THE TOON V THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE OF LESTAA *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Easter Saturday 15th April 2022

SJP AND TYNE BRIDGES FROM THE AIR!

NUFC are unbeaten at SJP in the Premyaa Leegue since a 0-4 reverse v Man City before Xmas!

Since then we have won 4 and drawn 2 at home

Lestaa are not far aheed of us in the Leegue and a win would put us just 3 points behind them! (They are 9th)

3 more points would banish aall fears of relegation, az we would then have 37 points, shud we win! This game iz completly sold oot az iz wor home game v Cristill Palliss on Wedinzday!

Az we divvint play til tomorrow, we are off to dee some non leegue groundhoppin' today at Pontefract Colls, where mee fave non leegue team Dunston are playin' in a Northern Premyaa Leegue East fixture

A match report on both games will appear here (eventually!) 

"HE'S READY, HE'S STEADY AND HIZ NAME IZ EDDIE!"

 Posted '12:30pm bells' Thorzday 14th April 2022

'HOWE' THE LEEGUE TABLE WOULD LOOK IF THE SEASON HAD STARTED WHEN EDDIE TOOK OWER!

Eddie Howe haz now been in charge of NUFC for 20 games!--When he took ower from 'Broken Nose Bruce' and interim manager Graeme Jones, we were 'rock bottom', in 20th place in the Premyaa Leegue table, with NEE wins and looked doomed to relegation---az rival fans took the p*ss! (NUFC had FIVE measly points from 11 games!)

"ALL THAT MONEY AND YOU'RE GOING DOWN!", they aall sang with delight! 

WELL!---They arn't singin' that now!----ARE THEY?---az we are now 10 points from the 'abyss', after 'Steady Eddie' performed miracles with the existin' players and new January signings, to lift us oot of the drop zone!

Indeed, if the season had started when Eddie took the reigns from Graeme Jones, we would be in 8th place in the table now, with 8 wins and 5 draws oot of the 20 games!

Wor last home defeat in the Premyaa Leegue woz against current champions Man City---and that woz before Xmas!  

The question on everybody's lips iz: HOWE haz he done it????

THE END GAME IZ NEAR!

 Posted '1:00pm bells' Tuesday 12th April 2022

Most clubs in the bottom half of the table have eetha 7 or 8 games to play before the end of the season!

NUFC are 10 points clear of the drop and are currently 11/4 to gan doon!

Relegation odds:

15 The Toon 11/4

16 Leeedz 10/1

17 Evaatin 4/11

-----------------------

18 Bornley 1/16

19 Wotfaad 1/16

20 Nohrich 1/66

The bookies are very rarely wrang and with the huge gap, we shud be OK!🙏

Up next for NUFC are 'The Basil Brush Brigade' of Lestaa at SJP next Sunday----Lestaa have sent back 70 tickets, which not suprizingly have been snapped up by Toon fans and the game iz sold oot (again!) 

IF we win, we will anly be 3 points behind Lestaa who sit in 9th place in the table!----Who would have believed that, az just 4 months ago, we were rock bottom of the table? with nee wins in 13 games! (We now have 8 wins under wor belt under 'Steady Eddie'!)

"HAPPY DAYS!" 🤪👍

THE TOON 1 WOLVERHAMPTON WANABEEZ 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 9th April 2022

"FROM UTTER DISPAIR TO UNBRIDLED JOY IN 5 DAYS!"

This woz yet anothaa game we 'must not lose' and 'must not lose' we did! After the disastrous 5-1 defeat at Sporz last Sunday, when we were in 'utter dispair'---and Bornley's win ower Evaatin in midweek--- the gap between 'us' and 'them' had been reduced to just 7 points AND they had a game in hand!----So we HAD to get sommik from this game!

It woz a scrappy game with barely a shot on target from eethaa team, but the breakthrough came (or so we thought!) in the 22nd minute when Bruno sent a cross in at The Leazes End for Chris Wood to score from a low position on the groond!

This sent the majority of the selloot 52,000 plus crowd into meldoon, but the goal looked offside to me and sure enough a VAR check ruled it oot az the 3,000 Wolves fans roared with delight in 'Level 7' behind that goal!

