FUTBAALL WITHOOT FANS IZ FARCICAL

Posted '10:50am bells' Munday 11th January 2021

We've said it before and we'll say it again, that watchin futbaall in empty stadiums from wor livin rooms and pubs (when they are open!) iz a absolutely cr*p!

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Az the lockdown is due to carry on til at least the end of March, it will meen that we will have gone a whole year withoot wor NUFC 'fix'---sommik we could never have believed 12 months ago!

On Saturday we played at The Emirates Stadium in front of 60,000 empty seats with loads of Arsenal flags and banners scattered aroond the groond!

The away end even had a solitary NUFC banner draped ower a waall. 

A nice touch by The Arse!

We shall continue to watch games from soulless stadium for the rest of this season at least on wor tellys and laptops and sometimes radio commentaries!

Like I will have to do tomorrow when we play Sheff U at Bramall Lane, as I will be drivin back up the M1 in mee truck at that time from Redditch in deepest Worcestershire!---

Ironically, I will probably pass Sheffeeld sometime durin the 2nd half as I crane mee neck to the left for a glimpse of the floodlights in the distance!

Whoever would have believed THAT scenario 12 months ago???

BRUCE'S EXCRUCIATING EXCUSES!

 Posted '6:09pm bells' Sunday 10th January 2021

"THE PUNISHMENT JUST GANS ON!--AND ON!---AND ON!"

Below are 'Broken Nose Bruce's 'excuses' for the last 7 winless games! Won 0   Drawn 2    Lost 5

The Arse lost 2-0

"We've got to dust ourselves down and go again!" (the umpteenth time he's said this!)

"In 18 months we've been to 2 quarter finals!" (WOW!)

"I thought Andy Carroll was fantastic!" (he missed 2 sitters!) 

"We've got to roll our sleeves up!" (the umpteenth time he's said this!)

Lestaa lost 2-1

"We gave the ball away cheaply!" (VERY cheaply!)

"I can't fault the players effort!" (2 shots on target!)

"We have been punished!" 

"You have to stay with it!" (stay with WOT?)

The Liverbirds drew 0-0

"We gave the ball away cheaply!" (see above)

"They put in a hell of a shift!" (27% possession at home, 2 shots on target!)

"It was a great performance!" (0-0?)

Man City lost 2-0

"We are where we are!" (near the bottom of the table) 

"It is what it is!"---"The fans have got to accept it!" (that we will remain a mediocre team!) 

"There was mass hysteria and histrionics after the Brentford game and the criticism in my opinion was unjust!" (Oh no it wasn't!)

"It was a decent performance!" (lost 2-0) (Man City had 88% possession in the 2nd half!) (2 shots on target)

"They rolled their sleeves up!" (see above)

Brentford lost 1-0 

"We've got to dust ourselves down!" (see above)

"I am not one to make excuses!" (EH!)

"Progress was there for everyone to see!---we got to a quarter final!" (By beating Morecambe and Newport--after a penalty shootout!)

Fulham drew 1-1

"I cant fault the players effort!" (see above) (Despite playin against 10 men for most of the 2nd half, Fulham STILL had more possession!)

"We can perform better than we didn't!" (Whatever thats supposed to mean?)

"We'll dust ourselves down (see above) and get ready for Tuesday!" (Brentford away)

Leeedz lost 5-2

"Up til the 75th minute I thought we were comfortable!" (The game actually lasts for 90 minutes, Steve!)

"We cant make those mistakes we made here!" (But we DID!)

"We gave the ball away cheaply!" (see above) 

"I'll leave it for other people to judge!" (👎)

THE ARSE V THE TOON *** FA CUP LIVE UPDATES!

 Posted from '4:30pm bells' onwards, Saturday 9th January 2021

*Live goal updates az they happen! Plus any incidents, possession rates, shots on goal etc

Geordie Times predictions

25% possession and 4 efforts on target for NUFC

But we wont predict the score!🙏

Halfway through 1st half and amazingly NUFC have had 53% possession but nee shots on goal!  The Arse have had 3 good chances but Dubravka in the Toon goal has come to the rescue!

Clark takes a throw in az the broon ale flows!(View from mee livin room!)

*HT 0-0  possession doon to 35%   still nee shots on target   nee corners to us but The Arse have had 5

Hooray 52nd minute   shot on goal from Carroll!

