THE TOON v SPORZ *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

 Posted '7:00pm bells' Easter Saturday 3rd April 2021

"THE FOG ON THE TYNE IZ AALL MINE, AALL MINE!"

'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' and hiz West Brom side amazingly won 5-2 away to 10 man Chelski today, to move within 7 points of The Toon and vastly improve their goal difference! (Although, wor goal difference iz still 14 better than theirs! (-20 to -34) 

When everybody thought that the race to avoid the last relegation place woz between NUFC and Fulim, then they will have to 'fink' again!

Wor game v Sporz tomorrow now takes on a new meanin' and with wor top goalscorer Callum Wilson still crocked we can just see how wor beleaguered heed coach will set oot hiz formation!

With a formidable strike force of Son, Bale and Kane for Sporz, Brucey will ne doubt revort to a '10 men behind the baall' formation in the blind hope of nickin a point off the norf Londoners!

Brucey haz said that we need 9 points from the 9 remainin' games to stay up, so it doesnt take 'The brain of Britain' to work that one oot!

Of course if plan 'A' doesnt work, WHEN Sporz score (az they surely will!) we dont have a plan 'B' to hit back!

Will he play Joelinton again az a false 9 (the falsest 9 in wor history by the way!), or will he bring Carroll and Gayle into the fray in the blind hope that we might actually score a goal?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here (on mee brand new £420 laptop!) az it happens!---And YES! we will have a few 'liquid lubrications' to consume az the game progresses!

Straight after wor game, Fulim take on Villa in the west Midlands and defeat for 'us' and a win for 'them' will drop us into the bottom 3 for the forst time this season, with just 8 games to gan!

Here's hopin' against hope(again!) that this doesnt actually happen and that, just like West Brom, we can pull off an unexpected win!?

Fingers (and toes!) crossed!🤞🦶

EVERY ONE A 'ONE'!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Good Friday 2nd April 2021

MARKS FROM 1 TO 5,  EVERY  ONE A 'ONE' FROM NUFC FANS! (From The Athletic News survey of Premyaa Leegue clubs fans!)

The local Toon rag 'The Ronny-Gill' aalso did a poll and 95% of fans want Bruce to gan! Az for the other 5%, they must be smb supporters?)

"In Denial" Bruce haz issued a statement in hiz latest press conference orlier this mornin'

In it he says that, "The performance against Brighton simply wasn't good enough!" (Just Brightin, Steve? AND 25 other games?) 

"The last thing I want to do is walk away!" (And lose 4 million quid severance pay!)

"I will NEVER walk away from a challenge!" (Except at Sheff U, Wigan, Palace, Bormingham, Hull and of course Sheff Wed!)

"Certain individuals are entitled to their opinion---of course they are! (50,000, plus!) But I'm determined to see it through (aalmost certain relegation if wor tactics don't change!) and that's what I'll try and do!"

Delusional til the end---game!

NUFC, RUN AND MANAGED BY CLOWNS!

 Posted 'midneet bells' Good Friday 2nd April 2021

PREDICTED PREDICTION!

"In Denial" Bruce's press conference iz comin up later today and The Geordie Times iz predictin some of what he will say!

"Spurs is a tough game, just like Newport, Brentford and Sheffield United!"

"It is what it isn't!"

"We're are where we aren't!"

"It's the accumulation of pies at the end of the season that matters! Er!, sorry! That's POINTS and pies!"🥮🥮🥮

THE ATHLETIC NEWS PREMYAA LEEGUE FAN SURVEY RESULTS!

THE DAMING STATS!

POLL POSITION!

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Tuesday 30th March 2021

14,000 Toon fans responded to a poll in the Toon's local paper (The Ronny-Gill) and 95% have said they want wor beleagered manager to eethaa resign or be sacked! (We suspect that some who want him to stay are smb supporters!)

Brucey haz buried his *'mincers' in his face mask (see above!) 'in denial of the predicament we are in' and refused to resign, statin that he iz the best man for the job? And of course he wants hiz £4 million compensation should he be sacked---nowt if he does resign! (*Mincers= mince pies =eyes!)

Wor silent MD, known as Penfold, for his uncanny resemblance to the cartoon character from the 'Danger Mouse' TV series, takes his orders from the Toon owner, known affectionately as 'The Fat Controller' to Toon fans and the word is that they are NOT gannih sack him for the above reason! 

Brucey actually believes that he will still be in charge NEXT season!---A nightmare scenario for certain! And in what division?

