A POINT'S A POINT, BUT WHAT'S THE POINT!?

 Posted '3:15pm bells' Sunday 14th March 2021

IT'S THE ACCUMULATION OF POINTS!

On Friday neet after wor 1-1 draw v Villa, wor 3rd draw in a row, wor manager Steve "I'm in Denial" Bruce said that "A point's a point, we move on!" (It's the accumulation of points after aall!)

Since then, relegation rivals Bornley and Brightin have both claimed THREE valuable points with victories ower Evaatin and Sooothampton respectively!

In Bornley's case, they move 5 points aheed of us and az for Brightin, they 'leapfrog' us up to 16th place with a point more!

Az Fulim play Leedz on Friday neet, they too will 'leapfrog' us and put us into the bottom 3 if they win, before we play (guess who?) BRIGHTIN away on Saturday neet!

Aall of this woz avoidable of course, but wor 'beloved?' owner 'The Fat Controller' and hiz advisors couldn't see what 50,000 Toon fans could see, and sack Bruce before it woz too late!

Indeed!---even if they DO sack him now it may WELL be tooo late, with just 10 games to play!

Totally avoidable, but who are WE to question 'The Fat Controller's 'wisdom'? ---or complete lack of it az the case may be---for the THORD time in 12 years!

"SPLIT STRIKERS? MORE LIKE A SPLIT PERSONALITY!"

 Posted from '7:45pm bells' onwards, Saturday 13th March 2021

A NEW FLAG FOR 'THE STRAWBERRY CORNER', PERHAPS!? 

Results of othaa teams have not gone wor way today, in wor fight to avoid the drop!

Wor under pressure manager Steve "I'm in Denial" Bruce haz said that we were playin with a 'false' number 9 (yoo can say that again!) and  'split' strikers yesterday? (whatever thats supposed to mean?)

These bizzare new sayings from Brucey are the latest in a lang line of garbage he spews oot in press conferences! "We are where we are!", "It is what it is!" etc

This haz resulted in a point a game from the last 3 games, az others aroond us pick up a maximum 3 points! ("Its' the accumulation of points at the end of the season!"-----"A points a point, we move on!"---Guess who?)

Az we write this, Bornley have picked up 3 massive points at Evaatin in a 2-1 win to widen the gap to 5 points between us!

Orlier on, Cristill Palliss beat Fat Sam's WBA 1-0 to move 9 points clear of us and virtual safety!

Wot does this mean for NUFC?----well instead of 8 or 9 teams in the relegation battle, there are now anly 5, Brucey!-----2 of which look doomed (Sheff U and WBA) which leaves Fulim, Brightin and NUFC to fill the thord bottom place!

Fulim are at home to Man City soon and we can anly hope and pray that the champions elect can grab the 3 points!

IF Fulim win (god forbid!) then they will move above us by one point!  The Geordie Times won't be watchin' or listenin', for fear of puttin' the 'kiss of death' on the result we want!🙏

We will update later when the above game iz finished at '10:00 bells'

(Brightin play away to Sooothampton tomorrow and IF they win az well, we will drop into the relegation zone!!!!)

Updated '10:00pm bells' 

Man City beat Fulim 3-0 so we can't gan into the bottom 3 even if Brightin win tomorrow!  The result aalso dents Fulim's goal difference, which iz now anly 3 better than wors and we have a game in hand ower them!

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS *** TOONEET AT '8:00 BELLS'

 Posted from '7:00pm bells' onwards, Friday 12th March 2021

NUFC play another must win, must win game tooneet v Villa at SJP

With just 11 games left to save worsels, things are gettin desperate az we are just one point above Fulim in the relegation zone!

Below are "I'm' in Denial" Bruce's programme notes from tooneets game!?

It woz 7 or 8 teams in trouble last week---now its 5 or 6 ?

Updates will be posted below az we watch on nervously from Geordie Times HQ on wor laptop!

*The glow of the floodlights at St. James' Park from Geordie Times HQ at '7:09pm bells'

*'7:40 bells'  Joelinton iz 60/1 to have 2 heeders on target!

No joke!  SkyBet

*Commentator: "Not one Newcastle player in the team has scored more than one goal this season!"

RIP  GLENN ***LOST BUT NOT FORGOTTEN!

*4th min: Fraser shot on target at Leazes End

*HT 0-0  1 shot from NUFC!     A nil-nil draw looks wor best outcome az Villa are better team!

Possession 50/50

*Hour mark: nee forthaa shots on goal so far!

