mackem miscreant moments!

 Posted '6:30pm bells' Sunday 7th February 2021

JUmPiNg  tHe  gUN!

In the dead of night on Friday ootside St. James' Park, 2 SMBs held a crude home made banner, mockin' us---Az if they could, in their predicament!

They thought we would lose to Sooothampton and slide closer to the relegation zone, but of course we won 3-2 with 9 men, while they dropped 2 points at the mighty MK Don's to slide doon to mid table in the Mickey Mouse Leegue 1 table!

In othaa words their stunt had backfired badly az NUFC moved 10 points clear of Fulim in 3rd bottom place, while the mighty Lincoln City moved 10 points clear of them in the Mickey Mouse Leegue!

They cannot even sppell properly!  Higher a lower case letters in BRuCey and an apostrophe in MAKEM'S which should be sppellt MACKEMS with a 'C' in the middle!

Thick as pigs sh*t!🐷

And 'pride of the north' at the bottom of the banner!  For God's sake have a look at the Premyaa Leegue table and see if there's a north east team in it, that is 35 place above!   Even the Smoggies of Middlesbrough are 24 places higher than them in The Championship!

They must have went to skuwl in pEnNyweLL!

"DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER!"

 Posted 'midneet bells' Sunday 007 February 2021

I've been taken to task by Toon fan 'Dave from York', who haz been followin' the Toon for EIGHT decades! (1950s-1960s-1970s-1980s-1990s-2000s-2010s-2020s) (ie: He's VERY old!)

He says mee critisism of Steve Bruce iz unfair and that he hasn't stood a chance with the injuries and covid illnesses that have enveloped the club! (ie: He's been made a 'scapegoat' and hung oot to dry!)

Fair enough!---but it's hiz tactics and crazy comments that get me!----not the players inability to carry hiz instructions oot!

He iz---in effect---the club spokesman az well!--- Az wor absent ower and MD seem to have vanished into thin air!    

Defend, defend, against bottom club Sheff Utd and lose 1-0, when we should have 'went for the jugular' and attacked them from 'the off'---and the next game, attack, attack, against Arsenal, when we should have defended against an attack minded side---and lost 3-0!

Yesterday's 3-2 win v Sooothampton at SJP, with just 9 men in the torrential rain, woz 'heroic' and I am certain that if this game had taken place in December, we would have lost, az the players confidence then, woz at an aall time low!

Dave (from York) reckons that it woz Bruce who appointed coach Graeme Jones and IF that iz true, (but we have wor doubts!) then it's been an inspired appointment, az he haz been a breath of fresh air since hiz arrival!

Hiz so caalled 'diamond system' haz seen us take 6 points from the 3 games he haz been here---and we have scored 6 goals in the process---more goals than we scored in the previous 11 games!(5)

Diamond (formations!) are forever!----lets hope so!♦️

Cheers!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!) who hasn't 'ground-hopped' to a new groond for a Toon game, for ower a year!                    (Rochdale, January 2020)

FOOTNOTE:THE NUMBERS GAME

4 the 2nd time in 4 days Sooothampton have been beaten by 9! 

When they beat us 2-0 at their place in November they went to the top of the Premyaa Leegue----they are now just 4 points above us!

THE TOON V SOOOTHAMPTON *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted from '1:11am 'bells' onwards, Saturday 6th February 2021

"LETS KEEP THE MOMENTUM GOING!" (Steve Bruce) 

Wor beloved? manager/club spokesman 'Broken Nose Bruce' said that comments were completely untrue that new coach Graeme Jones will take ower the reigns if he iz sacked, and that he woz puttin the rumours "to bed", full stop!

Yet anothaa 'must win game' today, against a Sooothampton team who lost 9-0 to Moan U in midweek!

However! Bruce will probably play 5 at the back and hope for a breakaway goal or 2 to win the game!

He said he woz "pleased!" with wor performance on Tuesday?

PLEASED? to lose 2-1 at home to a very mediocre Cristill Palliss team. *Iz he takin the p*ss oot of us, in revenge for posts on social media and in the press??? (Thought he didnt read them, but he's aalways complaining aboot negative Twitter comments etc from fans!

But wot does he expect with dire performances recently? (apart from Evaatin, when new coach Graeme Jones bellowed instructions from the dugoot, while Bruce looked on furious that he had stolen his thunder!)

ONE win in THORTEEN games and THREE losses in succession at home, divvint give yoo confidence for this afternooon!

