Tuesday, 30 September 2014

THE P*SS POTTERS 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 30th September 2014

"WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME???"
ALAN P45DEW STANDS ON THE TOUCHLINE IN HIZ BLACK 
DESIGNER SUIT (centre of pic)  IN THE TORRENTIAL RAIN
TRYIN' TO PROVE A POINT!
("WHY DON'T YOO BEAT YOURSELF UP INSTEAD, ALAN????") 

Six of us travelled doon to Staffordshire for this one in mee 'canny tranny' mini bus, namely 'Big Al' <(not! the sheet metal workers son!), 'International 'Russ'cue', 'Mal the Inglish Skoool Teeechaa', 'Biffa the Beer' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer'! (plus meesel of course!)

We arrived two and a qwaataa hours before the kick off, parked up and heeded for 'The Locomotive' for some serious tonsil ticklin! <(not much for me however--az aa waz drivin'!)

'The Loco' iz aboot a 20 to 25 minute waalk from the groond and az we set off light rain waz faallin'!---This soon torned to torrential az we made wor way across a busy duel carriageway and maze of waalkways. By the time we got to the away entrance we were absolutleee soacked to the skin and mee waterproof jacket waz provin' to be ' anything but' az mee tee shirt waz wringin wet az well!---a great start to the evenin'!

The two teams ran oot from the corner players tunnel next to us to a mixture of cheers and boos!---'Cheers' for the Toon team and 'boos' for wor beleaguered manager!
The Toon were wearin' wor horrendous new 'away number' of dark blue and lime green halved shirts, lime green shorts and dark blue socks! <(the Toon kit designer obviously haz something against us!) 

P45DEW stood on the touchline az the game kicked off az the heavy rain came doon and he looked a forlorn figure in the orly minutes of the half!
Az usual we couldn't get 'oot of the blocks' and paid a heavy price az Sissoko lost the baall and a cross from a Stoke player foond the heed of the unmarked 'beanpole' Peter Crouch and he had the easy task of heedin' past Tim Krul to score wot torned oot to be the anly goal of the game in the 15th minute!
1st HALF *** THE TOON ATTACK THE BOOTHEN END

P45DEW looked a pathetic figure az he stood by himself drenched to the bone, tryin' to prove some ridiculous point that he could get wetter than anybody else, instead of takin' shelter in the dugoot with the rest of the coachin' staff!

The fans fury waz gettin' louder by the minute and a section of the seats at the front of wor end had been cordoned off to stop any potential  pitch invader(s) reachin' him!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GOAL IN FRONT OF WOR FANS
(NOTE THE EMPTY RED SEATS AT THE FRONT TO STOP PITCH INVADERS!)

We simply couldn't break doon the P*ss Potters defence and near the end Jack Colback missed the easiest of chances with the goal open, but somehow managed to hit the bar and the chance waz gone!--much to the anguish of the Toon faitful <(this ISNT a spellin misteak!) behind that goal!

Anothaa abysmal performance from us against a P*ss poor Potters team meenz that we gan in to the month of October withoot a solitary win under wor belt and lie in 2nd bottom place just aheed of Bornley on goal difference!

After the match P45DEW stated the blindingly obvious!
"We are in the bottom three!", he said under baited breath!

"Actually Alan, we are in the bottom "TWO!"

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Coloccini, Dummett, Tiote, Colback, Sissoko, Cabella (Sammy Ameobi 74), Gouffran (Obertan 67), Riviere (Cisse 46)

Attendance: 26,332 (1,751 p*ssed off Toon fans!)

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