NEE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN V THE TOON *** TOONEET!

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Saturday 20th March 2021

The Middle of Neewhere AMEX Stadium 

(Brightin is in the far distance on the horizon 6 miles away, next to the sea!)

Tooneet at '8 bells' NUFC play wor most important game of the season when we take on Brightin at The Amex!

Fulim's 2-1 defeat last neet woz an unexpected bonus for both us and Brightin in the race for safety!

A win for eethaa side will ease their relegation worries for certain! In wor case we would be 5 points above Fulim with a game in hand and Brighton would be 6 points from 3rd bottom should they win!

We at The Geordie Times hope and pray that Brucey doesnt put 10 men behind the baall and gan for a nil-nil draw, but unfortunately that's wot will probably happen!

We have it from a unreliable source that Almiron woz on the plane yesterday from Toon airport (a friend of a friend of a friend, who works at the airport!) which gives us attacking options!---But will wor 'manager in denial' have a brainwave and actually try to field a team to try and score a goal? (In 7 previous top flight games we have never won and scored just ONE solitary goal against the team who play in the middle of neewhere!) (3 nil-nil draws az well!)

It shud be noted however, that Brightin have won just ONE home game this season in the Premyaa Leegue (v Sporz)

We will of course be sitting by wor laptop at wor hoose, norvisely suppin large quantities of the broon stuff to get us completely comatosed before kick off time!

A minute by minute action report will appear here in due course from '7pm bells' onwards when the teams are annoonced!

Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

*

*15th minute: Commentator apologises for the industrial language from the NUFC bench!

Aall Brightin so far!  Not good enough!

*24thminute: Commentator    Dubravka in NUFC goal haz had most touches for a NUFC player!  (Just aboot sums it up so far!) Nee shots  27% possession!

*Commentator: 31st minute: Can Bruce survive another hour of this?

*35th minute: Corner to Toon!    Shud we dee a lap of honour?

*39th minute: picture froze on laptop! "Get in!" (Pic comes back on!😳)

*42nd minute  Hayden injured   carried off on stretcher! Hendrick on!

Bruce doesnt even gan ower to console Hayden!

*45+3  goal for Brightin

1-0 doon!

*HT  nee shots on goal

Commentator: This has been a tough watch if you are a Newcasil fan!  (Yoo can say that again!)

*49th minute   Fraser hits Brightin post! 

*51st minute: goal to Brightin--game ower! 

*61st minute: Commentator  Newcasil playing 4-1-4-1 now!

*67th minute   3-0 to brightin   three f***** nil!

FT 3-0  NUFC never had ONE shot on goal in BOTH the 3-0 defeats by Brightin!

'In Denial' Bruce during the match, HIDIN' hiz EYES in his face mask!

NO HIDING PLACE NOW, STEVE!

And at St. James' Park tooneet!--Some new banners!

SPIRIT IN THE TIE!

 Posted 'midneet bells' Friday 19th March 2021, and updated from 'high noon bells', onwards

*Steve Bruce iz looking for the same spirit, when NUFC face Brightin in crunch trip!

The next two days will surely divine wor season, as Fulim take on Leeedz at Craven Cottage tooneet and a win for the home side will drop us to the 3rd relegation spot!   A bad omen is that Leeedz havint won in London for 3 years, but aall Toon fans will be hopin that they can finally put this hoodoo to bed!

Then tomorrow 'The Toon' travel to the south coast to play wor most important game of the season so far, when we take on Brightin at The Amex! 

And a bad omen for THAT iz WE havent beaten them in 8(EIGHT!) attempts in the Premyaa Leegue and unbelievably we have scored just 1(ONE!) solitary goal against them in aall eight games!!! (Pathetic!)

Brucey says that he wants the same spirit az we showed in the Villa game last Friday! (see above photo!)

Win and we gan back above both Fulim and Brightin!

Draw or lose and we stay 3rd bottom if Fulim win!

Updated 'high noon bells' onwards

"I'm in Denial" Bruce press conference this mornin'

"I only want what's best for the club and over the last few months in particular, I haven't been good enough to get the results that this club demands!" (A complete contradiction if yoo ask us!) In other words, I'm not good enough but I won't resign coz I want my 4 million!