And from a Toon fans telly in Maynoooth, Ireland!

Spot the headless chicken?

*Halfway through 2nd half

40% possession and 1 shot on goal and still nee corners for us! (We predicted 4 shots, not lookin good for that!)

88th minute  1st corner to us "WOW!"

Stoppage time  Carroll should have scored!--missed goal altogether! "Oh Carroll!"

FT 0-0   Extra time   Wot have we done to deserve 30 minutes more of this!?

                          Remember--2 metres apart lads!

*HT extra time  still 0-0 ( wor lass is gannin mad coz they've cancelled 'Casualty' az the futbaall haz overran!)

Still just 2 shots on goal from NUFC!--riveting stuff!

goal at last but it's for The Arse! 12 mins of extra time left!

1-0 doon!

goal 2-0 doon 117th minute and the season is dead already az far az trophies are concerned!

At least we cannit get drawn against Chorley in the next roond!

Full time!

After the match Broken Nose Bruce dug oot one of his tired old excuses after yet another defeat!

"We've got to dust ourselves down and go again!"

"ZZZZzzzz!"😴

THE ARSE v THE TOON *** FA CUP ***ON TEA TIME TELLY

 Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 9th January 2021

THE MAYOR OF LONDON ISSUES A STARK WARNIN'!

LONDON IN LOCKDOON CRISIS---BUT IT'S OK FOR NUFC TO TRAVEL THERE!

One in thorty Londoners are infected by 'the bat out of hell' virus, yet elite futbaall in the capital city carries on?

NUFC play The Arse at The 'Em' in north London, which iz live on 'the BEEB' at '5:30 bells' this evenin'---and we hear that we are to play a virtual resorve side az a consequence of wor leegue position (ie: play a weakened team in the FA Cup and 'rest the 'best' for wor crucial leegue game away to Sheff U next Tuesday)

A full Geordie Times match report on the game will given via live updates from mee livin room's telly!

PS: Normally I would have dragged meesel oot of bed at '5 bells' this mornin to catch a train to King's Cross---and then onward via a London tube train to the groond!

Instead I got up at '5 bells' to drive mee truck to Redditch in Worcestershire, az I've been asked to gan to work at short notice!  

*I have scheduled this post to gan online at 'high noon bells'

I shud be back in good time for the kick off!

BRUCE DOES HAVE A PLAN 'B'!

 Posted '5:00pm bells' Friday 8th January 2021

News reaches The Geordie Times that wor manager is to change his tactics in an attempt to avoid the dreaded drop!

AND TOON FANS HAVE BEEN QUICK TO REPLY 

AND THE NORTHERN PREMYAA LEEGUE HAVE VOIDED THEIR SEASON FORTHWITH

THE CUP THAT DOESN'T CHEER ANYMORE!

 Posted '10:44am bells' Thorzsay 7th January 2021

The last time NUFC won the FA Cup----66 years ago in 1955!

News that up to 11 changes may be made for wor FA Cup thord roond tie haz reached The Geordie Times!

This doesn't reeely suprize us az staying in the Premyaa Leegue iz wor top priority now!The FA Cup iz a shadow of wot it used to be in the 1960s when aa started gannin to games!

It woz THE domestic trophy to win, even better that the Leegue title at the time!

For example, when we lost to little Carlisle at SJP in the late 1960s a crowd of 56,500 plus torned up to witness it!

Yet average leegue crowds at that time were aroond aboot 36,000---20,000 less than for that cup tie!

Now the exact opposite happens and crowds at FA Cup ties at SJP are usually 20,000 less than for Leegue games! (That's when they decide to let us back in, like!?)

We are now reduced to teams puttin oot a resorve X1 so az not to sustain injuries to their star players for Leegue games!

This is how far this once mighty cup compitition, haz fallen in the peckin order!

If it's TRUE that NUFC will play a virtual resorve side then a hidin' is likely to take place at The Emitates Stadium against The Arse on Saturday! (Live on the Beeb at '5:30 bells'

The cup that doesn't 'cheer' for certain now!

BROKEN NOSE BRUCE LOCKDOON STATEMENT!

 Posted '11:00am bells' Wedinzday 6th January 2021

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THE TOON V LESTAA *** LIVE UPDATES!

