THE FRIAR TUCK MOB U23S V THE TOON U23S *** TOONEET IN ALFRETON! (NEW GROOND, NEW GROOND!)

 Posted 'high noon 🔔s' Munday 22nd November 2021

THE IMPACT ARENA, AKA NORTH STREET, ALFRETON

*'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are off on wor travels again to visit a new groond where we have never played!  It's The Impact Arena in Alfreton, north Derbyshire where wor U23s take on Nottingham Forest U23s in a '7:00 bells' kick off!

It's the home of Alfreton Town who play in the National League North (The same leegue az Gatesheed---Level 6 in the futbaall pyramid) This will be the 12th groond currently in that leegue that 'The mad-sad groundhoppers' will have visited to watch a NUFC team! (providin' we get there and the game isn't postponed for some reason!?)

Admission iz 'a fiver' for 'big kids' and £3 for sprogs and zimmerframites! (like me!)

4 of us are settin off this afternooon and we shud arrive in good time for some 'gargels' in a nearby boozer (thats if there are any near the groond?) The roond trip iz aroond 300 miles from Tyneside!

Just like wor forst team, wor U23s are winless in their last 5 leegue and cup games and are currently 6th in the Premyaa Leegue 2 table, while The Friar Tuck Mob from Nottingham are even worse, havin not won in their last 7 games! (9th place! oot of 14 teams)

A full Geordie Times match and boozer report on the game will appear here sometime tomorrow! APY "Watch this space!"

 

"WHO AM I?"

In other news, Moan U have sacked Ole after their humiliatin 4-1 defeat at Wotfaad and we naa the PERFECT man to replace him!

1: He iz a Moan U legend!

2: He lives near Manchester and haz done so for many years!

3: He iz currently unemployed after pickin up a FAT severance pay check of £8 MILLION from hiz previous club!

4: He haz ower 20 year experience with numerous clubs az a manager and haz 1,000 games under hiz (FAT) belt, in that role!

5: Hiz favorite sayings in press conferences are: "Keyboard warriors", "There's a mole in the camp!", "Are you callin' me a liar?" and "How's the bacon, did you say?"

The answer iz below--- Don't look doon---just guess?---nee cheatin'!

*

"I'M COMING HOME!---AT LAST!"

THE TOON 3 BRENTFAAD 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 21st November 2021

"ATTACK!, ATTACK!, ATTACK!---DEFEND!, DEFEND!, DEFEND!"

We went to this game apprehensive to just wot kind off performance The Toon would put in against Premyaa Leegue new boys Brentfaad, from west London!

Eddie Howe haz Covid and woz forced to watch hiz forst game in charge in hiz hotel room!

Az far az attackin their goal we were excellent, havin 23 shots in total, 9 of them on target and 3 goals to the good!

However!---az far az defendin' gans, we were atrocious, and aall 3 goals conceded were through errors in wor back line!

The goal sequences were az follows:

10th minute: A Jamaal Lascelles heeder from a Matt Richie corner at The Leazes End puts us 1-0 up, but durin' the celebrations wor visitors went up the other end of the pitch and equalised though old boy Ivan Toney (it had to be!) through a bad misstayk by Karl Darlow in The Toon goal! 1-1

31st minute: Brentfaad then took the lead through an unmarked Henry from a far post cross, to silence The Toon fans and delight the 2,500 away fans high up in The Leazes End! 1-2

39th minute: Joelinton scores hiz forst goal of the season from an excellent Saint Max cross, curlin' hiz shot into the bottom corner of the net! 2-2 HT

60th minute: Wor visitors retook the lead on the hour mark, against the run of play, after the unfortunate Jamaal Lascelles deflected a Onyeka shot into hiz own goal with Darlow stranded! 2-3 (meeenin that he had scored a goal for both teams!)

75th minute: Saint Max then rescued a point az he fired a pin point cross from substitute Ryan Fraser into the net at The Gallowgate End, to send the crowd wild! (Eddie Howe had been on the phone to assistant manager Tindall to put Fraser on just before the goal!)