The 2nd half woz just the same---BUT!-----Just when it looked az though the game might end up 0-0--a through baall from Joelinton to Chris Wood, had him racin' into the penalty area and he woz uncermoniously brought doon by Sa in the Wolves goal at The Gallowgate End, for a 'stonewaall' penalty!

Wood took it himself az we 'prayed' in the stands and thankfully he sent their goalie the wrang way to put us 1-0 up in the 72nd minute to score hiz forst home goal!

The 'Wanabeez' pressed forward for an equaliser az Toon fans frantically whistled for the ref to blow for full time and eventually he did with 5 minutes stoppage time played az the relief of the crowd torned to cheers!

A VERY valuable 3 points which sent us up to 14th in the table and more importantly TEN points above the drop zone!

Beleeeve it or not, NUFC are just THREE points behind Pallis in NINETH place ---az we speak!!!

From utter dispairs after Sporz---to unbridled joy last neet!---A typical NUFC roller coaster jorney for certain!

ATTENDANCE: 52,164 (3,000 Wanabeez!)

The Toon's odds of gannin doon are now 50/1 and are aallmost certain to avoid the drop now!---NOT 'cast in stone yet', but the stonemason iz standin' by with hiz hammer and chisel! 

VERY HAPPY FANS PASS 'THE STRAWBERRY' AFTER THE GAME!

 Updated Sunday Neet!

Nohrich beat Bornley 2-0 which meeenz Bornley are still 10 points behind NUFC with just 8 games to gan!

THE TOON V WOLVERHAMPTON WANAABEEZ *** TOONEET!

 Posted from 'high noon 🔔 bells' onwards, Friday 8th April 2022

VIEW OF SJP FROM LEAZES PARK LAKE AT NIGHT!

We hate repeatin' worsels, but this iz yet anothaa game we MUST win, or at least NOT lose!

With just 7 points between us and the bottom 3 now, we reeely need a boost after wor last 2 shambolic away performances against Evaatin and Sporz! 

The lang absences of Trippier and Wilson have certainly weakened wor squad and doubts ower Willock will make tooneet's game a nail biter for the selloot crowd!

The teams aroond us will be waitin in the wings like circlin' vultures, hopin that we fail, az they don't play til tomorrow and Sunday!

IT'S "SQUEEKY BUM TIME!" FOLKS!

'Divvint lose' iz wor motto today and just 6 more points from wor remainin' 8 games would see us safe!  NUFC havvint lost a home in the Premyaa Leegue this year----and yi have ti gan back til before Xmas for wor last home defeat! (0-4 v Man City)

Oh! for a team to support that doesn't fight relegation battles season after season!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Saturday!

Let's hope it's a good one!?

MORE TELLY TIMES FOR NUFC!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Wedinzday 6th April 2022

Updated '12:14pm bells' Thorzday

2 more NUFC games have been changed for live telly---and they are:

The Blue Moonies of Manchester away will now be played on Sunday 8th May with a '4:30 bells' ko---live on SKY

Wor home game v The Arse will now be played on Munday 16th May with an '8:00 bells' ko---aalso live on SKY

Meeenwhile, there iz a very important game which affects NUFC tooneet, when 'The Bornley Hillbillies' take on 'The Toffee Noses of Evaatin' in a six pointer for both! 

Bornley are 10 points behind us, while Evaatin are 6 points behind!

A goalless draw would be the best result for NUFC, az both clubs will drop 2 points if this happens and not improve their goal differences!

The 2nd best result iz an Evaatin win, az Bornley will still be 10 points adrift, but on the othaa hand Evaatin will move within 3 points of us!

The worst result iz a Bornley win, which will see them move within 7 points off The Toon!

With 3 home games off the belt, startin' on Friday at home to Wolves, we can anly hope that we can banish aall fears of the drop by the time the 3 games are played!---The othaa 2 are against 'The Basil Brush Brigade of Lestaa' on Sunday week and Cristilll Palliss the followin Wedinzday!

Updated '12:14pm bells' Thorzday

Bornley won 3-2 and so NUFC are anly 7 points above the relegation zone!-----We desperately need to pick up at least 4 points from wor 3 home games----startin' tomorrow neet against Wolves! 

