WHO SAYS BRUCE IZ COPYIN' TRUMP WITH FAKE NEWS?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 27th November 2020

"I CAN'T CHANGE US OVERNIGHT!"

*Wor manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' has been in the headlines for aall the wrang reasons, telling reporters that he can't understand fans unrest, despite bein' confronted by damnin news that we are the most boring team in the top flight, with the least shots on goal in the Premyaa Leegue  (less than 2.5 shots per game on average!)

Bruce's reaction to this woz: "Stats can do anything you wish!" And: "I never said Newcastle were entertaining!" (Yoo can say that again, Steve!)

The newspaper cutting from 'The Daylee Mirror' (below) sez Bruce iz in denial (like Trump!) when he states that "There will always be grumbles!" (From fans) and dismisses aall criticism of him (er! Just like Trump!)

But his best quote iz: "I can't change us overnight!"

By wor reckonin' Bruce has been in charge for 540 nights!

How many 'nights' does he want to change us???🌙

*Tooneet at '8:00 bells' we play Crisil Palliss at Selhurst Park and 'The Geordie Times' will be watchin' from afar on mee laptop, hopin that the picture doesnt freeze az haz happened previously, and hopin' that it DOES freeze if we put in anothaa unwatchable performance!

Top scorer Callum Wilson iz said to be fit again and raring to go, so let's hope he gets the service up front to give him a chance of scorin'?

Aalso, some more good news iz that  Jonjo Shelvey and Matt Richie are fit, so let's hope these dark nights don't produce a dark outcome!?🙏  

The bad news iz that wor best player Saint-Maximin haz picked up a knock and will miss oot!😨(Rumour haz it that Bruce woz gannin to drop him anyway!----Wot!---wor best player!?)

Wor percentages prediction therefore iz not so good and another 'park the bus' tactic by old 'Broken Nose' is more than likely!

"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!😴

We will be generous and say that we 'fink' that possession will be 75% to Palliss and 25% to NUFC and that we will have 3 shots on target from open play! (I'm an optimist!)

We reeely de need to pick worsels up after the 2 previous horror story shows v Sooothampton and Chelski!

Cristil Palliss arn't playin so well eethaa, so we've got a chance!🙏

Az previously mentioned we are are on a downward spiral and are doon to 15th in the table, which is wor lowest position of this dreadful season (so far!)

A full Geordie Times 'Laptophoppers' report will appear here sometime later--dependin on wor performance---like!