THE TOON U23s v THE P*SS POTTS U23s **** TOONEEET AT BLUE FLAMES!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Munday  20th September 2021

BLUE FLAMES, AKA WHITLEY PARK, BENTON

Wor U23s are in action at Benton tooneet where we play the P*ss Potts of Stoke (The Potters!) in a Premyaa Leegue 2 encoontaaa!

Kick off iz at '7:00 bells' and admission iz free to season ticket holders!---For non season ticket holders its £3 for big kids and just £1 for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

We have nee idea if the clubhoose iz open az it woz shut the last home game coz of covid restrictions?----Yoo couldnt even sit in the little stand on the halfway line az that woz oot of bounds too!

But fear not!---there are 3 boozers on the way from Four Lane Ends Metro station for the pre match gargels!--Namely The Benton Ale Hoose, The Black Bull and The Ship!

A Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime tomorrow!---AZ per usual "Watch this space!"

HOW RIDICULOUS IZ THAT!?

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 19th September 2021

"IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"

One of the 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' went extreme groundhoppin' yesterday when he heeded for Lestaa'z new Seagrave trainin' groond, which iz in 'the middle of nee where', to watch wor U18s play Lestaa'z U18s! (ie: a game on a field with nee stands)

'Glennn from Ashington', who cannit drive, got there by train and bus, anly to find that when he got to the trainin' complex that the game had been delayed, coz an ambulance and paramedics hadn't arrived---which iz compululsary for U18 games!

"WHERE'S THE AMBULANCE---LIKE!?"

None did arrive and so the game had to be postponed on 'Pitch 2'---a wasted jorney for Glennn?---well not quite!

Wor U16s were playin' on an ajoinin' pitch, some distance from the U18s game and so he rushed to 'Pitch 10' to watch that game instead---missin' 27 minutes coz of the late cancellation of the U18s game! (the kick off time woz at '1:00pm bells' for both games)

NUFC U16s drew 2-2 with Lestaa'z youngins, so at least he saw some futbaall on a new groond! (and he saw aall the goals!--unlike me at Dunston! (see below)

Apparently, yoo divvint need an ambulance or paramedics for an U16s game, which begs the question---"WHY NOT?" if its compulsary for U18 games?????

"HOW RIDICULOUS IZ THAT"!?????? 

PS: Glennn woz unable to send 'The Geordie Times' any pix of the game, az yoo arnt allowed to take photos of U16s games!

MEEENWHILE!

Bad Blue Boys 6  Frickley Athletic 0

'Yours truly' went to a game closer to home on Tyneside, namely Dunston v Frickley in a Northern Premyaa Leegue East Division game, where the home side ran riot with 6 goals in total! (I actually saw 5 of them, but missed the 3rd goal coz aa woz taakin to somebody!)

The goals were scored by Liam Thear (4th minute), Sado Djalo (18), Michael Hall (27), Liam Thear (38), Liam Thear pen for hiz hat-trick (70) and finally anothaa pen, taken by Terry Galbraith in the 90th minute!

Attendance: 310 includin a few diehards from Frickley

Mee golden goals ticket woz for the 80th minute!

(It didn't win of course!)

THE TOON 1 LEEEDZ 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted just after 'high noon bells' Saturday 18th September 2021

VIEW FROM ROW 'B' OF THE MILBURN STAND BALCONY

The game both sides needed to win ended in a 1-1 stalemate, but NUFC were lucky, to say the least to get the draw az Leeedz missed several good chances, especialy in the forst half!

They took the lead in the 13th minute when Raphinha had a shot from the edge of the box, which anothaa Leeedz player left, and it ended up in the back of the net at The Gallowgate End, beatin' Darlow in the Toon goal!

Thiz set the crowd gannin and "WE want Brucey out!" chants reverberated aroond aall 4 sides of the groond!

Matt Richie then came close when he hit the post with a raspin' shot, but it rebounded back into play to deny us the equaliser!

The mood woz hostile until a bit of magic from 'The Saint' (Saint-Maximin) levelled things just before the break when a pass from Joelinton foond him in the box and he jinked and weaved hiz way through the visitors defence to hit a shot into the corner of the net at The Leazes End, to send the Toon fans in the unexpected 50,000 crowd wild with delight!

It woz a very strange atmosphere az one minute Toon fans were supportin' the team and the next minute they were slaggin 'Brucey' and 'The Fat Controller' off!

Meeeenwhile the 3,000 Leeedz fans in The Leazes End top tier were in full voice with their crappy "Marchin' altogether!" songs!

