THE TOON V THE JELLIED EELS MOB *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022 *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '9:18am bells' Sunday 15th August 2021

News that Joe Willock haz signed a 6 year deal for a reported £25 million, but too late to play against West Ham, reaches us!

It will be great to see a big crowd once again AND 3,000 away fans in The Leazes upper tier! (Kick off '2:00 🔔🛎--live on SKY)

Watchin' games last season in empty souless stadiums, on laptops, mobile phones and on pub 📺tellys woz s*it, especially with canned crowd noise to accompany the crap commentaries!

And for the forst time in ower one and a half years, aa will be sitting in mee own seat, on the Milburn Stand balcony, once again!

Freddie Woodman will be in goal az both Dubravka and Darlow are still crocked, for one reason or another!

It will be interestin to see the players reaction to at least 48,000 fans---the number of tickets sold by Friday!

A full Geordie Times match and pub report, will appear here on Munday!

Az per usual--"Watch this space!"

THE TOON V THE JELLIED EELS MOB OF WEST HAM *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '13:13 bells' Friday 13th! August 2021

'The Ronny Gill' (Newcasil Chronicle) haz reported that there are thoosands of tickets unsold for Sunday's Premyaa Leegue opener against West Ham--givin' the impression that at least 20,000 tickets are unsold---and then they say in the next 'breath', that in fact aalmost 4,000 actually remain on sale! (Taak aboot makin a moontain oot of a mole hill!)

And this woz reported on Thorsday, so, with Joe Willock's signin' a 6 year deal---and the fact that wor visitors will have 3,000 fans present in The Leazes upper tier---then there's a very real possibility that there will be a 50,000 crowd  or indeed a 52,000 plus full hoose, to welcome the teams onto the pitch, come Sunday! 

The last game with 50,000 fans present at SJP,  woz 18 months ago, in February 2020 (0-0 v Bornley)

Footnote: Steve Bruce woz asked by a BBC reporter if the there woz "More in the pot!", after the signin' of Joe Willock

"YES!", he replied, "I've got a chicken casserole bubbling away!"🥘

"WHERE THERE'S A 'WILL', THERE'S A WAY!"

 Posted '2:40pm bells' Thorsday 12th August 2021

*News that 21 year old Joe Willock iz heedin North after agreeing porsonal torms, haz reached The Geordie Times!

A £20 million plus deal haz been annoonced and we fink that he iz a great acquisition to the squad and vital in avoidin the lower reaches of the Premyaa Leegue table!

Joe will be the 2nd highest fee we have paid in wor history, behind the £40 million we paid for Joelinton!

Welcome to Tyneside Joe!-- yoo will be a hero to the fans!

LEEGUE CUP 2ND ROOND DRAW TOONEET!

 Posted 'high noon 🔔s' Wedinzday 11th August 2021  

Upated 'midneet 🔔s

The draw for The Leegue Cup 2nd roond at '10:00 bells' tooneet involves NUFC and sadly for the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' there are nee new groonds to visit from the teams left in the competition's northern section!

Both Fleetwood and Salford have both been eliminated, the anly teams left in the northern section who's groonds we havvint been tee, meeenin that if its an away draw, it will be to a groond that we have previously visited!

However!---aall iz not lost az  Wimbledon, Forest Green, Northampton and Newport are through to the 2nd roond in the southern section of the draw!---

These are 4 groonds still to visit IF THEY get through to the thord roond and WE dee az well!?

'The Geordie Times' will of course tell yoo who we will play, home or away, when the draw iz completed!

Az per usual "Watch this space" from '10:00pm 🔔s' onwards!

Updated 'midneet 🔔s'

IT'S 'THE HILLBILLIES OF BORNLEY' AT SJP

Most probably on Wedinzday 25th August with a '7:45 bells' kick off!? (Cannit see it bein' chozen for live telly)

THE TOON 3 THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES 0 *** FRIENDLY 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon 🔔bells' Sunday 8th August 2021

"CUSTARDS CRUMBLE!"

Nohrich owner and celebrity chef Delia Smith iz renounded for hor delicious custard crumbles--(hence wor name for hor team) and we can tell yoo, that hor team 'crumbled' in the 2nd half az The Toon attacked The Gallowgate End!

