Sunday, 6 May 2012

286 brockhall academy blackburn


(Ground number 286)
Date of First Visit: 5th May 2012

Brockhall Academy, Brockhall Village, Near Blackburn

BLACKBURN ROVERS U18s  2

NEWCASTLE UNITED U18s  0

National Play Offs semi final

Attendance: 120 (estimated) (6 Toon saddos!)



“LOONY TOONS!”

The convoy of cars from Tyneside arrived in Brockhall Village near Blackborn for this Under 18s semi final clash @ Blackborns trainin’ ground complex for the prize of a place in the National final.

(“Er!”—the ‘convoy’ consisted of ‘The Caped Crusaders’ ‘Batmobile’ and ‘Blondie Alan’s’ Ford Fiesta with six saddos inside in total in the two vehicles!) (includin’ little ol’ me!)



The game waz bein’ played on the site of a former lunatic asylum! and the ‘six sick saddos’  were here to clock up a new ground to add to wor ‘list’ on the never endin’ trail!

So Brockhall Academy waz indeed a VERY appropriate new ground to add to ‘the MAD-sad groundhoppers list! (sic!)

A bit of useless information!: >One of wor number, namely, Michael, had even travelled back from a months holiday in India for this one (“er!”—he actually got back a week before!) and he telt us that he did a boat trip up the sacred river Ganges where dead body parts were floatin’ past az they made their way upstream (whey!---the body parts wouldn’t be alive---would they!?)



ANYWAY!---The game started @ 12:30 bells and The Toon kicked off in the direction of the changin’ rooms where the old asylum used to stand (so we were telt!)

At the other end there waz a smaall hill behind the goal where Peter Beardsley and some of the coachin’ staff positioned themsels for a better view (behind some nettin’!)

However! The Toon Under 18s never got oot of the blocks and the home side took the lead after just two minutes play when Toon goalie Jonathan Mitchell dropped the baall after wot looked like a foul on him, but the officials waved away any protests az O’Sullivan tapped the baall into the empty net for the home side.

They then dominated for lang periods and doubled their lead through O’Sullivan again just before the half time interval, with The Toon havin’ ne answer in reply, az we had precisely NE shot on target in the entire half az they attacked ‘The Nut Hoose End’!<(it had to be folks!)



The 2nd half waz played oot with Blackborn again makin’ most of the play, but with ne fortha score they progressed to the National final where they will play Fulham.



The jorney yem waz spent listenin’ to the results comin’ through on ‘Radio 5 Live’ where the commentator telt us that Hereford (the team we aall love to hate for obvious reasons!) were relegated from the Futbaall Leegue thanx to Barnet’s win at Burton!



THREE CHEERS FOR THEM!



“HIP HIP HORRAY!---HIP HIP HORRAY!---HIP HIP HORRAY!”



©Fink™ (The mad-sad grJundhJpper!)


THE TOON v THE BLUE MOONIES---TODAY!

Posted '9:15am bells' Sunday 6th May 2012
ST JAMES' PARK FROM BARRACK ROAD

Aall eyes will be on Geordieland @ '1:30 bells' this afternoon az the most important game of the season gets underway in front of a 'packed to the rafters' St James' Park<(and aalways will be!)

Championships and Champions League qualification iz at stake and I'm sure we will give it wor best shot!

Shud the miracle happen and we win!, then for a brief period at least, we will sit in THORD place az Spors kick off half an hour later, away to Villa and we can but hope that they can de us a favour and get at least a draw?

The pressure iz aall on wor visitors however and a'm sure a certain red nosed Glaswegian Jock will be norvously watchin' events unfold on the telly before they play Swanzee @ '4 bells'!

The eyes of the world will be on us---let battle commence!

We continue wor pub crawl even though we've done the '100 challenge' and hope to de three or fower more this afternoon to end the season on a high! (for photos of the 100 waaterin holes we have visited, gan to top of page and 'click onto '100 pub crawl challenge')

Full match (and of course!) pub crawl report ot follow much later on Monday when we sober up!

Saturday, 5 May 2012

BLACKBORN U18s 2 THE TOON U18s 0---YOUTH NATIONAL SEMI FINAL

Posted '9:50pm bells' Saturday 5th May 2012

LOONY TOONS!---
(Brockhall Academy---ground number 286)

The convoy of cars from Tyneside arrived in Brockhall Village near Blackborn for this U18s semi final clash @ Blackborn's trainin' groond today for the prize of a place in the National final.("Er!"---the 'convoy' consistin' of The Caped Crusaders' 'Batmobile' and 'Blondie Alan's' Ford Fiesta! with six saddos inside in total!) (includin' little ol' me!)