"We are out of our bad period!" (Draw,Draw,Draw,Lost,Lost?)

(NUFC are the anly top flight club not to have won any of wor last 5 games!)   Bruce again: "Can we get 17/18 points in the last 10 games?" (To end up with 45/46 points!!!!!)(Can pigs fly?🐷?)

(We would need to average nearly 2 points a game to get that!---current average ONE point per game!)

HOPE THIS DOESN'T COME BACK TO HAUNT HIM TOONEET!?

GEORDIE TIMES COMMENT!

What we reeely need iz an accumulation of PINTS to get completly comatosed before '8 bells' tomorrow neet!😳🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🥴

Update after the Fulim game here ⇊ at '10:00pm bells'🙏

*Great news from The Cottage! Leeedz won 2-1 which meenz a win tomorrow at Brightin will take us 5 points clear of Fulim with a game in hand az well!

So pleeeze, pleeeeeze Brucey, for gods sake dont try and play for a goalless draw!

Beleeeve it or not I couldn't bare to watch tooneets game, so I watched a documentary aboot the Bronte sisters on mee laptop instead!

I'm a Bronte fanatic now!----Must do this more often when rival relegation rivals play!

TOON TELLY TIMES!

 Posted 'midneet bells' Thorsday 18th March 2021

*

   ☠ "Shiver mee timbers!" ☠

The latest telly and laptophoppers times have been annoonced 3 days ago!

Saturday 20th March,  Nee Where Near Brightin, away '8:00 bells' on Sky AND! ☠

Sunday 4th April, Sporz, SJP '2:05 bells' on Sky AND! ☠

Sunday 11th April, The Bornley Hillbillies, away, 'high noon bells' on Sky AND! ☠

Better late than never!  But this IZ 'The Geordie Times' after aall, wot do yoo expect?

Remember wor motto:

"We will bring yoo aall the NUFC news 2nd hand forst!"(Or is it forst hand 2nd???)🤔

IT'S AZ THOUGH 'THE FAT CONTROLLER' WANTS US RELEGATED!

 Posted '2:00am bells' Tuesday 16th March 2021

    Special thanx to 'Wor Flags'!

Az per usual there iz deathly silence from those at the decision makin end of NUFC!

Not one word aboot wor prediciment from wor absent owner 'The Fat Controller' or MD 'Penfold'!?  To dee nothin', suck your thumbs and hope for the best, iz criminal, az we sink forthaa into the mire!

It iz obvious to everyman and hiz dog that unless Brucey iz shown the door, then the trapdoor will open and we are AALMOST certain be jettisoned doon to The Championship yet again!

Iz this wor fate?  To 'yo-yo' between the top flight and 2nd tier forevermore?

The big difference this time iz that yoo WON'T have fans queuin aroond the block of St James' clammerin' to buy season tickets for the relegation to the Championship! (Az happened when Rafa woz here!)

Instead the exact opposite will happen, az fans, fed up with Bruce's excuses and this dreadful fare, will abandon the sinkin' ship in their thooosands!

Honestly, if we gan doon and get average gates of 30,000 next season I will be amazed, IF the present regime and manager are still here!?

The wage bill of potential ruin!

And of course the players wage bill iz astronomical, with the likes of Joelinton on ower 86 grand a week, with nee relegation clauses in their contracts!----A recipe for disaster!---UNLESS!--The Fat Controller haz something up hiz sleeve aboot the inpendin and never endin takeower saga?

    Again, special thanx to 'Wor flags'!

PS: We at 'The Geordie Times' want Brucey to prove that we are aall wrang!--WE REEELY DEE!🙏

A POINT'S A POINT, BUT WHAT'S THE POINT!?

 Posted '3:15pm bells' Sunday 14th March 2021

IT'S THE ACCUMULATION OF POINTS!

On Friday neet after wor 1-1 draw v Villa, wor 3rd draw in a row, wor manager Steve "I'm in Denial" Bruce said that "A point's a point, we move on!" (It's the accumulation of points after aall!)