⬇️THE MOMENTUM?⬇️

⬆️SOME MOMENTUM!⬆️

Its relegation form for certain and we can anly hope (and pray!)🙏 that Jones isn't banished to the stand, or the back row seats in the dugoot today!(or even his own bed, of course!)

BRUCE'S 'WHITE FLAG' EXCUSES PRE MATCH! 

Shud we not win, then Bruce haz aalready got aall hiz ready made excuses in, in his Friday press conference, az he says that 4 to 5 defenders are unavailable! 

           Mr Depression speaks!

Aalso in the press conference, he woz asked just who wud fill the 25th slot in the playin squad, as he failed to bring in more players on transfor deadline day! (See Twitter below!)

SHOW BRUCE SOME RESPECT?

WHEN 'HE' DOESN'T SHOW 'RESPECT' TO HIZ PLAYERS?DOUBLE STANDARDS AGAIN! DON'T MAKE US LAFF!

A full Geordie Times, minute by minute goal or incident reports will appear here live from wor laptop at HQ az they happen!

Watch this space for updates from '2:00 bells' onwards, when the team line ups will be revealed ('3:00 bells' kick off!)

*Like we say, let's hope against hope that we can play like we did at Evaatin and get a good result!🙏The Geordie Times iz praying that we can! (Like we aalways dee!)

*

New boy Joe Willock starts az does 'The Saint'!👍🙏

*15th minute GOAL TO TOON!

NEW BOY WILLOCK WITH A SHOT FROM ST MAX CROSS! 

25th minute GOAL TO TOON!

DEFLECTED GOAL FROM ALMIRON SHOT!

29th minute  goal fo Sooothampton

2-1 to us!

*45 plus 3 GOAL   ALMIRON AFTER A MISSTAYK BY THEIR GOALIE 3-1 TO US HALF TIME!

NUFC 32% possession 1st half   4 shots on target   3goals!

This equals wor highest total this season   3 v Bornley!

*

*46th minute  bad miss by Shelvey with goal gaping!

 *47th minute  goal for Sooothampton  free kick

3-2 to us

49th minute Hendrick sent off  2nd yellow for stupid shirt pull!

Toon doon to 10!

Torrential rain hits Tyneside!

62nd minute   ings shot rebounds off post into Darlow's arms!

73rd minute Schar fans doon after disastrous free kick from him. NUFC have used all subs and so we are doon to 9 men!

FT WON 3-2  SOMEHOW!🤪👍 20% possession 2nd half!

We are 11 points above the drop zone---for now!

'The Geordie Times' never doubted SIR Steve for one second! ----HONEST!

Inside 'The Geordie Times' HQ at full time!

HAIRCUT 200

 Posted '2:28am bells' Friday 5th February 2021

   "Oh why am I so stupid?"

FOOL'S GOLD!

NUFC's £40 million pound 'super striker'? Joelinton has been fined £200 for gannin to a barber's in Heaton for hiz haircut, durin the lockdoon---which anly came to light when he stupidly posted a picture on Instagram, of the barber cutting his hair!

Just how he iz able to afford to pay this oot of his £79,000 a week wages, is anybody's guess?  Wor hearts bleed for him! (The Geordie Times iz seriously 'finkin' aboot having a whiproond to help him pay his fine!) (NOT!)

Meeenwhile!  Wor beloved? manager, Broken Nose Bruce iz on £57,000 a week, not bad for a tactical genius?, who has won just once in wor last 13 games, as we nosedive towards oblivion!

The question is, how could wor reluctant owner 'The Fat Controller', (who iz normally az tight az a fishes arse!), get it SO wrang, to pay SO much for these complete failures on and off the pitch!? (And not for the first time, of course!)

Money doon the drain!--for a 'fool' and a 'pain'!

THE TOON 1 PALLISS 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2020-2021

 Posted '1:50am bells' Wedinzday 3rd February 2021

NORMAL SERVICE RESUMED!

With new coach Graeme Jones banished to the stands for long periods of the game, it woz left to Broken Nose Bruce to coach? from the touchline in torrential rain--with predictable results!

We had a heed start az well, when Shelvey put us in front in the 2nd minute-- but just 25 minutes later we were 2-1 behind and never recovered!

That's just one win in thirteen games now--and six losses at home oot of eleven in the Premyaa Leegue this season!-and Bruce iz somehow still in the job!

We have been sucked well and truly into the relegation battle, while teams aroond us have games in hand!

After the 'high' of the win at Evaatin, normal service has returned to bite us on the arse!

THE TOON V PALLISS *** TOONEET

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 2nd February 2021

We couldnt find a team photo anywhere for this season, 

so last season's line up will have to dee!