Unfortunateely we couldnt find the winner with Joelinton slippin in the box to miss a great chance near the end---and so we had to settle for one point!---Nohrich's win ower Sooothampton meeenz we dropped to the bottom of the table, continuin' wor record winless start to a season ever, to 12 games! (13 if yoo included the Leegue Cup!)

Like we say!---While wor attackin woz great for a change, wor defendin' woz anything but, and Eddie Howe must somehow stop wor very leaky defence!----The sooner Martin Debravka iz back in goal the better! 

Attendance: 52,131 (2,500 Brentfaad fans)

* 

"OUR HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TOON!"

EDDIE'S ARMY!

"THE SKY AT NIGHT!"

NEWS AT 'TEN'! (Sunday)

PS: Spare a thought for Toon fan Colonel Gadaffi (The one from Bracknell near Reading, NOT the one from Tripoli, Libya!) 

He caught the '10:15 bells' train from The Central (station) to King's Cross in London on Sunday mornin'

He got az far az Donny (Doncaster) when the train suddenly stopped!

The train in front, a 'Grand Central' train from mackemland had broken doon in front of them!   

After an hour's wait the train heeded back north to York! Where he woz told to get a train across the Pennines, az the line to London wud be blocked for some considerable time!   

He got off and caught a train to Leeedz---and then anothaa to Manchester----and anothaa to London----and anothaa to Reading----and finally anothaa to Bracknell in Berkshire, where he arrived TEN HOURS after he'd left the Toon, travellin on SIX different trains in the long drawn oot process! (It's never eazy, bein a Toon fan!)

The Guiness Book of Records have been informed!

TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED!?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 19th November 2021

Updated Saturday '10:25am bells'

Saturday

News that Eddie Howe haz tested positive for Covid yesterday evenin', meeenz that he will miss hiz forst game in charge!----Yi couldn't make it up!---Graeme Jones and Jason Tindall will be on the bench instead az Eddie watches on from hiz hotel in isolation!

He will speak to every player individually via Zoom before the match!

Friday

NUFC take on Brentfaad tomorrow at SJP with Eddie Howe in charge for the forst time in a '3:00 bells' start!

We really divvint naa just wot to expect, but expectations are high amonst the fan base and hopefully Eddie haz awoken some of wor players from their slumbers, under wor former manager's 'watch' and that we can expect at least some shots on goal at the very least!

This will be wor 12th attempt to win a Premyaa Leegue game this season (13 games if yoo include the Leegue Cup!) and this iz an unwanted club record from the start of a season, stretchin' back to the 19th century!

It will be very interestin' to see wor startin line up with a full hoose of ower 52,000 present come '3 bells' on Saturday! (We will find oot at '2:00 bells' tomorrow)

We can anly hope that we can get wor forst win of the season and that NUFC can climb oot of danger by Xmas?

It certainly won't be easy, but at least we now have some 'hope' with Eddie and wor new very rich owners in charge!

The January window iz 9 games away, and we must fight tooth and nail to try and escape from the bottom 3 by then!

A tale of the unexpected if we do win against Brentfaad--or if we don't---az the case may be? 🙏

A full 'Geordie Times' match report will appear here, az per usual, sometime on Sunday!

The front cover of the match programme tomorrow

PENFOLD PEDDLED*** GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Friday 19th November 2021

News that the NUFC MD iz now the former NUFC MD, haz reached 'The Geordie Times'!

He started off az a 'stamp licker' office boy to former secretary Russell Cushing and woz promoted to MD by wor previous owner 'The Fat Controller'! (????)

He negotiated the appointment of 'The Wally with the Brolly', Steve McClaren az manager and said at the time that he woz, "The perfect fit for the job!"

 10 months later NUFC were RELEGATED to the Championship!  (Say no more!)

The anly thing to get rid of now are them AAFUL SD signs that blight wor groond!

Then we can finally get wor club back!