The game waz bein' played on the site of a former lunatic asylum! and the 'six sick saddos', were here to 'clock up' a new groond to add to wor groonds list on the never endin' trail!
So Brockhall Academy waz indeed! a very appropriate new groond to add to the 'MAD'-sad groundhoppers list! (sic!)

However!---The Toon U18s never got oot of the blocks and the home side took the lead after just two minutes play when Toon goalie Jonathan Mitchell dropped the baall after what looked like a foul on him, but the officials waved away any protests az O'Sullivan tapped the baall into the empty net for the home side.
They then dominated for lang periods and doubled their lead through O'Sullivan again just before the half time interval with The Toon havin' ne answer in reply, az we had precisely NE shots on goal in the entire half!

The second half waz played oot with Blackborn again makin' most of the play, but with ne fortha score they progressed to the National final where they will play eetha Fulham or Leicester.

Attendance: 120 (approx)

The jorney home waz spent listenin' to the results comin' through on 'Radio 5 Live' and with 'The Arse' anly gettin' a 3-3 draw against 'Delias Custard Crumbles of Norwich', we have the opportunity of gan up to THORD PLACE in the premya leegue shud results gan wor way tomorrow afternoon.

There's the little matter of beatin' Man City forst of course to de this---(with Spors aalso not winnin' in the process!)----but dafter things have happened! (wor 2-0 win at Chelski in midweek for example!)

OH!---and YES!-----to roond off wor day---Hereford (the team we aall 'love to hate' for obvious reasons!) were relegated  from the futbaall leegue thanx to Barnet's win at Burton!

THREE CHEERS FOR THEM! ---
"HIP!--HIP!---HORRAY!--HIP!--HIP!--HORRAY!--HIP!--HIP!--HORRAY!"

Full 'mad-sad groundhoppers' match report on the above game to follow later on this week! 

CONVOY TO BLACKBORN!---BLACKBORN U18s v THE TOON U18s---TODAY!

Posted '8:30am bells' Saturday 5th May 2012


"CONVOY!"

There are two massive games ower the next two days with the forst one takin' place this afternoon!---And NO! a'm NOT! taalkin' aboot the FA Cup final @ Wembley between 'The Liverbirds' and 'The Chelski Pensioners'---a'm taalkin' aboot wor Under 18s 'semi final play off' game against Blackborn @ eetha their Brockhall trainin' groond OR! their academy @ 12:30 bells this dinnertime! (we'll find oot when we get there!)
???


Beware of huge traffic jams doon the 'A1M' and 'A66' from '9 bells' onwards az a 'convoy' of cars iz travellin' ower the Pennines for this one in the shape of --Er!--'The Caped Crusaders' 'batmobile' and 'Blondie Alan's' Ford Focus! and we hope to arrive in good time for the kick off where a huge crowd of 100 plus iz expected!

Then!--of course, tomorrow dinnertime we take on 'The Blue Moonies' in 'Title Decider Day' @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) where a win for us would cement wor claim for a Champions League place. (or not az the case may be!?)
The whole of the red half of London will be rootin' for us az well (er! that's 'Man U'---NOT! 'The Arse'!) and shud wor visitors 'nick it', then it will be them who will surelee snatch the title from their arch rivals!
Sunday will certainleee be a very interestin' day!

A selloot crowd of 52,000 plus, will be there to witness it of course and if the groond waz big enough, 100,000 plus would be present, we are sure! 

Friday, 4 May 2012

THE WINO WONDERS!---WOR NEW AWAY STRIP!

Posted '8:45pm bells' Friday 4th May 2012
(aboot five hours late!---like!---"hic!")
"AARRGGHH!"---"IT'S WOR NEW AWAY STRIP!"
"IT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOO TO DRINK!"

The Toon have just released the design of wor new 'wino wonders' away strip, which we presume will be worn in wor final away game against 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton' in the final game of the season on Sunday week!

The Geordie Times iz a canny few hours behind other NUFC websites that published this a few hours ago, but wor excuse iz simple!---we've been oot on the hoy this afternoon and have just staggered ("er!--sorry!") 'retorned' (completeleee sober--by the way!---"hic!") to wor heed office back yem to give you this exclusive? news 'second hand first' az per usual! 
"PASS THE CORKSKREW PLEEEEZE!"  ("Hic!")