Tooneet 'the champions of Europe' (NUFC, accordin' to Bruce!) take of Cristill Palliss at SJP, with an '8:15 bells' kick off! (See above for explanation!)

News that Bruce isnt happy with his new coach iz obvious by his body language at yesterday's press conference, when he gave a sarcastic grin and said Graeme Jones woz an "inspired choice!"

Obviously NOT 'his choice' as he had previously said!

We can anly hope that we put up a similar show to the Evertin 2-0 win on Saturday!

We welcome new loan signin Joe Willick to the fold---wor anly new face in the transfor window! (Signed too late to play tooneet!)

NUFC had attempted to sign at least EIGHT othaaz, but aall the deals fell through for one reason or anothaa!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Wedinzday 

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

"CORPORAL JONES, WOR NEW NUMBER 2, NUMBER 1!" (IF YOO SEE WHAT WE MEEEN!?)

 Posted '12:45pm bells' Sunday 31st January 2021

'CORPORAL' JONES, 'SERGEANT' WILSON & 'PRIVATE' FRASER

EVAATIN 0  DADS ARMY 2 ('Sergeant' Wilson, 2) (who else?)

Jones, Wilson and Fraser aall made contributions in this excellent performance---the best for many a month!

New coach 'Corporal' Jones organized the team into a well oiled machine, az the 'new' Newcasil controlled the show at Goodison Park!

Great performances from 'Private' Fraser and 'Sergeant' Wilson, who scored the 2 goals to seal the victory, meant that NUFC moved 8 points clear of the relegation zone!

The 'shell shocked' mackem goalie we aall love to hate, 'Little Arms' Pickford, had to PICK the baall oot of the Evaatin net twice, az hiz Toon jinx struck again! (and there have been many of them!) 

A totally unexpected victory after 11 successive winless games, woz doon to the tactics of Jones, who never stopped shoutin' instructions from the away dugoot, az Bruce and hiz othaa coaches looked on perplext!

IF LOOKS COULD KILL!

At the end of the game, Jones rushed onto the pitch to hug Wilson, while Bruce walked past, seemingly disinterested!                         See the 2 videos we 'nicked' off Twitter (above and below!) to see what we mean!

Next up iz a home game v Cristil Palliss on Tuesday, when we can anly hope that Jonesy's 'magic' iz not 'a one off' and can help us win that game az well!?---This is NUFC and anything can happen!---we shall soon find oot!

This iz wor 'take' on the current situation at NUFC:

The NUFC 'reluctant' owner: 'The Fat Controller' doesn't speak!

The NUFC 'puppet' MD: 'Penfold' doesn't speak!

The NUFC main coaching post, it seems, haz been given to new boy Graeme Jones, who did an excellent job yesterday! (although Bruce won't admit it!)

The NUFC spokesman: This task, it seems, iz now left to 'Broken Nose Bruce' to speak utter garbage like "It iz what it iz!" and "We are where we are!" to give just 2 examples!

Geordie times comment: This iz where we are! and it iz what it iz!, if yoo see where we are comin' from!? ("HELP!" these nonsense phrases are catchin' on!")

Update '4:05' pm bells'

Bornley lost 2-0 orlier on at Chelski and so NUFC move up one place above them on goals scored to 15th position in the table with 22 points from 21 games! (By wor reckonin' we need to average just under a point a game to stay up, so 38 points shud be wor target!----16 points to gan from 17 games!)

Update: '10:00 pm bells' 

Brightin beat Sporz 1-0 to move within a point of us!

Good job we won yesterday or else we would be 4th bottom now!

Got to keep the momentum gannin' v Palliss on Tuesday at SJP!       

THE TOFFEE NOSES V THE TOON *** DINNAATIME TODAY!

 Posted from'11:30am bells' onwards, Saturday 30th January 2021

FT 2-0 to NUFC    PICK that one out Jordan (Wilson's 2nd goal!)

Under normal circumstances a year ago, we would be on wor way by train to Liverpoool  for wor game v Evaatin at Goodison Park, calling at the Barlow Arms before the game (near Goodison) for a few 'gargels' and a bit chin wag with some of the locals!

Of course, these are not normal times, so I will be sitting in front of mee laptop in wor hoose, with a couple of bottles of 'Dog' (Newcasil broon ale) for 'company' to watch the proceedings!

The Geordie Times will of course give yoo laptop coverage az the action? (or inaction!) happens before us!

We can anly hope that wor new coach Graeme Jones can give us a formation to get a result against Evaatin, instead of 10 men behind the baall, az no doubt Bruce would demand to try a gain a point in a nil-nil draw!