Since then, relegation rivals Bornley and Brightin have both claimed THREE valuable points with victories ower Evaatin and Sooothampton respectively!

In Bornley's case, they move 5 points aheed of us and az for Brightin, they 'leapfrog' us up to 16th place with a point more!

Az Fulim play Leedz on Friday neet, they too will 'leapfrog' us and put us into the bottom 3 if they win, before we play (guess who?) BRIGHTIN away on Saturday neet!

Aall of this woz avoidable of course, but wor 'beloved?' owner 'The Fat Controller' and hiz advisors couldn't see what 50,000 Toon fans could see, and sack Bruce before it woz too late!

Indeed!---even if they DO sack him now it may WELL be tooo late, with just 10 games to play!

Totally avoidable, but who are WE to question 'The Fat Controller's 'wisdom'? ---or complete lack of it az the case may be---for the THORD time in 12 years!

"SPLIT STRIKERS? MORE LIKE A SPLIT PERSONALITY!"

 Posted from '7:45pm bells' onwards, Saturday 13th March 2021

A NEW FLAG FOR 'THE STRAWBERRY CORNER', PERHAPS!? 

Results of othaa teams have not gone wor way today, in wor fight to avoid the drop!

Wor under pressure manager Steve "I'm in Denial" Bruce haz said that we were playin with a 'false' number 9 (yoo can say that again!) and  'split' strikers yesterday? (whatever thats supposed to mean?)

These bizzare new sayings from Brucey are the latest in a lang line of garbage he spews oot in press conferences! "We are where we are!", "It is what it is!" etc

This haz resulted in a point a game from the last 3 games, az others aroond us pick up a maximum 3 points! ("Its' the accumulation of points at the end of the season!"-----"A points a point, we move on!"---Guess who?)

Az we write this, Bornley have picked up 3 massive points at Evaatin in a 2-1 win to widen the gap to 5 points between us!

Orlier on, Cristill Palliss beat Fat Sam's WBA 1-0 to move 9 points clear of us and virtual safety!

Wot does this mean for NUFC?----well instead of 8 or 9 teams in the relegation battle, there are now anly 5, Brucey!-----2 of which look doomed (Sheff U and WBA) which leaves Fulim, Brightin and NUFC to fill the thord bottom place!

Fulim are at home to Man City soon and we can anly hope and pray that the champions elect can grab the 3 points!

IF Fulim win (god forbid!) then they will move above us by one point!  The Geordie Times won't be watchin' or listenin', for fear of puttin' the 'kiss of death' on the result we want!🙏

We will update later when the above game iz finished at '10:00 bells'

(Brightin play away to Sooothampton tomorrow and IF they win az well, we will drop into the relegation zone!!!!)

Updated '10:00pm bells' 

Man City beat Fulim 3-0 so we can't gan into the bottom 3 even if Brightin win tomorrow!  The result aalso dents Fulim's goal difference, which iz now anly 3 better than wors and we have a game in hand ower them!

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS *** TOONEET AT '8:00 BELLS'

 Posted from '7:00pm bells' onwards, Friday 12th March 2021

NUFC play another must win, must win game tooneet v Villa at SJP

With just 11 games left to save worsels, things are gettin desperate az we are just one point above Fulim in the relegation zone!

Below are "I'm' in Denial" Bruce's programme notes from tooneets game!?

It woz 7 or 8 teams in trouble last week---now its 5 or 6 ?

Updates will be posted below az we watch on nervously from Geordie Times HQ on wor laptop!

*The glow of the floodlights at St. James' Park from Geordie Times HQ at '7:09pm bells'

*'7:40 bells'  Joelinton iz 60/1 to have 2 heeders on target!

No joke!  SkyBet

*Commentator: "Not one Newcastle player in the team has scored more than one goal this season!"

RIP  GLENN ***LOST BUT NOT FORGOTTEN!

*4th min: Fraser shot on target at Leazes End

*HT 0-0  1 shot from NUFC!     A nil-nil draw looks wor best outcome az Villa are better team!