BRENDAN FOSTER 'TIME (waist!)LINE'----SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!

Posted '2:15pm bells' Friday 4th May 2012

On this day in 1974 we played in the FA Cup final against The Liverbirds @ Wembley.

Before the match and at approx '2:15 bells', Toon fan and Olympic gold medalist distance runner Brendan Foster won a race aroond the Wembley track in a black n white striped vest given to him by David Bedford, an arch rival at the time.


After hiz win and with huge cheers from the Toon fans he hoyed hiz shirt into the jubulant crowd!
THAT!---waz the anly thing we won that day and the rest az they say iz black day in wor history!  

Az coincedence would have it, Brendan waz spotted in the concourse by The Geordie Times chief paparazzi photographer at half time durin' the Chelski game on Wednesday neet and took this 'exclusive photo below!
(aalso see match report below)

Spot the difference between the 1974 photo and the 2012 photo!

"THEN!"
IN HIZ NUMBER 10 VEST



"AND NOW!"
10 STONE HEAVIER!

Thursday, 3 May 2012

THE KINGS ROAD OAPs 0 THE TOON 2

Updated '7:30pm bells' Thorsday 3rd May 2012

Forst of aall, apologeeez for the late postin' of this match report!
This iz because we have just got back from London after last neets brilliant result and are still slightly 'comotosed' with the hootch!
THE TOON ATTACK THE SHED END.
VIEW FROM THE 'CHEAP SEATS'
(FIFTY QUID!)
CISSE (on the left just inside the box) volleys home hiz
forst goal @ The Matthew Harding End


Papiss Demba Cisse opened the scorin' for The Toon in the 19th minute of the forst half with a sweet left footed volley on the edge of the box from a Santon pass which gave Cech in the home goal ne chance and we went in 1-0 up at the interval.
It's the half time interval and celebrity Toon fan
Brendan 'I've got a canny gut now' Foster
enjoys a pint of 'liquid lubrication'!

Then in the second period a bad heed injury to Cheick Tiote ten minutes into the half held the game up for ten minutes and he waz replaced by Ryan Taylor after lengthy treatment.
We held wor own after this, with the home side bombardin' The Toon goal for the equaliser, but we held firm and then in the 100th minute (10th minute of stoppage time due to Tiote's injury) Shola Ameobi chested a baall doon into the path of Cisse, and he hit an unbelievable and unstoppable 'goal of the season' shot with a right footed volley this time, from ootside the box, which 'flew like a bullet' into the Chelski net at the Shed End, where we were housed.
CISSE (bottom of picture) volleys home his second
'wonder goal' @ The Shed End
And there were wild celebrations in wor section az Papiss 'danced' a jig of delight in front of us! (even Chelski's Didier Drogba applauded the wonder goal!)

Much more to follow on this when aa get mee breath back!---"YAHOOOO!"

(Deep breath!)-----Unfortunatelee Spors aalso won and we remain in fifth place behind them on goal difference and anly one point behind The Arse with anly two games to gan in the fight for the Champions League. The OAP's of Chelski are now fower points adrift of us in sixth place.

Toon team: Krul, Perch, Santon, Williamson, Simpson, Coloccini, Tiote (Ryan Taylor 63), Gutierrez, Ben Arfa (Obertan 87), Cabaye, Ba (Shola Ameobi 75), Cisse

Attendance: 41,559 (2,000 or so delighted Toon fans!) 

* CORRECTION!: Apparentlee Cisse's 2nd goal was scored in the FOURTH minute of injury time and not the TENTH minute az reported above!------and 'The Geordie Times' 'excuse for gettin' it  wrang???----WE BLAME THE DRINK AZ USUAL!!!

In other news---the resorves lost 3-0 @ Blackborn's trainin' groond this afternoon in their last game of the season ('2 bells' start)
Unfortunately we could'nt get there az wor train didn't get back from London in time!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

THE KINGS ROAD OAPs v THE TOON---TONEET!

Updated '9:15am bells' Wednesday 2nd May 2012
"Sing in the cheap seats!"
(note the wrang date on the ticket!)