Who, yoo may ask will pick the team? Bruce or Jones---and the answer iz---we dont know, but we will soon find oot at the '12:30 bells' kick off time!

Can The Toon break the winless 11 game streak, and can we get wor forst win in 2021?

Who knows, but with othaa teams below us catching up fast, we need a win, or at the very least a draw, to put this awful run behind us (5 Premyaa Leegue defeats in a row! and just 2 goals scored in the last 9 games in Leegue and cups!)

Joelinton has been a naughty boy by posting a selfie of him gettin hiz haircut at a barbers shop in Heaton (east end of the Toon)

God help us if the barber tests positive for the virus, as the whole thing will unravel!

NUFC say he will be disciplined , so dont expect him to be in the starting line up (he hazzint been for the last 2 games, anyway!)

Az per usual watch this space below for goal and incident updates az they happen!

25 mins played NO shots on target as usual! 46% possession!

30th minute Wilson heeder on target for NUFC which was saved by Little arms pickford and baall skimmed the bar!

HT 0-0  45% possession  1 effort on target!

Much better performance than of late, but still nee goals!

Commentator said that NUFC havent had ower 50% possession since last JULY!

*52nd minute  Wilson missed goal when he shud have scored!😬

60th minute: picture has froze for the 6th time!

Bloody ☠ channel!!!

Half way through 2nd half

40% possession   No shots on goal this half so far!

But still we are playin much better

70th minute: GOAL! Wilson  superb heeder from Shelvey cross 1-0 UP! (above)

GOAL: Wilson again from a through baall by Lewis for the decisive goal to win the game in the 93rd minute!

Jones deserves the credit but Bruce will claim it!🤪👍

Iz this the decisive moment and turnin' point for wor season?---Lets hope that this isnt a 'one off'

Team played with pride and passion 'for a change' and for once I actually enjoyed watchin us 'for a change'!

"PLEASE MR. POSTMAN, LOOK AND SEE, IF THERE'S A LETTER, A LETTER FOR ME!"

 Posted '3:39pm bells Friday 29th January 2021

To send a letter to Steve, please write to: Steve Bruce, Fantasy Island, England

*Broken Nose Bruce says he haz received PILES of letter from well wishers and fans, telling him to carry on and wishing him good luck!

BELEEEVE THIS AND YOU'LL BELEEEVE THAT DONALD TRUMP WON THE USA ELECTION!

The question on everybody's lips (or at least mine, anyway!) iz that people normally send texts, e-mails or use Twitter and Facebook to send messages these days!

Letter writtin' went oot with the dinosaurs🦕 (like Bruce!) at the end of the 20th century 🦖 when the internet exploded into wor lives!💻

We can believe he received 1 or 2 'hate mail letters'---but PILES of 'nice letters'!??--- Howwway maan!

Hang on a second!-- I can feel a letter comin' on!:

"Dear Steve, why don't you F*** OFF!"

So that's where Bruce got the idea from!

THE STRANGE APPOINTMENT OF GRAEME JONES

 Posted '10:48am bells' Thorsday 28th January 2021

From the official NUFC website

Re: Graeme Jones

Famously the assistant to Roberto Martinez at Belgium, when they finished 3rd in the 2018 World Cup in Russia

In 2018 he joined the coaching staff of WBA before coming manager of newly promoted Luton Town!

 He left Kenilworth Road in April 2020 by *mutual consent  to take up a coaching position with Bournemouth!

*It should be noted that Luton were 23rd in The Championship when he left and they were subsequently RELEGATED, which iz not mentioned at all on the NUFC website!

Readin between the lines, wor beloved? owner The Fat Controller doesnt want to sack Bruce and pay him 1.5 million in compensation!

So the next best thing is to undermine him by bringing in yet another 'assistant' coach as Bruce can't coach!

This we believe is to humiliate him into resigning! (And miss oot on a massive pay off!)

Then The Fat Controller can appoint Jones az manager, when Bruce finally walks! (Or so he hopes!)

In the meantime we can anly hope that Jones can sort a system oot where we actually venture into the opposition's half and not put 10 men behind the baall and hope against hope for a breakaway goal or a nil-nil draw!

We will soon find oot, az we play The Toffee Noses of Evertin at Goodison Park in the the orly Saturday dinnaatime kick off!

Meanwhile, talking of Bruce, he said that he woz withoot a few key players for the Leeedz game and that it hadn't been possible to play hiz best team!

But lookin at the team and subs, apart from Sean Longstaff (who haz been left oot several times) we cannot work oot who exactly he meenz?

The invisible men, perhaps?

*