THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES V THE TOON*** 'HIGH NOON' BELLS'

 Posted from '11:11am bells' onwards, Sunday 11th April 2021

*Missin from the starting 11 are Wilson and Saint- Max?

We were told that they were fit, so WHY are they on the subs bench?

Another defensive master class(less) from Brucey?

AALL the main incidents will be reported (aalmost) live from Geordie Times HQ from kick off time on wor laptop! (2 minute time delay on ☠, so bare with us!)

*Toon in wor yellow peril change kit?

*Commentator: NUFC havnt won a single game without Wilson this season (az camera pans to Wilson in stand!)

*17th min goal to bornley

Vydra unmarked in box!

1-0 doon!  No shits from us so far (shots!)

*38th minute penalty claim from NUFC for high kick-- VAR no penalty!

Still no shots from us!

(Grafics say we've had 1 shit---cant remember that?)

*42nd minute   a SHOT from Dummet ! Nearly an own goal, but Dubravka makes a brilliant save!

HT 1-0 doon   TERRIBLE! SHOCKING!

*56th minute: At last Wilson and Saint Max on!

*GOAL FOR MURPHY   FROM SAINT MAX PASS

GREAT STRIKE! 1-1

*GOAL  GREAT SAINT MAX STRIKE! 2-1 UP!

*PS: Wor lasses daughter Julie told me Saint Maximin had scored when she got an alert on hor phone!   I told hor that Saint Max DIDNT score and it woz hiz pass to Murphy, who scored!

"No! No!" she said "its 2-1 and Saint Max HAZ scored!" (The joys of watchin on a pirate channel with a 2 minute time delay!☠)

A minute later after she told me, he DID score on wor laptop!

*FULL TIME WON 2-1   A GAME OF 2 HALFS FOR CERTAIN!🤪👍

*6 points clear of Fulim

11 points clear of Fat Sam the Ugly Man!

*Aalso dragged Bornley and Brightin into the relegation dog fight!🐕

More memory loss by Brucey in hiz post match press conference:

"We can't get carried away, but back to back wins in the Premier League is huge!" 

(Did we actually beat Sporz 2-2 last week???????🤔)

And The Saint said this after the match!

THE GEORDIE TIMES SPOT THE DIFFERENCE APPLE PIE AND CUSTARD QUIZ!

 Posted '6:00pm bells' Saturday 10th April 2021

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!

BRUCEY PLAYS 'MIND GAMES' WITH HIMSELF AGAIN!

*FRIDAY!

*TODAY!

*A FEW WEEKS AGO!

*EARLIER THIS WEEK!

*And then theres the press conference where he said we'd anly lost to Moan U and Chelski---completely forgettiin' the horror show against Cristil Palliss, when we lost 2-1 at SJP!?

*With a crazy mixed up forgetful mind like that, who knows wot formation he will play tomorrow at 'high noon bells' at Bornley?

Attack? Defend? Play with split strikers? Play with a false 9?

Who knows wot will happen, but we will soon find oot from the team line up and when the game kicks off!

Wor own 'finkin' iz that he will play for a draw with a defensive formation---when he shud be gannin aall oot for a win, az the next 5 games are against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' (West Ham), Liverpoool, The Arse, 'The Basil Brush Brigade' (Lestaa) and The Blue Moonies! (Man City)----aall of them very tough games, where we will be lucky to get 2 points in total!

So pleeeze! pleeeze! Brucey, "GAN FOR IT!" (ie: Be positive for a change!)

3 points would lift us 6 points above Fulim, but a draw or defeat will give both Fulim and West Brom hope of  still catchin' us and escapin' the dreaded drop! (ie: 3 points for NUFC would virtually relegate both of them!)

Az per usual "Watch this space from 'high noon bells' tomorrow az we report live from wor laptop at Geordie Times HQ!

SUNDAY ROAST TO FRIDAY FEAST!

 Posted from '7:45pm bells' onwards, Friday 9th April 2021

A FRIDAY NEET FEAST AT THE BRUCE RESIDENCE!

*

*Mitrovic's goal for Fulim woz scored in the 60th minute!

The game finished 35 minutes later when Brucey foond oot the full time score!  It must have been a MASSIVE dinner plus a HUGE apple pie for him to take so lang to eat it!

* Tooneet, for Fulim's game v Wolves, hiz 'good lady' iz cookin' him  a Desperate Dan Cow pie with aall the trimmings!  That should take him at least half an hour to scran!

Az for dreadin' watchin' the game, he haz anly got himself to blame for the prediciment that we are in! He literally put us in this situation and now he can't bear to watch!

