Posted '5:25pm bells' Saturday 22nd August 2020
"HADRIAN WILL NOT BE IMPRESSED!"
This woz mee forst live game since March (Toon away at Soothampton on the 6th and then Dunston away at Widnes on the 13th)
I travelled up to the northern outskirts of the Toon in 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer's 'jam jar'
The visitors from Heddon on the Wall (Hadrians wall) were totally outplayed in this game az WideOpen (yes! There is such a place!) dominated from start to finish!
To put it bluntly the Heddon defence woz 'wide open' as the appropriately named home side laid siege to the visitors goal. The Emperor Hadrian would not be impressed if he woz watchin from the clouds above!
WideOpen is to the north of Gosforth Park racecourse and their groond iz caalled Lockey Park and they play in the Northern Alliance 2nd division! Whereaz Heddon United play in the Hexham & District Sunday Leegue
The groond consisted of a pitch with a metal fence aroond it, open to the elements with nee stands! (Luckily it wasnt rainin'!)
The goal glut woz az follows (deep breath!)
Goal 1: 15th minute: Shot across the box!
Goal 2: Goalie blunder to let WideOpen forward in for simple tap in in 20th minute
Goal 3: Another simple tap in from close range just 2 mins later
Goal 4: A great strike which gave the Heddon goalie nee chance! (See photo)
The 4th goal!
HT 4-0 to WideOpen
Goal 5: A wide open goal for WideOpen after anothaa defensive blunder from the Heddon defence, just 2 mins after the restart!
Goal 6: Penalty, which woz hit doon the centre az the goalie dived to his right on the hour mark!
Goal 7: Another tap in from close range!
"BEWARE OF LOW FLYIN' PLANES!"
Just before the 7th goal the linesman, who woz a Heddon substitute, flagged for offside against WideOpen
It wasn't offside and the ref, who we naa caalled Barry said, "Iz there a plane comin' in?" (To nearby Newcasil Airport--and there WOZ!)
Goal 8: A free kick in the 70th minute from the edge of the box, woz fumbled by the Heddon goalie and the baall trickled into the net (NOT a good day for him!)
Goal 9: Bang on full time. A Shot across the box ended up in the far corner of the net with the Heddon goalie 'headin' in the wrang direction! (sic!)
'Official' attendance: (Accordin to 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer') 36, plus 2 smaall doggies!
Amazingleee, this woz Blondie's 14th game of the season and 2nd today!
*PS: Had a look at WideOpen's twitter feed on Sunday mornin' and the goals were scored by: Beattie (hat-trick), Whittaker (hat-trick), Desmond (2) and Norvell (1), but in which order, iz anybodys guess???