"IT MUCH MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME TO BE HERE TODAY IN NEWPORT
THAN TO WATCH MY NEW TEAM BREAK THE AALL TIME RECORD
OF WINLESS HOME GAMES!"
Updated '10:40am bells'
More sensational news haz reached 'The Geordie Times' via 'WhatsApp'
It haz been reported in the last few minutes that Chris Coleman will now NOT! be takin' ower at sund'lind!
It iz understood that he failed a medical when he had hiz head examined!!!!
Updated 'high noon bells'
Yet more sensational news haz reached us!
After just one game in charge former 'sund'lind supremo' Sir David Moyes < (anybody who takes sund'lind doon desorves a knighthood!) haz pleaded with West Ham fans not to boo the team and slag them off!
Watchin their game v Wotfaad, where they lost 2-0 yesterday, he looked like a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights of a car!
And (don't forget!) that's after just one game in charge!!!
PS: Some West Ham fans are caallin for Moyzys head aalready!!!