AWAY THE LADS! (OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!)

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 8th April 2021

News that away fans might be banned from travellin', iz deein the roonds!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have aalready made contingency plans and booked trains to King's Cross in London for wor last game of the season v Fulim, az we were told that some away fans would be allowed in!

We took a chance that we might, just might get some of the 400 away match tickets on offer, so booked the trains az they were filling up! (No one allowed to stand if train seats are taken!) We are on the '8:55 bells' train doon on the Sunday mornin' and are booked to come back on the '7:30 bells' train on Sunday neet!

However!, we hear that the Premyaa Leegue clubs have got 'cold feet' and anly want home fans in attendance, az to accommodate away fans with the covid restrictions in place, would be tooo much hassle! 😬

We will still gan doon anyway and watch the match somewhere in a boozer if the above iz the case, but meeenwhile we live in hope!🙏

"GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!---WE FINK WE'VE FOOND THE MOLE!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 6th April 2021

BRUCEY PLAYS MIND GAMES---WITH HIMSELF!

Havin' faallin oot with the players, press, media and fans, wor 'mixed up' heed coach Steve 'I'm in Denial' Bruce, haz come oot with 2 mixed 'mind games' messages to contradict and argue with HIMSELF!

A MONTH AGO

NOW!?

We leave yoo to draw your own conclusions!?

MEEENWHILE!---SOMEWHERE INSIDE THE NUFC TRAININ' GROOND! 

"ARE YOO CHARNLEY IN DISGUISE?"

"COME ON VILLA!--COME ON WOLVES!--COME ON ANYBODY WHO PLAYS FULIM, ETC!"

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Easter Munday 5th April 2021

Wot a desperately sad situation we find worsels in!

Hopin that teams we don't really like, like Villa and Man U, WIN against wor relegation rivals, az WE can anly draw or lose!

For 17 minutes on Sunday NUFC went into the bottom 3 when ex Toon player Mitrovic scored for Fulim v Villa. Thankfully Fulim imploded and Villa won 3-1 in the final minutes to lift us back to 17th place!--Lady luck woz with us, eventually!

And then it woz Brightin's torn to have us chewin wor finger nails, when they went 1-0 up at Moan U----Again lady luck woz on wor side and the home side came back to win 2-1 in the final minutes of the game! This keeps Brightin within touchin distance, 3 points aheed of us!

WOR performance v Sporz woz much better, but we could still anly draw and Brucey made on that it woz a famous victory in hiz post match presser! (Just 2 wins in 21 now, Brucey!)

Indeed, if Harry Kane's shot with 4 mins to gan had went in off the post, instead of gannin oot for a goal kick, the score would have been 3-1 to them and game ower!

Wot happened of course woz that Dubravka took the goal kick, which eventually ended up in front of Joe Willock to fire home the equaliser, to give us a precious point!

1-3 to 2-2 within a minute! Lady luck woz on wor side!

And then this Friday Fulim are at home to Wolves, so of course we will be shouting for the away team for 90 minutes!

A Fulim win would put us in the bottom 3---anything else iz a bonus! (NUFC don't play Bornley away til Sunday!)

Fine margins indeed, in wor quest to stay up!--But WILL lady luck be on wor side NEXT weekend?🙏

VILLA SAVE BRUCEY'S BACON!---FOR NOW!

 Posted '7:00pm bells' Easter Sunday 4th April 2021

Wor 2-2 draw v Sporz this afternooon and Fulim's late 3-1 defeat at Villa, meenz that we are still ootside the relegation places!---for now! (NUFC briefly went into the bottom 3 for 17 minutes, when Fulim went 1-0 up at Villa!)

However!, Fulim's next game iz v Wolves next Friday and NUFC don't play Bornley til Sunday, meeenin that IF Fulim win, we we WILL drop into the relegation zone, if that happens!

But we've got a temporary reprieve for now, so let's enjoy the rest of wor Easter eggs while we can!

"HAPPY EASTER TO AALL WOR REEEDERS!"

RAFA BENITEGGS---REMEMBER HIM?

THE TOON V SPORZ TODAY *** KICK OFF 2:05 BELLS'

 Posted from '1:00pm bells' onwards, Easter Sunday 4th April 2021

Another must win game when Brucey finks a draw will dee!

He's picked Joelinton again, despite the fact that he hasn't scored one solitary home Prem goal this season, but at least he haz got Dwight Gayle up front!

OR will he be playin in the Brucey invented 'split striker' roll?

Aall the incidents and action will be online just after it happen on wor new laptop!

Let's hope it brings us some luck!?

*18th min   Gayle misses good chance from a yard oot! 3 efforts on target so far! Brucey will be pleased!?

*28TH MIN GOAL! JOELINTON SHOT!

1ST HOME GOAL THIS SEASON! (Leazes End)(Above)

*29th min goal,  kane equaliser with easy chance!

Lead lasted 1 minute!

*33rd min  kane shot and goal   2-1 doon!

*HT 2-1 doon    Doesnt look good!

*70th min  Joelinton fires wide when it was easier to score!!!

Saint Max on for Gayle?

*77th min   Willock on for Krafth

*84 min   kane hits post!

84th min GOAL MURPHY 2-2!!

Sorry WILLOCK SCORED WITH A FINE STRIKE FROM CLOSE IN! (Above)

FT 2-2   A precious point for certain -- now we need Villa to dee us a favour and beat Fulim!  IF Fulim win they will gan above us on goal difference and put us in the bottom 3!

