THE LAST MAN STANDING!

Posted '2:30pm bells' Thorsday 18th July 2019

Cast your mind back to 16th January 2011

sund'lind have just scored against The Toon 

and the man with 'black n white blood' gets ready to celebrate!

The mackems score a last gasp equaliser against The Toon, to send their manager on a celebratory run doon the touchline!

And their manager woz non othaa than!---'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE'!

Below is a report from the 'Ronny Gill' newspaper the next day!

Bruce, who put his side under immense pressure to get three points--had accused Newcastle of

lacking class after the 5-1 hammering back in October at St. James' Park after the PA announcer had blasted out Daydream Believer at the end of the classic derby victory.

At the Stadium of Sh**e, sunderland were the ones who lacked class on and off the field on a forgettable day for the red-and-whites.

But as Bruce set off on a celebratory charge down the touchline as if his side had won the title, it summed up just how grateful sunderland were to save face after being well and truly

 outplayed in their own backyard.

And this from a man who claims NUFC were hiz 'boyhood club' and that he 'bled black n white'!

Wor record goalscorer Alan Shearer and a good friend of Bruce, told him just after Benitez had left, NOT to take the 'poisoned chalice' job under any circumstances!

"NO!-NO!-NO!-DON'T TAKE IT!" Shearer told him, az he woz on a hiding to nothin'!

Shearer aalso said that 'Broken Nose' woz, "THE LAST MAN STANDING"!, az many othaas had been warned off!

Bruce obviously didn't take a blind bit of notice of Shearer's advice and iz heedin' 'Blindfold' into the most toxic job in futbaall! 

Shearer added poignantly, "But I just really hope that he doesn't live to regret it, LIKE I FEAR HE WILL!" 

Will it aall end in tears?--We sincerely hope not, but, just like Alan Shearer, we ARE prepared for the worst! 

"SAY NO MORE!" *** NUFC 0 WOLVES 4 *** BROKEN NOSE BRUCE APPOINTED

Posted '1:40pm bells' Wedinzday 17th July 2019

THIS IZ WOT BROKEN NOSE BRUCE SAID 

WHEN HE WOZ APPOINTED MANAGER OF sUND'LIND!

NUFC lost heavily in Chinaa today losin' 0-4 to Wolves in The Asia Cup in Nanjing----'Broken Nose Bruce', who said 'he bled black n white', iz appointed az new 'dogsbody' to 'The Fat Controller'!

"THANK GOD WE WORNT PLAYIN' MAN CITY!"

"BULLSH*T!"

"MORE BULLSH*T!"

"TOON FANS ARNT THE ANLY ONES WHO ARE NOT HAPPY!"

ANGRY TOON FANS IN NANJING HEAR THAT 'BROKEN NOSE' 

IZ WOR NEW MANAGER/ DOGSBODY/ CRAWLER / YES MAN!

AND FROM ST JAMES' PARK---WOR NEW AWAY KIT!

A very bad day at the office for certain!

WOLVES v NUFC IN CHINAA ---TOMORROW MORNIN!

Posted '5:45pmbells' Tuesday 16th July 2019

DIVVINT ASK ME WHY--BUT RUSS HAZ SENT ME THIS PHOTO FROM CHINAA!

GUESS WHO RUSS MET OOTSIDE THE ABOVE HOSPITAL?

Tomorrow morning in  Nanjing, Chinaa wor forst team play Wolves in The Asia Trophy
The game iz live on SKY at '10:00am bells' and 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' will be represented by 'International RUSScue' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' who have been in Shanghai since last week!

With a depleted squad made up of resorve players and players back from loan, we will have a forward line of Dwight Gayle and Muto---the anly 2 out and out strikers we now have on wor books!

Nee manager in place of course, eethaa!---typical chaos and disarray from NUFC again!

PS: Hopefully, 'Russ' and 'Blondie' will send 'The Geordie Times' some match pix from the game, and not some guy who haz had plastic surgery!

HIBS U20s v NUFC U23s *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th July 2019

The new season iz nearly upon us and tomorrow @ '2:00 pm bells' we heed north of the border, where NUFC U23s are playin' Hibs U20s in a pre season friendly at Hibs Trainin Groond in Tranent, a few miles south east of Edinburgh.