Az for 'The Geordie Times' watchin' the game, which kicks off shortly at '8:00 bells'? We cannit bring worsels to watch eethaa and will wait for the countless text and Whatsapp messages, which will no doubt  follow, should any goals be scored!----

'The Geordie Times' will of course bring yoo the score just after the full time whistle!-----A Fulim win meeenz NUFC drop into the bottom 3 on goal difference, with 2 games in hand!

A Wolves win or a draw tooneet, will keep Fulim in the bottom 3 instead!

So a win at Bornley for 'us' at 'high noon bells' on Sunday iz vital and will put us 6 points clear of danger, should Wolves win!?🙏

"COME ON YOO WOLVES!"

Full time score at approx '10:00 bells'

Footnote: When Lady Di woz killed in a car crash in 1997 'The Premyaa Leegue' caalled aall games off at the last minute, in respect!

We were on wor way to Liverpoool to watch The Toon when we foond oot the news, az we were drivin' through Low Fell in Gatesheed!  We did a quick 'u turn' and heeded back to The Toon!

With The Duke of Edinburgh's death today, we fully expected that tooneets game at Fulim would be caalled off az well!

It ISN'T of course and neeethaa are any of the other games ower the weekend, so why 'the double standards' from 24 years ago???

Whats the difference this time??? 

FULL TIME: FULIM 0  WOLVES 1 !  "GET IN!"

🤪👍

Its in wor own 🖐🖐now!

We are 3 points aheed of Fulim with 2 games in🖐!

THE BROON ALE PLEDGE!

 Posted '2:45pm bells' Friday 9th April 2021

Followin' on from the '1892Pledge' for Toon fans to pledge money in the hope that we the fans can buy a smaall stake in wor great club, 'The Geordie Times' iz startin' a 'Pledge' fund az well, caalled 'The Fink Broon Ale Pledge'!

If 50,000 Toon fans pledge just £1 then I can gan to Aldi and buy 35,971 bottles of Broon at £1:39 a bottle, to get completely comotosed before each game for the foreseeable future!

PS: Pledges to 'Pledge1892' can be made to: 

1892pledge.co.uk 

And for pledges to The Geordie Times? Just send poond coins to

The Geordie Times HQ, Geordieland-on-Tyne 

AWAY THE LADS! (OR NOT AZ THE CASE MAY BE!)

 Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 8th April 2021

News that away fans might be banned from travellin', iz deein the roonds!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have aalready made contingency plans and booked trains to King's Cross in London for wor last game of the season v Fulim, az we were told that some away fans would be allowed in!

We took a chance that we might, just might get some of the 400 away match tickets on offer, so booked the trains az they were filling up! (No one allowed to stand if train seats are taken!) We are on the '8:55 bells' train doon on the Sunday mornin' and are booked to come back on the '7:30 bells' train on Sunday neet!

However!, we hear that the Premyaa Leegue clubs have got 'cold feet' and anly want home fans in attendance, az to accommodate away fans with the covid restrictions in place, would be tooo much hassle! 😬

We will still gan doon anyway and watch the match somewhere in a boozer if the above iz the case, but meeenwhile we live in hope!🙏

"GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!---WE FINK WE'VE FOOND THE MOLE!"

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 6th April 2021

BRUCEY PLAYS MIND GAMES---WITH HIMSELF!

Havin' faallin oot with the players, press, media and fans, wor 'mixed up' heed coach Steve 'I'm in Denial' Bruce, haz come oot with 2 mixed 'mind games' messages to contradict and argue with HIMSELF!

A MONTH AGO

NOW!?

We leave yoo to draw your own conclusions!?

MEEENWHILE!---SOMEWHERE INSIDE THE NUFC TRAININ' GROOND! 

"ARE YOO CHARNLEY IN DISGUISE?"

"COME ON VILLA!--COME ON WOLVES!--COME ON ANYBODY WHO PLAYS FULIM, ETC!"

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Easter Munday 5th April 2021

Wot a desperately sad situation we find worsels in!

Hopin that teams we don't really like, like Villa and Man U, WIN against wor relegation rivals, az WE can anly draw or lose!

For 17 minutes on Sunday NUFC went into the bottom 3 when ex Toon player Mitrovic scored for Fulim v Villa. Thankfully Fulim imploded and Villa won 3-1 in the final minutes to lift us back to 17th place!--Lady luck woz with us, eventually!

And then it woz Brightin's torn to have us chewin wor finger nails, when they went 1-0 up at Moan U----Again lady luck woz on wor side and the home side came back to win 2-1 in the final minutes of the game! This keeps Brightin within touchin distance, 3 points aheed of us!

WOR performance v Sporz woz much better, but we could still anly draw and Brucey made on that it woz a famous victory in hiz post match presser! (Just 2 wins in 21 now, Brucey!)