The forst half wasn't much cop az we attacked the 'near deserted' Leazes End and it woz wor visitors who had the orly chances to take the lead, but were denied by 4th choice keeper Freddie Woodman in The Toon goal!

Former Toon keeper Tim Krul received a great ovation from the Toon fans at The Gallowgate End az he ran oot for the restart.

The 2nd half, like aa say, woz different with the introduction of Saint Max, Dwight Gayle and Jonjo Shelvey!

But it woz wor number 11 Matt Richie  who opened the scorin' in the 55th minute, when he fired home past Tim Krul, to the delight of the smaall crowd, many who hadn't been to see us play since February 2020, when we played hosts to The Bornley Hillbillies in a 0-0 draw before a 50,000 crowd!

Saint Max then bamboozled the Nohrich defence and caused aall sorts of problems for them az we attacked relentlessly!

The 2nd goal wasn't lang in comin' when Dwight Gayle took a through baall from 'Private' Fraser and hit a low shot under Krul's body and into the net in the 74th minute!

The final nail in wor visitors coffin came with 2 minutes left on the clock when  Gayle volleyed home from a Manquillo pass!

A very satisfactory win against a poor Nohrich team sets us up nicely for the visit of 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham next Sunday in wor openin' Premyaa Leegue game!

That were chants against wor reluctant owner 'The Fat Controller' to "sell the club!", but suprizingly the fans asked Brucey to "give us a wave!", which he duly did! (There were NEE chants against wor under fire manager!)

Attendance: 20,139 includin aboot 40 or 50 Nohrich diehards in the Leazes/ East Stand corner!

*So this woz the largest crowd to attend SJP for ower one and a half years! (Anly 10,000 were allowed into wor last home game of last season v Sheff U because of the covid restrictions!)

HAPPY FANS LEAVE THE GROOND!

THE TOON V THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES

 Posted 'high noon bells' 🔔 Friday 7th August 2021

NUFC play wor one and anly home pre season friendly today, when we face Nohrich in a '2:00 🔔s kick off at SJP!

We have nee new players to show off after bein' the anly top flight club not to make a single summer signing (so far!)

Of course Joe Willock's name haz been repeatedly mentioned and we can anly hope that he joins us again, eethaa on loan or that we actually buy him for the reported £20million from 'The Arse'!

Az per usual in these games, up to 22 players could be used at some point by both sides!

A full Geordie Times match report, will appear here on Sunday!

GEORDIE TIMES BREAKIN' NEWS!---ANOTHER FINE 'MESS'!

 Posted '2:01pm bells' Sunday 8th August 2021

NUFC FANS REALITY CHECK!

 Sensational news reaches us that NUFC have finally made a breakthrough in the transfer market!

Steve Bruce thought we were signin' Messi from Barcelona, but got crossed wires and signed the above 'Messy' instead from the kids TV channel on the BBC!

Brucey: "It's very exciting news!--- I am sure he will be a great acquisition to the squad and we can't wait for the forst Premyaa Leegue game against West Ham a week on Sunday! To get someone of Messy's calibre to sign for us, will give us more options up front---it really IZ great news for wor gullible--er!--- sorry!" loyal fans!"

NUFC FANS FANTASY CHECK!   "NO!---NOT THAT MESSI!"

HUBBLE BUBBLE, DOUBLE TROUBLE!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 4th August 2021

              CROFT PARK, BLYTH

Both wor forst team and U23s were in action yesterday and both lost!

The forst team played a 'secret' behind closed doors game at Turf Moor, Burnley and lost 1-0

Aall the 21 players who featured at the 2-0 win at Burton played at some point, plus Jonjo Shelvey who returned from injury!

By aall accounts we were awful and the anly incident of note for us woz when Joelinton hit the bar in the forst half!

Meeenwhile wor U23s/Academy side continued their losin streak when they were well beaten 3-0 at Croft Park by 'The Spartans of Blyth'! (Att 1,148) In total 18 players got a run oot!

After wor U23s 4-1 defeat at Gatesheed, it meenz they have conceded 7 goals in the space of 3 days!

Special thanx to 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' for the pix from Blyth!

And from twitter!

ENJOY BURTON 0 THE TOON 2 *** PRE SEASON FRIENDLY 2021-22

 Posted '12:20pm bells' Saturday 31st July 2021

Updated Sunday 1st August

"THE JOY OF BURTON!"