This iz a new groond for 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' and yoo can bet your bottom dollar that there will be a huge following from Tyneside (er! 6 or 7 ---mebeez!)

Admission iz FREE, but Hibs are askin' for smaall donations instead for their academy (A'm sure aa can find a 5p coin from somewhere!)

A Geordie Times match and pix report will appear here on Tuesday, sometime!
Az per usual, "Watch this space!"

IT'S JUST LIKE A LAUREL AND HARDY MOVIE!

Posted '2:20pm bells' Saturday 13th July 2019

STARRING 'PENFOLD' AZ STAN LAUREL AND 

'THE FAT CONTROLLER' AZ OLIVER HARDY!

Sheff Wed's chairman is said to be absolutleee livid that wor 'beloved'? owner 'The Fat Controller', (pictured below) haz tried to get 'Broken Nose Bruce' through press leaks and NOT by direct contact with him!

NUFC thought they would get 'Broken Nose' on the cheap with a million quid to buy oot hiz contract!
The Wedinzday chairman would have 'non of it' and haz slapped a SIX million fee for hiz release!---The same aamoont az Rafa's contract woz!
Not anly that but they want even more for the release of Bruce's backroom staff who he wants to take with him!

This iz for a man who woz SIXTH choice to become wor next manager and who haz won absolutleee f**k aall in the major honours stakes az a manager, with TEN different clubs! 

'The Fat Controller's 'general dogsbody' and MD known to Toon fans az 'Penfold' off the 'Danger Mouse' cartoon, (pictured below)haz been scourin' Europe in a desperate bid to find a new manager, anly to finally get one who wants to come, 
from! --------SHEFFEEELD!

We naa for certain that 'The Fat Controller' will NOT pay that kind of 'dosh' for an 'aalso ran' and so the fruitless search for the 'poisoned chalice job', will gan on!--and on!---and on!

"SINCIL BANK --NOT! SHANGHAI !"

'Broken Nose Bruce' iz still the Sheff Wed manager---and az we speak they are playin Lincoln in a pre season friendly today at Sincil Bank! (The Toon are off to Shanghai tomorrow!) 
It's been reported on 'SKY' that an angry Wedinzday fan haz confronted him in the away dugoot and 'Broken Nose' woz roundly booood by the travellin' support!

A VERY ANGRY SHEFF WED FAN CONFRONTS 'BROKEN NOSE BRUCE' ON THE PITCH AT LINCOLN (And who can blame him!)

There's no way back after that---IZ THERE!?

"BROKEN PROMISES, BROKEN DREAMS, BROKEN HEARTS = BROKEN NOSE BRUCE!"

Posted '2:45pm bells' Thorsday 11th July 2019

        "IT'S LIKE SWAPPIN'"

"ONE OF THESE"

"FOR ONE OF THESE!!!"

 'The Geordie Times' prediction that 'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' would be wor next manager nearly came true, az 'Fat Sam' haz told Talksport that he woz approached by NUFC orlier this week aboot the vacant job!
He torned us doon, claimin' that he woz told that he wouldn't be in control of transfors (suprize!, suprize!) and that he thought it woz a bad idea to come back for a 2nd time (not addin' that the Toon fans "Hate hiz f****' guts!" and would be against him from day one!)

The dreaded news that wor 9th or 10th choice for 'The Poisoned Chalice' managers job,  to replace Rafa, IZ!--- 'Broken Nose Bruce' (coz the likes of Steve Gerrard, Martinez, Patrick Viera and Mikel Arteta didn't want to naa!) 
'Broken Nose' iz currently the manager of 'run of the mill' Championship club Sheffeeeld Wedinzday and iz said to be on Tyneside az we speak!

If yoo appoint a 'run of the mill' manager, then yoo will surely end up a 'run of the mill' club', like Hull City (relegated under hiz management!), Sheff Wed and Bormingham City (relegated under hiz management!) (3 of hiz former 10 (TEN!) clubs!)

The underwhelmin' and dreaded news iz expected to be announced tomorrow, sometime!
"It will be like swappin' a Rolls Royce for a battered Reliant Robin!"

HAZ IT REEELY COME TO THIS!