I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT!----FANS USED THEIR TOCHES TO LIGHT UP THE DARKNESS

THE 3,000 LEEEDZ FANS ARE ON THE TOP RIGHT!

The men from Yorkshire came close on a few occasions to retakin' the lead, but Karl Darlow (who had replaced Freddie Woodman in goal) made some great stops to deny them!

One protest from Toon fans woz to hoy paper planes from the terraces to try and stop the game and they had were thrown from aall sides of the groond, but none of them made it to the pitch!!!! (Must dee better next time!---tennis or golf baalls next?)

The game ended 'ones a piece', to a mixture of applause and boos from the Toon fans, with the applause for the players and the boooos for 'yee naa who'!

Two points from 15 lifted us to the dizzy heights of 18th in the table, while Leeedz now have 3 points!

That could aall change ower the weekend and if results divvint gan wor way, we could well find worsels in bottom place!!!

The joys of followin' NUFC!   

Attendance: 50,407 (many more than we thought would torn up!)

*

THE TOON V LEEEDZ *** TOONEET at '8:00 bells'!

 Posted 'high noon 🔔bells' Friday 17th September 2021

NUFC THE ZERO AMBITION CLUB!---IT'S THE 'HOPE' THAT KILLS YOO! 

Brucey (in a very depressed voice): "I will with my experience "HOPE?" that I can keep the club just ticking along🕒🕓🕔🕕🕗 and make sure that "Err!" the club stays where it is!" (currently in 19th position, which will get us RELEGATED, Brucey!----'HOPE'less!) 

(It's not aall hiz fault of course az 'The Fat Controller' refused to buy him more than one player in the transfor window!---and of course he won't walk away az he will lose hiz £4 million compen, if he does!)

Both teams gan into tooneets game at SJP withoot a win to their name this season, so far--and in wor case we have shipped 12 goals in 4 Premyaa Leegue games!

We are have ONE solitary point from 12, while Leeedz have 2 points and sit just 2 places above us in the table!

These are desperate times for Toon fans az we look towards the abyss of The Championship yet again!

'Brucey' haz just aboot fallen oot with everyone from wor hierarchy (who made a veiled attack on him!), to the players, (Hayden, etc) the press (The 'Ronny Gill' and others) and the fans! (of course!)

With Callum Wilson oot til 'God naaz when', we will nee doubt plod alang regardless with Jokelinton, etc! (Depressin' times indeed!)

At least goalie Karl Darlow iz fit again, az Freddie Woodman haz made some bad misstayaks, which have cost us dearly! (It woz 'leaked' in the press orlier this week that Woodman would be dropped!)

It's a category 'A' game with £40 the minimum adult price for the 'torture', which of course iz live on the 📺telly! ('OFF' buttons at the ready!)

3 points pleeeze, or else SJP will become very toxic indeed!☠

PS: We've hord 'through the grape vine' that there iz to be a big protest durin the game, with paper planes bein' 'flown' onto the pitch and referees whistles to be 'blowin' in the crowd!✈

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS OF WBA U23S 2 THE TOON U23S 0 *** FA PREMYAA RESORVE LEAGUE 2

 Posted 'high noon 🔔bells' Tuesday 14th September 2021

The Toon are in aall light blue (pic taken by 'Alex of St. George')

Wor U23s were in action at Telford last neet, where we lost 2-0 to West Brom and 'NUFC mad-sad groundhopper' 'Alex of St. George' and woz there to witness it! (Hiz forst visit to New Bucks Head stadium!)

Most other groundhoppers like 'little old me' had been here before many moons🌙 ago (v Wolves resorves), so we didn't gan--and just az well, coz 2 bad misstayks cost us the game!

Forst, a shot by WBA's Castro that shud easily have been saved, slipped though keeper Dan Langley's hands and into the Toon net, to give 'The Baggie Troosers' the lead in the 33rd minute!

Their lead woz doubled 10 mins later when Toon defender Wiggett gave away a needless penalty after a daft challenge in the box on Richards.

Faal took it and sent Langley the wrang way! HT 2-0 to them!

That's the way it stayed az we couldn't find a way through the home defence in the 2nd period!

Attendance 138, includin Alex of course! (Plus striker Dylan Stephenson's mam and dad, pictured below!)

MOAN U 4 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2021-2022

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 12th September 2021

"HOLLOW SORROW!"

We are not even halfway through September and aalready NUFC find worsels in 19th position in the leegue table with just one solitary point from a possible 12!