SPORZ 5 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Munday 4th April 2022

"GANNIN' ALANG THE SCOTSWOOD WALK TO SEE THE BLAYDON PLACES!"

A dragged meesel oot of 'mee pit' at '6:00am bells' and heeded for 'The Central' to catch an orly train to London!

On arrival at '11:15 bells' we heeded for The Betjeman Arms for a quick 'gargel before catchin the tube to Tottenham Hale and then an overland train to Northumberland Park!  From there we heeded for a new boozer we had never been tee before in an industrial estate 15 mins walk from the groond caalled The Redemption!

It woz virtually empty when we got there and at £3:60 for a pint of 'Redemption', it woz actually cheaper than the boozers aroond SJP back home!----It's one of them boozers that is cheap and chatty and old wooden pallets held up the bar coonter!!!

They brew their own beer on the premises and that cuts oot transport costs!

THE ANLY DOWNSIDE WOZ THE DRASTIC PLASTIC PINT POTS!

"ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES!" 

There woz one hilarious event that could have been taken from a 'Only Fools and Horses' script!----The door next to the room we were in woz closed and fans with 2 pints or more couldn't open the door. So a Toon fan, who shall remain nameless, caalled 'Ash', who woz sittin near the door, got sick of openin it to let them in, so he decided to wedge a bit of cardbourd under it, to keep it open!---After several unsuccesful attempts he gave up and sat doon!  I noticed a door hook behind the door (which he hadnt spotted) and said to him, why didnt he just hook the door back instead?----He did to roars of laughter from some Sporz fans! (Yi couldnt make it up!)

After a few 'gargels' there, we heeded for the groond where we passed some familier north east place names like Morpeth Walk, Scotswood Walk and Blaydon Close!---- not forgettin the name of the station!

The boozer, by the way, woz just off the WEST ROAD to make us feel completly at home! (The West Road iz aalso the name for the main road oot of 'The Toon', travellin 'west' (would yoo believe!?) 

Withoot doubt this woz the worst 2nd half display from The Toon since 'Steady Eddie' took ower!---It woz like gannin back to the bad old days under 'Bruceless', az we fell apart in the 2nd period!

NUFC PLAYED IN BLACK TOP WITH YELLOW SHORTS AND SOCKS

It started off so well in the forst half az we matched Sporz, az we attacked the far goal from where the 3,000 Toon fans were housed!

Indeed, we took the lead through a free kick from 'Fab' Schar in the 40th minute to send the faithful wild with delight!---That delight torned to dispair just 3 minutes later when Ben Davies equalized with a heeder for Sporz, after a defensive mix up!  HT 1-1

The 2nd half woz a different story however az the home side took the lead just 2 mins from the restart when Doherty heeded home with wor defence aall ower the place!

It woz soon 3-1 to them and the game woz lost when Son fired home from a Kane cross, az we simply couldnt deal with there attacks!

4-1 woz the inevitable outcome though Royal with a simple tap in, az we imploded and finally a fifth woz added near the end when an unmarked Bergwijn fired past Dubravka in The Toon goal to seal the victory and send the NUFC fans into meltdoon!

The end couldn't come quick enough!

ATTENDANCE: 57,553 (3,000 Toon fans, but many had left before the end!)

A one to forget I'm afraid az we heeded back to King's Cross to catch the '9:00 bells' train back yem after a few more drownin of the sorrows gargels back in The Betjeman Arms near the train station!

* 

SPORZ v THE TOON **** THIS SUNDAY!

 Posted '1:20pm bells' March 31st 2022

Updated 'high noon bells' Saturday 2nd April

WOR FORST EVER VISIT TO SPORZ NEW ABODE IN THE 2019-2020 SEASON*** NUFC WON 1-0 WITH A JOELINTON GOAL (TOON IN ORANGE)

After a 17 days international break, NUFC are finally back in action on Sunday in n'norf' Landan' when we take on Sporz at their new stadium!