*

*

THE TOON v SPORZ *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '7:00pm bells' Easter Saturday 3rd April 2021

"THE FOG ON THE TYNE IZ AALL MINE, AALL MINE!"

'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' and hiz West Brom side amazingly won 5-2 away to 10 man Chelski today, to move within 7 points of The Toon and vastly improve their goal difference! (Although, wor goal difference iz still 14 better than theirs! (-20 to -34) 

When everybody thought that the race to avoid the last relegation place woz between NUFC and Fulim, then they will have to 'fink' again!

Wor game v Sporz tomorrow now takes on a new meanin' and with wor top goalscorer Callum Wilson still crocked we can just see how wor beleaguered heed coach will set oot hiz formation!

With a formidable strike force of Son, Bale and Kane for Sporz, Brucey will ne doubt revort to a '10 men behind the baall' formation in the blind hope of nickin a point off the norf Londoners!

Brucey haz said that we need 9 points from the 9 remainin' games to stay up, so it doesnt take 'The brain of Britain' to work that one oot!

Of course if plan 'A' doesnt work, WHEN Sporz score (az they surely will!) we dont have a plan 'B' to hit back!

Will he play Joelinton again az a false 9 (the falsest 9 in wor history by the way!), or will he bring Carroll and Gayle into the fray in the blind hope that we might actually score a goal?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here (on mee brand new £420 laptop!) az it happens!---And YES! we will have a few 'liquid lubrications' to consume az the game progresses!

Straight after wor game, Fulim take on Villa in the west Midlands and defeat for 'us' and a win for 'them' will drop us into the bottom 3 for the forst time this season, with just 8 games to gan!

Here's hopin' against hope(again!) that this doesnt actually happen and that, just like West Brom, we can pull off an unexpected win!?

Fingers (and toes!) crossed!🤞🦶

EVERY ONE A 'ONE'!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Good Friday 2nd April 2021

MARKS FROM 1 TO 5,  EVERY  ONE A 'ONE' FROM NUFC FANS! (From The Athletic News survey of Premyaa Leegue clubs fans!)

The local Toon rag 'The Ronny-Gill' aalso did a poll and 95% of fans want Bruce to gan! Az for the other 5%, they must be smb supporters?)

"In Denial" Bruce haz issued a statement in hiz latest press conference orlier this mornin'

In it he says that, "The performance against Brighton simply wasn't good enough!" (Just Brightin, Steve? AND 25 other games?) 

"The last thing I want to do is walk away!" (And lose 4 million quid severance pay!)

"I will NEVER walk away from a challenge!" (Except at Sheff U, Wigan, Palace, Bormingham, Hull and of course Sheff Wed!)

"Certain individuals are entitled to their opinion---of course they are! (50,000, plus!) But I'm determined to see it through (aalmost certain relegation if wor tactics don't change!) and that's what I'll try and do!"

Delusional til the end---game!

NUFC, RUN AND MANAGED BY CLOWNS!

 Posted 'midneet bells' Good Friday 2nd April 2021

PREDICTED PREDICTION!

"In Denial" Bruce's press conference iz comin up later today and The Geordie Times iz predictin some of what he will say!

"Spurs is a tough game, just like Newport, Brentford and Sheffield United!"

"It is what it isn't!"

"We're are where we aren't!"

"It's the accumulation of pies at the end of the season that matters! Er!, sorry! That's POINTS and pies!"🥮🥮🥮

THE ATHLETIC NEWS PREMYAA LEEGUE FAN SURVEY RESULTS!

THE DAMING STATS!

POLL POSITION!

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Tuesday 30th March 2021

14,000 Toon fans responded to a poll in the Toon's local paper (The Ronny-Gill) and 95% have said they want wor beleagered manager to eethaa resign or be sacked! (We suspect that some who want him to stay are smb supporters!)

Brucey haz buried his *'mincers' in his face mask (see above!) 'in denial of the predicament we are in' and refused to resign, statin that he iz the best man for the job? And of course he wants hiz £4 million compensation should he be sacked---nowt if he does resign! (*Mincers= mince pies =eyes!)

Wor silent MD, known as Penfold, for his uncanny resemblance to the cartoon character from the 'Danger Mouse' TV series, takes his orders from the Toon owner, known affectionately as 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans and the word is that they are NOT gannih sack him for the above reason! 

Brucey actually believes that he will still be in charge NEXT season!---A nightmare scenario for certain! And in what division?

Rumour has it that Brucey refused to take trainin last week, as the fallout with some players haz reached breaking point! ---And of course there is 'the mole', giving snippets of info to the press!

This is ridiculous and sommik must give before too lang az this situation can surely not continue az we gan from bad to worse!

GAYLE FORCE BREEZE!

 Posted '3:09pm bells' Munday 29th March 2021

MESSAGE UNDERSTOOD!

News that Dwight Gayle haz signed a new 3 year contract on reduced torms reaches us!

If anything, this shows the clubs thoughts of escaping the drop! Gayle has made just 2 starts this season and has been an unused sub on several occasions! He is 31 and at best iz a Championship striker and simply not good enough for the Premyaa Leegue!

The message from the hierarchy IZ, Championship futbaall next season is more likely than not, so we are makin contingency plans for that scenario aalready!

Whereaz Gayle haz every chance of scoring against the likes of Bormingham City, he haz nee chance of scoring against the likes of Man City!

And this from a club that iz still 2 points clear of the drop zone with 9 games to gan!

DO YOO GET THE MESSAGE?

LOUD AND CLEAR!