*shot on target for Villa's Target----on hiz own goal!!!

*81st min: Murphy hits bar at Gallowgate End!

*85th min: goal for Villa  og by Clark!  Oh no!

88th Carroll on   too little tooo late!? 

94th minute: GOAL FOR TOON   LASCELLES HEEDER!

FT 1-1   GOT OOT OF JAIL!

FOR NOW!!!!

Post match!

NUFC have now won just 2 games oot of the last 19 and wor manager said this!

He can't coont! It's THREE! (Wolves1-1, WBA 0-0 and Villa!)

Footnote: Wor number 6 defender Jamaal Lascelles, haz now scored two goals in the last two home games!

Wor number 9 striker Joelinton, hazzint scored in ANY home games this season, stretchin back some 7 months!

ie: Play wor number 6 up front and play Joelinton at cards, Steve!

♣️♦️♠️♥️⬅️ NOT a love heart!

BRUCEY THE RECORD BREAKER!

 Posted from '1:50am bells' onwards, Friday 12th March 2021

Sheff Weds record breaker!

(Bruce reacts to a bad Joelinton miss at WBA)

'I'm in Denial' Bruce says he'll take the buck and accepts full responsibility for the mess we are in--and then in total contrast blames covid for wor predicament!????

(ie: I take the blame, but it's not my fault of course!)

A total shambles!

It's matchday at SJP and we take on Villa at '8:00 bells' in yet another must, must win game to avoid dropping into the bottom 3 --It's 'now or never' with just 11 games to gan! 

The good news (if there's any good news involving NUFC?) iz that Villa's top goals scorer Jack Grealish, is oot with a leg injury!

We of course are withoot a trio of key players and who will lead the line tooneet iz anybody's guess? (If anybody?)  

And just wot formation wor tactical genius? of a heed coach will put oot, iz open to debate! (Chuck some available players numbers in the air and gan from there?)

Yoo know, at one time in mee younger days aa used to luv match days and used to get very excited before games!

In complete contrast I am dreading watchin toneet on mee laptop!---There is absolutely nee joy whatsoever in watchin us anymore!

We have went from bein' the most entertaining team in futbaall to the most borin' in the space of 25 years, as we continue the downward momentum thanx to The Fat Controller and hiz advisors!?

(Even a weak shot on goal iz considered a 'plus point' these days!)

The 6.75 million fee we paid Sheff Wed for 59 year old Bruce, iz a club record for them for an out goin' 'transfer'

So Steve Bruce iz indeed a record breaker! (Who, in their right mind would pay such a fee for a twice relegated failed manager!?--anly NUFC of course!)

More to follow on aall this later today!

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD DO THIS!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 10th March 2021

46.75 million quid!  That's how much in total NUFC paid to entice Bruce from Sheff Wed and Joelinton from Hoffenheim!

Who in their right mind would pay so much for a failed manager, who has been relegated twice with Bormingham and Hull! (6.75 million, apparently!)

And as for Joelinton, he was watched 20 odd times before we forked oot a staggerin 40 million quid for a centre forward who haz scored a paltry 3 goals in ower 60 Premyaa Leegue games for The Toon!   It woz soon realised that Joe woz not a centre forward or a goal poacher!

Rather a bit useless aall roond, az he has assisted just 4 goals in aall that time az well!

And then we find oot that players have not got a wage reduction clause in their contracts, should we get relegated!

This club is so incompetent it beggars belief that we now find worsels in this calamitous situation!

We play one of Bruce's former clubs The Aston Villians on Friday at SJP and we reeely must win this game and the upcomin away game at Brightin --or else we fear the worst from the worst run club in The Premyaa Leegue! (And beyond!)

FROM THE 'RONNIE- GILL'!

ACCUMULATION OF POINTS---A SIMPLE EXPLANATION!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 8th March 2021

What happened to the home defeat by Palace in the last 6 games?---We've done OK?---2 wins in the last 18?

Steve Bruce's points accumulation formula!

*

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS v THE TOON *** DINNAATIME!

 Posted from '11:00am bells' onwards, Sunday 7th March 2021

Looks like a 5-4-1 defensive formation, folks!😳 NIL-NIL looks like the 'target'!

With a combined age of 126, 'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' and 'In Denial Bruce' lock horns in what the media have dubbed 'The Jurassic Park Showdoon' at 'high noon bells'! 

🦕 v 🦖

A Geordie Times mad-sad laptophoppers report will follow with live updates of goals and major incidents---az it happens!