THE TOON U23s 1 'UDDERSFEEELD 'B' 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE CUP group stage

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorzday 18th November 2021

Last neet wor U23s drew 1-1 with 'uddersfeeeld in The Premyaa leegue Cup at Blue Flames! (aka Whitley Park)

We came back after wor visitors took the lead through a 1st half penalty in the 30th minute, when Jay Turner-Cooke scored with a deflected shot 5 mins into the 2nd half to grab a point!

Crowd: 316

TYNESIDE UNITED!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 17th November 2021

'The Heedbangers' of Gatesheed pulled of a great result in their FA Cup 1st roond replay at Altrincham last neet!

They won 3-2 to set up a moooth watering home 2nd roond tie against Leegue One Charlton Athletic!

Nee less than NINE! former Toon players were on duty for 'The Heedbangers' last neet in their 14 man squad, includin' player manager Mike Williamson!

And they were: Adam Campbell, Gregg Olley, Dan Ward, Owen Bailey, Alex Nicholson, Louis Story, Jack Hunter, Cedwyn Scott and of course Mike Williamson!

The tie will be on the telly (ITV 4) and will be played on Friday 3rd December at '7:45 bells'---NUFC divvint play til the next day at home to 'The Bornley Hillbillies' and so a large crowd iz anticipated at Gatesheed Stadium!

In othaa news, Gary Hoffman haz resigned az The Premyaa Leegue's chairman, az the so caalled 'big sicks' ("er!" SIX!) are not happy that they wornt informed that the NUFC takeower woz given the green light!

Proof that they HAVE interfered in the PIF takeower, when it woz supposed to be confidential!

No doubt much more to follow on aall this!

SUPERMAC'S RECORD STILL STANDS AFTER 46 YEARS! ----BUT IT WOZ A CLOSE CAALL!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 16th November 2021

Harry Kane went very close to scorin 5 goals in Ing-er-land's 10-0 record win ower San Marino yesterday!

He got 4, includin 2 penalties, before bein' substituted on the hour mark!

This meeenz that 'Supermac' (Malcolm Macdonald), who scored a record breakin' 5 goals against Cyprus at Wembley in 1975, in a European Championship qualifier, STILL HOLDS THE GOALS RECORD for an Inglish player in a competitive game! 

And he did it az an NUFC player of course!

Long may this record stand!

Altogether now!

"Supermac superstar, how many goals have yoo scored so far?"

MARINE 2 DUNSTON BAD BLUE BOYS 2 (MARINE WIN 5-4 ON PENALTIES) *** FA TROPHY 1st ROOND

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th November 2021

"WELCOME TO THE STADIUM OF DARKNESS!"

The Geordie Times haz written so many "Yi couldnt make it up!" stories aboot wor futbaall travels and this one iz near the top of the list, beleeeve yoo me!

Coz of the International break there woz nee Toon game ower the weekend and so aa decided to dee a bit of non leegue groundhoppin' with mee favorite non leegue team, Dunston!

They were playin awaay to Marine of Liverpoool in the FA Trophy and az a'd never been to their groond aa managed to 'cadge a lift' on the team bus!

An uneventval jorney, (apart from gettin stuck in a massive traffic jam on the M62 near Manchester!) and we arrived in good time for the pre match 'gargels' which took place in 'The Edinburgh' next to the groond and then onward to the clubhoose, which woz packed to the rafters!

A'd met 'Davy the Silver Fox' and hiz ever faithful drinkin' partner Barbara (hiz wife!) in 'The Edinburgh', who follow 'The Bad Blue Boys' home and away and we made for the tornstiles 5minutes  before kick off, az there woz a minutes silence for those who lost their lives in conflict! ("We will remember them!")

And then to the match!--because Liverpoool and Evatin wornt playin, like The Toon, there woz a very large crowd for this level of futbaall, in a groond that had its main stand behind the goal and a deed narrow covered terrace on one side and a high fence on the other in a vain attempt to stop the baalls gannin into somebodys back garden!---The numbers on the fence were so they knew where the baalls had landed and they could knock on their door and ask for the baalls back! ("Can we have our ball back please, mister!")

