DONNY ROVERS 1st team 1 THE TOON U21s 3 *** CHECKATRADE TROPHY

Posted '1:11pm bells' Wednesday 5th September 2018

NUFC U21s beat Donny Rovers forst team 3-1 last neet in The Keepmoat Stadium!
The goals:
14th minute: A Langstaff pass finds Thomas Allan who beat a defender and goalie to slot baall into back of net!

45+7: Donny equalise deep into forst half stoppage time!

65: Adam Wilson cross iz sidefooted in by Callum Roberts--2-1 to us!

85: Elias Sorensen completes the scorin from a Langstaff pass  
FT 3-1

Attendance: 1,544 includin 115 NUFC groundhoppers!

PS: Sorry aboot the delay in bringin' yoo this match report---BUT!---wor carrier pigeon got lost on hiz way back from Doncaster!

"Coo!--Sorry I'm late but I took a wrang tornin 

on the A1M last neet!---Coo!-Cooo!"

*

DONNY ROVERS (1st team) v THE TOON U21s ***Tooneet!

Posted '1:55pm bells' Tuesday 4th September 2018

The last time we were here

for a competitive game.

The Championship 23/03/2010.

Andy Carroll scores the anly goal

of the game!

"CHECK IT OOT!"

Tooneet wor U21s take on Donny Rovers forst team in the Checkatrade Trophy at The Keepmoat Stadium at '7 bells'!

Most of the NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers WON'T be there az we've been there before for 1st team games---besides--a'v got to gan to work sometimes, az mee holidays are runnin oot!
Anly the main stand will be open az a low crowd iz expected!

A brief Geordie Times match report however WILL be posted tomorrow from thord party sauces!

PS: Wor forst ever visit to The Keepmoat Stadium (ground number 266) woz 10 years ago on 23rd July 2008, when we lost 1-0 in a friendly fixture!

Brief archive match report on that game below!

266 keepmoat stadium, doncaster

(GROUND NUMBER 266)

Date of First Visit: 26^th JULY 2008

KEEPMOAT STADIUM, DONCASTER

DONCASTER ROVERS  1

NEWCASTLE UNITED  0

FRIENDLY FIXTURE

ATTENDANCE: 9,826 (3,000 Toon fans)

“WE MUST BE POTTY!”

The 'ten thorty bells' choo choo train to donny was wor mode of transport for this pre season ‘friendly fling’ and we had plenty of ‘hooch’ (supplied by ‘Grumpy Stumpy’) to ‘feed wor fat bellies as we crossed the sacred river (Tyne!) once again.

On arrival we heeded for the nearest 'liquid lubrication location' for a few 'tonsil ticklers' before heedin for the groond! 

"SPOT THE TEAPOTS!"

The bar woz called The Little Plough and had expensive lookin' decorated china plates and teapots hangin from the waalls and on shelves aroond the bar!  (If this woz in the Toon they wouldn't last very lang!--aa thought!)

It woz then 'onwards' to Donny's new stadium which hadn't been open lang and on forst viewin' it looked just aboot the reet size for a club like them!   

It woz a boilin hot day, but thats az good az it got in this non event of a game!

The strikeforce was severely depleted with Michael Own absent with mumps (of aall things!) and Martins absent because of a family bereavement in Nigeria. 
A 'mystery man' then appeared for us wearin' the number 46 shirt---ne one knew just who he woz az the Toon fans chanted, "46 who are yoo?" (Sebastion Bassong woz the answer!) (We foond that oot much later!)

The ‘substitute’ strikeforce?  combination of Shola Ameobi and Alan Smith, proved anything but!, and the anly shot in the entire game from the pair was a ‘powder puff effort’ from Shola deep into the second half!

The fact is that the 3,000 Toon fans present had scored the same number of goals as Smith had in competitive games for Newcastle---a grand total of NIL exactleee! (a shockin’ stat for a striker with ower 30 games under his belt!

The winner came in the 87th minute when Doncaster's Elliott fired home from the edge of the box!---and they anly had 10 men az they'd used aall their subs, one of which had to gan off injured!

After the game we heeded for the various hostelries near the groond before catchin' a late train yem!

One (more!) to forget, I'm afraid!

THE BLUE MOONIES 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '10:45am bells' Sunday 2nd September 2018

THE TOON ATTACK THE NEAR GOAL
 DURIN' THE 2nd HALF

"REMEMBER MANSFIELD!?"