Posted '3:59pm bells' Wednizday 10th July 2019

THE 'RONNY GILL' SEZ IT AALL!

Some NUFC fans have caalled for a boycott of the Arsenal game after the faalloot of Rafa's departure intensifies!

They aalso plan to boycott the club shop and of course those SD stores own by a certain fat gadgie!

And news that ex mackem manager 'Broken Nose Bruce' iz odd on favourite to replace Rafa, fills aall of us at The Geordie Times with dread!
'Broken Nose' iz a Championship manager at the best and that's where we will surely end up if he gets the 'poison chalice'!
Fat Sam the Ugly Man haz aalso hoyed hiz hat into the ring, when he said, "Who wouldn't want to manage them!?"
That's TWO ex SMBs in the frame!

'Broken Nose' fits 'The Fat Controller's 'yes man' bill though, az he will 'dee az he iz told' and 'toe the line', IF he iz appointed!
(Fat Sam would gleefully take the money and couldn't give 2 f***s where we end up if he gets the job!)

Rafa haz put off some high profile people by tellin them in nee uncertain terms that the job iz a 'nightmare' az the owner hardy ever speaks and that in the 3 years that Rafa woz in charge, he anly spoke or saw him 4 or 5 times! (He's spoken more times to hiz new Chinese club owner in the last week!) 

The so caalled takeower by the Bin Zayed Group iz lookin less likely az the days and weeks pass and that we will be 'stuck' with the present regime for sometime yet---a nightmare scenario, if ever there woz one!  

Az for the match boycotts, The Geordie Times will be in attendance, but in nee way do we want 'The Fat Controller' to stay!
WE have a home friendly against St Etienne of France and 'yours truly' will be there az I have seen NUFC play against every club side we have played at home in the last 53 years---and so to miss the St Etienne game would break the chain! (ie: A'v GOT to gan!)
(The last one aa missed woz a 7-2 friendly victory ower Linfield of Northern Ireland in 1966!)

I have vowed, however!, never to buy anything more from the club shop or SD and I wont frequent 'NINE' bar underneath The Gallowgate Stand, (which iz owned by the club), until 'The Fat Controller' departs---never to be seen again!----hopefully! 

Haz it reeely come to this???  

NUFC MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS!

Posted '2:45pm bells' Munday 8th July 2019

Wor forst pre season game takes place at Hibs Trainin Groond in Tranent, Scotland next Munday at '2:00pm bells' when Hibs U20s take on NUFC U23s in a friendly match. (Tranent iz near Edinburgh)

This game iz open to the public accordin to Hibs website! 

NUFC KNEW IN MAY THAT RAFA WOULDN'T STAY!

Posted '11:31am bells' Sunday 7th July 2019

RAFA WAVES A LAST GOODBYE AT FULIM!

The revelation that the club knew that Rafa wouldn't extend his contract after hiz meetin' with 'The Fat Controller' and hiz general 'dogsbody' MD 'Penfold' on 16th May in London, reaches us!

It's absolutleee crazy and beggars belief that we havint appointed a new manager in the 8 weeks since they knew he wouldn't extent hiz contract---and with the new season aalmost upon us, things are gettin desperate, to say the least!

'The Geordie Times' believes that 'The Fat Controller' will appoint the man 'we aall love to hate' within the next few days, just to upset us even more!

And that man is!---
FAT SAM THE UGLY MAN! who revelled in wor relegation in 2016!

The reason we 'fink' that it will be HIM, is hiz record of saving clubs from relegation ---and the fact that he couldn't care less aboot playin boring defensive futbaall---az lang az he picks up hiz fat pay packet at the end of every month!---"ZZZZzzzz!!!!"
He 'hoyed hiz hat into the ring' 2 weeks ago, when he said: 
"Who wouldn't want to manage them!"
And of course 'The Fat Controller' haz since said that he regrets sackin' him in the 2007-08 season when he took the reigns!


We shall soon find oot if wor prediction iz true (hopefully it iz NOT!) az we will then have TWO fat b*stards to hate!

SHEIK IN TOON! *** GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!

Posted '4:45pm bells' Saturday 6th July 2019

Sensational news!
Sheik Zayed iz in 'The Monkey Bar' as I speak!!!🤪