Sunday 1 April 2012


Updated 9:30am bells' Monday April 2nd 2012

The April Fools Day live telly game waz won by 'The Toon' az 'Cringin Kenny's Calamitous Club Capitulated'<(try sayin that afta drinkin' 20 pints of liquid lubrication!)

Demba Cisse waz The Toon hero az he scored twice to secure the points and a ELEVEN point gap ower the 'Lacklustre Liverbirds!'
Ben Arfa was the playmaker behind both goals and he had an absolutleee brilliant game.

The forst goal came in the 19th minute when Ben Arfa sent a pinpoint cross in from the Milburn Stand touchline and Cisse heeded in off the near post to give us the lead @ The Gallowgate End.

Goal number two came in the 2nd half on the hour mark @ The Leazes End when Ben Arfa again supplied Cisse in the box and he seemed to hesitate 'in slow motion' before placin' his shot beyond Riena in The Liverbirds goal. 

The 3,000 Mickeymousers in 'Level 7' were waalkin' alone lang before the final whistle (az half of them had aalready left!) and it was 'Cringin Kenny' who waz 'The April Fool' on this occasion and surely he haz been 'foond oot' by 'The Kopites' by now???

Jose Enrique had to endure some horrendous stick az his "You'll NEVER be in the top SIX!"- comments backfired dramatically and he actually ended up in goal, az Pepe Reina was sent off for stickin' a 'Glasgow Kiss' <(that Rab C Nesbitt wouldn't have been proud of!)  on Toon defender James Perch!
'Andy Pandy' and 'Bellaz the Poison Dwarf' were humiliatingly substituted by 'King Kenny'?<(yiv GOT to be jokin!) and 'Pandy', (who waz booked in the forst half for a blatent dive in the penalty area!), stormed off doon the players tunnel in a huff after hoyin' hiz red shirt away, never to be seen again!< (NOT on April Fools Day, anyway!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Perch, Gutierrez (Gosling 65), Tiote, Cabaye, Ben Arfa (Santon 90), Cisse (Shola Ameobi 74), Ba

Attendance: 52,363 (3,000 plus 'You'll never walk aloneites'!) 

The table az it stands @ '9:50pm bells' Monday

1 Cockney Glory Hunters of Salford---played 31---points 76---Champions League

2 Blue Moonies 31/71---Champions League

3 The Arse 31/58---Champions League

4 Happy Harrys Hotspors 31/58---Champions League

5 Kings Road OAP's 31/53---Europa League

6 THE TOON 31/53---Europa League, but only if The Liverbirds beat The Toffee Noses in the FA Cup semis. If they dont then 6th place wont be good enough!

7 The Toffee Noses 31/43---Europa League, but only IF they reach the FA Cup final

8 The Liverbirds 31/42---Europa League qualification through League Cup success

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