Beleeeve it or not, a'd done a neet 'truck run' to Manchester the neet before and woz stuck in a traffic jam on the M62 for ower an hour at MIDNEET because of roadworks!---Eventually gettin to bed at '4:40am bells'!

The retorn jorney to Manc-land restarted 5 hours later, when aa dragged mee lifeless body oot of mee 'scratcher' and caught the bus to 'The Central' (station) and then onwards  with 'Big Al' (not the sheet metel workers son!) to Durham station where 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' woz givin' us a lift to east Manchester in hiz 'jam jar' (He lives in Langley Park near Durham-- where Bobby Robson woz born!

We arrived 3 hours later and went on 'the hoy' in central Manchester before heedin for the match in trepidation of wot cud happen!

2 Man City fans who were in their late 60s and who shud know better, started takin the p*ss ootside the groond, mockingly singin': "You've got Ashley!--- you cud have had ours!", in reference to wor skinflint absent billionaire owner's refusal to spend substantial cash, compared to their arab owner who haz spend nearly one billion quid!)

Theeze sad individuals are old enough to remember that their beloved 'City' were in the old 3rd division (now Leegue 1)  in the 1990s, playin the likes of Mansfield in front of 3,000 diehards at their old Maine Road groond! (A division NUFC have NEVER sunk so low to play in!)  Short memories indeed from theeze 'memory loss arseholes'!

The goadin' continued inside the groond from more of their fans, with us replyin' "Where were yoo when yoo were sh*t!" (50,000 more than were at the Mansfield game!)

Anyway!-- it didnt take the current champions too lang to take the lead when Raheem Sterling latched onto a misstayk by Lascelles to fire home a curler in the 8th minute!
A cricket score looked on the cards, but NUFC had othaa ideas and we equalised in the 30th minute when Deanre Yedlin fired home from close range after a great cross from Salomon Rondon, to silence 'the mockers'!

We held on til half time but 'The Blue Moonies' retook the lead in the 53rd minute when Kyle Walker fired in an unstoppable 30 yard shot past Martin Dubravka in The Toon goal!
Dubravka then made a great double save to deny the home side!

The 'highlight' of this half wasnt the goal or double saves, but a City fan covered in blood who had been fightin with a fellow fan in the section next to us!  He woz dragge5d away by the local 'Dibble', but not before aimin a punch at one of them!---a good hidin' doon the cells!-- and a lifetime ban for certain!

The game ended 2-1--- not the 'cricket score' many had expected, but it haz put us in the bottom 3--- for the time being at least!


Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Fernandez, Clark (Murphy 81), Dummett, Kenedy (Atsu 54), Ki, Diame, Perez, Rondon (Joselu73)

Attendance: 53,946 (3,000 Toon fans)

*Fact file:
In December 1998 in an Auto Windscreen Shield match (the competition for 3rd and 4th tier clubs), Man City lost 2-1 to Mansfield Town at their old Maine Road groond!
The attendance woz 3,007 which included 500 Mansfield fans!
So the actual number of City fans at that game 20 years ago numbered just 2,500!

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON *** TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted '12:40pm bells' Friday 31st August 2018

We gan into the month of September withoot a win in August and face current champs Man City for wor 5th live telly game in a row so far this season!
'The Blue Moonies' are unbeaten of course and wor tactics will be to park an artic across the penalty box with Rondon a lone striker up front!

Not many people give us any hope of even scorin' a goal, but dafter things have happened!

The plan tomorrow iz to get a train to Durham,  cadge a lift off 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' (who lives near there), find a few bars and get completely comotosed before the game, in trepidation of what's aboot to happen at '5:30pm bells in east Manchester!

More to follow later, plus match report and pix to follow on Sunday!
(Dependin' on the result!)

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB 3 THE TOON 1 *** LEEGUE CUP 2nd ROOND 2018-2019

Posted '1:50pm bells' Thorsday 30th August 2018

"LEEGUE CUP DISASTER DAYS!---CONTINUED!--- UNABAITED!"

The competition we just 'love to hate' proved once again that we are nee match for lower leegue opposition!

Havin lost to Forest last season az well at the same roond we will have at least 4 blank midweeks to twiddle wor thumbs until Xmas!

My 'hate affair' in this competition gans back ower 43 years when we were knocked oot by Chester in 1975 at their old Sealand Road groond--- and ever since it haz been disaster after disaster in this competition! (We DID get to the final next season--but lost of course!---since 1976 we havvent got past Xmas in the competition!)