Rumour has it that Brucey refused to take trainin last week, as the fallout with some players haz reached breaking point! ---And of course there is 'the mole', giving snippets of info to the press!

This is ridiculous and sommik must give before too lang az this situation can surely not continue az we gan from bad to worse!

GAYLE FORCE BREEZE!

 Posted '3:09pm bells' Munday 29th March 2021

MESSAGE UNDERSTOOD!

News that Dwight Gayle haz signed a new 3 year contract on reduced torms reaches us!

If anything, this shows the clubs thoughts of escaping the drop! Gayle has made just 2 starts this season and has been an unused sub on several occasions! He is 31 and at best iz a Championship striker and simply not good enough for the Premyaa Leegue!

The message from the hierarchy IZ, Championship futbaall next season is more likely than not, so we are makin contingency plans for that scenario aalready!

Whereaz Gayle haz every chance of scoring against the likes of Bormingham City, he haz nee chance of scoring against the likes of Man City!

And this from a club that iz still 2 points clear of the drop zone with 9 games to gan!

DO YOO GET THE MESSAGE?

LOUD AND CLEAR!

HAVE A BREAK, HAVE À BACON SARNIE!!

 Posted '8:42pm bells' Sunday 28th March 2021

Wor 'little sister' The Sunday Times, today reports that a health expert haz said that prosessed meat like bacon is bad for your brain and can cause loss of memory and brain damage!

After the short winter break, wor 'larger than lard' manager, "I'm in Denial' Bruce, mishord a question from a reporter when he asked, "How's the BREAK then, Steve!"

Bruce, with his mind on other things, replied, "How's the BACON, did ye say?" to roars of laughter from the assembled press! (The one and anly time this haz happened!)

Nee explanation needed now, for wor terrible run of form of late!

(2 wins in 20 games!)

GEORDIE TIMES LAPTOP 'CATTLE TRUCKED'!

 Posted '2:07pm bells' Sunday 28th March 2021

            NORMAL SORVICE WILL   BE RESUMED AZ SOON                  AZ POSSIBLE!

We have technical problems at The Geordie Times az the laptop that we dee reports on wont switch on for some reason!? Its completely dead!

So we will have to dee the reports from wor mobile phone for the time being, until a new laptop can be bought!

This isnt ideal az misstayks are more likely using a smaall keypad!

More uppdates later!

FAN FARE FEAST FEST!

 Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards, Friday 26th March 2021

Wor home game v Sheff U could be moved to midweek to allow fans to attend

Forst of aall, Fulim's game away to The Villa on Saturday week haz been moved to Sunday!

Crucially, whereas they were playin before us originally and could have pushed us into the relegation zone if they won, now they play after wor home game v Sporz on Sunday week (wors '2:05 bells' ko--theirs '4:30 bells' ko), which gives NUFC yet another chance to pull clear of them, IF we can somehow win!?

Sporz have had an indifferent season , so we have another 'throw of the dice' in this horrible run of just 2 wins in 20!

Both Allan Saint-Maximin and top goalscorer Callum Wilson are back in trainin' and hopefully they will both be fit to start against Sporz! 🙏

Play like we did against Evaatin away and we could pick up the 3 points, BUT if we play like we did against Brightin last week, then we will surely lose again!

The other breaking news iz that 10,000 fans are to be allowed back into stadiums for the last 2 games, including 1,000 away supporters! (Alledgedly?)

This meenz that 9,000 Toon fans could be present in wor last home game v Sheff U, which would be moved to a midweek date and 1,000 away to Fulim in wor last game of the season!

More on aall this later!

BRUCEY STICKS TO COVID 19 RULES!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 23rd March 2021

News that wor brain dead heed coach haz given the players six days off oot of nine before the Sporz home game, tells us that he haz given up the ghost and iz observing the covid 'stay at home' rules to the letter!  This speaks volumes for a man who speaks total drivel at press conferences!

He is begging for the sack to get hiz 4 million quid compensation,  but wor absent and silent owner 'The Fat Controller' iz having none of it!

Its az though BOTH OF THEM want the ultimate revenge on the fans for slaggin them off-- and relegation would be the final dagger in the back for the 50,000 faithful, who will be on the receiving end!

Oh for an owner who actually speaks to us and for a heed coach who doesn't!

THE PROMISE AND REALITY!

 Posted '2:52pm bells' Munday 22nd March 2021

     

THE PROMISE!

AND THE REALITY!