Stamford Bridge doon the Kings Road iz the place to be toneet @ 7:45 bells' where a Champions League place iz up for grabs in wor final trip to 'the smoke' this season!
'Wor bags are packed and we're ready to go' (az the old song gans) ("Er!"---packed with cans of 'liquid lubrication' that iz!) for the three hour 'sorte' to Kings Cross and we are due in to the capital of sleaze @ aroond 'fower bells' this afternoon

Anybody who thinks we are in for a hidin'----COULD be reet!---or! on the other hand!---we played them TWICE last season doon there and won one! (in the League Cup) and drew one! (in the Premya)

Who's to say that they wont have their minds on Saturdays FA Cup  final against The Liverbirds instead???

Anyway!--@ FIFTY quid a ticket it isn't cheap, but reeely we shudn't grumble az Man U fans, for example, had to pay SIXTY SEVEN quid to get in! (category 'AA' apparentleee---compared to wor category 'B' price!) (watch oot for a 'price hike' next season if we ARE in the Champions League!) 
We'll be in 'The Blackbird' near Earls Court tube station before and after the match if anybody fancy's a 'gargel' with us!?

Full match (and waaterin holes!) report to follow sometime on Thorsday when we get back!

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE---THE TOON RESORVES 4 TEAM NORTHUMBRIA 4 (THE TOON WON 4-2 ON PENALTIES AFTER EXTRA TIME)

Posted '10:00am bells' Tuesday 1st May 2012
Paul Dummett (somewhere in the centre!)  scores the forst goal of the eight goal thriller!


A fantastic goal fest in the 'fog on the Tyne final' @ St James' Park last neet had the scores level 4-4 after 30 minutes of added time in The Northumberland Senior Cup final.

The Toon opened the scorin' in the 15th minute @ The Leazes End (see Geordie Times 'exclusive' photo) when a Ryan Donaldson corner foond Paul Dummett and he fired home through a melee of players.

The students from Newcastle University levelled on the half hour mark and for The Toon to immediately retake the lead when Phil Airey vollied home.

Airey then got his 2nd just before the break to make it 3-1 to the black n whites

The students reduced the deficit with a close range effort but then 'super sub' 'Dan the Man' Taylor restored wor two goal advantage @ The Gallowgate End with just 20 minutes remainin' and it looked aall ower for Northumbria.

However they wernt to be denied and two goals in quick succession in the freezin' fog meant that we had to endure an extra thorty minutes once more! (we aalways seem to have to play extra time in cup matches!)

The extra time produced ne more goals and a penalty shoot oot waz the order of the day to decide where the coveted cup wud end up.

Penalty shoot oot: (@ The Leazes End)
0-1 to Team Northumbria (TN)
1-1 Ryan Donaldson for The Toon
1-1 TN missed 2nd pen
2-1 to us---Dan Taylor
2-2 TN equalised
3-2 to us---Greg McDermott
3-2 TN penalty saved by Toon goalie Jak Alnwick
4-2 Richardson scores to win the cup for The Toon for the 4th time in 5 years

Attendance: a dissapointin' 739 which included quite a few supportin' the students (The Manc 'title decider' derby, which of course waz live on the telly might have had sommik to de with the low crowd!)

Monday, 30 April 2012

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE!---THE TOON RESORVES v TEAM NORTHUMBRIA---TOONEET IN 'THE NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP FINAL!

Posted '1:10pm bells' Monday 30th April 2012
ASKIN' THE QUESTIONS---PAUL 'BAMBER' GASCOINGNE
"YOUR STARTER FOR TEN!"-----"WHERE DE
NEWCASTLE UNITED PLAY--LIKE?"
"bbbzzzz!!!!"---"TURNER!--NEWCASTLE!"----
"ST JAMES' PARK!---AND IT AALWAYS WILL BE!"
"AYE! THAT'S REET!"

The biggest game of the season so far takes place toneet and NO!---'a'm NOT! taalkin' aboot the Manc derby where the title cud be decided!---'am taalkin' aboot THE NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP FINAL @ ST JAMES' PARK! <(and aalways will be!) between 'wor' resorves and the students of Newcastle University's Team Northumbria for the coverted trophy.

Kick off iz @ '7 bells' and admission iz a fiver for big kids and three quid for sprogs, students and zimmerframites (East Stand tornstiles)

And ask yoursel this question, aall yeez 'University Challenge' 'Bambers' oot there!----Have Man U. or Man C. ever won The Northumberland Senior Cup????-------
"I REST MY CASE!!!!"
THE TOON RESORVES---WINNERS OF
THE NORTHUMBERLAND SENIOR CUP 2011
("ARE YOO WATCHIN' MANCHESTER!?")

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