Wor day started off at '2 pm bells' when 'Big Al' (not the sheet metal workers son!) picked me up in hiz jam jar, alang with 'International Russcue' and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' and off we set to Nottingham!

'Big Al' had a brainwave and said it would be easier to gan to a park and ride just of the M1 and get a tram into the city centre az Nottingham iz notorious for traffic jams!

So we heeded for a place called Pheonix Park and caught the tram which of course avoids roads and haz a traffic free run into Nottingham!

The tram stopped aboot 10 minutes doon the line and we got off to get a connectin' tram to wor destination!
WRANG!---we asked an inspector where to get the next tram from and he uttered the dreaded words!
"There's a replacement BUS SERVICE as they are workin' on the line further down!", he telt us!

Ne mention that there woz a replacement bus service half way doon the line!

After jumpin off the tram and onto a double decker bus, we then had to jump off again to catch anothaa tram!
The tram-bus-tram eventually arrived at wor destination and we then had a 15 minute waalk to a boozer near Forest's groond on the banks of the River Trent!

BREWHOOSE & KITCHEN BOOZER

We anly had an hours drinkin time before the match because of this fiasco and stopped there til it woz time to gan and 'face wor punishment' in the away section of the groond! (nee time for a 'pub crawl'!)

And 'punishment it waz' az 'The Friar Tuck Mob' took the lead in the forst minute through former Toon player Daryl Murphy, az wor shambles of a team, which included several new boys, couldn't 'gel' or get to grips with the game and disaster loomed!

We just couldn't get oot of 1st gear and aall looked lost, but we had an ace up wor sleeves!
Salomon Rondon then came on in the 82nd minute for the ineffective Joselu and 2 mins into stoppage time he hit hit a raspin' shot across the box and the baall hit the far corner of the net, with their keeper well beaten. This sent the 3,000 strong Toon Army in The Bridgford End into raptures behind that goal!---a penalty shootout woz now on the cards!
WRANG AGAIN!---Of course this IZ NUFC and we shot worsels in the foot az Forest went up to the far Trent End and scored a 2nd goal straight away!

Perez woz then punched in the face by the Forest keeper in the box, (a definite penalty!) but the ref waved 'play on' and the home side went back up the pitch and scored again in the 97th minute to send us and the team to the exit gates!

We had the same hassle gettin' back to wor car (tram-replacement bus-tram) and eventually got onto the motorway one and a qwaataa hours after the match had finished!

Of course the M1 motorway woz closed forthaa up near Sheffield for roadworks (it HAD to be!) and we had to divort through  Sherwood Forest on the A614 to get onto the A1 (nee sign of Friar Tuck or Robin Hood though!)

We got back at just after 2am bells---anothaa 'Disaster Day' in more ways than one, to add to the (very!) lang list!

Team line up: Darlow, Sterry, Schar, Fernandez(Perez 69), Clark, Atsu, Ki, Langstaff, Kenedy, Muto (Murphy 77), Joselu (Rondon 82)

Attendance: 13,942 (3,000 thoroughleee p*ssed off Toon fans!)

*PS: Since the competition started 58 years ago in 1960, we have anly got past the 5th roond ONCE!---exitin' the Leegue Cup before Xmas on every occasion apart from 1976 when we reached the final!---a truly shockin' record!

THE FRIAR TUCK MOB v THE TOON *** LEEGUE CUP 2ND ROOND!

Posted '3:50pm bells' Tuesday 28th August 2018

"WHY DON'T THEY JUST TOSS A COIN!?"

Tomorrow neet we heed for Sherwood Forest country where we are takin on Nottm Forest at The City Groond in the Leegue (Caraboa) Cup at '7:45 bells for wor 4th live telly game of the season so far! (Oot of 4!)

We fully expect that both teams will field serverly weakened sides to avoid injuries to key players!
Forest, because they are gannin for promotion from The Championship---And NUFC because we dont want to end up back there, come next May!

Big Al (not the the sheet metal workers son!) said that they, "May as well toss a coin!" to see who gans through to the next roond, az neethaa of us have any chance of winnin it once 'the big guns' enter at the 3rd roond stage!

Better still, why dont they play the 1st and 2nd roonds pre season instead of meaningless friendlies against the likes of St Patricks Athletic or Ausburg!?

NUFC have been allocated 4,000 tickets, but we fully expect that anly half that number will travel doon!

A full Geordie Times match and pub crawl report will appear here sometime on Thorsday!