It woz yet anothaa train journey, this time to the Midlands where we played Burton Albion!

Az we couldn't get a train back (coz of the kick off time) we booked a hotel next to Burton Station.

After a few liquid refreshments in a real ale bar next to the hotel caalled 'The Weighbridge', it woz time to make the 25minute walk to the groond, but not before stoppin off at another boozer caalled 'The Lord Burton' for some scran!

It started 'chucking it doon' (heavy rain) and by the time we got inside the groond we were soaked to the skin!

Aroond aboot 1,200 Toon fans had made the journey and they were in good voice az the game kicked off.

TOON FANS PACKED THE SMAALL STANDIN TERRACE BEHIND THE GOAL AND THE SEATS IN THE MAIN STAND, NEAR THE CORNER FLAG!

It wasn't lang before we took the lead when a Joelinton cross eventually foond Jacob Murphy and he volleyed home from just inside the box in the 6th minute!

TOON FANS CELEBRATE THE FORST GOAL!

NUFC were on top and should have increased wor lead on at least 3 occasions, but couldn't get the baall into the net again!

HT 1-0 to 'us'

It didn't take lang however to double wor lead when Joelinton sent an unstoppable heeder into the net, from a Ryan Fraser corner!

Chances for Gayle and Murphy went 'a beggin' and so we had to settle for a 2-0 win!

That SMB Steve Cram famously once said to Toon fan Brendan Foster "enjoy Burton!", when NUFC were relegated and the mackems stayed up!

We certainly DID enjoy Burton that next season az we beat them twice ---and then Burton were the team who relegated sund'lind to the 3rd tier of the Futbaall Leegue 2 years later!

Enjoy Burton?---You bet!

"AN ALARMING OCCURRENCE!" 

After the match, thankfully it had stop rainin' and so 'Sarnie Steve', 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and 'me', heeded back towards wor hotel, but not before stoppin' off at 'The Alfred' boozer on the way where several pints of the local real ale were consumed, to celebrate wor victory. Then the landlady spoilt it aall and said she woz chuckin us oot az they were closin' at 'midneet bells'! (What a disgrace!)

We retired to the hotel Ibis where me and 'Sarnie Steve' were sharin a disabled room----not that we are disabled, but thats where they put us, with alarms in the 'tool shed' and next to the shower!

The twin beds were pushed together, so aa moved mine away from hiz to give us some space and went to sleep!

And then at '6:25am bells' precisely 'aall hell' broke lose when somebody started hammerin' and brayin on the door!!!!

F***in' hell---Woz the hotel on fire!---woz mee forst thought????

Sarnie Steve jumped oot of bed in hiz borthday suit (not a sight to behold!) and answered the door!

It woz the hotel manager and one of the emergency alarms had went off!

"Its the alarm near the beds!", he shouted frantically, az we looked for it, but couldn't see it?----I moved mee pillow to reveal an alarm behind and switched it off!---The alarm had been beside the bed on the heedboard when we went into the room, but az a'd moved mee bed away from Steve's, aa didnt notice it, az it woz now behind the pillow and aa had set it off az aa moved mee heed on the pillow! 

(Yi couldn't possibly make THIS up!)🠟🠟🠟

THE EMERGENCY ALARM BEHIND MEE PILLOW!!!!

It woz time to get up anyway, az we were on the '7:30 bells' train back to the Toon!---On arrival back at 'The Central' aa jumped on a bus and went yem to dump mee owerneet bag and get some scran, what wor lass had made!

Within the hour aa woz oot again and on me travels to Gatesheed stadium where wor U23/ academy side were takin' on 'The Heedbangers'-----and lost 4-1---and this iz another tale that shhould NOT be missed, when aa post it on Munday!---Honest, it's a classic az well!

Az per usual "Watch this space on Munday!"

GANNIN FOR A BURTON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 30th July 2021

In a few minutes time we will be catchin' the train to Burton from 'The Central' (train station) for a '7:45 bells' kick off, where wor forst team are playin'!

Coz we can't get back (coz of the kick off time) we will be stayin owerneet at a hotel next to Burton station!

And then on Saturday mornin' when we travel back, we are off to Gatesheed International Stadium, where wor U23 youngins will be playin Gatesheed's forst team in a '3 bells' kick off!

Match reports and pub pix on both games will appear here sometime on Sunday!---Az per usual, "Watch this space!"