Toon in aall yellow change strip!

*11th minute   Joelinton clean through but tries to pass to Frazer but baall cut oot!  Bruce is furious that Joe didnt score!

Commentator: 1 goal this season! Hasn't quite worked out for him! (Yoo can say that again!)

*23rd minute: Both managers look reasonably happy! (Zzzzz!) How much chewing gum does Sam get through in a season? (Commentator)

NUFC 1 shot on target

*29th minute: Shelvey shot on target, saved by WBA goalie!

*36th minute: Good save from Dubravka in Toon goal!

*HT NIL-NIL! 2 shots on target from Toon  48% possession!  WBA better team!

*56th minute: Krafth sky shot miles ower bar!

57th minute: Gayle on for Hendrick---who looks cheesed off!

60th minute: Willock shot on target, good save by WBA goalie!

70th minute: Joelinton, weak shot on target!

Commentator: you can feel the tension in the stadium! (GT: 26,000 empty seats!?)

*86th minute: Jokelinton, weak heeder easlily saved!

93rd minute: Carroll on to waste time!(on for 20 seconds before ref blew the final whistle!)

93rd minute: ref blows for FT: NIL-NIL az predicted by GT

NUFC still 9 points above WBA and 4 above Fulim who play Liverpoool very soon! "Come on yoo SCOUSERS!"

GT comment: Cannit beleeeve that we are happy with a nil-nil draw, but we are!  Aalso cannit beleeeve that Jokelinton iz still in startin line up!

Updated '4:40pm bells'

Of course, Fulim won at Anfield and they are now just a point behind us in the last relegation place!

NUFC have now won just 2 games oot of the last 18 and unbelievably Bruce iz 'happy' with a point---and had this to say! 

This should read ONE win in six!

WORDS FAIL US!!

EXACTLY ONE YEAR SINCE WE WATCHED THE TOON LIVE!

 Posted '1:30am bells' Sunday 7th March 2021

 

THE LAST TIME NUFC FANS ATTENDED AN AWAY GAME!

It seems very hard to believe that one year ago today, 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' made wor way to Sooothampton, little realisin' that this would be the last time we would travel to an away game for a whole year due to the 'bat out of hell' pandemic!

But here we are, sittin in wor hooses and readin stuff on the internet to keep us amused!

Below iz the very last live match report from 'The Geordie Times' that seems like a lifetime ago---a  fortuitous 1-0 win, which made us virtually safe from relegation----until NOW of course!

Since that game at St. Mary's we have missed a staggerin' 41 competitive games, and The Geordie Times haz done wor best to bring yoo NUFC match reports from pub big screens to little laptop screens in the hoose!  Not the same as bein' there of course, but we dee wor best to bring yoo match reports as we 'tellyhop' from game to game!

Hopefully we will aall be back inside SJP soon, to cheer the Toon on, in person!

The match report from that Sooothampton game 365 days ago, iz printed below!

THE SIMON TEMPLAR MOB 0 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2019-2020

Posted '10:58am bells' on train from London Waterloo to Soothampton! And later on pub report from Sooothampton!
Match report and more pix added at '11:36am bells' Sunday 8th March 2020

View from row 'BB' seat 1154 in The Norham End (2nd half)

"THE 'SAINT' SINKS 'THE SAINTS' AT SAINT MARY'S!"

Aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of 'me scratcher' (bed!) at the ungodly hour of '4:30am bells' to catch the train to King's Cross in London with mee travellin companions 'Sarnie Steve' and 'Big Al' (NOT the sheetmetal workers son!) and then onwards to the sooth coast via London Waaterloo station, where the most expensive pint av ever bought in a boozer in the UK woz purchased at £6:50! (see below!)

On arrival in Sooothampton we heeded for 'The Giddy Bridge' where in complete contrast mee pint cost £1:99!
It woz then onward to 2 othaa boozers, but 1 woz shut and the othaa wouldn't let us in, coz we were away fans! (again--see below!)
Wor final 'port o call' woz 'The Alex' , where we had nee problem getting in and then it woz time to heed for the visitors section at St. Mary's Stadium!

1st half action az NUFC attack the far goal

We played in wor horrible bottle green away strip (Ugggh!) and to match it the performance on the pitch woz 'horrible' az well!
We did have a chance orly on when Shelvey crossed fro the right and their keeper McCarthy ,made 2 point blank saves from Gayle and Almiron!---Gayle then had a divin heeder saved!