The '4:30 bells' kick off meeenz that we can actually get 'to' and 'back' from King's Cross (London train station) in the same day!---A novelty, az wor previous 3 away games have meant an owerneet stay on each occassion, coz of the dodgy kick off times!

Before we play, there are quite a few games bein' played on Saturday, where teams aroond us are in action--- and we can anly hope that results gan wor way!?

Home wins for Livaapoool and Chelski, an away win for Brightin v Nohrich (coz Brightin are just above us and Nohrich have nee chance of catchin' us) and away wins for Man City and Sooothampton, would make it a porfect Saturday if this happens!?

AZ IT STANDZ! (THORZDAY)

More on this and possible team line up on Saturday! 

Updated Saturday at 'high noon bells'

News that Callum Wilson haz broken doon in trainin' again, meeenz that he will probably miss the rest of the season with 9 games to gan!

Kieran Trippier on the other hand iz said to be near match fitness and could feature in wor game at Sporz tomorrow!

Fab Schar, Jonjo Shelvey and Martin Dubravka are aall expected to be fit and be involved!

Az 'Steady Eddie' (Howe) says: "We are not safe yet!", and need at least 6 more points to be safe from relegation----could be a couple more to make absolutleee sure!

We are on the '8:20 bells' train from 'The Central' (station) to King's Cross (London) in the mornin' and The Toon (of course!) have sold wor allocation of 3,000 tickets!

A match report and booze report will appear here sometime on Munday----Az per usual:  "Watch this space!" 

*Saturday results that effect us and Premyaa Leegue table updates, will appear here sometime later today!

Livaapool 2 v Wotfaad 0 (FT) "So far so good!🤪👍

'Nee where near' Brightin 0 v Nohrich 0 (FT)

The Bornley Hillbillies 0 v  The Blue Moonies of Mancland 2 (FT)

Chelski 1 v Brentfaad 4! (FT)

Leeedz 1 v Sooothampton 1 (FT)

Leegue table after those results: 

AZ IT STANDS (SATURDAY NEET)

(A mixed bag of results az we drop to 15th coz of Brentfaad's 4-1unexpected shock win win at Chelski!)

Brentfaad played 31 points 33

The Toon played 29 points 31

Leeedz played 31 points 30

Evaatin  played 27 points 25

---------------------------------------------

Wotfaad played 30 points 22

Bornley played 28 points 21

Nohrich played 30 points 18

 

THE TOON U23s 4 THE BAGGIE TROOSERS U23s 3 **** FA PREMYAA LEEGUE 2

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 29th March 2022

JOSH SCOTT (ARROWED) SCORES THE WINNIN' GOAL!

Last neet in a rare appearance at SJP wor U23s won a 7 goal thriller against West Brom in front of a 793 crowd, housed mainly in The East Stand

The scorin sequences went az follows:

0-1, 0-2 (HT), 1-2, 2-2, 3-2, 3-3, 4-3   The Toon's goals were scored by Santiago Munoz (heeder), Niall Brookwell (heeder), Nathan Carlyon (shot) and finally Josh Scott, who fired the winner into the corner of the net at The Gallowgate End!

The win lifts the U23s into 4th place and into the play-off places for a chance of promotion to Premyaa Leegue 1

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 0 CLEEETHORPES TOON 2 *** NORTHERN PREMYAA LEEGUE

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 27th March 2022

It woz a nice sunny day on Tyneside and az NUFC had anothaa blank weekend, coz of the International break, we heeded for The UTS Stadium in Dunston to see them play Cleeethorpes!

The Bad Blue Boys were indeed BAD, az the visitors inflicted a 2-0 defeat, due mainly to misstaykes from the unfortunate Dunston goalie, who failed to hold the baall from a weak shot for the forst goal ---and then pass the baall to one of their players to concede the 2nd goal--Both in the 2nd half in quick succession!

Dunston simply didn't get oot of the blocks in this errror ridden game!

The drowning of the sorrows then happened in the packed clubhoose after the game, which woz watched by a 333 crowd (plus several freebeez who sneaked in in the 2nd half, when neebody woz mannin the tornstiles!)

A UKRAINIAN FLAG REPLACED THE CLUB FLAG IN A SHOW OF SUPPORT!