 Posted from 1:21 pm bells' onwards, Sunday 3rd January 2021

Geordie Times predictions: NUFC 33% possession and 4 shots on target! (We never predict score!)

*Goals and major incidents az they happen on mee laptop!

The kick off looms az BIG Ted looks on az he rests on a bottle of Dog!

11th minute, Vardy scores for Lestaa but goal iz ruled oot for offside!

18th minute  weak Joelinton heeder, 1st effort on target from NUFC

Halfway point of 1st half

45% possession to us!

HT 0-0   44% possession

The ref has touched the baall 3 times which is more than the 2 teams have had shots on target!

1 solitary (weak) heeder from Joelinton!

"Oh no!--Have yoo seen the dodgy channel I'm watchin'! ☠(Alledgedly!)☠

*goal: 54th minute to Lestaa   Maddison shot!😳

Halfway point of 2nd half

41% possession   NEE shots on target this period!

goal: 72nd minute 0-2 T'mans

Carroll shot (centre)

GOAL! Super sub Andy Carroll fires home at the Gallowgate End    there iz still hope!🙏

Wilson shot on target   should have scored late on!

FT lost 1-2  2 efforts on target, 43% possession

Doon to 15th in table!

That's 5 "er! sorry" 6! games winless now and Lestaa have now won at SJP 6 (SIX!) times in a row!

Aalso the stats leegue table below doesnt make good readin' at aall for Toon fans or 'Broken Nose Bruce'!

THE TOON v THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '8:30pm bells' Saturday 2nd January 2021

"HELTER SKELTER!"

Cannit believe Brucie's upbeat talk aboot wor 'great' performances in the last 2 games!  The way he is gannin on yoo would 'fink' that we had actually beaten Man City and Liverpoool, when in fact we didnt even score a solitary goal and had just 2 shots on target in each game!

The anly plus point iz that we didnt concede 10 goals in the 2 games as expected, and actually got a precious point into the bargain!

I've seen too many up and doon 'helter skelter' rides' in the time I have supported NUFC, way before 'Broken Nose Bruce' and 'The Fat Controller' were here! (ie: climb up the ladder when we win, then come sliding doon the chute, when we lose!)

In the 1960's I witnessed my first ever defeat watchin The Toon, v Carlisle in the FA Cup in front of a 56,500 crowd, anly for us to bounce back in the next 2 home games--and then gan backwards again!

In the 1970s it happened again when we lost to a non leegue team beginning with the *8th letter of the alphabet ( I woz there!)(*I still can hardly bear to say their name, to this day!) and then beating Man U away in the next game!

And so it gans on into the 80s, 90s and the 21st century!

AYE! we did play a lot better against Liverpoool, in paticular, but for Bruce to say that it woz a 'great' performance, woz a bit ower the top!

Arguably, wor best player Saint-Maximin iz still suffering from covid and will be missin for sometime yet!--so we must get by withoot him!---We wish him well!

We shall soon find oot what 'team' will torn oot, when we play 'The Basil Brush Brigade' of Lestaa tomorrow, az to wethaa the corner haz at last been torned, OR not az the case may be!? ( ie: will we gan for the jugular---OR park the bus?)

Geordie Times 'live' updates will be forthcomin' from mee laptop from the '2:15pm bells' kick off time!

THE GEORDIE CRUSADE!

 Posted '6:00am bells' Saturday 2nd January 2021

"HANDS UP FOR THE TAKEOVER!"

*NCSL (Newcasil Consortium Supporters Ltd) have sent a NINE page letter to Boris in Downing Street, demanding that he intervenes in the PIF takeower saga, which haz been draggin on for nearly 10 months! 

 

They plan to march to Downing Street if they divvint get answers by January the thorteenth, although they divvint say if that iz via 'The Central' (Newcasil train station) or King's Cross (London) after catchin' a 125 southbound!---Its a lang way to waalk to London from The Toon lads an' lasses (280 miles), so it would be much eezeeaa to catch the train doon and get the tube across London to St. James' Park tube station (where else?) and march the half mile to number 10 Downing Street from there! 

Aall we can say from 'The Geordie Times', iz try your level best to help get the deal ower the line and best of luck from aall Toon fans!

Keep the pressure on and divvint ever give up!👍🙏

^