Matt Richie corner (2nd half)

Apart from that, both teams were lethargic in the forst half of the forst half and the tornin' point of the game came in the 27th minute when Issac Hayden woz 'met' with a leg breakin tackle from Djenepo, who woz booked by the ref---who woz then told by VAR to have anothaa look on the pitchside moniter and he changed hiz mind and issued a RED CARD instead!
Then, just before the break a 'handbaall' incident in the box woz reviewed by VAR and a penalty woz given to 'us' after aboot a 3 minute wait----Matt Ritchie took it at the far end from the away section and he hit hiz shot to the right of the Sooothampton keeper, who saved it easily----0-0 at half time!

Even against 10 men we couldn't find a way through, az we passed the SEVEN HOUR MARK withoot a goal----but then the 'moment' 11 minutes from time-----Allan Saint-Maximun latched onto a misstayk by a home defender and raced towards the box---he expertly placed hiz left foot shot (or woz it his 'right foot?) which went in off the post to finally beat their keeper!----  Some 7 hours and 19 minutes since we last scored a Premyaa Leegue goal!  
The 'SAINT' had scored against 'The SAINTS' at 'SAINT Mary's!

This resulted in wild celebration in The Norham End, where we were, az Saint-Maximin did a double somersault in front of us!  NUFC somehow managed to limp to the finishin line, movin up to 13th place in the table and above wor opponents on 35 points and 8 points above Bornmoooth in the last relegation place! (6 more needed to avoid the drop, me 'fink'x!)

SAINT Pancras-King's Cross, post match

It woz then back to London where the celebratory 'gargels' took place at SAINT Pancras-King's Cross! (Where else?) before catchin the '9 bells' train back yem----arriving back at 'wor hoose' at just before '1:00 am bells'---totally knocked with havin to get up at '4:30am bells' the previous day!----Woz it worth it???
"WHEY AYE, MAAN!"

Toon team: Debravka, Manquillo (Lazaro 72), Lascelles, Fernandez, Rose, Ritchie (Joelinton 61), Shelvey, Hayden (S. Longstaff 79), SAINT-Maximin, Gayle, Almiron

Attendance: 30,096 (2,900 relieved Toon fans!) 



The pre match 'gargels' took place here (or NOT az the case may be!)

Waterloo station, London

At £6:50 a pint I had to pay by card az I didn't have enough cash!😳

And in Sooothampton!

£1:99 a pint!

Named and shamed!

Bouncers wouldn't let us in
Said there might be a conflict of interests between 
Sooothampton and Toon fans! W*NKERS!

Not open!

The Alex   £5:00 a pint!

*The Simon Templar Mob---an explanation:
'The Saint' woz a cult TV show in the 1960s and starred Roger Moore az Simon Templar---Sooothampton's nickname iz 'The Saints'---get it ???

A MOUNTAIN OOT OF A MOLE HILL!

 Posted '2:14pm bells' Saturday 6th March 2021

Updated '10:00pm bells'

Instead of lookin 'forward' to wor vital game at West Brom tomorrow, wor beleaguered heed coach iz instead determined to look 'backwards' to find the mole that iz leakin' stories aboot trainin' groond bust ups with the likes of Matt Ritchie and the Longstaff bruvvers!

It sounds to us like this iz bein made 'a mountain oot of a mole hill story' for the press and distracts from a more important 'story' from tomorrow in the 'high noon bells' shootout at The Hawthorns!

A ready made excuse in case we draw or lose, perhaps?

Coz if we do, then we fear the worst!

Indeed Bruce has aalready said that this ISN'T a 'must win game', when everybody else knows that it IZ!

In April and May we have 5 tough games in a row comin' up v West Ham, Liverpoool, Lestaa, The Arse and MAN CITY!---Games where we will be lucky to pick any points up at aall!

So YES!--West Brom alang with upcoming games v Brightin and Bornley are aalso MUST WIN games for that reason!

A minute by minute Geordie Times 'laptophoppers' match report will appear here from '11:00am bells' tomorrow!

Az per usual--"Watch this space!"

Update '10:00pm bells'

Mixed bag of results for wor relegation rivals today!

Sooothampton won 2-0 at Sheff U who now look certain to gan doon!  Sooothampton move on to 33points

Bornley drew with The Arse and move on to 29points

Brightin have just lost 2-1 to Lestaa and remain on 26 points, the same az NUFC!  

A win for us tomorrow will take us up to 16th place!---but can we?