Possession 50/50

*Hour mark: nee forthaa shots on goal so far!

*shot on target for Villa's Target----on hiz own goal!!!

*81st min: Murphy hits bar at Gallowgate End!

*85th min: goal for Villa  og by Clark!  Oh no!

88th Carroll on   too little tooo late!? 

94th minute: GOAL FOR TOON   LASCELLES HEEDER!

FT 1-1   GOT OOT OF JAIL!

FOR NOW!!!!

Post match!

NUFC have now won just 2 games oot of the last 19 and wor manager said this!

He can't coont! It's THREE! (Wolves1-1, WBA 0-0 and Villa!)

Footnote: Wor number 6 defender Jamaal Lascelles, haz now scored two goals in the last two home games!

Wor number 9 striker Joelinton, hazzint scored in ANY home games this season, stretchin back some 7 months!

ie: Play wor number 6 up front and play Joelinton at cards, Steve!

♣️♦️♠️♥️⬅️ NOT a love heart!

BRUCEY THE RECORD BREAKER!

 Posted from '1:50am bells' onwards, Friday 12th March 2021

Sheff Weds record breaker!

(Bruce reacts to a bad Joelinton miss at WBA)

'I'm in Denial' Bruce says he'll take the buck and accepts full responsibility for the mess we are in--and then in total contrast blames covid for wor predicament!????

(ie: I take the blame, but it's not my fault of course!)

A total shambles!

It's matchday at SJP and we take on Villa at '8:00 bells' in yet another must, must win game to avoid dropping into the bottom 3 --It's 'now or never' with just 11 games to gan! 

The good news (if there's any good news involving NUFC?) iz that Villa's top goals scorer Jack Grealish, is oot with a leg injury!

We of course are withoot a trio of key players and who will lead the line tooneet iz anybody's guess? (If anybody?)  

And just wot formation wor tactical genius? of a heed coach will put oot, iz open to debate! (Chuck some available players numbers in the air and gan from there?)

Yoo know, at one time in mee younger days aa used to luv match days and used to get very excited before games!

In complete contrast I am dreading watchin toneet on mee laptop!---There is absolutely nee joy whatsoever in watchin us anymore!

We have went from bein' the most entertaining team in futbaall to the most borin' in the space of 25 years, as we continue the downward momentum thanx to The Fat Controller and hiz advisors!?

(Even a weak shot on goal iz considered a 'plus point' these days!)

The 6.75 million fee we paid Sheff Wed for 59 year old Bruce, iz a club record for them for an out goin' 'transfer'

So Steve Bruce iz indeed a record breaker! (Who, in their right mind would pay such a fee for a twice relegated failed manager!?--anly NUFC of course!)

More to follow on aall this later today!

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD DO THIS!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 10th March 2021

46.75 million quid!  That's how much in total NUFC paid to entice Bruce from Sheff Wed and Joelinton from Hoffenheim!

Who in their right mind would pay so much for a failed manager, who has been relegated twice with Bormingham and Hull! (6.75 million, apparently!)

And as for Joelinton, he was watched 20 odd times before we forked oot a staggerin 40 million quid for a centre forward who haz scored a paltry 3 goals in ower 60 Premyaa Leegue games for The Toon!   It woz soon realised that Joe woz not a centre forward or a goal poacher!

Rather a bit useless aall roond, az he has assisted just 4 goals in aall that time az well!

And then we find oot that players have not got a wage reduction clause in their contracts, should we get relegated!

This club is so incompetent it beggars belief that we now find worsels in this calamitous situation!

We play one of Bruce's former clubs The Aston Villians on Friday at SJP and we reeely must win this game and the upcomin away game at Brightin --or else we fear the worst from the worst run club in The Premyaa Leegue! (And beyond!)

FROM THE 'RONNIE- GILL'!

ACCUMULATION OF POINTS---A SIMPLE EXPLANATION!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 8th March 2021

What happened to the home defeat by Palace in the last 6 games?---We've done OK?---2 wins in the last 18?

Steve Bruce's points accumulation formula!

*