We heeded for the far end of the groond where there woz an open terrace, az Dunston were kickin' that way in the forst half!

It wasnt a very good half to be honest and the 'highlight' woz a big green balloon that the local kids had brung to the match, which blew onto the pitch!---A crowd steward picked it up az the kids asked for their balloon back, but the b*stard burst it instead, to loud boooos from them!

It shud be noted that 'The Bad Blue Boys' played in an aall red kit, by the way, while Marine played in white shirts and black shorts!

Anyway!---the 2nd half started under the floodlights az it woz gettin dark and 4 minutes later they went oot aall of a sudden!

After a while the ref took the players off the pitch and by amazin' coincidence the Dunston number 4 Phil Turnbull woz a 'sparky' (electrician!) and he frantically tried to fix the lights!-----It then went 'viral' with the BBC and Sky Sports reportin' it! (Surely yi couldnt make THIS up!?)

The ref gave a deadline of '5 bells' for the lights to be fixed, or else the game would be abandoned! (Davy and Barbara had to catch a train and couldnt wait for the restart)

Apparently, The Dunston player could anly fix one of the lights despite frantic efforts!---Az he had'nt brought hiz electricians tool box with him to the match (believe it or not?) it took another local 'sparky' Marine fan to help him dee it, az he lived just doon the road!--The chairman of Marine gave him a lift to pick HIZ toolbox up from hiz hoose at '4:45 bells'! (It get crazier every minute folks!)

A miracle then happened az aall the lights suddenly came on, with loud cheers from the fans who had patiently waited in hope that they could be fixed!

The game restarted at '5:05 bells' and the delay seemed to put Dunston oot of their stride and they conceded 2 goals in quick succession from Wignall and Reilly and the game looked dead a buried!

But 'The Bad Blue Boys' are made of sterner stuff and fought back with goals from Sado Djalo and Lee Mason to send the game into penalty kick mode!

Unfortunately for 'us' Marine won it by 5 kicks to 4, az the game ended at '6 bells'----3 hours after it started, which makes it the langest game av ever been tee, from start to finish!

Team sheet and green match ticket---proof that 'we woz there'!

Attendance: 1,202 (a few from Dunston + quite a few watchin' on from their back gardens and hoose windows!)

"ARE YOU WATCHIN' NUMBER 27?"

The 'sparky' in question got some stick on the bus back yem for forgettin' hiz toolbox and nee doubt he will have it on the next away trip!---JUST IN CASE! 

Fans in the crowd put their phone lights on and people in the hooses that surroond the pitch put their spotlights on, in a frantic effort to get the match restarted!

A MARINE TEAM PHOTO FROM THE 1890s

Updated on Munday from the national press!

"NO ONE LIKES US! WE DON'T CARE!"

 Posted '10:20am bells' Saturday 13th November 2021

With nee Toon game coz of the International break, av decided to dee a bit of non leegue groundhoppin and I am heedin to Liverpoool az we speak to watch Marine v Dunston in the FA Trophy!

More hate haz been written aboot NUFC in the Daily Wail, mockin Ananda and wor fans!

At the end of the day it woz The Fat Controller who sold wor club to the PIF and NOT the Toon fans!---Yet WE get aall the stick and not a word against TFC for sellin' it!

Just like Millwaall--NO ONE LIKES US!--- WE DONT CARE!

A 'SIGN' OF THE TIMES! *** AMANDA SPEAKS!

 Posted '11:00am bells' Friday 12th November 2021

There are so many ugly red and blue SD signs plastered everywhere at St. James' Park, that Amanda cannit take a descent photo of wor stadium, withoot gettin a SD advort in the backgroond!

They are everywhere yoo look, from both sides of the club name on The East Stand, to the entrance from the players tunnel, to every stand in the groond!----We havvint coonted them, but there must be 300 at least! 

*The sooner they are gone (just like 'The Fat Controller' and wor former 'National Treasure' manager!) the better!---and then we can 'move on' to much (much!) better days aheed!