This 4-1 defeat at 'The Theatre of Muppets' woz not unexpected, but the scoreline WOZ a bit unfair on The Toon, az we battled away!

We had held oot til stoppage time in the forst half and looked likely to gan in at the break at 0-0, but disaster then struck when a shot by Moan U's Greenwood woz fumbled by Freddie Woodman in goal for us--and a certain Ronaldo woz on hand to tap the baall into the net, from inches oot, with the simplest of goals that your granny could have scored, pushin' hor zimmerframe! 

The 2nd period started off well for us and in the 11th minute in the half Manquillo broke through the Moan U defence to fire past De Gea in the home goal, in front of the 3,500 diehard Toon fans in that end!

There were wild celebrations from wor end and fans in their excitement fell ower seats next to us az they celebrated the unexpected goal!

It wasnt to be though and 'guess who' put the home side back into the lead in the 62nd minute, with a raspin' shot that seemed to gan straight though Woodman!

It woz soon 3-1 to them and 'curtains' for The Toon, when Fernandes hit an unstoppable shot past Woodman, who had nee chance with this one! Brucey, by this time woz gettin loads of stick and chants of, "We want Brucie out!" echoed aroond the away section!

To rub salt into the wounds Lingard completed wor misery deep into stoppage time to complete the scorin'!

At the end of the game wor number 7 Joelinton tried to swap shirts with Ronaldo's number 7, which iz a joke when yoo fink of the vast difference in class between the 2 of them! (Don't know if he did get the red number 7?)

Wor record goalscorer Alan Shearer later said on MOTD that NUFC were like a hollow and empty shell, with nee hope or ambition to win anything!

Just aboot sums up wor predicament, Alan!----NEE wins in FIVE competitive games, with anly Nohrich below us in the table!---Sad times yet again for the lang sufferin' Toon fans like 'little old me' and 50,000 others!😭

ATTENDANCE: 72,732 (Well below the 75,000 capacity, for the retorn of Ronaldo?) 3,500 Toon fans (sold oot away section!)

THE PRE AND POST MATCH GARGELS TOOK PLACE HERE IN MANCHESTER CITY

 CENTRE

AT £6.90 A PINT---THE MOST EXPENSIVE SO FAR THIS SEASON!

(PRE- SEASON ROTHERHAM IZ CHEAPEST AT £1.85!)

COME IN NUMBER 17 ---I THOUGHT IT WOZ £4.60 A PINT

IT WOZ IN FACT £4.60 FOR 2 THORDS OF A PINT=£6.90 A PINT!!!

"HELP!"

Wot Brucey said post match!

Geordie Times comment:

It's ridiculous to blame The 'Ronny Gill' for the fans  wantin' Brucey out!    He just cannit see the bigger picture!

We are heedin for the cliff edge with nee wins so far and the Toon fans have had enough!

12 goals shipped in 4 games!

It's the fault of wor absent owner for not spending any money on much needed players---and Brucey himself for hiz team selections and playin positions!

FULL STOP!

Updated Munday mornin'

 

MOAN U V THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 10th September 2021

A THOOSAND REASONS NOT TO GAN!

NUFC will play wor 1,000th Premyaa Leegue game at 'The Theatre of Muppets' tomorrow and aa couldn't 'fink' of worse game for that milestone!

If ever there woz a game NOT to look forward to in the 1,000, then surely this iz it! (But we WILL be there in numbers, coz we cannit stop worsels from gannin!)

We cannit see anything else than 11 men behind the baall to try and stop 'yee naa who' and hiz fellow team mates runnin up a cricket 🏏score against us!

Ironically, Ingerland play India at Old Trafford cricket groond tomorrow in the fifth test--just alang the road from the futbaall groond!

Callum Wilson iz crocked (again!), but it surely wouldn't have made any difference to the predicted score line! (A very sad state of affairs!)

We divvint naa ANY Toon fans who give us a chance of gettin even a draw, so a norvis and torturous 90 minutes lies in wait! 

A Geordie Times match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday! (Hopefully aa can get completely comatosed before the '3:00 bells' kick off! 🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺!) 

Az per usual watch this space in trepidation!🏏

AND FROM TWITTER!

ENJ🥶Y THE CHALLENGE!?????

350 clarence park, st. albans (v watford u23s)

 Ground number 350

Date of First Visit: 6th September 2021

Clarence Park, St. Albans

Watford U23s  2

Newcastle United U23s  0

Premier League Cup Group Stage

Attendance: 245 (most of them NUFC fans!) Wotfaad iz 9 miles distant!  The Toon iz 270 miles distant!