Indeed, if Harry Kane's shot with 4 mins to gan had went in off the post, instead of gannin oot for a goal kick, the score would have been 3-1 to them and game ower!

Wot happened of course woz that Dubravka took the goal kick, which eventually ended up in front of Joe Willock to fire home the equaliser, to give us a precious point!

1-3 to 2-2 within a minute! Lady luck woz on wor side!

And then this Friday Fulim are at home to Wolves, so of course we will be shouting for the away team for 90 minutes!

A Fulim win would put us in the bottom 3---anything else iz a bonus! (NUFC don't play Bornley away til Sunday!)

Fine margins indeed, in wor quest to stay up!--But WILL lady luck be on wor side NEXT weekend?🙏

VILLA SAVE BRUCEY'S BACON!---FOR NOW!

 Posted '7:00pm bells' Easter Sunday 4th April 2021

Wor 2-2 draw v Sporz this afternooon and Fulim's late 3-1 defeat at Villa, meenz that we are still ootside the relegation places!---for now! (NUFC briefly went into the bottom 3 for 17 minutes, when Fulim went 1-0 up at Villa!)

However!, Fulim's next game iz v Wolves next Friday and NUFC don't play Bornley til Sunday, meeenin that IF Fulim win, we we WILL drop into the relegation zone, if that happens!

But we've got a temporary reprieve for now, so let's enjoy the rest of wor Easter eggs while we can!

"HAPPY EASTER TO AALL WOR REEEDERS!"

RAFA BENITEGGS---REMEMBER HIM?

THE TOON V SPORZ TODAY *** KICK OFF 2:05 BELLS'

 Posted from '1:00pm bells' onwards, Easter Sunday 4th April 2021

Another must win game when Brucey finks a draw will dee!

He's picked Joelinton again, despite the fact that he hasn't scored one solitary home Prem goal this season, but at least he haz got Dwight Gayle up front!

OR will he be playin in the Brucey invented 'split striker' roll?

Aall the incidents and action will be online just after it happen on wor new laptop!

Let's hope it brings us some luck!?

*18th min   Gayle misses good chance from a yard oot! 3 efforts on target so far! Brucey will be pleased!?

*28TH MIN GOAL! JOELINTON SHOT!

1ST HOME GOAL THIS SEASON! (Leazes End)(Above)

*29th min goal,  kane equaliser with easy chance!

Lead lasted 1 minute!

*33rd min  kane shot and goal   2-1 doon!

*HT 2-1 doon    Doesnt look good!

*70th min  Joelinton fires wide when it was easier to score!!!

Saint Max on for Gayle?

*77th min   Willock on for Krafth

*84 min   kane hits post!

84th min GOAL MURPHY 2-2!!

Sorry WILLOCK SCORED WITH A FINE STRIKE FROM CLOSE IN! (Above)

FT 2-2   A precious point for certain -- now we need Villa to dee us a favour and beat Fulim!  IF Fulim win they will gan above us on goal difference and put us in the bottom 3!

*

*

THE TOON v SPORZ *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '7:00pm bells' Easter Saturday 3rd April 2021

"THE FOG ON THE TYNE IZ AALL MINE, AALL MINE!"

'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' and hiz West Brom side amazingly won 5-2 away to 10 man Chelski today, to move within 7 points of The Toon and vastly improve their goal difference! (Although, wor goal difference iz still 14 better than theirs! (-20 to -34) 

When everybody thought that the race to avoid the last relegation place woz between NUFC and Fulim, then they will have to 'fink' again!

Wor game v Sporz tomorrow now takes on a new meanin' and with wor top goalscorer Callum Wilson still crocked we can just see how wor beleaguered heed coach will set oot hiz formation!

With a formidable strike force of Son, Bale and Kane for Sporz, Brucey will ne doubt revort to a '10 men behind the baall' formation in the blind hope of nickin a point off the norf Londoners!

Brucey haz said that we need 9 points from the 9 remainin' games to stay up, so it doesnt take 'The brain of Britain' to work that one oot!

Of course if plan 'A' doesnt work, WHEN Sporz score (az they surely will!) we dont have a plan 'B' to hit back!

Will he play Joelinton again az a false 9 (the falsest 9 in wor history by the way!), or will he bring Carroll and Gayle into the fray in the blind hope that we might actually score a goal?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here (on mee brand new £420 laptop!) az it happens!---And YES! we will have a few 'liquid lubrications' to consume az the game progresses!

Straight after wor game, Fulim take on Villa in the west Midlands and defeat for 'us' and a win for 'them' will drop us into the bottom 3 for the forst time this season, with just 8 games to gan!

Here's hopin' against hope(again!) that this doesnt actually happen and that, just like West Brom, we can pull off an unexpected win!?

Fingers (and toes!) crossed!🤞🦶