: Bradford City, Valley Parade, 1909 (GT 1984)
030: Bradford City, Odsal Stadium, 1986 (GT 1986)
031: Bradford Park Avenue, Park Avenue, 1914
032: Brentford, Griffin Park, 1935 (GT 1992)
033: Brighton & Hove Albion, Goldstone Ground, 1962 (GT 1978)
034: Brighton & Hove Albion, AMEX Stadium, 2012 (GT 2012)
035: Bristol City, Ashton Gate, 1906 (GT 1990)
036: Bristol Rovers, Eastville, 1951 (GT 1978)
037: Bristol Rovers, Twerton Park, 1990 (GT 1990)
038: Burnley, Turf Moor, 1897 (GT 1974)
039: (Burslem) Port Vale, Athletic Ground, 1894
040: (Burslem) Port Vale, Vale Park, 1894 (GT 1990)
041: Burton Albion, Pirelli Stadium, 2016 (GT 2016)
042: Burton Swifts, Peel Croft, 1893 
043: Burton Wanderers, Derby Turn, 1895 (9-0 record defeat!)
044: Bury, Gigg Lane, 1894 (GT 1996 (Man U res v NUFC res)
(Geordie Times 21 oot of 27--runnin total 33 oot of 44) Letter 'C' to follow---when aa can be bothered!

 
  

WOT THE PAPERS SAY!

Posted '5:55pm bells' Munday 20th April 2020

Exactly one month to the day, Boris ordered AALL drinkin dens to close for the foreseeable future!
The Sun reckons that they will be shut til Xmas (God forbid!)

Former Toon midfielder and Charlton manager Lee Bowyer says the lower leegues might not finish, as it's pointless to play games behind closed doors with nee income comin through the tornstiles!

He makes sense!----So surely The Premyaa Leegue will be in the same boat, if an antidote isnt foond very soon!
Aa meen!--- just how do yoo isolate 20 squads with 20 players in each squad for SIX weeks? (thats 400 players plus managers, match officials, trainers, doctors and physios----makin aboot 500 in total!
It would just take ONE player from ONE squad to put a spanner in the works by catchin' 'the bat out of hell' virus and f*** it up!







Sunday, 19 April 2020

2 NORTH EAST CLUBS Γ‡HASE VIDAL!

Posted '6:00pm bells' Sunday 19th April 2020



The Geordie Times haz hord some sensational news that NUFC are after Barcelona star and highly rated central midfielder Arturo Vidal!


We understand that 'the mackems' are after Vidal az well!

GREAT EXPECTATIONS!

Posted '12:15am bells' Sunday 19th April 2020
Expectations amongst Toon fans have changed in an instant!

Spot the difference under 
The 'Fat Controller's
reign!!




















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