"350 GROONDS!--A MILESTONE? OR A MILLSTONE????"

This trip to deepest Hertfordshire meant a train jorney to King's Cross (London) and then anothaa train jorney to St. Albans via St. Pancras station, next to King's Cross!

On arrival, aa heeded for The Royal George near Euston station for a few 'gargels' with 'The Colonel', who had travelled from Bracknell in Berkshire for the game!

It woz soon time to heed for St. Albans where Watford U23s are playin' their resorve games----We had 'e-tickets' doonloaded on wor phones and got through the gates at St. Pancras with nee problems---but when we got to St. Albans City station 20 mins later, 'The Colonel' couldn't find hiz ticket on hiz phone and it took him a grand total of 10 minutes to get through the gates, with a lot of help from the ticket collector who woz mannin the gates! (The new 'normal'!)

We heeded for a boozer caalled 'The Horn' which woz ower the train line from the station, where we met 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer'

It woz 'The Colonel's torn for the liquid lubrications and we got pints of 'Neck Oil' which cost him the princely sum of---£12.80 aaltogether! (£6.40 a pint!) (He nearly died of shock!)

'Dave from York' and hiz sidekick 'Alex of St. George' then torned up to be ripped off az well!

We decided to 'move on' to the boozer doon the road caalled 'The Robin Hood', where the 'lubrications were £2 cheaper for pints of 'Harvey's bitter' (That's £4 cheaper for my roond!--Ha! Ha!)

Some more of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' then torned up. includin' Biffa the Beer' (344 groonds) and 'Byzee', who woz aboot to visit hiz 300th groond with The Toon----And in my case, aa have to tell yoo, that this woz my 350th!) While Dave from York woz on 298!

OPTICAL ILLUSION!---A TOON FAN INSIDE A PINT OF HARVEY'S BITTER!

It woz then 'onward' to Clarence Park, which woz a 10 minute waalk away!---The sun woz shinnin brightly and the temperature woz nearer 30 degrees in the bakin' heat!

'Glennn from Ashington' then appeared and he iz 'the leader' az far az NUFC groonds are concorned, with ny on 400 to hiz credit, includin loads with the NUFC U18s on trainin' groonds! (So he iz actually 'sadder' than me!)

There woz still time for a quick 'gargel' in the clubhoose, so (az yi dee!) that's where aa heeded!

And it woz virtually deserted!

Anyway!---the game kicked off and there were actually more Toon tops than Wotfaad top in the shirt sleeved crowd! (see photos!)

"WE'VE GOT MORE FANS THAN YOO---WOTFAAD!---WOTFAAD!"

The Toon were playin in an aall light blue strip like Man City's, but sadly, wor performance woz a million miles away from the Mancunians!---Wotfaad, playin in yellow and black hoops, made aall the orly runnin' and had hit the post at the middway point of the half, az The Toon struggled to get ower the halfway line az we attacked the far goal from us!

A free kick for us summed the half up, when the baall woz booted towards the sideline and kicked into touch by another Toon player

It seemed anly a matter of time before they scored and of course they DID in the 33rd minute when Pochettino fired home! (The son of 'yee naa who'!)---They soon doubled their lead through Forde who gave Max Thompson in the Toon goal 'nee chance' with hiz effort!

HT 2-0 to Wotfaad!

Nee standing on the red X's---a sign of the times!

With The Toon attackin (wait for it!) 'The Conker Nation Limited Scaffoldin' Services Stand' (see photo below) in the 2nd half, (where we were housed) we were given a 'life line' when in the 47th minute, Wotfaad's Agyakwa woz sent off for an illegal challenge on Bondswell!

However it made little difference and apart from a few flurries into the opposition box, we couldn't make the breakthrough and Wotfad's 10 men held on to claim the 2-0 victory!

This half woz summed up when NUFC had a throw in on the right touchline near the 18 yard box and we gave the baall straight to a Wotfaad player!

This woz a shockin' performance from us and not one of the players on the pitch have ANY chance of breakin' into the forst team!

We were booked on the '10 bells' train back from King's Cross.

It took 4 hours to get back to 'The Central' (station) and I eventually got back yem at '2:30 bells'!

350 groonds for me now!---A milestone?-----OR a millstone aroond mee neck?????

There's one thing for an absolute certainty, to be a Toon fan!-- It's a life sentence!---withoot parole!!!!

MEE E MATCH TICKET!