Updated '10:00pm bells', Tuesday

The farce of The Leegue Cup woz laid bare when it woz reveeeled that ower 160 changes were made to Tuesday's 21 ties line ups from the weekend leegue fixtures, includin' Joey Barton's Fleetwood, who made ELEVEN changes from Saturday.  They lost 4-0 at Lestaa!

Perhaps they should rename it, 'The Reserves Leegue Cup'!😨

WHERE IN TOON? **** ANSWER!

Posted '11:00am bells' Tuesday 28th August 2018

"WHERE AM I?"

Did you get the answer to wor pub quiz yesterday?

We asked you where this pub woz in Toon!

We got NEE correct answers?
The top prize woz that yoo would have the privaledge of buyin aall my ale at the next Toon home game!

And the answer iz!

I am puzzled az to why neebody got the reet answer!?

THE TOON 1 CHELSKI OAPs 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Munday 27th August 2018

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

"NO TRIUMPH IN DEFENCE!"

Three new debutants were in the startin' line up with six changes to the team that drew at Cardiff last week! (namely: Schar, Ki, Fernandez) 
Rafa set wor stall oot from the start by playin' 5 at the back to try and contain Chelski's attackin' force!
It nearly worked, but a Yedlin own goal just 3 mins from time at The Leazes End sealed wor fate and 'The Chelski Pensioners' (their nickname in the 1960s!) ran oot desorved winners!

Rondon played up front on hiz own and didn't get the service he desorved. Missin' were Lascelles and Shelvey through injury (we were telt?) 

Somehow we contained them for 76 minutes but a dubious penalty given against debutant Schar woz put away by Hazard at The Leazes End, and aall looked lost!

Sub Joselu (who had come on for Rondon) had othaa ideas and heeded home at the near post just 7 mins later to send the crowd wild!

THE TOON ATTACK 'THE GALLOWGATE END' DURIN' THE 2nd HALF

However!---there woz a cruel twist in this tale az within 4 minutes of Joselu's goal, Yedlin put through hiz own goal and aall woz lost!

Do we reeely have to play like this at home by defensive meenz to try and get a result?
Chelski had 81% possession  to wor 19%!

The failure to sign some proven players iz comin' home to roost now and the club's motto: 'Fortiter defendit triumphans' (triumph in defence!) didn't work this time!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Fernandez, Clark, Schar (Muto 79), Dummett, Ritchie, Diame, Ki, Murphy (Perez 73), Rondon (Joselu 62)

Attendance: 51, 791 (3,263 Chelski fans)

*PS: Forest are next in the Leegue Cup on Wednesday followed by an eazy away trip to!------Man City!!!!😨

Where in Toon?:
We ended up in this 'liquid lubrication location' after the match!
But where iz it?

Aall will be reveeeled tomorrow!
Theres a massive prize if u e mail me the correct answer!
U will have the priviledge of buyin' aall my ale at the next Toon home game! (v The Arse!)

THE TOON v THE CHELSKI OAPs *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2018-2019

Posted '12:35 pm bells' Friday 24th August 2018

THE MILBURN STAND FROM BARRACK ROAD

(NOTE THE SIZE OF THE RED DOUBLE DECKER BUS IN COMPARISON)

Wor 2nd home game of the season teks place on Sunday afternooon when Chelski visit St. James' Park in a '4 bells' kick off for live telly (again!)

Amazingleee, we have been unbeaten against 'The Pensioners' (their old nickname in the 1960s) in the last 5 home games---and we won the last one 3-0 in the final home game of last season!
Wor visitors have sold their entire allocation of 3,000 plus tickets, but there are still tickets available for the home sections!

Yedlin iz expected to retorn to the fold, but we have nee idea if new boys, Rondon, Muto, Yueng, Fernandez and Schar will feature in this game, or if Joselu and Perez will start up front!?

Kenedy cant play coz Chelski are hiz parent club and Lejeune of course iz still absent because of a lang torm  injury!

With just one solitary point from wor forst 2 games, we reeely need to get sommik oot of this one az Man City are wor next Premyaa Leegue opponents in 'The City of Manchester Stadium' (its original name!) on Saturday week! (anothaa live telly game!)

With nee Toon game tomorrow, 'The Geordie Times' iz gettin its 'fix' at Federation Park, Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' (Dunston) are takin on Pontefract Pit Yakkers (Pontefract Colliers) from Yorkshire, in an FA Cup preliminary tie at '3:00 bells'

Updated Sunday mornin':
A match report on the Dunston game iz below and the NUFC repory will appear here in due course!